This was inspired by a conversation with expiration, during which the prompt "pretending to be wizards" was brought up. ;) This is the result of that.

Hello Wizard World is set in Little Whinging, around the beginning of the 7th book, Deathly Hallows. I screwed around with canon somewhat. ;) Story is similar to Elf Prince, Digivolve! in the sense that Neji and Tenten react to major events happening around them.

Naruto, Harry Potter and their characters do not belong to me.

Hello Wizard World

Chapter 1: Strange Things Happening

The air was stifling tonight, muggy, heavy, and earthy with scents of summer. Tenten had most of the windows in her house closed, which didn't help. In the background, the TV buzzed its high-pitched frequency as the newscaster pulled up yet more incident reports from around the area - mysterious, cloaked people were beginning to appear at random - first Woking, then Guildford - threatening civilians with little sticks.

Strangely enough, people were getting affected by them, even though there weren't any visible injuries to be witnessed.

On more than one occasion, the victims had clutched at their bodies and screamed bloodcurdling screams, writhing as though their very skins were on fire. The news crews themselves were targeted, and even the newscaster herself looked a little pale as she watched her colleagues get taken down by these cloaked figures.

Tenten swallowed nervously, and continued to slice her bell peppers into thin strips.

Slice, slice slice. Turn the strips clockwise, and dice them to form tiny, tiny cubes. The pot on the stove already held her onions, hot peppers and tomatoes, and it wasn't too much work to add the remaining ingredients to get her relish started.

After all, she couldn't sleep. With news breaking every half hour or so, she didn't dare sleep.

Especially because those attacks were getting closer and closer to where she lived in Little Whinging, Surrey.

All the lights in her house were off, save for the kitchen, which faced her backyard. Both the windows and thick curtains were drawn shut - there weren't any bug nets on the windows here, unlike the houses over in America or Australia. Besides, Tenten didn't want sounds she made in the kitchen to be easily discernible to whoever may be lurking outside.

She shivered. Who knew what the motives of the cloaked figures were?

Privet Drive didn't seem a very safe place to be at the moment, but she didn't really know where else she could go - most of her friends lived around Surrey, too, and she wasn't sure if going to them would help much, if at all.

Maybe the terrorists would miss Little Whinging completely, and head to Aldershot next.

The bell peppers were completely diced up soon enough - she figured she'd make half a batch of relish tonight (if she was still alive by tomorrow, she'd make another batch of relish) and scooped them into her large pot. Sugar, salt and cayenne powder went in next, followed by two different types of vinegar, and Tenten turned the heat on, stirring the mixture with a wooden spatula.

"Another attack has been reported near the Central Library of Sutton," the newscaster said, interrupting the international news that she had been in the middle of going through. "Two men have been pronounced dead just meters away from the library three minutes ago. Paramedics have not been able to pinpoint the cause of death, although multiple witnesses from a nearby fish-and-chips restaurant have reported that two cloaked figures vanished into thin air after a flash of green light-"

Tenten winced and swallowed. No one she knew lived in Sutton, which was perhaps a good thing. But then again, Sutton was a big town, and Little Whinging was not. There would be few places to hide, if they targeted this place next.

Maybe they'd head further away from Surrey and across the North Sea next. Or maybe the Atlantic. Lots of people across the pond.

The doorbell rang, and Tenten almost jumped out of her skin.

Her hands turned sweaty; she was glad that she was done chopping her bell peppers up.

Cautiously, she set her spatula down, and crept into the living room, where her only source of light was the cathode-ray TV.

There were a number of booby traps that she'd set while it was still bright in the house, shortly after news reports of the random attacks had begun. It was by sheer good memory that she knew where exactly to pick her foot up, and how high to lift it, to avoid setting off her (very lethal, if she might say so herself) traps.

The streetlamps were still on, their orange glow bouncing off her curtains and onto the painted walls surrounding the windows. Tenten steered clear of the door (what if the person was looking through her peephole? He or she would still be able to see movement in the distorted image) and eased into her study. Carefully, with her breath held, she lifted the edge of the curtains further away from the front door, and peeked through the window.

A black Ferrari was parked right in front of her home, and she sighed with relief at its appearance.

Quickly, Tenten made her way to the front door, glanced through the peephole (she couldn't be too sure, with all that was happening today), and unlocked the door, throwing it open.

Neji Hyuuga stood on her doorstep, pale eyes snapping towards her. He had been surveying his surroundings, and Tenten barely glanced at his jeans and button-down shirt before dragging him into her living room, plastic bags and all.

"Have you heard?" she hissed. With practiced ease, she snapped all the locks and deadbolts on her door into place, and turned around to pull him into a tight hug. He had not been contactable at all the entire day - it was the last day of a trial that had dragged on for too long.

"Who hasn't?" he rumbled, though his strong arms wrapped around her back and shoulders, and the plastic bags bumped into her side. "You're living in a cave, Tenten."

She rolled her eyes, immensely glad that he was with her, now. "Well yeah, I don't want to have all my lights on and be advertising a party in the middle of the night. The Spanish Inquisition will be upon us faster than you know it."

He snorted lightly, but said little else.

"Come on in, I'm not turning the living room lights on for anything," she told him. "But be careful, there're traps around here."

Neji sighed behind her, and she could imagine the resignation on his beautiful, regal face. "How confident are you that I'll manage not to kill the both of us with your invisible strings?"

Tenten paused. "Not very."

"Is there a path that isn't trapped?" he asked next, and she could hear the faint amusement in his baritone.

She paused again. "No."

"So how do you propose I reach the kitchen unscathed?"

There were several solutions to that, though the quickest way... "I'll guide you to the kitchen. You in front, me in the back, and I'll use my legs to show you how high up to go."

It was also the most awkward solution.

Neji grunted his agreement, and Tenten winced.

"At least we can do this without getting all embarrassed with each other," she said lightly, and pulled away from him, turning him around to face the easiest route.

Of all the things Tenten imagined herself to be doing, she did not expect it to be pressed up against her best friend, leading him through her living room while they avoided trip wires that could send any number of knives through their bodies in the next second. With murderers and torturers on the loose somewhere in Surrey, no less.

It was oddly arousing.

Sure, they had been best friends for years now, since secondary school, though it was only recently, when she'd realized that she was, in fact, in love with him, that it became a little awkward to touch him. Mostly because her imagination would begin to wander.

To take her mind off their current situation, Tenten held Neji's arms firmly and peered around him. There were plenty of tripwires where there was open space, so she guided him towards the couches, and pressed her leg to the back of his, to lift his foot clear of the one low wire.

She wanted to strike a conversation, she really did, just to hear his voice, but decided against it when Neji stiffened in her arms suddenly, as if he'd felt his foot catch on a wire.

Tenten threw her weight onto him, toppling them both onto the couch, seconds before they heard whizzes in the air pass where they would've stepped next.

"That was close," Neji muttered beneath her.

"At least we know it works," she answered lightly, pleased that the response time of her traps was relatively swift.

Slowly, she picked herself off him and led him back to the kitchen, before offering him a mug of tea.

"Green tea, please," he answered absently, glancing around her kitchen.

"Never grew fond of English breakfast tea, did you?" Tenten asked lightly, reaching over her counter for a tin of green tea leaves. She pulled his usual mug out from a cupboard and dispensed tea and hot water from a vacuum flask into it.

"Thanks. It doesn't seem as though you've deviated far from your Asian roots, either," Neji said, setting his bags down on the counter. He took his mug from her and looked to her pot of (decidedly-not-Asian) relish, where it was now bubbling merrily. "More relish?"

Tenten cursed and turned it down to a simmer, stirring the mixture lightly. With that done, she noted the time, turned back to Neji, and smiled. "Hey, I made it less spicy this time - you won't faint after taking a bite."

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"You must have inherited it from your Japanese roots, since real wasabi isn't all that spicy," she told him.

Neji belonged to a prominent Japanese family located in London, famous for being lawyers through their generations. His great-grandparents had migrated and settled in Britain long ago, bringing their strict family traditions with them. Tenten, herself, had been to a couple of his family's townhouses - regal, expensive places, not unlike how his family looked and dressed.

And his uncle Hiashi - gods, his uncle Hiashi - was he the most uptight person she'd ever had the misfortune to meet.

Hiashi Hyuuga wasn't too fond of her, either, but Tenten was content with staying well away from the rest of Neji's family.

"Heaven help me if you ever decide to make one of those Szechuan dishes again," Neji muttered, glancing askance at her. "I swear, your parents brought you up on red hot peppers."

"That makes me spicy, doesn't it?" she winked at him, grinning, and Neji looked away, unamused.

Like Neji, her own parents had passed away years ago, roughly when she was getting to know Neji better, and their mutual loss had helped draw them closer. It was not something they talked about much these days, though.

"C'mon, Neji, you know you like me spicy," Tenten teased, nudging him in the side.

He merely shrugged, sent her a long-suffering glance, and returned to the plastic bags he'd brought in with him.

"What'd you bring?" she asked, curious now. "I hope there's Eccles cakes in there."

Neji gave her a smug look then, and fished a small, printed bag out of a larger carrier. Tenten squealed - she recognized the brown logo of the bakery in the middle of town. "You got them!"

Her stomach growled, and Tenten took the bag from him, reaching in for the individually-wrapped pastries.

"I could bang you for this," she gushed, missing Neji's arched eyebrow while she tore open the paper packaging.

An Eccles cake was a round, flat pastry, smaller than her palm and coated with sugar. Tenten bit into hers, encountering sweetness as sugar dissolved on her tongue. The buttery, flaky crust broke, and it was moments before she tasted the rich currant filling in the center of the snack.

Neji was still watching her by the time she opened her eyes and sucked her fingers off, a silly grin on her face. "You looked as if you were in the throes of pleasure," he told her dryly.

She was caught off-guard for a moment, and blinked stupidly at him, before she realized two things: one, that she would love to have Neji see her in the throes of pleasure, and two, that she wanted to know how uncomfortable she could get him by spouting something sexual - he was always reserved on the topic of sex.

"Another report has been made about an attack in Aldershot - three men have been murdered in cold blood just outside the train station," the newscaster announced, effectively breaking the hazy cloud of lust in her head.

Tenten cringed, and felt cool fingers of fear grip her stomach again. "Bloody hell," she swore, glancing at Neji. "Did you run into any trouble while you were on your way here?"

He frowned and shook his head, glancing towards the TV. "There was hardly any disturbance in the area, though I may have seen strangely-dressed people around."

She froze. Thought about the little sticks she'd seen the cloaked figures on TV wave around. "Do you believe in magic?" Tenten whispered, glancing towards the kitchen window.

Neji frowned. "Isn't that a mere myth?"

"How do you explain what's been happening, then?" she returned. "Mysterious deaths and torture without physical evidence. It's just like a gruesome fairy tale come alive."

"There has to be another explanation for it," Neji insisted. He leaned against the stone counter and folded his arms, surveying her. "I've never seen evidence of magic."

"What if they erased memories of people who've seen it?" Tenten pursed her lips. If there was magic involved, then surely the people wielding it would be capable of anything. "What if you're an impostor?"

He stared at her. "You can't be serious."

"Hell yeah, I am," she insisted, folding her arms. "What's my deepest, darkest secret?"

Neji breathed a sigh. "Do you really want me to say that out loud?"

Tenten winced, but nodded. "It's for your sake and mine."

"You're still embarrassed by how you announced to the entire class that you were the best at advanced math, when in fact, I was," he informed her. "Just before we took the O-levels. You were so embarrassed that you hid for days."

"I wish you didn't bring that up," she muttered. The familiar burn crept up her cheeks, and Tenten grimaced. "Well, at least I know you're the real deal."

"And how would I know that you're not a fake?" Neji asked in return, clearly enjoying the game. The corners of his lips twitched.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Just by how I knew where all my traps were?"

"That knife attack was a little slow in coming," Neji acknowledged easily, and she glowered at him. "It's a little below your usual standards."

"Why you-" Tenten pushed away from her counter, and started towards him.

"You haven't told me who you've got a crush on yet," Neji said, and she stilled, frozen to the tiled floor.

Her face completed its transformation into an overripe tomato.

Tenten jerked her gaze away from him, and started back towards her pot of relish, giving it a too-violent stir. "I don't have a crush," she muttered.

What Neji didn't know was that she had a new deepest, darkest secret. And it was him.

He smirked. "At least tell me if it's someone we know."

"It doesn't concern you," she told him, still stirring the pot, even though it no longer required stirring.

"A neighbor?" Neji pressed.

"For the last time, I'm not telling you anything about it," she snapped, frowning at her pot of more-red-than-green relish. "Zero. Zilch."

He stepped closer to her, and Tenten tensed when his hard chest pressed against her back, and his breath tickled her ear. Her heart tried to leap out of her rib cage.

"Tententen," he whispered, a nickname that he hadn't used in ages.

Her receding blush returned, and Tenten felt her body respond to him. Her heart fluttered; her center grew slick with heat. She wanted to pin him down on the floor, and ride him until he-

"Neji," she grit, leaning away from him with all she had.

"You used to like it when I stood close to you," he pointed out quietly, stepping away.

That was before she started thinking about what else he could be doing while he stood behind her. Like bending her over, for instance.

Tenten groaned, and drew a deep breath. "I- I just need some space."

He moved to stand next to her, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, and Tenten's heart almost imploded.

Neji's family would expect him to marry someone worthy of his status - someone the exact opposite of herself. She had no family left, she didn't have a prestigious job like he did (she was a freelancing writer), and worst of all, Tenten was convinced that Neji's relatives would not welcome her as an addition to the family. So she winced, and tucked that information back where it belonged.

"It doesn't seem healthy for you to keep hiding it like that," he pointed out evenly, and she frowned.

"It'll go away," she told him. "It's nothing to be concerned about."

He looked dubiously at her, but didn't comment on it. "How much longer do we have to stay up for?"

Thankful for the change in topic, Tenten glanced towards the wall clock. "Well... It's an hour longer before this is done simmering. And I'll need an additional half hour to can everything."

Neji acknowledged her words with a nod. "For a moment there, I thought we'd have to stay up all night."

She frowned at him then, and glanced towards the TV. Worry settled back into her gut. "I don't know if I can sleep."

"You're worried about that?" he asked, glancing out of the window. "From what I've seen, it's not a mass murder. It appears that people who stay out on the streets are more liable to be targeted."

"Are you going to work tomorrow?" she asked nervously. If anything happened to Neji...

"I told Uchiha that I'll be working from home tomorrow," Neji replied, pulling his phone out to check for messages. "He's staying in as well. Doctor's orders."

Tenten smiled, thinking of their pink-haired mutual friend (more of hers than Neji's). "Sure is convenient to be married to a doctor. You get a never-ending supply of medical leave-"

"Married to that doctor, he's also been on the receiving end of the worst punches," Neji informed her dryly. "You haven't seen some of his bruises."

She blinked, momentarily forgetting about her worries. "Henpecked, much?"

Neji shrugged. "He seems almost happy with it."

Tenten felt her eyebrows crawl up her forehead; Sasuke Uchiha was the most uptight person next to Neji's uncle, and similar to Neji before he loosened up some. To think of him being on the receiving end of Sakura's punches...

"I think my brain just broke," she told Neji, gaping at him. "Aren't you glad you aren't henpecked."

He sent her a questioning stare. "And who would be the one pummeling me into submission?"

She giggled. "I don't know, have you been dating anyone without telling me who it is?"

He angled an almost-offended look at her. "I tell you if I do."

"So you are dating someone currently," Tenten suggested.

None of Neji's relationships ever amounted to much, and he brushed their failures off as him having commitment issues. Sometimes, he said his girlfriends were jealous of her being his best friend. She couldn't blame them for it - Neji didn't keep them around long, either.

"No, not at the moment." Neji shook his head slightly, though he didn't seem troubled by the fact.

"No desire to shag someone yet, huh?" she asked innocently.

He frowned at her. "That's not the point of a-"

"I know, I know," Tenten interrupted with a grin, heading over to him and draping her arm over his shoulder. "Get to know them first, and then bonk them."

"Tenten!" Neji pulled out of her one-armed hug, turning to face her head-on. His lilac eyes were narrowed, and she smiled, tapping him on the chest.

"When did you last... you know." It wasn't like she was curious about who he slept with, but Tenten didn't turn down the opportunity to imagine him doing... things. Preferably with herself, of course.

"Do I have to answer that?" he asked sullenly. (She knew she always got the answers to her questions, though.)

"You tell me whenever I ask," Tenten reminded him. "Besides, it's not like I ask what exactly you do with them, or how many times they scream your name-"

"Three weeks." He was looking at the clock.

She lifted her eyebrows, surprised. "That's a pretty long time, by your standards."

Neji shrugged. "I've been busy."

"Or is your libido waning? Are you getting old, Neji?" She grinned, and put a hand to his forehead.

He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and pulled her hand off his face, leaning in to frown at her. "Been busy. Let's change the subject."

"Fine," Tenten huffed, backing off. "How long do you think we're going to need to stay in here? I don't have all that much food stocked up."

With a casual wave, he motioned towards the bags he'd set on her counter. "I brought some food, if you haven't noticed. Fruits and some canned things."

She brightened, and headed over to the bags to see if there was anything that needed to go into the fridge. Neji didn't get any fresh veggies, so she placed the fruits in cold storage, and stashed cookies and canned food in her pantry. There was also his laptop satchel, that she'd missed somehow, and a small bag of spare clothes.

"Staying for a while, huh?" she asked, glancing at him. "You do have some clothes here already, you know."

He shrugged. "I thought it would be prudent to bring extras."

Tenten remembered the stripped guest bed suddenly, and swore. "The guest bed sheets are still in the washer," she blurted, "I figured you might drop by at some point, and began to wash the sheets. Unfortunately, I've been too distracted to dry them."

She waved towards the pot of relish sheepishly.

Neji lifted an eyebrow and thought for a while. "Assuming the couches are out of the question," he began, glancing towards the living room. Tenten shook her head emphatically. "I could share your bed. It's not like I'm dating anyone currently, anyway."

She turned around to stir her relish, though it was mostly to hide the prickle of heat on her cheeks. "Sure."

The thought of his warm body pressed against hers sent her mind straight into the gutter, and Tenten had to focus on her breathing to clear her thoughts.

"I could always just get the dryer going," Neji offered from beside her, and Tenten glanced towards him, surprised by his sudden proximity. "That'll give me dry sheets."

"No!" she yelped.

Neji stared at her in question, and she froze.

"Well, I mean, the dryer is right next to the outer wall of the house - it can be heard from the outside while in operation," she blathered, her cheeks pink. "Safety first."

He studied her carefully. "One might almost think you were trying to get me in bed with you, Tenten," he said quietly, a hint of amusement flitting across his countenance. "If it wasn't for how you've never hit on me seriously through the time I've known you, I would've thought otherwise."

She was on the verge of telling him how past events may or may not indicate future performances, but held her tongue instead. There was no point letting him know more than he should, anyway.

So Tenten huffed, folded her arms across her chest, and changed the topic. "Anyhow, I'm glad you thought to ring the doorbell instead of using the key I gave you."

"Given the news breaking every fifteen minutes, I figured my chances of not being skewered were higher if I did not open the door," Neji informed her, leaning against the counter. He smirked, and watched as she stirred the relish again. Tenten grinned at him. "How much longer?"

"Half an hour until this is done, then I begin canning," she told him.

"Time to lay on the flirtatious remarks?" he asked lightly.

Tenten rolled her eyes. "I have better ways to kill time, Hyuuga."

"Like? Exchanging creative dirty talk?"

She scoffed, and burst out laughing at the humor in his eyes. "Your libido's acting up. Guess you weren't getting old, after all."

"You make me feel young, Miss," he said, with a heavier northern accent, pretending to tip his hat, and Tenten cracked up, clutching her middle.

"I never thought you'd grow into a dirty old man, Neji!" she gasped, in between bouts of hysterical laughter. "I bet you'd charm the skirts off all the girls on the streets!"

"In which case, you'll be invited to witness the orgy," he replied with a straight face. "I would be at the epitome of my youth."

She choked on her saliva, and laughed until she couldn't breathe. The reference to youth was courtesy of their mutual friend, Lee, and his adoptive father, Mr Gai, both of whom tended to go overboard with green clothing and exclamations about spring.

"Those beautiful blossoms would be lining up with their petals spread," she agreed, giggling helplessly. "And they'll moan in ecstasy while you deflower them with your shoot of love-"

"That's enough, Tenten," Neji interrupted, a tint of pink on his cheeks.

She caught his embarrassment, and couldn't help but continue, "You'd be dipping your manly branch into their honeypots full of nectar-"

"Tenten," he repeated, and was beside her before she could process his movements, pressing his lips to her temple.

She froze then, immediately, all traces of humor wiped from her mind.

"What?" Tenten yelped, jerking away, her heart coming to life in her chest. Neji was looking at her earnestly; it felt as if there was only him and her in the kitchen, and she couldn't breathe, couldn't remember what was going on outside, or what the newscaster was suddenly announcing-

The front door crashed open with a bang.

Tenten whipped her head around at the same time Neji did, and standing in her doorway, against a backdrop of orange flames, was a cloaked figure with a pointed hat.

A/N: (1) This is easily the most difficult fic I've written to date - writing speed is like half of everything else, mainly due to motivation and unfamiliarity with setting. I realize that Brits have a bunch of slang... but I'm not sure just how much of it Neji and Tenten should be using - the characters in HP don't use it much either. Feedback on voices would be helpful!

(2) I have roughly 3 chapters of this written so far - if anyone has (short story) ideas regarding Neji and Tenten getting exposed to the magical world, feel free to drop me a line.

(3) Are you guys busy? I noticed that feedback on Blackmail has been decreasing, and am wondering if there should be larger intervals between updates so you'll have time to catch up.

(4) Am currently also working on a NejiTen oneshot set in Singapore - DMHG, thank you for the unintentional reminder, it was inspiring somehow. :P

Thoughts about the wizard fic? Comments? Feedback? Feel free to drop a review, I need a lot of motivation to finish this.. ugh :(