Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: Starts after the end of Heart of Gold, more explanations at the end. Sorry this took so long to get out, I never have a gap like this, but I've been rewriting and reworking this story like crazy because after the finale I just couldn't do what I had originally planned. Which was keep this cannon. I was waiting, desperately, for a cannon reference to them sleeping together, cause it seriously just had to have happened. Since it didn't, well, screw that, I'll now decide for myself when and how. I want to keep this story T rated, as I know some readers aren't into smut, yet I really feel like writing some, so look for "Here With Me," the "continuation" of this story sometime next week. Set your filters to M. In the meantime, please enjoy the end of this story. Reviews are appreciated as always.

You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

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"You'll never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."

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Chapter 8:

"We have to keep looking!" Emma insisted, flashlight cutting through the darkness as she turned it in every direction, looking for a glimpse of something, anything.

"We'll never find him tonight, Emma, and we won't be of use to anyone exhausted." Snow offered softly, flinching at the hard look Emma sent her way but standing firm. "You've been up for more than 30 hours!"

"Are you sure you want to find him?" Emma snapped.

"Love." Killian's voice was soft as he moved in front of her, "We can stumble around in the darkness trying to find him, or we can rest for a few hours and start again at sunrise, when we have a chance of succeeding."

"But..."

Killian took her hand, thumb caressing over her wrist. "It's like Neverland, Emma. We know every moment we delay could make the situation worse, but if we're not rested our own strength will fail when we need it most."

"But if Gold finds him first..."

"For all we know he already has." Killian whispered what no one else wanted to voice. "If so, stumbling around in the dark becomes even more pointless. We'll find him, love, we'll fix this as we always do. But even the savior needs sleep."

She opened her mouth to protest again, even knowing he was right, but he said her name softly and she let the protest die without being voiced. She saw the understanding in his eyes, the knowledge that sleep would not come easily this night if it came at all. He knew what it was to use a goal to distract yourself from everything else, knew how she focused on what she could deal with when the emotional turmoil was too much.

Don't you know, Emma? It's you.

They hadn't been alone since that moment, not with time to actually talk about anything other than the current crisis. Well, aside from her reassuring him about August before the damn sleeping spell.

But it wasn't just his revelation, the one that made her feel warm inside beyond the slight tendril of panic, that she had been using this crisis to avoid thinking about, it was the one from her parents as well. The one that had shattered her trust in them, the one that had made her question everything.

She'd been grateful when Killian found her at the docks earlier in the night, breaking the downward spiral her thoughts had been on and giving her something to do.

She knew he was right, they'd been searching for hours now without even a hint of finding the damn author, and she could feel the exhaustion of the past overly long day down to her very bones. But she knew her mind wouldn't allow her to sleep, and she couldn't face going back to the loft with her parents, who would want to talk more, and try to justify what they had done. At the moment Emma just knew she couldn't deal with that.

Still looking into Killian's understanding eyes, knowing he was right but wouldn't push -would stay out here all night with her if she only asked- she squeezed his hand even as she turned her head just enough to make it clear she was addressing her parents, "We'll meet at sunrise, at the last place we're sure we had the trail."

"Emma..."

"Don't." Emma snapped at her father, feeling the exhaustion that was so much more than just physical creeping through her. "Just don't." Her voice was soft the second time, but even more final. And without releasing Killian's hand she started to backtrack towards town, grateful when her parents didn't follow.

"What do you need right now?" Killian had let the silence hold until they reached the edge of the woods, his heart aching for her and the pain her parents had caused. His heart screamed at him to comfort her, to do whatever he could to ease her pain, and for once he wasn't entirely sure the best way to do that.

"I need to find the author before Gold does and deal with whatever he has planned."

"We will, love." Killian said softly, "But you know that's not my meaning."

"I need my parents to not have done what they did." Emma whispered, tilting her head to rest it briefly on his shoulder even as they continued to walk slowly back towards town.

"Everyone makes mis..."

"Don't." Emma whispered, her hand squeezing his. "I can't... I can't talk about it yet. I know you want me to, I know..."

"I want to help." Killian interrupted her softly, tugging on her hand until she stopped walking and turned to face him. "You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready, Emma, you know that. But I know... I know how hard it is for you to trust, and I can't help but worry that it's not just your parents you're rebuilding your walls against."

Emma held his eyes, seeing for the first time the fear underneath the concern and sympathetic pain. He was hurting because she was, but she wasn't letting him help her, and she knew him well enough to know that hurt more than anything. "No, Killian, no." She soothed. "I just, I just need to get it straight in my head before I can talk about it and there hasn't been time. I'm not... I'm not pushing you away, and I'm not running, I just..." Emma trailed off as she saw a deep flash of hurt go through his eyes, but it was gone in an instant. "What..."

"It's nothing." Killian said at once, doing his best to bottle his own insecurities, knowing they were the last thing she needed at the moment. She shivered as the wind picked up, and he used the distraction to tuck her against his side as he started moving them towards town again. "Let's get out of the cold."

"Killian, what's wrong."

"As you pointed out earlier, many things are wrong at the moment." Killian said softly, not lying but taking the easy way out.

Emma recognized the evasion tactic at once, after all, she was a master at it. Yet she let it be for now, knowing she needed to be patient the way he always was with her. Although she couldn't help but whisper, fairly certain but needing to be sure, "Just tell me one thing, is this still about August?"

"No, Swan." He answered at once, sincerity clear in his tone. "You told me he's only your friend, and I trust that. I'd never begrudge you a friend, especially one you thought to not see again."

They walked in silence after that, both brooding privately, arms still around each other but thoughts miles away.

"Where are we going?" Emma asked abruptly. She'd been so zoned out she'd just been walking along with him, and only now noticed that he had veered in the direction of the docks rather than Granny's.

Killian chuckled softly. "Not everything that has happened in the past day is bad." He pointed, watching her eyes widen in shock. Even from here, the mast of the Jolly was distinctive.

"How..."

"Ursula." Killian said, a small smile crossing his face. "I've not had a chance to tell you what transpired between us, either long ago or this past day."

"Well, it's not like I'm actually going to be able to sleep."

"We can go to Granny's if you'd rather, it would be more comfortable. I just... I assumed you wouldn't want to go home with your parents, and..." Killian began hesitantly.

"No." Emma cut him off softly. "You gave her up for me, and I doubt you've had more than an hour with her since you got her back. You're the one who helped me find my home, Killian, I'm glad you got yours back."

"She was my home for more years than I care to count, and I'm glad indeed to have her back." Killian said softly as they paused at the foot of the gangplank, and he turned her gently to face him. "But I never regretted the trade, love, you know that. I'd do the exact same thing again."

"I know." She whispered. He'd said it before, and every time there was the ring of truth in the words.

They boarded the Jolly then, and she saw him smile as his boots hit the deck, but he didn't look around, nor did he caress the railing as she'd seen him do in the past. Instead he turned and offered her a hand down. "Welcome aboard, love."

Emma smiled as she took his hand.

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"And now you've heard the worst of what I've done."

"If you hadn't done it, who knows how many more shipwrecks they would have caused." Emma offered neutrally, the first thought that popped into her head even as she tried to digest the long story he had just told her. It sounded wrong even as she said it, especially as Ursula hadn't been to blame, but it really was the first thought she had that was clear enough to articulate. "And if you hadn't kept it, well, angry sea gods and pirates are a bad match."

Killian shook his head, rising from where they'd been sitting side by side on his narrow bunk to pace the room. "You bloody well know that wasn't why I did it, Swan."

"I know." She whispered, dropping her head unto her knees for an instant as she tried to clear her thoughts. At the moment he'd done it, he'd been thinking only of the man... god... even after all she'd accepted over the past years the idea of a god just didn't compute... he'd been thinking only of the man who had just taken away the best shot at getting his revenge he had ever had. He'd wanted only to hurt the man who had hurt him, and after what Ursula had told him of her mother and how singing meant so much to them, it had been obvious how to hurt him the most. Well, short of killing Ursula outright, and she knew that even at that point in his life Killian wouldn't have considered that.

"She was completely innocent." Killian whispered. "She did everything she could to help me, and I did mean to help her, I truly did..."

"And she knew that." Emma replied. "It would have been easier for you to take the first deal with her father, but you defied him to help her. Once he caught you there wasn't anything you could have done."

"I could have just let her go with him." Killian answered. He'd stopped pacing and turned to face her, regret and pain burning in his eyes.

"She still wouldn't have been happy." Emma answered rationally.

"But she would have had a chance at it." He retorted. "They would have had a chance to work things out. I'll admit in retrospect I was glad she couldn't sink any more ships, but maybe she could have defied him. The lass had such spirit and strength, she would have tried again to flee. Maybe been successful. When a woman is that determined to escape, when she's so miserable that she would do anything to find her happiness..."

"She finds a way." Emma answered, knowing he was thinking of more than just Urusla. She had seen the guilt he still harbored over his part of Neal losing his mother, had comforted him over it, and had in fact told him basically the last sentence he'd just said to her, although she'd been speaking of Milah.

"Aye." He held his hand out hesitantly, and she rose at once to take it. "I should have just let her go."

"You should have." Emma agreed, knowing it was simple fact. But things were never simple. "I know how it feels to take away someone's happiness. I know I didn't do it on purpose..." She said rapidly when she saw him about to object, "But I'm still responsible. And I almost did it again." She briefly explained to him about what she and her parents had been willing to do to Elsa's sister's necklace, even knowing she would never find her sister or her happiness without it. And she again saw the objections forming in his eyes. "Again, fine, not exactly the same, but Killian... you're not that person anymore. You made a rash decision in the heat of the moment, and you regretted it. You did everything you could to fix it. And you did."

"It doesn't excuse the original act."

"It makes up for it, though." Emma whispered. "That's all we can do when we make a mistake, is try to fix it. Some mistakes are harder to fix than others..." She heard the anger coming into her voice, and deliberately kept her thoughts from derailing. This was about him, not her current issues with her parents. And the situation was completely different. "But you fixed it. And you got to apologize to Ariel as well. You're a good person, Killian, and everything you do now shows it."

She saw the flash of wonder in his eyes before they fell to the floor and he released her hand to scratch at his ear. She reached up and caught his hand, and the abruptness of the movement brought his startled eyes back to her own.

Emma knew the guilt would take time to go away, but the worst of it vanished from his eyes as she saw him accept, at least partially, what she had said. "You're going to have to learn to take a compliment about something other than your looks." She whispered, holding his eyes, hoping the slight teasing at the end would level them out.

He saw the truth in her eyes, her belief that he really was a good person. And every time he saw it, it was a little easier to believe. He allowed the regret and pain to fade to the background of his thoughts, already noticing that they had lessened. He took the moment and gave her his cockiest grin. "I encourage compliments about myself as a captain. Or as a man."

Emma took a deep breath as the whole mood suddenly shifted. And she truly let it sink in that they were alone on his ship, no nosy parents or werewolf ears in the next room. There were hours before anyone expected them anywhere, and she couldn't think of a single place in any world that she would rather be. She wanted him, and she was ready to trust in that. And in him.

He must have seen the heat in her eyes, for she felt his arms slide around her waist and slid her own up his chest. "Well, I've seen full proof of the first..." She whispered as she leaned closer to him. The heat in his eyes was making it hard for her to think further. She sighed his name as her fingers brushed his cheek. "Why don't you show me the second?"

Emma could feel the fingers on her hip clench, and then he was kissing her as if their lives depended on it. She melted into him, hands weaving into his hair as she felt his fingers slide under the back of her shirt, teasing up and down her spine.

The kiss started deep and hard, a contrast to the gentle fingers sending shivers up her spine, and then his left arm was around her waist, lifting her just enough to spin them and press her back against the wall. She felt the fire flash through her body as he stepped into her, pinning her to the wall from chest to hips as his leg slipped between hers. And then his hand was on the back of her neck, tilting her head to deepen the kiss further, their tongues sliding together even as his hand began a pattern of squeezing and releasing her nape that made her knees start to shake.

There was no panic, no fear, just the scent and heat of him wrapping her around her, making her feel safer and happier than she had ever been in her life. He would never abandon her, never betray her, and her heart and her head were both finally in agreement about trusting him with everything. Her last thought before her mind was wiped clean with desire was that while she really had appreciated him letting her take the lead all the time, this was how she wanted him. At least the first time.

"Gods, I want you." He husked as he finally broke the kiss, trying to pull himself back, knowing they had discussed maybe not waiting until the end of the hours they had set aside, but at the same time not wanting to push her. The past twenty-four hours had been just as emotionally and physically draining as the last time they had been this close, and while he didn't have the feeling of wrongness now that he had then, they'd been waiting for the ten hours to pass for so long now that it didn't seem right to suddenly not wait. "How many hours until dawn?"

"Less than four." She whispered, following his train of thought. They had four of her ten hours of truth or silence left, but... "But I don't think that matters anymore."

"Emma, I know we talked about it, but..."

"I think it's time to stop talking." She rose on her tiptoes, breathing the words into his ear before trailing light kisses down his neck.

Again he was the one to pull back. "You're sure this isn't about anything but us?"

"Just us." Emma whispered, taking his hand to lead him back to his bed. "You know I appreciate how patient you've been with me, and I don't just mean about... uh..."

"Making love?" His voice was a low chuckle, but he resisted her attempt at moving them, keeping her pinned lightly against the wall, his fingers coming up to play with her hair.

Emma blushed, ducking her head down to rest on his shoulder. She'd been going to say about having sex, but had stopped herself because they both knew it would be more than that. But for some reason she'd been hesitant to say the words that flowed so easily from his lips, even though he'd used them once before and they both knew the truth of them. "It's just, most guys wouldn't..."

"You know better than to compare me to others." He whispered. "Most haven't lived over a century alone. Or had a year to ponder what could have been, if only they'd had more time. Every day spent with you is precious, love, no matter what we are, or aren't, doing."

The complete openness in his voice made her pull back enough to look up into his eyes again. "You told me before you didn't push because you were afraid I'd run, but I know it's more than that. You really care about my happiness, and you knew I needed time. I really didn't think you could do it, you know? I mean, you're all inuendos and suggestive comments, and the way you look at me sometimes, the way you kiss me, hold me... But you're not lying. When you say you're content with the pace. When you say our relationship makes you happy, even though we haven't gone all the way. It's the truth."

"Sex is a fine thing, making love even more so, but there's so much more." He murmured, fingers sliding down her side to lace their fingers together. "The slide of your fingers though mine, or your arms around me in comfort. Knowing I can touch your hair, or your cheek. Your warmth against me when we talk of everything and nothing. Knowing how to make you laugh when you need to, and how to sooth you when you're sad. Knowing I can kiss you whenever I desire. Seeing in your eyes that you care for me, and being allowed to see the parts of you that are hidden from others. Dozens of other things large and small. Things I've not had since Milah, and in some ways craved more than sex though I never thought to have them again."

"We have them now." She whispered, squeezing his hand before releasing it and raising her hands to the buttons of his waistcoat. "We can have everything now."

"You're sure, love?" He breathed even as his hand slid up her side until his thumb brushed the underside of her breast.

"There's nothing but us tonight." Emma smiled, feeling the heat course through her body at the desire swirling in his eyes. "No bad memories of the past, no worries about the future. I want to let it all go, just for a few hours. There's so much out of my control right now, and I don't know what will happen at dawn, but I just, I just want a few hours to think of nothing but us. I don't want to wait anymore, Killian, I just want to be with you."

Killian's hand slid back down her side as his eyes heated further, and then his hand and hook were on her ass and pulling her against him, proving just how much he wanted her in return. "As you wish." He whispered before lowering his head to kiss her.

THE END

(And remember everyone, he's seen Princess Bride with her in this story, and knows exactly what that means...)

AN2: So between the end of Poor Unfortunate Soul, all through Best Laid Plans and Heart of Gold, there is absolutely no place for a CS scene. BLP clearly happens the same night as PUS, as Killian is just telling them about Gold's plan to turn Emma dark, and I doubt he delayed with that knowledge. BLP then ends with them releasing the author, and HoG starts immediately and is also clearly the same day. Then comes Sympathy for the De Vil, which also seems to be the same freaking day by the way they come into the apartment at the start of it, but it also seems to have gone from night to day. I'd totally buy that they were out searching all night, but that seems silly as they really have no idea where to look and at this point it's been a very long day for them. And there really just needed to be more places for CS scenes. So this was it.

I really hope everyone enjoyed this story!