A seat in the bus to the end of the road

Part 1

All different kinds of fabric-tests are scattered all over the coffee table and various wedding magazines laid open, revealing flowers, the altar and various wedding cakes. I sat on the couch while my fingers caress the different textures of the fabrics, the diamond ring on my finger glistered in the light.

"Soul." I called. "Which one do you think will be the better? Silk or cotton?"

He sighed loudly from his seat on a kitchen chair with his laptop in front of him, paying various bills. "Don't know. Chose whatever you think is good."

I pouted. I take the two pieces of fabric and stroll over to him. "Touch them." I held forward the silk piece. "The silk one is a little more expensive than the cotton one, but it looks great on tables and looks luxurious. The cotton one looks good too and feels great, but do you think it will be good enough for our wedding?"

He rolled his eyes and quickly touched the silk before he returned to paying the bill for the hot water. "I don't know. Just pick one. No one cares what kind of fabric the table cloths have." He tapped on the keyboard. "And by the way, you need to take shorter showers. The bill has gone up again."

"Don't change the subject!" I exclaimed. "Soul, this is our wedding! Don't you want to be a part of planning it? Do you even care about our big day?"

About a half a year ago, Soul had proposed to me. He had taken me to the park and on the bridge over a fake pond, he went down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It wasn't the big ask like I had pictured him pulling off, but then again, Soul has always been and will always be a slacker. He wasn't capable of planning and executing something larger than walking to the store and buying a ring.

A part of me was very happy of the proposal, but hearing Liz's and Tsubaki's romantic large proposals had always struck something inside of me. I shouldn't feel bad, I got what I wanted. He put a ring on my finger and seven months from now, I will walk down the altar and tie the knot.

I was very jealous of the two girls since their husbands had been very involved in their wedding plans while mine, he prefers paying bills over planning our big day.

"Lower your voice." His eyes stayed focused on the screen. "There is no need for yelling."

"Yes there is!" I screamed. "Why wouldn't you want to plan our wedding? Is it that insignificant for you? It is supposed to be our happiest day and you are completely shutting yourself out of it!"

He sighed loudly. "For crying out loud. Lower your voice, woman!" Now he was the one who exclaimed.

"Answer my question! Is our wedding so insignificant for you? Why would you even want to get married if it is just a pain in the ass for you?" Tears started to burn my eyes and I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling rejected. "Why Soul? Why?"

This wasn't the first time we fought. It had happened before. Unfortunately, far too many times. It was either about wedding plans, where our honeymoon would be, what hotel we would be living in, what color theme our wedding would be and what church we would get married in. Every time he would tell me to just pick on while he then started to rant about rent, hot water bill or electricity bill. Anything he could throw at my face.

Because of all the fights, we had grown apart. The intimacy we had was gone with the wind and what only exited was a shell of two people. The fights had taken away our everyday life romance and the spark in our relationship. We hadn't even had a passionate kiss since, like, a month after he proposed. We had kissed, but those were more polite goodbye kisses than an exchange of affection.

The thoughts of postponing the wedding has crossed my mind. Multiple times. At the moment, if things were the way they are at the moment, there is no way I can get married to him if our marriage will be as plain as it is now. I don't want to be a marriage with a slacker who refuse to communicate with me and truly be a part of my life.

He growled and stood up from his seat. "I have told you many times already! I don't care where we get married or what kind of reception we have or where we go for our honeymoon! I only care about our future marriage! All I care about is getting married to you!"

I rolled my eyes and backed away. "If you truly cared about me and our marriage then you would get involved! Look around! We aren't as romantically and emotionally connected anymore! All we do is fight and we never hug or kiss or even cuddle in bed! We are so disengage as we can possible be!"

"That isn't true!" He grabbed my bicep and pulled me close to him, his arms wrapped around me. "See? We are hugging now and it feels just the same as before. My stomach is full of butterflies and my heart skips a beat." He rubbed my back with his large hand. It does feel nice, but it's way too much angry tension in the air for me to truly enjoy the embrace. We are still in the middle of an argument. "Now if you don't mind, can I continue paying the bills?"

The almost-okay moment had broken.

"Are you serious?" I backpedalled from his arms and looked into his eyes. "After all of the things I said and you can even think about fucking bills?"

"Well, yeah, someone need to pay them."

I growled loudly and ran my hands through my hair. "You are impossible! How can you prioritized bills over me?! Oh wait, I forgot, you have always prioritized material stuff over people who loved you for the asshole you are!"

I hit a sore spot within him.

When he turned eighteen, he had left his parents and severed his ties with them because he didn't want to be like they wanted him to be. He had thrown away a brother, parents and other relatives just so he could pursue an education he wanted when he could have his family on his side even though it wasn't what they wanted for him.

His eyes fired up and his fists clenched. "Take that back." He growled through his teeth.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "No."

"Take that back!"

"No!"

"Take that fucking back!" He stepped toward me and pressed me against the wall and held my wrists. Hard. "You better take that back right now!"

For once, fear grew and I feared my fiancé. "No. It is the truth." I said calmly. "You aren't even capable of loving anyone. You are completely emotionally disconnected from everyone."

He looked into my eyes. Going from burning rage to heartbreaking agony. I had called him an emotionless human being incapable of love.

"Soul―"

"I can't fucking stand you." He muttered and backed away from me. He didn't return to his laptop, he went into the hallway and grabbed his leather jacket. He put on his shoes and walked out of the apartment, slamming the door loudly.

I wanted to go after him, wanted to apologize for what I said, but I knew better than to follow him now. We were both hurt and with adrenaline pumping through our veins, no good would come out right now. What we both need is some space to cool down to then reopen this subject and talk it through like adults. Maybe taking up postponing our wedding was the right thing to do at the moment and get our relationship on track.

Yeah, that is what we need to do.

That night, I waited up for him. Waited and waited for him to return from wherever he had run off to. It was usual for him to run off in the middle of an argument, but he would always return two-three hours later. He was gone far too long. I couldn't wait anymore and I fell asleep.

The next morning, he wasn't home. He wasn't asleep next to her or on the couch. He wasn't seated in front of his laptop, paying bills or in the kitchen making breakfast. He was nowhere to be found.

That was very odd.

Worry blossomed in my veins and I tried to call him, but he didn't answer my calls. I called to our mutual friends trying to find him. That was until I called his friend Black*Star I finally hit the jackpot.

"Yeah, he is here." He said.

"Thank god! Is he awake? Is he okay?"

There is a pause. "Yeah, he is awake."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Eh, he is in the bathroom. Don't worry. He was about to leave before you called. It won't be long before he returns home."

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips and I pressed my hand over my chest. "Thank you Black*Star, please, tell him I will be waiting with breakfast ready." We said our goodbyes and we hung up.

Immediately I started to cook breakfast for a whole army. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausages, everything you can name, I prepared for his arrival. I had said some nasty things which I needed to make up for. Food was always the fast-track to his heart.

I took the coffee pot off the stove and placed it on the table when the front door opened. "I'm in the kitchen!" I yell cheerfully.

It took unusually long for him to get inside of the kitchen and when he did, he looked awful. His hair was a mess and his eyes were puffy and purple bags decorated his face. He had been crying.

"Oh Soul." I put down the spatula a turn off the stove. I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I'm sorry for what I said yesterday. You aren't unable to love and you are an amazing person. I was ticked and I wanted us to plan our wedding together. All of those things I said were out of hurt and anger and I feel bad for saying them to you."

He didn't wrap his arms around me. Not a word was said.

I took another deep breath and pressed my lips on his neck. "I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me? I made you breakfast. Your favorite."

"Maka…" he whispered, pulling me away from him. "There is something I need to tell you."

I blink in confusion. "What is it?"

He inhaled loudly. "I…" He gulped. "I… I… did something… awful."

My eyebrows narrowed and I crossed my arms. "What did you do?"

"Black*Star and I… we went to a club… and I…" He took a deep breath. "I… I smoked weed!"

I gasped loudly and covered my mouth. "You said you quit!"

"I know! I'm sorry!" He held out his arms toward me, wanting me to walk in his embrace. "I fucked up! I was just so pissed and the dealer was there and I accepted! I'm so sorry and I promise you it won't happen again!"

"How do I know that is true? What if we argue again and you decide to go smoking pot like some damned high schooler!"

"It won't happen." He stepped forward and wrapped me in his arms, secured me against his chest. "I promise it won't happen again. I fucked up majorly. Please, please, please, forgive me."

I fought back tears. My heart dropped to my knees. Despite the pain from the truth, I sunk into his arms and buried my face in his chest, letting my tears go. "I forgive you." I sniffled and wrap my arms around his waist. "You better not make me regret this."

"I promise you won't be disappointed." He rocked me in his arms and planted kisses on my head. "I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry. I fucked up and it won't happen again. I'm so sorry." He kept apologizing and murmured words of love into my ear.

That moment was our first moment of real intimacy for several months. I enjoyed his arms around me and listened in on his husky voice whispering love and apologies into my ear. It wasn't long until our lips connected and he kissed away my pain. His hands caged me against his chest and his fingertips caressed my spine.

"I love you." He whispered through kisses, repeating those words as often as he could. He was more than eager to remind me how much he loved me.

My phone started to ring and we were forced to break apart. It was Tsubaki. I answered the phone.

"Hey Tsubaki." I smiled. My lips throbbed from the kiss we had shared.

"You still up for shopping or would you rather make peace with Soul?" She immediately asked. Black*Star and Tsubaki lived together so of course she already knew about his stay with them.

I looked at Soul and smiled. "No, I'm up for it. Meet you in an hour?"

"Sure." And we hung up.

"Sorry." I walked up to Soul and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Girl's day." I kissed him quickly. "I promise we can finish talking tonight and I promise to make it up to you."

There was something odd with him. He smiled shakily at me as he put his hands on my hips. "Okay. Have fun."

I left him to eat his breakfast and drove to the mall where I met up with Tsubaki right on time at our usual store which happen to be a lingerie shop. Tsubaki always had a thing for getting new underwear for her. Sexy underwear. Very revealing and sexual underwear. I don't even want to know any more about that matter.

"Maka!" She smiled wide as she waved at me, running toward me. "Are you ready for some fun?"

I smiled and nodded, but I wasn't quite ready. The thought of Soul spending the night at their place must mean Black*Star knew about him smoking weed, so maybe Tsubaki had noticed something with him as well? I do trust him, but I Just can't let this go quite yet.

We walked inside of the lingerie shop and immediately Tsuabki headed for the leather and collar section.

"Tsubaki?" I said as I followed her.

"Yeah?"

"Did Soul spend the night at your place?"

She nodded while she picked up a leather corset with silver spikes on it. "Yeah, he came to us and Soul and Black*Star went to the bar for guy's talk or something although it seemed to have ended badly consider they were yelling their throats off when they returned late at night."

"What were they fighting about?" It had to be the weed, right? No, it couldn't. Black*Star and Soul may have found each other in high school and weed was their thing, he wouldn't be lashing out on him over a buddle of weed. It would be a moment of "nostalgia" when it was just the two of them and their dealer. I still can't believe I was friends with Black*Star during that time. It is a wonder I even stuck around as long as I did and met his smoking friends. It is unbelievable I fell for that pothead idiot.

She shrugged her shoulders and examined the leather corset, her fingers caressing the spikes on the boob area. "I don't really know. I was barely awake and when I walked out, they stopped and just glared at each other." She put the corset away and picked out another one. "I may have been exhausted and sleep still lingered, but I wasn't an idiot. I swear if I hadn't walked inside then there would have jumped at each other and it would have ended badly."

I raised my eyebrow as she walks along the shelves and looked over the underwear. "What do you think they were fighting about? I mean, Soul came home this morning and confessed he had smoked weed, but that isn't a subject for them to almost kill each other."

"Really?" Her eyes widen. "He did that? Did Black*Star smoke with him? Oh dear, that is definitely not a topic for them to fight so intensely over judging from their background."

"That is what I'm concerned about." I followed Tsubaki as she walked toward the changing rooms. "I fear he is hiding something from me."

"He is always hiding things. Even from you."

"I know, but something more than usual. Something larger that I should know about."

"Maka," She dumped her things inside of the free changing room and grabbed a hold of the curtain, "if you think something is odd, then why don't you call Black*Star and asked him what they were fighting over."

"You know he won't talk to me about it. Black*Star and I might be childhood friends, but he wouldn't reveal a secret. He has never revealed one."

Tsubaki cut of herself with the curtain as she started to change into the sexual underwear. "Then how about I call him? There is more of a chance he tells me something about Soul than you at the moment."

"Do you think it might work?"

"Yeah." Clothes rustle and an arm sneaked out from the edge of the curtain and held out a phone toward her. "Can you find his contact, please?"

"Sure." I grabbed the phone and unlocked the phone, surprisingly it did not contain her usual background picture of her and Black*Star, him kissing her cheek as she smiled wide toward the camera. This background picture was of Tsubaki sitting on a blanket in the green with a camellia bush behind her. "Tsubaki?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you changed your background picture?"

"No. Why?"

"There is a new picture."

"What?" She pushed the curtain away, standing in see-through fabric which barely covered her private parts. "Let me see." She snatched the phone and took a quick look before she groaned loudly. "Oh no! I accidentally took Black*Star's phone!"

"You two have the same lock?"

"Yeah. You know, we have nothing to hide for each other so we changed password to the same as the other." Tsubaki shook her head before she pressed buttons on the phone. "And, I just got a brilliant idea!"

"What is it?" I raised my eyebrow and joined her side, looking over her shoulder at the screen of the phone.

"Remember that time when Black*Star got so drunk at Kid's party in high school?"

Kid. Oh my. My first love. My first kiss and my first date. We had dated in freshman year in high school to junior year when he had to go away. I had been emotionally devastated since I really liked him. It was only a dark night when I walked home and I ran into Black*Star and Soul. It was then Soul had taken it upon himself to collect my broken pieces and got his shit together and in the process I had fallen for him.

"Yeah? Black*Star had documented the whole night with his camera in his drunken state. I'm still surprised the video was so stable even thought he was drunk and high out of his mind."

"It is a thing for him. To videotape things in his intoxicated state. He was drunk yesterday so most likely he did record something." Tsubaki opened his files and indeed he had recorded stuff. "Jackpot." Tsubaki clicked on the latest video and at begun with a very drunk Black*Star with a joint in his hand. The loud music muffled his voice as he wobbled forward, his lips moving.

"Stupid. He was just as stupid as Soul." I muttered as the video continued.

"He is going to be in trouble when I get back home." Tsubaki said stiffly, keeping the haywire of emotions locked up inside of her. For now.

Black*Star continued to wobble forward and his hand reached forward to a bathroom door. It swung open and my heart shattered into tiny pieces. The video revealed Soul and their dealer in high school― Soul's ex, fucking each other like rabbits on the sink. Her legs were hugging his waist tightly as her purple head rested against the mirror, her mouth open wide, crying out loudly and mewling in pleasure. Her boobs were hanging out of her top at full display and Soul had his face buried in them, kissing and sloppily licking them. Between the woman's fingers were a joint.

"Fuck weddings." Soul groaned out loudly as his hips slammed hard and fast into her own, his nails digging into her naked hips. "Fuck girlfriends. Fuck commitment." His pants and underwear pooled around his ankles and his jacket lay on the ground and his shirt was a mess.

"Oh yes!" she moaned loudly. "Fuck me! Yeah! Like that!" She mewled loudly and his tongue licked up to her neck and bite down, marking her bare neck as he made hickeys and wounds. "Dump her! Fuck me like this forever!" She panted loudly as her hand tangled in his hair.

"Oh yeah!" he complied and their tongues sloppily joined in a nasty drunken kiss.

I was utterly destroyed. The most intimate part of him was in her most private part. I could see clearly he wasn't wearing a condom.

Tears blurred my vision and I clutched my chest. He had been with her. His girlfriend he had dumped a week before he had met me. He had thrown me and our relationship and our wedding away for her. He had lied to me and kept her in the dark. He wanted the wedding gone, well guess what, he will get something better, he will lose me too.

Black*Star seemed to sober up in the past ten seconds that went by and he exploded. He leaped toward the couple like a savage lion, ripping at the two and the phone tumbled down to the ground and he yelled and cursed at Soul and The Dealer.

Tsubaki shut off the video and closed the phone. "I can't believe this…" Her eyes were wide and teary. "Soul wouldn't do something like that."

"Guess what," The tears spilled over and I immediately wiped them away, a sob ripped through my throat, "He did."

I turned on my heel and ran out of the store. I bumped into plenty of people, but I didn't care. I didn't try to cover up my tears and my sobs, people were giving me strange looks as I jumped into my car and drove out of the parking lot with tears roll down my cheeks, I screamed out my pain.

It is wrong to drive overly emotional, but I couldn't stay in the parking lot. I drove away on the highway and took turns I had never taken before. I came on an abandoned road and there is where I stayed, crying out my excruciating pain from my heart being broken by the man I loved. The man I had trusted and loved passionately, and he had gone behind my back, smoked weed and fucked his ex, telling her he would dump me and go back to her. Telling her I could go fuck myself and go to hell while he fell back into his old habits.

I breathed fast and deeply as my phone kept calling over and over and over and over again. Tsubaki, Black*Star and Soul blew my phone. All of them texting, leaving voicemails and calls, all trying to reach out to me. I had no plans of reading or hearing them out. I needed to be alone with my feelings.

My hands shook madly as I held them in front of me, the ring I once adored and loved tightly wrapped around my left ring finger now felt like a lie and a prison. I would never even think about cheating on him, and he could go and do such a thing to be because of one really bad argument, it proved enough for me. We weren't meant to be. He was meant to be a junkie sleeping around with his ex, or maybe girlfriend now, while I was destined to be alone and heartbroken by every male that walked into my life.

I needed to return to the apartment. I needed to get my things and move out. There is no way I could ever forgive him for doing such a thing and saying those horrible words. The intoxicated relationship needed to be broken and the wedding and engagement needed to be called off as soon as possible.

I drove around, looking for the highway where I had once been and drove to the apartment where I once called my home. The closer I got to the apartment complex, the tears and hurt aroused again and I sniffles and sobbed, wiping away my snoot and tears with the sleeve of my jacket. When I arrived home, I noticed Soul's bike was gone. Luckily for me, it made it much easier for me to get inside and start to pack my things in a suitcase. Clothes, hygiene products and other important belongings fell into the bag.

I picked up my phone and called Tsubaki, my hands shaking so badly I put it on speaker and put it on the bed as I continued to pack. Barely one peep went when Tsubaki picked up.

"Maka! Thank God you called! Where are you? No one knows where you are and Black*Star is out looking for you and so is Soul. They are both going mad!"

"Tsubaki." I sobbed and inhaled loudly. "I'm at the apartment. Packing. Can I stay at your place until I find an apartment of my own?"

"Of course sweetheart! Do you want me to come and get you? Is there something you want or need?"

"Just a large pack of ice-cream and a bunch of horror movies. I will be there in ten."

"Okay, drive safely. Don't do anything stupid."

I sobbed and shook my head. "I won't." I hung up and put the phone down in my pocket. I zipped the suitcase and just when I got it off the bed, the front door slammed open and I flinched violently.

"Maka!" Soul called. "I swear to God I can explain!"

I walked out of the bedroom and he stormed up to me, his hands lashed onto my shoulders. "There is nothing to explain!" I yelled, tears rolling down as waterfalls. The touch of him which had always soothed me, but now, only pictures of his hands digging into The Dealers hips.

"Please Maka! I was drunk out of my mind and she was there offered me weed and I really needed an escape and we talked and it happened! I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you and I wanted to tell you this morning but I chickened out! I swear to God I was going to tell you tonight about it! I didn't want you to find it out like this!"

I snapped my eyes up from my feet and pierced his equally soaked eyes. "When were you going to tell me?! At the altar on our big day or maybe when I was in labor giving birth or fucking when we sat on a porch watching our grandchildren run around?! I can't believe you would do something like this! You threw us away to go back being a junkie with your Dealer?!"

He shook his head madly as his nails dug deeper into my shoulders. "No! NO! I never wanted to hurt you! I never wanted to throw us away! I want you more than anything! Please Maka, please, please, please! Just give me a chance to explain myself and―"

"And what?! To hear more lies from you?!" I slapped his hands away from my shoulders, looking into his bloodshot eyes. "You said our wedding, commitment and I could fuck off! You made everything very clear what you wanted and not wanted."

"No, no, no! It was the weed, alcohol and sex talking! I want you! I have only wanted you and I will always want only you! I don't want us to end! I want marriage and I want kids and I want everything with you! Please Maka, please, please, please, please! Don't leave me! Please, just stay." He bawls his eyes out and collapses on his knees and rests his forehead on the floorboards of the apartment. "Please! Just give me a chance to prove myself! Think about all the good about me, think about the happy moment we have shared. Remember that time I proposed to you and confessed my love to you, think about that. Please," his hands hugged my feet as his lips planted kisses on my shoes. "Just don't leave me! I promise I will do better! I promise I will be two times more romantic and I promise I will be ten times more engage in our relationship and I promise to love you a thousand times more than I did!" His tears soaked my shoes. "Just please, don't leave me!"

I watched him bawling his eyes out on my shoes. He begged me to stay with him and give him a chance to redeem himself.

I took off the engagement ring off my finger and dropped it on the ground.

His eyes quickly darted to his ring he had given me and if he was devastated before, he was utterly destroyed now. He cried out loudly and gripped the ring in his hands and breathed heavily and fast.

"I didn't feel your love." I said, stepping out of his cage of arms and walked pass him. "Not in our everyday life or even when you proposed to me. You never went the extra length to show me how much you loved me. You're like a dog with a bone. He is completely uninterested in it and when it is threatened to go away, only then you fight for me. I don't deserve a man who is disconnected and uninterested in me."

I walked out of the front door and the loud last please of me to return was cut off, but the pain followed with me.