Last Chapter. Thank you all for the kind reviews and words. They help. The ride has been fun! Let me know what you think! Thanks again.

#6 / and the one time she wasn't.

He hears her feet drag before he hears the door shut. The house feels better with her inside, safer. When he looks over, he sees darkness on her face and a sense of foreboding.
"Rough day?"
Kate nods, more to herself than the occupants of the house.
"Hiya mumma!" Comes a voice from the next room.
"Hi Pumpkin." She says slowly.
She walks up to Castle. "Later." She promises, with a kiss. She looks so forlorn that Castle can't help but her feel apprehension and worry. "You ok?"
"Mmmm. Later. Promise." She moves away before he can envelop her into a hug.
"Mumma! Looks what daddy 'n I made!"
She walks to the front room, after her son, to see a Lego tower.
"That's great bubba. How did you do it?"
As her son tells her about his tower, she sinks into the couch. Letting the days events wash over. She's so glad to be home.
She throws a Lego piece towards her son, "One more piece bub, then wash up for dinner. Whatever dad's cooking sure smells perfect."
Her son contemplates where to put the last piece and she wanders back into the kitchen.
Castle turns to her.
"What's up, buttercup?"
She smiles. "What's for dinner?" He's not oblivious to the fact that she's glossed over the question, and chooses to answer all the same.
"Mac and Cheese. Tom's favourite, he picked. Quick and easy. Sorry got caught writing."
"Mm no, sounds perfect."
As they sit down for dinner, Castle begins to feel more and more concerned. She's not as engaged in Tom's stories as she usually is. And she's not eating at all. Luckily, his son can talk until the cows come home and is completely oblivious to the fact that his mother isn't really listening.

After dinner he sets Kate up with a glass of wine, and begins the night rituals for his sons bedtime. To his surprise, Kate tags along and goes through the motions with latent smiles and generic praise. Finally after they've read Tom his stories and the kids eyes are closing shut, Kate gives him a kiss on the forehead and wanders back into the front room.
Castle follows her out, whispering goodnight to their son.

He starts to pack up the dishes.
"Tell me what's wrong?" He implores quietly. "What happened today?"
She sighs. A 'I've got the weight of the whole world on my shoulders sigh'. She moves towards the couch. Plonking herself down, she breathes in deep and tells him; "I think I'm going to retire."
He laughs. Out loud.
She looks sharply at him.
"I'm not kidding."
"Babe, what happened?" She shakes her head.
"I don't want to do this anymore." She says it with such heaving emotion that he can't stop himself from gathering her up and enclosing her in hug.
"Ok." He says simply.
"Ok." She says back.
"You still gotta tell me what happened today."
She nods.
"Can we go to bed?"
He nods back. "Come on."
He takes her hand and leads her to the bedroom. The dishes and Lego tower forgotten.
They're watching something or other when she starts talking. With a deep breath in, she starts to describe her day.

"You know we've been after the child-killer. The one that shot his son and dog?" He nods. He knew the case had been playing on her mind. A particularly horrific case where the son had been left with his abusive father after the mother had died. They had deduced that that the dog had been shot first and the son by accident. Called in by a neighbor who'd heard the shots the father had been long gone by the time the police had got there. Kate had been a wreck about it, wanting justice for the boy, only a little older than her son.
"You got him?"
She nods.
"That's good!"
"I was shot. Again. Kind of."
His heart drops.
"What?! How?! Where?! Are you ok?" He sits up. Looking her up and down. She looks ok. He holds up her hands, takes her face in her hands and rubs his hands through her hair over her body and down her back.
"I'm ok Castle."
She sits up, thinks better of it and cocoons down into the covers.
"He had a gun, I chased him, he shot. I was wearing my vest." Hmm that explains the ginger movements and slow walk.
"It hit in the same spot as the funeral shot." She sighs. "I panicked. Hid. Espo and Ryan got him. Espo took him back, Ryan came to find me having a panic attack."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I asked them not to. I just wanted to come home. See you. See Tom. Have some semblance of normal for the first time this week."
He brushes his hand through her hair. Feels the long scar of the last shooting, the raised bump that hasn't quiet healed.
"Katherine Beckett. I don't think you could stop being a cop anymore than I could stop writing. You are, without a doubt, the most compassionate, determined, bravest woman I know. You are my wife, Tom's mother and Alexis' stepmom and if that is the path you want to take from here on in, then I support you 100%. But, if you feel that perhaps this last couple of weeks has just been too much and you need a break? I can support you in that too. And if you want to retire? Well, mull on that for the week, and if you still feel the same, then that's ok. We will figure it out."
She snuggles closer too him,
"I think I'll dream tonight." She warns him. He nods. He'd be surprised if she didn't. He's used to the nightmares and broken sleep.
"It's ok, Kate. Sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up." He pulls out the laptop and winks at her. "I'm researching places to visit for when you retire."
She lays on his chest. "Somewhere warm." She requests, closing her eyes.

She's only asleep ten, maybe fifteen minutes before she starts shaking and muttering violently. He sighs. So no sleep tonight. She wakes herself up before he's able to.
"Ok?" He whispers wiping her hair off her face.
"Mm." She rolls out of the bed and heads to the ensuite. He hears the water running. He wonders if he should go after her. Sometimes he does and she pushes him away, others he doesn't and he knows that he should have. When he hears gasping, he leaps out of bed and heads straight for her. Personal boundaries be damned. He knocks and opens the door. She's in the corner, back agains the wall. Panic attack, he deduces. He hasn't seen her like this in so long. It must have been bad. Hell the whole weeks been bad, pushing herself to pretty much breaking point. And here she is breaking. He should message Ryan. And Espo. Maybe Gates. See if Kate can get some time off. Personal leave? Annual leave? He'll find out.
He turns his attention back towards her.
"Kate. Kate I need you to look at me." He places a finger on her chin and turns her face to look at his.
"Kate. I need you to breathe In and out." He uses the low steady voice, just like the good Doctor Burke taught him.
It always scares him, seeing her like this. After the second shooting, the panic attacks came back almost worst than the first time. She took almost the same amount of time off, coupled with the fact that she was pregnant did not bode well. Several times she'd passed out from hyperventilation. They'd found ways around it, ways to help it. It still scared him though.
He eyes look up at him. Her breathing slows. His heart rate drops with hers. He strokes her face, her arms and rubs her chest. He gives her kiss and holds her close.
"Daddy?" Comes a small voice in the corner. A head peaks round the corner into the bathroom. "Daddy, I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?" Castle groans inwardly. Never one to deny his son he knows he must do just that. Kate does tend to flail in nightmares and flashbacks. He's copped a few bruises over the years.
"Daddy, why are you and mummy in the bathroom?"
Castle looks to Kate and looks at Tom. Deciding Kate to be the more pressing of the two, he cups her face in his hands. "It's ok. I'm ok. Go." She's almost coherent and he takes this as a good sign. He stands her up and pushes her towards the bed. "Go. I'll be there in a minute."
He picks Tom up, "hey little man. Bad dream huh?" Tom nods. Maybe he felt it in the loft too. The kid is damn perceptive.
He has an idea.

"Hey buddy, wanna help me with something?"
Tom nods. "Ok. I need you to go and get your stars night light. And all the blankets you can find."
"Pillow fort?" His son asks.
"Better!" Grins Castle, "Camping in the front room."
With renewed energy, Castle brings together the tall chairs and table. He finds the big couch pillows and brings them into the centre, making a cocoon for Tom, separated by a long pillow. That should do it, he finds the dark blanket and hooks it to the roof of the table. Enough to see the stars.
Tom wanders in. "Cool dad!"
Sleep is long gone from his eyes. Hmm hopefully this wasn't the worst idea. "Did you grab blankets?"
Castle looks behind him to see a trail of blankets. "Good job." He says ruffling his hair.
He places the blankets on the floor before running to grab Tom's doona, and the spare one from the cupboard.
"Alright, champ. Climb in, lie down. Tell me what you can see?"
"I see all the stars!"
"Alright, I want you watch the stars. When I come back, I'll tell you a story about the stars. I'm just going to get your mum. Ok?" When he doesn't hear a response he assumes his son is deep in concentration. He hopes so anyway.
When he returns to the bedroom, it seems that Kate has fallen back asleep. Not peacefully though. Still murmuring, tossing and turning, her sleep looks anything but peaceful. He gently wakes her. "Come with me."
"Tom ok?" She whispers,
He nods. "Come on."
She follows him into the front room, "oh Castle." She crawls in, without hesitation. He follows her, hoping he's made enough space for them all. Tom's already asleep on the makeshift raised bed. Stars still bright.
"This is perfect." He wraps her in the covers, then in his arms.
"Tell me a story, Castle."
He smiles. That he can do. That he can do well.
"Once upon a time, there was a princess, and she was very accident prone..."