So, this one-shot has actually been finished for quite some time. I wasn't really sure I was going to post it, truthfully, but I was recently informed in no uncertain terms that it would be a crime not to. (Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating for the sake of my ego, but that was the gist of it.) So here it is. I have to warn you in case you didn't see this in the description, it involves character death. Rather, the entire plot is based off of character death. So if that bothers you, I recommend not reading this. You will probably be happier that way.

But if you like that kind of thing, by all means, read away! Another warning: you might cry. Just saying. (Another ego boost – bragging about my ability to make people cry with my writing.) I did, rereading it just now. But I don't know, there may be something wrong with me. Chronic crying disorder. Who knows, it might be a thing.

Okay, before we get into my (possibly) imaginary syndromes, I will stop writing this mostly pointless intro. Enjoy!

Natsu Dragneel walked silently through the empty field, his feet crunching in the frosted-over dead grass. He exhaled and watched his breath pool in the early-morning air before him. He pushed his hands into his coat pockets and hunched his shoulders. The quiet was unnerving to someone who was always around other people, but he had asked his friends to leave him alone for today. He didn't want them to see him broken into bitter pieces ever again. He had rejected even Happy's offer to come with him. He needed to be alone.

He stopped at the end of the field, where two willow trees bent towards each other, branches weeping eternally over a simple stone marker. Natsu sat cross-legged on the hard, frozen ground and placed the bouquet he had been carrying tenderly at the foot of the grave. It was the only offering, but he knew the spot wouldn't be bare for long. They'd all be coming by later, to cry and reminisce and comfort each other. Natsu wouldn't be with them. He didn't want to handle that.

"It's been five years," he said softly to the empty air. God, it didn't feel like years. It seemed like it had only been days, but time had passed and before he knew it, the anniversary had come and gone every year. Even though he could still see her smile and smell her hair and hear her laughter and feel her skin, it had been five years since the day she left them all behind. Natsu bowed his head and closed his eyes, concentrating fiercely. Dammit, it hadn't even been five minutes. He wasn't going to crack before he'd been there for at least ten. "Lucy, you idiot," he whispered, choking on his own voice. "Why'd you have to go and run off on your own like that? I would have protected you."

A sharp December wind blew towards Natsu from past the grave, and he caught a whiff of cinnamon and vanilla. Unable to help himself, his head snapped up to find himself facing... Nothing. Nothing but a lonely grave and two leafless willow trees swaying gently. Just as his head lowered back to his original position, a hint of gold appeared out of the corner of his eye.

She faded in slowly, first her hair, then her eyes, then her mouth and skin and clothes. She looked the same as that day – the last day Natsu had ever seen her alive. His breath lodged somewhere in his esophagus and he couldn't breathe, and all he could think was Lucy, you came back.

It was a day in December just like this one, Natsu remembered dimly. She wanted so badly to go on that mission...

"Lucy!" he shouted, running up to where she and Levy sat, engrossed in some book. "I got the coolest job! We're gonna–"

"Natsu, shh," she scolded, not looking up. "We're busy." He pouted, not used to being shut out, and leaned over the table, trying to see what they were reading. It was incomprehensible to him.

"Whatcha doing, Luce?" he asked, sliding into the seat next to her. She glanced at him and smiled.

"It's an ancient text some old geezer wants translated. He's paying tons of jewel for it, so Levy and I took the job. We're gonna split the money." Her smile widened into a grin. "Your birthday's coming up soon, right? I'll buy you something cool." He grinned back.

"Awesome!"

She and Levy left that morning, headed for the place the old man lived. It was less than half a day away, in an obscure forest somewhere to the west. Natsu waited all day, but they didn't get back that day. By the next morning, he was practically burning a hole in the floor of the guild. He paced back and forth anxiously, berating himself for not going with them.

Just as Natsu was preparing to go out and look for them himself, Levy came back. Her hair was crusted with blood and her clothes looked like someone had dipped them in thick red paint. She was panting and kept tilting sideways like she was going to faint. She collapsed in the guild doorway, sobbing and clutching something bigger than herself. Gajeel practically threw himself on her, so he was the first to see what it was. She wouldn't let go of it, kept wailing that someone had to help, someone had to save her, something was wrong with her. She wasn't talking about herself.

Natsu was close behind Gajeel, and he nearly killed someone right there and then.

Lucy was nearly unrecognizable, what with all the blood and teeth marks. Something had torn chunks out of her body and her fingers were a bloody mess, like she had been clawing at something so hard her nails tore off. Her lips were whiter than her skin, and blood streaked her cheeks like tears. The worst part, though, was her eyes.

Looking into her eyes that day, Natsu couldn't remember what they had looked like when she was alive.

They were open and staring, an awful cloudy brown that made Natsu sick. She looked like a broken doll someone had tortured for fun and thrown away when they got bored. She didn't seem to be human anymore.

No matter how hard Natsu looked, he couldn't see 'Lucy'. His Lucy, the one that made him stronger just by walking into the room. He couldn't find her in that pale imitation. She had vanished somewhere, leaving behind her hollow shell, the puppet her soul had brought to life.

In the background, he could hear Levy screaming with sorrow, hear Gajeel's rough voice attempting to comfort her, Erza's strangled breathing, Wendy's quiet sobs, Gray's roars of fury, but it wasn't reaching him. At some point, a barrier had been erected around him that separated him from the rest of the world and blocked the emotions of his family from connecting to his own. He crouched there, cradling Lucy's lifeless body in his arms and rocking back and forth. For some reason, his mind conjured up a far-away memory of Lucy singing a song for him once after he had gotten sick from eating etherion and couldn't sleep. He couldn't remember the words, just the tune and the sound of her voice, nudging him gently into the realm of dreams.

Later, when Levy had recovered, she explained shakily what happened. She and Lucy had shown up at the old man's house, which had turned out to be a crumbling, forgotten castle from a long-collapsed kingdom. Looking for the old man, they had seen signs of a monster, but figured it was what had done in the castle and its original rulers and kept going. They ended up in the main room on the ground floor, where they found evidence of a recent meal. They tried calling around to no avail, and were about to give up when the old man showed up out of nowhere. They had been uneasy, but agreed to eat with him and talk about the translation before receiving their pay and leaving.

Levy said the rest was fuzzy. Someone said something strange... The old man transformed into a monster... Lucy was screaming for her to run... She shook her head, biting her lip, and said she couldn't remember any more. The next thing she could recall was stumbling back into Magnolia, dragging Lucy.

Natsu had been hollow for days afterward. He couldn't sleep, because all he saw was Lucy's broken eyes staring at him, asking him why he hadn't saved her. He took to wandering in the woods bordering Magnolia. The night after he heard Levy's story, he found the monster's lair and killed it. He burned the carcass until even the ashes had charred and crumbled away to nothing. When he showed up at the guild again, he was covered in blood and soot and smelled like smoke. Erza and Gray took turns watching him to make sure he didn't do something insane.

And then Levy asked him to talk to her alone for a while. He sat awkwardly next to her hospital bed, staring at the floor in silence.

"I'm sorry, Natsu," Levy whispered, her voice cracking on his name. "I took Lu-chan away from you." He looked up at her, startled.

"No, you–"

"I did," she sobbed. "I was the one who wanted to go on that job so badly. I begged her to help me, because I didn't think I could do it alone. I got her killed." He leaned forward and gripped one of Levy's trembling hands tightly.

"No," he said firmly, "You didn't." She blinked at him, and he looked determinedly back at her. "You didn't take her away, and you didn't get her killed." He paused to push down on the emotions trying to rip a hole in his chest. "I should have been there, Levy. I could have protected her. I could have saved you both, and I wasn't there." His voice gained intensity even as his fingers loosened on Levy's. He didn't seem to notice. "I wasn't there. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I should have been there..." It became hard to breathe, and he gasped for air, laying his head on the bedspread. "God dammit. How could I lose her like that? She was right in front of me, and I let her run off. And now she's gone, and..." His vision blurred, and he stopped talking, burying his face in the blanket.

"I know," Levy whispered, patting his hair gently. They cried together, for the girl they had loved with all their hearts.

After that, he stopped disappearing. He came to the guild every day and talked to his friends. He didn't smile for a long time, but slowly, his mouth remembered how, and then how to laugh and tease and say real things. He visited Lucy's grave often, but always alone. He didn't like being with other people when he was there. He went on missions with Gray and Erza and sometimes went to see their friends at Blue Pegasus and Lamia Scale and Sabertooth.

But Lucy wasn't there anymore, and there was a hole in his heart where her smile had once resided.

He reached out and traced the cold stone letters carved into the headstone. Lucy Heartfilia. Fairy Tail Guild, Celestial Wizard. Beloved daughter, teammate, family member. Her smile lit up the world. Below that, someone from the guild had carved, We love you, Lucy.

"It's been really cold lately," Natsu said abruptly, looking up at Lucy's phantom sitting on her grave. She smiled. "Gray said something about how it was gonna snow today. I don't know how he can tell. I think he's just showing off, but Wendy says she can sense it in the air too." He blinked, hard. "I went on a mission the other day with Erza. We went back to that theater, with the really weird old guy running it, remember? He asked about you." He paused, trying to get a handle on the rising sadness in his throat. "It's been five years, Luce." Natsu inhaled and exhaled, slowly. "Five years since I've seen your face. Thinking about that feels wrong. Where the hell have you been? You're missing it, Luce. Five years of your life have already gone by, and you're missing it." He covered his eyes with his hands and bent over his crossed legs, biting his lip until he tasted blood. "Why'd you have to go and leave me like that? I should have been there to save you. I should have been there."

Natsu took a deep, shuddering breath and looked at Lucy perched on her grave. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, Luce. All our friends are still here, and I'm glad, but... I need you." He scrubbed a hand across his face. "You... There's this– this gap where you used to be, and now I don't know what's supposed to go there. There's nothing that's the right shape to fill it. You were too different, and there's nothing left that's anything like you." Natsu dug his fingers into his scalp and tugged on his hair. "Ah, dammit, I have no idea what I'm saying. Lucy, you gotta come back before I lose my mind. I'm such a... Such a..." He couldn't manage to form the words to finish his sentence. Tears filled his vision and he hid his face in the crook of his elbow and sobbed until there was nothing left. The blue winter sky opened its mouth and accepted his sorrow gently, whispering comfort in his ear. Gradually, his tears came to an end. He wiped his face with his sleeve and inhaled deeply, letting the air back out slowly. "I'm such an idiot," he muttered to himself.

"Yeah, you are."

He couldn't believe his own ears.

She giggled. "Idiot, what are you spacing out for? I'm over here, you know." It seemed like it took Natsu's gaze years to travel from the rocky dirt up the gravestone, past her long legs, along the slim curve of her shoulder, to her soft brown eyes.

"Luce...?" he choked, reaching out to touch her hand. She rippled and distorted around his fingertips, like an illusion. "Luce, is that you?" She waved and smiled sadly at her old friend.

"It's been a long time, Natsu."

"But... You've never..." This time she was the one to reach for him, but again she passed right through him like smoke. Sorrow darkened her eyes, but her smile only widened.

"Sorry for dying, Natsu. It wasn't part of the plan." Before he knew what he was doing, he was on his feet.

"Not 'part of the plan'? Don't give me that bullshit, Lucy! What the hell do you mean, sorry? You're sorry? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" She didn't blink. Her smile faded, and she regarded him with huge brown eyes that whispered her loneliness.

"I didn't mean to leave you behind like that. I wish I could be there with all of you." The tension left Natsu's shoulders in a rush and he slumped to the ground. "It wasn't your fault, you know."

"Don't be stupid. If I had been there–"

"If, Natsu. If you had been there, you would have saved me. That's true. But it's not your fault that you weren't there. I didn't ask you to come, because I figured you'd get bored and destroy something. You didn't say you wanted to, because you didn't know it was going to be dangerous. Neither did I. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't Levy's." He ground his teeth. Even in death, Lucy was impossible to argue with.

"I'm so sorry," Natsu whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't save you." She cocked her head and smiled at him.

"Didn't I just say it wasn't your fault?" When he didn't reply, she sighed. "Natsu." He glanced up at her. All traces of her fake smiles were gone, and she looked impossibly small and broken in that second. "Will you tell me about what's been happening? I want to hear about it." She pulled her legs up to her chest and tucked her knees under her chin.

"Yeah." They sat in silence for a moment, and then he said, "Erza moved into your apartment. She refuses to let anyone touch the stuff on your desk and had Freed put an enchantment around it so no one can get in." Lucy sighed softly.

"Would you tell her to give my manuscript to Levy? I promised her she could read it." Natsu nodded and plowed on.

"Gray still strips completely at least once a day. Juvia attacked him one time though, so now he's more careful about where he does it." He paused to listen to Lucy's laugh, and then continued. "Elfman's been making me take 'man' lessons twice a week. We lift rocks and talk about our feelings. Sometimes Ever turns him into a statue when he starts crying really loud. Wendy's a crazy good healer by now, and she's made all sorts of weird spells of her own. Her Troia spell got stronger too, so I can ride trains again.

"Happy finally proposed to Carla last year. She said yes. They're supposed to get married in the spring. Lily found some female cat wandering around Magnolia that he has a thing for, but he says he's only interested because she's a fighter or something. Gajeel hasn't stopped following Levy around since..." He hesitated.

"Since I died," Lucy filled in gently. He nodded and moved on.

"Mira says they're dating, but it doesn't really look like it to me. Oh, speaking of Mira, she's been acting weird lately. Cana said she's avoiding Laxus. Dunno why. But Laxus's been showing up a lot these days, so it seems pretty tough." He screwed up his face, trying to think of more news. "Alzack and Bisca had another kid, a boy. I think they named him Callahan or something weird like that. Asca likes having someone to play with. And..." He was running out of people to talk about. "Gildarts finally showed his face a few years ago, and Gramps beat him up. Now he comes by at least once a month, which makes Cana happy. She's been drinking less since then, but she was drinking twice as much as normal for a while after..." He swallowed. "After you died." Lucy smiled encouragingly at him.

"What about people from other guilds? How's Saber doing?"

"Sting and Rogue and I have run into each other on missions a couple times. Sting's the master, and it sounds like it's going pretty well." Natsu scratched his head, wondering who Lucy would want to hear about. "Oh, Mira says Yukino's doing really well. Loke comes to visit sometimes and he told me that the spirits are enjoying their contracts with her." His brow furrowed briefly, trying to decide whether or not to include the other part of what Loke had said.

"Oh," Lucy said quietly. "That's good. I'm glad." She looked relieved and lonely at the same time, and Natsu had to remind himself that his hand would just go right through her.

"But he said that it's not the same. They all miss you a lot. It's kinda depressing, actually." Her eyes lifted from her lap and she smiled at him.

"Thanks for telling me, Natsu. I've missed all of them...so much..." Lucy gasped as tears started rolling down her cheeks. She tried to wipe them away, but there were too many. "I don't know why I'm crying... I was so glad you could see me. I shouldn't be crying..."

"What do you mean, you were glad I could see you?" Natsu frowned, confused.

"Because... Every year, I watch you all come here, but you never see me... I was so happy when you finally noticed me," she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. "So I shouldn't be crying... But hearing about everything that's been happening, I feel so lonely, Natsu. I want to be there with you, living our lives together! You were right, I'm missing it, and it's not fair..." Natsu was lost for words. What could he say when that was all he was thinking, too? He couldn't even touch her to comfort her.

"You were here...every time?" he whispered finally. "Every time I came here, you were here?" She nodded.

"I tried to get your attention, make you see me, but... It never worked. You couldn't see me."

"I wanted to see you so bad, Luce," he said, so softly it was almost lost in the wind. "You were all I could think about. Everything's wrong when you're gone, and it's lonely without you. I don't have anyone to bug for food and I can't go sleep in your bed anymore because Erza would kill me. Gray won't even fight me because he's busy being moody, but I don't even want to fight him! I don't get what the hell is wrong with me!" He folded in on himself, pressing his face into his leg. "I miss you," he whispered.

"I miss being able to eat pancakes," Lucy blurted out, her voice wavering. "I miss writing so late into the night that I would be awake to see the sunrise, and I miss the the indent I would get in my ring finger when I wrote for a long time. I miss laughing with Gray and talking with Erza and beating up Happy for being stupid and drinking with Cana and barrel-surfing and listening to the master's speeches and kicking you out of my bed and coming home to find you poking through my stuff and eating my food." She was talking so fast, it was hard to distinguish one word from the next. Huge tears slid down her cheeks and nose and blurred her voice. "I miss going on jobs with you and climbing snowy mountains in a miniskirt and being saved by you!" She choked on a sob, her shoulders shaking. She wrapped her arms around herself as if to keep from falling into pieces. "I miss– I miss being– I miss being alive, Na-Natsu!" she hiccuped, taking a shuddering breath. "I miss it so much!"

Natsu lunged for her, unable to take it anymore. For a split second, he almost thought he would be able to hold her, comfort her. He wanted to feel Lucy's warmth again. He wanted to be able to laugh and say, 'See? You are alive, Luce!' All he needed was a minute to wrap her in his arms, and he knew everything would be better. It was all he needed.

But then he went right through her, tumbling into the withered grass on the other side of the grave. Natsu slammed his fist into the frozen ground, clenching his jaw against a rush of curses. He couldn't do anything. He hated the feeling of being helpless so much it ached, sending a hollow echo through the pit under his ribs.

"Natsu, it's okay," Lucy said, still sitting on her gravestone, her back to him. Her voice had steadied. "It's okay now."

"It's not okay! How is it okay, Luce?" His teeth ground together. "Of course it isn't–"

"It is. I understand now." The peace in her voice scared him. She sounded so relaxed, when only a moment ago she had been bawling and crying rivers. But it was more than that. Natsu didn't want her to leave him in the dark alone. He couldn't be the only one left who hadn't come to terms with losing Lucy. He didn't want to be alone in that place. "I understand now, Natsu," she repeated calmly, turning to smile at him. "All these years, I've been holding on so tightly to fragments of the past that I couldn't see what's ahead."

"Stop, Lucy. Stop it," he whispered. "Why are you talking like you're leaving again?" She reached out to caress his cheek and this time, for the barest moment, her cool fingertips brushed his skin. He stared at her, wide-eyed. Her expression softened into a sad half-smile, the kind Mira used to wear sometimes when someone mentioned Lisanna, before she came back from Edolas.

"Because I am, Natsu. It's time for me to go."

He gasped. It felt like he'd been roundhouse-kicked in the chest. There wasn't enough air. "But–"

"I've been clinging to my memories for five years, and it's time to move on. I don't know what's coming next, but I know that it's time to go find out. I've already wasted too much time being afraid."

"Lucy, please," Natsu choked out, reaching out towards her. The edges of her figure were shimmering and turning fuzzy. He was losing her. She was slipping between his fingers and disappearing before his eyes. "I'm begging you, just stay. I can't lose you twice. Please." Lucy only smiled.

"I know you'll be fine without me, Natsu. You've kept going for five years, haven't you? Don't forget that what really matters about life is living it." Her hand was translucent now, turning gray as the stone beneath it became visible.

"I can't do it without you, Lucy. Don't leave." She leapt lightly off the gravestone and knelt in front of him, her face so close he should have been able to feel her breath. There was nothing, only cold air.

"You said it yourself, Natsu. I'm missing it. Whatever life is waiting out there, I'm missing it. There's a hole there that needs to be filled, and I'm the missing piece. It's time for me to go." Her hair was fading too, her hair and shoulders disappearing with it. The watery winter sunlight glittered in her brown eyes. They were so alive, so bright, Natsu couldn't understand why she wasn't solid and whole in front of him. He couldn't understand how she could be dead if her eyes were so beautiful.

"Please, Luce," he begged one last time, knowing deep down that it was useless. She was leaving him again, and once again he was powerless to stop it. "Please don't go."

She bent her lips to his ear and breathed, "Goodbye, Natsu. I hope next time I meet someone I can love as much as I love you."

Natsu's fingers clawed through the air as she vanished completely, leaving behind only a echoing whisper.

I love you.

He didn't roar.

He didn't set the field on fire.

He didn't move. Couldn't, actually. He didn't have the strength left.

Natsu simply sat frozen in the grass, staring at the snow falling in delicate flakes from the heavens.

Slowly, his lips formed the words he had never been able to say. The words he hadn't known, until that moment, existed. He released them into the air in a rush of misty breath and fell back on the grass to watch the snow drift down, gradually burying everything and erasing his pain. The white blanket gave the world a fresh start, and it was time for his.

The words he had let go floated into the sky, chasing Lucy into the distance. She smiled when she heard them.

I love you too, Lucy.

"I know," she mumbled, cupping a hand over her mouth. "I know you do."

"Come on, hurry up!" the dark-haired girl shouted, already at the end of the field. "You're so slow!"

"I'm coming," the man laughed, sliding his hands into his pockets. The green-haired woman next to him sighed and glanced at him.

"I'm sorry, Asca gets so excited sometimes..."

"Don't worry about it, Bisca," Natsu said with a smile. "I'm sure Lucy's excited to see her too."

The group of adults followed the children to the grave, where Asca and her group of misfits had started singing a drinking song. Some of the adults laughed and joined in, knowing that Lucy would have thought it was funny. Natsu didn't sing, just smiled and laid the bouquet of flowers on the bare grave. "Hey, Luce," he said softly. "How've you been?" The others placed their offerings beside his – her favorite foods, books, even her lucky pen that Erza had found in a hidden drawer in Lucy's desk. Natsu sat cross-legged while Mira lit a few sticks of incense and closed her eyes. The children quieted, recalling their purpose that winter afternoon.

"Lucy," Makarov began, bent nearly double and leaning heavily on his stick. Mira kept saying he needed a wheelchair, but he always refused. "Another year has passed. It's been ten years since we lost you, and there isn't a day that we don't think about you. We hope you're happy, wherever you are." He took Erza's hand, and she spoke next.

"Lucy, we miss you and love you. Your apartment is doing well." She linked hands with Gray. He lifted one of his twin daughters with one hand and sat her on his shoulders to keep her from running off.

"Lucy, you changed our lives for good, and there isn't a day we forget that. Marina and Luna have been saying they want to be Celestial wizards like you." He grabbed Mira's hand. She sniffed.

"Lucy, you were beautiful, inside and out, and someone who will be forever remembered. Laxus and I are getting married in the fall." She put her hand in Laxus's and beamed tearfully at him.

The cycle continued as hands connected and fingers twined and memories were shared. It had become a tradition, ever since Natsu had declared that they should tell Lucy what was going on in their lives, because she would want to know.

"Lucy, I miss the way your laugh sounded," Happy sniffled, wiping a tear from his eye with his free paw. "I set a record for the most fish that could fit in a mouth at one time yesterday." He extended his paw without looking to the person next to him.

"Lucy, you were a true man," Elfman sobbed loudly. "I discovered a new beast form a few months ago." His big hand slid into Juvia's small one, and she squeezed it kindly.

"Lucy, you were the best Love Rival Juvia could ask for. Juvia has been reading your novel, and she thinks it is excellent." She reached for the closest hand, which happened to be Asca's. The children had never participated before, but Asca smiled happily.

"Lucy-nee-chan, I don't remember that much about you because I was little, but I remember how warm and kind you were. I'm going on my first solo job tomorrow." She clasped hands with Marina, Juvia and Gray's daughter.

"Um..." the little girl began uncertainly. "Lucy-nee-chan, I've heard stories about you every day and I think you are my hero. I learned how to ride a bike last month." She took Natsu's hand, and he smiled. Every time, Natsu was last to go. Always. That was tradition too.

"Lucy, I hope you can eat pancakes wherever you are. I hope you can see the sunrise there, and you still get that indent in your ring finger. I hope you have someone to laugh with and someone to talk to and someone to beat up and someone to drink with and barrels to surf on. I hope there's someone who makes speeches there and someone who sneaks into your bed and pokes through your stuff and eats your food." He paused to laugh. "I hope you have someone to go on jobs with and snowy mountains to climb in a miniskirt and someone to save you. I hope you're living a happy life." He closed his eyes. "I hope you found someone to love more than anything else in the world." He closed his eyes and sent his final wish silently, letting it blow away like snowflakes in the wind.

I hope you're not missing anything anymore.

Okay, so how was it? I'd love to hear your opinions, either through a review or a PM. Also remember to favorite and follow! (Just saying, there's a 0.001% chance I will write another chapter, so if you're going to follow something it would be better to follow my illustrious self.) I really love to – wait, I said that already. Oops. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry if you cried, but I think that's kind of an occupational hazard when reading character death fics. If you want something happier, you might want to check out my other fics (says the shameless self-advertiser). Thanks for reading!

Giselle