Disclaimer: I do not own Castle

The break room was much quieter than the floor of the precinct, and Kate was grateful for the peace it offered on a day that she couldn't wait to end.

Considering the late hour the precinct was still buzzing with people. Far too many people for Kate to enjoy being in the presence of, so when Javi had offered to take her into the break room and get her a coffee, she jumped at the chance.

However once alone with Detective Esposito her heart beat began to increase and her palms became clammy. It wasn't him. She knew that much. He was nice, he asked her how she liked her drink, if she needed anything else and how she was holding up. He wasn't the problem; the handcuffs clinking together around his waist however were proving more of an issue. It wasn't the sight of them, but more the sound of the metal clinking together.

"Kate?" Detective Esposito asked, placing a mug of coffee in front of Kate and pulling up a chair opposite her. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, fine." Kate said quickly, taking the coffee and letting the piping hot liquid run down her throat.

"You did well today. He's going to go away for a long time for what he put you through."

"I just did what Rick… Detective Castle asked. He's really taken care of me these past few weeks. I know he didn't have to."

"He cares about you. It's what makes him a good cop, he invests in his victims."

"But he has gone above and beyond for me. I can't help but worry that I won't be able to repay him"

"Castle doesn't want repaying. He wants to catch the men who did this to you and get justice for you. We all do. You ever need anything, you don't be afraid to ask, ok?"

"Ok. Thank you Detective Espositio"

"Call me Javi. I'll go see if they have finished up in there"

He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze before leaving the break room and heading back to his desk. Kate stayed seated, slowing sipping her coffee and taking in the soothing silence.

The precinct was still a place she dreaded coming to, too many people whom she didn't know, who carried weapons and charged past her in their rush to get to a crime scene. The handcuffs they each held were a constant reminder of the scars she had been left with, both physically and mentally. It was only then she realized that she had never seen Castle with his handcuffs, and she was now sure that that wasn't a coincidence. He had been trying to shield her from anything that would even remotely remind her of her past. He had been wrapping her up in the present and encouraging her to move on and face her fears, not dwell in the darkness of her nightmares.

Once she was back at the loft she finally relaxed. The loft was a safe haven for her, with things she recognized and controlled. Taking a cab from the station to the loft on her own had felt like one of her biggest achievements so far. After telling Castle repeatedly that she would be absolutely fine taking a cab on her own she'd made her way out onto the busy streets of the city. Usually that would have scared her. Normally she would have put her head down and raced to wherever she needed to be, without taking in any of her surroundings. However today was different. She knew no one was looking for her, no one was still out to get her and take her away again. Today she was free to wander the city without having to watch her back for any New Yorker that might brush past her and send her straight into panic mode. Today had been so different. She had time to take in the bright colors of the trees in the park, the smell of the hot pretzels cooking by the side of the road and the laughter of friends meeting up over a coffee. It was then she realized how much she had missed the city, and how much she longed to get her life back to normal.

Her father knocking on the door was a welcoming sound in the silence of the loft. As much as she loved the peace and quiet the loft offered, she knew she had spent far too long contemplating her life in the silence of a cold room. She longed for a room filled with family and friends that could help her forget her past.

"Hi Katie" Her dad greeted, as she opened the door. His well-practiced greeting, washing over her like a wave of calmness and she leaned into his embrace.

"Hey Dad. I've missed you" she whispered into his worn coat.

Their hug lasted longer than usual, each wanting to hold one another for just a second more. It was her dad that finally gave in and pulled away.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to come around sooner but I… well I didn't know if you would want me to"

"Of course I want you to. Please don't be a stranger."

"I won't" Her father relaxed, letting his shoulders drop and a smile appeared on his face. Reaching down to grab a box he followed Kate into the apartment and into towards the couch. "I brought some things for you. There isn't much, mostly just things that your mother kept, personal items that I think she would have liked you to have."

"Thanks Dad" Kate replied, taking the box from him and putting it near her on the couch.

"Have you been? To the cemetery?" he clarified.

"No."

"Do you plan on going?"

"At some point. I feel like if I go, it means she's really gone." The tears pricked in her eyes as she picked up the cardboard box and placed it on her lap.

The box in her lap was heavy, weighed down with more than just objects, but memories of each day in her mother's life. Some objects she recognised immediately, her small jewelry box with images on the sides, her figurine of a parade of elephants that used to sit on her desk and a smaller trinket box which held her mother's engagement ring.

"After she died, I didn't want to have a funeral because I wanted you there. I didn't want to accept that I had lost you both"

"Dad you didn't lose me" Kate said taking her father hand, reinforcing that she was there, alive and well and back at home.

"Once she was buried I had somewhere to go to, somewhere to feel close to her again."

"I just want to see her one more time, just once more would be enough. Just to tell her I love her and that I'm sorry"

"I thought the same. Just five minutes would be enough. But it would never be enough. She knew how much you loved her. Every day when you were missing she would go into your room just to see if you had come home. She kept your room tidy and she always made an extra portion for dinner just in case you came home. She never gave up on you. She loved you with all her heart Katie"

"I just miss her so much Dad. I don't want it to be real. It can't be real. I can't not ever see my mom again" the tears streamed down her face freely and she choked back sobs before her body collapsed into her dad's arms.

His arms wrapped around her, just like they had when she was a child, protecting her from the evils in the world and promising to never leave her again.

"I miss her too. Every day. But the day I found out I had you back, I felt that I got a part of her back as well. She will always be with you Katie. She'll always be looking out for you"

With Castle working late and Martha away at a rehearsal, Kate took the time to enjoy the calm of the loft. After her dad had left she had prepared dinner for later in the evening and settled down to read one of the many books available to her. However no matter how many times she read over the same line her eyes constantly wandered to the small statue of elephants on parade that her dad had given her earlier. They were her mom's, she kept them on her desk and on the rare occasion that she would have to go to work with her mom, young Katie would sit and stare at the elephants, thinking about how much of a family they were. One day her mom told her that they were a family just like them, that they supported each other and kept each other safe.

Kate placed the elephants on the bookshelf, she'd moved some books around earlier in the day and claimed one of the shelves as her own, and filling it with the books she intended to read. The elephants stood proudly in the center. She knew Rick wouldn't mind, he had been doing everything he could to make her feel at home, and this would help her even more.

The day passed quickly. Kate managed to get some of her exercises done in preparation for her final appointment at the hospital next week. She even managed to do some research into apartments for rent and jobs in the area. She didn't want anything too stressful to start with, maybe just an admin job, or working in a restaurant. But she craved the excitement, she wanted a job that she loved and could do well. Going back to college was something that would have to wait for now, she knew there was no way she was ready to move away and completely commit to an intense course, when she was only just managing to get through the week without her thoughts trailing back to the horrors she had experienced. But, she needed a distraction, a way to get through the day and take her mind off everything else.

Once Castle arrived home, they made a quick dinner and settled onto the couch. Neither of them felt like doing much, the day had been long and strenuous for both of them, so slumping on the couch and doing nothing for the rest of the evening sounded like pure bliss.

But there was something between them. An atmosphere that could only be described as tense, but in the best way possible. They were comfortable around each other, they had grown to know each other well and take care of each other. Kate had convinced herself that she needed Castle to continue helping her and he had convinced himself that she needed him. They cared for each other.

He had looked after her from the moment they had rescued her from her own prison. He had made sure she was safe and well. He had helped her rebuild her life and catch the man who did this to her. They still needed to know whom he was working for, but for now it was enough just to see her relax in the evening and not keep glancing at the door to check if someone was coming for her. Every time he looked at her, he saw her strength grow every day. Each day she became more like the person he imagined she used to be; strong, smart and beautiful. He wanted to keep her that way forever, he wanted to watch her take back all the control she had lost. He wanted to be by her side whilst she did that.

"So Star Wars movie marathon and popcorn sound good to you?" Castle offered, noticing that neither of them had spoken for at least five minutes.

"That sounds great right about now" Kate sighed, letting herself sink further into the couch whilst Rick set about getting the movie ready.

Kate pulled the throw across her lap and settled into the corner of the couch. Rick joined her, placing the popcorn between them and grabbing the other corner of the throw for himself.

He had been skeptical about her choice of movie for the night, wondering if she had only chosen it to please him or because she felt as though she couldn't say no, but twenty minutes into the film it was evident that she was more than happy with the choice.

The first film passed too quickly and before they knew it, it was one in the morning and they had made it through two and a half films before they finally decided to call it a night.

Rick found himself following Kate upstairs and whilst she changed, he made sure there was a hot water bottle ready, a glass of water and some painkillers. He knew that the past few days had been stressful. Physically she was healing, there was no denying that, but it eased his mind knowing that if she was in pain, he could help her deal with it.

Kate emerged from the bathroom in a sleep shirt and pajama shorts with her hair scraped back into a messy bun and in her hands the cream Rick had been helping her apply every night.

Tonight was no different, as Kate sat on the edge of the bed and Rick worked the cream into her back. It had healed well and only a few of the larger marks remained. His hands were warm and soft, allowing her to relax into the feeling and let her mind wander. Thinking back, she realised how stupid she had been in her reluctance to ask her help, because she needed it. She could try to be as strong as and put on the facade that she was fine, but the reality was far from the truth. It still hurt her to put too much pressure on her back, sleeping on it had only just become bearable, yet she had been trying her best to find comfortable positions. Too much exercise was still a problem as her body got tired much easier than it used to, but she refused to give up. She had come this far, and she wasn't about to back down now.

"Kate?"

Rick's voice pulled her from her thoughts as she felt him touch her shoulders, letting her know that he was finished.

"Sorry, thanks Rick. How's it looking?"

"Better. Much better. I think in a few more days it should be completely healed."

"Good" she smiled, "Rick, there is something I've been meaning to talk to you about"

"Ok?" Uncertainty laced his voice as he straighten up and looked directly into her hazel eyes.

"I've been thinking about our, well our situation here. It's not that I don't appreciate everything you have done for me because I really do, but I just think that maybe soon I should start looking for my own place and I was hoping you would help me?" Kate finally took a breath and anxiously awaited his response.

"Kate, I would be more than happy to help you, but you know you are welcome to stay here for as long as you need, don't you?"

"I know, and it will be a while before I am ready to move out but I thought I should start looking. I was also going to look at college courses again, maybe I could finish my studies?"

"Do you think you're ready to go back to college?"

"I don't know. It was one of the things I was going to talk to Dr Burke about."

"Well whatever you decide, I will back your play."

"Thanks Castle" she paused. The air between them was thick and warm, and she couldn't help but long for his comforting touch. Just a hug to say goodnight or even for him to press into her shoulder once more, before slipping away into the night. Anything, but this awkwardness that filled the air between them. "well it's late and I should really be getting to bed." She said, thinking of the only thing she could to put a stop the roller coaster of feelings that were currently flashing through her mind.

"Yeah, of course. Well if you need anything, just come and get me, ok?"

"Ok, thanks Rick, you really don't have to do this"

"I want to do this. I'll see you tomorrow"

It was his smile that reassured her that Esposito was right, he did care about her. He wasn't letting her stay because he felt like he was obliged to, and he wasn't helping her each day because she needed him to. It was because he wanted to.

She fell to sleep that night with only that thought in her mind.

The next morning the loft was unusually quiet when Kate made her way downstairs just after seven. Castle was normally finishing up his breakfast on making his way out of the door. Martha was usually sleeping in, so it tended to be just the two of them for breakfast. However by the lack of dishes in the sink, Kate knew Castle had either skipped breakfast this morning or was running extremely late.

A loud thud from the bedroom confirmed her suspicions as Castle came racing from the bedroom, his shirt untucked, clutching his keys and phone in one hand and his badge and handcuffs in another. He rushed to the kitchen dropping the items onto the counter and proceeded to tuck his shirt in and run a hand through his untamed hair.

"Morning Kate, sorry I'm running late. Overslept" he explained in a hurry. "Guess staying up late and watching Star Wars wasn't the greatest idea on a weeknight, right?" he suggested, grabbing his keys and phone and shoving them into this pocket. "Did you sleep ok?" he asked, finally looking up and standing still for a moment. "Kate?" he asked, noticing how she was stood, frozen like a statue staring at the counter. His eyes followed her gaze onto the worktop, right where his badge and handcuffs lay. "Oh God, Kate, I'm sorry" he apologized, quickly grabbing the cuffs and shoving them in his back pocket. "I didn't think, I'm sorry, I should never have…"

"No" she interrupted, her voice stronger than he had anticipated. "No. It's ok."

"Kate, it's not."

"Rick, I can't start panicking every time I see a pair of cuffs, or hear the sound of metal. It just took me by surprise that's all. But I'm ok, I promise" she smiled.

"Are you sure" he asked softly.

"I'm positive. Now, do you have time for a coffee before you set off?"

Castle glanced at his watch. He really didn't have time, he needed to be in work by half past seven and there was no way he would make it there on time now. That fact, coupled with the idea of spending more time with Kate, made his decision extremely easy.

"I'm already late, one coffee won't make that much difference"

"Good" Kate smiled, "you sit down, I'll make the coffee" the happiness she felt that he had decided to stay was something new and exciting to her. And something she would like to get used to.

I just want to say that I am extremely sorry that this update has come so late. I have started a new job that is taking up pretty much all of my time at the moment, however I do feel very bad for leaving it so long without an update.

To those who are still sticking with me, thank you so much, I really appreciate it, but I understand it has been so long. Hopefully the next update won't be too far away.

Please let me know your thoughts. I really appreciate all my readers, followers and reviews, you're the best!

H. x