Finding my way back to you, a vampire academy fanfic

I don't own Vampire Academy or any of the characters etc…all belong to Richelle Mead. This was just something that popped into my head.

Title: Finding my way back to you

Summary: A heartbroken and miserable Rose Hathaway gets pushed into pouring her heart out at a karaoke bar which leads to mending her broken heat.

Rating: M

Just a one shot…. Happy reading and feel free to leave a review

RPOV

What's that saying about true love? You'll only ever have one. Is that supposed to make people feel more in love? What about those people who have loved and lost? What about people like me?

Not in a million years did I ever think that I, Rose Hathaway would be one of those people to have loved and lost love. I was a Damphir. I was a Royal Guardian. I was born and raised to protect my charge at all costs. They came first. My feelings, my heart, they didn't matter.

Yet here I sat in the dorm room I shared with Lissa while she completes her degree, lonely and miserable. What made each day, each night so much harder and me more miserable was the fact that the man that I had loved, that I was still very much in love with was only across the courtyard in another dorm room with Christian. I saw him every day and everyday my heart splintered that little bit more.

I feel a tear slip from my eye as I relive that moment in the church when the man that I loved broke my heart. I'd only just got him back. All I wanted him to do was hold me and me hold onto him and never let go. Instead he'd uttered four words that had shattered me.

"Love fades…mine has."

I'd moved heaven and earth to save him, to bring him back. I couldn't let him go if there was a chance I could have him back. But he'd rejected me. He didn't want me anymore. At first I was pissed. I was so angry. I couldn't stand to be near him. All I wanted to do was rip him limb from limb. But now I hated seeing him for the opposite reason. I needed him; I loved him with every stubborn fibre of my body and I wanted to be in his arms. I wanted to be the reason he laughed again and bring that god damn sexy as hell smile to his face.

The sound of the bathroom door opening brought me out of reverie and I hastily wiped away the betraying tears.

"Rose?" Lissa's voice was soft and full of sympathy.

She'd watched me for months now, hugged me as I couldn't hold back the tears that fell in torrents after waking from a beautiful dream or reliving a memory of when the man that I loved had loved me back. The night he'd made love to me in the cabin in the woods, the way he'd touched me, held me; it was a recurring dream yet like a nightmare, my heart and mind torturing me.

"Whoa there Princess," I began throwing all of the Rose Hathaway bravado I could into my voice as I took in her appearance, "you go out looking like that and I'm going to have to protect each and every male from Sparky."

She laughed and did spin for dramatic effect. "You like?"

"Something tells me I'll be twiddling my thumbs fairly soon while you and Sparky do the dirty, because if that's your goal Lis-" I smirked before it dawned on me. "Wait. Isn't that my dress?"

She looked away sheepishly. "I look stupid don't I? I can't pull this off I-" her hands going to the extremely short hem of my dress.

Another memory hit me. This was the dress I'd got for the Equinox dance. I smile as I remember the journey back to the Academy.

"Did you see the dress?"

"I saw the dress."

"Did you like the dress?"

He didn't answer. I took that as a yes.

"Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?"

When he spoke, I could barely hear him.

"You'll endanger the school."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just taken it, I should have asked you, I-" she rambled and made to head back into the bathroom.

"Whoa, whoa," I said jumping up, "quit with the rambling girl. It's a dress. Dresses are supposed to be worn. Wear the dress."

The look in her eyes told me she was ecstatic, yet there was also something sneaky there, like she was up to something.

"Liss, what are you up to?" my voice a mixture of curiosity, concern, slight annoyance.

She moved towards me and took my hands in hers all but bouncing up and down.

"Please come tonight. You don't have to get dressed up or anything, but please, please come with us," her voice pleading.

I looked at her like she'd grown another head.

"Ah, Princess Vasilisa Dragomir, need I remind you that wherever you go, I go too…ah already."

She rolled her eyes at me to which I rolled mine back.

"Oh Rose, I meant really come along with us, not just stand against the wall and watch for danger. Sit with us. Have fun with us," she all but pleaded.

"Liss," I sighed. "I can't, what if-"

"Oh what if nothing Rose," she laughed. "We are going to a bar, a bar that we've visited countless times before. Plus didn't Eddie offer to give you the night off?"

He had. I'd declined of course not wanting to wade in my sorrows alone in a dorm room. If I was guarding Lissa then at least I was distracted enough to not feel.

"He won't be there," she said softly, so softly I barely heard her.

"What?" I asked even though I had heard her and knew who she meant.

"Christian gave him the night off. Seth is filling in," she answered equally as soft.

As hard as I tried to hide it, I knew she saw how much it hurt me to see him every day and those moments when we had to speak to one another about our protection plans were torture and awkward. We both wanted to say things but couldn't find the words. He didn't want me anymore in that way; he'd made that abundantly clear.

"Please, please, please! Please come! Please, please, please, ple-"

"Okay, okay!" I answered just to shut her up.

In seconds I was engulfed in a bear hug as she jumped up and down going on and on about how excited she was.

"Oh boy…" I said to no one in particular.

-OoO-

The bar, which was on campus and only a 5 minute walk from our dorm, was crowded but we managed to score a table roughly in the middle. We'd been there for just over an hour watching other patrons make fools of themselves up on stage - it was karaoke night – when the sound of someone calling my name pulled me from my thoughts.

"Rose Hathaway, is there a Rose Hathaway in the house?"

I looked up in the direction of the voice only to find it was the MC up on stage, but why on earth would he be calling my name, I didn't –"

I spun towards Lissa who was looking incredibly guilty.

"You put my name on the list! What the hell Liss?!" I whispered frantically and annoyed as hell.

"Rose you have a fantastic voice, it's amazing. I miss hearing it, please!" she whispered just as frantically although there was nervousness behind it. I glanced around the room where my eyes fell on Eddie who was talking on his phone. I'd be having words with him later.

"Come on Hathaway, entertain me," smirked Christian from beside Lissa.

I simply glared at him and he at least had the decency to look scared but turned away to laugh.

I returned my death stare to Lissa as the MC called my name again. I saw her begin to raise her hand but even I wasn't quick enough to stop her.

"She's here, right here!" she called out and seconds later I was very much aware that I was now the focus of the spotlight. I couldn't hide.

I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath before standing slowly and leaning down to whisper menacingly in Lissa's ear. I could feel fear and nervousness radiating off of her in waves.

"I swear Princess, one day I may just kill you myself...maybe even the second I get off this stage."

And with that I stood and made my way begrudgingly towards the stage. If this was how she wanted to play it then payback was a bitch. I had no idea what I was going to sing until I neared closer to the stage where my eyes fell upon a couple clearly in love.

Love.

My heart instantly ached and I suddenly knew which song I would sing and get back at Lissa at the same time. It would hurt, I had no doubt I would cry, but I didn't care. She could deal with the aftermath as her punishment.

I stepped up onto the stage and informed the MC of my request before hesitantly taking the microphone from his outstretched hand.

I turned towards the audience but kept my head down as the music started. I could feel eyes on me, a strange yet somewhat familiar feeling washing over me but I dismissed it. My heart hurt already, the tears threatening to spill.

Then I began.

I remember thinking 'bout forever
Sitting there with you by the river
We danced in the headlights
And fell for the first time

I remember telling you I loved you
The Northern star rising above you
And in that moment I thought every dream would come true
Oh, but some just never do

Love comes in circles
And love takes its own time
Bending and breaking,
Not taking a straight line
I never knew another love timeless and true
Oh, but I did, yeah, I did with you.
Oh, I did, I did with you.

Through the years I just kept on believing
Had to be a plan or a reason
But Heaven was silent and life just kept moving along
'Til my heart knew the moment was gone

Love comes in circles
And love takes its own time
Bending and breaking,
Not taking a straight line
I never knew another love timeless and true
Oh, but I did, yeah, I did with you

Love is the reason why
Miracles never die
They just live on and on
Like a song, like a song
In the hearts of the ones you leave behind

Ooh, yeah

Tears were pouring down my face by the time I was finished but I didn't even attempt to wipe them away. My chest hurt like hell. There were claps from the audience but I couldn't bring myself to look at them or even acknowledge them. Just one song and felt drained. I had chosen this song because it told our story so perfectly and because I knew it wold bring the tears and I wanted Lissa to feel bad about what she had done. She knew full well that singing wasn't something I enjoyed anymore. It opened up too many emotions.

It was time to leave. I just wanted to be alone and cry this out in private. I wouldn't even touch base with Lissa and Christian - they had Eddie and Seth.

Something in the air shifted. Something about it felt so familiar, it was the same feeling that had washed over me just before I started to sing. I hadn't felt it in so long; it was a presence and it calmed me. It was how my world felt when…but no, it couldn't be.

I slowly opened my eyes and the sight before me took my breath away. My heart fluttered. I watched with tears still streaming down my face as the man I had loved, the man I still loved so desperately slowly made his way up the stairs towards me, his eyes glistening. I sat glued to the stool as he moved closer, my tear filled eyes never leaving his. As we stared at one another, every part of our relationship replayed in my mind's eye. I remembered how strong and invincible he'd been when we first met, when he'd come to bring Lissa and I back to the folds of Moroi society. I remembered the gentleness of his touch when he'd bandaged my bloodied and battered hands. I remembered him carrying me in his arms after Victor's daughter Natalie had attacked me. Most of all, I remembered the night we'd been together in the cabin, just before the Strigoi had taken him. A year. We'd known each other only a year but we'd lived a lifetime in it.

He was realising this too, I could see it in his eyes. The man I knew and loved, these were his eyes, so full of tenderness, concern, passion, pride but there was something else that had me on the verge of full blown sobs. I saw love.

I threw myself into his arms, arms that felt like home, and I cried, really cried as I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face clutching at his shirt desperately, a silent plea not to let me go.

He lifted me effortlessly and I wrapped my legs around his waist not giving a care in the world how it looked. Holding me tight he walked us off the stage while soothing me in Russian; something that had always worked.

What seemed like hours later, I woke up in my bed under the covers feeling emotionally exhausted. Had I dreamt it all? But it had felt so real.

I let out a sob as I pulled my pillow closer hugging it to me.

"Roza?"

Great, now my mind was playing tricks on me.

"It felt so real…" I said to no one, well so I thought.

I became aware of someone stroking my hair. That felt very real. I opened my eyes to come face to face with Dimitri. I blinked a few times when I noticed a ghost of a smile spread across his face.

"You're not dreaming Roza, open your eyes for me," he soothed gently, my heart warming at just the sound of his voice.

As I blinked, the fog cleared and I discovered that the Dimitri kneeling beside my bed was very much alive and human and here in my room.

I sat up slowly and swung my legs around so that they touched the floor while Dimitri moved to kneel in front of me.

He reached for me and those hands, hands that could be so deadly and lethal, gently caressed my face, his calloused fingers slowly tucking stray tendrils of hair back behind my ears. He tipped my chin up so that our eyes met once more, mine still full of tears.

"Lissa told me how hard you fought to save me, to bring me back when you found a way. She told me how you never gave up," his emotion filled yet soothing voice reaching my heart. "But when I was restored I had so much guilt. I had no room in my heart for anything else except that. I especially felt guilty about you – what I'd done –the things I did to you, the way I treated you…I don't think I can ever truly forgive myself for that and so I pushed you away. I put up a wall to keep you safe and it worked for a while until my heart started accepting other emotions. And it all came back. Everything I felt for you. Roza it had never left; it was just hidden from me until I was ready. And then in the alley…that was the turning point. I looked at you…I looked at you and I saw your goodness, your hope, and your faith. Those are what make you beautiful. So, so beautiful," he whispered as he gently caught and wiped away the fresh tears that were trickling.

"So it wasn't my hair," I said quietly, unsure how I was even capable of making a joke at a time like this.

"No," he said gently, a small smile on his face. "Your hair was beautiful too. All of you. Roza you were amazing when we first met. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met, and I'm glad to have had that love for you in my life. I regret losing it. I wish I could go back and change history. To run into your arms after Lissa brought me back, to have a life with you. But it was too late, it might still be, but I've accepted that."

He stroked my hair once more as I noticed his face grow pensive.

"Dimitri…why…why was it too late?"

"I thought if I stayed away from you, then maybe it would be my punishment for all of the horrible and unforgiveable things I'd done but then I couldn't deny my feelings for you anymore…but there was Adrian…you told me you loved him…it was too late and I don't deserve you anyway…"

I was on my feet, my hand on my heart. I was frustrated, annoyed and thrilled all at once. There was now a short distance between us.

"Don't deserve me!? You should have told me," I cried. "You should have told me this a long time ago. Being away from you…I can't do it. I can't be without you! You should have told me!"

"It wouldn't have made any difference. Not with Adrian involved," he said.

"But I don't belong to him, I never did," I replied almost pleading with him.

"But you were with him," said Dimitri a sense of sadness clear in his voice.

I shook my head from side to side.

"But I was meant for you…I love you Dimitri, I've never stopped loving you."

I noticed his breath caught when I said I love you.

And that did it. The walls crumbled and everything we'd be holding back came rushing out. I was encircled in his arms in seconds and our lips met. This kiss held everything we'd both been desperately holding onto. Every nerve in my body lit up and I felt that same desire returned in him. We needed each other, emotionally and physically.

"Dimitri…please…" I whispered my voice loaded with emotion and desire.

He pulled back, my face cradled in his hands as he looked into my eyes. His eyes mirrored my own, full of desire and love, but I could also see he was having some sort of internal battle with himself; he still hadn't fully forgiven himself. I had.

I reached up and touched my hand to his chest, resting right above his heart, my eyes never leaving his.

"Please…please love me…show me…I want to lose myself in you...it's only ever been you," I said softly hoping he would understand my meaning. "Please Dimitri…make love to me," the last part barely coming out more than a whisper but it held everything I felt.

"Roza…" and his lips were on mine.

My senses were on overload, every part of my body was on fire. He guided me back towards the bed until I hit it, unable to go any further. His lips slowly trailed their way down my neck, my skin on fire, as his hands found the hem of my shirt and he slowly pulled back to look me in the eye as he torturously slowly pulled it up and over my head. What I saw made my heart begin to piece itself back together, shattered fragment by shattered fragment. It wasn't long before our clothes were discarded on my bedroom floor and we were losing ourselves in one another. I hadn't been with anyone since that night in the cabin where Dimitri had been my first. It had been amazing in every way that it should be and that I imagined it would be. But tonight felt different. What I felt for Dimitri was stronger and I wasn't as nervous. I looked up into the eyes of the man I had loved, the man I had lost, the man I had by some miracle brought back from the grasps of evil and couldn't help the tear that slipped from the corner of my eye as he looked back.

"I'm so sorry my Roza," he said softly wiping the lone tear away. "I'm so so sorry."

I couldn't help the little smile that swept across my face. "Happy tears, Dimitri, happy tears…just…just promise me, promise me you'll always be there, that there will be an us when I wake up in the morning…this isn't just you taking pity on the girl who just poured her heart out on stage or a one night-"

I'm silenced by a searing kiss. "I'm not going anywhere, I made that mistake once and it's one of my biggest regrets. I hurt you and I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you'll let me Roza."

More pieces of my shattered heart began to heal, his words warm and full of honesty and love.

I smiled as I reached up and caressed his face. "Then love me Comrade, I'm all and only yours," I whispered.

And with those words I felt him position himself and slowly, his eyes never leaving mine, he slid inside of me. I couldn't help the slight wince that came from my lips, I mean this was only my second time and Dimitri wasn't exactly on the small side, rather the opposite. I saw the flash of worry cross his features and I knew straight away what he was thinking.

"I'm okay, I promise," I assured him intertwining two of our hands together. "Just adjusting," I whispered.

He moved again and this time the pleasure outweighed the discomfort. I moaned as he slid back out, almost completely out, before pushing deeper than he had before. The feeling was incredible and I couldn't help but throw my head back onto the pillow and arch my back as he simultaneously attacked my neck and tortured me with his slow, deep and deliberate thrusts.

The sound of my ecstasy filled the room as Dimitri continued his slow sexual torture on my body. It wasn't long before I was meeting him thrust for thrust, my name falling from Dimitri's lips. He shifted so his weight was partially on me, holding me down the rest supported by his elbow as his right hands swept down and gently bent my leg at the knee, pushing it up towards my chest.

"Oh god," I cried out as this new angle allowed Dimitri to thrust even deeper inside of me, sending my body into an overload of pleasure. I could feel his smile against my neck, no doubt remembering all of the times I had referred to him as a god when we first met.

He continued moving slowly at first, easing himself in and out; it was pleasurable torture. My insides coiled deliciously as we met thrust for thrust, each thrust hitting that sweet spot that was very quickly bringing me undone. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to find my release.

"More…Dimitri…harder…please," I all but begged.

Once again my body clenched as he said something in Russian. I tried to make a mental note to ask him later what he said, to translate if you will.

I matched his rhythm, my nails clawing at his back as my body started to climb higher and higher.

I felt his lips at my ear as he whispered something else in Russian. That's all it took. Three hard, deep thrusts and I exploded around him all but screaming his name. Through the haze and absolute pleasure I was experiencing, I heard him call out my name, felt him thrust harder before stilling as he emptied himself inside of me.

I was still panting, trying to slow my breathing, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. As I finally come back to earth after that body shattering orgasm, I opened my eyes to find Dimitri had his forehead pressed again mine, his eyes closed, his breathing as equally ragged as my own. After a few moments his eyes flickered open and he was gazing down at me, his eyes dark yet soft. I was revelling in the fact that he was still inside of me. He leant down and kissed me. It was a kiss that was soft yet full of passion and love.

He slowly pulled himself away and I knew that he was worried he was squashing me. But really it was the opposite.

"No, please," I said although it came out a little too frantic. I smiled as I reached up and pushed the hair that had fallen across his eyes out of the way. "Don't…not yet…"

I could see it in his eyes; he understood what I was trying to say. He took the hand I had used to tuck his hair behind his ear and placed it around his neck before finding my free hand, grasping it in own before gently tugging me upwards towards him. Just as I had almost reached him he somehow managed to flip us, me now on top, and him still very much inside of me. I pushed myself up just enough so that I could see his face.

He released his hold on me before mirroring my actions just before, gently tucking my hair behind my ear before caressing my cheek.

"You're the most amazing woman I've ever met Roza," he said softly, his voice sounding as sexy as hell with his Russian accent. "For someone so young, you've been through so much and I…I'm in awe of how strong you are. Always putting everyone else before yourself, throwing yourself in front of danger without hesitation even when you should think things through," a full blown sexy as hell Dimitri smile plastered across his face.

"Hey, I think things through," I replied trying my hardest to sound serious. "I just do it rather quickly."

He laughs. Oh that laugh.

I remembered one of our very early training sessions not long after he had found Lissa and me and had brought us back to the Academy; I'd tried in vain to launch a surprise attack on him but I'd ended up pinned to the gym floor with Dimitri hovering over me. It was the first time I'd really seen him smile, heard him laugh.

"I like your laugh, singular not plural, it's the first time I've heard it," I smiled hoping he'd get my reference.

I was rewarded with a megawatt smile before he attempted to be all serious but couldn't keep the smirk off of his face.

"So ah…got any other moves you wanna show me?" his thick Russian accent making my words from that day sound so funny causing me to throw my head back in laughter.

I shrieked as I was flipped onto my back and Dimitri was hovering above me. I could feel him hardening inside of me again.

"Or maybe you've got some moves you wanna show me Comrade," I whispered as I pushed up towards him and rotated my hips a little, the resulting sensations making us both moan.

We spent the rest of the night losing ourselves in one another, the heights of pleasure Dimitri brought me to both exquisite and exhausting but in an oh so good way.

My heart almost shattered instantly when I woke in the morning only to find myself alone.

He'd promised me…and last night…he'd…

My ears picked up at the sound of water running. It was coming from the bathroom.

Please let it be…

I wrapped myself in the tangled sheets from my bed and made my way to the bathroom, hesitating briefly before quietly opening the door. I stepped in my body relaxing instantly when I saw his clothes from last night on the floor. I closed the door as quietly as I could but then found I couldn't move. Even after the events of last night, I had no idea if I should even be in here. I sat nervously on the closed lid of the toilet, still wrapped only in my sheet as I began an internal war with myself.

I stood up and made to leave when his voice stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

My head snapped up to find one incredibly hot and sexy as hell dripping wet Russian god looking at me with a look in his eyes that had an immediate effect between my legs.

"I um…I wasn't sure if you…where you were…if you even wanted-"

"Hathaway!" my name came from his lips with an authoritative tone that took me back to our time at the Academy when he was my mentor and attempting to keep me under control. This time though there was an underlining amused tone as well. "You forgot my first lesson…"

I stared at him, my brain going a million miles an hour as I tried to recall his first lesson. My eyes met his and all I saw was desire.

"Don't…don't hesitate…" I answered shakily before finishing confidently.

"Hmm…and I'm still waiting…always late," was his only response as he lifted one eyebrow.

I couldn't help but bite my lip as I stood slowly and dropped the sheet. I liked this playful side of Dimitri.

"I'm sorry Guardian Belikov…it won't happen again," I answered as seriously as I could while trying to sound seductive at the same time, moving slowly towards him.

What feels like hours later, I'm clinging to Dimitri for dear life as my body comes back down to earth from another shattering orgasm. I'm still pinned to the shower wall, my legs wrapped tightly around Dimitri's waist as he supports my weight.

"That," I swallowed, "that was…something else…that we will be repeating frequently."

I'm rewarded with another laugh.

"We will be doing this again right? I mean, now that you've recovered from your unnecessary months of twisted honourable self-inflicted punishment and all that and well…last night was just…wow…"

He kissed me fiercely.

"Oh yes Roza, we'll be doing this again… a lot," he smirked.

"Thank god because sex with you has just become my new addiction," I said seriously as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

-OoO-

Later that morning we were back on guardian duty as we followed Lissa and Christian to their classes. I couldn't help the pang of jealousy that crept over me as I watched Christian kiss Lissa goodbye. I glanced over at Dimitri, his guardian mask firmly in place. Couldn't he relax just this once?

I put my head down for a moment and told myself to suck it up.

"Rose? Are you coming?" called Lissa happily as Christian turned to leave.

"You betcha Princ-"

I was cut off mid-sentence by strong arms spinning me around and lips crashing to mine. The kiss was full of passion.

I could feel him smile against my lips as the sound of Christian and Lissa cheering behind me filled my ears.

We broke apart when the need for air could no longer be ignored. I was addicted to this man.

"Will I see you later?" I asked breathlessly.

"Try and keep me away," he joked kissing me again.

"Okay, okay lovebirds, some of us have classes to get to," interrupted Christian grabbing Dimitri by the arm and attempting to drag him away. "Let's move it along Belikov, we're late…if you're a good guardian today and get me out of pairing with Wagstaff, I might even ditch my last class I know you just love…"

"Try to stay out of trouble today," he called out to me as he tried to sound serious but failed miserably.

I knew he was referring to my run in with Lissa's history lecturer. He'd started it, I simply finished it.

I smirked and called out over my shoulder as Lissa and I began walking to class. "Now really, what would be the fun in that?"

I'd never been happier. Maybe it is true; true love that is. It's miraculous and Dimitri was my miracle.

THE END…

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