Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! (Uncut Version) Chapter 6: Chapture 5: For Whom the Hell Trolls?, a mario fanfic

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated N, for, "Nigga, getcho ass outta here if you a little, punk-ass kid or a butthurt, easily offended muthafucka, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit."

"Getting offended by a joke makes you part of it."

~ George Washington

"If a joke makes you choke then with good timing it was spoke!"

~ Abraham Lincoln

"If nigger is your trigger, try not to be so bitter. If kike is your hype, go back to the trike. If chink makes you sink, you need a drink. If faggot makes you nag it, then this room you shouldn't inhabit."

~ Some homeless guy who I'm pretty sure was high as fuck when saying this

Enjoy.

Super Mario and the

Thousand Year Drama!

(Uncut Version)

Chapture 5: For Whom the Hell Trolls?

Anticipation Music: Dragonball z American soundtrack - the saga continues by Bruce Faulconer

Last time! On Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! Mario and the rest of the Team M bastards left the Great Tree of Might after beating Robotnik and receiving the 2nd dedly star. Soon afterwards making it back to Ghettoport, they then received a new location to the next star on an artificial Babylon like Fighting Dojo named 'The Glory Hole' where it was being used as the ornament for the champion belt. They soon awaited the Dojo in the sky where Mario and his friends oddly enough began competing as strange fighters to win the Star of Greed. 1ce they worked up the ranks into the championship title, they found that the owner, Grubba had other plans in store for the tardtastic team as he had been using the real star as a method to power his ass up. Be it as it may, the Team successfully defeated Grubba and scavenged the 3rd Dedly Star. Read and find out what idiotic retarded adventures awaits for these goons this episode of SUPER MARIO! AND THE THOUSAND YEAR! DRAMA!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

Chapture 5 - 1: Compensation Disorder

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 22nd, 2004. It is 10:11 PM, partially cloudy and 69 Degrees F Room Temperature.]

[X-Naut Fortress]

The Shadow Sirens were summoned to Grodus' throne room yet again with X-Naut #666 huffing some wood cleaner or computer duster or some shit as part of the dumb ritual. Theoretically, I think it's only used to summon Beldam who brings the other 2 Sirens.

Beldam: Yes Sir Grodus?

Grodus: Beldam Beldam Beldam... Tell me, what good are you and your pathetic siblings? Why have you not wiped out Team M off the face of existence yet!?

Marilyn: GUH!

Marilyn was gnawing on her own arm like a bone.

Beldam: What do you mean what g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good am I? I'm the reason why you have any insight on the 1000 Year D-d-d-d-d-d-d-door in the 1st place assh-

Grodus: That's not what I am interested in, Beldam! Now I will ask you again. Why have you not eliminated Team M yet you pointy jew-nosed piece of vermin!?

Beldam: … We... haven't b-b-b-b-b-b-b-been able to track where Mario or his t-t-t-t-t-team have been since Boggly Woods. I've had to spend the bulk of today punishing my pathetic siblings! Especially Vivian!

Marilyn pulled out a bottle of drain cleaner and started drinking it think that it's soda.

Vivian was upset and shivering due to how emotionally bruising her punishment was being all chronically parallel to the Glitzville chapture and what not. That's how long it lasted.

Vivian: *Sniff sniff*

Beldam backhanded VIvian in the face for crying infront of Grodus.

Beldam: VIVIAN! WILL YOU STOP W-W-WEEPING MAKING US LOOK LAMER WITH YOUR STUPID TEARS!?

Vivian: But... you.. violently molested me all da-

Grodus impatiently zapped Vivian from his chair getting sick of her tearing up like a stupid emotionally damaged cunt. She was briefly passed out on the floor.

Beldam just snorted a line of cocaine on her arm increasing her stuttering issues only slightly.

Grodus: Beldam... I'm growing impatient. You need to learn how to control your property. If you want them to do what you say, make them fear you. Prove to them that you dominate. Prove you own them!

Beldam: I've BEEN doing that for the past m-m-m-m-m-m-millenium, but that's not enough ap-p-p-p-p-p-pperantly. She's an idiot who s-s-s-seems to need some sort of special treatment.

Marilyn was busy licking the urine stains off the walls of the throne room from the incident of the other chapture.

Grodus: In that case, would you prefer if I dispose of this 'him or her' thing to make matters easier for you?

Beldam: Give us 1 more chance. Vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vi-vian might be of some use for us this time. I have a plan that has an 100% chance of sheer su-su-su-su-su-su-success.

Grodus: Hmm... A plan you say?

Beldam: Yes. I've hired a team of X-Naut scientists under minimum wage to m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-manufacture a weapon that will make us 1000% stronger and more blood thirstier than ever before! I haven't quite sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-speculated whether Team M has found the Star of Greed just yet due to the location of that st-st-st-st-st-star being a bit vague in my memory. Luckily, the next star I b-b-b-believe should be the Star of Lust. Thankfully, I do have a slight c-c-c-c-c-c-cc-clue where that 1 might be, but I may need to spend some more time remembering a where it's located. I guarantee it will come back to me.

Grodus: Well then... When you find out where the Star is located, tell me. Unless you're absolutely sure if your plan is duable.

Beldam: I am ab-b-b-b-b-b-b-bsolutely positive sir.

Beldam then chewed up a crack rock to get really high disregarding the health of her teeth.

Grodus: Good... good... I'll leave this matter in your hands. But if your plan does in fact fail like last time, expect me to take the life of your youngest sibling to teach you PERMANENT lesson. VERSTANDEN!?

Beldam: Yes sir. LET'S AWAY PEASANTS! Marilyn! Stop chewing on Grodus' seat! And Vivian! Wake up you sleazy twat!

The electrified Shadow was slowly getting back up after being somewhat injured by Grodus' blast.

Vivian: Oww... Wh….where am I?

Baldam grabbed Vivian by the arm to lift her all the way up.

Beldam: WE'RE G-G-G-G-GOING WHORE!

Beldam teleported.

Marilyn: GUH!

Marilyn as well.

Vivian: ...

Vivian as well.

Grodus was left alone in his evil crib thinking aloud.

Grodus: Filthy invalid scum...*Sigh* I think I may need to power down for a little while so I can function better with all this stress. The very little humanity I have left in my system feels rather ran down.

As Grodus was sitting in his throne, he hooked himself to a machine on his chair that can send him in a temporary stand by mode where he can power down for the evening and wake up at 7:00 AM sharp.

[FLASHBACK/ DREAM MODE]

[Captain's log. Stardate: April 20th, 1889. It is 1:25 AM, cloudy and 57 Degrees F.]

[Germany]

Meanwhile in some hospital,

Imre Grodus (Age 33): COME ON! COME OOOOON! KEEP PUSHING! POOP THAT FUCKING BABY OUT OF YOUR STUPID CUNT ALREADY!

Unna Grodus(Age 26): AHHHHHHHH! FUCK YOU ASSHOLE FOR KNOCKING ME UP! I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL MY TAINT RIPPING AS WE SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!

Imre Grodus: SHUT UP! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU'RE MAKING ME TOO HORNY TO CONCENTRATE ON YELLING AT YOU!?

Unna Grodus: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

The Doctor (Age 36): IT'S OKAY! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE! YOU CAN DO IT! ALMOST! ALMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!

The baby suddenly popped out of it's mom's vadgelly successfully ripping open her taint referring to the space between her pussy and asshole now being ripped into 1 big painful bloody, gorey, shitty, fucking, fuckhole. I'm not joking. This actually does happen quite often after childbirth. THE MORE YOU KNOW!

Baby Grodus: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The Doctor: I hope what I'm about to do doesn't make me look like a pedophile.

The Doctor lifted up the baby by the foot and spanked it's ass upside down in a non sexual way.

Doctor: IT'S A... Hmmm... Gosh… Not sure what gender this baby is to be honest...

Imre Grodus: WHAT!? You are saying that our baby is born without genitals!?

The Doctor: It would seem like that... hmmm...

the Doctor began to gaze closely at the baby's crotch region trying to figure out what genitals the baby be born with and for possibly pent up unresolved sexual feeling as well for newborn infants.

The Doctor: Hmmm... Let me grab my magnifying glass...

The Doctor got his magnifying glass to inspect the baby genitals.

Imre Grodus: Please be a boy, please be a boy, come on, please! Just PLEASE BE A BOY!

Docter: ... Is that a...is that a….. tiny pimple? ...Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I think... I think I need my biggest microscope ever for this job...

The Doctor indeed grabbed his biggest microscope ever for this job.

Imre Grodus: SO!? Is it a boy or not!?

Doctor: Welp Imre... I have sad news for you... IT'S A BOY! ... With an incredibly and I mean INCREDIBLY FREAKISHLY small micro chode!

Imre Grodus: ...Heheheh…. Good 1 doc! ... But... It will grow, right?

Sad Music: Träume for violin by Richard Wagner

The Doctor: I'm.. afraid not... You see... This is not like any normal penis I have ever encountered. Meaning, it is infact the rare kind of micropenis that will stay this size... forever…*sniff*... He will have to live his life a virgin, meaning he will never repopulate, he will have to sit down to pee, he won't even be able to fucking masterbate not even with his left pinky finger. His penis is so quantitatively challenged, not even a mosquito can suck him off.

Imre Grodus: ... *sniff*... No...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! *pukes and cries on the floor in a fetal position*. SAY IT ISN'T SO DOCTER! SAY IT ISN'T SOOOoOooOoOoOoOOOOO!

Imre Grodus: It's… not fair…. IT'S NOT! HOW IS MY SON GONNA BE A FUCKING JOCK IF HE BARELY EVEN HAS A JOHNSON TO WAVE IN FRONT OF THE LADIES!? I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SAY "You're gonna have to fend of the ladies with a stick, champ" … BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE 1!

The Doctor placed the baby on a random table.

The Doctor: Your son also seems to hold the world record for smallest penis. It is so small, it cannot even be properly measured.

Imre Grodus: STOP MOCKING ME! I GET IT!

The Doctor: … May I suggest a 'post term abortion' by lethally dropping it off the rooftop?

Imre Grodus: ... Yes...I insist you do so for the good of humanity... *sniff*

The Doctor: Suit yourself... In the meantime, shall we stitch up your wife's...

They both looked at the wife on the birth chair who had been passed out from the birth and critical blood loss from her split opened taint and died.

Imre Grodus: …...My wife….. shes…. DED!

The pissed off man ripped off his shirt and started beating his chest like any gorilla character you can think of.

Imre Grodus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!?

Baby Grodus: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Imre Grodus grabbed his baby by the neck with both arms and nearly strangled him to deth like Homer Simpson.

Imre Grodus: YOU KILLED MY WIFE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!

The Doctor: If only your son didn't contain such a meager phallic region. We could have potentially saved her and not get so distracted.

Mr. Grodus dropped his baby on the ground as he became equipped with a sudden realization.

Imre Grodus: ... I change my mind... Let some1 else endure the pain of having the child with the world's smallest penis. Have him sent to a foster home. And make the new parents name the kid "Hackett." Because Hackett means "Little Woodsman" in German, and they will never understand that despite the fact that we're totally speaking German as we speak. Now get that cursed THING out of my sight!

[Captain's log. Stardate: September 12th, 1900. It is 12:05 PM, sunny and 78 Degrees F.]

Sad Music: Träume for violin by Richard Wagner

Meanwhile in elementary school recess, Hackett (Age 11) was busy being tied up to a flag pole. It's okay. This method of bullying wasn't considered cliche yet in the turn of the century.

Kid (Age 13): HACKETT'S PENIS IS SMALL-ALL NA NANANA NAAAA NA! HACKETT'S PENIS IS SMALL-ALL NA NANANA NAAAA NA! HACKETT'S PENIS IS SMALL-ALL NA NANANA NAAAA NA! HACKETT'S PENIS IS SMALL-ALL NA NANANA NAAAA NA!

Hackett: STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

Random Bully: HEY EVERY1! LETS BEAT HIM UP FOR HAVING A TINY LITTLE DING DONG!

The tied up the future tyrant remained stuck as the kids started punching him and whacking him with objects like bats, and animals, and bats with animals tied onto them. Oh yeah, and they whacked him with their dicks to symbolize political hierarchy at an elementary age.

[Captain's log. Stardate: January 18th, 1904. It is 7:06 PM, snowing and 14 Degrees F.]

Hackett's adoptive dad (Age 42) was coming home late after a hard day at work. He slammed the door opened with some upcoming outbursts.

Hackett's adoptive dad: Hackett! HACKETT!

Hackett walked over to him from the kitchen.

Hackett (Age 15): Yeah dad?

Hackett's adoptive dad: SON! GET YOUR ASS OVER HRRRR! Every *BURP* … Every1 at work is making fun of my for *BURP* having a smelly little dick! ANd I now I feel bad!

Hackett finished his 8th bottle of Heineken beer.

Hackett: You're…. drunk again aren't you dad?

Hackett's adoptive dad: NOT I'M NO! Now Shut up! Cuz I need feel better about miiself! Now take it... take off…. the... your pants! I don't care cause i'm incest! CAUSE YOU'RE ADOPTED!

Hackett: Oh come on dad…. I'm... embarrassed.

Hackett's adoptive dad: I NEED TO COMPARE PENIS SIZES WITH YOU SO I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY SCHLONG DONG! SHUT UP OR I'M BRINGIN OUT DA BELT! NOW DROP IT- *BURP* DROP YOUR PANTS OFF!

Hackett: *sigh*... Fine...

Hackett and his adoptive drunk ass father pulled down their pants simultaneously to see who would win.

Hackett's adoptive dad: HAZA! I WIN! I WIN!

Hackett's adoptive dad started doing a German folk dance where he fell down and broke his mom's flower vase.. and got back up as if nothing happened.

Hackett's adoptive dad: I win cuz you don't even have a penis! Wait...What the? Where's your penis!?

Hackett: It's-

Hackett's adoptive dad: WHERE DID IT GO SON!? WHERE DID IT GOOOOOOOO!?

Hackett's adoptive mom (Age 41) walked downstairs.

Hackett's adoptive mom: What's going on!?

Hackett's adoptive dad: I CAN'T FIND MY *BURP* ADOPTIVE SON'S PENIS!

Hackett's adoptive mom: WHAT!? OH MY GOD! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Hackett's adoptive mom puked on the floor realizing how small of a weiner her son has.

Sad Music: Träume for violin by Richard Wagner (Yes. I'm using this for the flashbacks cause this song actually made Hitler cry)

Hackett started crying as he was getting intensely hazed for his tiny schlong.

Hackett's adoptive mom: WAIT! I think see it! … Barely though! OH MY GOD! IS IT REALLY THAT SMALL!? HOW DO YOU GO FUCKING PEEPEE!?

Hackett: THE SAME WAY YOU DO MOM!

Hackett's adoptive mom: SILENCE! I'M NOT YOUR MOM! AND YOU'RE NOT MY SON! *Starts crying*

Hackett's adoptive dad: I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Hackett's adoptive dad puked on Hackett's adoptive mom.

Hackett's adoptive dad: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE HACKETT! TAKE YOUR SMALL DICK, AND GO FAR AWAY! AND NEVER COME BACK!

Hackett: BUT DAD! PLEASE!

Hackett's adoptive dad: DAT'S IT! I'M GETTING OUT DA BELT OUT!

Hackett's adoptive dad pulled out his belt and chased Hackett out while whipping his back with the metal part of the belt.

Hackett: I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!

Hackett ran off during a snowstorm.

Hackett's adoptive mom fell on her knees and continued weeping like a bitch over her adoptive son's phallic disfigurement..

Hackett's adoptive dad: It's,.. it's okay hunny... It's okay... He's gone...forever….. We'll never have to see him... or his FREAKISHLY SMALL COCK... every again... *BUUUUUUUUUUUUURP*! I needed to let that 1 out for awhile.

[Captain's log. Stardate: June 2nd, 1912. It is 3:15 PM, rainy and 68 Degrees F.]

Hackett (Age 23) was with his jewish wife about to get married in a Sinangag.

Priest (Age 57): You may now kiss the bride I guess.

Hackett and his wife Nina (Age 26) kissed declaring their marriage for all to see. This was long before facebook existed back when marriage was confirmed by partners kissing instead of clicking a couple buttons on a shitty website.

Meanwhile in the bedroom,

Nina: Alright Hackett... This is it… the moment we've been waiting for for about 4 years is coming! Are you excited?

Hackett: ...

Nina: What's wrong?

Hackett: ...

Nina: If there's something you're not telling me, you can say it. I'm your wife. I'll love you no manner what sweety.

Hackett: You... you... promise?

Nina: I Promise.

Hackett: *sigh* Alright... I'll come clean...You see... The reason why I've been so absonant... is because... ... ... ...

Nina: Please hunny... you can say it...

Hackett: ...You see... this isn't easy for me to say...I...penis...

Nina: Penis?

Hackett: Is... small...

Nina: What are you saying?

Hackett: ... I have a small penis, alright?

Nina: Oh... hahahha... HAHAHAHAHA...

Hackett started to blush in embarrassment.

Hackett: You're laughing at me, aren't you...

Nina: No silly! Come on... I'm sure it isn't THAT bad. Honestly, I think they have more flavor that way!

Hackett: You... really think so?

Nina: I know so.

Hackett: SWEET! You really are the perfect wife you know that!?

Hackett pulled down his pants getting ready to perform some maritals.

Nina: ...

Hackett: So? WHAT'YA THINK!?

Nina:...hmmm….. I guess you're not the man I thought you were...

Hackett: Uhh…. What?

Nina: You really expect us to lose our virginities together... with THAT!? You… You RUINED this marriage you asshole!

Sad Music: Träume for violin by Richard Wagner

Hackett: But... I thought you loved small penises!

Nina: BUT THAT'S TOO SMALL! I CAN'T EVEN SEE IT! YOUR BALLS MUST BE 2 GRAINS OF SAND! That's it! I want a divorce, NOW!

Hackett: But I thought you loved me!?

Nina: WELL MAYBE! I WAS WRONG! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU PHALLICALLY CHALLENGED BOARD!

Hackett: But I love you!

Nina pulled out a kitchen knife like a psychopath and pointed it at him.

Nina: GET OUT OF HERE OR I'M CALLING THE POLICE!

Hackett: HUNNY PLEASE!

Nina started swinging the knife at him as a fear tactic.

Nina: AND TAKE YOU RING BACK!

Nina threw her ring at Hackett.

Hackett: FINE! I'M LEAVING! ROT IN HELL BITCH!

[Captain's log. Stardate: October 24th, 1917. It is 11:49 AM, sunny and 62 Degrees F.]

At this point, Hackett (Age 28) was a soldier in WWI (World War 1 if you really don't get what it means when you see "WWI") and was in the showering room.

Soldier 1: AY HACKETT! YOUR AN AMAZING SOLDIER BRO!

Soldier 2: Your combat skills really saved our well tones straight man asses out there!

Soldier 3: Yeah! We may even win the war you're so goddamn talented!

Hackett: Wow. Thanks guys! We really are like family out there aren't we!? All for 1 and 1 for all right!?

Soldiers: YEAH!

Soldier 3 grabbed his crotch like Michael Jackson not knowing who he is cuz he ain't born yet.

Soldier 2: Alright! What do you say we manly badasses hit the showers! Our hot soldier bodies aren't gonna clean themselves right!?

Soldier 1: HEAH! LET'S GET NEKKID!

All but Hackett shamelessly pulled down their towels exposing their smooth well toned rock hard abs.

Soldier 3: Sayyyyy… why are you still wearing your towel Hackett?

Soldier 1: Yeah! WHAT ARE YOU, GAY OR SOMETHING!? GET NAKED WITH US!

Hackett: No thanks...

Soldier 2: Come on! We're all guys here, bro!

Soldier 1: Yeah! It's nothing we've never seen before, bro!

Soldier 3 had his arms behind him as he was seeing how many times he can perfectly twirl his penis around without any fuck ups. It ended up being 16 ½ times.

Hackett: I have a curse guys... Every1 who sees my penis automatically hates me!

Soldier 1: We would never even DREAM about hating the man who is going to win WWI for us! That's a bunch of bullshit bro! COME ON! Just take you towel off already so we can get clean!

Soldier 1 forcefully pulled off Hackett's towel unveiling his micro pecker.

All the soldiers: ... GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE KILL YOU!

Sad Music: Träume for violin by Richard Wagner (last times)

Hackett: THAT'S IT! I'M FED UP WITH THIS WORLD!

Hackett was kicked out of the army. Oh yeah, about a year later, the Germans lost World War 1. LOL!

[Captain's log. Stardate: June 28th, 1924. It is 11:49 AM, sunny and 62 Degrees F.]

Hackett (Age 35) was sneaking into a top secret military lab.

Hackett: THIS IS IT! I am finally gonna start a new life! A new vision, identity, a new original form of power the world has yet to see! Yeah…. This world has caused me so much pain! ALL BECAUSE OF MY FUCKING PENIS! So I'll show them… I'll show all of them. No more will I be beaten up, or neglected, or demonized for my disfigurement! I will now compensate harder than I ever have before in my life! Or any1's life for that manner!

Hackett pulled out an axe from who knows where.

Hackett: THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING, OF THE END OF MY RIDICULE!

Suddenly, Hackett brutally chopped off his left arm on the adrenalin of a lifetime of pent up rage. Blood was everywhere and it was painful as fuck, CUZ HE CHOPPED HIS OWN ARM OFF!

Even so, with only 1 arm, Hackett mechanized a robot arm that he manually wired and implanted into his nervous system replacing his human arm without any anesthesia.

Hackett: I CAN GET ADDICTED TO THIS!

Hackett with his new left arm, grabbed the axe again, and despite all blood sweat and semen, he hacked off his right arm, and did the same procedure of rebuilding a 2nd robot arm! Piece by piece, he continued to sebber off his own limbs 1st before replacing each part with a robotic limb. He even cut off his 16 bit dick, and replaced it with a 16 inched mecha cock. Soon, all that remained was his brain (That kind of rhymed). He kept his brain in a steel coated septic tank blocked by computerized hardware. Even his brain was hooked up with wires and machinery to enhance his skills and reflexes. This turned him into more of a relentless psychopath than he already is and will be.

Hackett: Yes... YES! I AM…... COMPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETE! I HAVE COMPENSATED HARDER THAN ANY MORTAL EVER COULD! From this day forward, I will take back my last name of birth, and call myself; SIR GRODUS!

Thunder struck despite it being bright and sunny according to the captain's log.

Sir. Grodus: Take that father! And now I will stretchingly butcher my 1st name you have given me, and turn it into an evil laugh. GACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK!

[END OF FLASHBACK/ DREAM MODE]

Chapture 5 - 2: The Fat Suit

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 12:02 AM, partially cloudy and 69 Degrees F Room Temperature.]

Peach was busy sitting on the toilet in her bathroom killing time by taking a shitty online quiz she found on facebook that confirms how old some1 really is.

Peach: WTF!? 3?!I GOT 3? Oh look! Then it says "TRY ACTING YOUR AGE"!? FUCK THIS! THIS IS BULLSHIT! I REPEAT, BULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!i!

Peach (Age 34) threw her expensive yet easily breakable Mushroom phone at the wall smashing it into 100 tiny pieces.

Peach: I WILL SUE, WHOEVER MADE THAT IMMATURE QUIZ! *panting* I'M NOT IMMATURE! I'M NOT! THEY ARE! THEY ARE!

Peach rolled off the toilet and started having a pathetic toddler like tantrum on the floor over the facebook quiz. She kicked and screamed, tore off the shower curtains, took a bite of her soap bar, smashed the mirror like in that Black Flag album cover, and just basically made a mess out of the entire bathroom. Sadly, there was no fecal matter involved for all you pervy little ding dongs out there this time.

Suddenly, the speakers in the Peach bathroom blasted TEC's voice.

TEC: PEACH! PEACH! FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM! I REPEAT, FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!

Peach: SHUT UP! CAN'T A BITCH HAVE A TANTRUM RIGHT NOW!?

Tec: PEACH! PEACH! FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM! I REPEAT FIND THE COMPUTER-

Peach: I KNOW WHERE TO FIND YOU, NOW SHUT UP OR I AM GOING TO UNPLUG YOU!

Peach was successfully able to walk to the TEC room due to the X-Nauts being too busy having a sexually obscure beauty pageant involving peanut butter and toothpicks.

Tec: Hola, Princess Peach.

Peach: Hola? The fuck does that mean?

Tec: Sorry. I recently received an update where I have to say hello in other languages to feel as though I'm educating the mass media.

Peach: Well stop it. It makes you sound dumb. Anyway, what it is this time? I was busy destroying my bathroom!

Tec: My earnest apologies Princess. Don't worry. I am not currently curious about horny. Instead, I want you to go to Sir Grodus' evil throne room and ask him about specific information that brought an...issue to my system. And it really makes me... Rrrrangry.

Peach: I'm sorry... You want MII to ask that mecha jerk off a question!? Like...ME just... walking into his throne room!? You do realize that he'll send henchmen to have me thrown in a rape tank right? You think my genitals can handle that!? Like, are you trying to give me a yeast infection!? HUH? HUH!? COME ON! ANSWER ME!

Peach stomped towards the computer, hopped on the keyboard, and started pounding on the screen doing little to no damage to it.

Tec: Don't you think you're jumping the gun a little?

Peach: I DON'T, LIKE, BEING, COOPED UP, IN A PRISON CELL, BY NEW, VILLAINS!

Tec: If you'll let me finish, you will understand that my plan won't get you sexually assaulted!

Peach: *Panting* fine... you win again bitch... I just don't see how your suppose to be "the best computer in the world" and NOT know whatever the fuck you're talking about.

Tec: Your mission, is to find the X-Naut's changing room. Take the elevator 2 floors up from here. Then find the changing room where you will find an X-Naut uniform and change into it. Since this suit will majically disguise you to look fat and short for some reason, you should visually appear as a passable X-Naut which will avoid any1 detecting you as Princess Peach. Finally, you will go see Sir Grodus disguised as an X-Naut.

Peach: What? Are you saying i'm FAT and SHORT!? HUH!? HUH!?

Tec: PEACH! ... please... just STOP! Stop misinterpreting me.

Peach: Yeah whatever... Does this place at least have a room number so I can find it faster?

Tec: Sadly no, you have to actually memorize where all the rooms are by heart.

Peach: But isn't that-

Tec: Idiotic and insufficient? Agreed. See look, we're already finishing each other's sentences like a-

Peach: Right... *sigh* ... Fine, I guess. Looks like i'm wearing a gross fat suit that probably reeks of rotten blue cheese... Well, are you going to tell me what you want me to go ask this Sir. Chodus?

Tec: I will tell you when you make it into the changing room. Also, I highly discourage you from referring to him as "Chodus" for that last person that did was terminated. He has a troubled past i'm not allowed to talk about.

Peach: Okay, but wouldn't it make more sense to tell me the question now?

Tec: No. Because the probability of you remembering the question is at a low 4% do to your incompetent attention span. If I tell you after putting the suit on, you should have at least an 80% chance of remembering.

Peach: Wow... fuck you too dude. What am I doing again?

Tec: … *sigh* Just... do your best remembering to remember shit...

Peach: Yeah yeah... I get it. SHUT UP!

Later after Peach figured out how the fuck to use the elevator even though Tec opened it for her leading into some stupid screaming match with her and the strange computer about getting in an opened elevator, she reached the 2nd floor upward! Yay for her! But seriously, some1 needs to donate some charity to help her dumb ass get by.

Peach: Alright cool. So I made it up. Now what do I do?

Tec: Look for the room with the green light above it. That will be the changing room you are looking for.

Peach: You mean you couldn't have told me that earlier?

Tec: Do I have to re-explain the probability of your memory again?

Peach: Thanks dad. What? Are you gonna haze me for smoking K2 now?

Tec: Just walk to the damn door.

Peach: Not if you're gonna be rude to me again!

Tec: *Sigh* Please... walk to the door.

Peach: Nuh uh! Now you have to say "pretty please!"

Tec: ... Pretty Please?

Peach: LoL! Okay, now say "pretty please with sugar, whipped cream, and a cherr-

Tec: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

Peach: Suit yourself asshole...

After Peach walked into the wrong direction like a dumbass who doesn't know where her class is on the 1st day of school, she successfully figured out where the fuck the door with the green light is. Meaning the changing room.

Tec: Please get butt ass naked here. Quickly. The X-Naut uniform is in the locker.

Peach: God I hate to term "butt ass naked." It makes me feel all weird about my butt.

Peach opened the locker room finding the crusty jizz coated X-Naut uniform that hasn't been used since Studio 54 was a big thing.

Peach: Eww! I was right! It DOES smell like blue cheese! ... Ehh... I don't know about this… Do you really want me to put this on?

Tec: Yes.

Peach: But... what if I get pregnant?

Tec: 0% probability due to fertile matter long exceeding its half life after a maximum of 2 days - to 5 minutes.

Peach: Fine.. If you're wrong, i am so gonna rape you Tec!

Peach stripped her clothes off while pretending to be a stripper for shits and giggles while doing it, and managed to put on the X-Naut uniform making her look like a convincing transgender- I MEAN... X-Naut!

Peach: I can hardly breath. Am I wearing this right?

Tec: Yes. Also, I recommend you make your voice sound like a raspy 50 year old smoker who lives in a strip club.

Peach: OH! I know what they sound like! Tee hee. So what now?

Tec: Go to Grodus' throne room. I will open the door and disturb his slumber for you.

Peach: That sounds like an idea that might get me killed...

Tec: If Grodus get's angry and looks like he's ready to kill you, just use this code to calm him down. This code is...

After Tec announced the code, Peach as you'd expect, suffered from more embarrassing confusion where she made finding Grodus' office more of an obstacle than it really should've been. Thankfully she did find it... right NOW.

The door opened disturbing more dry Grodus flashbacks of his shitty life.

Grodus: WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER!? I was just having a relaxing dream about my life story!

Peach: Uhh... Excuse me... uhhh... Grodus? Yeah, Grodus!

Grodus: You will address me as SIR. Grodus! Now speak! And so help me god, you better not give me a half assed update about nothing or so help me God! I will zap you into a FUCKING INFINITY LOOP!

The princess in cognito begin to panic and started talking to herself.

Peach: Uuuhhhhhhh,,,,.,.,..,,.,.,,...,... Oh... crap... Tec forgot to tell me the question... I am so fucked now...

Peach: I know!

Grodus: Wait... why don't you sound like you have barbed cock down your throat like the other henchmen!?

Peach: Oh whoopsies… I mean, whoops. I was just doing a Princess Peach impression. Since we have her captured and all. *Clears Throat* Is this better?

Grodus: Yes it is... But regardless... YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO TELL ME SOMETHING IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW!

Peach: Uhhh...

Grodus: 5, 4!

Peach: UUUHHH!

Grodus: 3!

Peach: WAIT!

Grodus: 2!

Peach: I remember the code now!

Grodus: 1!

Peach: I FUCKING HATE KIKES!

Grodus: ...

Peach: ...

Grodus: ...he...hehe...hehehe...HEHEHHEHEHEHEEE... GACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK ACK ACK ACK ACK AAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Peach: Oh phew...

Grodus: *panting* Oh man... That was a good 1 henchmen... Say, what's your hench number?

Peach: 274. ... 1/2

Grodus: 274 1/2! Thank you for giving me such an extravagant laugh I haven't experienced in ages. Alright... I'll let you take your time. What do you need?

Peach: Alright... uhhh... hmmm... I KNOW! Soooo...what do you plan to do with Princess Peach?

Grodus: Hmm… Good question. I know alot of you X-Nauts are hell bent on raping her, but I wanna keep her body absolutely perfect. Understood? Keep it fine, pure, clean, and untouched. Let all of our fellow henchmen know that I do not want any physical harm done to her. Especially Robotnik. He seems to be the most eccentric and perverted among every1 I've ever seen.

Peach: Eww... So... then, why…*clears throat* Why in the hell are we keeping her around?

Grodus: That information is not for you to know you impudent worm! All you're expected to do is either A: Kill Team M, and B: Collect the remaining 3 dedly stars. If it isn't obvious already, we need that treasure to rule the world! GACK ACK ACK ACK AAAACK!

thunder randomly sounded aloud as Grodus projected his evil laugh.

Peach: The world? Like... the whole world?

Grodus: Saaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Something's wrong with you... You're not being whacky or a perverted circus freak... But instead, you just question me...

Peach: ...

Peach pulled down the bottom part of her X-Naut uniform exposing her front butt and comedically queefed really loudly in front of Grodus.

Grodus: … Okay nevermind. You do seem like a normal X-Naut after all. Although none of them have a vadgelly per-say... Although at this rate, I shouldn't be too surprised. You probably cut off your genitals and just gave yourself an axe wound instead. I can be very understanding when it comes to... self mutilation with an axe. Alright, you can leave now.

Grodus: Oh. And just 1 more thing. You haven't happened to hear of any name mocking that of my own good name correct?

Peach: No. Why?

Grodus: Are you sure? Are you sure you haven't heard of any name affiliating mine with the term "Chode"?

Peach: No. I don't even get it. Is that some kind of joke or something?

Grodus: ... Okay... You pass. But if I find out that you're lying, I'll give you a deth so slow and painful, not even a kike joke will save your ass. VERSTANDEN!?

Peach: Yessiree.

Grodus: Alright. Now I gotta go back the fuck to sleep. SO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!

Peach: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Peach ran off and closed the door right before Grodus attempted to chuck a random bottle of jesus juice at her.

Meanwhile on the same floor,

X-Naut #24: God damnit 21! I can't believe you blatantly sharted yourself right before we got on stage!

X-Naut #21: Aww I'm sorry. I just get so nervous during those X-Naut Beauty Pageants.

X-Naut #24: We covered CANDY all over our uniforms! I glued Mikes to mine, and you did yours with Ikes, and we were gonna go back to back as Mike and Ikes. It was going to be wonderful! I mean, we TOTALLY could have had a chance to win that contest if you didn't shart yourself!

X-Naut #21: Okay okay! I get it! I already feel enough like an asshole already without you having it at me.

X-Naut #24: Yeah. An asshole who shits his pants before we even step foot on stage. We could have won that Sega 32X you know! And I've always wanted 1 of those!

X-Naut #21: Yeah... Don't remind me...

X-Naut #24: Now go clean yourself up in the locker room. I'm sick of smelling your shit in your suit.

X-Naut #21: *sigh* fine... I think there's still an extra uniform in this room.

X-Naut #21 went in the changing room where Peach was earlier.

X-Naut #24 spotted the Peach in X-Naut form.

X-Naut #24: Hey buddy! What's your name!?

Peach: Uhh... *clears throat* X-Naut 274 sir!

X-Naut #24: 274 is in the pageant already...

Peach: Oh, sorry. I'm actually X-Naut 274 1/2!

X-Naut #24: Oh. Nice to meet you then! So wait, why aren't you in the pageant yourself? Cuz that's where all the other Nauts are at right now.

Peach: Pageant!? Oh man I'd so win that- *clears throat* I mean... why aren't you?

X-Naut #24: Oh geez, long story. So my partner, 21 and I were competing and he got super nervous, so he kind of... I feel like a bad friend for saying this out loud, but he kind of... yeah... sharted himself. So now I'm waiting for him to finish changing into a new suit.

Peach: Wait, he's in the changing room right now!?

X-Naut #24: Well... yeah. Why?

Suddenly, Peach's X-Naut suit suddenly vanished as if the reasons weren't totally for spontaneous fan service at all. X-Naut 24 popped a 6.4 inch boner.

Peach: ... Oh crap in a hat...

X-Naut #24: Oh no way! It's naked Peach!

Peach: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!I!i1!i1i1i1!$^%& !^^*^*# !$%&#$ !

Peach ran off for dear life, quickly operated the elevator and left immediately.

X-Naut #24: Holy Macaroni! I just saw Princess Peach naked! Again! ZING!

X-Naut #24 balled his hand into a fist in front of his face to express his accomplishment of seeing naked princesses unconsentually.

X-Naut #21 busted out the door with his pants still soiled.

X-Naut #21: WHAT!? YOU JUST SAW PRINCESS PEACH NAKED AGAIN!?

X-Naut #24: Yeah! Oh man! You missed it? Sucks to be you bro!

X-Naut #21: It's okay! I saw her naked when we were watching her shower before I had that bloody nose. But damn! That's wikked awesome! It's like we're living in 1 of my [AO] Rated Mario Games. Speaking of which, I found Peach's Dress in the locker!

X-Naut #21 raised up the Peach dress like Link while he did the DADADADAAAAA! thing like a loser.

X-Naut #24: Oh dude! No way!

X-Naut #21: Yeah way! Smell it!

The 2 X-Naut's started smelling the Princess dress like a drug.

X-Naut #24: What are we gonna do with it?

X-Naut #21: I know what i'm gonna do with it! Imma gonna wear this, to the pageant and win that Sega 32X!

X-Naut #24: What do you mean "YOU" get to wear it!? I'm wearing it!

X-Naut #21: What!? No way! 1, you already have her thong. 2, I found it!

X-Naut #24: Yeah, but you sharted yourself! You'll probably just smear your gross crap all over the dress with your ass!

X-Naut #21: IT WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT!

X-Naut #24: IT WAS ALOOOOOOOOOT!

X-Naut #21: OKAY, THAT'S IT!

21 tackled 24 and they started wrestling over the dress like a couple of incestuous breeding retards in a haystack. Sadly, none of them made it back to the pageant in time.

Alright, back to Peach now.

Peach went back to her floor where she tried opening her door, but it was locked.

Peach: GOD DAMNIT TEC! OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!

As soon as the door opened, Peach then ran butt ass nekkid into Tec's room.

Tec: Welcome back Princess Peach.

Peach: TEC! You terrible machine! What the hell was wrong with that suit you told me to wear!?

Tec: You must have grabbed the majical suit that disappears for no reason.

Peach: DISSA-WHAT!? Wwwhy didn't you tell me it would do that!? I had to run back here with my tits flopping all over the place like a coked out orangatang!

Tec: Incorrect. From what I can calculate, you appear to only possess A cup sized breasts.

Peach: DO NOT stifle my naked body! So wait, hold on! You KNEW that suit would happen didn't you!? Cuz you directed me to a room that you KNEW had that suit in it! YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH TWISTED PERVERTED COMPUTER! You wanna know what "horny" is!? WELL CHECK YOUR CIRCUITS AND TELL ME TEC! CHECK YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING CIRCUITS!

Peach spat on the keyboard in hopes that it would destroy the computer.

Tec: Did you answer my question for Grodus.

Peach: I... Answered "A question." Like, "Why the hell am I'm being held captive?" Was that it?

Tec: ... Incorrect. I wanted you to ask why Grodus doesn't play with me any more. Like, not even flash Games like Super Smash Flash or nothing...

Peach: You... made me do all that so you I can ask Grodus' evil metal ass about him now using you for flash games!? YOU INCONSIDERATE BASTARD! Oh yeah! Speaking of you working for Grodus! He did inform me about your plan to take over the world. Like, WHAT THE FUCK TEC!? THAT'S MY JOB!

Tec: Of course. My purpose of creation was to assist Grodus in his world domination antics to create his final solution for a world wide utopian society. WIth him in charge, the world will be ethnically cleansed of human vermin, and the Astro-Nazis… I mean, X-Nauts will rule as the elite dominating superpower of this planet.

Peach: Ethnically cleansed? Utopia? Final solution? I don't even get what those terms mean.

Tec: Peach. Allow me to ask you something. Do you even like the world we live in? There are so many things wrong with the world. Pain, sorrow, war, climate change, hunger, murder, disease, rape, Duck Dynasty. We can make the world better and fix all of those problems in life and many more with complete and utter unity and order making it perfectly sufficient. Collecting the 7 stars will help us achieve our full control of exterminating inferiors, which is part of our master plan to achieve the perfect goal. So I ask you again Peach, Do you even like the world we live in?

Peach: You're asking me if I love the world? FUCK YAAA! Of course I love the world how it is now! I get to be hot, and a Princess. I rule the Mushroom Kingdom! Which honestly rules the world as the dominating superpower to be honest with you. Plus! I'm already working on exterminating inferiors out there too. The black people! Tee hee. Minus being captured alot, I love being me, and I have the world around my little finger and such! Besides. There's plenty of beautiful things out there to live for. You know, like flowers and stuff.

TEC: ...Is that so...

Peach: Now it's my turn to ask YOU a question! What the hell do keeping me captured and finding 7 Dedly Stars have anything to do with world domination? And what's beyond the 1000 Year Door? Cuz whatever it is, I think I want some of that too!

TEC: I am not allowed to answer that for it is against my programming designed by Grodus himself to do so.

Princess Peach: Well... But...Fuck sakes. Oh, never mind. Lemmy just write Mario back to see if it will make some difference…..

TEC: ... Despite feelings of perpetual jealousy, I will affirm this action for you.

The pissed off still naked Princess wrote another poorly grammatical email you will read in the 4th part of the chapture as always.

Peach: Now send it this instant!

Tec: You're acting like a bitch of a train wreck right now...

Tec sent the message.

Peach: And if you had a face, I'd smack your lights out!

Peach smacked Tec's screen doing absolutely [0 Damage] aside from hurting Peach's right knuckle.

Tec: The message was successfully sent. Well then, Peach. You've had a busy day. Go back to your room, please.

Princess Peach: Fuck you Tec. You owe me a new dress, phone, and thong!

Peach left the computer room as she was slamming her right fist on the hallway wall next to her as she was walking back to her Princessy prison room.

Tec: Goodnight Princess Peach?

Chapture 5 - 3: Hag V.S. Hag... AWESOME!

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 7:03 AM, partially cloudy and 62 Degrees F]

[The Great Tree of Might... Oh wait... what's left of it. Remember what happened last chapture?]

Bowser and his ancient wretched vile no good assistant thing Kammy Koopa somehow made their way to what used to be the Great Tree of Might. Sadly, this is no longer a tree. But instead, it's a black burnt giant hole deep in the ground big enough to fit a giant tree inside. If you're reading this for the 1st time and you don't know what the fuck i'm talking about, go to chapture 4 - 4 and FIND OUT!

Puness: Hey, what's that big bad steroid goblin looking thing marching toward us!?

Puniko: It's humunguziods!

Punathan: That must be the monster face who burnt down the tree and now he's finishing the job!

Puniper: Guys. Stop being retards! It's clearly Bowser.

Punathan: Who's that? I grew up with Fallout!

Punio: That's Bowser!? He's Mario's arch nemesis! He's so big and fat! Almost fatter than Puniper's ass! Ass Burgers Ass Burgers Ass Burgers

Puniper: HEY! I'M GONNA CUT YOUR ANTENNA OFF, AND SHOVE IT UP THE FAR DEPTHS OF YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T STOP YOUR GOD DAMN FAT SHAMING!

Petuni: HE'S GETTING CLOSER! CAN'T WE JUST HIDE UNDER THE PILED OF BURNT BUSHES AND MUTILATE EACH OTHER LATER!? THAT THING IS GONNA USE US AS FOOD PORN IF WE DON'T HIDE!

Punio: GOOD CALL! EVERY1! RUN! ILLUMINATI ILLUMINATI ILLUMINATI

All of the punies hid under what's left of the bushes which somehow worked as successful hiding spots due to Bowser and Kammy dysfunctional vision.

Bowser: GWARHARHARHAAAAR! I bet the next star we're looking for is going to be here somewhere!

Kammy Koopa: And why is that your autisticness?

Bowser: BECAUSE! NO fucking person would ever look inside this burnt shit hole of a location. You'd have to be MENTALLY RETARDED to check here!

Kammy Koopa: You don't say...

Bowser: I DO SAY! WHAT? YOU GOTTA PROBLEM THAT?! HUH!? WHAT!? WANNA TAKE IT OUTSIDE BRAH! CUZ I'M READY TO BRO THE FUCK DOWN, BRAH!

Bowser spread out his arms like a bro-tard to assert his insecure faggy dominance.

Kammy Koopa: Well... There must have been some kind of satanic ritual that was started by some damn rotten teenagers who think they'll get laid by starting fires. And why does every place we seem to wonder to always seem destroyed? It's almost as if some1 is 2 chaptures ahead of us having all the fun.

Bowser: I bet it's that gay fat slop slut Mario who beat me at Glitzville yesterday by throwing Vodka in my mouth and calling my piss a "joke" cause APPERANTLY, it tastes like Air Heads GODAMNIT I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM SOOOO MUCH! I HATE HIM I HATE HIIIIIIMMMMMMMM!RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!1

The mouth breathing Koopa impulsively breathed fire on a random branch sticking out of the tree hole that crushed a few of the hiding punies. Good day not be a Puni huh? At least you have access to a fucking computer. That's how you're reading this shit, right? Or at least with some kind of electronic shit.

Kammy Koopa: What are you whining about now?

Bowser: None of your business! You're an old bitchwitch! Which means YOU DON'T HAVE A SOUL! Which also means, YOU DON'T MATTER! SO FUCK YOU!

Kammy got pissed off at Bowser's rude comment and smacked him across the jugular with her cane like a bad ol' BITCH!

Bowser: OWW! … Dont hit people IN THE JUGULAR WITH RODS WOMAN!

Kammy Koopa: Then! Don't curse at your elders, you overgrown toddler!

Bowser: I AM NOT A TODDLER! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!

Bowser started stomping all over the place to express that he is indeed not a damn toddler. Most of the other Punies ran off during this.

Bowser: Great... Now my neck is bleeding. Happy!?

Kammy Koopa: It's not bleeding. You're just being dramatic.

Bowser: WELL IT IS! Great... now I need more Air Heads so I can fix my problems!

Kammy Koopa: What the hell is with your obsession with Air Heads anyway!?

Bowser: AN OBSESSION YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND! NOW OUT OF THE WAY!

Bowser walked to the other direction from Kammy making his "OUT OF THE WAY" comment completely rhetorical. Bowser began looking around in the burnt bushes desperately looking for some fucking damn Air Heads.

Kammy Koopa: Bowser! I highly doubt you'll find any Air Heads in here!

Bowser: If I don't find any right now, so help me GOD I will commit seppuku and respawn in an Air Heads factory for desperate measures!

Kammy Koopa: Then can't you just teleport where Peach is?

Bowser: NO! Cause I don't know where she is!

Bowser eventually found a Puni with a purple antenna sticking out of the twigs.

Bowser: I FOUND AN AIR HEAD! MY WISH BECAME TRUE! MWAHAHAHAHHA! FEAR ME NOW!?

Kammy Koopa: No.

Bowser: Well too bad!

Bowser suddenly took a bite of the antenna realizing it was the Elder Puni who moved out of the way and saved her (yes it's still a she) antenna from getting devoured by the challenged Koopa. Elder Puni grew into the size of a Bowser to interject.

Elder Puni: WATCH WHERE YOU'RE BITING YOU MORBIDLY OBESE WAD OF CANCER!

Bowser: WHAT? YOU CAN TALK!? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF CANDY IS THIS!?

Elder Puni: I'M NOT CANDY RETARD! I AM A GOD DAMN PUNI! AN ELDER PUNI AT THAT! AND YOU WILL RESPECT YOUR ELDERS YOU SPOILED BRAT!

Kammy Koopa: See!? This 1 gets it!

Bowser: ... So... You're not Air... Heads? ... AWW MAN! Great! Just great! I'm never gonna eat things I find from the ground on salvia ever again!

Kammy Koopa: Where do you keep finding all of this salvia!?

Elder Puni: So you must be the evil doers that burned down our home! I bet you were trying to cook us for a picnic or something huh!?

Bowser: No. That picnic was like, so totally 2 days ago.

Kammy Koopa: Oh please! Don't be so modest! We literally have a much better taste for food than feeding on your grey fugly looking species.

Elder Puni grew into the size of a world champion of League of Legends.

Elder Puni: How RUDE! "Grey fugly looking species"!? You have got some nerve mocking our great Puni race. Has your species looked in a mirror lately? You Koopa things might as well be rejected drunk looking Loony Tunes characters that barely even know how to walk left to right. How does it feel being the wretched old crone of your failed species!?

Kammy Koopa: DON'T GROW THAT BIG IN FRONT OF ME! ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK YOU BIG EYED WRINKLY NEAR DED RAISON!

Elder Puni: You're a Raison!

Kammy Koopa: You're a Raison!

Elder Puni: No! You're a Raison!

Kammy Koopa: No! You're a Raison!

Elder Puni: Wait... what are we talking about again?

Kammy Koopa: Uhh... Hmmm... Let's see... .something about us insulting each other?... Oh yeah! I remember now!

Kammy Koopa: You're a twig!

Bowser: Hmmmmm

Elder Puni: No! You're a grape!

Kammy Koopa: No! You are!

Elder Puni: Shut up! You're a cuck!

Kammy Koopa: I bet you'll die sooner than me! Cause you're older than me!

Elder Puni: I'm in my 60s! Besides, you look way older! What are you, 300?

Kammy Koopa: AHA! Jokes on you cause I actually forgot how old I am, so I win!

Bowser folded his arms and closed his eyes pretending to be a badass with a bad ass line I stole from the Paper Mario: TTYD Transcript.

Bowser: It's hag vs. hag! Awesome!

Kammy Koopa and Elder Puni: SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

Bowser: No! Fuck you both! I feel like i'm in a graveyard looking at your ded gross corpses right now.

Kammy Koopa: What's that? It sounds like you wanna get smacked again!

Bowser: Whatever. I'm gonna take the leap of faith and be the smart 1 for 1ce. Hand over the dedly star, Puni! And you better do it fast before I get bored and start a Puni Genocide.

Elder Puni: Oh that ol' thing... Yeah... Tough luck tub-tard! A 1980's porn star mustachioed man named Marty McFly has it! He said he was collecting the legendary treasures too.

Bowser: YOU MEAN MICHAEL J FOX WAS HERE AND NO 1 TOLD ME!?

Kammy Koopa: It's "MARIO"! Not "MARTY MCFLY"! ...You're even more senile than me! So Mario's really is on this adventure huh?

Bowser: What? Mario's on this adventure too? Oh no... this is the 1st time I'm hearing of this. Say it ain't so so. Oh no...

Kammy Koopa: You don't sound as surprised as you should.

Bowser: Welp, I kind of knew about it already...

Kammy Koopa: What?

Bowser: Nothing. UUhhhh… You're probably mishearing shit as always. Now can you 2 just... I don't know. Cheer me up and fight to the deth or something? I've always wanted to see an old people dethmatch up close.

Kammy Koopa: Sure!

Elder Puni: I don't see why not!

The 2 old smelly old ass female characters suddenly duked it out with Elder Puni biting Kammy Koopa in the nose while Kammy kept bashing the elder with her staff to get her off! They kept rolling around bumping into the walls and breaking many hips. They would take breaks forgetting that they were fighting getting distracted by urinating in their old people diapers but then they'd resume. It sounded like it was entertaining to Bowser at 1st in his mind, but he got bored and just felt like killing himself. So he fell asleep instead cause why the fuck not, right?

Chapture 5 - 4: A Glitzville Goodbye!

You know the drill. CHARACTER LOGS!

Mario (Age 43): A pissed off bastard with an abysmal reputation for sex, violence, and partying. He is a videogame star, the leader of Team M, a former plumber, convicted felon, and now he's a famous fucking wrestler that got famous for it in a matter of a few hours. His offensive god complex has little to no social filter and somehow almost always knows how to deus ex machina his way through anything. He is not some1 you would want to hang out with because there is a 0% chance you or any1 else would ever get along with him.

Goombella (Age 21): An ambitious Liberal Arts college Goomba student on summer break and 1 of the big driving forces of this journey. She is the potential smart 1 of the group... which isn't saying much. She is well known for being a reactionary character due to her having a short fuse. She tends to think of herself as culturally educated and sophisticated which we all know she's really neither.

Koops (Age 18): The Asspieish Koopa partner that either doesn't think clearly or thinks clearly but doesn't speak clearly. Or maybe he lacks oxygen. Who knows. But yeah, this mental virgin is a big time punching bag of the group as his annoying goofy and spacey personality gets him in alot of trouble with his team mates. He tends to say the worst things at the worst times because like the rest of Team M, he's still a dumbass.

Flurrie (Age 49): A fat horny retard cloud thing that happens to be a partner of Team M. She rarely does anything useful for the team and when she does, you still regret seeing it. It usually involves her doing something involving her butt or pussy. This rapist has a fetish for just about everything except for condoms. She is also quite possibly 1 of the grossest, if not, the single grosest characters I've ever written. But she's not just gross, she's really arrogant to the point to where she with no exaggeration, believes that world revolves around her fat ass making her a very unlikable character.

Yoshi (Age 1 Day Old): The token black Yoshi of the group who is indeed like I said "A stereotypical black character." While still in his egg form, he was originally going to be food, but he woke up still in the egg form, and started bouncing away from being consumed. He is straight up born into the gang… I MEAN… team. He's pretty much got a badass gangsta ass attitude and if you disagree, he'll fuck yo ass up G!

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 10:49 AM, sunny and 70 Degrees F.]

[Glitzville]

Mario and his friends strange as ever, were being given their 'so longs' from Jolene, Prince Mush, and the remaining Glitzville fighters that were in the gay orgy. Oh, and Rawk Hawk.

Jolene: So... I guess this is it. You all gotta go back on the adventure now huh?

Mario: Well no shit we do. We're starting a new chapture. So that means we're pretty much done with this place. Hopefully forever.

Yoshi: Yei! Our asses be otta here, bitch!

Jolene: I suppose so... With Grubba ded, your contract with him is officially invalid by default do to his deth.

Goombella: You don't think we're gonna get sued to murdering him are we?

Jolene: ...mmm... Not likely. Grubba doesn't have any loved 1s due to him being such a chauvinistic asshole. I even burnt his contract, legally. Honestly, it's about time he died. With him gone, I don't have to feel violated at my job anymore, and I can now become the new owner of Glitzville since I'm the next person in charge of the island already. People will probably come up with conspiracy theories that I killed him, but I'm not too worried about that cause they'll be wrong. So...just to double check, are you absolutely sure you wanna leave? I mean, you are the biggest star we've ever had. Like, we can renew a whole new, much more accommodatable human contract for you. And you are my favorite videogame character after all.

Koops: Uhh...

Mario: Well, just to double answer, We Don't Give A Shit About Glitzville. We just joined so we can grab the next star and go. So stop asking or I will re-route the engines of Glitzville and fly this thing straight into the goddamn sun!

Master Crash: ALRIGHT EVERY1! SHUT THE BOMB UP! I REPEAT, SHUT THE BOMB UP! GONZALES! I JUST WANNA SAY, YOU ARE THE BEST BOMBING PERSON I'VE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE TO DRINK WITH, FIGHT WITH, AND PARTY WITH! YOU AND TEAM M ARE SOOOO BOMBING AWESOME! AND WE PARTIED IN THE EMPTY ASS GLORY HOLE! IT MAKES ME WANNA GO BOMB MYSELF HARD! LAST NIGHT WAS LIKE, THE BEST BOMBING PARTY I'VE EVER BOMBING SURVIVED! I GOT SUCH A BOMBING ACID CONTACT HIGH FROM YOU, THAT EVEN I BEGAN TO THINK THAT IIIIIIII WAS A BOMBING POTATO! I EVEN STUCK A PHONE CHARGER UP MY BOMB TO SEE IF IT'D CHARGE MY BOMBING PHONE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I'M ACTUALLY GONNA BREAK MY BOMBING RELIGION FOR YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW! THANKS TO YOU, YOU FUCKING BADASS!

Red Majikoopa: Yeah! The way you kicked my team's candy asses was super duper amazing! I've been masterbating to the concept of how badly you beat me in the Glory Hole every 30 minute straight since then! Thanks to you, I promise that my team will never listen to Coldplay again! We learned our lesson!

Flurrie was distracted as she was trying to figure out how to make out with herself with her big ass lips.

King K: Ay Yo Gonzales yo daddy yo yo yo! You saveed mah keister up in dis town of Glitz pal! I don't know what we could have done without your slick skills that pay the bills. When you come back, I promise we'll have 10 times the shit partay! Just for you! AWW MAN GIVE ME A HUG!

King K walked up to Mario only for him to push him in the nose making him fall on his back. And yeah. He had a 'couldn't get back up' moment like any other Koopa.

Mario: Do not come near me!

Papa Baton Noir: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIAAAAA Yhutookdisheer wressslin shindig and mademe bigga den a Louisiana swamp I tellhyou and yeeven though yhumademeiall blind and cant see a lickity thang i gotta hand it to yuh all down by de bahyu for makin me that best daaaaaaamn fisherman wreslin blind bastud any1s ever hearin of.

Koops: Ah Gosh Golly...

Mario: Stop pretending like you know what he's saying, Koops.

Koops: Aww shucks.

Cleftor: Yeah Gonzales! In all my years from living in a dark forest with a bunch of pedophiles to leaving that place to join Glitzville, I never thought I'd see any1 rise above and be as punk as you in my life! You even out punk rock the punk rockers! And you don't even play any instruments that I know of.

Mario: Nope I never have. Not even in the Game and Watch Gallery series none of you remember.

Lakitu: I REMEMBER THOSE ARRIGHT! I've bought arr of them! They're my favorite games next to you appearing in Famicom Grand Prix and Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic.

Mario: I... don't even remember those game coming out… Was I drunk when I appeared in them?

Goombella: What's he talking about?

Mario: I don't know.

Red Chomp: ARF ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF AAAAAAAARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF! ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARF! ARF ARF ARF! AAAAAAAAAARF ARF ARF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRHARHARHARHARHHAAAARRRFFF!

Koops: Thanks!

Mario: Remember what I said about stopping the fake replies?

Koops: Uhh…. Oh yeah.

Yoshi: Maaaaan all these goodbyes are getting boring as hell. Can we Team M motha fuckaz get da fuck otta here and do some shit!?

Bandy Andy: Yo Sup! Gonzales! It's yo boy, Bandy G! Listen nigga! Good luck tappin some more ass and booty fuckin some hood ass bitches! Shit man! As a token of my gratitude, i'm addin you on facebook so I can blow up your newsfeed with some of em big booty ass twerkin' bitches! I be sharein' dat shit with every1 man! I don't care if niggas be blockin me fo my twerkin shares! I'M A FUCKIN PLAYA! Also, I made you a gold chain. It aint reel gold or nothin, I just took a string and wrapped it around a metal Coca Cola bottle cap I painted yellow as a token for you savin mah white and dirty ass!

Bandy handed Mario the poorly made arts and crafts project.

Mario: Yeah... no thanks.

Mario chucked the bottle cap thing at Bandy scratching hi's eyeball with the sharp part of the bottle cap.

Bandy Andy: AWW MAN NIGGA! MAH EYE! DAT SHITS FUCKIN BULLSHIT MAN IT BLEEDING! I LOVE YOU!

Rawk Hawk: PFFT! YOU GUYS ARE JUST A BUNCH OF GAY ASS PANSIES! AND YOU KNOW WHAT!? SO AM I! THAT'S RIGHT! RAWK HAWK IS WAWKING OUT OF THE CLOSET AND COMING OUT AS A FUCKING FAGGOT! I'M HEER, AND I'M QUEER, AND MY GAY ASS IS PROUD OF THAT, SO GET USED TO IT! AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU FOR HELPING ME COME OUT, AND MAKING ME LEARN MY GAY LESSON BY BEATING ME UP! FROM NOW ON, RAWK HAWK AINT GONNA CHEAT, AND WHENEVER HE FEEL LIKE CHEATING, HE'S GONNA FUCK 1 OF THESE FIGHTER'S IN THE HOLE WITH HIS RAWK CAWK! HAR HAR HAR HAR! I'LL FUCK DUDES WHILE I LIFT WEIGHTS IN THE SHOWER, TAKE SOME ANAL STRETCHING VITAMINS, AND WIN LIKE A QUEER BULGING CHAMP WITH EVEN TIGHTERS SPEEDOS! THE ASSLESS KINDS FOR THAT MATTER! AND REMEMBER: WHEN LIFE TRIES TO RAWK YOU, YOU BETTER RAWK IT IN THE ASS LIKE A REAL CHAMP!

Mario: Uhh... Good for you?

Rawk Hawk: YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, MAN! OH YEAH, WANNA GO OUT!?

Mario: No.

Jolene: Rawk Hawk, and I along with the rest of the fighters are gonna help support the LGBLT community and many other things that Grubba forced us to frown upon. From this day forward, we're cleaning up our act to appeal to a wider and less retarded audience.

Goombella: Wait, but don't you mean LGBT?

Jolene: No. LGBLT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomatoes.

Master Crash: WE'RE SUPPORTING THE RITES FOR SANDWICHES AS WELL!

Goombella: That's... painfully random.

Jolene: Back to my point, we'll also be supporting other choices that are also uncommon or non likable on a traditional basis. Such as incest. Because I am now in a controversial relationship by new boyfriend who is also my brother; Prince Mush. Who is also returning to Glitzville as a fighter!

Prince Mush: Yeah! My girlfriend and sister are the same person! How bout that!

Koops: I don't see anything wrong with that.

Flurrie: Same.

Goombella: Eww... Just don't attempt to inbreed or anything and maybe I'll try to respect it.

Bandy Andy: I just wish I can get me some of that ass of yours, Jolene!

Prince Mush: You can!

Jolene: We're always opened to spectators watching us fornicate!

Prince Mush: That's right!

Bandy Andy: AWW YIPPYYYY!

Bandy Andy has a huge nose bleed that made him pass out on the floor with his hand down his dirty pants.

Yoshi: *RUDE YAWN* Man whatever. This is some lame ass shit goin on up in here. Can we go now!? I've just been born and I'm already sick of this place.

Jolene: Also, before I forget, I would like to give you back the 6 coins I stole from you when i'd give you prize money. I needed it for my expensive medication.

Jolene handed Mario the extra 6 coins.

Mario: OH! YEAH! I TOLD YOU ALL SHE WAS STEALING FROM MY ALLOWANCE! HA! I SO CALLED IT!

Mario: Welp thanks for the butt licking every1, but I best be makin my leave. Later, butt fuckers!

Mario started running towards the edge of Glitzville for stupid reasons you might be able to put together.

Goombella: Wait, MARIO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Mario: SOMETHING I'VE BEEN PLANNING TO DO SINCE I GOT HERE!

Mario suddenly jumped off of Glitzville like an olympian swimmer Michael Phelps, and fell.

Mario: REMEMBER MEEE!

Every1 freaked out in shock of Mario's impulsive decision.

Goombella: OH MY GOD! MARIOOOOOOOOOO!

Koops: SOMEBODY SAVE HIM!

Jolene: PLEASE! I JUST BOUGHT THIS PLACE AND I AM NOT GONNA HAVE THE BURDEN OF THE DETH OF MARIO ALREADY!

Flurrie: HAVE NO FEAR! FLURRIE IS HERE!

Flurrie flew after him.

Falling Music: High Speed Dirt by Megadeth

Mario kept doing a bunch of sky diving tricks like doing the worm and pretending to perform homing attack somersault moves without a parachute. Wait... HE HAS NO PARACHUTE!? OH SHIT!

Mario: I'M FLYING BITCHES! ALL THE WAY TO THE GROUND! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Ground was coming closer to Mario's dumb face as he was about to fall and crash into the ground with no sensible ounce of remorse for his own life. Yet he was laughing and fucking around like his life didn't fucking matter. He was getting closer to Ghettoport of all places. Which is weird, cause the map made it seem more like it was above Petalburg, but no. It was west side Ghettoport to be specific. Maybe it moved.

[Ghettoport]

As Mario was about to land flat on concrete from the 5,000 meter high jump, Flurrie suddenly beat the potentially suicidal plumber to the ground carrying Goombella, Koops, and Yoshi in her…. you figure it out. She landed the partners on top of eachother 20 feet in the air which still hurt like hell. You know those mattresses that professional stunt gymnasts use to make their falls safer to land? Well, Mario fell and landed on Flurrie, and she was that pillow, only 1000x groser. This punchured Flurrie's organs hard briefly, but she was able to push them back into their regular form due to her abnormally fucked up body.

Mario: Oof!

Flurrie: Way to *coughs up punctured lungs* puncture my lungs in such a body thrusting fashion... Just the way Flurrie likes it...

Yoshi: DAMN G! DAT SHIT WAS DOPE AS FUCK!

Goombella: MARIO! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING DOING THAT!?

Mario: AHA! My prediction was stunningly accurate!

Goombella: Stunningly accurate!? You just jumped off Glitzville expecting you were going to live!? I knew you were psycho, but THAT just takes the dumbass cake big time!

Koops: There's cake!?

Goombella: WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT GOD DAMN CAKE RIGHT NOW KOOPS! STAY ON TOPIC!

Koops: Aww man...

Mario: Well clearly I survived the fucking fall. And I kinda knew that Flurrie would be a hideous safety net for me.

Goombella: So what if we didn't save you from killing yourself?

Mario: I wou-

Goombella: YOU would have DIED!

Mario: ... Do not interrupt me when I'm TALKING! Now... I would have landed in the water and probably would have gotten bit by a Nibbles thing and it would have taken off 1 damage.

Goombella: But you were aiming straight to the ground and you would have been crushed!

Mario: I don't see why your complaining. I mean, I had a good time doing it, Yoshi thought it was cool, Koops is thinking about cake, and Flurrie is horny from me falling from the sky and nearly crushing her to deth.

Flurrie: It was sooooo *coughs up more guts* arousing...

Goombella: Just stop doing things thinking you'll always be alright.

Mario: Oh you're just mad cause your eyebrows are abnormally too big for a normal girl!

Goombella: YOU FUCKING ASSH-

Luigi: Long time no see Gonzales! Since when were you so opened about your middle name?

Yoshi: Who dat green Mario lookin nigga?

Mario: Oh great. It's my retarded base headed younger brother, Luigi who somehow hasn't overdosed on crack yet. Don't tell me you've been watching EFPN lately.

Luigi: 1st Nintendo, now the Glory Hole! I don't know how you become famous so quickly, but you do. I was watching some of your performances on television. I really like your battles against The Ded Boners where Flurrie raped 1 of them, and the 1 where Bowser showed up and you made him explode!.

Blooey: My favorite part was when you pulled out Jeffrey Dahmer on the BOMBING PIECES OF BOMB fight. That was funny cause people actually died!

Mario: Damnit... So now you guys are hopping on the bandwagon for my Gonzales persona butt licking fun time too?

Luigi: Nah! I've always been licking your butt ever since you became famous. Metaphorically speaking... And quite literally that 1 time. You remember the time whe-

Mario: Stop fucking talking!

Jerry (Age 28): Wait! I wanna hear thith thtory.

Luigi: Quiet my gay fruity bob-omb friend with benefits thing!

Yoshi: Dat's what dat is? Dayamn! Dat thang look like he be belongin' in a batch of Kool-Aid, nigga!

Jerry: Knock it off thilly buns! I just wanna hear thum fabulouth thtories about licking thum buttth. Tee hee.

Mario: Really? You have a gay stereotype partner now? That's lame.

Luigi: His name is Jerry! And I popped his butt cherry! At least I don't have a black stereotype Yoshi as a partner! Unlike you!

Mario: At least I'm not a shitty sidekick that reek of salty jenkem, unlike you!

Luigi: At least I'm not a short old fat ass with a 1 dimensional personality, unlike you!

Mario: At least I don't go on made up drug induced adventures where I go to haunted houses and piss myself while sucking off ghosts with a vacuum, unlike you!

Luigi: At least I don't have fat ugly black partners that reek of shame and stupidity, unlike y-

Yoshi: Shut da hell up before I throw yo gay ass red cherry bomb character at you blowin yo ass up!

Jerry: OH I LOVE that thong by the Runawayth! That beat jutht maketh me wanna danth my butt off!

Jerry started listening to Cherry Bomb by the Runaways in his head

Mario: You're new partner's got a gay name too!

Luigi: Yeah he does! Wanna hear about how we met?

Mario: OH SHIT! GUYS He's going into another cringing story again! Every1, make peace with the floor now while you still can cause you all about to pass out from boredom!

Luigi: Oh... in that case... So basically, long story short, I found my 2nd piece of the Marvelous Compass at the Placentabelly Village recently! Amazing right!? My hands got filthy with all kinds of vadgelly fucking after birth. I tell you hwat! So basically, long story short, we took our squirrel corpse boat that's been starting to rot and stink by now. But that's alright. The smell gives me a sense of vibe and adventure. Plus the smell is a good way to get high as fuck. Have you ever tried huffing squirrel corpses? It's pretty good, you guys gotta try it sometime. But 1ce we got to the Placentabelly Village, we immediately noticed that something was wrong. Like, gay wrong. Just kidding. I'm bi. lol. We learned the hard way from the mayor that the town was ruled by a giant cunt snake named Glycon the All Powerful. The dumb Mayor said that he was gonna sacrifice his virgin daughter thinking it would make the snake happy thinking he would fuck off! Which he was right. Now, being the heroin-hero that I am, I offered myself to sacrifice myself instead of her so I can get laid. Pretty smart huh? So the Mayor approved because I'm such a dumbass as so he thought. So in order to be sacrificed, I had to dress myself up as a cybergoth female chick. It was pretty hot. I had to take some perverted fucking selfies because it was so hawt. But anyway, I made for 1 hot Glycon worthy sacrifice brah! I couldn't stop shaking my hairy gothic butt! I'm a pretty convincing trap too! Even with my mustache! And I didn't even wear the masks that some cyber goths do too. Glycon even thought I was hot. So then Glycon wrapped me up almost squeezing me to deth while he raped my Luigi ass with his god like tail. The reason why that's so terrifying is that Glycon has a 2nd head for a tail which means I started to anally bleed from the snake fangs... alot. The history books don't talk about that. Seriously, look up Glycon. I'm not kidding. There's a cult about him. So with enough self taught yoga practice, I clenched my sphincter so tightly that he started screeching like the snake he is. While I was clenching my tushy, I did a battle sream going like "REBREBREBEBRREBREBRJKERCUHCOCKACOCOOOOOOOOOOCCKKKKKKKK!" I had to prove my manliness some way! I really hope I don't get Snake Cypholic though. My gaping hole still makes me feel quite wheery... So back to the story, the snake head tail left my body, so I basically made him eat his own head which was his 1 tail. It hurt him so badly, he just blew up like a jizz filled water balloon. Suddeny, I found another compass piece inside his jizzy snake body. It pointed east, to Circuit City Island! Just as I was about to flip off the town and go, the mayor begged me to stay and marry his daughter. So I just lied and said "I would" so I can fuck her in front of her dad and take off. Luigi don't do marriage. The only ring I need in my life is my asshole! Plus I still have to tongue punch Princess Ebola's fart box 360. This time when I activated the compass, I started hearing voices. And not the kind that tell me to shoot up schools this time! This voice was actually beautiful brah! It must have been Princess Ebola! I had that racey non cocaine heart feeling... I think I...m ... horny... *sticks his hands in his pants passionately* So yeah. Long story short, we just came back here! But Jerry, the red Bob-Omb with the cherry stem was no help at all.

Jerry: HEY! YETH I WATH!

Luigi: Welp... You did give some juicy cherry butt sex that made my "White Torpedo" smell like cherries!

Jerry: That'th right bitch!

Blooey: Man, Stop stealing my penis name! Get your own!

Luigi: No! It's my penis name now! So fuck you!

Jerry: And you forgot to tell the part about where we met!

Luigi: Oh yeah! Blooey and I we're picking cherries so we can make a cherry pie to practice vadgelly sex with like from my favorite movie; American Pie... And we found you by mistake hanging from a GAY DILDO TREE! THEE END!

Luigi: So MARIO! Do you and your strange friends have any questions?

Team M suddenly woke up after them all falling asleep as usual from the boring as shit Luigi stories.

Mario: ...

Yoshi: Fuck that shit! Them stories are gay as hell! Like, too gay! BLEEEEEEEEEERG!

Yoshi puked on Blooey.

Koops: Not to be rude, but can you please not tell me any more of your stories? They make me feel a little nauseous.

Goombella: Yeah. Besides, from what I heard, I swear, you're just making up all these fake places. I go to college. I've seen 1000 maps and globes of the world and none of these places exist.

Flurrie: I, Madame Flurrie and still unamused by your wretched story telling...

Luigi: Okay Mario! Now what's your feedback!?

Mario: Luigi, your stories will never 'wow' me. They drag on more and more and if cancer had a smell, that's what they'd smell like. And you should go kill yourself.

Luigi: Thanks! Brah! Good seeing you almost every chapture as always!

Mario: Piss off!

Goombella: So Mario, can we head to the Door now to find out where to go next?

Mario: Yeah. That's what we were going to do.

Koops: Is there any short cuts around here?

Mario: Yes. See the vent under us? THat's how we'll do it.

Goombella: How.

Mario: Watch.

Mario used his curse he forgot he had for awhile and pushed his man boobs together to sweat grease. Blotches got on all of partners

Mario: Now we can slip through!

Luigi: WHAT THE FUCK!? YOU CAN DO THAT NOW!? YOU LUCKY STORK FUCKER!

Mario and his party ignored the deranged sibling and just slipped through the vent straight into the sewers.

[Ghettoport Sewers]

After a few repetitive obstacles that they've been through time and time again, they made it to the front of the 1000 Year Door. Reading the name "1000 Year Door" feels alot smaller now knowing it's not the title of this story unlike the game it's directly based off of.

Flurrie: Ah... The 1000 Year Vadgelly... Such an deviant work of art I do say so.

Goombella: Can you stop putting the image of the 1000 Year Door being a vadgelly in my head? It's nasty!

Flurrie: Exactly... Just the way Flurrie likes it…

Flurrie had her tongue sticking out breathing her smelly odorish breath on Goombella.

Goombella: Stop trying to seduce me Flurrie! Gross!

Flurrie: It's worth a shot.

Yoshi: Damn! This place smell like some serious ass G! And not the good kind neither! It even smells more assier than the minor league locker rooms! FO real man!

Mario: Get used to it. Cause you're gonna have to put up with some pretty bad smells on this adventure at this rate.

Koops: Yeah! Get used to it.

Mario: Shut up Koops.

Yoshi: So Great Gonzales! How we doin this star shit!?

Goombella: It's pretty simple really. Gonzales does this thing where he raises up the map in the middle of the shrine, and we place the 3 stars we have into their designated locations.

Yoshi: Aight. Wasn't asking you, but aight.

Mario: Let's do this thing. And now that we're out of that fucking dojo, CAN YOU ALL STOP CALLING ME GONZALES!? THAT'S MY RETARDED MIDDLE NAME THAT DOESN'T FLOW WITH MY WHOLE NAME!

Koops: If only your name was Mario Mario Mario, right?

Mario: That's even more retarded!

Yoshi: Well, since you call me nigglet, I'm callin yo ass Gonzales whether you like it or not.

Mario: ... Suck my fuck.

Mario began the dumb boring ritual and The Stars of Wrath, Envy, and Greed were put in their proper places of the shrines. As you know, blu rays shined like fuck out of the boob looking shrine and the map started levitating and burning a new detailed location onto the map. 1 detail I forget to mention is that a light blue beam descends from the ceiling sky or whatever while it's burning the image onto the map. If you wanna find out what the image is, THEN PLAY THE DAMN GAME OR WATCH AN ANNOYING LETSPLAY FROM SOME DUMB YOUTUBER WHO THINKS HE OR SHE IS FUNNY! Ah just kidding cuz I LOVE DESCRIBING THAT SHIT! So anyway, on the west side of the map for 1ce above the map's compass was burning an image of an oddly curved blue steeple that looks like it was designed by some whacky architect from Chicago. It was in a halloween looking haunted forest area with barn fences and palm trees. The next star was located directly on the steeple.

The map hovered back into Mario's hands taking a long time as always.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG TO LAND IN MY GOD DAMN HANDS!?

Suddenly it did.

Mario: FINALLY!

Goombella: Hmm... It looks like this star is gonna be in some weird orange haunted level.

Koops: Oh geez luiezz. I was hoping we wouldn't wind up in 1 of those places. I have ghost phobia.

Yoshi: Shut up and stop being a pussy ass bitch for 1ce!

Flurrie: MMMmmmm I sure hope I get possessed by a ghost that forces Flurrie into unholy arousing acts she would do either way…

Goombella: Remind me why you're allowed to talk again?

Mario: Don't you think you guys are kind of jumping the gun about it being haunted? Although it probably most likely is knowing the formula of my games.

Suddenly Mario's phone started ringing.

Mario: Speaking of jumping the gun, who wants to read the new Peach Email!?

Goombella: NOT DOING IT!

Koops: *sigh* I'll do it... ONLY to prove that i'm not a pussy ass bitch.

"OMFG Merio," 0MFG Merio, li3k, aI no sumtiig u dnt nou! :D SRSLY, Teh X-Nazis r actt-shelly triing 2 tak ovre te vvrld. 0.0 WAT TEH UBR FUK!? Dx THR TRYIG 2 TAK 0V3R THRW MY MONARKEY WI T TREJJRE N STARTS R RIILADED 2 IT I THINK.:( I DNT GE TIT! :0 WRIT MII BAKKK SO IK THNG$! ;) LOL! But u no. -.- NO 11 WIL TEL MII IN33TH33NG! :( N 2 MAK MY LIVE WRST M NEKKID! ( o Y o ) CUZ TAT ASSHOL COMPEEYOUTRR IM USEING WOO CN PROLLY HEER Mii N I DNT CURE CUS Hii NiiDZ 2 CHEK HIS FUKNG CRRCITS! D: CUZ HE TRIKD MII N2 WERING A DISSA-WATING SUUT! . Inyho, writ my back or els you get Exeggutored! :D Tata. :P

-Princess Peach-

Koops: Ugg... Her grammer makessooo weery... That was the worst us in leet and emotocans that I think im gonna pss out frum bahd... gra...mer...

Koops passed out on the ground do to Peach's poor grammar momentarily shutting off his brain.

Goombella: You know, that's actually not an over reaction at all. I actually feel like I get a bad high when I read that shit too.

Mario: Wait, so it wasn't already fucking confirmed that the X-tards are trying to take over the world? It's kind of been a no shit deal for 2 Chaptures now. Yoshi! Grab Koops and let's just go to Frankly's or some shit.

Yoshi: Ah god damnit. rrr... Makin the fuckin black character do all the work man... fuck you...

Chapture 5 - 5: The Usual Chapture [Number] - 5 stuff.

[East Ghettoport]

The strange team of 5 got out of the sewers and headed straight to Frankly's place in hopes for useful updates. Will Frankly be reliable? Find out by reading stupid!

Mario: Yoshi! Why the fuck are you so far behind us!?

Yoshi: CAUSE! YO ASS BE MAKIN ME LIFT THIS DUMP ASS KOOPA! FUCK YOU!

Goombella: Alright guys. This time, let's not break down the door like we have been like, EVERY TIME. I'm trying to maintain a good reputation with my Professor!

Mario: I think you already maintain a great enough relationship with your professor. Especially with the time you sucked h-

Goombella: Stop sharing that out loud!

Mario: ... and my dick.

Goombella: ... Just shut up and smash the fucking door open already.

Mario: No need to tell me 2ice.

Mario attempted to smash the door down but didn't work. Even with his new hammer.

Mario: Okay. Plan B. Flurrie. Fart on it!

Flurrie: Say no more!

Flurrie's farts on the door are also ineffective.

Flurrie: His doors sure do get stronger and stronger…. don't they?

Mario: Belive it or not guys, but I actually have a plan C.

Goombella: And... what's that?

Mario desperately used his hammer as a shovel, and dug a hole under Frankly's place where Team M suddenly popped out of Frankly's floor like Bugs Bunny.

[Frankly's House]

As usual, Team M caught Frankly doing something whacky and perverted. Get this shit, this time, he was jacking off on Omegle. You know, It's that website that's kind of like Chatroulette where guys expect to find naked 14 year old girl boobs, but all they end up finding are old men giving weird stares at you while they jack their wrinkly dicks off. You know their slogan, "Omegle: Talk to strangers!"

Frankly: OH CRAP IN THE MAD HATTER'S HAT! NOT AGAIN!

Mario: Hey Frankly! How've things been since our last conversation!?

Frankly: You mean that conversation where you had to fool me into thinking you were a prostitute about to share a child with me!? I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!

Mario tried to fend off Frankly cause Frankly was about to slit his throat, pull out his esophagus, and make jazz tunes out of the 43 year old's menace's infected sucking organs. Mario being as strong as he is, just simply pushed the elderly Goomba off of him.

Mario: Get off me pervert!

Frankly: I am not a pervert you damn mocking bastard!

Flurrie: Mmmm... Enlighten's Flurrie's ear holes of what you just masterbating to before we got here.

Frankly: NOTHING!... Uhhhh... PORN! I WAS LOOKING UP PORN! YEAH! That's it, PORN! I was masterbating to Chilian butt image porn!

Flurrie hovered over to Frankly's laptop in hopes to witness a beholding sight.

Flurrie: Ooooo... What's this 'Omegle' website on your fabulous device?

The 12 year old toad in the chat with Frankly on Omegle puked from seeing Flurrie on webcam. The puke got on his computer screen.

Frankly: Alright! Fine! You caught me. I like to masterbate during cam chats on Omegle.

Mario: WHAT!? SERIOUSLY!? HAAAAAAAAAA! NO WAY MAN! THAT'S SICK! AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!

Mario started rolling on the floor kicking the wall knocking off a memorable photo of a spoon from 'The Room.'

Yoshi: I don't get it.

Goombella: Wait Omegle? What's that?

Frankly: Well you see... How do I explain this… Do you by any chance know what Chatroulette is?

Goombella: I've heard of that, yes.

Flurrie: Oh! You mean that website where you talk to random strangers via webcam and partake in sexually deviant acts?

Frankly: That is correct.

Flurrie: And Omegle must be the same idea then.

Frankly: Also correct you hungarian hog.

Goombella: Ahh sick... So you were masterbating to random strangers!? WHY!?

Frankly: Does your feeble brain lack an understanding of kinks and fetishes? I have a thing for masterbating infront of random strangers. Especially children! It's a similar concept of being an exibitionist as I get off to the concept of random people on or off webcam seeing me do cock stuff with my cock. The world needs to see it!

Flurrie: Such words of inspiration. And I have a fetish for inspiration too...

Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEERG! THAT'S SICK! Don't these kids watching you jack off just… click out!?

Frankly: Well... yes and no. Some click and freak out, sometimes their parents catch them watching me spank my wang, sometimes they stay on anyway cause they think me masterbating is funnier than The Hangover trillogy. I also tilt the laptop so my face isn't exposed. Sexually disguising myself to be young is a big kink of mine too!

Goombella: YOU HAVE GREY FUCKING PUBES!

Flurrie: May I ask how does a specimen such as yourself masterbate despite not having any arms?

Frankly: That's a very terrifying question with a very terrifying answer you don't wanna find out.

Flurrie: Myy... but I kind of do though...

Mario: It's cool. I've always wwanted to meet some1 that jacks off for people on a website. Crosses that off my bucket list.

Mario pulled out his bucket list to crossed off "Meeting some1 who masterbate on cam publically."

Yoshi: Aight, so enough of this gay ass dick talk. We got an email from Princess Bitch that no 1 be tellin me a whole lot about, sayin some shit about some X-Niggas tryin to take over the world in shit.

Frankly: ... Oh my Carl Sagan's Galactic Jizz! Now you guys have a BLACK Yoshi on our team!?

Goombella: Yeah. So?

Frankly: ... Ah shit. Can you guys keep an eye on him so he doesn't steal anything? Preferably, if you have a leash, can you just put him on 1?

Goombella: Wait, why would he steal? … You're not racially profiling him, are you?

Frankly: I'm concerned because he looks like the kind of fucking brat that would do that shit!

Yoshi: Hmm?

Goombella: So... it is because he's black then...

Frankly: ... Look! We're outside of U Goom. And I have alot more freedom and alot less risk factors to speak my own mind!

Goombella: Speak your mind?... In that case, your mind is full of shit then!

Frankly: Your shit for bringing that wild thing into my lab! Plus, I don't know if you all know this or not, but I'm actually allowed to say whatever I want off campus! See? Check this out! ATTENTION: ALL CHARACTERS AND READERS PRESENT. WATCH AS I AM ABOUT TO PERFORM THE UNSPEAKABLE! AHEM…. *deep breath*... NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER-

Yoshi: AHEM! AIGHT, STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW YOU RACIST ASS HONKEY ASS MOTHA FUCKA! ENOUGH'S ENOUGH! ANYWAY, like I was SAYING, We got an email from Princess Bitch about some X-Niggas tryin to take over the world in shit.

Frankly: Oh yeah! Those guys!? Wait, that wasn't already obvious already!?

Goombella: Didn't you say the treasure was just an expired welfare check? Why would they be interested in looking for that?

Frankly: IT COULD BE ANYTHING OF HIGH VALUE! It's kind of obvious, especially if you have a legion of Astro-Nazis or whatever they like to call themselves taking shit over, kidnapping princesses, and operating giant robots. It's all blatantly obvious that they want something bigger than Belious' Ballsack!

Goombella: I'm confused… Aside from the Peach kidnapping, we never even informed you on some of those details like the robot stuff.

Frankly: I PAY ATTENTION! At least all we know for certain is that the treasure is definitely something of the high most value. So that's good. Now i feel way less depressed and more secure about this adventure your all on!

Flurrie was busy trying to bend her eyelashes to poke her eye balls for a masochistic fetish.

Yoshi: Sooo... I'm still trying to understand. How the hell does finding some treasure help them asses rule the world? They gonna buy the world with some gold and shit?

Goombella: It could just be some Doomsday Device. Treasure doesn't necessarily have to mean "gold", you know.

Yoshi: Well yeah! I wasn't born yesterday!

Every1: ...

Yoshi: You can all suck it.

Frankly: The point is, the treasure behind the door could be ANYTHING! Anything of most likely high importance! We shouldn't limit our minds to any possibilities! Anyway, Mario! Stop trying to get high off my mother's cremated remains and hand me the map!

Mario was trying to smoke Frankly's mother's cremated remains out of an egyptian bong without putting in any water.

Mario: Whatever. This thing doesn't even work well without water anyway.

Mario dropped the bong shattering it on the floor and handed Frankly the map.

Frankly: Hmm... Let's see now... Oh my Washington's Washboard! So who's familiar with the name, Twilight Town!?

Goombella: What?

Flurrie: Hmmm...

Yoshi: I don't know shit.

Mario: You better not be talking about the town Twilight took place in.

Goombella: That's all the way in Washington state, Mario.

Mario: Why the fuck do you even know that?

Goombella: What? I wanted to see Twilight to see how bad it was as a joke. Every1 knows that the books were way better!

Frankly: Retards! Twilight Town is the town of the area where the next star is located! A.K.A., the Twilight Zone! Not to be confuzzled with the show 'Twilight Zone' from the 60s. I'm gonna be honest for just a second here, I have no fucking idea what this place is all about. All I know is that that place is a little... wierd. Like, eerie and trippy. But not like the good kind of trippy, or the Boggly Woods kind. More like, a darker more weirder level of trippy that most of you might not be used to. But what do I know? All of my knowledge about it, is that it sounds and looks like a haunted level. So expect that!

Goombella: Wait... so why did you sound so excited over finding that out just now?

Frankly: I don't know. I'm old, stupid! But yeah. There's a warp pipe that will take you there in a quick 8 hours on the west side of the Ghettoport Sewers!

Goombella: Your continuity of not knowing much about this place is a little suspicious.

Frankly: I don't care! Now all of you! Get the fuck out of my office lab trap house because I will rape you all in the mouth! I have to go back to finding young sluts to masterbate to on Omegle!

Mario: Alright whatever. Let's skedaddle freaks. Hope to see you on Omegle soon Frankly! Assuming we don't fucking die on this next quest.

Mario and his ridiculous team hopped back down the hole and back to da ghetto they go. Frankly briefly opened the door.

[Ghettoport East]

Frankly: And by the way, YOU OWE ME A NEW FLOOR YOU DUG A HOLE THROUGH! I'm RENTING THIS HOUSE YOU KNOW!

Mario: Yeah yeah! We get it. Go fuck yourself in front of a camera!

Goombella: Uhh... wait a sec guys, what happened to Koops?

Yoshi: Sheeeeit. I don't know. I got tired of y'all makin me carry his ass so I just left him by the door or somethin'.

Goombella: … Yyyou mean... you just LEFT him by the door while he was unconscious!? What the fuck you idiot! You do realize we're in a fucking Ghetto right!? Shit. Maybe some1 must have stolen him!

Mario: Wait, Koops in gone? My god, that's hilarious! I bet he's getting fucking butt raped right now as we speak!

Yoshi: Well maybe he just walked away or something? I bet he at dat bar we be passin by!

Mario: Mmmmm... Not likely. *sigh* God damnit... I don't believe this. This is gonna be such a waste of time looking for him. Alright. Welp, let's get going then.

After spending a draggingly long time searching for Koops, Team M went to the last place they could possibly look for him. This place of all places was the back alley of Frankly's place. Koops was seen roped up on his back to a wooden table with his shorts and underwear off and mouth duct taped with drawn on penises on his face for some reason while a sackboy from Little Big Planet was about to harvest Koops' organs with a rusty pizza cutter. Maybe he got the idea from the Amateur Surgeon games on Adult Swim. He was doing some strange creepy chant and dance while he prepared to harvest Koop's organs. By the way, read it in a catchy chant, cause I notice some of you forget to read it musically. Maybe I'll italicize the singing to give you dumbshit's a clue.

Darkly (Age 33): Darkly Darkly always wins, He's gonna cut up new organs. Darkly Darkly wins again. He likes to fuck some fresh organs. Darkly Darkly always wins. He's gonna cut up new organs. Darkly Darkly wins again. He likes to fuck some fresh organs.

Koops: MmmmMMmmMmmmmMMMM!11!11!1!

Mario: Let that autistic Koopa alone you mutated emo sackboy lookin ass motha fucka!

Yoshi: YEI! WHAT HE SAID AND SHIT!

Darkly: Oooooo... yuuuummmmmmmyyyy... Darkly sees 4 more freshy hunks of flesh he can't wait to cut up and make delicious sex toys out of. They even come in different sizes and shapes too... I think I'll even deep fry 1 of you just for kicks.

Darkly pointed at Yoshi.

Yoshi: Man, fuck you! It's cause i'm black that you're pointing at me to get deep fried isn't it!? I BET YOU THINK I'M GONNA TASTE LIKE FRIED CHICKEN OR SOMETHINg!

Goombella: Wait! Look! It's Koops! Let's save him!

Flurrie: Flurrie enjoys the creatively abstract wonders of how you have his yellow genitals exposed. Talk about style...

Goombella: Not now Flurrie!

Darkly blocks the path.

Darkly: Rehehehehe... Darkly will not let you near his meat! I need many parts of his body so Darkly can sell them. And hopefully, Darkly will live in the up and most luxurious of dumpsters. But 1st, Darkly will duly plant his dark seed in your friend's butt to grow lil Darklies... taaaaaaaaaaasssssstyyyyyyyyyy...

Mario: AY! Fuck you! And fuck your piece of fuck business! You die if you fuck with Team M!

Koops: MMMMM! MMMMMmmmMMMMM!

Mario: Shut up Koops!

Yoshi: Eww! I can see both Koops' dick, and booty, nigga! AWW! So unpleasant man… I don't even know which 1 makes me sicker.

Darkly: hmhmhmhmhmmm…. Darkly likes when his prey is feisty. Makes him feel like he work hard for his sexy soon to be sex zombies... Okay. Do your worst to me... I dare you... mmmmhmhmhmmhmhmmm

The creepy flesh fucking sack boy grabbed his best organ harvesting tools such as a big ass sharp rusty exacto knife that kind of looks like an axe, and he also pulled out some gopher pliers.

Goombella: Uggg... This guy is freaking me out BIG TIME!

Darkly: Darkly's mouth is getting really….. watery...

Merlon: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!

Merlin suddenly swung from a rope and kicked Darkly so hard in the face that he crashed into the walls and got knocked the fuck out unconsciously. He was passed out bleeding with a little bit of drool pouring out of his meth mouth!

Merlon: IT IS I, MERLON! WHO HAS COME TO SAVE THE DAAAAAAAY!

Mario: Damnit! Not you again! We we're gonna kick his ass on our own!

Merlon: You can thank me later, for I always know where to find you guys!

Goombella: How... did you even know where we were?

Merlon: Cause! I'm psychic! That's all the explanation you peasants need!

Merlon un-tied the slow brained Koopa free from the shady hospital table.

Koops: Oh thank golly you saved me from getting raped!

Mario directed his attention to Merlon.

Mario: You live across the street next door! For all we know, you could have just overheard us talking while you were on the rooftop trying to catch birds with your rope like a crazy asshole.

Merlon: MOMMY WAS HUNGRY! Look... how about we just chill out, and have some psychic lunch I can make out of these pigeons I lassoed in this sack with my rope! Or maybe we can just exchange power ups for some shine sprites. HOW DOES THAT SOUND!?

Mario: ... Fuck it. Why not.

Koops: Oh Mario! Thank you for saving me! THANK YOU! I'm never reading 1 of Peach's emails ever again! NEVER! WAAAA!

Koops grabbed Mario and started crying on his shoulder while hugging him tightly.

Mario: EWW! TRY PUTTING ON SOME GODDAMN PANTS BACK YOU RETARD!

Mario kneed Koops in the exposed koopa balls to get him off of Mario.

Koops: Oww... thank you... fffff... for saving me...

[Merlon's House]

Merlon: Alright guys! Who's ready to play some DnD right now!? I'll make you all some pigeon flavored hot pockets, put on the Hawaiian air fresheners, show you all the old classmates I wanna kill from my middle school yearbook! We'll have a blast!

Mario: We're here so you can upgrade my partners dumbass. Stay on track!

Merlon: Why yes. Of course! Now allow me to ask you how many shine sprites you possess?

Mario: Let me check.

Mario pulled his 7 shine sprites out of his... PORTAL!

Mario: I have 7. Do something with that shit.

Koops: How many?

Mario: 7!

Merlon: Perfect! That will surely be enough to upgrade your partner I haven't gotten to yet, and your new partner i'm just meeting!

Yoshi: Sup nerd.

Merlon: Now hand me 6 of the Shine Sprites and stand back, and allow me to do my usuals!

Flurrie: It's about time Flurrie receives an enhancement….

Goombella: You make everything sound sexual when it really shouldn't be...

Mario handed Merlon 6 Shine Sprites.

Merlon: Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu!

No joke. This really is a name of a frikken hill from New Zealand!

So yeah, the walls tilted flat on the ground as an outerspace special effect sequence took place right when the majical Merlon lifted up his nerdy arms. There was a constellation of stars glowing around Flurrie and Yoshi as they were powering up.

Koops was distracted as he was looking up Bob's Burger's hentai. It was family orgy night.

Yoshi: Dis shit better not turn me into a gay ass homo lickin retard.

The background turned back into normalish as the strange spell just ended.

Yoshi: HOLY DAYAMN! I'm just born and my ass already boosted x2 for this adventure already!

Flurrie: Yes... I wish I had a porn mirror I can lick to complement my sexy upgrade. Maybe I could smear some of Flurrie's amazing liquids upon the mirror.

Goombella: I... I don't.. think I can... be surprised by anything you say anymore.

Merlon: Alright, now that that's all over and done-done, you all should probably go before mother finds out I have playmates over.

Melon's Mom (Age 669): MERLON! DID YOU HAVE MY LUNCH TOGETHER!?

Merlon: YES MOM! BE PATIENT BITCH!

Merlon's Mom: MERLON BRANDON ANDERSON! I'M NOT LETTING YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE SO YOU CAN CURSE AT ME! YOU'RE RENT IS PAID BY FETCHING US LUNCH!

Merlon: I'M HAVE IT READY MOM! RELAX!

Melon's Mom: THAT'S IT! I'M COMING DOWN WITH THE FRYING PAN, AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A TALK RIGHT NOW!

Merlon: Alright! You guys gotta leave! HURRY!

Merlon shoved all of Team M quickly out the door so he wouldn't get in more trouble than he already is for talking back to mommy in such a deplorable fashion.

[East Ghettoport]

Mario: Well... That was awkward... ALRIGHT! LET'S GO BACK TO PODLEY'S AND GET SHWASTEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDD!

Team M party members: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Outside of Podley's Pub]

Before going into the depraved bar, the retarded Team M just so stumbled upon a bulletin post of some breaking news in front of Podley's.

Goombella: Sayy... Ever wonder what these posts on the wall talk about?

Mario: If it's not alcohol, i'm not interested.

Goombella: Well that sure is a predictable "you" thing to say now isn't it.

Yoshi: Well quit talkin bout it just read dat shit!

[[[GDM Issue

GHETTOPORT TODAY

Old Toad Settles Inn!

It's appears that after settling into our inn last month, Toadsworth (Age 60) has often been spotted in the company of Zess T. (Age 55) to potentially sexually assault the old bitch. She be all like, "He was all like, "What's wrong with you? Why won't you spend time with my little Toadle-toes already!? My toes need your tongue for a good lickin!"" So he tried to force her down to lick his toes which got him kicked in the old people balls. He won't be charged for rape due to our town not having that sort of legal system. We just find the situation to be funny as fuck! I mean, come on right? Who the fuck does that!? lol]]]

Mario: Well that sure does sound like him alright.

Flurrie: Licking toes you say? Where can Flurrie find this Toadsworth?

Mario: Who gives a shit, BEER TIME!

[Podley's Pub]

And so, here we begin the 4th loony bar scene with TeaM as always sitting at the bar table, all of the random strangers we're drunk off their stupid asses at 11:00 AM in the goddamn morning as if their lives don't fucking matter. WHICH THEY DON'T! Background music: Somebody Put Something in my Drink by The Ramones.

Yoshi: Dayamn man! Look at this place! Every1 be fighting here and shit! I love bars!

Goombella: Don't you guy's think we're going a little too overboard bringing an infant into a bar? Especially this 1?

A random bar person attempted to throw a bottle at Goombella for no reason and missed.

Mario: What are you, stupid? There was 1 person here already that brought his child. Koops puked on it. Remember?

Flurrie: Awww really... I love puking on babies... Where was I when this tomfuckery happened?

Mario: You weren't in the team yet.

Flurrie: Then I'll go back in time and make myself join so I can witness it!

Mario: Uhh... .sure.

Podley: Hello. What can I get for you 4? I mean... 5. Wow. You're team is growing every time you show up huh?

Mario: Shut up. Alright... Uhh... Let's see... What does the Mario like to drinkkk...hmm... Oh yeah! I'll have 10 of your best shots of Dickel.

Podley: Wow. No 1 ever buys that brand of whiskey cause of the name making guys seem gay if they drink it. Who's next? How about...

Flurrie: I'll have a slippery nipple! And I mean the drink! Unless you wanna see some of Flurrie's...

Just for this moment, Flurrie grew nipples to see if Podley would be aroused.

Podley: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! Ugg... Sorry. You're just so gross... But sure.

Goombella: Okay. I'll get... do you have any kind of alcohol that DOESN'T taste like shit!?

Every1 got quiet as they gasped over the outrageous comment.

Podley: Uhh... careful. You don't wanna say that too loud in here.

Random Drunk: AY! HOW DARE DID SOME1 SAY THAT ALCOHOL TASTES LIKE SHIT!?

Goombella: Umm...No. I think you're just hearing things stupid.

Random Drunk: Alrighty... Well if you need me, i'm gonna go back to trying to eat my own bar stool.

Mario: Nice 1.

The Random strange drunk returned to his bar stool to continue his retarded attempt to devour the chair by putting ketchup and pickles on it to make it taste kind of like a burger.

Podley: If you don't like beer, we have cider.

Goombella: Cider? You mean like juice or something?

Mario: Cider is the pussy version of beer that has more of a fruit kind of taste to it.

Podley: Pussy version? It comes with the same average 5% alcohol percentage.

Mario: Yeah, but still. It's not the same.

Goombella: Zip it Mario. I'll get some of that!

Podley: Here. Try a little sample of Vandermill. It's a ginger apple flavor.

Goombella: Alright.

Podley poured Goombella a small shot of the hard apple cider. And she actually drank it without gagging.

Goombella: Whoa! This is AWESOME! Where has this been all my life? I think I'll have some of that!

Mario facepalmed.

Mario: God damnit Goombella...

Podley: Alright. What will the new guy be getting?

Yoshi: Nigga I was just born! I've never drankin a damn thang in mah life! Not even dat 'water' shit every1 be talking about!

Podley: Welp, most bars don't serve infants, but we're the 1 exception in the entire universe so you're in luck. I know what you might like? Try this Cinnamon Toast Crunch Shot. It's mixed with Fireball whiskey, and Rum Chotta. It's just like drinking cereal!

Yoshi: Mmmm... Dat shit sounds goooooooood... Aight! I'm doin dat!

Podley: Alright. What about the quiet 1 with his head down?

Koops: Oh me? Ehhh... I don't really feel like drinking today.

Mario: WHAT!? Oh come on! Just drink something you stupid loser!

Koops: *Sigh* Fiiiiiiiine... I see a thing on the menu about a Mai Tai. That doesn't look so bad.

Mario: It's a GAY drink!

Koops: But it looks pretty promising I guess...

Mario: Pfft... Whatever. You all have bad taste anyway.

Podley: Alright. Is that all?

Mario: Yeah...

Podley: Alright. THat will be 71 coins.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! THAT'S EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE THAN LAST TIME!

Mario was about to pull out his hammer and bash Podley in the jaw.

Podley: We'll you are the recently famous Great Gonzales right? You should be fine paying me being a rich celebrity and all. I'm even throwing down a slight discount cause of it.

Mario: Discount? ... Fuck you... fine.

Mario paid the depressed bartender.

Podley: Thank you. This will help me get over my evil twin brother's mysterious deth. So thank you. Drinks are coming up.

Koops was seen keeping his head down isolating himself from every1.

Mario: Dude, Koops. What the fuck are you doing? You're acting fucking weirder than normal!

Koops: Uhh... Oh, spin dashing splenda... I don't know... I just feel... kind of…...

Flurrie: Aww... What's wrong? You want the Ol' Madame Flurrie to give you a kissy kiss?

Koops: NO! Just... leave me alone...

Goombella: Let me guess... It's from reading the Peach email? Or wait, was from that scary back alley organ harvester?

Koops: ... Yeah...It's a little of both. I don't really wanna talk about it. It's been making me feel a little poopy lately... Like, after reading that email and almost getting raped and having my organs harvested and junk. Puts you in kind of an odd perspective. Plus the other 2 times I almost got raped in the series don't help either. Like in Chapture 3 where Robotnik was gonna rape me 1st in his rape cage where he rapes people, and then there's Chapture 4 where Flurrie got too horny and pinned me down for a brief period... I mean, I don't know...

A random drunk got so drunk that he thought he was William Shakespeare. So he pulled down his pants, and rubbed his penis on his friends making them highly uncomfortable.

The bar music started playing Light my Fire by The Doors.

Podley: Here are your drinks.

Mario: Sweet! Now we can get drunk and you can get over that bullshit!

Koops started chugging his Mai Tai immediately.

Goombella: Please don't get blasted like last time Mario.

Mario: You know I will. And you also know I won't care. So good for you for being an ugly fuck face with no nose or arms or tits.

Mario grabbed 2 of his shots and downed them like a Mel Gibson behind the wheel.

A random stranger walked up to Yoshi.

Random Stranger: Hey kid, wanna... go into the bathroom with me? I need help going pee pee...

Yoshi grabbed Mario's hammer and bashed the obvious pedophil's head flat.

Koops: I mean... why do people even like sex? All it is, is people getting hurt, raped, impregnated, and getting STDs all because people wanna have 5 minutes or 10 hours of horny pleasure when they can just masterbate instead without any of that bullshit. I just don't get why sex is made out be this amazing experience when It's not even that great...

Team M all angrily looked at Koops with a frustrated expression.

Flurrie: Shut up Koops.

Koops: No! You shut up! No 1 even likes you... If you died, none of us would give a shit!

Every1 Else: ... Holy shit. Did that just happen?

Flurrie: Tawking dirty to Flurrie huh? ... Alright, I guess you're sexy again. Mmmmm... Your sassiness just made me damp in my waffle hole...

Yoshi: Man. Whatchu hating on sex for? You like, gay or something? I mean, I know you gay, but still!

Koops: No! I just think the world focuses too much on sex and we're all too culturally indoctrinated and brainwashed to see past it. I mean, I don't know...

Mario: Dude, stop being a depressing piece of shit. It's annoying the piss out of me. Look, let's just * takes another 2 shots* do some bar stuff * takes 2 more shots* like tell some dumb ass jokes! Wrrr at are bar right? This is the 1 of the few times when *BURP* we can really be ourselves!

Yoshi: DAMN THIS CEREAL SHOT SHIT HELL AS AMAZING!

Goombella: You mean "amazing as hell?" Fuck. I'm having a hard time coming up with material right now. I need to find something in the background to inspire my comedy.

A random phrat boy started hand standing naked from the waist under with socks on as 2 of his friends held his legs up to help him butt chug Pabst Blue Ribbon beer to get him drunker than if it entered his oral cavity.

Yoshi: Bitch, You've never been drunk before, have you.

Goombella: ... God you're annoying. I don't get why some people actually think you're the "fan favorite."

Yoshi: BECAUSE I CAN NIGG!

Goombella: BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK!

Koops: Well gosh golly Mario, I think maybe you have a point. Hey! Wanna hear my favorite joke? What's 0 times 0?

Mario: The number of friends you have.

Yoshi: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! DAYAMN NIGGA HEE GOT YO ASS GOOD HAHAAA! AIGHT! I GOT 1! YO MAMA'S SO WHITE, SHE WAS BORN IN A CRACKER FACTORY! HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Yoshi jumped really high, and started grabbing the ceiling thinking he's just like Spider Man.

Yoshi: YO NIGGAS! LOOK! LOOK! I'M SPIDA-MAN!

Goombella: God. Never in my life have I ever thought I'd witness the sight of a drunk infant. I better drink this fast so I can be drunk enough not to give a shit.

Goombella kept quickly trying to drink her shots!

Yoshi threw his speedo underwear diaper thing at Goombella's face.

Yoshi: TAKE DAT, BIATCH!

Goombella: ... And I just lost my appetite.

Koops: K, I got another joke! What's 7 and rhymes with purple? Oh shit. I told the joke wrong. What's purple-

Mario: YOU ALREADY RUINED THE JOKE, DICK BREATH!

Koops: Pudding!

Mario pushed Koops off the bar stool causing a bruising domino effect that knocked down alot of people next to him making them fall and be all bloody and cut up.

Koops: I was only... trying... to be funny...

A random drunk went to the bathroom to try getting high off of drinking the bathroom soap.

Flurrie: I got 1, why was the pirate banned from the movies?

Koops: Why?

Flurrie: Cause he was ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRESTED for raping little boys!

Flavio: HEY! THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO PIRATES!

Mario bashed an empty shot glass on Flavio's forehead above his eye socket knocking him out with glass in his face.

Mario: Oh yeah! Your just joke reminded me! I thiink *BURP* Koops is write about you dying and no 1 feeling bad. Like *BURP* seriously.

A random drunk tried getting drunk off of windshield wiper fluid, but got sick.

Flurrie: And that pirate was me. In a porn... and maybe in real life 1 time.

Mario: My god,

Mario took off his drunk glove and smacked Flurrie with it.

Mario: Your breath smells like hobo shit after eating rat guts. I hope you make like Joan Rivers and die from surgery you ugly fuck-lard!

Goombella: Isn't that kind of in bad taste?

Mario: Who said it was a joke? Okay. Here's a good 1 I got for all of you!

Mario got up on the table.

Mario: ATTENTION FELLOW DRUNKS! WHO WANT'S TO BET 50 COINS TO SEE IF I CAN KICK MY OWN ASS! Ehh? EHH!? COME ON! Come on…. WHO'S READY TO THROW THEIR COINS AT ME!

As Mario took off his sweaty shirt, the bar people started crowding him and went as far is to actually throw coins at Mario thinking he was a gross prostitute from Israel.

Koops: GO MARIO, GO!

Flurrie: What a fabulous performance this is...

Yoshi was still climbing on the ceiling.

Goombella: God, when is natural selection gonna get off it's smoke break and wipe you people out?

Mario started full forcingly whacking himself in the face with his hammer while every1 cheered for him. Since he was so drunk, he felt [0 Damage] But did lose a tooth.

Bar Audience: WOOOOO! FOSDHSDIGSFGIJSBDVISDBSIGBSDNFKJ!

Podley: HEY! Get off my bar table!

Mario: MAKE ME! I'M ACHIEVED 1 OF MY NEW SPECIAL FORMS; 'DRUNK MARIO!' LIKE METAL MARIO FROM SM46, I MEAN *BURP* 63 or whatever, , I DON'T EVEN FEEL PAIN!

Mario slipped on some beer on the table and fell on the unconscious Flavio. He landed his ass on the part of him with glass all over his face making them both even bloodier.

Podley: Well... would you stop if I told you that we installed a Pac Man machine today.

Mario raised his head back up.

Mario: WHAT!? Pac Man?

Later after after Mario took 3 shots, he punted a little Toad kid in the face so he can use the Pac Man machine. Team M was hovering above Mario getting the highest score at Pac Man while Ace of Spades by Motorhead started playing. He was on the 6th level.

Koops: COME ON MARIO! YOU CAN DO IT! EAT THE CHERRY EAT THE FUCKING CHERRY!

Goombella: Their not all cherries. I believe that's a... hold on. Let me google what that thing is on my phone.

Mario lost another life in Pac Man trying to eat a blue ghost that turned back to normal at the last millisecond. Man, I hate when that happens.

Mario: FUCKING DAMNIT! I LOST ANOTHER LIFE!

Yoshi: MAAAN, YOU DID DAT THANG AGAIN WHERE YOU TRIED EATING THE GHOST AND AT LAST MINUTE DIED! FUCK AS HELL!1!

Mario: Alright Let's last life! I can do this... I CAN DO THIS!

Goombella: It's called a Galaxian, and it's worth 2000 points!

Mario drink his last shot of whiskey.

Mario: I AM 10 SHOTS OF FULL POWAAAAA!

Flurrie: Next time, you eat out those ghosts, do it before they change back.

Mario: OH FUCK! I'M CORNERED!

Koops: NO! NOT AGAIN! ANYTHING BUT THAT! OH NOOOOO!

Mario did that thing in Pac Man where at just the right millisecond, went right through the red ghost from the corner.

Mario: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Koops: HOLY SHIT!

Flurrie: MY MYYY!

Yoshi: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYMN! HOW YOU DOIN THAT!?

Mario: IT'S A POWER OF MINE KNOWN AS THE DRUNKEN SPIRIT! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Goombella: WOW! That would have been cool to record.

During Mario's drunk Pac Man spree, he got too cocky and got killed by the pink ghost not looking where he was going.

Mario and his dumb team had a blank shocked expression on their faces.

Mario: ...but... but...

Mario: THAT'S IT! THIS MACHINE IS GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!

Koops: Wait Mario! Don't you wanna submit your name!? I bet you got like... the highest score!

Mario: Fuck you Koops. You bet your gay Mai Tai drinking ass I will.

Mario submitted his name for his 400,000 point score as MGM, but didn't make the top 10 unfortunately. All 10, usurped Mario in the 1,000,000s by a man named LEMMY.

Mario: WHAT THE WHAT!? LEMMY!?

Goombella: You mean the Koopaling Lemmy?

Mario: I KNOW WHO HE IS!? Great. ANother ass I have to obliterate with my erection of steel! He fucked with my high score, now I must fuck with his butt!

Koops: Aren't those Bowser's kids?

Mario: Not really. Basically, back in 1987, Bowser rounded up some of the worst Mario fans in all of existence and turned them into his minions by taking their brains out surgically, and putting them into the bodies of mutated miniature Koopa clones mixed with his own DNA and other genomes of random celebrities and referred to them as his children. 1 was a coprophiliac diapering hentai artist, 1 was fat and made out of 800 pounds of cool ranch doritos, the other 1 was 1 who tried making a legal document claiming her and bowser were married, 1 was a professional game hacker that made a profit off of his hacks, the other was a guy who tried suing Super Mario Bros for being too violent even though he didn't care and wanted coins and got help with his lawyer mom, then there was 1 that kept sending deth threats to Miyamoto because the guy thought he invented Mario Games 1st, and last but not least, there was the 1 who would over react when he'd lose in Mario styled larping so bad, he would go in his house, and beat up his mom for no reason. And now they're the 7 Koopalings.

Koops: Wowwy.

Lemmy Kilmister (Age 58): If you wanna know who Lemmy is, it's me.

Mario: Holy shit I know who you are!

Goombella: Uhh... Who's that exactly?

Mario: Don't you recognize the lead singer of 1 of the greatest bands of all time Motorhead of all places!? Wow holy shit! I love your music! Man wow, like, what exactly are you doing in this shit hole of all places?

Lemmy: Oh you know. Just going to every bar around the world and what not. 1 of my bandmates was telling me about this place so I was interested to check it out. That's all.

Mario: Well no shit! You live a rock and roll lifestyle as always. So you're the badass with the badass scores on Pac Man!

Koops: Weren't you threatening to rape hi-

Mario: Shut up Koops! No I didn't!

Lemmy: Hey. Let me get another whack at that game to see if I can beat my high score.

Lemmy grabbed his bass guitar and bashed Flurrie in the mouth out of his way to play some Pac Man.

Mario: Nice 1!

Flurrie: Ta *spits blood* Tastes like the hospital...

2 minutes later, after Lemmy from Motorhead got a top score of 100,000,000 like a based god in Pac Man, a bunch of annoying bar drunks we're trying to get his attention by creating a drunk mosh pit to the Motorhead marathon Podley was playing. The moshers wrecked so much of the fucking place to the point where it looked like a tornado hit the inside of the bar. Beer was slipping everywhere, people were sliding on bar stools on the bar, fans were being ripped up, every1 was getting cut up by the shards of glass from the shattered beer bottles everywhere as they excessively kept falling all over the place.

Lemmy: Welp, looks like 100,000,000 is my new high score.

Mario: I... don't know what to say. THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!

Yoshi: THE FUCK!? YOU LIKE, MADE PAC MAN YOUR BITCH! ... Or was it the ghosts you made your bitch. Man, I don't fuckin know!

Lemmy: Ehh. It's no problem. Next time, I think I'll shoot for 1,000,000,000 or something like that.

Koops: Rolling raisons! Are you a god or something!?

Lemmy: Hell no. I breathe air just like you.

Mario: Oh man. But seriously, It's a serious honor meeting you.

Lemmy: Well it's an honor meeting you too Gonzales.

Mario: Ehh... It's me, Ma-

Lemmy: I GOT YOU! You're fucking Mario! I know. I was messing with you.

Mario: Ooooooh. HAHAHHAHAAHA! You got me. Say, are you interested in joining my Team M at all? We have room for a new partner this chapture.

Lemmy: Nah. It's alright. I gotta go back on the tour and what not.

Mario: Understood sir. Say, before you go, can I get your autograph?

Lemmy: Why the fuck not! What do you want me to sign?

Mario: ... Sign my fucking chest.

Lemmy: Alright, 1 chest signature coming right up.

Lemmy pulled out a pen and signed his name on Mario's chest.

Lemmy: Now before I go, you gotta sign my bass guitar for being 1 of my video game heroes.

Mario: WHAT!? REALLY!? NO FUCKING WAY! SHIT YEAH!

Mario signed Lemmy's signature bass guitars.

Lemmy: Alright. Nice meeting you all! I must make my leave now. Cause I'm in Motorhead, and we play Rock n' fuckin' Roll!

Lemmy flew through the ceiling of the building like the superhero he is.

Mario: Holy shit. This is the best day of my life. Alright. Let's getting back to the *BURP* adventure now. THIS WAY!

To somewhat impersonate Lemmy, Mario broke a gaping hole through the pub and walked straight through the busted wall.

And came back through the hole.

Mario: I FORGET TO GO BACK TO THAT BADGE SHOP! MY BAD!

Oh yeah. And Flurrie finished her slippery nipple.

[Badge Shop]

Mario: KNOCK KNOCK! GUESS WHOS BACK BITCH-FUCK!?

Ms. M- I mean, badge shop owner: Oh hey... It's you again.

Mario: What's wrong? Unhappy to see me sexy mouse lady who totally doesn't look like Ms. Mowz!?

Goombella: What is with your profound fetish for mice? Oh well, I'm too drunk to really care.

Mario: We all know you're not drunk. So sHUT *BURP* UP!

Goombella: You just burped in my face!

Badge Shop Owner: It's... nothing. I just had a bad sexual experience that happened with some1 yesterday that's been weighing on me.

Koops: Wait? What is it?

Badge Shop Owner: I said it's nothing! ... we got 1 new badge that power's up your partner's attacks by 2 when in danger called a Power Rush P and we have another weird 1 where you can jump on an opponent and it makes them shrink. It's called a Shrink Stomp.

Mario: SOLD!

Mario 1ce again paid the right quantity of coins up front oddly like a gentleman.

Koops: You palz ever notice how there's badges that upgrade partners? Like, how do the badges know we're partner's when Mario puts them on?

Flurrie: I think they sense our pulses magnetically from us to Mario from the [INITIATION MODE] process.

Koops: Oh... Wait, you didn't say anything sexy or gross.

Mario: Welp, thank you for your service Ms. NOTMowz. I'M OFF!

[Ghettoport]

Mario bursted through the wall again like an Armored TItan forgetting he was on a rooftop waiting for another dumbass fall.

Mario: OH SHIT! I FORGOT I WAS ON A ROOF TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

Mario fell off again. He was still drunk enough to be fine though when he landed on the floor.

Goombella: MARIO! YOU IDIOT! STOP FALLING OFF THE ROOFTOP ALREADY!

Mario: THank you... *coughs up a lung*... captain hindsight...

Flurrie lifted the party back onto the ground.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! YOU BE DROPPIN OFF EVERYTHANG!

Koops: Wait, I think you landed on some1!

Mario got up noticing that he nearly flattened Zess T flatter than the world itself.

Goombella: HOLY SHIT! YOU KILLED THAT WOMAN!

Mario: Oh good. It's that bitch no 1 likes.

Yoshi: Who dat again?

Mario: No 1 worth caring about.

Koops: That's the old lady that wouldn't let us cross to the west side to get to Glitzville yesterday.

Yoshi: Sheeeit really. What a bitch.

Flurrie hovered over Zess T and felt her pulse under her saggy worn out left tit with her tongue.

Flurrie: Mmmmmm... Looks like the poor dearie's alive.

Flurrie started making out and molesting her unconscious toad body in various unpleasant Flurrie ways.

Mario: FUck! Shes ALIVE!?

Koops: I thought that would a good thing!

Mario: EVERYBODY! RUN! NOW! BEFORE SHE WAKES UP!

Team M stormed out while Flurrie lifted Zess T's body in hopes to partake in more immoral activities with her.

Mario: FLURRIE! LEAVE THE BODY!

Flurrie: But why dearie?

Mario: CUZ! THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF WHY WE'RE RUNNING YOU DUMB FAT SLUT THING! LET'S GO BEFORE SHE KEEPS US FROM STARTING A NEW SUB-CHAPTURE!

Flurrie: Fine... Have it your way.

Flurrie carelessly chucked Zess T's floppy body on the rooftop like a frisby.

Chapture 5 - 6: Ass Tatts

[Ghettoport Sewers]

Team M as almost usual re-entered the slimy sewers of the Ghetto where Mario greased himself and his team through the vent again. Of course you know, most people aren't retarded enough to go down there. Not even all of the drunks in Podley's Pub combined. But Team M have reasons as you know. And they have some pretty low standards low enough to make the depraved events of this story happen for you fuckheaded readers!

Koops: Shucks Mario. I'm surprised you're not as drunk as you'd normally be. Like, last time, you had 8 shots last time, and you were way more ballistic!

Mario: Well I was gonna go "way more ballistic", but then I got distracted by fucking PAC-MAN!

Koops: Hooray!

Yoshi: So where you think we go down in here?

Goombella: Well there's a creepy wooden door by us we've never been to before. Let's try that.

Mario: Let do it!

They opened the door and spotted a small room with an ominus brown rustybrick warp pipe that looks like it's seen better days. The days where it didn't become polymerized with fecal matter. Also, there was dumb graffiti art of young couples that thought their relationships would mean something by painting hearts with their initials inside like angsty fucking twats.

Yoshi: Look guys! I found dat warp pipe we was lookin' for!

Flurrie: Mmmmm what a lovely looking warp pipe! I just can't wait to sink my teeth right through it.

Koops: I'm kind of scared to enter it guaiyz!

Mario: Sweet! It's about time! Welp, off to another fucked up adventure we go!

Goombella: Great... Now we gotta ride this pipe for a long, time consuming period... *sigh* I better not get a cut on the rusty edges. I haven't had a tetanus shot in years.

Team M hopped in the warp pipe 1 at a time. You think this would start the new chapture, but guess again, they ALL got spat out! and slammed into the wall.

Goombella: OUCH!

Koops: Aww shucks. What in the world just happened?

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT THE GARGLING FUCK!? WE WERE SO CLOSE! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Yoshi: Maaaaan talk about bogus as haill right?

Mario started bashing his head onto the rustybrick warp pipe with his forehead in the epitome of rage.

Goombella: Mario. Stop doing that!

Mario: NO! THIS IS BULL CUCK! I'VE NEVER BEEN REJECTED FROM A WARP PIPE IN MY LIFE! EVER!

Koops: Well maybe there's some kind of silly rittle we have to fulfill 1st! Heh! I'm soo guud at those!

Mario: That's it! I'm going back in!

Mario kept entering the pipe and in response, it kept spitting him out!

Mario: IS THEIR AN AIR VENT IN THIS THING PUSHING ME UP!?

Flurrie: I'm not so sure. It's like we enter the pipe, and then immediately when it looks like we're about to reach the other side, we get spat up back here. Like getting thrown in a loop. Although it does give Flurrie now inspiration for some kind of horror porn.

Goombella: That's a thing?

Koops: Aww... I knew it was gonna be a ghost level guys... Maybe we need to got to the grocery store and buy some Ice Mountain water and pour it on.

Goombella: How will that help?

Koops: Cause you know, we need holy water!

Goombella: At a grocery store…?

Koops: Well, I don't know. You never know, I figured water itself can be holy.

Mario: I'm gonna take a shit in this warp pipe and see how this warp pipe likes it.

Mario pulled his overalls off and crowned a wretched dump inside the strange warp pipe.

Goombella: Eww... I say we go talk to Frankly to see if he has any word about this.

Yoshi: Yeii, accept he didn't know jack shit about dat place we goin to.

Goombella: I don't know. It's worth a shot. It's not like we have any other options anyway.

Mario got up from taking his shit and took a look inside the warp pipe to see if it would go down!

Mario: HA! It worked! The warp pipe took my shi-

Mario's fecal matter flew up and splattered onto Mario's face due to the pipe being cursed in it's own stupid way.

Mario: YOU FUCKING JAP!

Flurrie: Now it's Flurrie's turn to dump in the pipe.

[Frankly's Crib]

After Flurrie splattered her face with her own shit with the help of the warp pipe, the strange team broke back into Frankly's house and caught him masterbating to the girl from Candy Crush.

Frankly: OH COME ON! WHAT IN FREYA'S FUCK HOLE ARE YOU 5 DOING BACK HERE SO EARLY!? SO HELP ME GOD YOU BETTER TELL ME YOU ALREADY FOUND THE 4TH STAR! CAUSE THAT WOULD BE, THE ONLY REASON, WHY YOU 5 IDIOTS WOULD BARGE INTO MY HOUSE WHILE I'M PULLING MY PORK TO CANDY CRUSH!

Goombella: Yeah... well get this…*ahem*... You see…..the... the pipe.

Mario: Doesn't fucking work.

Goombella: Doesn't fucking work... What he said.

Frankly: ... GOD DAMNIT! Well, what am I supposed to do about it!?

Goombella: I don't know! Use your fucking books about this place! Or even Google if you have to.

Frankly: I WILL NEVER RESORT TO THE FUCKING INTERNET FOR INFORMATION! IF I EVER FIND MY FACE ON THERE, I'M CUTTIN' IT DOWN! ALL OF THAT INTERNET DOWN! I CAN REMEMBER ALL OF MY PORN PRETTY WELL TOO YOU KNOW!

Koops: I'm pretty sure all we need to do, is find a grocery store that sells some bottled water and use it to pour it down the pipe.

Frankly: ...

Koops: Right?

Frankly: Are you SHITTING ME!?

Koops: Hmm?

Frankly: CAN SOME1 WITH ARMS SLAP THIS AUTISTIC RETARD IN THE FACE!?

Mario: With pleasure!

Mario took off his glove and slapped Koops in the face with the glove harder than his hand with the glove occupying it could.

Koops: OUCHIES!

Mario slapped him again.

Koops: OWW MAN!

Mario: YOU'RE STUPID, AND ANNOYING, AND SHUT UP!

Frankly: Thank you Mario. If you were my student, I'd give you an A and a scholarship. But Koops or whatever your dumb name is, I'd give you such a bad grade, you'd get arrested for it.

Yoshi: DAYAMN NIGGA! HE GOT YOU GOOD!

Frankly: Welp, I don't have shit that covers Twatlight Town's weirdness and what not, BUT! I Do have a much lazier solution for our problems. You see, I made acquaintances with a stranger who lives in that fucking town!

Flurrie: Do tell...

Frankly: Well... he's pretty chill... Pretty off though... He's been dealing me some pretty good opium, and stitched up sex organs! He's a sackboy who lives behind my house! His name is Darkly. Now, don't judge me for wanting to... you know, De-Rail sex organs. That's Frankly's business. When you're 67 years old kids, you're mind starts to wonder off into deeeeep parts of your subconscious sex drive! And when you do alooooot of drugs, you learn alot about yourself! You learn you're into some weird shit that the world doesn't want you to like and sometimes, you just gotta rape the status quo in the butthole and just go for it, I mean, just who the hell do they think I am huh? Seriously! But yeah, Darkly's a pretty cool guy. He'll tell you all about Twilight Town and how to get in.

Koops: Uhh... wait, his name is Darkly? You mean that... uh oh spaghettios... I'm already feeling depressed again...

Mario: Oh cool! He should be easy to find then!

Goombella: Are you sure about that? I mean, we can find him, but are you sure meeting that creep again is a bright idea!?

Frankly: What's this you speak of?

Mario: Oh you know, some1 we met that matches that exact description found Koops' unconscious body and some wizard kicked his... Oh hey! Now that I think about it, it wasn't even our fault that he got kicked in the face! Yeah! He should be cool then, let's get go Team!

Frankly: Very good, AND IF YOU GUY'S COME BACK A 3RD TIME THIS CHAPTURE, THERE IS GOING TO BE MORE HELL TO PAY THAN THE LEAD SINGER OF CREED'S DOWNWARD MUSIC CAREER. GOT THAT!?

Mario: We never do. So shut your shrivelled fucking mouth and die!

Goombella: You have a confusing relationship with my professor.

[Back Alley Ghettoport]

As planned, Mario and his strange friends ran into the even stranger character; Darkly. Who was sucking the fat out of a sevvard butt cheek with a silly straw.

Darkly: Why hellllohhoohoohooohohooooooo... Darkly didn't expect to see you hunks of meat again sosoon... Especially after that annoying wizzzard foot hit me to sleep... Darkly don't like that 1 b...it..

Koops his behind FLurrie's big fat cloudy ass and cried a little.

Mario: We get it, you're a creepy organ harvesting cretin that thinks he can compete with Jason from Friday the 13th in creepiness. Yeah, so how do we go back to Twilight Town?

Darkly: …...Mmmmm... Darkly get's the sheer feeling that you must have tried entering….. the cursed warp pipe and got spat out a bunch...

Yoshi: Yei, we know! Now tell our asses somethin we don't know before we surgically stitch yo ass to your mouth bitch.

Darkly: Well... You're all in luck because that process is ever so simple! You see, the way around the warp pipe's curse, is to have your name tattooed somewhere... on your body.

Goombella: ... whAt?

Darkly: Darkly said you need a tattoo with your own name on it in order to pass through the warp pipe to Twilight Town so it knows you're not a bot... What? Doesn't every1 have a tattoo with their name on them? How else are you supposed remember your own name?

Koops tried distracting himself with hentai of Miss Krabappel shooting milk enema out of her ass and into Nelson's mouth while he laughed at Bart for getting an F.

Flurrie: A tattoo with my name on it!? Why haven't I thought of such sheer brilliance?

Mario: Wait a sec. Lemmy from Motorhead signed his autograph on my chest today. Can't I just call myself Lemmy from now on and pass then? That's it. From this day forward, my name shall now be known as Lemmy! There. Problem solved.

Darkly: Noooooooo... The ink has to be embedded into your skin in order to function around the warp pipe's curse.

Lemmy- I mean, Mario: But that's dumb!

Darkly: It doesn't matter... it is how it is...

Koops: But... won't getting a tattoo with our names on us only make us seem arrogant?

Darkly: Do you want to enter the pipe or not?

Goombella: Wait, you're not a tattoo guy, are you?

Darkly: Dark sure is. Darkly be the only 1 in the region who is, so Darkly is all you have.

Mario: Alright then. Every1! looks like we're getting tatted!

Darkly: Just a few more condition's I have to warn you all about before I partake in this pppprocedure... . 1st, For this tattoo job, Darkly only has this pin in his hand used for sewing organs, and Darkly isn't 100% sure if it's rusty or not. 2nd, from what you can tell by the title of this sub-chapture, I only do ass tattoos. So brace for that.

Goombella: EWW NO! Can't you just do it on my side!?

Darkly: No. Dark is the only tattoo parlor in the entire region, and he only inks butts... So take it or leave it...

Goombella: So... I have to get... NAKED... in front of my team!?

Mario: Yes you do. And so do we.

Goombella started to panic deep down.

Goombella: Oh man…. I was REALLY HOPING I would never have to resort to this… This is so unfair...

Yoshi: Ah he'll yeah! I'm gettin an ass tattoo right now, nigga! I'm going 1st!

Yoshi pulled down his speedo thing and hopped on the table resting on his stomach.

Yoshi: This ain't gonna hurt is it?

So yeah... the dumb ass Team found themselves in an astounding amount of butt pain after that torturous tattoo procedure where they all screamed, and shouted in agony, and now they all have butt tattoos. If you really care to know the order of who got tatted from 1st to last,, it was Yoshi, than Mario, than Koops, than Goombella, and than Flurrie. Darkly has a weird rule about having people go Z to A alphabetically. Yoshi going 1st was just sheer luck for Darkly to not yell at them and call off the deal over that minor rule.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! DAT SHIT BE ALL PAINFUL AS FUCK ON MY AYASS, BITCH!

Darkly: Not as painful for Darkly….. Though I do admit, normally I would harvest all of your butt cheeks, but I'm already getting paid for this, so I sidest against it.

Mario: WHAT!? I HAVE TO PAY YOU!? FUCK THAT!

Darkly: It's a tattoo job. That's how it always works.

Mario: ... FINE! How much are you begging for?

Darkly: Darkly wants 250 Coins!

Mario: ... FINE! And just so you know, if this doesn't work,so help me, i'm gonna fuck you right in the baby gap! And I'm not talking about the store neither!

Mario handed Darkly the coins.

Darkly: You know, that isn't so much of a threat to Darkly for it sure indeed be a pleasurous offer..

Mario: You're a rip off artist piece of shit that I hope overdoses on chompadil! Come on team, you know the drill! Let's go.

Goombella: Great. Now I have to make absolute sure no 1 ever sees my butt ever again with this stupid ass tattoo! Especially my parents...

Flurrie: Cheer up Goombella. I'd say it makes our butts look hotter.

Goombella: Your opinions matter less and less to me every second you speak!

[Ghettoport Sewers Again]

Now that they figured out how the fuck to enter that fucking pipe, they can now 'you know what' into it now!

Mario: Okay. If this doesn't work, I'm gonna start a 2nd even funnier holocaust. It will be so funny, when Hollywood makes a movie out of it, they'll have me played by Mel Gibson.

Goombella: You have a concerning imagination.

Koops: Hey. This is the most random thing in the world to bring up, but like, when are you gonna put on those new badges Mario?

Mario: Whenever I decide to upgrade my BP.

Koops: But didn't that Charge P badge work recently? You only have 18 BP and there's an extra 1 BP being used for your other badges.

Mario: Oh yeah. You're talking about back in Glitzville? Yeah, I swapped out the Sleepy Stomp badge. That 1 just didn't look very promising to me to be honest.

Koops: Aww man... I was hoping that we we're gonna find out that we don't need to use BP this whole time...

Mario: Well you know video game logic. If you put too many badges on, your body suddenly goes inside out. Now are we gonna bitch and moan and this shit or are we gonna begin the bulk of the new chapture already!

Yoshi: Yei. let's go to dat ghost so I can cap some ghost ass already!

Koops: My butt hurts.

Flurrie: Mine hurts with sheer joy.

Mario: Yes indeed. OFF TO TWATLIGHT TOWN!

[Siren Island]

Meanwhile on some island, some intense family shit was going on.

Beldam was seen excessively assaulting Vivian by smacking her in the face with a balled up fist. Vivian just stood there and took it believing that her older sister is stronger than her.

Vivian: Sis, OUCH! Not to be OUCH rude, but OUCH, Can you OUCH! Explain to OUCH me why OUCH! Hitting me is OUCH! Is helping? OUCH!

Beldam: I'm doing it! Cause of you! Making us! Seem weak! In front of! Grodus again! Learn to! Obey me! You! Slow half-witted BITCH!

Vivian: OUCH! I'M doing the OUCH! Best I OUCH can! OUCH!

Beldam: YOUR BEST! IS SHIT! Do Yoou! Think I like! Wasting my! Energy on! Beating you up! When I! Could be! Shooting Heroin!? Cause I do! Your lucky! I sided against! Grodus on! Killing you! Yesterday!

Marilyn was busy swallowing a Great White Shark from the ocean whole. It was already halfway down her mouth.

Vivian: You did? OUCH!

Beldam: Don't get! The wrong! Idea! You're j-j-j-j-j-just! a mere object! to me! I choose! The possessions! I please! *inhales gasoline* You're not even a sister to me. To me, you're just a mere object, perhaps a coffee maker of some sorts! A broken 1 I'm trying to fix right now! Really, your only good for either being my shield, and as an extra hands to do my bidding! AND NOTHING MORE! Especially for our new mission! UNDERSTOOD!?

Vivian: Yehehehehssssss... OUCH! I'M OUCH! SORRY! OUCH! OUCH!

Beldam continued to violently attack the endangered shadow thing as Marilyn was licking the sand for dessert..

Chapture 5 - 7: The Twilight Zone

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 8:32 PM, clear sky dusk and 64 Degrees F]

[Twilight Town]

After the unpleasant 8 hour warp pipe ride that ACTUALLY worked this time, the retarded team was shot out smack dab into the town of the Twilight Zone. And not the 1 you might be thinking of. Oh right! I almost forgot, you might want another description apart from the map's vague description. So, there are ded autumn looking trees with racist looking crows sitting on them, old houses that look like they're eastern european styled, I can't tell if the grass is orange from some kind of stupid drought or if the glow of the oddly magenta colored sunset that doesn't normally happen is responsible for the grass color. The moon was abnormally large. Almost as if it was about to crash on the earth like Majora's mask or like in my favorite anime that I mention from time to that I don't wanna mention right now on account that I'd be ashamed to give spoilers of. It's probably just for horror effects or some shit though.

Mario: HA-FUCKING-ZA! WE MADE IT!

Goombella: Wow... This place actually doesn't smell like a nazile holocaust for 1ce! It actually kind of smells like pigs for some reason, but that's not nearly as offensive as some the other smells in this region we've had to put up with lately.

Yoshi: Yep... dis shit definitely looks haunted as fuck right here. Guess imma have to kick some cracka ass ghost ass up in here

Flurrie: This is duly where I plan to make my horror porn flick when I get to it. Perhaps FLurrie shall mate with some of the crows around here for inspiration.

Flurrie started drooling at the thought of it.

Koops: Err... This place already gives me the heeby jeebies... Mrrrr...

Mario: Yeah. It is a little on the creepy side I guess. It's almost as creepy as the Millennium Star.

Yoshi: Who dat?

Goombella: Wait, that silver star from your Mario Party 3 game?

Mario: Yeah! That star got caught with child porn on his desktop by the feds soon after the game came out. Now he has to go door to door addressing that he's a pedder-ass. That is why we will never see him again. Couldn't you tell by his pervy mustache?

Koops: ... No?

Goombella: Well, your 1 to talk with your mustache.

Mario: That's different. I have facial hair all over my face. It's not as weird looking that way.

Goombella: Right, except you DO only have the mustache!

Mario: Oh shit. You're right. But still, it's not like i'm a registered pe...do... Oh shit. I'm suddenly remembering how I got fired from my plumbing job. Well it's not like I raped her or anything. I mean, I was going to, yeah, but that's because I thought she was 18 so that's okay.

Goombella: ... wow.

A random sackboy that was mindlessly staring at Team M stopped staring at them and finally decided to walk up to them to introduce himself.

Freddy (Age 30): Howdy! You all must be the new travelers. I know, cause I saw you 5 pop out of the warp pipe a minute ago. It's been a long time since we've gotten some of your kind.

Mario: Oh great. Another organ harvester. *sigh* Do I have to kill you?

Freddy: No man. I'm not an organ harvester. My name's Freddy. And you must be thinking of my mentally ill brother, Darkly that actually got banned from Twilight Town for making light switches out of stuffed baby penises. Yeah don't worry. Most of us Sackboy's aren't like that. It's just a crude stereotype started by him. I mean, I like to look at things. I mean, alot actually. Speaking of looking at things, I notice you all are an inner special gang of strange, yet badass adventures. Hmmm... I can't tell exactly if you came at a bad time, or the best possible time ever.

Yoshi: Whatchu talkin bout Freddy?

A big ass loud annoying ear killing sound of an Air Horn started blasting from miles away.

Koops: OUCHERZ! THAT REALLY HURTS MY EARS A TON! GEE-FUCKING-WIZZ!

Mario: IT'S GIVING ME EAR CANCER!

Flurrie: UHHH! UUUUUHHH! UUUUUUUUUH! I JUST CAME!

The sound suddenly stopped.

Freddy: Yeah... that sound has been going off alot since yesterday since that whole Glitzville hype. I don't know if the 2 are related though. Which reminds me, you kind of look like that Gonzales guy who started all the big controversial Glitzville hype after summoning Jeffery Dahmer. Sorry, I'm getting off track. But yeah, every time that sound goes off, 1 of our villagers gets turned into a pig. And I think the sound is becoming more and more excessive lately.

Goombella: Wait, repeat that. You said people are turning into pigs?

Freddy: Well yeah. Look around.

Team M looked around noticing half the town being populated with pigs with red glowing eyes.

Koops: WOW! That sure does explain why it smells like pigs here! Shucks!

Flurrie: All the more material for my horror porn. I think I'll have a swine snuff out my truffle while he porks me in the slop...

Mario: Wait, I have a question, THat's retarded!

Goombella: THat's... Not a question.

Freddy: We don't know what's causing it, but iincase it's a religious thing, we started sacrificing our virgins to see if the curse will stop. No luck so far…

The scene briefly panned to a sacrifice in the middle of the town where a bunch of sack people were standing around waiting for a 10 year old sack girl to get her head decapitated by a giant pair of scissors similar to the 1 from Kill La Kill.

The Mayor of Sack People (Age 73): We're here to offer another dark soul to the gods so they can stop turning us into pigs blah blah blah let's get on with this shit already.

Little sack girl (Age 11): MOMMY!

She was 11. Mybad.

The Victorian Masked Executioner did the job and cut off the little girl's head off with the scissors making her bleed of cotton and gore. Gore that was also made out of cotton.

Freddy: ... Unfortunately, only our town's children are virgins so we have very little material left to work with. Actually, the virginity thing doesn't matter. We just use that as an excuse cause people who are getting laid matter way more.

The Air horn blasted again.

Flurrie: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH! I JUST CAME AGAIN!

Suddenly, Freddy turned into a fucking pig.

Pig Freddy: Oink oink.

Yoshi: Ah hell naw nigga! He be all porky and shit!

Mario: This pig shit is starting to make me hungry.

Flurrie: Don't you mean horny?

Mario: ... No. I don't.

The Amish seeming Mayor walked up to the confused troubled team with eyebrows that cover his eyes similar to Mayor Kroop. He can see as well. His skin is turquoise (greenish blue for idiots who don't know color or for you color blind people who totally know what turquoise is i'm a dick). He was worn out and had a big ass gash of bleeding cotton sticking out of his head which might have to do with his potential mental state. We'll see.

The Mayor of Sack People: OH GOD BADNESS! NOT MY FAVORITE SON, FREDDY! I named him after the character from Nightmare on Elm Street... And I *sniff* really like that movie too...

Yoshi: Damn! Yo ass be lookin OLD G! You gotta DO somethin bout dat!

Mario: Shit. Another old person in the story. Great... WHat are you? Like the 10th or 11th 1?

The Mayor of Sack People: I am the mayor of this fucked up pig town. Though from what you can tell from my opened head wound, I'm indeed be pretty stupid. But despite being so stupid, I think I can tell you fine gentlemen are adventurers, right?

Flurrie: We are of many things... I'm just curious. Do you ever do pleasuresome things with your opened head wound?

The Mayor of Sack People: I do indeed. Say, speaking of sexually related things? Do any of y'all happen to be virgins?

Mario: Goombella and Yoshi! Do not answer that question!

Goombella: How do you even know that I'm a-

Mario: SHUT UP, STUPID!

Goombella: Pfft. Great... Apparently I'm the stupid 1 now… Yeah right.

The Mayor of Sack People: Hmm... Why don't chu-all come to my home. I have pretzels in a bowl for guests.

Mario: I don't know... Last time I talked to an old guy with a southern accent, he turned out to be the boss I had to fight last chapture.

The Mayor of Sack People: Nonsense! You're safe with me. Now come! I promise y'all will remain in 1 piece.

Mario: Now you're making me feel more suspicious…

Koops was distracting himself with watching Blue Man Group hentai on his phone.

[The Mayor's pad]

The Mayor of Sack People: Welcome the my shitty home of my shitty depressing town where every1 and everything dies. I must say, you travellers have a weird taste of places to check out seeing as though you're in this dump. This town fucking sucks rat shit, it's almost as poor as Eastern Europe, and I can't fucking figure out the scientific biology of how our ragdoll looking race is even alive.

Flurrie was distracted as she was devouring all of the pretzels like a gross slob getting crumbs everywhere. Including all over her face.

Mario: So apart from people turning into pigs, this town just sucks in general? Yep. Doesn't phase me.

The Mayor of Sack People: Welp, you guessed it alright. This town sure is cursed.

Koops: Cursed!? Oh Flopping Flounders! I'm shaking in the short's just thinking about it...

Mario: Wasn't it obvious already that this town had a pig curse?

Koops: I'm just gonna play with some bubble wrap to ease my consciousness.

Goombella: You have bubble wrap? Why?

Koops: Remember the bubble wrap that came with the tobacco pipe we bought for Zess T? I kept it for safe keeping just incase I got REALLY nervous.

Goombella: You kept it on you the whole time? Alright then. So Mayor, tell us about this curse.

The Mayor of Sack People: Yes, curse. That is the right word, right? Let me check my dictionary just incase.

Goombella: No. You're right.

The Mayor of Sack People: Good. Cause I can't read cause of the hole in my head. You see... Most people don't know the truth cause I don't feel like telling them, but beyond this town, be of a haunted looking forest. Wait, they know about the forest. But what they don't know, is that in this forest contains an old ass weird building, known as the Creepy Steeple. A bizarre demon thing lives inside of there... It's curse ordains that when the loud air horn rings... Any1 living here in the village automatically ...becomes a swine. Oh such a cruel fate for this already cruel world of ours. Like a withering leaf in a cold autumn dusk. Sorry, I'm taking an online class on poetic symbolism.

Yoshi: So you sayin dat some demon nigga be cursing all y'all motha fuckaz? Dat shits messed up. No. Scratch dat. Dat's FUCKED up! If dat nigg ass bitch even try and curse me, I'll be all like "AY BITCH! JUST WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU DOIN TRYIN' TO CURSE MAH ASS, BITCH! I'LL COME OVER THERE AND PULL OUT A BLAP BLAP AND MAKE YOU BLEED ON YO NEW ASS RUG N SHIT!" Then I'll be like, "YEAH! DAT'S WHATCHU GET FOR TRYIN TO CURSE MAH ASS BITCH! AND GUESS WHAT BITCH!? I'M ALSO HERE TO FUCK YOUR WIFE! LONG DICK STYLE!" And I be all fuckin his wife on his new rug and shit! And he gonna cry and I'll be all like, "YEAH! WHAT!? YOU A FUCK BITCH NIGGA ASS BITCH FOR CRYING AND BLEEDING YO ASS ON THE FLOOR LIKE A WORTHLESS BITCH ASS FOOL! YEI! I FUCKED YO WIFE BALLZ DEEP, BITCH! HOW BOUT DAT!?"

Mario: Sooooo... Your plan is Murder-Cucking? Alright. Cool!

The Mayor of Sack People: Though no 1 knows why he's doing this, it is believed to be for the sake of mindless trolling. I worry though. Will I, too, become a curly-tailed hog named "Oinky Doinky?" Thinking about it keeps me up at night. That, and insomnia of course. But you know, night and day are pretty similar here since the sky just stays like this despite the astrological science of orbit. If this keeps up...well...there's gonna be more pigs in this town than in a Dunkin Donuts. But let me give you some advice to spare you. Leave the Twilight Zone! Leave before you too, get...piggified! I really should be taking my own advice right now, but since i'm mayor, I really can't. I don't even know why I'm even the fucking mayor anyway. I lost a super bowl bet in 1997, and since then, i've been stuck in the shittiest town of the region. And can some1 tell the fat partner to stop making a mess with my pretzels? And the stupid Koopa to stop popping bubble wrap? It's annoying!

Goombella sneakingly grabbed a book of Twilight Town's history while the Mayor was going on his spiel. You know, so she can educate herself!

Flurrie and Koops: What?

Mario: Welp, guess what? we're Team M, and Team M member are main characters. Meaning that curse shit aint gonna happen to us. So HA!

Mario taunted the Mayor by throwing his chair he was sitting on at the shelf with all of his expensive shit breaking glass everywhere.

Mario: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Yoshi: YOU GO GONZALES!

Goombella: That was the most unnecessary violent thing you've done so far.

Mario: It's up there.

Goombella: So wait, I have to ask Mayor. We're looking for something important. By any chance, are yoou familiar with these ancient majical artifacts called the 7 Dedly Stars?

The Mayor of Sack People: I have no idea, but I'm guessing if they are majical, than 1 of them is in that Steeple I was just talking about.

Mario: Well yeah. On our map, it shows the star we're looking for in that building you just described sort of. That's all we're really after. I mean, you guys can go pork yourselves for all I care! Get it? HA! Alright we know where to go now! Team M off!

The Treacherous Team got off their Team M asses to head towards the star or some shit like that.

The Mayor of Sack People: Wait! Uh... You people... You aren't thinking about going to Creepy Steeple, are you?! You stupid retards! I'll forbid it! You hear!? FORBID IT!

Mario: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! SO FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU HAAAAAARD!

Mario: OH, AND B. ,

Mario smashed down the Mayor's door.

Mario: Everybody gets 1!

[Twilight Town]

Mario: So, what do you guys wanna do now?

Goombella: I don't know. How about we head off to find the star like you implied we would do!

Koops was distracting himself with bubble wrap some more.

Mario: Yeah, but don't you guys wanna explore this place a little? I mean, if you're worried about us turning into pig's, you're worrying about nothing. Let me remind you that we're actually important characters. Therefor we're immune.

The Air Horn blasted yet again.

Yoshi: AH FUCK! MY EARS!

Flurrie: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Flurrie orgasmed again.

Goombella: Flurrie! Why the fuck do you keep cuming to that CRINGING sound!?

Flurrie: CUZ AIR HORN'S TURN ME ON!

Voice: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Mario: Oh noo... you guys hear that? Let's check it out... woo...

Goombella: What's with the sarcasm?

Mario: Probably. Let's just check out all the commission.

Team M entered the loud house to find Koops' dad aka Kooply fucking a random sack girl that is now a pig since the air horn rang and all. Maybe I should have named the chapture "From whom the Air Horn Tolls." Nah, I like the way it is.

Kooply: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

Koops: AH DAAAAADD! COME ON! BLEEEERG!

Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Mario: Oh hey Koops! It's your dad again. And now he's fucking a pig!

Koops: Errrrr... I know! I fucking see him doing it!

Kooply: Oh! Hey guys! Hey son! We sure have been running into eachother alot lately have we. How's it hanging!?

Koops: Daaaad, what are you doing here!?

Yoshi: And why you porkin' dat pork?

Flurrie: And why wasn't Flurrie invited?

Kooply: Oh. Well the answer is simple... you see, the bitch was a sack girl a minute ago. Next thing I knew, an air horn blew off and suddenly, SHE TURNED INTO A FREAKING PIG!

Mario: And you... are aware you're still inside of her, right?

Kooply: Yes I am.

Kooply was standing with that proud pose he does while his penis was inside of the female pig's fuck hole.

Kooply: Ay Koops. Stop covering your eyes and sit next to where i'm standing.

Koops: But you're naked!

Kooply: Don't think about it son! I'm your dad. This should be normal for you! Have a seat. Let me give you some advice.

Koops: Mrr...

Koops sat next to Kooply.

Father son bonding music played in the background.

Kooply: Son, sometimes... when you go to a strange haunted like village, you have to prepare for the woman you're performing coitus on... to not get cursed. Otherwise, you're left fucking a pig. And sometimes, fucking a pig, just isn't what you'd have in mind. But when things like that happen, sometimes… you just have to roll with it. Cause for all you know, going with that decision may just be the best damn decision you will ever make in your life.

Koops: Mrr... Gee... Thank's dad... grrrrr... reeerrrrrrr...

Goombella: You're... not really gonna have sex with that animal now, are you?

Kooply: Welp, you know what they say, vadgelly is vadgelly. Sooooooo... I guess you guys can stay if you want, but I should warn you all right now. I am going, to fuck, this pig.

Mario: Yeah... I think we're just gonna... head off now... yeah...

Mario and his team minus Flurrie left.

Flurrie: So, care for a Madame Flurrie Fudgetastic 3 way-

Mario: Flurrie! Come on! We have shit to do!

Flurrie: So do I!

Mario: Shut up and get your ugly fan hated ass over here!

Meanwhile back outside.

Yoshi: Man, how the fuck does that Koops' dad guy travel around so quickly!? He be like everywhere!

Goombella: Yeah. What do you say we head out to the steeple now while we still can?

Mario: What did the mayor say it was called? The... Crappy Steeple? I think that's what it was called.

Koops suddenly reached his hand down Mario's inventory area. Which you might be visualizing alot of different shit in order to picture what i'm talking about.

Mario: What the, Koops! What are you doing!?

Koops randomly grabbed 1 of Mario's Earth LSDs and swallowed the drug. In other words. Koops just took acid. And caused a minor earthquake that did absolutely no damage since there was no [BATTLE MODE].

Mario: KOOPS! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!

Koops: What?

Goombella: What do you mean "What?" You just took acid!

Flurrie: Wait, I don't believe we're in battle mode just yet exactly... Flurrie is ever so confused...

Koops: Yeah, so?

Goombella: Well it's not [BATTLE MODE]. So why the HELL would you do that!?

Koops: I don't know. I just did it. No reason I guess.

Mario: NO 1 TAKES ACID FOR NO REASON YOU STUPID FUCK!

Koops: Well I don't know. I guess I just did it, that's all.

Mario: Well what? Did you think is it was fucking candy like always!?

Koops: No. I knew it was acid.

Goombella: I still don't get why you just dropped acid just now...

Koops: Like I said, I don't know. Get off my back.

Goombella: Is it because of the whole dad incident?

Koops: I have no idea. I just wanted to try acid.

Mario: So you were curious then?

Koops: I don't know.

Goombella: OH MY GOD! Will you please stop being so vague about this!?

Mario: Oh man. This is really bad.

Goombella: What? What is!?

Mario: Well, normally when I do drugs, I'm pretty fucked up. Koops however clearly has never done any hard drugs before so he's gonna be in a whole new level of crazy and fucked up that none of you are ready to handle. Plus, normally LSD takes longer to take affect on people who've never taken it before, but since this is Earth LSD, he's gonna be tripping into some serious ball pits probably as soon as the next sub-chapture starts. Maybe even earlier.

Yoshi: Damn. So he like, gonna be literally cray cray I bet.

Mario: Correct. Not to mention we're gonna be traveling through a spooky forest. So when you think about it, that's the worst scenario I can possibly think of to try acid. Especially if you've never done it before. There won't be any telling if he's hallucinating or not cause of the already trippy forest. It's just a really bad mix. And if i'm saying this, you know I'm not fucking around.

Goombella: Ah jeez... I don't fucking believe this. Koops! What the fuck were you thinking taking acid of all times to do it!?

Koops: Whatever.

Goombella: Ugg... I really can't talk to you when you're acting like this. So wait, what do we do now Mario?

Mario: Do what we have yet to have done all chapture. Stalk up on items.

[Twilight Sparkles]

They made their way into a shop known as "Twilight Sparkles". No joke, that's actually the name of this town's store. Luckily, Twilight Town is so unpopular to the point where they aint getting sued for using that name as their item shop. But yeah, unlike Team M's normal shopping sprees, some cursed trouble be brewing up a sad shit storm.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper (Age 29): Oh, a customer... Sniff... I'm sorry... We're not open right now. Sniff...

Mario: Then WHY didn't you lock the damn door!?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: We did... you just busted through it...

Mario: Oh yeah... hehe. I guess I did!

Koops: Wait, I uhh... like uhh... have a question, what's with the uhh... oh yeah. Crying?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Crying? No... I just... have allergies... ACHUUUU!

The troubled shopkeeper sneezed up slimey wads of cotton all over that floor.

Flurrie: Clean up crew!

Flurrie rolled around in the mucus like a canine on trash instead of licking it up like what I thought would happen. Although she did make for a great sponge for the green cotton slime.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: But... yeah... I guess I am... CRYYYYYYYYYYYING! WAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!I!i!

Koops: Gosh Gulikers! Aren't you gonna answer my question about why you're crying?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Oh... right... My husband... last night... was turned into a pig. A fucking... pig...

Flurrie: Why that isn't so bad.

Yoshi: Dats messed up!

Koops: Oh. THat's why there's a pig walking around in the store. I forgot about the curse.

Goombella: Well whatever then. Lets leave this bitch be. In that case... I guess we should get going.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Sniff... It's kind of a long story... You see, my husband… he went to the woods yesterday to collect herbs... By herbs, you know what I really mean "wink wink." 1 day, the air horn rang, and a slimy pig came home instead of my husband. I mean, he is my husband because of his back tattoo that he got of the time when he got that tattoo "1:36." Or was it "8:03"? I forget. So anyways, I was so pissed. Yet, it was kind of funny in a coincidentally ironic way because we got into a fight because we kept going to restaurants and he kept putting coins into the waitresses cleavage holes as tips and making comments saying things like "woman are only good for doing jobs like cooking, cleaning, stripping, fucking, and best used as target practice for the NRA." So I called him a chauvinistic pig. And so you can see why it's remotely funny why my sexist husband turned into a pig. But it sucks cause what am I gonna do? Fuck a pig!? Hell no! But don't get the wrong idea, he does have a sweet side too… I think. On my birthday, he buys watermelon scented air fresheners to stimulate our sack life, y'know what I mean? Y'know what I'm sayin? Heeehee. And when customers are trying to steal or give us coins they've used as butt wipes, he stabs them in the face and makes it look like an accident in such a manly way y'kow what I'm sayin? Plus his family is rich so when he dies, I'll be rich y'know what I'm sayin? I just wish he wouldn't dig into our savings to make Coca Cola mixed with Genuine Draft so much. He likes soda mixed with beer, but I think it's nasty y'know what I'm sayin? And every time he dried his underwear in the ventilation system, it makes the whole place smell like his smelly sack odors and sometimes, I just wanna tie him up, and hit him with a bottle in a forest y'know what I'm sayin? He keeps drinking milk from the carton and getting grimy backwash into it, y'know what I'm sayin? Sometimes he even washes his socks in the milk making them both smell like bad milk mixed with BO y'know what I'm sayin!? And worst of all, he makes us take public transportation almost everyday. I get into a fight with homeless people because I'm trying to steal their change cups for our business y'know what I'm sayin? Actually, no wait, THIS IS the worst part. The Little Big Planet Levels he makes for me... THEY'RE TOO FRIKKIN EASY! Why does he have so many flaws? I mean, I don't have any faults. I'm awesome y'know what I'm sayin? Y'KNOW WHAT I'M FUCKING SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYING! HEY! ARE YOU 5 EVEN LISTENING TO MY STORY!?

Most of Team M woke up almost as if they were listening to a Luigi story. Accept for Yoshi who couldn't fall asleep as he was banging his head on the wall as he was frustratingly waiting for that dumb shit to end. His head was kind of bleeding.

Yoshi: SOME1 ABORT ME DAMNIT!

Mario: Whoa… what's going on?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: WERE YOU NOT LISTENING OR SOMETHING!?

Mario: NO WE WEREN'T YOU CUCKING FUNT! You're the worst fucking sales woman ever!

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: So you didn't listen to my story huh? We'll in that case, you need to leave. Good bye.

Mario: Soo... You're not gonna sell us any items then?

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Fuck you! No! Plus, even if I wanted to, they're locked up behind the door we can't find the key to it for some reason. My husband brought it with him to the woods yesterday and since he's a fucking pig, we can't sell shit unless we had the key.

Mario: Whatever. Your place is a piece of shit and you should get hit by a parked car and kill yourself! Come on team! You know the drill! Let's leave this dump!

Mario woke every1 else up.

Goombella: What's… going on now?

Mario: WE'RE GOING!

[Twilight Town]

Mario and his ridiculous friends left the useless store and continued to explore the town a little bit more. Like Mario said, you know the drill!

Mario: Man! I should have smashed a hole through there and grabbed all of the items myself.

Goombella: I'll say. Hey guys! I've been reading this book on Twilight Town! Did you know that in the 1400s, this crazy old shopkeeper of a clothes store stitched a bunch of rag dolls out of the clothes he was selling and dipped them in a juice made of toxic waste and jizz which majically brought them to life? And then soon after, they killed all of the humans that live in the town and since then, this town has been full of sack people with the powers to reproduce somehow. I need to look up how that do it. I'm oddly curious.

Flurrie: Curiosity is always good when it comes to the act of mating.

Goombella: No. It's just interesting cuz of of their biology. It's crazy, cuz the more I read these history books, the more I notice how there used to be more humans in the past. Between them all getting killed off by things, and mutating into toads and all. But anyway, Koops, how are you doing? You're not tripping yet, are you?

Koops: Uhh... I don't know. I guess i'm fine. This place makes me feel a little jinkeez, but it's cool beans.

Yoshi: Yeah, but I just gotta throw this out there. If 1 of you turn into a pig right now, I'll go to that demon thing's crib and be all like "AY! BITCH! I HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHA FUCKIN PIGS IN THIS MOTHA FUCKIN TOWN!" AND THEN I'LL SMACK HIM SILLY! SO SILLY HIS ASS GON' BE DROPPED FROM ALL THAT LAUGHING! LIKE HE AIN'T GONNA BREATHE OR NOTHIN! AND THEN YOU GUYS WILL TURN BACK AND SHIT! AND WE BE KICKIN HIS DED PIG LOVIN ASS DEDDER. WE'LL BE ALL LIKE, "YOU LIKE THAT BITCH!? HUH!? LIKE DAT!?" AND THEN, THEN WE'LL SMOKE ALL HIS WEED FOR REAL NIGGA! YEI! AND THEN I'LL BE ALL LIKE "AND YOU KNOW WHAT!? BRING BACK THE FRESH PRINCE OF BELAIR! THAT SHIT WAS DOPE, YO!"

Goombella: Jeez Yoshi, you really like going on those shpeals about kicking the demon's ass huh.

Yoshi: Bitch! What you mean bein all sarcastic and shit!? Pigs just piss me off the fuck off G! As you know, a pig stole me from a nest and tried makin a hot dog out of mah ass! So fuck da Pigs! You got a problem with dat, well you can just suck it Bitch! Straight up G!

Dupree the blue disco dog thing suddenly appeared out of the fucking shadows like some kind of perverted rapist.

Dupree: Ho ho ho... Puissions-nous rencontrer à nouveau mon équipe errotic de sexies.

Goombella: Ugg... Speaking of pigs. We got 1 at 12 O'Clock.

Yoshi: Why is he missing an eye and arm?

Mario: Oh you know. Past experiences.

Yoshi: Gotcha.

Durpee: Plus que les expériences moyenne. Je également tombé dans l'eau après avoir été frappé au large Glitzville. Une mort sexy de la mort. Mais je pardonne si peut-être vous me donnez la fleur de la fille Goomba. Et en fleur, je veux dire la virginité ...

Dupree started doing sexual groping gestures while doing a kissing the air expression.

Goombella: Oh my god! Why is every1 suddenly assuming i'm a virgin today!?

Flurrie: Cause it's true honey. I can smell your Goomba haimen from here...

Goombella: Then stop it! It's none of your business!

Dupree: Mmmm ... Alors peut I.

Goombella: Ehh... Go for Flurrie! She seems into it.

Flurrie: Oh... you know I am.

Yoshi: Man, what kind of jibber jabber are you fuckasses speaking now?

Mario: It's this dumb language every1 is obsessed with called "French." I know, I don't get it either.

Koops: Samezees!

Dupree: Ahhh ... Je pense que je vais passer ... pour vous voyez, je ne suis pas d'humeur à les hippopotames flottants aujourd'hui. Maintenant, si le charmant petit chou va rouler avec moi comme un cochon dans une couverture et faire des choses du sexe à mon trou de bras de fourreau. Ce sera la plus houle.

The Air horn suddenly rang transforming Dupree into a French crippled pig with 3 legs.

Flurrie: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHo-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-ye-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-hessssssssssssssssssssss...

Flurrie squirted nasty vaginal fluids shooting directly in Koops' face.

Koops:... ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHJ! GET IT OFF! GET IT OOOOOHAHAHAAFFFFFFFFFFF!

Koops started running and rolling around trying to get the nearly toxic gummy hole juice off his dumb face.

Yoshi: Yo look! his french speakin ass just turned into a pig!

Goombella: HA! SERVES HIM RIGHT!

Mario: Yeah. Oh, I almost forgot.

Mario walked up to pig Dupree, and dug his manly fingers deep into his back, and ripped a giant chunk of his pig flesh off his back. Any of you seen that episode of Aqua Teen with the talking trees? If so, you know which scene to imagine. That's how painful it was.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! DAT RAW AS HELL! LITERALLY!

Goombella: AWW SICK! WHY DID YOU NEED TO DO THAT!?

Mario: We have food now. *takes bite out of the raw back ham* Now let's find a house to cook it in.

Koops: Maybe they'll have a bathroom to wipe this goop off my face too.

Goombella: So we're disregarding the ethics of breaking into random houses again? Alright...

The crazy ass irresponsible Team M entered a random house hoping to find a stove to cook some french back bacon. Instead, there was a mother with 3 annoying sack children you'd just wanna leave in the washing machine until they die.

Sack Kid 1 (Age 9): MOMMY! I'M HUNGEY! CAN I SUCK ON YOUR TITS!?

Sack Kid 2 (Age 6): MAAAAAAAAAAAAM! CAN YOU SMELL MY PEE PEE!?

Sack Kid 3 (Age 5): MADRE! WHEN DOES LITTLE BIG PLANET 5 COME OUT!?

Sack Mom (Age 50): I told you Sack Kid 3! Little Big Planet 4 has to come out 1st before 5 does!

Mario: EXCUSE ME! We're here to cook some bacon *takes another raw bite out of it* Would you mind... . you know... helping us out some?

Koops: Did you just eat a raw bite out of that ham again?

Sack Mom: Sorry sir. We haven't been able to pay our electric bills since my husband turned into a pig.

Yoshi: Damn! You too!? That bitch must be goin after the dudes 1st! If dat creep goes after me, I'll be all-

Sack Mom: Say, speaking of food, by any chance, do you not-so-kind travelers have some spare food you would be ever so kind to offer my family and I?

Goombella: ...mmmmmm...uhh….. Gosh... I would, but-

Mario: No.

Goombella: That's why.

Sack Mom: Please... I'm sorry to beg like a filthy hobo, but we're starving, and we can really use some food. My tits are all dried out and we don't even have piss or furniture. So please. If you can find it in your heart, I can give you some shooting star dust.

Mario: SHOOTING STAR DUST!?

Sack Mom: ...Yeah, I used to be in a rock band with this guy I used to date. I think he's a bartender in Ghettoport now. But before I go off into that, I have some Star Dust that I've been saving for 20 long years.

Mario: Sounds like a plan! Here! *takes a 3rd bite* Take the rest of my wad of raw ham!

Sack Mom: Oh really!? Thank you! Thank you so much sir!

Flurrie: Has any1 ever told you that you have very sexually appealing childre-

Mario: Flurrie! Stop being a pedofork! We're discussing business right here!

Mario: But here! Take-ith my meat! And I mean literal meat this time!

Mario chucked the wad of juicy pig flesh at the Mom's face.

Sack Mom: Thank you so much! Now we don't have to resort to eating Sack Kid 2! You think I'm kidding doncha?

Flurrie: I'll eat him in any way you want me to!

Goombella: FLURRIE!

Mario: Now about that star dust...

Sack Mom: Yes. Of course. Here you are.

The fat old ass sack mom handed Mario the Shooting Star Dust where he got so excited, he held it up above his arms like Link. DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Yes, i'm recycling that joke like I have with many others. Deal with it!

Koops: Soo... none of you mind that it's raw?

Sack Mom: Nonsense, I get to teach my kids what it's like to be on tour. So it will be fun!

Mario: Cool! Alright, this definitely made the trip worth it so far. So I think I'm the mood to head off to the wilderness! This town's boring the fuck out of me with all of it's weariness.

Goombella: Finally!

The Bell... I mean, air horn rang again turning the sack mom into a pig.

Sack Kid 1: MOMMY!

Sack Kid 2: YOU'RE A PIG!

Sack Kid 3: I HAVE TO KILL MYSELF BEFORE KIDS MAKE FUN OF ME FOR HAVING A PIG MOM!

Flurrie: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MMYYYYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS! SUCH AMAZING ORGASMSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Mario: We should go...

Team Mother-Fuckers left the house and almost left the town, but encountered an annoying gatekeeper that kept them from leaving shit. Man, this chapture is reminding me more and more of Chapture 2 minute by minute. Accept unlike that chapture, they're using an ACTUAL gate that's not a shitty branch.

Mario: Sup Gate Guard!? Any chance that you're not going to be a fucking faggot by letting us enter zi woods?

Gate Faggot Guard (Age 26): Well judging by my name, NO!

Mario: Oh GOD DAMNIT! You gotta be shitting me! What do I have to do? Un-sew you?

Koops: I'm starting to feel a little off the wall guys… I keep feeling like the ground is about to crack everytime I take a step.

Gate Faggot Guard: Welp, like it or not, a nasty monster lives in those woods. Like, I'm serious and stuff. That's what The Mayor said at least. And if you're really crazy stupid enough to go into the haunted forest even after hearing that, then you need permission from the mayor himself!

Mario: Oh that ass hat!? That's complete and utter bullshit! Chiche ass bullshit at that! I should kill you instead and make it look like a suicide for being such an annoying bitch!

Yoshi: Yei man! we gotta ice some demon pig turnin niggas up in here!

Flurrie was busy fingering her ears to see if they can orgasm.

Gate Faggot Guard: Just ask the Mayor for permission and leave, you stupid Wop!

Mario: You're a stupid faggot spik kike of a guard! You know that!?

Goombella: Dammit Mario, is that nesses-

Mario: "Nya nya nyananaaah?" YES IT IS!

Mario and pals walked to the Mayor's pad.

Goombella: Hey! In this book, did you know that the sack people are so depressed naturally, that they sweat out an odor that pollutes the air into making it look like it's sunset or night time at all times? I swear, this is NO continuity to this anatomy.

Mario: Alright, we know the other drill, if the Mayor says no, Flurrie will rape him till he says yes.

Flurrie: Mmmmm... Such a marvelous pimp you are Mario.

Yoshi: Maaaan can't we just have her rape the gate guard!? Or better yet, we can simply just beat his ass!? Cuz I think that shit sounds quick as fuck.

Flurrie: Stop giving him ideas! I have a rape fetish you know!

Goombella: You have, EVERY FETISH!

Mario busted down the mayor's door as his usual tactic of disregarding door construction.

The Mayor of Sack People: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY DOOR!

The Air horn rang yet again!

Flurrie: MMMMMMMMMM! OH YES! OH YESSS! I HAVEN'T CAME THIS MUCH SINCE THE REAGANOMICS!

The Mayor indeed turned into a swine this time.

Mario: ... Alright! Yoshi had the right idea! PLAN B, Flurrie raping the Gate Faggot Guard!

Flurrie: SCORE!

The team walked back to the Gate Faggot Guard as if that gate faggot shit didn't gate faggot matter!

Mario: Alright Flurrie, I'd tell you to get your rape face on, but you clearly have a rape face as your default facial expression anyway, so you're way ahead of me.

Flurrie: Always do captain!

Mario: Hey, Gate Faggot Guard! You're about to get rape-

THe air horn range 1ce more turning the gate faggot guard into a gate faggier pig.

Flurrie: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!11i!i!11!11!1!1!1! THE HORN MAKES ME HORNAY!

Gate Faggot Pig: Oink...

Mario: HAZA! THE GATE FAGGOT RETARD TURNED INTO A GATE FAGGOT PIG! YOU WHAT THAT MEANS!? OFF TO THE NEXT SUB CHAPTURE WE GO!

Flurrie: Aww... can I still fuck the pig?

Mario: ... Fine... I guess you've earned it.

Flurrie: Yippy! THanks Mario!

Koops: Whoa... my hand's are... touching... uuuggghhhh... whoa... they can feel touch... the colors... I feel like sonic... colors.

Goombella: Oh great... Koops is already tripping on acid, and Flurrie's getting jiggy with a piggy. This sucks...

Yoshi: You can suck it!

Chapture 5 - 8: Electric Kool Aid Twilight Test

[Twilight Trail]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 9:14 PM, night time and 64 Degrees F]

After Flurrie raped a pig, the stupid team finally made it into the treacherous woods off to see more fucked up shit then you're sick minds would ever wanna hear about.

Koops: KUKAAAAH! KUKAAAAH!

Yoshi: Dayamn... Dis shit bee spooky as hell out in here in shit.

Mario: Ehh... Kind of. But I'd say it's a bit more on the cheesy side. Almost like watching an episode of Scooby Doo.

Goombella: Uggg... Please don't bring up that name right now. On my news feed, I keep hearing about their 12th reboot called "Be Cool Scooby Doo" It already looks painfully awful. Like, look! Here's some screenshots of it.

Goombella pulled up a grotesque screenshot of Be Cool Scooby Doo for Mario.

Mario: OH WHAT TH- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGGGGG! WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT!? It's like they're trying to go for a Family Guy art style! But worse! Sick!

Goombella: I know right!? Look at how their lags are shaped too!

Mario: That Scooby Doo shit was only good in the 70s! Seriously! That series needs to die in the way where they need to finish off Scooby by having him fucking euthanised!

Goombella: I'll say...

Yoshi: Yo man! What's Koops doing G?

Koops was doing a weird breathing thing while was moving his hands like master hand and crazy hand.

Koops: huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Mario: THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, RETARD!?

Koops: Co- uhh... cooo... connect with... spirit...

Mario: Damn... I remember when I was that high...

Goombella: Are you sure he'll be alright?

Mario: Yeah. It's just gonna be hard dealing with his ass while on this mission cause we're, you know, IN A HAUNTED FOREST! So like I said, it's gonna be hard figuring out whether he's actually seeing shit or not.

Koops kept spinning around thinking he majically turned into a helicopter Yoshi's Island style.

Mario: ... HEY LOOK! A shed! Maybe I can find more drugs or better yet, a chainsaw to viciously murder Koops with!

Flurrie: AND IT WILL GO ON FLURRIE'S PORN SITE!

Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Koops puked from all that spinning around.

Mario ran into the shed where he found a black key. And no. Not a black key from a keyboard, I mean a black key that opens black locks.

Mario: I found a key!

Goombella: Yeah... We heard in the narration. Wait, hold on. Isn't that a key used to open up the chests for the black spirits?

Mario: Oh yeah... Welp, who knows. Maybe I'll get some kind of dumb ass curse. As if anything that happens to my body fucking matters to me anymore anyway.

Koops: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Mario: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SCREAMING!?

Koops: I had to do it to prevent the War of Pop Tarts of 2018! Also, look ahead!

Koops pointed to a gang of 3 hyper goombas that popped out behind the porn shed. Like way back in Chapture 1 - 8, this gang consisted of 1 goomba, 1 spiny goomba, and 1 para goomba. Unlike those Goomba's they're not raping or rhyming. Just stupid.

Hyper Goombeavis (Age 41): HEY Guy's! He he! Look at these fart knockers!

Hyper Goombutthead (Age 41): Hhhhehehheheheee... Yeah. What do you say we 'do' them? And by do them? I mean uhh... beat the crap out of them!

Hyper Goomstewart (Age 38): Wait? Beat them up? Oh come on guys? I thought we we're just going to ask them for some change to buy tickets for the movie The Night Before...

Hyper Goombutthead: Uhhh... No?

Hyper Goombeavis: Yeah! What are you, a wuss? Hehehehe! Let's just beat the crap out them! Come on! I WANNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE! I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I I WANNA I WANNA!

Mario: Oh my god. Retarded stoners in the haunted forest!

Koops: ARE THOSE CANCER!?

Goombella: Those are Green Goombas...Holy fuck. I didn't think different races of Goombas actually exist. Now I feel bad for not knowing about them...

Hyper Goombeavis: Yeah! Hehehehehe We're Green alright! Green cause we like to drink alot of Monster Energy Drink!

Hyper Goombutthead: Yeah! Hey... What do you say after we knock them out, we like, score with the girl?

Hyper Goombeavis: Oh... You mean the Goomba with the flat chest?

Hyper Goombutthead: Uhhhh... Yeah? The only girl on the team numbnuts. What are you, gay or something?

Flurrie: Mmmmm... I like appearing to be a passable man...

Hyper Goombeavis: OH... I get it... Rah! Let's score! LET'S SCORE! REEEERR!

Hyper Goombutthead: Hhhhhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhhuhuh

Hyper Goombeavis: HEH! HEH…. HEH! HEH!... HEH!

Hyper Goomstewart: *Sigh* Why do you guys drag me into these things...

Koops: Ugg... You guys fight them... I'm just gonna... lay down and... think about... think about... whoa...

Koops started laying down on his back and rolled around as he started hallucinating about demonic penguins made out of cheese killing him with staplers.

Yoshi: You Koopa niggas be crazy, man!

Koops: Life... is a...1 big…. hallucination... HOLY SHIT! GET OFF ME PENGUINS! GET OOOOOOFFFFFFF!

Goombella: So... are those weirdos still aware that we're gonna fight them?

Mario: Uhh...

Hyper Goombeavis: HEH! HEH HEH! HEH! We're goombas. HE! HE HE!

Hyper Goombutthead: Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhhhh huhuhuhu Yeah... We are... hhhuhuhuhuhuhuhhhhhhhuhuhuhuhhhh...

Hyper Goomstewart: *sigh*

Mario: Let's just kill them for the XP and coins. Assuming they have any.

[BATTLE MODE (about time)]

*Mario: Power Level 90

*Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Hyper Goombeavis: Power Level 16

Hyper Goombutthead: Power Level 20

Hyper Goomstewart: Power Level 16

Battle Music: The MTV Theme (On repeat)

[TURN 1]

Koops: AHH! YOU GUY'S HEAR THE MTV THEME!? EFOUHSDFKSJLGHSLKDFHNSDFKJSB

Mario: Uhh... Yeah... It's the Battle music going on right now.

Koops: GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF OF MEEEEEE!

Mario: ... Alright. You're pretty much useless. Goombella! Tattle Time!

Goombella uses tattle on Goombeavis: This is Goombeavis... Huh... Next thing I know, the next Goomba I tattle is named Goombutthead. Like from the show. Welp, back to the tattle, he's clearly no ordinary goomba. He's part of different race of Goombas known as... Hyper. But I guess to you, they'd be considered Hyper Goombas. To be honest, I've actually heard of other races of goomba, but never truly knew that there was another race of us up until now. I bet if 1 of them got into U Goom, they'd get a scholarship up the ass! Am I right!? Hehe. But yeah, here's some key details. Don't underestimate the power levels, Like Cleftor and the Punx of Rock, they also charge up their attacks to a significant amount of power. So again, keep that in mind. Oh and that they have a power level of 16. Okay, now I'm done.

Mario: Are you trying to put me to sleep!? That's it, Flurrie's in!

Goombella: But- *sigh* fine. I'm still doing the tattles though!

Flurrie: Hooooray for Flurrie!

Flurrie uses her treacherous tits on Goombeavis to do a motorboat murder move and smashed his face with her not-so-fun bags: [5 Damage]

Goombeavis: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF 'SCORING' I HAD IN MIND!

Mario toked on some Lightning Blotto getting minorly high in contrast to Koops' blaring out. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand also zapped Goombutthead in the face: [5 Damage]

Goombutthead: Whoa… that burnt...hhhuhuhuhuh... Hey look! Huhuhuhuhhh... I'm Benjamin Franklin!

Goombeavis: Wait, you mean the actor?

Goombutthead: No! The president R-Tard!

Goombeavis: Uuuuhhh... Oh yeah. I forgot. HEH HEH! HEH! HEHEHEH!

Goomstewert: Wait, but he wasn't even the pres-

Goombutthead: Hey uhh... Beavis? Don't we gotta uhh... attack or something?

Goombeavis: Oh yeah! HEH HEH! Actually, I think I'll power up instead. That way, I can totally score now!

Goombeavis did a Hyper Goomba power up increasing his attack up to 8 and power level up to 15/40.

Goombeavis: I AM GOOMHOLIO!

Goomstewart: Uhh... I don't think that joke is as funny in this context...

Goombutthead: Hey, Goomstewart, … Shut up!

Goombutthead: Also powered up in the exact same way. Due to him being a spiky goombella, his attack is now 9 with a power level of 17/44

Goomstewart: Powered up as well. Only he ended up getting the entire power level up to 40.

Goomstewart: Good thing 80% of our blood stream is made out of Monster Energy Drink! Otherwise we wouldn't be able to power up.

Goombella: Fuck! I forgot to mention that in the tattle!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses tattle on Goombutthead: This is Goombutthead! Holy shit! No way! It is a Beavis and Butthead gimmick! Well, actually to be honest, I kind of knew it already. It's just funny when you see the facts right in front of you. Ehh... I like Daria better... But yeah. He's a spiky Goomba with an attack of 3 instead of 2. Or in this case, 9.

Mario: Coolio. Let's just execute them with violent tactics already.

Flurrie: Just the kind of style for Flurrie...

Flurrie crushed Beavis... Goombeavis by sitting on him with her big cloudy ass making him cross eyed with a big brown skid mark from Flurrie's ass between his eyes. But it did kill him: [5 Damage]

Goombutthead: Hhhhhuhuhuhuuhhh... Your ded... Cool...

Mario preformed a regular hammer smash on Goombutthead's face flattening him morbidly: [4 Damage]

Goomstewart: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW WHO AM I GONNA GO TO THE MOVIES WITH NOW!? THAT'S IT! I'M KILLING ALL OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS RIGHT FUCKING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!1

Goomstewart charged his body at Flurrie and Drilled through her stomach like from any fighting anime with hyper power: [8 Damage]

Flurrie: You're only giving me *pukes blood* more holes to play with!

[TURN 3]

Goombella did 1 more tattle of the battle.

Goombella: This is Goomstewart. Oh yeah. I remember that guy from a few episodes... Now that the power ups wore off for the Hyper Paragoomba. He's back to having a power level of 16. I still think it's weird that they're called "hyper" I mean, they don't seem hyper. Not even when they power up. It's almost seems like it's a racist stereotype that's not even true...

Mario: Yeah! A funny stereotype!

Mario double jumps on him in the usual Paper Mario styled fashion which demoted him into a regular Hyper Goomba: [4 Damage]

Flurrie: Time for Flurrie to test out her new magnificent attack!

Flurrie hovered to the pusssfaced Hyper Goomba and Lip Locked him! It's exactly how it sounds! She smooched him so hard, that she ended up killing Goomstewart by sucking the life out of him through his mouth taking [5 Damage] From him replenishing the 5 to herself.

[END OF BATTLE (about time)]

Mario: Well that was fun. Alright guy's! Get ready for a full on retard holocaust in the woods.

Yoshi: Man this is bullshit... babies ain't supposed to be baby sitting grown ass 18 year olds. What kind of team is this!?

Mario: No 1 asked you to do it.

Goombella: So uhh... wait, how's Koops' trip been?

Koops: I feel like I'm in some kind of dream land, maaaaaaann...

[DRUG TRIP MODE]

Drug Music: Green Greens from Any Kirby Game

Koops was transported to Pop Star where he ran into a round pink ball thing named Kirby if it already wasn't fucking obvious already.

Kirby: Come on Koops! Are we ready to go adventuring!?

Koops: GOSH GOLLY GEE WILIKERZ ZIPPIDY DOO DAH! IT'S KIRBY!

Kirby: We have to collect the 12 color orbs of the Jizmak system!

Koops: Whoa 12 of them!? Like, no way!

Kirby: What do you say we take my warp star!

Koops: NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!

Kirby called his Flying Nimbus... I mean, Warp Star with his gay looking star cell phone.

Kirby: HEY WARP STAR! GET YOUR FUCK ASS OVER HERE, YOU 5 POINTED SHINING ASS MONKEY CUNT COCKING CHEESE HOLE! I'M GONNA RAPE YOUR SISTER WITH A SALTED STABBING KNIFE IF YOU DON'T COME OVER HERE IN 3 GODDAMN SECONDS!

Koops: Wickeeeed!

After 2.75 seconds, the warp star arrived.

Kirby: Let's go!

Koops: Trippy...

They both started flying through rainbowey happy looking trippy space passing by planets that look like donuts, and smiley faces in light speed.

Koops: Trippy... TRIPPYYYYY!

Kirby: Hey! We have to make a quick pit stop to the star station. My star is running out of unicorn blood and needs a refill!

Koops: Harry Potter!

They quickly made it to a random moon with nothing on it.

Koops: Hey, so where's the gas station?

Kirby: I have to be completely honest. The real reason why we stopped here, is so no 1 can hear you scream so I can become Koops Kirby!

Kirby started sucking up Koops where he grabbed onto the moon dirt for deer life.

Koops: N-N-N-N-NO! NOOOOOOOO! STOP EATING MY KIRBAY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!1

[REAL LIFE MODE]

Mario was walking with Team M dragging Koops by the hoodie dragging him on his back.

Mario: Just ignore him guys. I think's he's in Dream Land. I know, this happened to me 1ce. This is a very normal process.

Yoshi: Yo Look! Up ahead! Look at dat big ass tree up there!

Team M was obstructed by a big ass tree that fell over blocking their path.

Mario: It's not "Blocking our path." We can either climb over it, we can have Flurrie carry us over it, create a human totem pole and jump over it, lift it up, smash it, or better yet, we can even WALK AROUND IT!

Yoshi: Oh yeah... Good idea nigga.

Team M just simply walked around the fallen tree despite in the game not being able to let playable characters do this.

Goombella: Hey look! A red key! What do you think it leads to?

Mario: ... Let's go get items!

Goombella: Huh? You mean that's the key to the item safe? Aren't we banned from- Who am I kidding. When the hell have we regarded that law anyway?

Flurrie was busy shitting out a slow long lumpy shit like a dog on the ground ignoring the possibility of shitting in the bushes.

Goombella: Aww come on Flurrie! Sick...

Flurrie: No need to wipe me. For I have pride!

Yoshi: Man, I can't believe we'all goin back to dat Twilight Town. I'm serious niggas, if that creature even thinks about turnin mah homeboys into some god damn pigs, I'll be all "AY BITCH! FUCK YO COUCH NIGGA!" So then i'll get 1 of yall to glue to dick to his couch cuz I aint touchin that shit! Then we'll take the couch with him on it, and throw it into a lake with some of em' piranhas! That'll show dat fuck ass bitch that we aint playin bout dat pig cursin shit bein NOT OKAY!

Mario: Alright, Flurrie, grab Koops and let's go back to Twilight Town!

Flurrie picked up Koops and caressed him like a baby.

Koops: GET ME OUT OF YOUR WEIRD STOMACH KIRBY!

[Twilight Sparkles]

Back into Twilight Sparkles they go! The shop I mean. Not to get confused with clopping.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Hey! Get out of here! You're supposed to be banned from here! Y'know what i'm sayin!?

Mario: Don't make me skin you and use you as a new shirt. And I'm an expert at skinning creatures.

Goombella: I hope you're not referring to the Tanooki suit.

Mario: DING DING!

Mario progressed towards the lock and opened it with the red key.

Mario: OOOOOH SHIT MOTHER FUCKER! JACKPOT!

The door opened unveiling a bag of Life Shrooms, a Happy Potter Invisibility cloak, and Galactic Alien Zombie Dragon Vadgelly Juice that replenishes 50 FP. That's usually more FP than people are willing to upgrade. Also a couple of chest's that I'll get to in a bit.

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

Mario: Flurrie, *snaps fingers*

Flurrie: GOt it!

Flurrie dropped Koops on his tripped out head and immediately tackled/ raped the helpless sack girl for not fucking off when she should have.

Goombella: OH MY GOD, WHY IS THAT NECESSARY!?

Mario: Any better idea's? Now come on! Let's lute!

Yoshi: Yei! Let's rob their asses!

Yoshi walked up to the ROTF Koopa and stole his phone from his pocket.

Yoshi: Swipe!

The team snagged the 3 mentioned items and also opened a chest containing a blue triangle with a blue rhombus known as a Defense Plus P. This is 1 of the best badges yet. It boosts Mario's defense by 1 which will do wonders for his power level.

Mario: YES! THIS IS AN AWESOME BADGE! Finally! A badge that will boost my badassery!

Yoshi: Yo! What about dis creepin lookin black chest here? It looks like it got something spooky in it.

Chest Voice (Age 1024): Do I hrrr a god dayamn negro outside!? Get out of here yuh jungle shadow!

Goombella: WHOA WHOA WHOA! Cool down!

Mario: Goombella, shut up and start responding with "GOD DAMNIT! IT'S ANOTHER BLACK SPIRIT" Instead. Allow me to demonstrate.

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! IT'S ANOTHER BLACK SPIRIT TRYING TO TRICK US!

Chest Voice: Trick yuh? Pfft... What are yuh? Some kind of giblet head!? I ain't no darkie! I'm a stern southern man! Also, I fuckin dun hrrr hate them nigger. Cuz there aint no room for nigger! You hear me!? I call em' nigger non plurally cause they is cattle! Like sheep, or deer, or fish. So to me, the plural pronunciation should infact be "nigger." KNow what I mean?

Yoshi: THE FUCK YOU SAY!?

Chest Voice: But I'll be a monkey's uncle and ask y'all why you have a banana breathin nigglet in yo team!?

Yoshi: Can some1 shut this racist ass u-

Mario: Hold on! I know you're pulling a- ... Actually, nevermind. I'm assuming you want me to give you freedom and unlock you from your chest so you can curse me and fly away.

Chest Voice: Why you got that right partnah! Accept I ain't out here to be harmin no fellow aryan brother of the best race in the rootin tootin world! I may even just give yuh a nice power that will help yuh get to places faster. I just wanna fly away, and live in the white house. I hear they have this monkey in the white house and I just can't wait to do the world a favor and put my loaded shotgun in his baboon mouth.

Mario: Alright…. So yeah, we have this black key and that should free you or some shit like that.

Chest Voice: Yuh drr have a key!? We'll bring that key in my chest and free me from my evil black chamber hole partnah!

Goombella: Mario, are you sure you really wanna risk getting cursed again?

Mario: I'm not worried. After all. Worst case scenario, I get a stupid curse that actually turns out to be seemingly useful for our mission.

Goombella: If you say so….

Yoshi: Maaaan, I can't wait to see this shit so I can kick some Johnny Rebel soundin' racist ass!

Mario used the spooky black key and opened the chest awaiting for a-

Black Spirit III: SURPRISE NIGGA!

Mario: Here we go!

Yoshi: AWW YEI!

The background suddenly turned into an empty background isolating Mario into a void with the 3rd Black Spirit.

Background music: Bubble Butt by Major Lazer

Black Spirit III: HAAAAAAAAAAAA! Danx for dat key and all, but I got yo ass nigga! I got yo ass! I ain't no raciest redneck ass John Wayne motha fucka! I'm A black assed no assed brothah cause I'm a fuckin Black ass spirit, nigga! MAN, IF I HAD A DANGLANG, I'D SMACK YOU IN DA MOTHA FUCKIN FACE WITH IT! SHIIIIIIIIET! SO Nigga! Nigga! About all dat shit I was saying about yo ass ain't gettin no cursed! I LIIIIIIIIIIIED TO YOU BOY! OH! OH! MAN! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT! YO ASS GOT JIVED IN ALL KINDS OF DIRECTIONS SHOTY! YOU GETTING THE CURSE OF CURSES DAT GOIN ALL BLIPPITY BLAP ON YO SALMONELLA WHITE ASS SHOTY!

Mario: *Sigh* Can't you just give me super cancer instead?

Black Spirit III: It gon be worse than dat G! You have no idea! What? You got bitch ass ploblems with that suckah!? WELL BITCH ASS PROBLEM IS WHAT YOU BE GETTIN FOOL! So get this, get this... Your curse... willl be...uhh…. hod on… I'm thinkin of someth- OH! OH! GOT IT! Every time yo ass get hard from thinkin about dat Emma Watson bitch, you gon' be turning into yo own white ass dick! Not sure what I mean Nigga!? Well let me re-explain! When you get hard from Watson sex thoughts, everything accept yo dick disappears and you just be a rollin talkin white ass dick! And there aint no way for you to undo dat curse! Unless you think of Grandma's crusty taint or some shit! But no 1 dat gay would eva think of somethin like dat!

Mario: Aww man... You totally ruined my life by giving me that curse…. Oh woes me... Now I will never make an unfunny april fools day joke ever again...

Black Spirit III: Nigga, you better demonstrate dat shit as fast as you can before I blast some ice up all in yo ass harder than Englewood!

Mario: Fine by me.

Mario thought of Emma Watson cuntchugging Harry Potter Jelly Bellies upside down. As he got hard, he turned into his own erect penis and started rolling around. Also, he started talking from his urethra.

Mario's Penis: Holy crap shit! I am now Penis Mario!

Black Spirit III: And now you gotta live wit dat shit fo eva man! HA! SCHOOLED YOU TURKEY! HOWZ IT FEEL BITCH!? YOU LIKE GETTIN SCHOOLED LIKE DAT BITCH!? YOU MUST LIKE MAH CURSE YOU GAY ASS BITCH!? WELL GUESS WHAT!? I DO WHAT I FEEL LIKE, BITCH! NOW GET THE FUCK UP OTTA MAH VOID NIGGA BEFORE I LONG DICK MAH DICK IN YOUR MOUTH AND CALL YOU RIANNA! Anyway, I'mma go possessin a painter and paint the White House black! I'M RICH BIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH!1 HONK HONK!

Mario transformed back into his normal full body form back into reality.

Yoshi: HOLY SHIT! DID YO ASS GET CURSED BY DAT BLACK SPIRIT MOTHA FUCKA!?

Mario kicked Yoshi in the face.

Yoshi: OWW! WHATCHU DO DAT FOR!?

Mario: Do not talk like how you do right now. It reminds me of how annoying the black spirits really are.

Goombella: So what's the curse this time?

Mario: Uhhh... How do I explain... I bbbasically... turn into my own dick. If that makes any sense.

Yoshi: WHat? But yo dick be part of you already! Dat shit don't make no goddamn sense!

Goombella: Wait, You mean like... you turn into your dick, and talk out your urethra!?

Mario: Yeah.

Goombella: And you just... roll around or something?

Mario: Mmmmhmmm...

Goombella: And you can see and breath... while... being your own penis...?

Mario: Jeez. You're getting really into this game of 20 questions are you?

Goombella: NO REASON! I mean... nothing...

Mario: Whatever, now that that's done and we got some pretty cool shit, Let's get going. HEY FLURRIE! Are you done raping that sack girl yet?

Flurrie: Yeah. I came too early cause of that air horn while you were gone and she turned into a pig and I just kind of prematured inside of her. I guess I can just keep orgasming since I am a female...

Mario: Hmm… The bell must've rang while I was getting cursed. Lets just go back to the trail. Grab Koops and Let's go!

Flurrie grabbed Koops while he was humming the star power theme. Duhduhduuuuh duhduhduh duhduh duh Duhduhduuuuh duhduhduh duhduh duh Duhduhduuuuh duhduhduh duhduh duh Duhduhduuuuh duhduhduh duhduh duh…

[DRUG TRIP MODE]

Koops suddenly heard every1's voices get deeper and slower.

Koops: Hey! What's happening to all your voices!?

Suddenly, everything shattered like glass where he started falling into a twilight zone spiral.

Koops: AAAAHHH! NOO! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I CAN'T STOP MOVING MY ARMS! AND WHY IS EVERYTHING ALL BLACK AND WHITE!?

Koops: ARE THOSE SNAKES COMING FOR ME!? OH NO! NOOO! GET AWAY FROM MY FUCKING BODY NOOO!

He then Koops got eaten up by a series of snakes while some of them laid eggs inside of him. He fell into a black aminus void more ominous than Black Spirit voids.

Koops: Oh good. I'm alive. Phew…. Close 1.

Suddenly, an egg beater started drilling through his stomach to beat the snake eggs inside of him.

Koops: AAAAAH! THE PAAAAIN! IT CONTINUES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

It was quite gorey and traumatizing as the remainder of his body was getting mixed and grinded up like he was made out of goop. Suddenly, he woke up in an apocalyptic wasteland where he was being surrounded by all of the 1st generation pokemon. They kept asking him if he wants a plate while he was getting cornered.

Koops: WHY DO I KEEP COMING BACK TO LIFE!? OH MAN! MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE ALL THAT ACID! I THINK I FUCKED MY BRAIN UP FOREVER!

As he was freaking out, he panicked and decided to dig a hole. As he was digging the hole, 1 of those giant masks from Super Mario Bros 2 suddenly ate him making him fall back into the twilight zone spiral. This whole cycling kept repeating on an infinite loop for a while.

[REALITY MODE]

[Twilight Trail]

After an hour of obstacles involving FLurrie's gas and walking through the forest, it started to get alot darker. Koops suddenly woke up while still heavily affected by the acid.

Koops: GUYS! SYUG!

Mario: What the fuck are you doing now?

Koops: I can feel it.. I can feel EVERYTHIIIIIIIING! I think.. I can control the omniverse guys!

Yoshi: What dat?

Goombella: You mean from Ben 10!?

Koops: I CAN CONTROL THE FUCK- THE FUCKING OMNIVERSE!

Mario: KOOPS! STOP! FUCKING! TRIPPING!

Koops; WoOoOoOoOo... OooOoOOOooooOoWoOoOOoOoOOOOOoO

Mario: WILL YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A TURTLE SHELL BACKPACK THAT ONLY HIPSTERS WILL BUY! YOU'RE MAKING THIS ADVENTURE WAY HARDER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE!

Koops: MRR! MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! MRRMRRRRRRR! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRERRRRRRRRRRRRREMMMRMRRRRR!

Yoshi: Is he trying to be Frankenstein or some shit?

Goombella: He's getting really disturbing under that drug...

Flurrie: I think his tripping is rather lovely guys...

Koops started running around in circles flailing his arms around like a deranged mental patient who thinks it's still the 60s.

Koops: OOOOOOOOOLOOLOLOLOLLOOL WOWOOOOWOWWOWOWOWOODOAWHFAEFHKFBSSBFKBKCBCKLFSKDVJSDVHBSDVJKSBDSKBEFJSHBDFJK!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1!i1

WIUEFHSDFSBOGHSBWHEN ALL The sudden, another forest turf gang of 2 Crazy Dayzees (Yes. That's how you spell it.) And 2 Hyper Clefts (That have spiky hair MADE out of spikes)

Crazy Dayzee 1 (Age 7): Hey guys! Look! Wondering villagers! Tee Hee

Crazy Dayzee 2 (Age 5): OMG! I WUV twavelars! What should we do with them?

Hyper Cleft 1 (Age 37): I'd say we kill them and use their bodies the way the indians do!

Hyper Cleft 2 (Age 38): Yeah! That purple 1 must be full of meat! Yum!

Crazy Dayzees: Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee...

Koops: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! DEMON FLOWERS! THEY CAN SEE INTO OUR SOULSS!

Mario: Great... Now Koops is half hallucinating. Can I help you, lost retards?

Crazy Dayzee 1: Yes mister!

Crazy Dayzee 2: We would like to drink your blood as nourishment!

Hyper Cleft 1: Yeah! And same with the rest of your pals!

Hyper Cleft 2: So we can partake in a religious blood orgy!

Crazy Dayzee 1: Cause we're satanists!

Flurrie: Awwww sooo cute... Well i'd be happy to provide flesh if you have a knife!

Goombella: FLURRIE!

Goombella: Look! Strange creatures, 3 words. Please. Fuck. Off. Do this, and you won't have to die an embarrassing deth!

Crazy Dayzee 1: These gais are funny! Heehee

Hyper Cleft 1: So funny, I think we should keep their heads as trophies inside our satanic pedophile cabin!

Hyper Cleft 2: I don't know about you guys, but I think we should taxidermize the black Yoshi into a sex toy for us on Saturdays!

Crazy Dayzee 2: YAAAY! I LOVE SEX TOYS!

Flurrie: OOOH WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA!

Yoshi: AWW SICK, NIGGA! We gotta do something about these bitch asses.

Mario: Yes... Yes we d-

Koops: WE HAVE TO KILL THOSE BALLERINAS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Mario: They're not ballerin- ...Screw it.

[BATTLE MODE]

* Mario: Power Level 90

* Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 77/88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 7/10

V.S.

Crazy Dayzee 1: Power Level 11

Crazy Dayzee 2: Power Level 11

Hyper Cleft 1: Power Level 25

Hyper Cleft 2: Power Level 25

Battle Music: Roots Bloody Roots by Sepultura

[TURN 1]

Hyper Cleft 2: Prepare yourself, for we are ready to build a porta potty out of your flesh and use all of your bone marrow to glue it all together.

Crazy Dayzee 1: OH BOY! I LOVE PORTA POTTIES MADE OUT OF FLESH AND BONE MARROW! HEE HEE HEEE HEEEEEE!

Goombella started off the freaky battle with a tattle on the Dayzees: YUCK!1 Listen to these creepy flower kid things talk! Yeah, these flower characters are called Crazy Dayzees. CRAZY IS LIEK, TOTALLY RIGHT! HAHA! It's power level is 11 and it takes at most, 7 hits to kill. The weirdest thing about them is that they look like cute kid show characters from WTTW Kids.

Mario: HEY! FUCK YOU! I DO THE "YOU LOOK LIKE A" COMMENTS AROUND HERE! Do it again, and I'll analyse what YOU look like!

Goombella: Jesus fuck Mario, calm down...

Mario: FUCK YOU FOR TELLING ME "CALM DOWN!" THAT'S IT! FLURRIE! YOU'RE BACK ON!

Goombella: Oh not again!

Flurrie: Oh what a delightful day this is.

Yoshi: MAN DAT IS BULL SHIT! I WANNA TAG IN!

Goombella: Bullshit is right Yoshi.

Mario: Flurrie makes for a better shield cause she enjoys pain.

Flurrie: How ever did you know, my Malicious Mariblowjob?

Mario: Cause of all of our fights with you enjoying pain, EVER!

Yoshi: Man, fuck you! I'm just gonna beat Koops up with a stick while he's being stupid.

Before Yoshi looked back, Koops had suddenly disappeared.

Meanwhile, where Koops was wondering.

Koops: I like... Muffins... made out of... dubstep... and ... moooooooore dubstep...

Flurrie blasts the Crazy Dayzee 1 with her filthy brain blood cell sucking boobs: [5 Damage]

Crazy Dayzee 1: OWWY! YOU MEANIE!

Mario uses-

Koops: GUYS!

Koops fell from a tree and interrupted the fight by landing in the middle of the stand off.

Koops: IF YOU GUYS KEEP FIGHTING, THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!

Hyper Cleft 1: Is he serious?

Mario: No! It's the fucking ACID! KOOPS! GET OUT OF THE FIGHT SCENE RETARD!

Koops: BUT I CONTROL THE OMNIVERSE! THAT MEANS I CONTROL EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE! AND HEAVEN AND HELL! IT EVEN CONTAINS THE MULTIVERSE WHICH CONTAINS THE UNIVERSE INSIDE OF IT!

Mario: I SAID GET OUT OF HERE!

Koops: HUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAHUMMINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOLULUULULULULUULULULULLHEELHFHKBEHJBJHCVDFKJSDGSHVSEFVSJFVS!111!

Koops ran away flailing his arms around like a professional special ed student.

Mario crushes the fatigued dayzee child to deth with his hammer slammer blammer blast: [4 Damage]

Crazy Dayzee 2: YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT YUH MEAN OL' FATTIE!

Flurrie: Your squealy voice really fills me with errotic discharge...

Goombella: Do you hear yourself when you talk?

Crazy Dayzee: Now I'm gonna sing! 7#3 10|?|) !5 /\/\'/ 5#3|2|24|?|) ! 5#477 /\/07 \/\/4/\/7. #3 134|)37# /\/\3 |)0\/\/\/ !/\/ 6|?33/\/ |2457|_||?35 '/34. 740|_|6# ! 8|_|7(#3|? 7#|?0|_|6# 7#3 |2|?4'/3|? 480|_|7 4 5#4|)0\/\/ 0|= |)37#, ! \/\/!11 |=34|? /\/0 8|_|115#!7 : (4|_|53 7#!5 !5 _||_|57 |=|_|(&|/\/6 4|?7.

Mario and Flurrie were about to fall asleep.

Mario: You dip cocks! This is... bullshit...

Flurrie: I'll be... in... your...dreams...mario

Mario: Shut up...Flllluuuuuurrr...

Mario and Flurrie fell asleep: [2 Damage]

Goombella: Shitt...

Hyper Clefts: OUR TURN!

Hyper Cleft 1 boosts his attack up to 6 raising his power level up to 55

Hyper Cleft 2 boosts his attack up to 6 raising his power level up to 55

[TURN 2]

Goombella: Well... At least I can still do my tattles.

Goombella uses tattle: This is oh who am I kidding. It's not like any1s gonna listen...

Yoshi: Bitch! I'm listening!

Goombella: Really? You like my tattles?

Yoshi: YEi! It's important fo us to know what are asses be dealin' with! Now shut up and tattle dat bitch before I whoop yo ass!

Goombella: ALright! Cool! These are Hyper Clefts. Besides their weird spiky hair and their sadistic methods, They're a little more power than the Hyper Bald Clefts from last chapture. Alright. I'm gonna say it! WHAT THE FUCK!? Why are none of these "Hyper" enemies ACTUALLY Hyper!? I mean, the Hyper Bald Cleft from Glitzville, was a weed smoking 'straight edge', and the Hyper Goombas were cheesey Beavis and Butthead knock offs. These guys are creeps sure, but not this "hyper" the book speaks about it. It sounds like some bias ass tattling! I'm gonna be pissed if I find out this author of the tattles is racist!

Yoshi: As bullshit as that is, TALK ABOUT THEIR STATS!

Goombella: Right. It has HP of 4 and has 3 defense with 9 attack giving it a power level of 55. Normally it's be 25, but they power up and all.

Yoshi: Yei I get that!

Crazy Dayzee 2: Welp! I'm gonna run off for no reason now! Baiiiiiiii!

The remaining Dayzee ran off into the dark woods for no reason other than being random xDDDDDD!

Yoshi: AHH HELL NO! THAT NIGGA RAN OTTA HERE! STRAIGHT UP!

Hyper Cleft 1: HEY! That was 1 of our kids we were renting to satanically molest!

Hyper Cleft 2: Do you ANY idea how much they cost just to RENT THEM!? THAT'S IT! WE WILL JUST HAVE TO MOLEST YOUR TEAM! STARTING WITH THE FAT CLOUD!

Hyper Cleft 1 smashed Flurrie somehow not waking her up: [9 Damage]

Hyper Cleft 2 mimicked that move at Flurrie exactly in a lazily written way: [9 Damage]

Also, Flurrie is heavily damaged in her sleep from the vicious blows.

[TURN 3]

Yoshi: Man, this some bullshit! The fuck we doin?!

Goombella: What do you mean?

Yoshi: I mean fuck this shit! Why can't we just step in and kick their asses!?

Goombella: Cause, [BATTLE MODE] That's why. Mario has to tag us in or something. We can't step in if we're not traded in by Mario or the partner that's tagged.

Yoshi: That's retarded! Watch this shit right now!

Yoshi stepped in and was about to attack the Hyper Clefts.

Goombella: Yoshi! What are you doing!?

Yoshi: Something I should have done against the Armored Saints 2ICE!

Hyper Cleft 1: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Yoshi uses Gulp clashing the 2 clefts together smashing the shit out of them with their hard ass rock bods: [4 Damage Both]

Goombella: Holy shit! It worked!

Yoshi: Dat's how Team M does it!

[END OF BATTLE]

Mario and Flurrie woke up coincidentally when [BATTLE MODE] ended.

Flurrie: Oooooo... What happened? ANd why am I all damaged...? I mean, not that I'm complaining...

Mario: Wait? We slept through the [BATTLE MODE]!? Fuck...

Goombella: Yeah! Yoshi stepped in and finished them off!

Mario: Good. Wait? You know that you guys could just jump in when we're in sleep phase during a battle the whole time, right?

Goombella: Well no! We just thought the game wouldn't let us.

Mario: Wow, you guys really are retards. So wait, what happened to Koops?

Goombella: EEP! I mean... Ohh... shit!

Goombella: KOOPS! HEY KOOPS! WHERE ARE YOU!?

Mario: … You guys lost Koops again didn't you?

Yoshi: Wait? He left!? Damn! Dat nigga be up in all kinds of places!

Mario: So while Flurrie and I were fighting, none of you guys were paying ANY attention and don't know where Koops flew off to? God! You morons! It's almost like you 2 just read a book, and skimmed through the important details!

Goombella: Sorry! It was very suttal when he ran off and I do doze off sometimes!

Yoshi: Yei! Plus, what we need dat nigg ass fool for anyway?

Goombella: Great... Now we have to go find Koops AGAIN.

Mario: Yeah... Scratch that. We're gonna head straight to the Steeple anyway.

Goombella: WHAT!? We can't just leave him out here! We have to go find him.

Flurrie: Yeah... We need his sexyness big time…

Goombella: What if he get's raped by satanists almost like what happened earlier today!?

Mario: You guys don't get it. We find him, by heading on the path to the steeple. Trust me, that's how we'll find him.

Goombella: That doesn't make any sense.

Mario: It doesn't have to. Besides, it's not we know where to look anyway. I mean, you do realize that heading to the steeple still heads us to 1 of the hypothetical directions of where Koops might be, right?

Yoshi: Yei.

Goombella: Fine... You better be right though.

Mario: I am. Oh and FYI, when an enemy drops a badge, don't forget to tell me! I just found a Hammer Throw Badge inside 1 of the broken Clefts. And we almost missed it. But now we're keeping it despite the fact that I don't have enough BP for it. So I'm gonna trade the Power Jump Badge for it cause I clearly don't even use that thing anymore.

Mario: So wait, I just realized, none of you 2 fell asleep. What's up with that?

Goombella: Well since, Yoshi and I don't have any ears, we were able to stay awake.

Mario: Oh don't you plot hole me! You 2 can clearly hear just fine!

Goombella: No, really! According to the tattle, Dayzee spells only work specifically on characters who have ears like you and Flurrie. It says nothing about whether you can hear or not.

Mario: Did you just make that up?

Goombella: No! I just forgot to read that in the tattle sort of.

Meanwhile where Koops was,

Koops: G WIZZ! THIS PLACE IS SOOOO CRAZY I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! HAHAHAH! I PUKED!

Something started to rattle in the bushes.

Koops: WHAT WAS THAT!?

Suddenly, That Anime Guy from the Malcolm in the Middle Intro popped out and gave Koops a creepy grin. He's from an anime called Nazca, but we're calling him 'That Anime Guy from the Malcolm in the Middle.'

Koops: OH SHIT! LITERALLY! OOOO!

Koops shat himself! [10 Damage (Emotionally!)]

Koops: RUNAWAAAAAAAY!

Koops ran off.

Back to Mario and his less retarded friends in comparison to Koops right now.

Goombella: Hey guys, I'm looking up the Omniverse right now, and all I'm getting is Ben 10 stuff.

Mario: Yeah so?

Goombella: I was just curious. I know that whole Omniverse talk is just him on drugs, but it still sounded kind of interesting. I don't know.

Mario: And that's why people do acid.

Goombella: I don't think that was Koops' intention for doing it though.

Mario: Or was it?

A message beep from Koops' phone suddenly rang.

Yoshi: Oh yei! I forgot I was holding onto Koops' phone. Lemme read this!

Yoshi: Is dat... Koops' girl bitch?

Dear Koops,

Hey. It's Koopie Koo. The prettiest girl in Petalburg! I know I haven't written you back in awhile. Still recovering from my nose injury... Anyway, I hope you haven't been cheating on me this past week! If you do, I will see to it that your nose will be more broken than even my own! Anyway, please come back soon, cause guess what? I'm super lonely! I've only made contact with Bowser since you decided to leave town, AND HE PUNCHED ME IN THE NOSE! WAAAA! Welp, whenever you're done with this adventuring phase, let me know cause I NEED some1 to pour me some tomato soup with advil in it! You not assisting me, is making me mad! I miss being able to smell. Sometimes I can still kind of smell your dad after he had me…. OH WAIT, NOTHING! Tee hee... Let's just say that he smells like 10 years of Dragon pussy and it's kind of kinky. Not that i'm bi or nothin'. Wait! What am I writing? I'm so embarrassed...but I'm sending this anyway! CUZ I'M RANDOM! Hee hee hee! DON'T BREAK UP WITH ME BAI!

From, Koopie Koo

Yoshi: Dayamn she got a pussy whip in her pants! He he he... I know just how to deal with then whip bitches too!

Goombella: Oh god. Do it. It's good for Koops' sake.

Yoshi spent a little time writing a hurtful message.

Yoshi: Heh. Check it out. I just wrote, "SUCK MY FUCK, BIATCH!" And I blocked her! OH! YO ASS GOT DE-ACTIVATED BITCH! TAKE DAT!

Goombella: HA! Nicely done Yoshi!

Mario: Yeah. Fuck those bitch fucks. Seriously.

Goombella: Is "bitch fuck" your new thing to say lately?

Yoshi: So hod on. I have to know, where this power level shit be coming from? Like, what are you niggas referencing when you post numbers in the [BATTLE MODE]?

Goombella: Oh yeah. You know the Dragon Ball series?

Yoshi: No, but I like the name.

Goombella: It's a really popular anime, and my personal 2nd favorite. It's pretty cool. Dragon Ball is just a classic anime that starts out being about martial arts, and progresses to them having god like powers!

Yoshi: Sheeeeeeit! Really!? Aight, I'm watchin dat shit from the beginning then! All the way from episode 1!

Suddenly, a tree was blocking their way.

Mario: Oww fuck! I hit my head on this tree.

Mario's head bleed lightly from running into the tree.

Goombella: So? Lets just-

Flurrie: Way ahead of you!

Flurrie pushed her butt hole on the tree and farted a hole through it creating another path.

Goombella: Or... we could have just walked around the tree. That always works.

Flurrie: And now we have a short cut that smell like Flurrie!

Meanwhile back to Koops.

Koops: JINKEES! Where am I? And why does my butt feel all gooey!

Another thing was hiding in the bushes.

Koops: OH SHIT!

As Koops poops his pants again, a character you would not expect to see suddenly popped out!

Dixie Kong (Age 15): Whoa! What is a Koopa doing in these woods of all places!?

Koops: Oh HAHAHAHHAAA! I GET IT! You're supposed to be Dixie Kong! I know you're just a hallucination in my fragile acid mind. GOOD 1 BRAIN! GOOD 1!

Dixie Kong: … Maybe I should get you out of the forest to somewhere more safe.

Koops: I'm really dope right now... I love lemon cheese!

Dixie Kong: …. What?

Koops: My favorite Mario Kart 8 level is Cheese Land!

Dixie Kong: ... Are you alright? And what smells like shit?

Koops: Yes! Good 1 banana head!

Dixie Kong: Lol. What did you call me?

Koops: COME HERE! IMMA GONNA EAT YOU BANANA GIRL! NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!

Dixie Kong: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Koops chased his potential hallucination raising his arms up for a while and lost her as Dixie is a much faster runner than Koops.

Koops: Aww man… I wanted a banana..

Back to Team M Again, it has been 50 minutes, and they've still been wondering around the bizarre woods.

Goombella: Hey guys! Did you know that Twilight Town was the birthplace of inventing the hashtag trend back in the 1700s? It was a popular run on joke back then where people would put hashtags before their names to jokingly make it seem like their numbers. For example, #Larry or #Steve. Talk about a really odd sense of humor back then right?

Mario: No, it's just plain unfunny. That's all.

Goombella: Well you just don't get cuz you're not from that time.

Mario: I don't have to be. An unfunny joke is an unfunny joke. Plain and simple.

Goombella: Pfft… Dumbass.. So before this sub chapture ends, I have to ask, why is it called Electric Kool-Aid Twilight Test? It just sounds kind of random.

Mario: It's a Grateful Ded reference.

Goombella: A what?

Mario: You're too young to get it.

Goombella: Oh come on! I hate hearing that at 21! Tell me!

Flurrie was busy sucking her own tits at the same time like a dog.

Mario: *Sigh* Electric Kool-Aid refers to taking acid laced with Kool-Aid. The joke is based off the book "Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" where the groups of people who take the Kool-Aid acid drink it and meet the band 'Grateful Ded.' You like books right? Read it!

Goombella: Alright. I'll write it down on my phone.

Yoshi: Aight! I just finished watching Dragon Ball Episode 2! I gotta say, dis shit, not bad... not bad at all... I'mma keep watchin this!

Mario: Oh great. Look every1! A giant rock is in front of us.

Goombella: So what? Let's just walk around it.

Mario: I got a better idea. Let's climb over it!

Flurrie: You sure you don't want Flurrie to pooter all over it?

Mario: No! No 1 wants that, you fat low life!

Mario climbed over it while the rest of Team M that were still with him did the same.

Goombella: My fucking god. Do we really have to keep making everything harder than it needs to be?

Mario: Now you're getting it!

Back to Koops again cause why not.

Koops: 1 Banana 2 Banana 3 Banana 4, Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuuuuuuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuh. 1 Banana 2 Banana 3 Banana 4, Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuuuuuuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuh. NUUUUHHH NUUUUUHH NUUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUUH NUUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUN! NUUUUHHH NUUUUUHH NUUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUUH NUUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUN!

The Bushes moved yet again.

Koops: GOD DAMNIT! STOP IT BUSHES! SHOW YOURSELF!

The Song Nikopol from the Gurren Lagann soundtrack started playing in Koops' mind as That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle popped out of nowhere.

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle (Age 23): It's been a long time, you invalid Koopa.

Koops: Oh hey! It's you again? What are you trying to do, eat me or something!?

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: You bet, invalid. Now I'm gonna dispose of you, you invalid scum.

Koops: Oh yeah? Heh, We'll see about tha!

Koops got into a ridiculous fighting position as him and the character I don't know the real name of begin a battle.

[BATTLE MODE]

Koops: Power Level 68

V.S.

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: Power Level 8999

Battle Music: You're not the Boss of me Now by They Might Be Giants

[TURN 1]

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: I hope you have a way to defend yourself, you invalid Koopa. Hahahahhaha!

Koops: Oh yeah? Well at least every1 reading this knows my name, unlike you! Behold!

Koops does a super power up where he grows Super Saiyan hair boosting his power level to 90000.

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: Oh please. This isn't even my final form. Pfft... Pathetic invalid...

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle brushed his hair in a taunting way and then powered up into a Super Saiyan boosting his power level to 100000!

[TURN 2]

Koops: Jokes on you! This isn't even my final form neither, bitch. Behold!

Koops uses a super shell shield fusing with his skin making his body made out of Koopa Shell. Basically, he's become a Koopa Shell Dragon Slayer. The unknown Fairy Tail Dragon Slayer I just made up.

Koops: Try breaking through this 1, That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle!

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle: Okay, you want it invalid? You got it! Watashi no bōruburasuto o SUIMASUUUUUUUUUU!

That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle did a super powerful energy blast where Koops deflected it by karate chopping it.

[TURN 3]

Koops: Pfft... Is that all you got? Well take THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Koops: CURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSE!

Koops: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Koops: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Koops: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Koops: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Koops did a powerful curse ye ha me ha blast that totally isn't based off of any Dragon Ball Z move at That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle that turned out to be a tree Koops thought he was blowing up. Poor Koops. I think we can leave off there for this sub-chapture. Yeah….

[END OF PATHETIC MODE]

Chapture 5 - 9: Haunting the Steeple

[Creepy Steeple Front Yard]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 11:07 PM, night time and 64 Degrees F]

After another long 50 minutes where Yoshi completed 4 Dragon Ball episodes by now, Team M at last, made to the front of the Creepy Steeple being blocked by the iron gates. As usual, they gazed upon the Steeple as they feel the need to dramatically emphasise of bizarre it looks shape wise. And yes, the map turned out describing the shape of the steeple much better than it did Hooktail's castle. Google's even better at describing what I'm talking about cause unlike me, it comes with IMAGES!

Goombella: Well here we are! The Creepy Steeple. I wonder if that was it's 1st original name!

Mario: I'm just bummed out about the forest not being as haunted as every1 made it out to be. It's fucking bullshit.

The sound of running suddenly ran towards them.

Goombella: Guys! Do you hear something?

Yoshi: No fuckin idea. I just watched that episode of Dragon Ball where they met that pig that can change into shit. Which reminds me, if that demon nigga we about to fight tries turnin me into a pig, I'll be all like "BITCH! WHATCHU DOING TURNIN MY ASS INTO A PIG!?" Then I'll whoop his ass sideways, down the street, and tie his ass up with some barbed wire! Then I'll make his ass watch the 4kids National Anthem on an infinite loop till his brain explodes from how retarded that shit is! And I'll be all like! WHAT NOW BITCH!? You aint got no brain to think about shit cuz you be watchin too much 4kids National Anthem! And now you ded! And then every1 turns back to normal and shit! Cause fuck pigs!

Goombella: You've heard of the 4kids National Anthem? I'm so sorry to hear that...

Koops: GUYS!

Mario: Oh hey. We found the master of the Omniverse!

Koops: No! I'm done with that theory! I realised now, that I AM THE LIZARD KING!

Mario: Good for you buddy! See every1!? I told you he'd find us!

Flurrie: My myy... what is that lovely oder entering Flurrie's nasal cavity...

Koops: I don't know, but my butt feels slimey almost like I've been bitten by a slime spell!

Mario: No... That's just shit in your pants, dude.

Goombella: EWWW! YOU CRAPPED YOUR PANTS!? COME ON!

Flurrie: It smells like you crapped your pants 2ice.

Koops: Oh that's what this is? I thought it smelt familiar in there!

Mario: Whatever. We'll figure it out later. For now, lets just get past these gates.

Flurrie: Alrighty. Time for Flurrie to-

Mario: HOLD ON! I never tried out my new curse yet! You see, there's a crack I can fit through without the bacon grease.

Goombella: And how does this curse work now?

Yoshi was distracted by watching Dragon Ball episode 5. The 1 where Yamcha 1st appears.

Mario: Hold on, let me think about Emma Watson tying me up and whipping me in a majical sex dungeon.

As Mario did this, he majically turned into his own dick!

Koops: HOLY FUCKINGSGPSBIUSBGISDBSDIUFBSDIGOUSBSDIUFOSHFUSIOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Flurrie: Best... curse... yet.

Dick Mario: Alright, now we're gonna roll through this crack under here.

Goombella: Whoa whoa whoa. What do you mean "We"? Like, what are you gonna do, put us all in your pockets or something? That would be impossible!

Dick Mario: Better!

Dick Mario instantly swallowed his entire party with his urethra mouth and rolled through the crack onto the other side and spat them out as he turned back to normal.

Mario: That was fun!

Yoshi: DAMN! DAT SHIT WAS FREAKY!

Goombella: DON'T... EVER... DO THAT AGAIN!

Flurrie: Correction, do that again.

Koops: Good thing I'm the Lizard King. Otherwise I would have died.

Mario: And all that's left is the door to open.

[Creepy Steeple]

They entered the interior of the ancient ass steeple with a blue and purple color theme. Does it mean royalty perhaps? Oh well. Moving the fuck on. With the steeple's strange curvy design, it's almost as if the architects who made this abstraction were all ahead of their time, so they made a creepy artsy building or some shit 1000 years ago. There was also a great stained glass window of a ghost creature blanket thing with a majical wizard hat with Piranha Plants around him for some reason. Spoiler alert, THERE ARE NO PIRAHNA PLANTS IN THIS LEVEL/CHAPTURE, SO HA! Wait, analyzing the levels are origonally supposed to be Goombella job. What a lazy bitch.

Goombella: Alright. So I guess this is where the next star is. This almost kind of feels like a darker spookier looking version of Chapture 2 when you think about it.

Koops: ZWYCKS! I'LL SAY! CHECK THAT OUT!

Koops pointed to the wall where The Addams Family popped out and started snapping their fingers to their theme song like a group of creepy halloween humping bastards.

Mario slapped Koops in the face.

Koops:YUM!

Mario: Will you STOP seeing shit for just a gad damn second. I'm not sympathetic to your acid trip you know!

Goombella: You notice how the moon seems to be our only source of light? Good thing it's a clear sky out tonight.

Flurrie: So what do we do now Mario?

Mario: Well here's what we normally do. We open some doors and figure this place out. Remember, there is always a way around these parts.

Koops: You mean these SPOOKY PARTS!

Mario slapped Koops in the face again.

Mario: STOP HALLUCINATING! It's not SPOOKY, DUMBASS!

Koops: MRR! MRRRRRRRR!

Mario: And you're not a fucking Frankenstein!

Koops: I'M TRYING TO SCARE AWAY THE GHOST BY BEING EVEN SCARIER!

And so, they attempted to open the 1st door, when suddenly, a boo popped through the door blocking the way.

Boo 1 (Age 396): BOO!

Koops: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?

Koops crapped his pants a 3rd time!

Goombella: AWW SICK! HOW MUCH CRAP DO YOU HAVE INSIDE YOU!?

Boo 1: My friends all killed themselves and I'm so lonely!

Mario: I don't care! Let us through!

Boo 1: NOOOO! FUCK YOU! I'm lonely! So I'm gonna block your way!

Mario: Then I'll kill you ALL over again!

Boo 1: You can't kill boos! We're already ded!

Mario: Oh yeah? Well, play Super Mario 64 and prove me wrong!

Goombella: Don't they come back when you re-enter the level?

Mario: You're not helping.

Boo 1: Well, I'm just gonna possess the door and see how you like it! See? Watch this!

Boo 1 possessed the door locking it tight.

Mario: You dip ass!

Fluurrie: My myy… He must have went deep inside of that entrance huh?

Mario attempted to smash the door with no luck. FLurrie even tried molesting it which also didn't work.

Mario: Fuck it! We're trying another door!

They tried touring another door when something similar happened!

Boo 2 (460): BOO!

Koops: AH SHNAIKIES! *craps himself again*

Boo 2: I'm lonely!

Mario: Then go talk to Boo 1 or something!

Boo 2: NOOOO! FUCK YOU! I'm LONELY! So I'm gonna block your door by possessing the door.

The other door got possessed.

Goombella: I feel like they're just trying to be ironic for some reason.

Mario: Okay! Looks like the doors are off limits! Let's think of another way shall we?

Koops: Hey guys! Why are all these bugs crawling down my leg!?

The rest of Team M noticed a trail of small pieces of turd that have been rolling down Koops' right pant leg.

Mario: That's shit dude. Not bugs!

Goombella: That's it! Koops! You're taking your pants off!

Koops: Oooo I like where this is going...

Goombella: ... I'm gonna assume it's the acid talking.. Just lose the pants so none of us have to put up with your shit smell!

Koops: Aww man! Do I have to!?

Mario: Yes!

Yoshi: Do it bitch!

Flurrie: I want you to for perverted reasonings…

Goombella: Yes Flurrie. We know.

Koops: Fiiiiiiine. HAHAHAHAHAAA! What about my briefs?

Goombella: Especially the briefs!

Koops: LOL! Fine...

Koops took off his crapped up pants and underwear and was forced to walk around like Porky Pig at all times.

Flurrie: Mmmm... It's almost like you left a trail of candy for Flurrie to devour, Koops...

Mario: Alright. Back to the objective. You guys' see this statue with the star on it in front of us?

Goombella: Yeah?

Mario: Watch this.

Mario pushed the star statue thing opening a hidden path in the floor.

Goombella: Whoa! How did you know that would be there?

Mario: Years and years of haunted house levels, bitch.

Mario and his team of oddballs fell down the trap door and landed safely on a trampoline that had them land safely in the basement. It was filled with different kinds of bondage gear.

Flurrie: Mmmmmm... Such a luxurious basement. 5 STARS! Speaking of that number, why don't we take 5 and-

Mario: NO! We got work to do! And Koops! stop carrying your soiled pants around!

Koops: But I'm the Lizard King-

Mario: No Koops! You are not Jim Morrison! Besides Flurrie, none of us wanna smell your shit!

Koops: BUt what if it's good luck!? I can-

Mario: It's the acid talking! Now lose them!

Koops: You're lose!

Goombella: Hey check out this jack in the box. It's creepy, to be honest, we probably shouldn't open it.

Mario: Why not? Maybe there's a prize in it!

Goombella: Oh, come on ! That's clearly a trap!

Flurrie was busy putting on sadistic bondage gear including a red rubber ball in her own mouth and a leather mask to blind herself.

Also, Yoshi was busy watching Dragon Ball Episode 5. That's why he hasn't too social lately. Kids these days on their phone and hwatnot.

Mario: Yes, and as the expert, I know that these things tend to work as a variable. Meaning it could be treasure, or a trap that I turn into treasure! We can't lose!

Goombella: I wouldn't bet on-

Koops suddenly opened the box thinking there was lizard king candy inside! Instead, a large quantity of Boos bursted out of the box.

Goombella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!I TOLD YOU!

Koops: WHERE DO ALL THESE DANNY PHANTOM'S KEEP COMING FROM!? *Craps on floor*

Flurrie: Mmmm...Talk about a lemon party!

the last boo that came out of the box put on a top hat and a monocle like Mr. Peanut.

Boo 3 (816): Ahoy there mon! I've been locked in that box for quite some time now!

Mario: Shut up! You're not Black Spirit IV!

Boo 3: Now It's QUIZ TIME! How many Boos came out of the box?

Mario: Alot.

Boo 3: DING DONG! CORRECT! It was alot! For your reward, you will win, A BAG OF ULTRA SHROOMS! FOR BEING SUCH A MATH ASSPIE!

Mario: Oh wow. Cool I guess.

Boo 3: Now I'm off to hang with my released home boys! TOKE, DON'T CHOKE!

Boo 3 flew away to chill with his homeboys upstairs in the lobby.

Mario: Ever notice how these boobs… boos. Sorry, my mouth is dry. *AHEM* act like confusing retards!?

Flurrie: I'll tell you what I notice, that Koops needs to wipe his posterior. Allow Flurrie to assist!

Flurrie started hovering towards Koops.

Koops: What... are you doing strange purple elephant monster..?

Flurrie: Your ass is a magnet for my tongue!

Flurrie stuck her tongue out as she was trying to tongue punch Koops' fartbox.

Koops: AAAAAAAHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME! PLEASE!

Flurrie started chasing Koops in circles.

Flurrie: PREPARE FOR A SLOPPY RIM JOB FROM MADAME FLURRIE!i!

Mario: Guys! Quit fooling around! Now that those dumbass boos are partying, I think we have a better chance of making it through those doors that were being blocked!

The bombastic team of M made it back up to the 1st floor where they saw 1 boo floating talking to himself.

Koops: Whoa! Check out that taco stand.

Goombella: That's a boo. Wait, how to get taco stand from boo?

Mario: Wait, where the fuck is the boo party!? And why is no 1 getting shit faced!?

Mario and his strange friends walked up to the saddened ghost wondering where the party at.

Mario: Where the party at?

Boo 4 (710): Sniff sniff... You're n-n-n-n-not going to h-h-h-h-hurt me, are you?

Mario: I'm… pretty sure I JUST asked "where da party at?"

Boo 4: So I guess you are gonna hurt me, are you..

Mario: Uhh... Goombella, what do we tell him?

Goombella: Tell him no.

Mario: hmmm...

Mario whacked the Boo in the face with a hammer: [4 Damage]

Goombella: MARIO, I SAID "NO!" NOT "COMPULSIVELY DECK HIM" YOU DRUNK ASS HAT!

Mario: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!? HE WAS ANNOYING ME!

Boo 4: OWW! THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! OKAY, THAT IS IT! COME ON OUT BOOS! ALL 200 OF YOU! LET'S SPOOK THEIR ASSES INSIDE AND OUT!

Flurrie: THAT MAKES ME EVER SO RANDY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!

200 Boos came out from everywhere in the lobby and took shit over.

Yoshi: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT!

Koops: HAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

They kept trying to possess the Team but couldn't do it.

Mario kept swinging his hammer with enough force to become a helicopter of pain, Goombella used her flashlight helmet and a laser cannon knocking a bunch of the boos back, Koops kept running around in circles in Sonic the Hedgehog's running pose with his pants off causing the boos to keep running into each other, Flurrie was the 1 who was chasing the boos cause no 1 wanted to possess her disgusting Flurrie body, and Yoshi kept trying to Kamehameha the boos but then resulting to just punching them cause it was easier that way.

1 boo accidently paranormally entered Flurrie and possessed her by mistake.

Boo 5: EWW! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Boo 5 left Flurrie's body for the obvious reasons.

Boo 4: Alright! I guess this isn't working! I think... we need to … COMBINE!... ATTENTION ALL BOOS, IT IS TIME TO ASSEMBLE! INITIATE; ATOMIC, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Boo 4: STAND FORTH, AND WITNESS THE POWER OF WHAT AN ARMY OF BOOS CAN REALLY DO!

All of the boos started running into each other polymerizing into 1 giant morbidly obese boo the size of your room. I don't how big your room actually is. So use your imagination! Or if you've played the game, you can probably just remember what he looks like instead.

Atomic Boo (Age 300 - 1000): Me he he he he heeee.e... Prepare to get spooked cause you 5 wanderers aint gonna stand a ghost of a chance! Get it? MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Now let's bOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoss battle!

Mario: Great. This guy is already doing damage to me. Brain damage.

[MINI BOSS BATTLE MODE]

* Mario: Power Level 90

* Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 7/88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 3/10

V.S.

Atomic Boo: Power Level: 120

Battle Music: B.C - Year Zero by Ghost

[TURN 1]

Atmoic Boo: I'm gouling to haunt you all down 1 by 1! And DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!111111111

Yoshi: Is dat the creature that be turnin asses into pigs and shit!? Cause if so, I'll be all li-

Mario: No! Keep in mind that these boos that formed into that 'giant heart attack' were in a box for however long ago. No, I think we actually have another boss coming up after this. Goombella! Time to tattle!

Goombella: Sure! But you better let me fight this round!

Mario: Granted.

Goombella uses tattle: This is an Atomic Boo. Despite it being made out of 200 boos, it has a power level of 120. Which is odd, cause that would mean that each boo has a power level of 0.6. The reason why it's odd is cause I'd really suspect each boo to have a power level of 18. So wouldn't that mean that Atomic Boo's power level should be 360? I don't fucking know. It's attacks involve making out with us, sitting on us, or spitting ghosts at us! They all sound like perverted moves when you think about it, BUT THEY'RE NOT, FLURRIE!

Flurrie: OH YES THEY ARE!

Mario: Shut up and watch me attack!

Mario uses double jump on Atomic Boo doing a slight: [4 Damage]

A bunch of boos in his atomic body pussed out and left

Atomic Boo: YOU HALLOWEINERS! Is that all you got? Feast your eyes and watch this!

Atomic Boo covered his eyes with his hands thinking it would actually make him invisible!

Atomic Boo: HAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA! Now you can't see me! Cuz I vanished! You're all shriek out of luck now, you ghost busting hooligans!

Mario: ... Really? All 200 or how many there are of you left really think that you turned invisible by covering you're- Nevermind. I mean, Oh no... you got us... shiiiitttt...

Goombella: Does he think we're infants or something?

Mario: The fuck if I know...

[TURN 2]

Mario: You know what? Lets use the star we haven't used yet.

Mario held up the Star of Greed!

Yoshi: Finally!

Mario: And now to get greedy... Like what if I stole this entire steeple for myself and turn it into a porn hotel where I make errotica in. I can call it… HOTEL MARIO! Nintendo actually had that idea 1ce for their own business before they became a video game thing. Maybe if I took over Nintendo for myself, I can-

The star started glowing and levitated

Mario there we go!

Soon enough, a bingo looking hologram spawned with icons of powering up offense and defense.

Mario: Holy shit!? What's going on!? How do I work this thing!?

Koops: TRY USING YOUR MIND TO BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! *panting* CONTROL IT!

Mario controlled the bingo thing with his Mario mind causing all of their attack power to power up by 2, and defense by 2. This makes Mario's power level increase by 240, and Goombella's by 170!

Goombella: Holy shit! Koops was right! Maybe the acid trip was for the better.

Mario: AHA! See that you bulging fuckwad!? You look like transparent Jack Nicholson preparing for a role as the boulder for the next Indiana Jones movie where he has to eat 10000 doughnuts to look like you! You're not scary nor are you at all a threat, you paranormal abomination of a creature-fuck!

Atomic Boo: YOU... DESCRIBED ME!? HOW CAN YOU EVEN SEE ME!? HOW GHASTLY!

Goombella used multi bonk on the fatass atomic boo doing an atomic ass blasting load of: [17 Damage]

Atomic Boo: OWW! YOU JEEPER-CREEPER!

At this point, more than half of the boos have up and left the atomic boo.

Atomic Boo: Alright, take this to your graves! I HAVE AN ULTIMATE BANSHEE BLAST ATTACK JUST BREWIN IN MY CAULDRON!

Mario: Enough of your shitty ghost/ halloween puns already!

Atomic Boo: DRAWN IN MY ECTOPLASM!

Atomic boo shot out 60 boos at Mario and Goombella only doing: [4 Damage Each]

Aomic Boo: 4... DAMAGE?! WHAT A SPI-RIP OFF!

Mario: HA! OUR OVERPOWERED POWER UPs made you look like a jackass just now!

Atomic Boo: YOU JACKOLANTERN! When I'm done with you, you'll all be bobbing for apples like a gay green phantom!

Mario: Is that even a threat!?

Atomic Boo: IT IS WHEN I SAY IT!

[TURN 3]

Goombella used a powered up double bonk on Atomic Boo: [10 Damage]

At this point, more than 3 quarters of the fat boo are gone.

Atomic Boo: I got a joke for you, Knock, knock.

Goombella: Who's there?

Atomic Boo: Boo.

Mario: Wait I sec. I know what happens after this, so I'll just skip to the critiques! Boooooooooo that joke SUCKED!

Atomic Boo: BUT I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FINISH IT!

Mario: AND YOU NEVER WILL!

Mario uses an average double jump on the fatigued Boo leaving 0.6 of a regular sized boo to remain: [8 Damage]

Not so Atomic Boo: ... Fuck this gangar! I'm killing myself! See you all in Helloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Not so Atomic boo ate himself inside out making him vanish into nothingness.

Mario: Couldn't saying "See you all in Hell" work just fine rather than referencing Helloween?

Mario leveled up to Level 12 boosting up his FP.

Mario: We've needed to do that for awhile now.

[END OF MINI BOSS BATTLE]

Mario: HA! They we're even more retarded than I had realized! My fucking fuck that was easy! Like, there was 200 of them, and they only gave us 4 damage. But that doesn't even matter cause I leveled up which HEALS US!

Flurrie: Is was most ghastly I agree...

Mario: Don't you start with the ghost puns too!

Yoshi: Well I'm glad dat shits over. Imma finish this Dragon Ball episode up already!

Koops: I TOLD YOU THAT MIND THING WOULD POWER US UP!

Mario: Yes, yes you did. You actually did something useful on acid for 1ce.

Koops: Well yeah, I am the Lizard King after all! *does a proud pose* I can do anything! Even control the Omniverse!

Mario: Shut up Koops.

Mario: Let's just head to the door now since we killed the boos it seems like.

[Outside of the Steeple]

Mario and his unholy team walked through the door that the boos are no longer possessing taking them outside on a path to another part of the steeple.

Goombella: So Mario, about this sub-chapture title. Is it also a reference to anything?

Mario: Yeah. It's based off of the Slayer's 1984 EP; Haunting the Chapel.

Goombella: How exactly do you know all this stuff?

Mario: I just do. No questions needed.

Yoshi: Man, this episode be hard to watch with Koops' ass smelling like shit!

Koops: That's 'Lizard King' to you!

Yoshi: WIPE YO ASS NIGGA!

Flurrie: I've been trying to! With my tongue!

Yoshi: FINE! I'll take 1 for the team...

Yoshi grabbed some random leaves he found outside.

Yoshi: Take care of it!

Koops: Thanks. Uhh... can you do it for me? I kind of forgot how to...

Yoshi: FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID ASS, ...! ALRIGHT! Bend over yuh fuck assed bitch! Ugg… I'm gonna hate myself for doin this shit...

Koops: Oh Boy!

Yoshi wiped Koops' ass with the leaves. Little did they know, it was poison ivy Yoshi wiped Koops with! IN A HAUNTED FOREST! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAACOUGHCOUGHCOUGHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Koops: THANKS YOSHI! WOW! MY BOOTY SURE DOES ITCH ALOT THOUGH!

The gang was then interrupted by a spooky blind gang of Swoopers. Don't know why.

Swooper 1: Hey! I smell people walking around in our turf!

Swooper 2: Wait, what do you mean? I can't see them!

Swooper 3: That's because we're blind stupid. What are you, def too?

Swooper 2: Fuck you're bat ass!

Mario: Hey look! More retard gangs! Blind 1s!

Swooper 3: You're a blind retard! We own this house, you know!

Yoshi: You blind ass bat bitches don't own nothin!

Goombella: ... I don't think these guys are the monster we're looking for neither...

Yoshi: Hell the fuck no they ain't!

Flurrie: Mmmm... Let's hope they have bat rabies! I've always wanted to lubricate myself in rabies foam. Swooper 1: Man, this would be easier if our buddy was with us. Too bad he got killed off as a Glitzville fighter yesterday. Oh well, we'll kick these guy's optical asses for Sir. Swoop!

Swooper 2 and 3: FOR SIR SWOOP!

Mario: Doesn't ring the bell.

[BAT MODE]

* Mario: Power Level 90 Level 11

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 88

* Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 15

V.S.

Swooper 1: Power Level 15

Swooper 2: Power Level 15

Swooper 3: Power Level 15

Battle Music: Elimination by Overkill

[TURN 1]

Koops: Gee wizz-wackers! You gotta let me fight and use my Lizard King powers to zap these butterflies to zap them to the extreme!

Mario: No Koops! Go find a retard corner to sit in and fuck off! And 1 of you partners watch him this time! Flurrie! You do it!

Flurrie was eating the poison ivy used to wipe Koops.

Flurrie: OKAY!

Koops: Aww SHUCK YOU, MARIO!

Goombella used her tattle of no damage on 1 of the Swoopers: These are swoopers. Incase you haven't noticed they're a Mario game species renaming of bats. Blind bats that seem to rely on smelling us. Talk about Bat Shit Crazy right!? Alright…. They have a power level of 15 and they hang on the ceiling. So attacking them might be a bit tricky. Also, they suck on you like a vampire. I guess that's all there is. Kind of filler enemies don't you think?

Mario: So clearly, they're hanging from the ceiling, and can't be hit with a hammer, ... Or... Could they?

Mario used his hammer throw badge for the 1st time. For some reason, the ugly bastard needs a fucking badge just to throw his hammer. Wait, I have an idea. A majical wooden hammer appears in his hand that Mario uses to throw at swooper: [4 Damage]

Swooper 1: OWW! MY LEG! I mean... HEAD! I CAN'T TELL! I'M BLIND!

Yoshi: I got a new move too nigga! Check it!

Yoshi uses mini egg blast for the 1st time as he shat out 3 eggs, and threw 1 at each swooper shrinking them to half size also cutting their attack in half and dealing: [1 Damage Each]

Swooper 1 uses neck suck on Yoshi to regenerate some of the HP lost from the last attack: [2 Damage]

Yoshi: EEWWWW! Nigga, you gay!

Swooper 2 does the same to Mario. Note, unlike Twilight, they actually have fangs when they bite, that made you bleed: [2 Damage]

Mario: What the fuck!?

Swooper 3 also sucks on Mario's neck for the sake of HP and nothing more: [2 Damage]

Mario: YOU PIECE OF FUCK!

[TURN 2]

Yoshi: Damn Mario, do you think there's any way to counter their shit?

Mario: ... No, but I do have a quick solution that'll save us alot of time.

Mario reached into his mysterious inventory, and grabbed his bag of shooting star dust to snort causing the sky to turn slightly darker, and somehow descends a constellation of stars from space I think, and they all broke through part of the ceiling from the steeple instantly vaporizing all 3 bats under the cosmic radiation of the stars that also crushed their corpses. Talk about overkill right? The term I mean: [7 Damage All!]

[END OF BAT MODE]

Mario: And that's how you finish a boring battle!

Yoshi: DAHAHAHAAAAAAAMN! THAT IS HOW WE TEAM M FUCKERS PLAY OUR SHIT! STRAIGHT UP G!

Goombella: JEEZ! COuldn't you have pulled that out in an outdoor area!?

Mario: We are in an outdoor area. What's you're point?

Goombella: I mean an outdoor area where we're not under a ceiling! Those stars could have frikkin crushed us!

Flurrie: They were pretty stars through.

Koops: What stars?

Flurrie: You know... the 1s Mario conjured with his fabulous drug use...

Koops: Oh yeah... I'm sorry. I've been seeing stars all day so it's all good man... I also feel like a rainbow...

Goombella: How would that feel like?

Koops: Oh you know...

Goombella: You know... what?

Koops: You know that... you know!

Goombella: Whatever.

Koops: Can some1 help me scratch my tushy? I feel like it has a rash or something.

Flurrie It definitely does hunny. And I know rashes... Looks like Yoshi wiped you with a little dose of poison ivy…

Yoshi: Oh really? Shit… Sucks to be you then, loser!

Koops: Oh... uhh... cool!

Mario: Can we get going now!? I'm pretty sure the boss of this level is aware of our presence especially after we destroyed a 10th of his house just now.

[Back inside the Creepy Steeple]

Team M made into a room with a staircase leading to the 2nd floor. Yeah, apparently, there is no such thing as a door that takes you directly into this room on the 1st floor. Talk about convenient craftsmanship eh? Just for the sake of the game making, you gotta go through several dumb puzzles that insult your intelligence. Also, I have to note that there are 3 door paths with 1 flight of stairs leading to the middle path only.

Goombella: Okay good. Finally, a stairway!

Koops: WHERE!? WHERE!? HOLY SHIT! I DON'T WANNA DIE!

Goombella: Relax Koops. You're just tripping as usual...

Koops: Then why am I Donald Ducking it?

Flurrie: Mmmmm... What an elegant term for walking around with no pants nor undergarments... I can go look for t for hose dirty things for you.

Mario: No time. We gotta impale some spooky monster ass with my magnificent Mario foot! Come with me!

Goombella: Hmmm... Is it me, or is a little odd that there are 3 door holes where there are 2 hall ways we saw in the 2nd floor from the 1st earlier? I feel like I should have pointed that out earlier.

Mario: Overthinking leads to wasted time! Let's hop these stairs already!

Koops: AAHH!

Goombella: Whoa. What was that about?

Koops: Oh… No reason. I just had to scream in case Freddy Krueger was in my head.

Goombella: He enters dreams, not your hea- Why am I stooping to this!?

Mario: Alright, like it or not, i'm gonna hop these stairs!

Mario started dashing up the stairs like a fat nerd running up the stairs at Comic Con.

Goombella: I just don't remember there being a middle path...

Mario opened the door and just when he realized that he opened a door without a floor, he fell face 1st on his stomach from a story high dropping him back to the 1st floor with more loose teeth than ever and a bloody forehead.

Mario: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

Goombella: See what I mean guys?

Mario smashed a hole through the wall blocking his way back to the stair room his teammates were in.

Mario: THIS IS HORSE SHIT!

Goombella: Looks like some1 doesn't know everything about haunted levels after all..

Mario: I'm gonna chuck you at the wall and make it look funny if you don't shut up!

Flurrie: My oh my... What ever do you suppose we do to solve this unresolved stair hole mystery?

Koops: WAIT! I HAVE AN IDEA!

Koops ran out the door back into the outdoors for some reason.

Goombella: God damnit Koops! You better not run off again!

Goombella ran after the drug induced turtle to make sure he doesn't get lost like he has been lately.

Yoshi: Dayamn! That was a good ass Dragon Ball episode! Straight up G! Yei. Sorry my ass be all distracted with dat shit. But now imma be more active in what's goin on since I feel like we gettin close to the next boss!

The staircase suddenly shifted over to the door path to the left.

Yoshi: Oh shit! Them stairs are possessed all up in the steeple!

Flurrie: Mmmmaybe it has a mind of it's own...

Koops and Goombella came back to the room.

Koops: I figured it out guys! My Lizard King voices in my head told me to hit a jump switch outside to move the stairs.

Goombella: I'm not gonna lie. He actually did figure that out. While on acid too!

Koops: I am on Acid!

Goombella: Yes Koops. Yes you are/

Mario: So Koops actually instinctively found something useful due to his acid trip again? Holy shit!

Koops: Aww shucks guys...

Mario: Shut up Koops. Now we can ACTUALLY head to the 2nd floor without cartoonishly brushing off E.R. worthy injuries like they're nothing.

Goombella: No Mario, only you do that.

Mario punched Goombella really hard in the nose area.

Goombella: OWW! WHAT THE FUCK MARIO!? WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?

Mario: Now we can both share the fun.

Later after Goombella brushed off the punch to the face like nothing happened, the Team of Trouble made it up the stairs. Unfortunately, it was not the path leading to the next door. Although...

Mario: ... OH COME ON!

Flurrie: WHat's wrong?

Mario: The- The fucking door! It's on the OTHER HALLWAY! Damnit Koops! You had to press the wrong switch on the left side, didn't you!

Goombella: Wait a sec. Don't declare "Damit Koops" just yet. See that lock locking the door on the other side? We would need a key to open it anyway.

Mario: A key you say? Fuck that. I was gonna smash through the door anyway. Or the wall next to it. WHatever works.

Yoshi: Found it!

Goombella: Wow! That was fast! Where?

Yoshi: It was just resting on the hallway all casually and hwat not. Damn. Y'all nigga need to be lookin around more often. Cause y'all are gettin beat by Koops man. Is that an expectation y'all really wanna live by?

Mario: Yeah, we've been way ahead of you on Koops being a retard.

Koops: Yei! Now shut up Webster!

Yoshi punched Koops in the dick.

Koops: OWW! RIGHT IN MY KOOPA MUSHROOM!

Flurrie: I thought it was the balls that were sensitive...

Mario: Okay! I figured out a short cut!

Goombella: What?

Mario: Every1! Hop on the Flurrie! We're riding her over to the door!

Flurrie: *GASP* YAY! All abort- I mean, all aboard the Flurrie train!

Flurrie: BUckle up buckaroos!

The non floating Team M members hopped on the morbid cloud creature to the door.

Goombella: Okay, from now on, let's always keep in mind that Flurrie can fucking fly. Cause this is the 2nd time we could have done that and could have skipped so much more shit that way.

Mario: You know we won't.

Soon enough, they made it to the door and up some spooky spiraly stairs leading to a trampoline that will lead to the next boss. That felt alot quicker compared to our last chapture huh.

Flurrie: That was the fastest journey to the boss' lair ever huh gentlemen? With all of this time to kill, would any of you 4 like to orgy with the Flurrie before we fight this ghoulish ratscallion?

Mario: No, cause I honestly would not fuck any of you even if I had a loaded gun to my head.

Goombella: Gee... Thank's alot Mario...

Koops: Yei... gee... thanks Mario...

Flurrie: I like guns to the head. They make me all randyyyy!

Koops: Hey guys? Does my butt still have a rash?

Mario: Yeah. Yoshi did wipe your ass with poison ivy you know. If you want details, it's starting to do that yellow bubbly oozing thing that horrible rashes do when they get THAT infected.

Goombella: YUCK! It did get alot worse then last time I saw it.

Koops: Well that's good guys!

Goombella: You need to see a doctor about that immediately!

Mario: Where the fuck are we gonna find a doctor in this region?

Goombella: Well aren't you a doctor in some games?

Mario: That's Dr. Mario. He's just my celebrity double incase I get shot. Super Smash Bros. Melee made that abundantly clear.

Yoshi: Just lettin y'all this right now, if dat nigga above us even TRIES to turn any of us into a pig, I'll be all like, "AY! NIGGA! YOU WANNA MAKE US INTO PIGS!? YOU WANNA MAKE US INTO PIGS!? WELL GUESS WHAT!? I'MMA MAKE YOU MY PIG!" And that's where I tie his mouth to his dick and make him take a taste of his own hog! And then I'll be all like, "AHA BITCH! WHAT NOW BITCH!? WHAT NOW!? HOW YO BACON TASTE!? YOU LIKE DAT, YOU GAY NARCISSISTIC BITCH NIGGA! HUH!? YOU LIKE SUCKING YO OWN DICK!?" Then I'll be all-

Mario: Alright every1! We are all hopping on the trampoline at the same time for dramatic effect!

Flurrie: I got a better idea!

Flurrie sucked up all of Team M into her mouth like Kirby.

Mario: YOU FUCKING BITCH!

Koops: NOT AGAIN!

Flurrie: LET'S SKEDADDLE!

Flurrie hopped on the trampoline into the room on the steeple with the boss inside. Wanna read all about it? Find out in Chapture 5 - 10: For THIS is who the hell Trolls!

Chapture 5 - 10: For THIS is Who the Hell Trolls!

1 second later prior from this Sub-Chapture, the consumed Team inside of the wretched Flurrie made it into the room of the creature who's been turning the town into a bunch of filthy swines. Finally, you non Paper Mario fans who are too lazy to google image characters can receive a shitty description of him. I'll describe him in a bit.

In the meantime, FLurrie spat out the team after almost being tempted to swallow them in a senselessly sexual way.

Mario: God damnit Flurrie! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! FUCK YOUR BREATH!

Mario Puked on Yoshi.

Yoshi: WATCH WHERE YOU PUKIN, NIGGA!

Koops: Look guy's! It's Tricky Dick Nixon!

Koops pointed to the monster that appears to be this thing with a white blanket used to hide his identity with 2 red demonic eyes sticking out. Imagine a troll creature wearing a cheaply made halloween looking ghost costume with a blue cheesey wizard hat with red stars and a blue ribbon that he bought from Party City. Also, he was seen sitting in his crusty chair animating porn of female characters from Sonic the Hedgehog farting on eachother while he be masterbating... to his own "artwork."

? (Age 40): SUP FGTS! Wht r u retardz dooing interrupting my "ANIMATION/ MASTERBATION" time?

Yoshi: EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW! FUCK DAT SHIT MAN! SICK!

Goombella: AWW YOU GOTTA BE BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! KIDDING ME! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING!?

?: LOLZERZ! What's wrong brah? Uz btchs gotz prolbems with my C-reez 'Sonic Girls Farting'? I'm working on Episode 5 right now! I'm gonna get soo many SUBZ! Especially from the S.D.C. (Sonic Diapering Community!)

Mario: The fuck? ... Please don't tell me that's a real thing..

?: LOLN00Bz! m doingz this to celebratez ziPWNINGz of thoze FGTz n TWATlight town trning thm n2 n00b $$ pigGAYz!

Koops: HAHA!

Goombella: What's so funny?

Koops: Oh sorry. I thought I saw a bunch of clowns doing a drive by...

Yoshi: So hod up! This IS really dat monsta nigga dat's been turning all em asses into pigs and shit!? Man, he look like a bitch. No, better yet, A BITCH ASS BITCH! STRAIGHT UP G!

?: LOLz! U R A B!TCH $$ B!TCH U NGR! I guess U R Probably wondering Y IV been tr0llingz all of tose fgtz huh?

Mario: Nope. Not 1 bit. We're just here to bend you over and murder-fuck you with a metal pineapple plain and simple.

?: Well...

D- I mean... ?: U C, teh REEZIN WHY I'm tr0llingz them N00Berz iz becuz I waz trying 2 show teh townz ppl my YTPs to gain SUBz, and even SUB4SUBz. What does YTP mean you ask? "YouTube Poop!" And get this, liek, no 1 lolled 1 bitz. They just keptz calling my Zelda CDI, SatAM, and Super Mario Super Show YTPz "lame" "unfunny" and "random access humor." S0 I Lolledz back by asking them "umadz?" And they didn't even ACT MAD! Infact, THEY IGNORED MII! So then the Mayor reportedz & bannedz mii from his SH!TTY town! Since those unfunny n00bz werent lollingz 2 mii, I figured Id start tr0llingz them even harderz than everz by bilding a majical airhorn that turnz n00bzerz into pigGAYz! And it workzed! They're all sad retard pigz and I haxxed n2 thr reel livez and ruined themz! TALK ABOUT IRONY HUH!? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLLL! And now, the nxt course of actionz iz... whtz d00 I d00z wit Uz?

Goombella: Wait, slow down, can you PLEASE explain where the fuck the "irony" was in that plan?

Mario: Soooooo... From what I can already gather from just meeting you, you're a fucking loser with no life who dwells in a steeple spending all of your time tr0lling and masterbating to shameful fart fetish porn. Well, before we fight, let Team M introduce ourselves!

Mario and each of the Team M members turned around and exposed their butts to the creepy loser troll with the retarded LOLOLOL laugh. They all mooned him in the order of joining the team. Keep in mind that they still have ass tattoos from Darkly on the left butt cheek. Also keep in mind that Koops still has a bad ass rash from the poison ivy.

Mario: MARIO!

Goombella: GOOMBELLA!

Koops: JIMMY NEUTRON!

Flurrie: Flurrie...

Yoshi: YOSHI, BITCH!

?: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! THAT WAS LIEK, MAD UBR OVR 9000 GAY PNTZ! WHR DID U FGTz get those tatts from? A GAY BAR!? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLZ0RS! Allow me to show you how I take care of FGTs!

The stupid ghost creature who wears his blanket to hide his true identity from being seen for troll reasons ran to his Giant Air Horn machine sticking out of his Steeple and pushed the button connected to the machine and turned Mario into a pig.

Air Horn: HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

And NOW Mario's a pig.

Goombella: MARIO!

Yoshi: OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL NAW!

Koops: HAHA! What? Where am I?

Flurrie: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS! BEST ORGASM YET!

Pig Mario was just standing there looking super pissed at the anonymous troll.

Goombella: YOU… YOU SON OF A BITCH! HOW COULD YOU TURN OUR LEADER INTO A FUCKING PIG, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!?

Yoshi: DATS IT! I'M SAYIN IT! AY BITCH! WHATCHU DOIN TURNIN OUR ASSES INTO PIGS AND SHIT! IMMA WHOOP YO ASS YOU FOR DOIN IT BY KNOCKIN YOU DA FUCK OUT WHILE I KILL YO ASS AND BRING YOU TO LIFE JUST TO KILL YO ASS 1000000000000 GOD DAMN TIMES WITH THE DRAGON BALLS YOU SHIT ASS SHIT FUCK BITCH WIBBLY WOBBLY FUCK LICKER!

Goombella: Dude. You've been like, changing that threat around 4 or 6 times now.

?: W0W! Tht's L0Ltasic u filthy NGR! How boutz I PIGOWN u next thn?

Yoshi: SUCK MAH YOSHI EGGS, BITCH!

?: L0L, U s0 mad brah! I hrd u liek mudkipz!

Pig Mario: THAT'S ENOUGH!

Suddenly, Mario's human hands started ripping out of his pig form's back as if the pig body became some kind of locus shell. It's similar to Arin Jager breaking out from his Titan form from Attack on Titan. And yes. I've watched that anime too. So basically, Mario being trenched in pig blood bursted out of the grimy pig corps like it was nothing.

Goombella: HOLY FUCK!

Yoshi: DAYAMN!

Koops: MARIO! YOU'RE ALIVE!

Flurrie was busy eating her bloody boogers.

?: NOz! Impossiblez! How... DID Uz COUNTERz MY SPELL!?

Mario: Have you all forgotten!? I already have a curse where I can sweat bacon grease! Making myself perpetually immune to the pig spell! So good luck turning me into a pig, you blister clit!

Goombella: As happy as I am that you can do that, how does that make ANY sense!?

Mario: It doesn't! Yet it still works anyway! SO DEAL WITH IT, CUNT!

Mario: As for YOU, fuck ass! By the time this fight is over, I will morbidly force fuck you with every ounce of blood and diarrhea in my body till it comes out your mouth and you die!

Yoshi: WHAT HE SAID!

Flurrie: Yummy…

?: GAY!

[B0SS BATTLE MODEz]

* Mario: Power Level 78/90

* Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 88

Yoshi: Power Level 50/55

FP: 10/15

V.S.

?: Power OVER 9000! tbh, it's 120

Battle Music: Trololololol

Just Kidding.

Battle Music: Under Bergets Rot by Finntroll

[TURN 1]

?: Dont b so sure u jerkops can beet mii! I bet u bozos don't even lift! As for ur WOP leader, u look like a gay fat old hybrid of Ron Jeremy and Chris Farley whose eaten and fucked too many donuts! U look gay, and jewish, and no 1 loves you! Where did u get your clothes frm? Teh Gay Pride convention?

Mario: You do "You look like a" comments too huh? Well you know what? You look like a psychotic fugly degenerate mental patient who doesn't even know how to put his own god damn straight jacket on right. You're parents we're probably too poor afford bath tub water to drown you in, so instead, they discarded you into a haunted forest after they found out how much of a pathetic ugly loser you are. You also probably hide under that semen blanket cause of your creme brulee looking acne problem you ugly holocaust oven burnt victim looking autist!

?: Uhhh... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Goombella: Ugg... Here we go... I better do a tattle before this keeps up.

Goombella uses tattle on Doo- I mean, ?. Sorry, I almost let his name most of you already know slip out.

Goombella: This is... Well... to be quite honest, I have a picture of his tattle, but it doesn't seem to come with his name at all. It's 8 question marks, so I assume his name has 8 letters. So I'll just call him Douglass. He looks like a Douglass or something like that. Okay. So this is Douglass. He has a power level of 120 with an HP level of 40. So he seems to have the exact same stats as Atomic Boo so he shouldn't be too hard to beat. Also, I should note that he can transform himself into looking just like us. I guess that's all there is to know so I don't think he'll be too much harmful than that. Especially in comparison to Chompo Grubba.

Koops was busy seeing how long he can spin without falling to prevent the existence of the Roman Empire.

?: I CAN DO KNOW!?

Mario: I'm just gonna...

Mario preformed a double jump with the 2nd jump being a ground pound on the troll with no known name just yet. Oh shit. Potential spoiler! Not really: [6 Damage]

?: LOLOLOLOLOL! Uz liekz 2 hit me wit your $$ U GAY $$! I haven't lolled so hard since I took an arrow 2 da kneez! Get it! Cuz Skyrim exists!? Okay, now watch THIS!

Air Horn: HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Flurrie: OH YES! OOOOOOH YES YES YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS! SO MUCH FLURRIE CUM EVERYWHERE!

The annoying internet troll pulled the lever- I mean, button turning Goombella into a pig.

Mario: DAMNIT!

?: LOLOLOLOLOL! NOW SHES PIGBELLA!

[TURN 2]

Mario: God damnit! Koops, you're up...

Koops was busy laying on the ground after spinning from the dizziness of spinning around too much. You've all done that before at some point in your lives, right? Good. So I'm not crazy?

Koops: BLERG!

Koops puked a little bit on his face.

Koops: I'm a woodpecker guys.

Mario: Useless dipfuck... FLURRIE! JOIN!

Flurrie: Yessir!

Mario traded in Flurrie

?: Wanna see what's underz my blanket!?

Mario: No.

? lifted a his blanket up half way unveiling his greenish greyish brownish wrinkled troll body under-torso wearing a pink bikini.

?: Uz got TROLOLOLLED!

Mario: No. Actually, you kind of trolled yourself there dude.

Flurrie then attacked ? with a painful grand slam Denny's boob joke attack smacking his ever loving shit: [5 Damage]

?: L0Lz Timez 4 anotha 1 of u 2 turn N2 a GAYpig!

The creature with the question mark for his username turned Flurrie into a pig! ... a literal 1!

Pig Flurrie pigasmed out her wet pig pussy. Talk about fan service for beastiality lovers huh!

Mario: SHIT!

?: L0LZ! I IZ FTW!

Mario: THAT WASN'T EVEN A REAL SENTENCE, RETARD!

[TURN 3]

Mario: Yoshi!

Yoshi: FUCK DAT SHIT! I AIN'T TURNIN INTO NO GODDAMN PIG!

Mario: DO IT! He'll probably turn you into a pig anyway despite if you're tagged in or not.

Yoshi: DAMN NIGGA! WHY YOU GOTTA BE GIVIN HIM IDEAS AND SHIT! AIGHT! FINE!

Yoshi used a 5x ground pound attack on the BR00TLELOLCOWXD: [6 Damage]

?: IMMA FIRIN MAH PIG SPELL!

? turned Yoshi into a pig as well with the power of the air horn machine.

Mario: FUCK! Now I'm all out of useful partners!

Koops was still laying down gargling his puke to summon the great Chalupa in the sky.

[TURN 4]

Mario: Alright... Fffffffffcuck.

?: LOL! U N00BZILLA! WATCHU GONA D0z WIT N0 PARTNERz BRAH!?

Mario: SOMETHING CLEVER!

Mario used his hammer throw badge to threw a wooden hammer so hard at the Air Horn machine through the wall, that it exploded causing every single person who has been impacted by the shitty spell to turn them all back to normal.

Goombella: YES!

Flurrie: Aww... Flurrie isn't a pig anymore...

Koops: ZOMBIES!

Yoshi: YEI! BITCH AINT BE TURNIN MY ASS INTO A GODDAMN PIG NO MORE!

Koops: IN YOUR HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD! IN YOUR HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEAD! ZAHHAMBIES! ZAHHAMBIES! ZAHHAMBIES! ZAHHAMBIES!

Mario: Damnit Koops! Stop singing Cranberries!

Battle Music: Chemical Warfare by Slayer

?: WHAT!? MY... U... Uz DESTROYEDz MY AIR HORNz!

Yoshi: MAN GONZALES! YOU BETTER NOT PUT MY ASS IN DAT PIG POSITION EVER AGAIN MOTHA FUCKA OR I'LL PERSONALLY WHOOP YO ASS!

Mario: You couldn't "whoop my ass" if you tried, bitch. Speaking of whooping ass, you know what to do.

Yoshi: Oh yei.

Yoshi performed another quintuple ground pound attack on the shitty troll: [6 Damage]

Suddenly, the Star of Lust popped out of the busted Air Horn machine and landed on the laptop smashing it.

?: MY LAPTOP!

Goombella: LOOK! THE STAR!

Mario: Ha! Holy shit. I honestly forgot that was why we were here in the 1st place.

?: U N00BIXCUBES! BACK OFF MY STAR OF LUST! It's what I use to hurt people by thinking of horny thoughts with! Watch this!

? held up the Star of Lust like how Mario's done it.

?: MMMMMM YEAH! I'M THINKING ABOUT CREAM THE RABBIT FARTING INTO MY MOUTH AS WE SPEAK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I IZ H0RNY!

The star started glowing and he started levitating in the air and started circling around the team doing a move known as "Art Attack". Which is not actually 1 of my usual distasteful jokes this time, but 1 from the ACTUAL GAME ITSELF! Just incase you're too stupid to figure out that Art Attack is derived from the term 'Heart Attack' which can distastefully reference the deth and tragedy of loved 1s! Who am I kidding. I'm pulling this all out of my ass! You know, as you can tell, I'm not good at pretending to be sensitive. #niggerkikewopholocaust9/11AIDSAfricaabortionrapeISISFurgasnspikcancerfaggotSchoolShootingsSuicideBillCosbyBruceJennerBlacklivesmatterFEMA. There. all out of my system... For now... Oh fuck. I forgot about the battle. The star drew a rainbowey circle around Team M 3 times cutting them up everywhere: [9 Damage]

Koops: HAHAHAHHA! THAT TICKLES, BILL NYE!

Goombella: HEY! YOU CAN'T ATTACK ALL OF US WHEN WE'RE OFF THE STAGE!

?: JUST DIDz SLUT! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Mario: WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS GUY GET SP FROM!?

?: I GOT IT IRONICALLYz!

Mario: WHAT!?

?: PHAIL PLUMBER IZ PHAIL!

Mario: … It pains me how much I can't wait to kill you right now.

[TURN 5]

?: LOLz! DID Uz KNOW THAT GIRL FARTS HAVE A HIGHER DOSAGE OF HYDROGEN SULFIDE!? THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL WORSE THAN GUY FARTS! ISNT THAT HAWT!

Mario: THAT'S IT! YOU HAVE ANNOYED ME FOR THE LAST TIME! I'M USING 1 OF MY STARS NOW!

Mario raises up the Star or Wrath for a course of action.

Mario: I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU CLUSTER CUCK I HOPE YOU FUCKING KILL YOURSELF IN A FUNNY WAY!

The Star started glowing and growing as if I haven't made that joke 4 or 6 times in the series by now.

Mario: JUMP ON, RETARDS!

Mario and the rest of Team M hopped on the star.

Goombella: Won't this destroy the steeple?

Mario: WHO CARES!

They jumped on as the Star of Wrath to grew into the size of your fat fucking mom and nearly destroyed the steeple... but didn't. But at least it did this much damage: [6 Damage]

?: LOLz! Uz star was weaker than mine you FGT!

Yoshi did another ground pound attack on question mark man and did usual: [6 Damage] Which totally didn't make Mario's star attack look pathetic as all shit.

Goombella: Say, how come you never use the Star of Envy anymore?

Mario: It's really hard to coordinate. Don't you realize how close we we're to being the 1s frozen in time back when I used it? Plus it's hard for me to feel envious anyway.

?: WHAT A L0LACAUST! TIME 4 MII 2 DU A MOVE Iz beenz waitingz to d00z. Check it!

The troll man's red eyes from his troll disguise blanket glew causing him to majically transform into a purple shadow version of Mario.

?: How do u liek mii now brahzkeez? I iz u nowz! I have Uz haxxorz and now I can do all of Ur moves now N00bzers!

[TURN 6]

Mario: Oh yeah!? We'll let's see if you can copy this!?

Mario ripped off his mustache and transformed it into a Big Metal Boomerang yet to perform another Super Mario Boomerang attack.

Mario: SUPAH MARIO, BOOMERANG!

Mario chucked his mustache boomerang at the bizarre troll.

?: I CAN COPY THIS, N00B!

? mimicked the Super Mario Boomerang attack causing the 2 boomerangs to clash together causing electricity to spark out of the 2 clashing moves.

Mario: Shit! He's got 1 of my best moves matched!

?: LOLOLOL! NICE TRY U N00BIZZMAL FGT!

Goombella: DId he just skip over Yoshi's turn?

Yoshi: Oh yei! I almost forgot!

Yoshi was about to perform yet ANOTHER ground pound attack when suddenly,

? countered Yoshi by punching him in the Yoshi Eggs… I mean, balls: [-1 Damage]

Yoshi: AWW SHIT DAT HUR- BLEEEEEERG!

Goombella: Did he just punch an infant in the testicles? What a dick...

?: I CAN EVEN COPY THE COUNTERS 2! JUST LIKE MARIO, U NGRFGT!

[TURN 7]

Mario suddenly bursted out of nowhere during the boomerang blitzbash when ? least expected it.

Mario: FINISHING MOVE!

Mario used his Power Smash badge making metal spikes come out of his hammer.

Mario: SUPAH MARIO, HAMMER TO THE FACE!

?: LoonaticsUnleashedIsMyFavoriteShow!

Mario preformed the attack successfully knocking him the fuck out winning the battle 1ce and for all!: [6 Damage]

[END OF B0SS BATTLEz]

Yoshi: AWW YEI! AWW YEI! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! DAT SHITS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT NIGGA!

Mario: Yeah guyz. Now all we needz to do iz grabz the star and WII R OTTA HEER!

Mario grabbed the Star of Lust from the unconscious purple shadow Mario looking thing.

Goombella: What the? Why are you talking like ? ?

Mario: Sorry. Itz was a little contagiousez that's all. Now come on! NOW WE CAN PARTAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Koops: WEEEEEE!

Mario: Come on! Let's go celebrate N00Bs! I mean... Retards!

Flurrie: It sure is a shame that we didn't find a new sexy partner this chapture...

Goombella: Ehh... I don't see that happening this time.

Yoshi: Yei, fuck dat shit in a asshole!

Koops: I have a boner guys!

Team M: SHUT UP KOOPS!

Ending theme: Bruce Falcorner.

So now, Team M has beat the boss and left the building and into yet another party as always. The town is restored, and every1 is totally 100% back to normal with their normal bodies and with no full blown confusion whatsoever! Every1 important is happy and every1 won in this chapture! Now, Team M is going to party their asses off as they are now totally a Team of 4 Stars now! So now, they're done for the chapture and you won't hear from them till the next chapture I release in a few months. What other adventures awaits this tardtastic team? Well why don't you stay tuned for the next exciting episode, of SUPER MARIO, AND THE 1000 YEAR DRAMA!

-To be Continued

Credits:

Credit Music: Expose Yourself to kids by GG Allin

Creator: IAMMASTER!

Based on a True Game

Okay, so in all seriousness now, you don't really think the chapture would be over with all this space left over right? Well congrats if you're reading this, because you're not nearly as completely retarded as I thought you were. Although that's not saying much is it. Alright! Now to TRULY start resolving this chapture 1ce and for all. This might take a few sub-chaptures though! Now let's get started… AGAIN!

Chapture 5 - 11: Hand me the glorious SuperBongBong!

If you think I'm starting this off with what's going on with Team M, well guess what? You are ded wrong! And I totally spell checked the shit out of that too! Have you all forgotten about that shit I was developing with the Shadow Sirens during this chapture!? We're starting off with that shit!

Oh yeah. Almost forgot,

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 12:19 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

[Twliight Town]

So as you know, all of the townspeople are back into their normal sack like bodies. Minus the beheaded 1s of course cause you know, they're fucking DED! But we're talking about other characters right now! And so, the 3 Shadow Sirens emerged from the ground up in the middle of the town to discuss business of how to do away with Team M 1ce and for all! Also, the townspeople did not pay attention to them in any way for whatever reason. They were just happy to be sack people again and shit.

Beldam: Mwee hee hee hee hee... Yehe-he-he-he-he-he-he-hessssssss-s-s-s-sssss... This time we'll surely be the end of the line for that wretched T-t-t-t-t-t-team M now won't we?

Beldam took an injection of heroin straight into her shriveled veins.

Beldam: With our n-n-n-n-n-n-newest invention built by the X-Naut sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-scientists, there's no way in Greek Mythology we can f-f-f-f-f-fail now!

Marilyn was busy eating a crow alive head 1st with it's wings flapping everywhere outside of her mouth. After swallowing it, she had feathers all over her gross shadow face.

Marilyn: Guh Guhguhguuuuuh!

Vivian was anxiously trying to tune everything out by listening to a catchy Ramones song that's been stuck in her head due to her series of stressful punishments.

Beldam just finished sniffing some glue just now.

Beldam: Now Vivian,

Vivian was still distracted.

Beldam: TODAY VIVIAN!

Vivian: Oh uhh... what? Sorry...

Beldam jabbed her finger in Vivian's face.

Beldam: SORRY NEVER CUTS IT! NOW L-L-LISTEN UP!

Marilyn was trying to eat 1 of the town's people.

Beldam: What I want you to do is, hand me that glorious SuperBongBong I gave to you!

Vivian: What? SuperBongBong? ... Uhh... I hate asking this, but what's that again?

Beldam pulled Vivian's hair with her grimey heroin teeth.

Vivian: OWW!

Beldam: DON'T YOU DARE PLAY DUMB WITH ME YOU STUPID HARLETTBITCH!

Vivian: No really! I honestly have no idea what you mean!

Beldam: So that would mean you are confirming that you WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO THE PLAN YOU ADHDSLUT! F-f-f-fine... I'll reExplain it to you're stupid BOY ears.

Beldam pulled out a marker for the sole purpose of sniffing it. And nothing more.

Beldam: The SuperBongBong is a d-d-d-d-d-d-device that we are going to use to get really high before Team M arrives! We'll get higher than a n-n-n-n-nnormal bong could get us! We'll get a majical kind of high that will turn us into super powerful dedly blood thirsty steroid v-v-v-v-v-versions of ourselves that will slaughter those pesky fools! MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Beldam huffed a crazy amount of tar oil from a paper bag.

Beldam smacked Vivian in the face is usual.

Beldam: YOU LOLLYCONNING WORM! HOW D-D-D-DARE YOU BACK TALK TO YOUR SUPERIOR!

Vivian: But sis… I didn't say anyth-

Beldam punched Vivian 2ice in the fucking face and kicked her on the ground with her tail leg thing causing Vivian to fall down.

Beldam: I AM NOT F-F-F-FCUCKING KIDDING AROUND, YOU AUTIST! YOU LIE, YOU TALK BACK TO ME, YOU DON'T EVEN LISTEN! MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE LET GRODUS KILL YOUR GOOD FOR NOTHING SHADOW ASS!

Vivian: Sniff... sis.

Beldam: YOU ARE NO SISTER OF MINE! You're a lousy abomination and an insult to this planet! I needed you for 1 THING! AND YOU F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FUCKED IT ALL UP BY LOSING OUR G-G-G-G-G-GLORIOUS SUPERBONGBONG! ... You really are useless... You're not even good enough as a pair of arms if you can't even pay attention and lose shit all the time.

Vivian: I swear! You never g-

Beldam picked Vivian up by her hair.

Beldam: I NEVER WHAT!? TOLD YOU ABOUT THE PLANS!? I NEVER GAVE YOU THE SUPERBONGBONG!? THAT'S A LOAD OF SHIT AND YOU KN-KN-KN-KNOW IT! JUST LIKE YOU, YOU FRACTION WITTED MORON!

1 of the sack people walked up to the drama.

Freddy: Is there a problem here?

Beldam: NO! FUCK OFF AND DIE!

Freddy: Uhh... How bout we compromise and I just fuck off then...

Freddy fucked off and went back to his house to watch the drama.

Vivian: Beldam...

Beldam: YOU LOST THE SUPERBONGBONG! DEAL IT THAT!

Beldam tossed Vivian back on the ground.

Marilyn just ate a tree in 1 gulp.

Beldam: Liston, you, mean, NOTHING! TO ME! YOU MAKE ME WANNA SMOKE! *lights up cigarette* You are not even important enough to be a useless filthy CUNT!

Vivian on the ground curled up, and started crying her eyes out. Assuming she has eyes.

Vivian: But... you just called me a-

Beldam: You are an idiot CUNT *kicks Vivian on the ground* and nothing more! *continues kicking her in the face* I'LL SAY IT AGAIN! YOU'RE A CUNT! CUNT CUNT CUUUUNT! NOW! Unless you don't wanna make your life easier and kill yourself now, Marilyn and I are gonna take a well-earned s-s-s-s-ss-s-ssiesta. What's a siesta you wonder? A NAP! I MEANS "NAP" YOU RETARD-CUNT! And what I want you to do, is FIND the Superbongbong that YOU lost and NOT ME! When we get back, you will have it for m-m-mm-m-m-m-mmm-m-me. Cause if you don't, you understand what the consequence will be right?

Vivian: p...p...punish-

Beldam: LOUDER!

Vivian: ... punishmen-

Beldam: SPEAK, LOUDER!

Beldam elbow dropped Vivian on the back.

Vivian: PUNISHMENT! PUNISHMENT! PUNISHMENT! PUNISHMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT!

Beldam: WRONG! *burns out cigarette on Vivian's left cheek* Not just punishment, ETERNAL PUNISHMENT! Meaning if you fail this task, you will die. Forever! I promise. I'll even spare Grodus he trouble and kill you myself! This is your last chance. Do not f-f-fuck this up. UNDERSTAND CUNT!?

Vivian: ... mmmhmmm... Yes.

Beldam: COME ON MARILYN! IT'S NAP TIME!

Marilyn was seen eating a giant metal burger structure used as an ornament to hang on the top of a burger joint named Epic Burger thinking it was a real burger. Didn't Homer Simpson do something like that 1ce?

Beldam: MARILYN!

Marilyn: GUUUUH!

Beldam and Marilyn vanished into the ground as Vivian was left to look for the Superbongbong on her own.

Vivian: It's not fair... I'm actually gonna die soon if I don't find this thing that I've never even SEEN before... ... I just... just wish some1 could step in and stop this all from happening... *sniff*...

Freddy was seen still looking out his window staring at the troubled Shadow girl not really planning on helping. I think he just likes to watch people. Maybe he just has a kink for watching girls crying. Or maybe he's waiting for her to fall asleep so he can appear in her dreams. Oh wait, i'm thinking of a different Freddy.

Chapture 5 - 12: Shadowyer Mario

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 12:32 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

[Creepy Steeple]

At last, ? just woke up after that badass defeat from Mario and his strange team mates.

?: Ugg... Where the fuck am I? I don't remember getting drunk last night...

? started looking around with that dull "just woke up"" feeling.

?: Where the fuck did everybody go?

?: ….Wait... why are my arms... purple? Maybe i'm just on an acid trip for all I know.

? Started looking at himself into the mirror to observe his purpleness.

?: What the? MY ENTIRE BODY IS FUCKING PURPLE!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHILE I WAS OUT!? THIS DEFINITELY DOES NOT FEEL LIKE A DRUG TRIP! AND I KNOW 'DRUG TRIP' BY THE WAY!

?: D….DID THAT SON OF A BITCH STEAL MY BODY!? OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD DAMNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

? started smashing and tearing everything up in the creature's room with no respect for his property whatsoever. Then again, why should he respect him after stealing his name and body as if it wasn't obvious already.

?: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD DAMNIT FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK FUCK FUCK A CUCK BITCH CUNT FUCK COCK ASS FUCK! THIS IS BULLSHIT! BULLSUCKING SHIT!

?: Hmm...

The shadow man looked around and noticed he still had all of his items from his inventory despite any logical sense being made whatsoever. He still had the 1st 3 stars, the majical map, his badges, his hammer, shoes, item box, hell even Goombella fucking tattle log book!

?: Well, minus the 4th star, name, body, and crew, I still have everything else for some reason even though that makes ABSOLUTELY NO GODDAMN SENSE! I EVEN STILL HAVE MY VOICE!

?: You know what? Fuck it. He stole my body, so now I'm gonna steal some of his shit.

? looked in ?'s mini fridge and found a bottle of Eagle Rare Whiskey.

?: ZINGO! Alright... Maybe I'll steal 1 more thing to "kind of" satisfy me after all this BULLSHIT!

? grabbed ?'s fancy computer chair for no reason as well as the whiskey.

?: Mwahahahhahahahahaaaa... That'll show him…. I'll show all of him!

[Twilight Trail]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 12:43 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

Drunk Music: Garbage Dump by Charles Manson

? was walking back to Twilight Town sulking and drinking the whiskey straight out of the bottle like the depressed drunk he is. Yes, he was still dragging ?'s chair on the ground while he was drinking and walking clumsily through the forest. He kept slightly running into trees to keep his balance at times. All and all, it's similar to that scene from The Jerk if you've seen that movie.

?: Captain's log... star date... May 23rd 2004. THE WORST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE!

?: SNIFF SNIFF... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I LOST... EVERYTHING! I LOST MY ... MY BODY, MY NAME, I LOST EVERY1, I EVEN LOST MY NINTENDO CAREER!... I THINK. I'M NOT A BUM! I'M A JERK! A SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD JERK! I EVEN LOST MY TOLERANCE TO ALCOHOL I'M SO DRUNK! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I HATE THIS! I HATE MY LIFE! *bites off part of a tree* MAYBE... MAYBE I SHOULD JUST... KILL MYSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELF!

?: NO! I should... KILL EVERY1! THAT'S IT! LET'S BURN DOWN TWILIGHT TOWN FOR MAKING ME GO ON THIS ADVENTURE WHEREE I LOST MY BODYYYYYYY! Wait... did I just say "LETS?" I MEAN "ME" GET IT!? CAUSE IM LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONLYYYYYYYY!1 BUT LIKE IT OR NOT, I'M GONNA SHOW THOSE TWILIGHT TWATS AND THING OR 2 OF MY MIND! AND THE EVERY THAT MADE ME DO THIS! ITS NOT FAIR ITS NOT FUCKING FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR! NOT FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! At least I have this chair... and this... EMPTY BOTTLE I JUST FINISHED! WHY!? WHY IS THE BOTTLE SO FUCKING EMPTY!? MAYBE I CAN MAKE MYSELF KIND OF HAPPY IF I FIGURE OUT... HOW TO... FUCK A BOTTLE!

As Mar- I mean... ? figured out how to undo his drunk pants, a duo of Dayzee's showed up, 1 of them being the Crazy Dayzee that ran away 4 sub chaptures ago, and 1 of them was a shiny 1. And no, I'm not talking about shiny versions of Pokemon cause this is A FUCKING MARIO STORY!

Crazy Dayzee 2: Look look Master! That's the mean old man who killed my brother and 40 year olds that were going to molest me! And he's purple now! Tee Hee. I know cause I can see into his soul!

Amazy Dayzee (Age 13): Oooooh is that so... Well in that case, I, the master of the Dayzees knows how to handle mean old men.

?: Oh cool. Retarded victims I can take my drunk rage out on! ARIGHT! LET's *BURP* GET WITH THIS SHIT OVER WITH!

Mario thrusted his body unveiling his wicked mario boner. No whiskey dick for this guy!

[BATTLE MODE]

?: Power Level 3/90

V.S.

Crazy Dayzee 2: Power Level 11

Amazy Dayzee: Power Level 330

Battle Music: Fucked with a knife by Cannibal Corpse

[TURN 1]

Amazy Dayzee: Don't count on winning mister! My power level usurps yours by 110 fold!

?: Oh wait... You thought I wanted to fight? HAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA! No... FUCK THAT! I'M GONNA RAPE YOU!

Crazy Dayzee 2: NO WAY! IS HE FOR REALZEEZ!?

Amazy Dayzee: No. He's bluffing. There's no way you can do that during a [BATTLE MODE!]

?: LOOK AT ME IN THE PENIS AND TELL ME I'M WRONG! I'M WAY TO SHIT PISSED TO GIVE A FUCKING CUNT ABOUT [BATTLE MODE] YOU COCK SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING TITS!

? impulsively killed Crazy Dayzee 2 by whacking his fragile 5 year old head with an empty bottle of Eagle Rare Whiskey: [8 Damage]

Amazy Dayzee: Uhh... wait, so that mean's it's my turn, right?

?: Heheheheheee... Guesss again you shiny faggot!

? unzipped his pants exposing his BPC (Big Purple Cock) and raised up his purple shadowy rape arms getting ready to de-flower the golden Dayzee with no consent as ? slowly walked towards him ominously.

Amazy Dayzee: Uhh...UUUHHH... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Amazy Dayzee ran off into the horror woods as he was being chased by Shadowyer Mario who forgot about the chair he was dragging.

[END OF BATTLE MODE]

?: GET BACK HERE! I'M GONNA RAPE YOU, YOU SHINY CUNT!

[RAPE MODE]

Rape Music: Necropedophile by Cannibal Corpse

As the poor shiny golden Dayzee ran through the terrifying dark woods, the shadow of the horny Italian drunk-tard was slowly but surely gaining on his trail.

Amazy Dayzee: PLEASE SIR! STOP! I JUST WANTED TO GET REVENGE ON YOU! THAT'S ALL!

?: EXACTLY! YOU STARTED THIS, AND NOW YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE! WITH YOUR FLOWER!

The panicking Dayzee was running for dear life as he was slowly losing his breath and gradually running slower and slower by each step.

Amazy Dayzee: THIS ISN'T RIGHT! PLEASE! CAN'T *PANTING* CAN'T WE JUST TALK THIS OUT AND LET BYGONES BE BYGONES!?

?: NOPE! MY PENIS IS HUNGRY FOR YOUR BUTT! NOW GET OVER HERE!

Amazy Dayzee tripped on a root and fell and broke his foot. He was crying and shivering seeing his fate before his eyes.

Amazy Dayzee: P...PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS! THIS IS JUST WAY TOO DARK FOR THIS STORY! THINK ABOUT YOUR REPUTATION AS A MAIN CHARACTER!

?: BITCH! I STOPPED GIVING A FUCK ABOUT THAT LONG AGO! AND GUESS WHAT!?

Amazy Dayzee: What...?

?: IT'S RAPE TIIIIIIIIMME!

? pinned Amazy Dayzee down on his stomach, ? huffed a can of aerosol, and spat into his hand to rub his spit on his Shadowy dick as lubricate and began penetrating the shiny flower creature.

Amazy Dayzee: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1

?: I HOPE YOU LIKE HALLOWEEN! CAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE A TRICK AND A TREAT ROLLED INTO A JUICY COCK IN YOUR ASS!

? progressed the speed of his fiction as he was fucking the shit out of the paralyzed flower creature for about 15 cold bloody minutes of relentless non consensual fucking. The poor Amazy Dayzee was so tight down there, that he started to rip and bled all of his shiny butt blood to deth. On the bright side though, Shadowyer Mario did level up since Amazy Dayzees contain a high dosage of XP. He leveled up to 13 raising his HP up to 35 and his power level up to 105 finally being in the triple digits. I wonder why the Dayzee didn't fight back? Who knows. Keep in mind that these Dayzees are perverted psychopaths on their own terms so it's not so bad on ?'s reputation to rape demon flower kids to deth. If you didn't stop reading after the Gus scenes, you'll be fine. Hell, It's not even his own fucking body or name doing it, so it's A OKAY!

[END OF RAPE MODE]

After that horribly traumatizing scene that probably pissed some of you off, ? made it to the shed area in which he found a key a while ago, and is now almost close to Twilight Town.

?: Yes... Almost here, 1ce when I arrive to the shitty pig town, I will exact my confusing revenge 1ce and for-

Mario: SUP N00BAPHILE!

?: WHAT THE FUCK!? IS THAT YOU!? SHOW YOURSELF!

The "Totally Real" Mario somehow ripped a hole through the sky and popped out of that very hole and landed safely. The troll who was obviously in Mario's body who was hunched over for he did not fully master how to operate Mario's muscles just yet.

Mario: CHECKz IT 0UTz! I TOTAL-LY HAXXXXXXORZZZZ Uz! I HAXXED UR BODY ACCOUNTz! THAT'z RIGHT! I'M FUCKING MARIO N0WZERS! LOLOLOLOLOL! I GETTA BE FAMIS, DRINKz, PARTYz, AND FUCKz WHATEVER I WANTz! I GETz TO GO ON ADVENTUREz WHERE I SAVEz PRINCESS PEACH AND FIGHT TehBOWZER! I'M ALSO BROTHERS WITH WEEGEE! BEST OF ALL, I CAN FITz SO'z MANY THING'S IN UR GAYASS LIKE FORKS, AND CHEESE, AND GLASS IN UR ASS! U SO GOT TR0LLED BRAH! LOLOLOOOLOLOLOL!

?: YOU! YOU'RE THE FAGGOT TROLL I FOUGHT JUST AN HOUR AGO! YOU STOLE MY FUCKING BODY, AND NOW I'M GONNA BEAT IT AAAAAAAAAAALLLL OTTA YOU UNTIL YOU SURRENDER IT TO ME!

Mario: N UR DREEMZ FGT! IM MARIO! AND NO 1 WILL BELIEVE U CU DARK NGR! PLUS I HAVE UR SOCIAL SECURITY, ID, PASSPORT, EXPIRED COIN CARD, AND ALL THAT SHIT, N00B! BTW, Whn u performed tht OBVIOUS finishing move on miiz, all I hadz to doz waz chant a spell I thought of tht no 1 would ever think to say. Remember me chanting "LoonaticsUnleashedIsMyFavoriteShow!?" Of course Uz don't! REETARD!

?: Oh. Well in that case, LoonaticsUnleashedIsMyFavoriteShow! HA!

Mario: LOLOLOLOL! N00000000000000B, THATz NOTz HOWz ITz WORKz! THERE'z A MUCH MORE CONFUSING PROCESS 2 UNDO TEH SPELL THAN YOUR FEEBLE BRAIN CAN WRAP UR MIND AROUND! U HAVE TO FIGUREZ OUT THE PASSWORD 2 UR BODY AND I MADE IT IMPOSSIBLEZ SO I CAN BE SUPER MARIO FOREVER! TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! TROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

?: OH MY GOD! WILL YOU SHUT THE UPPING FUCK AND GIVE ME MY DISGUSTING BODY BACK!?

Mario: Not a chance brah. I'll tellz youz whatz. I'll give u 1 chance to figure out my irl name behind my user name. Go aheadz. I'm curious to hear what Ur blowjob mouth has to say.

?: Alright. Here's my 8 letter guess, 'FUCKYOU!' You think you're fucking cute or something? You look like a... You look like a ... fat... smelly... old... retarded...retard... FUCK! I NEVER PREPARED TO DO A "YOU LOOK LIKE A" COMMENT TO MYSELF EVER!

Mario: Cool sotry brah. U look like Grimace from teh Mcdonald's commercials who auto errotic asphyxiated himself so hard, that his entire bodyz became purple all overz!

?: YOU SON OF A-

[RE-BOSS BATTLE MODE]

?: Power Level 105

V.S.

Mario: Power Level 120

FP: 15

Battle Music: Hole in the Sky by Black Sabbath

[TURN 1]

? used a hammer attack on Mario the went right through him instead like an actual shadow and not that watery crap from Super Mario Sunshine Shadow Mario neither. A real shadow.

Mario: Oh ya. 1 more thing I forgot to mention, the shadow body I gave U cant hurt Ur actual body! Ur moves just simply go right thru me like a shadow, brah! Even if U can lift, Uz fucked, U FGT N00B!

Mario: But I can still hurtz u!

Mario used his hammer attack on ? doing the usual [4 Damage]

[TURN 2]

?: Wait a sec, I just realized something... WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY PARTNERS!?

Mario: Dnt worry, thr having a g00d time. I promise thr safe somewere. Somewere ull never find out about.

?: AAAAAAAHHHH! I'M GONNA FUCKING RAPE YOU SO HARD FOR THIS!

? uses piercing blow which still went through him.

?: OH COME ON!

Mario: Got lag bro?

Mario does another hammer attack: [4 Damage]

Mario: U dun bro?

[TURN 3]

?: I'm gonna try jumping now.

? attempted to jump on the hacked Mario, but went through and fell on his fucking face instead.

Mario: lol Really brah?

?: THIS BULLSHIT MAKES NO SENSE! THIS IS TERRIBLE STORY LOGIC EVEN FOR THIS GAME! AND I WILL DESTROY U!

Mario: Calm down brah. Itz not even Ur turnz yet.

Mario preformed a jump to mimic Question Mark Mario's move for the sake of being a dick. ? countered which did absolutely nothing.

?: BULL, SHIT!

[TURN 4]

Mario: Why dontz u go listen to Linkin Park and give up and cut Urself FGT!

? held up the Star of Wrath.

?: THIS BETTER WORK!

?: I HOPE YOU DIE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Mario: Umad? l0l, U s0 mad u n33dz to calm down brah.

?: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Star of Wrath grew into the size of holy hell as ? hopped on and did: [0 Damage]

?: OH COME THE FUCK ON ALREADY!

Mario: Nowz 4 my star move!

Mario held up the Star of Lust.

Mario: MMMMM! I'M GONNA THINK ABOUT ROUGE THE BAT WEARING NOTHIGN BUT A POOPY MLP DIAPER! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SOO H0RNAY!

The Star of Lust started floating and circling rainbowey circles around ? 6 times shattering parts of his skin doing a horrific: [18 Damage]

[TURN 5]

?:... *sigh* ... yep... yep... hyep... mmmhm...

For the 1st time ever, ? evacuated the battle and ran off into the direction of Twilight Town.

[END OF RE-BOSS BATTLE]

Mario: LOLz! Uz A RAGER!

Meanwhile as Mario went inside the shed,

Mario: SUP HOMEYS! READY TO PARTAY!?

Yoshi: Hell yeah! I just finished Dragon Ball Episode 8 too, motha fucka!

Goombella: Yeah, but what are we doing in this shed when we normally celebrate with towns people or something?

Yoshi: Yei. What up with that G?

Mario: Oh, you know, I just thoughts we'z hang hear, cause u know, fuck those twatlight sack goblin weirdos, nothing beats partying in a shady wooden trap house shed! Right guys!?

Flurrie: It's such a lovly deviant shed for many deviant activities.

Goombella: Yeah, I guess that seems like something we'd do. Have any of you seen my tattlelog book? It's been driving me CRAZY looking for it!

Flurrie: I wish I can help you my sexy Goomba, but even deep in the folds of my fat, I can't find it. Or my butt.

Koops: Maybe you left it back in the steeple or something?

Goombella: I hope so. Yeah, you seem like you sobered up a bit Koops.

Koops: Yeah I did. Sorry I was being weird today. I just wish I could find some pants or underwear to put on or something. Like, gee wizz, what actually happened while I was tripping? Cause like, I can't remember what really happened not since 5 - 8 started.

Yoshi: Man, you like, kept sayin shit like, "I control the omniverse" n' shit. Then you ran off for a while. So we like, had to find yo ass and when we did, you crapped yoself, then you ditched your shit ass pants and I wiped yo ass with some of dat poison ivy. It was an accident though, nigga. Also, you kept callin yo ass "the lizard king."

Flurrie: It was a lovely experience for Flurrie to witness… And very tasty chocolate coated poison ivy leaves.

Koops: Aww man... No wonder why it hurts so much to sit down. My tushy must be all infected and shit, huh?

Goombella: So out of curiousity, what was the experience like? Just overall I mean.

Koops: Wow... That's alot to take in at 1ce. I definitely shouldn't have done all that before going to a haunted forest I guess, lol. I was hangin with Kirby in Dreamland, I fought That Anime Guy from Malcolm in the Middle, i fell into a real twilight zone, I even met Dixie Kong. But none of that was real so I don't know. Over all, it was just alot of crazy vibey undescribable shit all at 1ce. I'm just glad it's over and that i'm still alive.

Mario: O yaz, I 0vr hrrrd u just now and what uz was sayin, Dixie Kong is real.

Koops: Huh?

Mario: Yeah! She's my drug dealer! I think she's here now!

Dixie Kong: Hey Doo- I mean, "MARIO!" hehe! I got your quad ready. Do you have the 90 coins bitch?

Mario: Bitch, Uz know I got Uz 90 if U got mah quad bitch! I swear, uz be uppidy uppin dos pricez n' shit!

Dixie Kong and Mario traded coins for weed, and now, Team M with the fake leader now have dank ol' weed to smoke.

Yoshi: Maaaan, you can't talk like a real nigga with that annoying troll voice, bitch!

Koops: NO WAY! SHE'S REAL!?

Dixie Kong: Yeah, I'm real. I was collecting some weed for your leader to trade with me!

Mario: That's right, and now we'z gonna get high AF ngrz! Also, I notice Uz all b fatigued frm [BATTLE MODEz] Y'ALL FINALLYz GONNA TRY S0M SHROOMS TO HEAL AND CELEBRATE!

Goombella: IT'S ABOUT TIME U LET US HAVE SOME! Also, when is that voice contagiousness from Douglass gonna wear off?

Mario: When ever Iz Feelz liekz itz! NOW LETS GETz HIGH AF!

Chapture 5 - 13: Inferiority Complex

[Twilight Town]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 1:33 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

?: Alright, here I am! TIME TO BURN THIS PLACE THE FUCK DOWN!

Gate Faggot Guard: Hey sir! Did you hear? Mario defeated the creature and now we're all back to normal! He's a real hero isn't he? I think even though the troll is ded I think, I think i'm gonna stay as a gate guard so I can get payed to play with my sack balls all d-

?: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

? decked Gate Faggot Guard in the face knocking him out.

Sack Mom: How do you do fine shadowy traveler? We'll it seems my kids and I are safe now since the pig spell has been reversed. That Mario is some man, huh? With his overalls, and pedophile mustache, and gritty 5 0 Clock Shadow! You want something to eat? Perhaps maybe a-

?: FUCK YOU, CUNT!

? also decked Sack Mom in the face.

?: *heavily panting* Now to see what I can buy in the shop to start a fire with... Maybe some gasoline… and a lighter! Heheheh FIRE! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!

[Twilight Sparkles]

? entered the town shop; Twilight Sparkles buying himself a stop time watch, and a super lightning blotto.

[Inventory: 1 Life Shrooms,1 Harry Potter Cloak, 1 Galactic Alien Zombie Dragon Vadgelly Juice, 1 Super Shrooms, 1 Ultra Shrooms, 1 Earth LSD, 1 Stop Time Watch, and 1 Lightning Bong]

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: Thank you for the purchase sir for you see, since the pig spell ended, I realized I was in a mix up cuz the pig that was here wasn't my husband at all. This guy instead is much hotter and looks like he can makes more money than my husband, ... Also sex is better with him too.

New Husband (Age 27): True that.

?: And thank you for the fine purchases madame, but perhaps do you have lighter fluid and some matches? I simply wish to partake in the dubious act of arson upon your town for you see, my body has been stolen from me and am indeed pissed and have issues of misplacing rage. So can you help a poor gentlemen on his journey of destroying your livelihood-

Sack Girl Shopkeeper: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, ASSHOLE!

?: FINE! FUCK ALL Y'ALL!

? drilled a hole through the wall with his shadow hammer and left the shop.

[Twilight Town]

?: HERE'S A TIP FOR YOU! THE TIP OF MY HAMMER THIS TIME!

? did a quake hammer attack that obliterated the shop and killed the Shopkeeper and her new Husband.

?: GOD DAMNIT IF I DON'T FIND SOME FIRE SOON, I'M GONNA-

? suddenly notice the young 1000 year old Vivian crying while still looking in the bushes for that thing she'll die if she doesn't find.

Vivian: Sniff...sniff...

?: Hey! It's that shadow bitch trying to bann porno! ... According to Goombella. Sweet! I getta burn a witch too!

Vivian: Sniff... Sniff... Sniff... It's not fair... It's all over for me... What'll I do? What'll I do? Poor me...

?: HA! "Poor me" WHat a dumb line...

Vivian started covering her eyes as she was crying up a tear storm from her non exposed eyes. She every so often rubbed them.

Suddenly, ? got to thinking.

?: ... *sigh* I think... ... I better…. go do something to help...

? walked up to Vivian.

?: Alright, let's get this over with.

? dropped his pants which got Vivian's attention as he signaled her to suck his dick.

Vivian: Sniff...snifff... Sorry... I would, but...*sniff*... I'm having a HUGE problem right now... Trust me... You don't want any part of this.

?: OH, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!?

Vivian: Please... *sniff* just GO! For your own safety! PLEASE!

?: GOD DAMNIT ALL! IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! LOOKS LIKE I CAN'T EVEN GET CONSENSUALLY LAID WITH THIS SHITTY PURPLE BODY AFTER ALL! POOR ME! THAT'S IT! THERE'S ONLY 1 THING LEFT TO DO; KILL MYSELF! That will be the next best thing next to killing that fucking blanket! SO LONG WORLD!

? walked to the warp pipe and tried leaving down it. Unfortunately, ? is not in his Mario body which has an ass tattoo of his name on him. Therefor he cannot leave Twilight Town since there's no tattoo people nearby.

?: NOTHING IS WORKING FOR ME! THAT'S IT! SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN 5, 4, 3, 2-

Vivian: Sniff... If only I can find that SuperBongBong thing Beldam wanted me to find...

?: Hold up hold up hold up... Super...bongbong? Elaborate please.

VIvian: PLEASE! Just... leave me alone! I promise you! You don't want any part of what's going on with me right now!

?: Have you been looking in that 1 bush for it the entire time? Have you even tried looking in any of the other 9 bushes here!?

Vivian emotionally fell on the bush face 1st crying while having a mild anxiety attack.

Vivian: WHY AM I ALWAYS CORNERED!? IF I DON'T FIND THE SUPER BONG BONG... MY SISTER IS GONNA ACTUALLY KILL MEEE!

?: Hmmm...this "superbongbong" must be SO super, they had to call it "Bong" 2ice... Say, shadow girl, it's a super bong bong you're looking for right? ... And you have weed!?

Vivian: mmmhmmm...

Vivian lightly nodded her head vertically in a "yes" motion while still laying on the bush face 1st.

?: SAY NO MORE! I'M ON IT!

? tried looking really hard to find the super bong bong in various bushes and with some scavenging competence, ? found the green bong with the white skull on it in 1 of those 9 bushes Vivian didn't bother to check for the hour she spent checking.

?: HAZA! YURIKA! ZINGZANGZIBBIDYBOP! YARY! I FUCKING FOUND IT!

?: HEY RETARD! I FOUND IT!

Vivian: HUH!? OH MY GOD, YOU FOUND IT!?

?: THAT'LL BE 1 PETER-PUFF, PLEASE!

Vivian: WOW! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

?: Except I have to ask, why the FUCK is there a crack in the bong?

Vivian: A crack?

Vivian began to examine the bong closely...

Vivian: Wait... where's the crack?

?: It's right there. See it? It's kind of on the bottom. To the right of the skull.

Vivian: Oh, can you uhh... point to it for me?

?: Hold on.

Vivian: What?

?: Hold on. You have to kind of tilt it in some light to see it.

Vivian: Oh. Alright, like this?

?: No, a little more to the light.

Vivian: OH WAIT! THERE IT IS!

Vivian: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It... It is broken!

?: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1

? and Vivian: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

? and VIvian puked in the ground for different reasons regarding the bong.

Vivian: Oh shucks... It must have broke when Beldam dropped it I think. I know it wasn't me. You can trust me, right?

?: Uhhh... sure. Why not.

VIvian: Oh no... What do I do now? If I don't fix it, Oh man... I'm getting killed off! I just know it!

?: Hmmm... Let me see if I can fix it...

? started licking the crack to see if it would glue it together. Whos the retard now?

Vivian: Uhh... Not to be rude, but I don't think it works like that...

?: GIVE IT TIME GOD DAMNIT!

? suddenly got a sharp cut on the tip of his tongue from licking the crack on the glass.

?: OWW! DAMMIT ALL!

Vivian: Aww... You're so sweet... *blushes*. You know, even though I'm pretty much ded, I actually... I don't know... feel sort of... better now. Better than I have in DECADES! You're the nicest person I've met since... I don't know... I can't remember! It's been so long! WOW!

Upbeat Music: Hybrid Moment by the Misfits

?: I guess... good you for. At least 1 of us can be happy.

Vivian: Hey, come on! Don't be that way... hold on! Sorry... where are my manners hmmhmm... My name is-

?: Vivian! Yeah yeah... I already know.

Vivian: Wait what? Haha. How!?

?: Uhh... I'm 1 of those guys who knows people's names on instinct. IT'S A REAL THING! Trust me.

Vivian: Neat! So now I have to ask, what's your name?

In ?'s head: Wow. She really hasn't figured out who I am?... Ha. Fucking moron...

?: My name? You don't know who I am!? I'M FUCKING ?!

Vivian: Oh cool! It's nice to meet you ?!

?: NO! That's not my real name! It's ?!

Vivian: Im... confused... I thought you just said that...

?: Shit... ... Okay, so if you think you have problems, wait till you hear this. I got fucking cursed by this troll thing that stole my fucking name and body. So I guess part of this shitty curse is that I can't even say my name without saying "?" IT SUCKS! Wait, let me try writing it.

? pulled out a pen and wrote "Mario". When he showed it to Vivian, it read "?".

Vivian: A question mark?

?: DAMNIT! FUCK THIS CURSE!

Vivian: So you lost your name AND your body? We'll I guess that's understandable. It happens to the best of us here and there sometimes.

?: WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKING STUPID!? No it doesn't!

Vivian: Oh right... gee wizz... Mybad. I can be pretty stupid sometimes... all the time... *sigh*...

?: Well... at least you're actually aware of it. That put you at a step above most people I know in terms of smarts.

Vivian: Really? THANKS! That means alot to me!

?: Wait, are you being serious right now?

Vivian: So let me get this straight, you lost your body, name, and just about EVERYTHING!? Friends even!? and you still went out of your way to help me? THATS AMAZING!

Vivian was waving her arms in compulsive excitement.

?: Ummm... well... "helping you" is a bit out of context i'd say. I wanted to get-

Vivian: YOU NEED A FRIEND, NOW! ALRIGHT!? I'm sorry. It isn't like me to interject so rudely, but SERIOUSLY!

?: Uhhh...

Vivian: Imma joinin' your party!

?: No. Please don't. Seriously. No more teammates. I really didn't ask you to-

Vivian: Here we go!

Vivian has Joined Your Party!

?: GOD DAMNIT! AND SHE STEALS MY LINES TOO!

[INITIATION MODE]

?: God damnit. This isn't happening! She's not even a new character!

Vivian's Abilities: A Primer

?: Can some1 explain what the fuck "A Primer" means already?

Vivian can do all kinds of cool shit. Like punch enemies causing them to set on fire (which she could do in chapture 3, but never got a chance to). She can also grab ? into the her shadows under the ground in a non sexual way.

Vivian hugged ? from the back

Vivian: GOTCHA!

?: Uhh... Whatever you're gonna do, DON'T!

Vivian pulled ? underground into a shadow puddle.

?: FUUUUUUUU-

This ability hides ? and Vivian into a safe spot underground. Unfortunately, they can't teleport when she has ? with her. They can only stay still in the same spot.

?: THAT ABILITY IS FUCKING CREEPY! YOU'RE CREEPY!

Vivian: Oh. Sorry. I'll give you more warning next time. hehe.

?: I'm starting to wonder if you have fucking ears under that hat!

[END OF INITIATION MODE]

Vivian: Thank's for letting me join!

?: You walked yourself into my team, you spaz!

Vivian: So now what? How do we find some clues on how to fix the spell?

?: Ehh... Well, actually. You know what I do with partners when they join Team "?" ?

Vivian: ... What?

?: Son of a bitch stole my ability to say my team name too! *sigh* Anyway, this is my version of an initiation mode.

? pulled out some rolling paper he also stole from ?.

?: Getting really fucking toked.

Vivian: Hmm?

?: Uhh... You bake?

Vivian: Like, cook food? No. I mean, I can use fire powers if that helps!

?: ...*facepalm* God damit... You're almost as slow as Koops. DO YOU SMOKE MARIJUANA OR NOT?

Vivian: Oh! ... Uhh... You see, like, I used to... I don't anymore cause it triggers alot of bad pent up anxiety issues of mine… sorry...

?: *Sigh* You lame ass... You have the weed though right?

Vivian: Uhh... Yeah! It's in my hat! This is 1 of the things I KNOW I had on me! Wanna know why? Cause Beldam thought she had it on her!

?: Sweet! Then let's get spacey! Or... I guess I will and you watch me get spacey.

Vivian: Uhhh... Yeah, but I'm a little nervous though... What if-

?: If you're sisters catch you, I'll kick their spooky shadowy asses agai- I mean, for the 1st time! I mean, just who the hell do you think I am!?

? did a badass Kamina pose where he spreaded his legs, and pointed up to the sky with his eyes closed.

Vivian: *blushes* Something about you... I feel like I can really trust you! It's gotta be your confidence! It makes me feel like... everything will be fine! It feels like…. a symbol of hope! *sniff and smiles* Well alright! Have at it then if you need to!

Meanwhile, ? and Vivian were sitting around while she watched him blaze up all the weed.

?: Dude! This is some great weed! I haven't felt this good a high in awhile.

Vivian: DO NOT CALL ME D- ... Oh…. oh my god...I'm sorry... I over reacted. You didn't mean "Dude" like you were calling me a boy, right?

?: Relax. I just say "dude" as an expression sometimes...

Vivian: Oh... gosh..I'm really sorry... It's been awhile since I've talked to any1 outside of my family... This is embarrassing, but to be honest... I'm a little... sheltered. My older sister Beldam made a rumor about me being a boy all over histories tattle logs and the internet, and any1 that hears about me thinks I'm a boy. Not that there's anything wrong with that if it was true. It's just false information that's only been used to bully me, so it's hard for me not to get a little upset by it. Like, even Miyamoto must think I'm a boy. So... Again, sorry...

?: Cool.

Vivian: I usually keep watch in an island out on the Atlantic Ocean. I've lived there since I can remember! Like 1000 years!

?: 1000? What the fuck? You don't seem 1000.

Vivian: Seriously! I actually just turned 1000 last April not even a month ago!

?: Damn. You're old as fuck! I honestly would have guessed 20. What the fuck have you been doing!? Like, how the fuck did you spend all that time?

Vivian: Well... I've never knew or even know if I have a mom or dad. Back in the earlier 1000 A.D, my sisters and I would sing to sailors to lure them into the rocky coasts and crash their ships. We would spend that time collecting treasure and junk like that. My sister specifically wanted to find this ancient treasure chest with a map inside that opens this door that's a little bit older than me. We eventually found it though. According to Beldam, the treasure chest it was in smelt like the treasure map so we took her word her it. I mean, she ended up being right though. I remember when I retrieved the box, I saw all these heavily wounded sailors who were at their deth. I felt so bad that we've been bring such harm to them for centuries... My sisters never even told me what deth or any of that was. So I had to figure it out on my own the hard way... She took the treasure with the map, but we couldn't open it cause none of us are pure hearted according to Beldam. I sure wasn't allowed to touch it. I haven't spent much time outside of the Siren island. Siren is my last name by the way. vivian Siren.

?: You sound like you're getting some kind of contact high from me.

Vivian: I wasn't really allowed to spend much time off the island. I wasn't allowed most of the time. Every time I left for a vacation, my sister Beldam had to supervise my 2nd oldest sister Marilyn and I. Sometimes I've wondered off on my own by mistake. I'd get punished sexually though... I guessed you could say that she's molested me for quite some time now….. What changed my life was when I bought the 1st Ramones album in 1976. It got me into punk music. I also like other rock and metal bands too. But mostly punk like Stooges, Ramones, Misfits, Black Flag, Bad Brains, Sex Pistols, Minor Threat a bunch of stuff. Basically, anything that would play in the credits theme to these chaptures. As long as it's not GG Allin. He's done some stuff that bothers me. But yeah, it took me over 900 years to find my taste in music! It was great cause music was ded to me after finding out what we were doing to sailors... But I actually started getting into electric bass playing. Since my other older sister Marilyn has electric powers, she would power up my bass amp and cassette player. It was hard hiding them from Beldam though. She would smash my stuff, beat me up, and molest me... Sometimes... I wouldn't even do anything wrong... She would just beat me up just for fun... This is actually the 1st time since the 90s since I've been of the island on my own!

?: My god. You are rambling up something fierce. I didn't ask for you're life story!

Vivian: I know, sorry... It's annoying... If you want, I can stop.

?: Nah it's cool. I'm way too high to really give a shit right now. I'm having 1 of those chilling and listening moments. Even though mostly everything your saying have been going in 1 ear and out the other or some shit like that, I'm still chill.

Vivian: Heh... It's fine. That actually helps me relax more! But yeah, recently, we got this job from this Sir. Grodus guy, to collect the 7 Dedly stars on the map. Recently, we found a way to open it, and now we're looking for the stars and the map to open the 1000 Year door. I forgot to mention, my sister sold the treasure to a pure hearted princess who opened it and then mailed it to an adventurer named Mario before my sister could get it back. Apparently, the adventurer and his team have the map and some of the stars by now. We fought them 1ce a few days ago and... lost pretty badly too...

?: You don't say.

Vivian: Yeah. We we're actually going to ambush them today cuz the team is around here somewhere from what I hear... And that SuperBongBong you found for me, My sister's plan was for all of us to get really high even though I'd just get a major panic attack instead! It was supposed to contain some kind of high to make us into bloodthirsty monsters with 10x our own power level and we we're supposed to be unstoppable and beat them or something... But to be totally honest, I don't think it really works that way.

?: Your sister you won't shut the fuck up about sounds really fucking retarded it's pathetic.

Vivian: And the worst part of this is, is that I know this whole thing we're doing with these X-Naut guys... is just... I don't know. It just seems… evil. I try not to listen to that gut feeling though... I honestly haven't felt like myself lately because of it... I tend to guess who or what I really am sometimes... I just don't know what to do about being stuck in that organization though... I feel rude thinking this, but they just kind of seem like nazis almost. I mean, I don't really have a say in it, but if it were up to me, I'd just be playing bass with a punk rock band of my own. I'd be on vocals too! I don't think I'm that good, but I'd still like to give it a shot! I mean, all I wanna do is play bass in a punk rock band. Not this stuff where we kidnap and kill people... It makes me sick. I've had enough drama where I wound up killing people in my life... Sorry...

?: What are you apologizing for now?

Vivian: I don't know. I get a little anxious when I talk. I'm... used to getting... hit when I say things... Especially about this kind of stuff... I haven't really met any1 that I liked in ... gosh golly... I don't even know how long it's really been to be honest.

?: So wait... I have to ask a question. Why the hell are you so obedient to your older sister exactly? I mean, it's not like she own you.

Vivian: But... She... kind of does though.

?: No. Fuck you! You're wrong. She doesn't own shit and you know it!

Vivian: ...

?: Look, clearly, you have an interest in punk music among any of the many other interests you could have formed in 1000 years. You won't stop talking about it. Don't any of those bands inspire you to stand up for yourself at all?

Vivian: Gosh... I… just... don't even know if I have it in me to go through all that...

?: You're actually doing it right now by talking to me as we speak! Sure it's under their noses, but it's a start for people like you. You know the song Rise Above by Black Flag?

Vivian: Oh course! It's 1 of my faves!

?: Do that! Screw your sisters and everything they stand for. You're clearly not meant to be a villain. You're way too apologetic, you cry alot, you reek of inferiority complex, you can't even capitalize your own name when you speak, and you're obviously not into the whole X-Nazi operation anyway.

Vivian's non visible eyes and nazil region started watering a little bit along with her mouth starting to quivver.

Vivian: I just... just... I don't know what I am... or if I'm really evil or not... I don't know if I even deserve to...

?: Screw 'what you deserve' logic! You're sisters don't even deserve you! I'm not even that bad to my younger brother!

Vivian: I... Don't think I can-

?: OH FUCK THAT SHIT! FUCK ALL OF IT RIGHT NOW! You'll die if you don't! Make like Black Flag and Rise above! I mean, just who the hell do they think you are anyway!?

Vivian started facing down bawling tears in how hard ? just broke her just now.

?: Just believe in who you can really be. Sometimes, that's all you can do! Hell, that's what I do every day! Because of that, I never lose!

Vivian: Sniff... Oh my god... YOUR RIGHT! *PANTING* EVERYTHING! YOU JUST SAID! IS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE NEEDED TO HEAR THIS WHOLE TIME! I JUST… I JUST FEEL SO AMAZING RIGHT NOW! HOLY COW! THANK YOU! THANK YOU AGAIN!

?: It's what I do I guess. But I have to admit. I thought it was heavily implied you weren't goin back when you joined my FUCKING PARTY!

? took another hit off his joint like a badass.

Vivian: YOU'RE MY HERO! YOU KNOW THAT!?

?: Kind of.

Vivian: You're just... SO RIGHT ABOUT IT! EVERYTHING! I- I need to ditch my sisters! I- I- I need to do it! I need to do it... for me! For my hopes and dreams! EVERYTHING! *Panting* I'm ... I'm shivering in excitement just thinking about it! Oh geez... This is so crazy! YOU REALLY SAVED ME! SERIOUSLY!

Vivian hovered over to ?, and hugged the fuck out of him.

?: DO NOT PULL ME UNDER AGAIN!

Vivian: Thank you... I mean it... seriously...

Vivian gazed into the eyes of the shadowy drunk slowly...

Vivian: Sorry...

?: For what?

Vivian suddenly locked lips with ? and started passionately making out with him. ? being the kind of bastard who would fuck anything then proceeded to do so.

?: You know... You kind of remind me of a sister. Wanna have sex in that inn over there?

Vivian: *giggles* You know I do!

? payed the inn owner for the bed and to leave the fucking building for they were ready to partake in some loud thumping throbbing shadow shtickly. Looks like ? is going to enter some1's shadow's huh? Please don't kill me.

Chapture 5 - 14: Bird is the Word

Later after all of the Paper Mario fans had a long boring rhetorical debate about VIvian's gender in the comment section, the shadowy fuck buddies finished their coitus in the fucking inn.

Vivian: *YAWN!* Good morning ?.

?: It's only been 20 minutes.

Vivian: Oh right. It felt like a lifetime...

?: I think we have different perceptions of time. We're not all immortal you know.

Vivian: I'm... not immortal. I can still get killed off.

?: You know what I mean! Let's get back to the journey!

Vivian: You sure you don't wanna cuddle?

?: Nice try, but ? doesn't cuddle! Cause cuddling is for retards! Now let's go! I got a body to reclaim!

Vivian: Aww man...

? and Vix2+an left the inn and went outside to look for clues on how to get a name back.

?: You know, for a 1000 year old shadow, you're pretty tight down there.

Vivian: Why thank you! Oh hey, this is off topic, but I'm pretty amazed that my sisters haven't woken up from their siesta or whatever they call it, and caused trouble for us.

?: Maybe they know that I'll brutally rearrange their asses if they even think about fucking with Team ?!

Vivian: Wait a sec! What's that noise above us!?

Suddenly, the strange duo overheard a pair of timelessly racist crows from Dumbo chit chatting about random, but possibly useful shit to know about.

Crow 1: AY MAN!

Crow 2: YO YO YO SUP!?

Crow 1: AY MAN! SO, MAH DAUGHTER BE ALL TAKEN THESE STD SCORES TO GET INTO COMMUNITY COLLEGE AND SHIT!

Crow 2: HELL YEAH MAN! BUT DON'T YOU MEAN "SAT" SCORES!?

Crow 1: RIGHT MAN! SHIT, WHAT DID I SAY!?

Crow 2: YOU SAID "STD" MOTHA FUCKA!

Crow 1: HEHE! NAH, NAH MAN! SHE TOOK DAT SHIT LAST WEEK MAN!

Crow 2: SHIT REALLY!? HOW DAT GO!?

Crow 1: PRETTY GOOD, PRETTY GOOD!

Crow 2: DATS GOOD! CAUSE I KNOW I WAS USING 1 OF EM RUBBERS THEM COMMERCIALS BE ALL RAVIN' ABOUT ON HER!

Crow 1: WHAT THE FUCK!? AH HELL NAH MAN! YOU BETTER NOT BE SERIOUS, OR I'LL-

Crow 2: GOTCHA NIGGA!

Crow 1: OH DA-HAHAHAAAAAMN! YOU GOT ME NIGGA! CUZ I WAS ABOUT TO GO ALL UP IN YO ASS LIKE NO TOMORROW AND SHIT, MAN!

Crow 2: MAN, YOU COULDN'T DO DAT SHIT IF YOU TRIED, BOY!

Crow 1: SHIT, WHATEVER. MAN, YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHIN CRAZY!?

Crow 2: WHAT NIGGA?

Crow 1: YOU KNOW DAT CREATURE THANG THAT TURNED THEM TOWN'S FOLKS INTO PIGS AND SHIT!?

Crow 2: YEI? WHAT OF IT?

Crow 1: I HEAR DAT CREATURE AINT GOT NO NAME, NIGGA! NIGGA AIN'T GOT NO NAME!

Crow 2: AH HELL NAH MAN, DATS BULLSHIT! WANNA KNOW WHY? CUZ 1 OF MAH HONKEY FRIENDS BE ALL 1 OF HIS PETS AND SHIT! I BET HE KNOW HIS BITCH ASS NAME!

Crow 1: SHIT REALLY!? YOU MEAN DAT PARROT BITCH!? SHIT, I THINK LAST TIME I SAW HIM, HE SHORTED ME A G MAN, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHOOPIN HIS ASS NIGGA!

Crow 2: MAN, YOU REALLY WANNA DO THAT? CUZ HE BE ALL DOWN IN DAT STEEPLE! AND DAT BE A LONG ASS FLY! YOU FEEL ME?

Crow 1: YEI... I GUESS.

Crow 2: WANNA GAMBLE?

Crow 1: HELL YEAH!

The 2 crows flew away to a casino that was much farther than going to the steeple.

Back to the main characters,

Vivian: Hey ?! Did you hear that? I think those loud crows were just talking about the same troll that took your name!

?: No fucking shit. Alright... Welp, I guess it's back to the steeple now.

Vivian: Wait, you were already there?

?: That's where I lost my body. Remember?

Vivian: Oh yeah. I hate how bad my memory is sometimes. At least it's not as bad as my sisters' memories at times.

?: We get it. You're whole family is a barrel of retards with the lights off!

?: Wait, can't you just teleport us to the Steeple?

Vivian: It doesn't work that way. I can only teleport by myself, sure. But I can't in all good consciousness leave you behind.

?: My god, you're so "girl horny" over me.

[Twilight Trail]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 2:27 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

And so, ? and his new strange friend traveled to re-haunt the steeple.

?: Hey, Vivian?

Vivian: Yes?

?: So... I have to ask. I mean, I feel like I should already know this, but honestly, I have to know for sure. Under your head, are those boobs molded into 1, or your stomach. I honestly can't tell.

Vivian: That's my stomache.

?: ...*sigh*... son of a bitch...

Vivian: What's wrong?

?: Nothing... I was honestly hoping that you had that big of tits... I just wish I would have known that before I motor-boated you there. Instead, I just blew on your stomach like a fuck toddler. I think they call it a raspberry.

Vivian: But it was cute though!

?: Yeah, at the time, I thought it was hot too.

1ce again, another hole ripped through the sky, and Mario popped out with his head hunched over, glowing red eyes, and panting like a depraved sex zombie.

Mario: Y0 y0 y0, SUP N00bliss! Care 4 round 3? I c Uz brought a gf with u!

Vivian started to blush with joy.

?: SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND! WE'RE JUST FRIENDS! FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS!

And just like that, she stopped blushing as her smile 180ed.

Mario: What iz she doing 0ut heerz? She should get back n the kitchen to makez me a sammitch! Lolololololololol.

?: *Sigh* That meme hurts the tip of my penis like none other every time I hear it it's so bad.

Vivian: Wait a sec, is that the guy who stole your name? Hmm... Why does he look so familiar?

?: Don't be stupid, Vivian! We we're in a [BATTLE MO- ... I mean, NOTHING!

Vivian: He reminds me of some1 who jumped on my head alot, causing me to lose a little bit of my memory of that day.

?: Ah. *snaps fingers* That explains it.

Mario: So, wana c f Uz can guess my real name n' body againz? Du thtz, n' U'll get ur body back.

?: Hmmm…. I already made an attempt so... Let me see if I guess it via sign language!

? raised his middle finger flipping off the hacked body.

?: Alright, that was fun. Let's go Vivian!

Vivian: Wait, don't you wanna guess the na-

?: It's not worth humoring him! Let's go!

Mario: SON, I AM DISAPPOINT!

?: Fuck off, you stupid troll!

Later on the way to the Steeple.

?: I swear, this better not be 1 of those stories where I keep going back and forth chronically. I had to do that to find a key and after the 1st troll fight, I went back to burn the Twilight Town, and we're probably gonna have to go back to play his dumb name game 1ce I figure it out. Good thing he's too stupid to follow me.

Vivian: *Giggles* Did you just rhyme "name and game" on purpose?

?: Uhh... I guess so. Why?

Vivian: Sorry. It sounded pretty funny. That's all.

?: Wait, Vivian. Hold on a sec. I have to take a wicked piss in the bushes.

Vivian: Alrighty. I'm gonna hum She by The Misfits.

?: You go do that.

Vivian: Walked out with empty arms, machine gun in her hand. She is good and she is bad, no 1 understands. She walked in in silence, never spoke a word. She's got a rich daddy, she's her daddy's girl.

As ? pissed in the bushes, he started to feel a horrific pain in the you know what.

?: OWWW CHRIST ALL FUCKING MIGHTY!

Vivian: OH MY GOD! WHAT'S WRONG!?

?: MY PEE! IT FUCKING BURNS! I mean, it always burns. BUT NOT THIS MUCH! IT'S LIKE PISSING PURE HELLFIRE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MEEEEE!?

Vivian: Ohh man... OH NO! I FORGOT!

?: FORGOT WHAT!?

Vivian: ...uuhhh...

?: TELL ME RIGHT NOW!

Vivian: I forgot to tell you that I... have...

?: HAVE WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU HAVE!? YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!

Vivian: ... I ... I'm having a hard time telling... Uhhhh... oh no... Welll... It ssssstarts... with a ... G...

?: GONORRHEA!?

Vivian awkwardly nodded lightly facing down while her mouth quivering in shame.

Vivian: mhmm...

?: AND YOU DIDN'T FUCKING TELL ME!?

Vivian: I FORGOT! ALRIGHT!? It's been awhile since I've had sex! I must have forgotten about it... I'm so sorry...

?: SORRY DOESN'T CURE GONORRHEA! NOTHING DOES! WE'RE STUCK IN 2004, WHERE NO SUCH CURE FUCKING EXISTS! I think...

Vivian: I'M SORRY! REALLY! I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO LIE TO YOU!

?: WHEN DID YOU EVEN GET GONORRHEA IN THE 1st PLACE!?

Vivian: There... was a time when my sister kind of... used to pimp me out back in the 1600s... People payed her to have sex with me... I can't get pregnant, but I can get gonorrhea... It's actually how I mastered fire powers...

?: ... Wow... I'm actually sorry you had to- ... HEY NO! YOU'RE NOT SOB STORYING ME! YOU GAVE ME GONORRHEA! FUCK YOU! OUR FWB THING IS OVER!

Vivian: Aww... But, I'm still on the team, right?

?: Vivian, initiation modes are far out of my control... Of course you're still in! Now let's continue walking!

Vivian: You're the best!

?: I know I am. OWW My fucking dick won't stop burning! I HATE HAVING GONORRHEA!

[Inside the Creepy Steeple]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 3:21 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

?: Here we are. Back to Haunting the Steeple again! Good thing I can get here quicker now that I know what the fuck i'm doing.

Vivian: Oh hey! Are you referencing "Haunting the Chapel" by Slayer!?

?: Yep. Good. Thank you for being a little smarter than I thought.

Vivian: You're welcome honey! I mean... Sorry, I know we're just team mates.. hmmhmm...

?: ... Just keep you're eyes peeled. You have eyes right? I mean, I know you can see things, but do you have eyes?

Boo 1: Hey look! More travelers that are ghouling for a bruisin.

Boo 2: That didn't rhyme well, doofus.

Boo 3: You're STUPID!

Boo 2: I wasn't talking to you. Man, I should have known having friends wouldn't be a good idea. I don't know what I was thinking earlier befriending you guys.

Boo 4: Wait, guys, calm down! I think these travelers wanna hurt us! *directs attention to ? and Vivian* You guys don't wanna hurt us, do you?

Vivian: GUYS!? I'M NOT A "GUY!" YOU KNOW!

?: Relax. I think he just meant that as an expression...

Boo 1: You might be a guy for all we know.

Boo 3: Yeah. How do we know that you're not secretly in drag or something!? As a boo with a top hat, I know.

Vivian: Please don't... You're really pushing me with that comment! I'm NOT a guy!

?: It's true! That was straight up shadow pussy I felt when I banged her.

Vivian: Thank you!

?: Not sure why she has 1 if she can't give birth though. Maybe it's just for sex. I don't even think she bathrooms either.

Boo 2: Oh Boo hoo! Stop trying to cover up that you had gay smex with a dude!

Vivian started facing down and huffing in anger as she balled her fists as they caught on fire.

?: No really! I know gummy holes when I feel them!

Boo 4: Come on guys! Let's do away with this gay shadow couple already!

Vivian: ENOUGH! ? I hate saying this, but we have to fight them!

?: Now you're speakin' mah language!

[BATTLE MODE]

?: Power Level 105

Vivian: Power Level 45

V.S.

Boo 1: Power Level 18

Boo 2: Power Level 18

Boo 3: Power Level 18

Boo 4: Power Level 18

Battle Music: Cry of the Banshee by Bocas Helm

[TURN 1]

?: Alright, since Goombella is missing, I need you to do what she does, and tattle these boos! I know what boos are, but I just need to know what they do in a turn based fighting game.

? handed Vivian Goombella's tattle book.

Vivian: Who's Goombella?

?: Just do the thing!

Vivian: Wait, I how do I do it!?

?: BY READING! Just the find the character, and share the information with me! And don't forget to lock on them when you see a coda mark hover at them. It's part of the action command.

Vivian: Can't you do that?

?: I can't read!

Vivian uses tattle on Boo 1: This is a Boo. They' have a power level of 18 with an HP of 7 and Attack power of 3. They also turn invisible sometimes!

?: Building character into your tattles isn't really your thing is it.

Vivian: Oh. Sorry.

?: See how long you can go without saying "sorry."

? uses a super lightning blotto on the 4 boos doing each of them: [5 Damage All] Also getting ? pretty high as always. Which is hard to tell sometimes at this rate.

Boo 1: Watch this, I'm gonna turn invisible, and you all are gonna love it.

Boo 1 actually vanished.

Boo 2: While you do that, I'm gonna attack the drag princess!

Vivian: STOP CALLING ME-

Boo 2 smacked Vivian in her round rosy shadow fucking face: [3 Damage]

Vivian: OWw! That hurt.

?: That's kind of their goal!

Boo 3: I'm gonna turn my new best friend in visible.

Boo 3 turned Boo 4 invisible just by touching him.

Boo 4: Aww...

Boo 2: I thought I was your best friend!

Boo 3: No! You brush your teeth before drinking OJ and LIKE it!

The invisible Boo 4 also bitch slapped Vivian: [3 Damage]

Vivian: OWW! WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP GOING AFTER ME!?

[TURN 2]

?: Do you know how to fucking counter?

Vivian: Uhh... No. What's that?

?: Just attack them when they try attacking you. It's an attack only me, and my teammates know.

Vivian: Can you explain it again?

?: I just explained it. Attack them at the very millisecond they attack you. If you're any good at playing bass, think of it as hitting the right note at the right time or something!

Vivian: OH! I THINK I GET IT NOW! THANKS!

?: Let me go 1st to attack now.

? jumped on Boo 3 making him poof. You know the boo that quized them for no reason? That's the 1!: [4 Damage]

Vivian for the 1st time, uses shade fist successfully on Boo 1 making him poof as well: [4 Damage]

?: Oh good. You can ACTUALLY do good base damage.

Boo 2: NOO! MY BFF! HE DED!

Boo 4: AHEM! For your information, he was my BFF!

?: OWW MY DICK! STILL BURNS… IT'S LIKE THERE'S A FIRE ANT BITING INSIDE MY URETHRA!

Boo 2: HE WAS MY BFFF! THAT's Best Friend For Fucking Ever!

Boo 4: Then he's my BFFF! THAT's Boy Friend For Fucking Ever!

Boo 2: Oh right, the fight!

Boo 2 Smacked ? in the shadowy rapist face: [3 Damage]

?: DAMNIT! I FORGOT TO FUCKING COUNTER!

Vivian: Don't worry! It's in the bag now! Okay vivi- Vivian, think bass... Think bass.

Boo 4 smacked Vivian in the face... OH WAIT! No! She smacked him instead while he was invisible. Also catching him on fire: [1 Damage]

[TURN 3]

Boo 2 and 4 turned back to normal.

Vivian: I DID IT! I CAN COUNTER!

?: Yeah. I like how they're transparent and you can hit through them, and they have the nerve to call it "invisible."

? finished off Boo 2 by jumping on him in his asinine way: [4 Damage]

Boo 4: Come on witch hat! Do your worst! I bet you punch like a Boy!

Vivian: YOU'RE WRONG!

Vivian finished off Boo 4 by girl punching him in the face. And no, that's not a sexist joke. Cuz it did: [4 Damage]

Vivian: I punch like a GIRL!

?: THat's how Team ? Rolls!

[END OF BATTLE]

Vivian: Yippy! We won! I've never felt victory in my life until now!

?: I'm the opposite.

Vivian: Hey look! They dropped something!

Vivian held up an Ice Smash badge. This cold Greenlandic badge has a blue handle made out of ice.

?: Sweet! Gimme! Before you think it's candy.

Vivian: Hee hee... I know It's not candy, silly.

?: Oh phew... You see, I have a partner that tends to think everything is candy. He's kind of the punching bag so when you meet him, don't talk to him. He's retarded.

Vivian: Are you sure? Alright... Here's the badge by the way!

Vivian handed ? the badge.

?: I just wish I had the BP for this.

Vivian started looking through the tattle log and found herself in it.

Vivian: Oh hey! It's me! Hi Vivian! Heehee

Vivian kept reading the tattle log of herself and noticed it kept referring to her as a "male."

Vivian: ...hmm...

Vivian: Uhh, ?! Can I PLEASE make a small edition to this book!?

?: Uhh… Sure. Knock yourself out.

Vivian used a tip of her finger as a marker to burn part of the paper like a pen. She crossed out "guy" and "male", and replaced them with "girl" and "female."

Vivian: Yeah... That's much better.

?: Hey look! A little crack through the door!

Vivian: Cool! You want me to teleport inside the room to see what's inside?

?: I got a better idea.

? thought about Emma Watson sticking a wand up his ass causing him to shit out more frogs than passover. This spell caused him to turn into a shadow of his own dick.

Vivian: Holy shnaikeez! Did you just turn into your-

? penially swallowed Vivian and rolled through the crack into the room with a cookbook inside. ? spat out Vivian and turned back to normal.

Vivian: AHHH! Oh good. I'm alive.

?: FUCK! MY DICK BURNS SO BAD FROM DOING THAT CUZ IT'S SO SENSITIVE! DAMN YOU AND YOUR GONORRHEA, VIVIAN!

Vivian: I'm still sorry... Hey uhh... LOOK! A cook book!

Vivian raised up the cookbook Zelda Styled as if that joke hasn't been made enough already this chapture.

?: Lemme see it.

Vivian: Uhh... Sure.

Vivian handed the cookbook to ?.

?: ...

?: Threw it on the ground carelessly.

?: It's trash now. Let's skidaddle.

? rolled into his dick form again.

Vivian: You go ahead. I'll meet you on the other side!

When ? rolled past the wall, Vivian picked up the cookbook and stored it in her hat for safe keeping.

Vivian: I hope this doesn't belong to any1...

Vivian teleported meeting ? on the other side.

?: Okay, so... We need to find a new location to see where that Parrot thing is.

Vivian: Say! I think I saw a well outside earlier! Think we better go check it out?

?: Why the fuck not. It's not like we have any other choice. As long as it doesn't lead to water or any Banjo and Kazooie shit. Fuck it, i'll do anything with this body. It's not even mine!

[Outside of the Creepy Steeple]

They went outside the steeple and were facing the well getting ready to jump down it.

Vivian: Cool! There's the well! So i'm not totally crazy after all! *giggles*

?: Hey. Say this line. "She rubs the lotion on his skin, or else he get's the hose again."

Vivian: Sure. Why though?

?: Just do it. It'll amuse me.

Vivian: Alright. She rubs the lotion on his skin, or else he get's the hose agai-.

? dived down the well like the dangerous tard he ever so is.

Vivian: ?! OH MY GOD NO!

Vivian teleported, and caught ? in the other side inside the well before falling to deth.

?: Oh hey Vivian, what's happenin'?

Vivian: Why did you do that just now!?

?: Oh, you know, cuz it's funny!

Vivian: Just... Please promise you won't do that again! I don't know if I actually have a heart or not, but if I do, it's feels like it's about to rip out of my chest i'm so panicky!

?: You have Gonorrhea!

Suddenly, a gang of 2 Buzzy Beetles and 2 Spike Tops emerged. Pretty much the same species.

Buzzy Beetle 1 (Age 31): Titt. Vi har några nya idioter som inte kan undvika att falla ner en jävla vatten väl.

Buzzy Beetle 2 (Age 27): Bara dumma barnen spela spel som!

Vivian: Aww... They're so cute!

?: You mean cute in the way where they'd look cute to stomp on?

Spike Top 1 (Age 49): Låt oss slita huden off och tvinga dem att ha en påtvingad könsbyte.

Spike Top 2 (Age 42): Jag tror att de är både killar. Så detta skulle vara meningslöst.

Vivian: Why does every1 keep calling me a guy!?

?: Again with this?

Vivian: They were talking about forcing us to change genders, but then 1 of them said it'd be pointless cause we're "both guys."

?: So they're not speaking fucking gibberish!?

Vivian: Yeah! It's Swedish! It's actually my 2nd language!

Vivian: Lämna oss ifred! Vi vill inte slåss!

Buzzy Beetle 1: Vad väntar vi på? Låt oss bara döda dem redan!

Spike Top 2: Jag håller med, förhoppningsvis transvestit inte springa iväg som en fegis

Vivian: OH DET ÄR DET!

[BATTLE MODE]

?: Power Level 96/105

Vivian: Power Level 27/45

V.S.

Buzzy Beetle 1: Power Level 38

Buzzy Beetle 2: Power Level 38

Spike Top 1: Power Level 38

Spike Top 2: Power Level 38

Battle Music: Scream by In Flames

[TURN 1]

?: Don't you think you take the "guy" comments a little too personally?

Vivian: NO! I've been tormented with that comment my whole life! It's 1 of my biggest triggers cuz of that!

?: Whateves, at least you're down to fuck up these fucks.

? uses quake hammer turning his hammer purple knocking all of the beetle/koopa creatures on their backs: [2 Damage]

?: Vivian, Tattle!

Vivian: Right!

Vivian tattled 1 of the Buzzy Beetles.

Vivian: These are Buzzy Beetles. They have a power level- I mean, they have power levels of 38 with HP of 5, Attack of 3, and Defense of 4 and their JERKS!

?: Well that's a start. I think you actually give more useful insight when you tattle rather than Goombella who think's she's a stand up comedian when she tattles.

Vivian: Aww... Thanks... You're so cute.

?: Settle down Vivian.

Vivian: Yessir...

Vivian: Also, you have to jump on them in order to put them on their back which will immobilize them.

?: That's less useful info since I already have them on their backs.

Since all of the beetles were on their backs, no attacks on their parts were made.

[TURN 2]

Vivian uses tattle on Spike Top 2: These are Spike Tops! They also have a power level of 38 with the exact same stats! Also, they have spikes on their backs so you might wanna find another way to hurt them.

?: Again, they're already on their backs! Pay attention

Vivian: Oh, sor-

?: DO NOT FINISH THAT LAST WORD GOD DAMNIT!

?: Oh yeah, I forgot about this. Assuming the troll does the same drugs I do,

? takes a hit of Earth LSD to finish off all them beetles and also collapsed the well hole killing all of them: [5 Damage]

? and Vivian were on a spot where they were not hurt by the collapse.

[END OF ANOTHER BATTLE]

Vivian: We did it again! Hooray!

?: Yeah, and we totally didn't do that thing that bothers you. What's it called? Oh yeah! Murder!

Vivian: Oh gosh! Really?

?: Nah, I'm joshin yuh. Every1 knows that minor enemies *snickers* respawn. FFFFF AWW! MY BURNING DICK! But yeah, joking... AWW THE GONORRHEA! IT SHOULDN'T BE BURNING MY DICK THIS EARLY!

Vivian: Aww... I still feel like a monster. Hey! This might cheer you up! I found another badge!

Vivian found an orange and yellow shoe shaped badge known as a Tornado Jump. This can activate a move that can activate a move that can activate a Sonic Wind attack hurting all the other enemies within the attack range.

?: Oh good! I can put another badge on except that I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING BP! I hope my purple livor sticks out when my body is flipped inside out! Whatever, this BP shit is slowly eating away at my psychi. Let's find a way otta here.

The teammates were encountered by a gate blocking their way up a slope tunnel.

?: Fucking a. Another trap door. I don't think my dick, nor grease powers can save the day this time.

Vivian: Maybe we can-

? pulled out his hammer of "fuck you" and slammed the gate to go up the sloped tunnel.

?: Problem solved! We're off!

Vivian: Nice!

? and Vivian headed on up the path when suddenly, the gate slowly started to slide back down about to push them back. It's visually a little complicated to picture in your head if you've never played or watched a lets play of it.

?: GOD FUCKING SHIT DAMNIT!

Vivian: ?, I know you said no to this, but if we wanna go past this falling gate, i'm gonna have to pull you inside of me!

?: THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME!?

Vivian hugged Mari-... ? from the back, and pulled him in the ground inside of her body puddle... By doing this, the gate fell past them successfully.

Vivian and ? rose back up.

?: Sweet! Even with another body, I still kick ass!

Vivian: BUt I thought I-

?: OWW! THE DICK KEEPS FUCKING BURNING A FIERY BLAZE OF INFERNO! HOW COME YOU DON'T GET BURNED BY YOUR OWN STD!?

Vivian: I used to, but you get kind of used to it when you have it for 400 years.

?: FUCK THAT! I WILL NEVER GET USED TO GONORRHEA! YOU CAN MARK MY WORDS! GAAAAH! DICK PAIN, DICK PAIN!

After searching and destroying, they finally found the parrot's room. 1st, Vivian teleported into the room they were looking for, and ? fell through the crack by using the Emma Watson majic dick curse.

Vivian: Look! It's the parrot! I think It's the 1 that those crows were talking about!

?: You think!?

Vivian: Well yeah!

?: You don't get sarcasm. Clearly.

The green skinny parrot was sitting on it's bird stick thing starving from a lack of food water, and neglect.

Parrot (Age 3 Months old): SQUARK! Feed meeee! FEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEE!

Vivian: Oh deer! ?, What's wrong birdy!?

?: ...

Parrot: I'm…. dying…. My owner! He…*cough*... bought me recently and … forgot I... even exist! So I've just been *cough cough* sitting on this ledge... with nothing….. to eat! I've been shitting everywhere…. and I haven't…. seen my owner in *coughs blood* forever! He even locked me in here…. with no way out! *COUGH COUGH COUGH* HE SUUU*COUGHCOUGHCOUGH*UCKS! He got distracted with making YouTube Poops, Sonic Girl Farting porn, and Trolling, that he…. forgot…. to fucking feed me! Did he seriously think I wouldn't fucking…. starve in here!? WELL IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THA- COUGH COUGH COUGH!

Vivian: OH NO! How awful! ?! Do we have any food we can give him!?

? looked in his spooky inventory noticing he had a bag of super shrooms, ultra shrooms, life shrooms, and even Galactic Alien Zombie Dragon Vadgelly Juice.

?: Uhh... Nope. Nothing that can restore his HP or resurrect lives at all.

Vivian: Well don't worry birdy! We'll save you and get you out of here!

?: On 1 condition! Do you know the name of your retarded owner!?

Vivian: Maybe now isn't the time to bribe him. Especially like this.

?: Now is the PERFECT time to bribe him!

Vivian: But-

?: SOrry! Is your body at stake? NO! So cram it!

Parrot: I will *cough* never spill out my... owner's name for you see, Doopliss does not want any1 to know his real name! Oh shit...

?: HA! DOOPLISS! THAT'S IT! HIS RETARDED NAME IS DOOPLISS! WHAT A LOSER!

Vivian: Sweet! Doopliss! Alright! We know his name now!

Parrot: *coughs up alot more blood*

Vivian: OH NO! I GOT YOU!

Vivian reached up and picked up the near ded bird. A wing fell off the fragile parrot body as if it was nothing.

?: Vivian, stop touching that thing. At this rate, he's pretty much ded.

Parrot: Before I die, I... have to tell you ... You totally can't reclaim your body by…. using a password that's in 1 of the treasure chests. *panting* And it totally won't work after you…. deliver your final blow... and you totally don't trade your HP…. *loses beak* with him to avoid being near ded at…. all... *last breath*

Vivian: Parrot... Parrot?... PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

?: Alright cool. Now let's look inside these boxes! There's like, 4 treasure chests in here!

The 1st thing they found was a Mr. Soft Worm. Used to soften enemies in defense, and could have been used to feed the Parrot the whole time.

?: Hey Vivian, get this... I found a worm. A freaking worm! How bout that!?

Vivian: Really!? Give it to me!

Vivian grabbed the worm out of ?'s hand, and tried shoving it down the Parrot's corpse mouth.

Vivian: Come on! You gotta eat! Please! PLEASE!

Mr. Soft Worm (Age 2 Months): Help me!

?: VIVIAN! He's ded. You can't cure deth. Now give me the worm back.

Vivian: *Sigh* Fine...

Vivian handed ? the worm.

Mr. Soft Worm: I WANT MY MOMMY!

Then he opened another chest unveiling a key out of the room. Then he opened a chest with the password that read: "5thformfriezalooksprettycool"

?: Hey! I think that's the password he was talking about! No 1 would ever think to say that.

Vivian: Hey yeah! Alright! 1 more box!

? opened the last box unveiling a Power Plus Badge. This badge can boost ?'s attack power by 1 and can raise his power level by a shit ton!

?: NO WAY! YES!

Vivian: hmm?

?: THIS IS THE BADGE I WAS WAITING FOR! FUCK YEAH!

?: But... NOOOOOO! I STILL DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BP! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

? grabbed the ded parrot by the head and flung it's body of it's neck at the wall to cope with his frustration.

Vivian: Aww i'm sorry...

Vivian hugged ? in sadness that he doesn't have enough BP.

?: That's it! Let go of me! I'm gonna solve this shit 1ce and for all!

Vivian let go of the drunk shadow man.

?: I'mma usin mah 2nd free pass!

? pulled down his pants, and aimed his butt to the wall where he farted out a portal to another dimension to pop out on 1 of the walls.

?: Wait here!

Vivian: Okay.

? ported through the portal and back into Miyamoto's office.

?: Sup Miyamoto. I know my name and body is missing, but I assume you of all people know who I really am cause of my voice! So listen up, I know this is a huge favor of me to ask, but I need you give me unlimited BP so I can use all of my badges. I know, it's over powered, but I'm really sick of keeping track of how much BP I have in this story! Plus, you can even it out by making the enemies and bosses from now on stronger. Which would make for a better story! What do you say?

Miyamoto: Hai!

?: Sweet! Thanks!

? walked back through the portal and back into the grose parrot room with Vivian who was humming some Bad Brains.

?: Back! And good news, Miyamoto said yes in Japanese. So now I don't have to worry about BP or that inside out curse! So now I can put on any badge I want! I mean, yeah, I wasted most of my level ups on BPs sure, but now I have unlimited BP! OR NO BP! The point is, now I can put on my Power and Defense plus badge, and many more!

Vivian: YAY! Well that's great! Hey! By the way, did you tell him that I'm actually not a guy?

?: Oh shit, that didn't come up. I forgot.

Vivian: Oh. Ehh... That's okay. You'll get it next time right?

?: Yeah. Well, at least now I can truly show how OP I can really be against that fuck faced ass rattler!

Vivian: Yeah! Now let's get your name and body back from that meanie!

?: ...

Vivian: What's wrong?

?: *sigh* PLEASE don't tell me you ACTUALLY use "meanie" as a real insult...

Vivian: Aww shucks... I'm sorry if that bothered you.

?: …... Shut up Vivian.

Chapture 5 - 15: His name is Doopliss!

[Twilight Trail]

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 4:27 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

After figuring out Doopliss' name, the challenged duo went back to the troll shed area a 4TH FUCKING TIME! YAAAAAY! BACK AND FORTHZEEZ! KNOW WHAT I BE SAYIN PAPER MARIO FANS!?

Vivian: All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy. Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify..

?: Is that Paranoid by Black Sabbath?

Vivian: Yeah.

?: Good song.

Vivian: Thanks!

Mario for the 3rd time, ripped through time and space and... Wait... just space I guess... And landed on his 2 feet like the drooling retard he is. Come to think about it, he basically hides in another dimension just to pop out and surprise the real Mario. Talk about an over achiever right?

Mario: Sup N00bknocker!? I iz waitingz 4 u!

Vivian: How does he do that!?

?: I don't fucking know.

Mario: It was fun haxxing uz on facebook, instagram, and makingz U a Sonic Passion account! But n0w Id liek 2 tr0ll Uz som morez by making Uz gess my reel-

?: Doopliss.

Mario's name changed into it's actually label; Doopliss.

Mario- I mean, Doopliss: ... LOL! U IZ S00000 JOKING! CUZ THATZ IS ILLEGAL U KNOW!

?: It's Doopliss, retard! Now give me back my name.

Doopliss: ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK CUCK!

Everything started spinning in Doopliss' mind knowing that he is no longer anonymous to ? or any1 else.

Doopliss: WHOTHE FUCK DOXED MIIZ!?

?: Your bird we found that you forgot about, stupid. Now let's get this battle over with.

Doopliss: I ONLY BOUGHT HIM SO I CAN TROLL HIM BY MAKING HIM STARVE TO DETH! LOL0L I DIDNT THINKZ HEZ WAS STILL LIVINGZ! THATS ITZ! IAMz HIDINGz N MY STEEPLE WHERE UZ WILL NEVER FINDS Mii FGTz!

Doopliss in the Mario body cartoonishly lifted up the shed with his bare hands with the Team M members still inside and ran off to the steeple running 30 miles per hour.

Doopliss: SO LONG N00B00BZ!

?: YOU FUCKING PUSSY!

Vivian: AFTER HIM!

?: RIGHT! OOOWW THAT SHOOTING GONORRHEA PAIN IN MY DICK STILL FUCKING BURNS!

Chapture 5 - 16: Mario V.S. Team M?

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 5:02 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

[Creepy Steeple]

After undergoing the shortest sub-chapture I have ever written so far in the uncut version, ? and Vivian went back to Creepy Steeple for the 3rd GODDAMN TIME to finally corner Doopliss in his room... again. You remember 5 - 10 right? That room.

?: Alright! End of the Line, Doopliss! Give me back my body, or i'm kicking your ass! I mean... MY ASS! Who am I kidding. I'll do it if you resist or not.

Doopliss: LOLz G00d. Let the 'umad' flow through you... LOLOL0LOLOLLLLLL! Butt fine. If youz wish 2 FALCON PAWNCH it out of me, then good luck, Chuck!

Goombella: Yeah! That creepy troll guy is gonna pay out the ass for stealing my tattle log book! And he even teamed with that Shadow bitch!

Vivian: Wait, I thought it was ?'s book.

?: I told you it was her's awhile ago.

Vivian: Oh yeah…. whoops. I wrote in it...

Koops: Oh jeebus! It's the Shadow Girlz with the pink hairz... I'm NOT ready for this! I... I gotta hidez!

Koops anxiously hid in his shell.

Koops: I'm notz ready 2 fight her again- I mean, I'M NOTz HERE RIGHT NOWz!

?: Was he... trying to talk like Doopliss?

Flurrie: We certainly won't be letting this ravishingly sexy shadow couple do anything hurtful to our sexually succulent little leader!

Vivian: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Vivian puked at the sight of Flurrie. See, even Vivian is grossed out by Flurrie whether she's willing to admit it or not.

Vivian: OH GOD! I don't know why I ... I didn't mean to-

?: That's okay. We've all puked at the sight of her. You'd be crazy not to!

Yoshi: Man, fuck dat shit! Let's bust dis purple Gonzales lookin' ass motha fucka's ass! I just finished the Pilaf arc, so I'm ready to bust up some bitch ass, niggaz right here!

?: What the fuck guys!? Are you all really buying this obviously trollshit!? Haven't I taught you retards better!? For fuck sakes! I have the map, the 1st 3 stars, the badges, THE ITEMS!

Goombella: Oh yeah, you probably just stole all of this while we weren't looking, Douglass!

?: IT'S DOOPLISS! AND FOR GOD SAKES! I HAVE YOUR FUCKING TATTLE LOG! COME ON! LISTEN TO HOW THIS GUY TALKS! HE'S CLEARLY THE TROLL WE WERE JUST FIGHTING! LISTEN TO MY VOICE, AND HIS VOICE, AND TELL ME I'M WRONG!

Goombella: Pfft… Please. As if i'm dumb enough to fall for that. I know you 2 just swapped voices.

?: Ji-.. JI-... WHAT!?

Vivian: Hey! Leave him alone! He really did lose his body to that big old meanie! Don't you recognize your friend?

?: Vivian! Remember what I said about the "meanie" insult!?

VIvian: Oh right… mybad

Doopliss: I M THERE FREND! 4 I iz SUPER MARIO! MARIO GONZALES MARIO! C!? I HAVE UR SOCIAL SECURITEEZ AND KINGDOM ID! BECAUSE I IZ FUCKING MARIO!

Vivian: What the... ?, you mean... this.. whole time, that question mark in your name were covering up that you were... MARIO this whole time!?

?- Fuck it, Mario: Well yeah! Who the hell did you think I am?

Vivian: I don't know! Oh geez... So all this time, you were an enemy in disguise!? ... You must have been using me for some kind of sick game I bet! That's why you tricked me into sleeping with you!

Mario: TRICKED YOU!? PFFFF YOU WISH! I was high as fuck at the time! Besides, look who's talking miss "IgaveMarioGonorrhea!" You're the 1 who tricked me, bitch!

Vivian: And THAT! You've been mean to me from the start of this adventure! That's why I've been having a vague feeling I remember you from a fight. And you were the 1 that gave me that mean "you look like a" insult from a few days ago! THat was the meanest thing I've ever heard! And you've still been saying mean things to me since then!

Mario: My god.. Shut up! You're being an emotional retard, you know that!?

Vivian: I... You know, honestly, I feel like an idiot for trusting you!

Mario: YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!

Vivian: *sigh* I can't do this. I'm out of here. Bye Mario...

Vivian teleported out of the room and into... I don't fucking know where.

Mario: HA! GOOD! GOOD RIDDANCE! YOU WERE JUST A SHITTY NO BOOBED 1 NIGHT STAND I USED TO GET MY FUCKING DICK WET! YOU KNOW THAT!? SCREW YOU!

Mario punched a hole through Doopliss' wall.

Mario: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! IS EVERY1'S BEING INFECTED WITH A FUCKING RETARD SICKNESS TODAY!? MORE RETARDED THAN USUAL EVEN! AND MY DICK STILL BURNS TO HIGH HELL! AAAHHH!

Doopliss: LOL! TITz OR GTFO, AM I RIGHT FELLAz!?

Mario flipped off Doopliss.

Mario: FUCK YOU TROLL!

[BOSS BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 168/184

FP: 13/15

V.S.

Doopliss: 120

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level 75

Yoshi: Power Level 50

Battle Music: Living through me (Hell's Wrath) by Pantera

[TURN 1]

Mario: Alright! My dick is all fired up now! Literally! OWW! no really. OWW!

Doopliss: Goombella! Uz up 1st!

Goombella: Hell yeah! And thanks for giving us all tonic water before this battle started. Otherwise we'd still be tripping balls.

Mario: Pussy...

Goombella: Alright! Time to give that Douglass fuck the revenge he deserves!

Mario: GOOMBELLA! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE I WOULD EXPECT TO KNOW WHO THE HELL I AM!? LOOK AT THE POWER LEVEL STATS! YOU'RE ON THE SAME TEAM AS THE GUY WHO'S FUCKING NAME IS DOOPLISS!

Goombella: Well, how do we not know you're just trolling us!?

Mario: Because I don't talk like "LOLXDTROLOLOL" or any of that shit! How can you not put those obvious pieces together, you pretentious retard!?

Goombella: Because you cursed Mario to talk like that! That's what he told us!

Mario: IT'S SO OBVIOUS! That's it… I have no choice do I? I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOU, GOOMBELLA!

Mario uses power bounce jumping on Goombella 7 times doing this much damage: [10 Damage]

Mario: See how my turn was 1st? THAT'S BECAUSE I'M FUCKING ?- NO. mmmmmmmMARIO!

Doopliss: You're still a shadow! ANd last timez I checkedz, Mario haz a RED hat, with teh BLUE overalls! N' HE LOOK LIEK A SLEAZY RAPIST! Unlike you…

Doopliss: Btw, OBJECTION!

Doopliss uses hammer smash rip off move on Mario doing an average: [3 Damage]

Goombella: Hey! Come on Mario! You're stronger than that!

Goombella uses multibonk-

Goombella: Hey... How come it's not working?

Mario: BECAUSE I HAVE THE FP WITH ME!

Goombella: Fine, thief! Then I guess I can just double jump!

Goombella uses double jump on Mario doing only: [2 Damage]

Goombella: 2 Damage? When did Douglass develope defense!?

Mario: BECAUSE I HAVE THE DEFENSE PLUS BADGE AND THE POWER PLUS P BADGE! GOD DAMNIT! WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO SMACK SOME SENSE INTO YOU!?

[TURN 2]

Goombella: You better hand us the stars and all of our stuff, you asshole!

Mario: Why? 1, I'M WINNING, 2, I OWN OUR STUFF!

Doopliss: O YAz? l I dnt c ur name on itz n00b!

Mario: LOOK WHO'S TALKING! FFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHY DOES MY DICK BURN SO!? I CAAAAANt StAAAAAAND IIIIIIt! THIS GONORRHEA WOULD BE WORTH IT IF I COULD JUST EJECULATE FIRE!

Mario uses a hammer crammer attack on Doopliss who used the A button block attack to add extra defense: [4 Damage]

Goombella: Jeez... Douglass got crazy strong since we last faced him. Welp, we always pull through right!? Mario, do your thing!

Doopliss: Alright! TASTE MY judgement hammer again FGT!

As Doopliss did another hammer blast, a familiar shadow you remember from just recently emerged from the ground.

Battle Music: Happily Ever After from the Gurren Lagann soundtrack

Vivian: MARIOOOOOOOO!

Vivian popped out of the floor and countered Doopliss by punching him in the face for Mario's safety: [-1 Damage]

Doopliss: WHAT TEH FH just happenedz!?

Vivian: Do not hurt Mario, you creeper!

Mario: Vivian!? What the fuck!? I thought I told you to get the fuck out of here! *Spits on Vivian's face.*

Vivian: *rubs off spit* Sorry Mario... I… I didn't know what I was thinking earlier... I almost made the WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE! So what if you were Mario all along? I mean, you may have said some mean things to me, but compared to Beldam or any1 else, you're still the most amazing friend who's helped me realize my potential! I mean, I thought about it, and out of every1 I've ever met, you're only person who's ever really been kind to me over all... So from now on, I'm fighting by your side! I've... I've made my choice! And I'm not turning ba-

Goombella interrupted Vivian by doing a double jump to Vivian from her back putting her in danger mode due to the previous beatings from the other 2 battles: [4 Damage]

Goombella: I've been waiting to do that for a long time, slutty shadow BITCH!

[TURN 3]

Vivian got up as if nothing happened.

Vivian: Ahem... And I'm not turning back! I know you don't like it when I apologize, but… I sincerely mean it when I say I'm sorry for ditching you, I just kind of lose my mind a little when I get like this. If I went back to my sisters, I probably would be ded by now to be honest, and you just... inspire me too much to let that happen!

Mario: Well I guess you're not gonna fuck off, are you then. Fine. Whatever. Let's just re-evaluate the fucking stats already.

Mario: Power Level 141/184

Vivian: Power Level 15/45

FP: 10/15

V.S.

Doopliss: Power Level 99/120

Goombella: Power Level 25/50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level 75

Yoshi: Power Level 50

Mario: Alright, welp, if you're gonna stay, what I need you to do, is tattle the partners. Cause it will be funny. But first,

Mario did a jump + ground pound on Goombella fatiguing the ever loving shitout of her: [8 Damage]

Goombella: OWW! DICK!

Mario: Now Vivian!

Vivian uses tattle on Goombella: Let's see... This is Goombella, a famous Liberal Arts College student at U Goom who aspires to be an archaeologist and the partner of the legendary wrestler; Great Gonzales. She has a power level of 50 with stats of HP: 20 Attack: 2 - 4 D: 0!

Goombella: DID…. THE BITCH JUST TATTLE ME WITH MY OWN BOOK!? I WILL DESTROY HER!

Vivian: Did I do good? Who's Gonzales by the way?

Mario: My stage name/ middle name. Oh yeah. I forgot 1 thing, GOOMBELLA! You pushed me to do this, so you know what!? You look like a rotten butt plug perfumed in makeup with a flashlight used to see what's inside people's butts! You're short, you're flat, unattractive, and boring! We just tolerate you being loud and full of yourself because it's gives us something to laugh at, you arachnophobic politically correct progressive wannabe CUNT!

Vivian: JEEZ!

Goombella: Y- YOU BASTARD! AND NOW YOU'RE STEALING MARIO'S INSULT TACTIC AND USING IT ON ME!? OH YOU ARE SO DED! SO FUCKING DED!

Doopliss: Lolz. Accept I gotta tradez u outz cuz u week az shit!

Goombella: But-

Doopliss: Get back in teh kitchen and make me a sammich! FTW!

Doopliss switched out Goombella for Koops by pushing her on the pile of potato chips and pulled Koops' arm into the battle ring.

Koops: O Noz... it's my turnz? U mean I have 2 face teh gurl?

Doopliss: Yeah! What, U afraid 2 hit girls cuz u gay?

Koops: But-

Doopliss: Shut up Koops.

Koops: Aww man...

Mario: Hey! That's MY line!

Koops uses shell slam on Mario since he was in front and all: [2 Damage]

Koops: Wowziggy! He realzee didz getz strongerz!

Mario: MY GOD, YOU'RE IMPRESSIONABLE OF RETARDS!

[TURN 4]

Mario attempted to use the Stop Time Watch but couldn't on account that they don't work on bosses for some reason. I forget if they actually work in the game or not, but for the sake of continuity for this story, we're keeping it from working cuz I'm a dick.

Mario: FFFFFUCK! It didn't work! Vivian, this is out of my character a little but, I need you to put on this Harry Potter cloak. It will make you invisible. I have a feeling that he's gonna use his art attack move soon.

Vivian: Aww... Thank you!

Mario threw on a Boo cloak over Vivian making her invisible for 3 turns.

Vivian: Did it work?

Mario: Yeah. Now then, TATTLE THAT AUTISTIC KOOPA!

Vivian: Autistic? What does that word mean?

Mario: You'll... you'll find out. I hope.

Vivian: Very well...

Vivian uses tattle on Koops: This is Koops. He's a koopa that lives in Petalburg. Aww... What a lovely name for a town... He has a power level of 56 with stats of HP: 15, Attack: 3, and Defense: 1.

Koops: Oh wow... She knows me so well!

Goombella: THAT'S NOT HOW YOU EVEN TATTLE, SHADOW SKANK!

Doopliss: Allow me to show these fools how to deal with the ART ATTACK!

Doopliss raised up the Star of Lust to enable even more horrific fetishy thoughts.

Doopliss: MMMM! YEAH! I'M THINKING ABOUT SUCKING ON BLAZE THE CAT'S PONY TAIL WHILE I WEAR A SPONGEBOB DIAPER! NOW WE'RE TALKING!

Flurrie: How dandilly arousing...

Doopliss used the Art Attack to circle around Mario 6 times breaking up parts of his body making his skin crack and bleed everywhere: [18 Damage]

Mario: OWW! THAT MOVE MAKES ME WANNA BREAK THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT OF THAT STAR I'M TRYING TO GET!

Koops: Watch this Mario!

Koops did a shell slam at the real Mario where he just sort of got his ass countered: [-1 Damage]

Koops: OWW!

Mario: PUT ON SOME FUCKING PANT'S KOOPS!

[TURN 5]

Battle music: I'll cast a Shadow by Pantera

Mario: Vivian, like it or not, we're going after all of the partner's 1st!

Vivian: Wait. Why?

Mario: CUZ! I need to teach these ass garglers a lesson or 2 or 15. I mean, look, they're falling for an OBVIOUS TROLL! THEY NEED TO BE ASSAULTED NOW!

Vivian: I... guess that makes sense... sort of...

Mario uses jump attack on Koops kicking him right on his lazy eye paralysing him on his back: [5 Damage]

Vivian then proceeds to her next attack.

Vivian: Sorry for this...

Vivian Shade Fists Koops in the... STOMACHE! setting him on fire: [6 Damage]

Keep in mind that Mario has a Power Rush P badge which boosts Vivian's attack by 2 when she's in danger.

Koops: AHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! OWWYYY!

Vivian: I'M SO SORRY!

Goombella: What the fuck? Why did she get so much stronger since our last fight!? Where the hell did she even get that kind of power!?

Mario: FROM MY BADGES!

Koops' fire on his stomach did another small dosage of damage. Apparently, the fire causes him to flail his arms forgetting to put it the fuck out: [1 Damage]

Mario: HAHA! YOU look like a retarded incest hybrid of Gonzo from the Muppets, and Bart Simpson as a teenager with a chronic masterbation problem! You smell like cheesy moldy garlic bread, you're repulsive to the naked eye, I hate your voice, and there is not enough room in my "you look like a" comments to really describe the perplex magnitude of how badly you piss me off!

Vivian: Are you sure that wasn't a little too mean, Mario?

Koops: O shucks! Why haz dis alwayz beenz happening 2 miiz lately…?

Doopliss: U ASSPIE! I IZ TRADING U 4 THE GROSS CLOUD!

Flurrie: FLURRIE!

Doopliss traded Koops in for Flurrie by kicking him into the wall!

Mario: Flurrie, I'm assuming you can't see past yourself getting trolled neither?

Flurrie: That's right my Drooling Douglass! I know just how Mario's fine odor arouses my nasal cavities... It's a majic you sure indeed lack...

[TURN 6]

Vivian: Should I do the tattle thing again?

Mario: Yeah. Yeah you should.

Vivian uses tattle of Madame Flurrie: This is Madame Flurrie *pukes in mouth* ... excuse me... She's famous for her exotic avant guard pornagraphic art career of the 1980's. She has a power level of 75 with stats of HP: 25, A: 4, and D: 0. This seems a little off. I wonder what kind of math it takes to figure out this power level business?

Goombella: I WILL NEVER TELL YOU!

Mario: Before I attack, I have something to get off my chest. FLURRIE! You look like Ursula's discarded siamese twin that radio actively took up the quantum material form of methane fart gas! You're not sexy, and your looks have dried up long ago. So long ago, that you should not take this comment as "dirty talk." You are repulsive to all 6 senses! Including the 1 sense I JUST MADE UP! CAUSE YOU'RE ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE TO ME!

Vivian: *gulp*

Flurrie: Grrr... You really ruffle Flurrie's feathers with sexy insults... I'm gonna have to make you gargle in something fierce for that! Cause you don't make Flurrie kinkie!

Mario uses Tornado Jump for the 1st time as his shoes turned yellow. He jumped on Doopliss and then did a tornado spin that did an equal amount of damage to Flurrie: [6 Damage both]

Mario: Shit, that took up alot of FP.

Doopliss: LOLz Uz gon get PWNd FTW!

Doopliss uses hammer blammer on the cloaked Vivian. This attack went right through her on account of Doopliss being a Dumbass: [0 Damage]

Doopliss: I DID THTz IRONICALLYz!

Flurrie uses Milk Masher on Mario. Mario countered by grabbing her gargantuanly veiny tits, pulled her in front of him, and head butted her making her nose bloody: [-1 Damage]

Flurrie: MY MELONS!

[TURN 7]

Vivian's cloak wore off.

Vivian: Uhh... Mario, the cloak wore off. What do I do now?

Mario: Let me figure out ways to assault Flurrie without her getting turned on!

Mario: Screw it. I got a better idea.

Mario raised up the Star of Greed.

Mario: I WANT THE WORLD AND I WANT IT NOW!

Vivian: I GET THAT REFERENCE!

The Star of Greed started glowing creating a giant holographic bingo card where they increased their defense by 2, and attack by 3.

Mario: WITNESS THE POWER OF ALL THAT IS OVERPOWERED, IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE!

Vivian: Sorry Flurrie...

Vivian punched Flurrie in the jugular catching her head on fire: [9 Damage]

Flurrie: Mmmymmyy... The smell of my burning hair... If only we remembered how to counter...

Doopliss: Mrr... Not amused!

Doopliss jumped on Mario's head 2ice: [2 Damage]

Mario: AHA! NOW I'M IN DANGER MODE! MAKING ME SLIGHTLY STRONGER!

Flurrie did an appeal move that earned no SP due to her sheer well known ugliness.

Flurrie: It's cause i'm so bald now... is it... *sigh* I think it looks sexy…

Vivian: I'M SO SORRY! Aww man… Now I wish I knew how to punch without setting people on fire...

Mario: JUST KEEP HITTING HER!

Vivian: Got it...

[TURN 8]

Battle Music: Ghost of War by Slayer

Flurrie got a little more burnt as her hair is now essentially made out of fire: [1 Damage]

Vivian: Does another OP shade fist to fist Flurrie in the fucking whore face: [9 Damage]

Mario preformed a double jump on Doopliss doing the most damage I've ever written Mario doing without using the charge badge: [16 GOD-DAMNADGE!]

Yoshi: DAMNAGE!

Doopliss: … LAG! THAT MOVE DOESN'T COUNT!

Mario: Yeah it does.

Doopliss: … NO! NO IT DOESN'T!

Mario: Uhh... Yeah... yeah it does…

Doopliss: … No it doesn-

Mario: YOU'RE NOT IN A FUCKING PC GAME,YOU BALLS TO THE WALL FULL ON RETARD!

Doopliss: ...

Doopliss pulled up a YouTube video on his phone of Darth Vader yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Mario: Fine. You forced me to do this.

Mario pulled up a video of M. Bison saying "YEEESSS!"

Mario: I hate myself.

Doopliss: YOSHI! U iz next! Im TRADING Uz frm Flurrie!

Yoshi: Mann why does the black guy be goin last all da time?

Doopliss: CUZ Ur a NGR!

Yoshi: Maaan, this gay troll speakin' curse of yours better wear off soon! Dat shit's offensive.

Flurrie traded off with Yoshi.

Yoshi tried doing a ground pound on Vivian, but since she's so affected by the Star of Greed power up, this did absolutely, no shit! It didn't even dent her hat: [0 Damage]

Yoshi: Fuck you, yuh witch hatted hood ratted ass bitch!

[TURN 9]

Vivian: I know what you're thinking Mario, and I'm ready to tattle. Just don't do anymore "You look like a" comments to your friends.

Mario: Sure.

Vivian uses tattle on Yoshi: This is a Yoshi. You can name him whatever you want. He has a power level of 50. His stats are HP: 20, A: 1, and D: 0. Not sure how that adds up to 50 to be honest.

Yoshi: Man! Dat was da worst tattle ass job I've ever heard! And that was for me, too!

Mario: Is that so? YOSHI! You look like a Black Barney abortion after Barney got knocked up by Whitney Houston's corpse! You also look like a crappy fan made character on DeviantArt! There is no way any1 that acts that much like Scrappy Doo can possibly be a fan favorite for any1 cuz you're an ugly ass bitch ass cunt ass NIGGER!

Vivian: *GASP* MARIO! Don't you think you went way too overboard with that 1!?

Mario: You're welcome, Vivian! Now we've all been "You look lika a"ed.

Vivian: Oh... Uhh... thank you?

Yoshi: OH HELL NO! YOU DED MAN! YOU DED FO CAWLIN ME THAT, BITCH!

Mario: You can't do shit you god damn nigglet fetus!

Mario did an over the top double jump move on Yoshi almost snapping his neck in half: [16 Damage]

Yoshi: AAAAHHH! FUCK DAT HURT *coughs part of his spinal chord out*!

Goombella: Oh no... This is looking really bad. I hope we can pull something out of our sleeves in last minute like always.

Doopliss: Hmm... THT'S TI! LOOK'S LIEK TI'S GARBAGE DAY 4 U, TRUN00B!

Doopliss: I'll have to admit, IMAD! IAMMAD! SO IM PUTTING AN END TO THIS, BY BREAKING THE INTEGRITY OF [BATTLE MODE], BY USING ART ATTACK A 2ND TIME!

Mario: You wouldn't..

Doopliss raised up the Star of Lust 1ce again as he thought about erotically splitting open Amy Rose in half through the crotch with a Hello Kitty Chainsaw.

Doopliss: YES! YEEEEEES! YYYYEEEEEEHEHHEHEHEHHHHEEEEEESSSS! NOW DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Mario: Shit.

Doopliss only aimed for Mario cause he was so pissed, that he forgot to circle the attack around Vivian: [24 Damage]

Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Vivian: MARIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sad Music: Ad la Lib from The Kill La Kill Soundtrack

Mario fell down bleeding purple shadow blood all over the floor with his body cracked up, and mangled. He died.

Goombella: YAY! WE DID IT!

Yoshi: HELL YEAH NIGGA!

Koops: Wayda duuz teh trick at last minutez liek alwayz!

Flurrie was busy sucking off her right arm pretending it's a giant dick for victory.

Vivian hovered to the Mario corpse and started tearing up on his chest.

Vivian: *sniff* ... *sniff sniff* ... no... This can't... it can't... end like *sniff* this...*sniff*

Doopliss: HAHAHHAHA! WHAT NOW SHADOW BITCH!? UR BF IS OFFICIALLY DEDz! AND HE AIN'Tz COMINGz BACKz! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL0LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!

Vivian: I... wont... I won't let it end…. like *sniff* this... I WON'T! For his sake…. YOU'RE NOT GONNA WIN! YOU HEAR ME!? I PROMISE YOU!

Koops: Aww shucks... Why d0 Iz feelz like a dickz rightz nowz?

Doopliss: LOLOL! U JUST SADZ CUZ Uz AINT GETTIN ANYMORE D! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOL! LOOOOOOOOOLOLOLOLOLOL! LOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

[TURN 10]

Suddenly, the bag of life shroom started molding into Mario's skin replenishing 10 HP and enough of his body back to normal.

Uplifting Battle Music: Black Xmas by Venom

Mario slowly emerged off the ground and back into action.

Vivian reacted in a wide joyful smile holding her hands together close to her face like in that victory pose she does in the actual game.

Vivian: M… MARIO! Y-YOU'RE ALIVE! BLEEEERG!

Vivian puked on the floor next to Mario out of sheer excitement.

Mario: No shit Vivian. I had life shrooms on me for a reason!

Doopliss: NOoOoOoOoOz! U HAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOORRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZEZ!

Mario: Hey Vivian?

Vivian: Yeah?

Mario: What do you say we finish this chapture already!?

Vivian: Mhmm!

Vivian nodded in agreement as she preformed a shadowy shade fist setting the Mario bodied troll on fire: [6 Damage]

Doopliss: LOLZ! U THUNK A SHADOW FALCON PAUNCH IZ ENOUGH 2 STOP MIIz!?

Mario: BEFORE MY FINISHING HAMMER MOVE, YOU LOOK LIKE A WORN OUT, RETIRED PIECE OF SHIT PLUMBER WAY PAST HIS PRIME WHO CAN'T DO JACK SHIT, OTHER THAN RAPE BABIES WITH MY GREASY HAIRY PEDOPHILE MARIO COCK! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN INSERT CHARACTER AND THAT'S ALL YOU WILL EVER BE, YOU SUICIDE ON THE TOILET WAITING TO HAPPEN, MOTHER-FUCKER!

Mario took his hammer and did an over hyped regular hammer smash. Since Mario has 10 HP, the Power Rush is no longer working at the moment.

Just at the right millisecond,

Mario: 5thformfriezalooksprettycool

Mario deliberately smashed an earthquake into his own possessed bodie's jaw: [5 Damage]

Mario: What.. what the? It didn't work? I didn't transform back to normal!?

Doopliss: LOLOLOL! Uz wer 1 damage away frm finishing miiz offz! AND NOW, IT'S TIME TO UBER PWN U N00B!

Due to Doopliss' ego, and head still on fire from Vivian's attack, he recieved 1 more damage from the fucking fire he forgot to put out on his head: [1 Damage]

Doopliss: Crap...

Doopliss momentarily passed out as his body majically switched with Mario along with their HP stats.

Mario: YEAH! I'M BACK BITCHES! BACK INTO MY SHITTY PEDOPHILE MAN BODY!

[END OF BOSS BATTLE]

Goombella: I don't.. believe this..

VIVIAN: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY! WE BEAT HIM!

Mario: Correction! I beat him! I dealt the last attack, remember?

VIvian: Oh yeah... I guess you're right.

Doopliss in his original blanket form curled up weeping in troll tears...

Doopliss: AWW SHUCKS! I IZ BEATIN NO FARE! I SWARE! THER WAZ LAGz IN DAT BATTLEz!

Mario: Does it look like there was lag, asshole! Now fuck off! I own this Steeple now!

Doopliss: What the...? OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! MY DICK! Y DOEZ MY DICK SUDDENLY BURN SO MUCH!?

Doopliss crouched on the floor reeking of amazing dick pain.

Mario: AHA! NOW YOU HAVE GONORRHEA, BITCH!

Mario said this as he pointed at the troll with Mario having a snarky grin!

Doopliss: NOT... FAIR! THIS ISN'T OVERZ! FUK U! UR ALL FGTS!

Doopliss pointed to Goombella.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Koops.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Flurrie.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Yoshi.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Vivian.

Doopliss: U R!

Doopliss pointed to Mario.

Doopliss: AND U R! ESPECIALLY!

Doopliss: THIS ISN'T OVER! I WIL XZACT REVENGE! I SWAIR! I WILL MAKE AN ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA PAGE 4 "SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!" AND UZ WILL ALL BE UBR TROLOLOLLED! AAAHHH MY DIIIICKFKKPOSGIOSGFSOGJBSNKFSBDFIOSBSIDCBSNDFJSKDSDNCBSDFNSDNSDKJSDNGKSDVSDJFKGSKXDFGBSCDJcfCKJDFJKDKFCHGBXJDBKGSBFVJDFVBDOBKNCDSVJNFGBHSDFBIUFDNVGMJFHCDKFJBHFDOJKBNCKFJBVOFJKCNDKSIJVNDHFBIFNHNBKCDVHBFSOKJSCNVOKBJHFSGSNDFOCBGDSJVOFSKJSCNDJVBHFGBNJCHVB NFJBCJSFDBGSDHSODFKBGSMDNJCVGNDHJVCBDJHSBAXKJVCHBMSJHCNVBFHVNFDOGVNSDFHGXBSDHJCSKVJDFVFDHJVNGDBVECHBEVROUGBRVNHGBCSONGBSDIDVNIOREHGOQIQIUYTERBUGNHEGCHGVSOGHDFGMBDVFGDOSNFIVGDGBOFGONSCGHSFMVUBOVHSDGNVSICUMFBFNHVIUSNOUFHONSUIGCBOIGNSDUBGISGNCNHSMHVMBSDFIVIAMMASTERPFSGVNHFMSGIXUAHDGINHGBFAGHNPGSPFUGVPNDNIGGERFPUIGVNFSDGUPNDSGPDFICGKVNHUVGISDHNVGPGBSFGUICSDGMNDPSGHUVPIGPNIBDFHGBCJGDNKHGOEGNUHGNUGIVNDFGODFGBUDFVOGUDIGOUDONBUISGHSXUBDCONVSDOGUBOFNGOVIGSDBGVNIGUHSUGBOHDSFGUIOSDGNHSDIUFGOHSDFNGUISDFUIGOSDFUIGSFDUIGOSDFUIGSDOFGSDFUIGSDFYUGSFDNGOUDFGBUOYGFNUIYBDGUOIFSNVUSIGFNBFUIBMFGHBSMUI NHU BFS IUBNSUIBSHBFNGUBIFGN8FDJKDLDBSJKBFGDFJSFDBLNDOIWP QQWERTYUQWERTYUIO0-1234567890-=ASDFGHJKL;'QWERTYUIOP[]\ZXCVBNM,./! #$%^&*()_+|}{{}|{POIUYTREWQASDFGHJKL:"?MNBVCXZWQAZXSEWEDCVFRTGBNHYUJMKIOL?:PHFGKFHFGHJGFHFOMHSONVNMDJOFGISMCBJNFGBILOFJSNGBCJOBNSGFOJICNFBJFNBGSJBKNSGFJBKNFBSKBOFGSNBSFJKBNSFKJSFNGBJFKBNFGJKSFNBKNFBKBNFBGFBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBPOJSFHPNVGBIPONGMPBIOSHJBVPNHJVSHPSHIUNPUSOMBSNIBPNHBSFPBHFNBPSFNBGJBNSGFPINFGBISFBNISFBINBSFIGBFIBFISGBSIFBISFBISPFIBGSPBISFISFNIFGNISFGINSFINSFIGNSIFGNISFGNISFGNIFGNISFINSFUHDAMPGMHNRGPIAGHNPIUNPGHIAERUGNAEGINAEGPIANFVPDIFBJKNBCVPBVJVNBVBPVBIGPJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJKKKKKKKKKKKKJJJJJJJJJFGJCDGVIFGGBSG=VGCAEGOBJFKVGIAOBNGVOKCJVOFGBOVGJCNGVKGAOGONGOIGOUHGKGJBVBVJKBSHVLJVBSDVKBDSKBDVDKBJBKB J

Doopliss jumped out of his window safely as he shouted out hand typed gibberish leaving Team M to be alone in his room.

Goombella: Okay okay... Can some1 explain to me WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?

Koops: Ya! No kidding! Did weez just get shellwinked?

Goombella: That's... not a real expression people actually say, Koops.

Koops: S0 what? I'm just trying 2 b cleverz!

Mario: Stop talking like that before I kill you in cold koopa blood!

Koops: OKAY!

Mario: Yeah... You 4 retards just got trolled something fierce. Honestly, I'm a little disappointed in all of you. I can't believe you all fell for such a PAINFULLY obvious troll. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!? No… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? You should all be ashamed of yourselves for being such fucking pathetic retards!

Flurrie: Oh my... You're right... How could I, MADAME FLURRIE have mistaken such a sexually deplorable personality such as his with your pussy gouging 1? This truly shakes up Flurrie's mountain like ego I do say... *sniff sniff* WAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAA! Good thing… I have a fetish for tears…. The lactation *sniff* of the optical cavities...

Yoshi: Aight, I'm starting to get it! We was trolled! So like, you back to normal and shit now?

Mario: Yes I am, dumbshit.

Yoshi: Right... And who dat lovely ass shadow bitch dat be on yo D!?

Vivian: Hey...

Mario: This is Vivian. She's our new Team M member. Now I know what you're all thinking. You see, I don't actually want her to join either. It was the [INITIATION MODE] thing that happened that got her in. Not me.

Goombella: Wha- JI JIJ iKDBgskjbsjgksbgsfsfsgkjsbs… ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! SHE JOINED!? but… Wait… N-NO! No! I REFUSE! She is NOT gonna be in our fucking team!

Flurrie: Why is that Goombella?

Goombella: CAUSE! SHE'S A VILLAIN! HER NAME EVEN SOUNDS LIKE "VILLAIN" WHEN YOU OVERTHINK IT!

Yoshi: Dayamn! I sure as hell don't trust that shit then!

Goombella: WE'RE NOT LETTING AN X-NAUT MEMBER JOIN US! THAT'S RETARDED!

Vivian: I'm... not even a part of that thing anym-

Goombella: NO! FUCK THAT SHIT!

Yoshi: YEI! FUCK THAT SHIT!

Flurrie: My... Well we sure don't want any traders in our truffle…. I vote nay!

Vivian: ...

Goombella: KOOPS!

Koops: Yeah?

Goombella: YOU HAVE TO VOTE NAY RIGHT NOW!

Koops: Uhh... nay?

Goombella: See that Mario!? 4 AGAINST 1! AND SHE DOESN'T GET TO COUNT AS A VOTE CAUSE THAT THING IS A BAD GUY!

Mario: Don't you think you're making this into more of a personal problem than it needs to be?

Koops: Wait uhh… Oh cheese and crackers, what did I agree to again?

Goombella: BESIDES, LIKE YOU ALWAYS SAY, WE HAVE ENOUGH PARTNERS ALREADY!

Vivian: I'm *sniff*... really sorry if I-

Goombella: OH WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE AND GO BACK TO YOUR SHADOW SKANK SISTERS BEFORE YOU GET SERIOUSLY HURT! WHAT FLURRIE SAID, WE CLEARLY DON'T WANT ANY TRAITING BITCHES IN OUR TEAM!

Mario: …. Yeahh.. You know what? I could be asking the same thing if you guys are traitors or not too. Just 5 minutes ago, we were in a [BATTLE MODE] against each other. Now I know you were all getting trolled, but that's still no excuse for getting trolled THAT BADLY!

Goombella: But Mario!?

Mario punched/ decked Goombella, Koops, Flurrie, and Yoshi in the face.

Koops: WHAT DID I DO!?

Mario: No! Unlike any of you 4 dumbasses, Vivian actually figured out that I was me and that y'all retards were getting trolled! And she actually helped get my fucking perverted body back! So at this rate, none of you here are any different than a common former villain yourselves. Oh, and by the way Goombella, I'd check your math, because it's more like INFINITY to 4! AND I'M THE INFINITY, BITCH!

Vivian: Thank you Mario!

Mario: Shut up! You ditched me when you found out you were next to some1 awesome! That's pretty shitty too!

Goombella: BUT.. B- …*sigh* Fuck you Mario… Fine... I guess she can... BLEEERG... join then...

Koops: Oh gosh golly... Seriously!? Gosh.. I'm so nervous... I know i've been wanting to talk to her for so long since 3 - 7, but… I never expect her to ACTUALLY join us… Ahhh! What do I do!? I wish I had pants and underwear on!

Flurrie: Hmmm... She is indeed quite the doll I do say… maybe even a blow up doll if Flurrie uses enough imagination...hmhmhmhmmmmmmm…..

Yoshi: Yei. I approve I guess... She does look hot as fuck… I wonder if she got a ass...

Vivian: Wow... Thanks again Mario. Thanks for sticking up for me... Sorry I was getting so worked up back there about finding out that you were Mario, and that whole "you look like a duhduhduhduhduuh" thing you do. I know now that it's just a gag you do and that I shouldn't take it super seriously. I mean, you even did it to yourself too! That must have been pretty brave of you. Like, I guess what I'm trying to say is that as the new Team M member, I have to get used to some new crazy stuff like that from now on.

Mario: I guess. So you actually wanna join my badass team even with all of these fucking retards?

Vivian: Yeah! I don't give a shit!

Vivian has officially joined Team M now fo-reelzeez

Koops: Wait... did she just curse just now?

Vivian: I'll even prove I'm in it! HERE! Here's the Star of Lust by the way! You earned it!

Vivian grabbed the Star that Doopliss dropped before his sheer spaz attack.

Goombella: OH SHIT! SHE'S GONNA STEAL IT! KILL HER! KILL HER NOW!

Vivian casually handed Mario the 4th star without any thoughts of any tricks.

Mario: Sweet!

Goombella: … God dammit Mario, WHY THE FUCK are you being so nice to her!?

Mario: Oh come on, at 1st I started out being nice to all of you. Accept for Flurrie of course.

Flurrie: Hello dearieeee...

Flurrie started winking pervertedly at who knows who.

Mario: Also, we're at the point of our story now where we can use a Fire Mage for our RPG battles. I mean, you've played the early Final Fantasy games right?

Goombella: I guess… wait, Fire Mage? What?

Vivian's mouth started to do that curly lines quivver thing that characters do when they're about to cry.

Vivian: *sniff sniff* You know Mario,... Finally... After 1000 long years... I'll be heading towards a new tomorrow thanks to you...And being with you all... is a dream come true... This is...*sniff* ... This is... the happiest... day... of MY LIFE!

Mario: She's a little emotional guys...

Vivian started crying as she hovered over to Mario and hugged him in a tight arm lock to cry on his fucking shoulder.

Goombella: Oh my GOD...

Mario: THe fuck you doing!?

Vivian: THANK YOU! THANK YOU 1,000,000 FOLD! FOR EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! *continues crying tears of joy*

Mario: G-GOD DAMNIT!

Vivian continued crying on Mario.

Mario: gET THIS BITCH OFF OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Every1 started laughing as always. Goombella was laughing sarcastically, Koops was laughing out of anxiety over his own feelings of Vivian being too real for him, Flurrie was laughing cuz who gives a fuck why, and Yoshi was laughing cause he was thinking about that scene from Dragon Ball where Oolong wished for a pair of underwear.

Mario: THIS IS SO FUCKING GAY RIGHT NOW! IF YOU GIVE ME GONORRHEA AGAIN, I WILL ACTUALLY KILL YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Closing theme: Intro To Finale And Closing (2nd half) by Bruce Faulconer

Wow! Talk about a good ol' way to finish a chapture huh! So as you know, Mario at last, defeated the fuck-troll and got his body back, as well as the 4th dedly star at the same time. And that means that the quest for stars is now MORE THAN HALFWAY OVER! DUN DUN DUUUNN! Now, Mario and his 5 strange friends are now off to another bizarre drug party. Now that Vivian is an official Team M member, what about Beldam and Marilyn? Aren't they gonna be pretty pissed off? Well, Beldam at least? And what about Doopliss? Since Mario didn't kill him off like Hookertail, and Grubba, Doopliss will probably re-occur in a future chapture or more sadly. And what about the X-Nauts? What kind of fucked up shit are they planning next? Find out as we BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE NEXT FUCKING CHAPTURE IN SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

-To be continued

Credit's theme: You're gonna die by Destroy all Monsters

Creator: IAMMASTER

No vibes were harmed in the making of this.

Based on a True Game

After Credits:

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 6:30 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

[Twilight Town]

Meanwhile, Beldam and Marilyn emerged from their siesta wondering where the fuck Vivian went.

Beldam: Cu-cu-cu-cu-cu-CURSES! It's worse than I thought! *injects paint into her bloodstream* That damn Vivian knew she would get killed off, so she must have joined Team M to spite us! MRR!

Marilyn: GUH!

Marilyn was eating her 4 foot tall Mountain Dew cup from Arby's.

Beldam: NOW WE NEED TO REPLACE VIVIAN TO SPITE HER BACK SOME!

A blanket troll monster who totally wasn't the main antagonist of this chapture passed by the 2 Shadow Sirens.

Doopliss: WAFISGOHSGJISBNGJSIOGNSJKDVONSKGOSBNDVHSKGBSJDVBSDJVKSFSVSBJSHVBSJHVBSDVHJSBDJHSBDJHSKGBSJDKVBSDJKBSDCJVSDKBKJSDBSNGRSJBSDKCHVBSDJGSBDJSKDBJSDBSJKVBSDJCBSDJKVHKSBDJSDBSD!1

Beldam: ... That guy.

More After Credits:

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 24th, 2004. It is 6:32 AM, night time and 63 Degrees F]

[Creepy Steeple]

Mario: If it makes you feel better Goombella, I have this golden flower creature corpse I raped to deth. If you want, you can tattle him.

Mario dropped the smelly bloody Amazy Dayzee corpse on the ground.

Goombella: *sigh* Thanks Mario... Can you give me back my fucking tattle log Vivian!?

Vivian: Oh! Right, sorry! Forgot I still had it.

Vivian handed Goombella the tattle log.

Goombella: Let's see…

Flurrie: I'm gonna be bald from now on guys!

Goombella uses tattle on Amazy Dayzee: This is an Amazy Dayzee. The supreme ruler among all of the Dayzee people... and apparently, you... raped him... Yeah... Holy shit! He has a power level of 330!? HOLY FUCK THAT'S HIGH FOR A MINOR ENEMY! Even for a boss too! Damn! He lullabies so hard, it deals 20 damage! But... He's already ded, so... no need to look out. I guess that's... all we need to know then… Ehh… It's not as exciting if there's no battle going on, huh...

Vivian: That was still pretty neat though!

Goombella: ... Shut up Vivian... just... shut up.

Koops: Hwow! Talk about some real Deja Vu, huh Mario?

Mario: Shut up Koops.