A/N : So I thought I'd put a bit of a foreshadowing note that the song playing in the final scene of this chapter (most of the lyrics are included) is "West" by Sleeping At Last, in case anyone wants to give it a listen and set the tone for the scene :) (Also I'm sure everyone knows this already, but Sleeping At Last is fantastic - you can practically pick anyone of their songs at random and be met with something beautiful, but I digress - enjoy the chapter!) *Also I apologize in advance for it's length.

True North

"You okay?," she asked him when they pulled up to the Ark. Clarke had been watching Bellamy from the corner of her eye on the cab ride over and she could tell that something was weighing on him, something that hadn't been there the night before when they'd lounged on the couch innocently arguing over Star Wars. Or not so innocently on his part… the boy had an obsession. But if you asked her, Clarke thought space was overrated.

He refused to look at her, simply nodded curtly, "Fine."

He handed the driver the fare and got out of the cab without another word. Clarke sighed before following suit. "Bellamy wait!" He was practically at the door before she could grab a hold of his arm and spin him around. He stared down at her hand and she removed it instantly, "If there's something bothering you, tell me."

Again he refused to meet her eyes. She noticed the familiar tick of his jaw before he closed his eyes and took a weary breath. When he opened them again Clarke never would have guessed anything was troubling him, that is if she hadn't known him better. But she knew he was probably just burying whatever it was inside.

"I just hate the holidays Princess, that's all."

She frowned until she caught a flash of what looked like a plea in his eye. Fine, if that's the way he wanted to play it, she'd let this go. For now.

"Yes well you're not the only one sharing that sentiment so we might as well go in there and be bitter together."

He smirked half heartedly, "Mutual disdain, I like it."

She rolled her eyes and hooked her arm through his, "Come on Grinch, try not to make any children cry while we're at it." She dragged him through the door while he refuted her, "You can't use that it's not even Christmas," but his argument was cut off the moment they stepped into the Ark. The place was so abuzz with commotion you'd think it was any other working day.

"Good God," Clarke heard Bellamy mutter beside her and she couldn't help but snort. He certainly hadn't been kidding with his earlier assessment of what today would be like. She should have known Octavia was incapable of organizing anything resembling a small low key gathering. The place was packed to the brim, some faces familiar to Clarke and the rest she was just left to assume were Lincoln's apparently huge family.

"Bellamy! Clarke!" she made out her best friend's voice over the commotion and they headed over to where O was standing, drink in hand, with a group.

"So you two are late," she chastised. Clarke's "Blame him" came out at the same time as Bellamy's "Blame her," causing the two of them to turn to the other and glare.

"Or we could blame Murphy," a familiar voice came up from behind her making her jump and clutch her chest, "I've been told everyone gets a kick out of doing that."

Octavia shot Clarke a look as Bellamy visibly tensed. "Stalker or guest?" she asked.

"Does it have to be one or the other?" Murphy asked while sipping on a glass of wine he'd managed to snag from God knows where. Or, more fittingly, who.

"Your brother here decided to invite a stray," Clarke said while sneaking a glance at Bellamy who, for not the first time that day, inexplicably looked like he wanted to murder her co worker. She said inexplicably because from the moment she saw the two of them together at the hospital, something had felt off, and for the life of her she could not figure out what. She dealt with the general displeasures that came from spending time in John Murphy's company day in and day out so she knew how many buttons he could push. The question remained however as to what he'd done to send the older Blake sibling day dreaming about homicide.

"Oh did he now?" Octavia said with an amused grin.

Bellamy shook his head like he could will himself out of the conversation. "I'm going to go find Lincoln."

Octavia looked at Clarke shiftily, "Clarke you better follow him, Lincoln wanted to introduce you to some people anyways."

She narrowed her eyes at her friend, but decided to go along with it anyways. What did strike her though was the way Octavia grabbed Murphy by the tail of his shirt to hinder his attempt to leave.

"Not you… I want to talk to you."

Though her head was turned by the time he said it Clarke had no trouble picturing his tell tale leer as he replied, "Consider me more than happy to oblige."

She was still frowning when she was greeted by a side hug from Lincoln, "I'm glad Bell convinced you to come Clarke." She smiled and returned his embrace, "Yeah me too, so who exactly is us."

"Ah", Lincoln said as he looked around the Ark, "We may have taken over the place, but your sister said to invite everyone so…"

"Not ashamed of your family are you Lincoln?" At that moment Clarke noticed the commanding woman who had come up to stand next to Lincoln. Her words may have been stern, but her face donned a soft affectionate smile as she held him under her gaze. Lincoln laughed, "Easy Indra, you know I wouldn't make it out of here alive if I said I was."

They clasped each other's forearms tightly before the woman wrapped Lincoln up into a tight embrace. Clarke raised a brow in Bellamy's direction, but he just shrugged.

"Enough of that, now tell me who are these friends of yours?"

"Indra this is Bellamy Blake, Octavia's older brother and his roommate Clarke — Octavia's best friend. Guys this is my Aunt Indra, she raised me after my parents died."

Indra smiled at the two of them, but Clarke couldn't shake the feeling like they were somehow being tested. Indra turned towards Bellamy first, "You have an impressive sister Mister Blake, you must be proud."

Clarke studied his features intently as he turned to glance at Octavia who was still talking to Murphy and it almost looked like she was handing him something. His face broke into an easy smile, "It'd be hard not to be."

"Lincoln tells me you played a big role in raising your sister."

Bellamy nodded, but Clarke could tell her looked somewhat uncomfortable, "Well she is my sister. It was my responsibility. Although I think she's turned out just fine on her own. She had good influences in her life."

His gazed was fixed on Clarke now and she had to fight to stifle a blush.

"Trust me," Clarke started, "if there's anything O picked up from me it got there by diffusion not from any effort on my part."

Indra's mouth curved into an amused grin as Octavia joined the group, "Are we talking about me?"

Bellamy rolled his eyes, "How did you guess?"

"I have my ways," she fired back at him before giving Lincoln a soft peck on the cheek. "Lincoln where's Roan? I thought you were going to introduce him to Clarke." Octavia threw a suggestive grin her way and wiggled her brows not so subtly before turning back towards Lincoln. A look flashed between the two of them and Lincoln's mouth broke into a grin.

"Roan's around, come on Clarke."

Clarke gave Octavia a "wtf" kind of look, but took Lincoln's outstretched arm and followed him to God knows where. As she left she thought she could see Bellamy scowl, but figured it was probably her imagination. Probably.

"So why'd you invite the goblin?" Octavia asked after they'd finished their conversation with Indra. The woman was intimidating, even he could admit that. A part of him was entertained with he thought that some day she may just end up being Octavia's mother in law. Not that he wanted his sister to get married any time soon, but still, that was bound to be fun to watch.

"Why don't you ask him?" he replied, "You two certainly seemed chummy earlier."

"We had other things to discuss, anyways, how are you?"

Bellamy looked at his sister suspiciously, "Fine. Same as I was last week. What's gotten into you?" His eyes left hers to search the room. His gaze landed on Clarke, Lincoln, and a beast of a man who Bellamy could only assume was Roan. Seriously. That guy? The guy who looked like he was the leader of a biker gang, that was the guy who his sister was trying to set Clarke up with. Bellamy narrowed his eyes and shook his head with disgust.

"Oh nothing nothing, I was just wondering if there's any new reason why you keep staring at Clarke from across the room, but it's nice to hear that it's just the same old unrequited pining."

Bellamy froze and cursed himself internally at the unwelcome blush he felt creeping onto his cheeks. His dilating blood vessels could go to hell.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the words gave out almost like a snarl.

"Hey guys what are we talking about?" Miller asked as he gave Octavia an one armed hug. Today he'd brought his boyfriend Bryan along who was off talking to Harper and Monroe.

"Oh nothing, just the fact that Bellamy keeps staring at Clarke."

Miller smirked, "Well that's nothing new."

Bellamy leaned over to smack his friend who'd unfortunately gotten annoyingly good at dodging him.

"You two suck you know that."

"Well, well, well, Blake," Bellamy saw red when a voice he'd spent far too much time with within the past 24 hours joined the group, "Looks like someone isn't as good of a liar as I thought."

"Do you come with an off switch?"

"Not sure, why don't you check? You can call 1-800-kiss-my-ass if you need instructions."

Bellamy groaned as Octavia snorted and Miller roared, "Oh my god who is this guy? I love you already."

"The name's John Murphy — certifiable piece of human waste, pleasure to meet you."

Octavia leaned in and whispered into Bellamy's ear, "Well at least he's self aware."

Miller laughed and shook the guy's hand, "You, I like."

"And I no longer trust your judgement," Octavia joked.

Miller hooked Murphy round the arm to introduce him to the gang and Bellamy watched them leave dubiously. "So," Octavia started.

"O just drop it please." He didn't want to deal with this right now. Not when the only thing he'd had on his mind since leaving the hospital was how he was going to tell Clarke. If he was going to tell Clarke, and the fact that no matter what he did, whatever the two of them had was probably going to be ruined.

"Looks like her and Roan are getting cozy."

Bellamy turned his head around to follow Octavia's gaze only to find that Clarke and Roan were standing a good distance apart. Clarke seemed oblivious to the way the stranger was looking at her and Bellamy couldn't help but smirk at that. Good. She could do better.

When he looked back to face Octavia his sister was frowning, "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Bellamy sighed, "I'm not doing anything Octavia, let it go."

"You've just been so happy lately and don't insult my intelligence by trying to tell me that a part of that isn't because of Clarke."

"So what if it is?" he asked defensively. "It's not my fault she's tolerable once you get to know her."

Octavia gave him a knowing look and Bellamy ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Look O I love you, but stay out of this one alright. Things with Clarke are good ok? Complicated, but good. I don't want to mess up whatever we've got going on."

His sister crossed her arms and raised her brow, "And that is?"

Bellamy sighed as the weight of the loaded question landed on him. He didn't know the answer, not the full extent of it anyways. He knew the way he'd been feeling lately and he'd been doing his damnedest to ignore it. Clearly his efforts had been unsuccessful.

"I don't know."

"You want to hear my opinion?"

He flashed her a look, "No, not particularly."

O narrowed her eyes, "Rude. Moving on, if you ask me —,"

"I didn't," he made sure to point out.

"You're worse than Clarke you know that?" He smirked and she continued, "If you ask me, I think she'd be good for you."

Bellamy crossed his arms, "Is that so?"

Octavia nodded with an air of confidence, "And I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one who thinks so."

"Oh really, and who else might that be?" His sister fixed him with an are you serious kind of glare.

"Right Lincoln, of course, I should have known. So is that," he gestured to where Clarke and Roan were now sitting at one of the two long temporary dinner tables, "all your idea then? Using some stranger to make me jealous, really O? What are we, 12?"

"Call it a collaborative effort, and it's working isn't it?"

Bellamy swore under his breath and his sister laughed, "Oh big brother you're in deep aren't you?"

He rolled his eyes and looked away, his gaze unconsciously drawn to the subject of this ridiculous argument once again. Bellamy sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Hair he'd been considering getting cut, at least that was until a certain someone had told him she'd liked it. God he was pathetic. He was in deeper than he knew, and he was equally as fucked.

"Fine I'll drop it, but can I say one more thing?"

"I highly doubt I have the ability to stop you from sharing your unsolicited opinion."

Octavia mimicked his earlier eye roll, "You know you make these things more difficult for yourself. Anyways, what I was going to say is that I think you'd be good for her too."

Bellamy looked down at the ground and scoffed, "I doubt that." Yes he doubted it, but at the same time he recognized something else within him. The part of him that wanted to believe that it could be true.

His sister came up beside him and nudged him comfortingly, "Don't."

A few hours later dinner was all but wrapped up and Clarke was convinced she'd gained more pounds than she could count on both hands. Lincoln and his family had taken over the Ark's kitchen and she was pretty sure she'd be dreaming about that turkey for nights to come.

"So tell me Clarke," her new friend started as he leaned his elbow on the table. Clarke had actually been fascinated by Roan when Lincoln had introduced the two of them. It turned out the guy ran his own gym up in Tacoma, but Clarke wasn't convinced he wasn't some kind of part time assassin. She wasn't about to pretend like that might not come in handy some day. "Why has Octavia's brother been looking at me like he wants to wring my neck all night?"

Clarke frowned. She actually hadn't noticed anything particularly odd about Bellamy's behaviour towards Roan, but maybe that was just because she was used to the waves of his surly behaviour. Luckily for her she hadn't been the recipient of them for some time now.

Bellamy was sitting across from them along with Harper and Monroe. Nearby were Miller and Bryan who were just about the cutest couple Clarke had ever seen, not that she'd tell Octavia that. The evening had gone better than she'd expected actually. She'd spent most of it bantering with Bellamy, who despite his best efforts at hating the holiday looked like he was actually having a good time as the gang had all shared some of their more unfortunate Thanksgiving stories.

"And yet you pick on me for being a terrible cook?" She'd had the pleasure of mocking him when she'd found out about the time the Blake's Thanksgiving had been interrupted by a visit from the Fire Department.

"Cooking had nothing to do with it! It wasn't my fault the damn timer broke."

"Ah yes, the timer "broke" did it?" She'd almost choked on stuffing when he graced them all with his trademark scowl.

Things had gone great actually and she was surprised at how relaxed she felt - even with their surprise guest. On Clarke's other side sat Murphy who she hadn't had much trouble blissfully ignoring for the majority of the dinner. In fact he'd seemed rather preoccupied with one of Lincoln's gorgeous cousins' sitting on his right. But at that comment Murphy and Bellamy both quirked up to attention.

Murphy snorted, "And here I was thinking that was reserved just for me. Where did it go wrong Blake, I thought we had something special?"

Clarke laughed, "Don't take it personally Roan, Bellamy has questionable interpersonal skills."

Miller raised his glass, "Now isn't that the truth."

Bellamy glared at his friend, "Oh shut up Miller." But she could tell it was all in jest. "What it's true!" Miller defended himself, "Back in college I thought you were going to kill me during the first two months we were shacked up together."

"Yes well you were a shit roommate so whose fault is that?"

Miller laughed, "And yet look at us now Blake, best friends until the end. See Clarke," she had to lean forward to look at him down the table, "That's what you've got to look forward to."

She smirked and look at Bellamy across the table, "Best friends eh?"

He took a drink of the beer next to him and avoided her gaze, "Something like that."

Clarke frowned, but let the comment slide — the conversation had already turned to copious gushing about the food. But once the plates were cleared and everyone began lazily milling about Clarke broke away from the group to grab her purse. She knew what she'd find in there and she didn't want to be around people who were having a good time when she did. Clarke had never felt comfortable being the downer. She slipped outside into the cool Seattle night when no one was watching.

Clarke walked to the edge of the street and sat herself down onto the side walk. Slowly and reluctantly she reached into her bag to retrieve her phone and with one click the screen lit up with the two text messages she knew she'd find. Two she'd been both anticipating and dreading all day. If she was being honest her earlier surgery had been a welcome distraction.

The first was from Wells. Even though the two of them weren't close anymore, a truth which pained her today of all days more than she'd like to admit, they'd made a habit of checking in with each other once in a while. He was married now to some girl he'd met back in Newport. Clarke had been writing her final exams during the wedding.

The message was short, simple, and sweet, attached with a photo of him and his smiling wife.

Long time no see Griffin, or should I say Dr. Griffin now? Sorry that was lame. I miss you by the way — Gemma's getting tired of me telling the same old stories every year, especially about someone she's never met. She'd like to by the way, in case you were wondering. There's always a spot at our table for you Clarke, you know that. Anyways, the invitation stands… maybe next year? Take care of yourself Clarke. Miss you. Wells.

She smiled at his goofy smile in the photo, even though she was almost sure it was the same one he'd sent last year. She wrote back a quick reply, knowing it was probably going to be the last time they talked for a while and made sure to throw in a photo of the food she'd stuffed herself with earlier.

When she was done she inhaled deeply before reading the next notification. She got a variation of the same message every few months. Every Christmas, every birthday.

Happy Thanksgiving Clarke. I miss you. I love you. Mom.

She frowned when she scrolled up in the conversation and noticed that with this particular text her estranged mother hadn't thrown in her usual "come home". In the earlier years her mother had called, and sometimes Clarke would answer. The conversation would have undoubtedly ended in a screaming match and hours after the phones had been hung up, any anger she'd felt would turn to guilt. And so she'd stopped answering and Abby Griffin had stopped calling, and that was for the best. At least that's what Clarke told herself.

She sighed shakily as she swiped against the angry tears that came around every time she thought about her mother. She braced herself against the familiar ache that pulsed within her chest. Most days she could numb it, but the happiness she'd felt back inside the Ark was just an ugly reminder of the past. She'd been stupid to come today — at least when she was alone she could forget about this stupid holiday, forget about family.

Clarke was so deep in her thoughts that she almost didn't notice when a familiar presence sat down on the concrete next to her. "You doing all right?"

She exhaled heavily and shook her head, "I just hate the holidays Bellamy, that's all." There was a bite to her tone as she mimicked his earlier words and she knew it. But she didn't want to have this conversation. Not now.

Clarke could feel the weight of his gaze on her before he started gently, "You don't have to do that, you know? Pretend like everything's fine when it's not."

She bit her lip and blinked down at the ground, furiously fighting back all the shit that was threatening to float to the surface. "Why shouldn't I?" she snapped more aggressively than she'd meant to. She looked at his stoic face that was still studying her, "You certainly are."

"Well we've all got our baggage don't we." She couldn't help but feel as if he was referencing something she didn't quite understand.

Silence fell between them, uncomfortably so until he broke it. "I never knew my dad, in fact I'm pretty sure he bolted the second my mom told him she was pregnant. Octavia's father wasn't any better." There was a resigned bitterness to his voice and when Clarke didn't say anything he continued.

"My mom worked her ass off for us Clarke, God sometimes I still wonder how she did it. She gave us every single thing that she could, until she couldn't. Until what seemed like a single minuscule lump turned into spending every waking hour at the hospital."

His words cut off and she suspected he had to force himself to go on. She remember his words from just last week. Sharing wasn't easy for him, it wasn't easy for her either. She felt guilty for making him feel like he had to put this out there.

"Bellamy —,"

"After that I was used to it just being me and O, you know? In a way it'd always been like that our whole lives. I was used to it, but this. I don't know how to slip into this role. I don't know how to be someone who can just sit there and pretend like I don't remember the days when it was just the three of us."

"Maybe you don't have to pretend," she said. Grateful to be distracted from her own problems. Grateful that maybe someone else was feeling the same. "Bellamy I saw you in there with O, Lincoln, and with everyone. You don't have to hate yourself for being happy. You don't have to feel guilty about being relieved that you're not alone anymore. It's ok to miss your mom, but it's ok to be happy. You deserve to be happy."

He nodded slowly before looking at her, "And what about you?"

She sighed. Yes, what about her? "I used to have that, everything in there," she started tentatively, not yet entirely sure how to find the right words for whatever she was feeling. "We used to do the whole big family gathering thing, the Jaha/Griffin annual Thanksgiving party."

She paused before finding it in herself to continue, "My mom had a penchant for party planning, but on Thanksgiving she toned it down. She sent the cook home along with the rest of the staff and for one day it was just us. We'd spend the day in the kitchen, my mom trying her best to help before my dad finally sent her to the living room to join Well's mom with a glass of wine. Him and Thelonious, Well's dad, would laugh over the grill while Wells and I did our best not to burn anything."

"It was simple, it was easy, just like this. So being in that room, seeing everyone so carefree and happy, I get it. It just makes me think about everything I used to have back before everything changed."

"Before your dad."

Clarke ran a frustrated hand across her forehead before settling it on her knee and gripping the fabric of the leggings he'd chosen.

"I've never told anyone this before," she whispered before looking at him.

"Clarke, you don't have to."

She shook her head, not completely sure whether or not she was trying to convince him or herself. "No, I want to."

She took a deep breath before letting it all out. "My dad and Well's dad essentially ran Alpha Station Developments together. They bought and sold pieces of land all over the States, developing them into residential neighbourhoods, business centres, you name it."

"Alpha Station… they were a Fortune 500 weren't they? Didn't that company get dissolved years ago?"

Clarke nodded gravely, "Thelonius worked primarily on government contracts while my dad was responsible for communications between the environmental sector. He loved sustainability, and the reason ASD was so successful was because of it's commitment to facilitating the protection of conservation areas. That was until my dad found out that mission was all complete bullshit and the government was working with insiders within the company to move into development on lands that should have been protected by law."

"As soon as he found out he told my mom — he couldn't go to the government of course, they were in on it, and so he went to the press."

She was surprised at how easily all this was coming back to her. "It was a media nightmare for the company and they did everything in their power to shut it down. They accused him of insider espionage, accused him of making everything up and took him to court. They made him look like a fool, like a crazy person - and they covered all their tracks with a dead body. They pinned the murder of one of the higher ups involved in the project on my dad."

"That's why your dad was sent to prison wasn't it?"

She nodded curtly, "He lost his job, not that he cared about that anymore, and they sent him away where he couldn't cause any more problems."

"But then what —,"

"What happened to my mom? She testified against him in court. I never found out why, I always suspected that they somehow had her on their side… made her believe that my dad was responsible. My mom she's, or at least she was," Clarke sighed, the exhaustion of having this conversation finally hitting her, "She always believed in justice, in doing what was right. If she truly thought that my father had killed someone she would have thought he deserved to do the time. Even I can't blame her for that."

"It's messed up, but it's fair I guess."

Clarke steeled her voice, "It would have been. Had she not found out three weeks after a trial that the whole thing had been a scam. I was fourteen years old and she let me believe that my father was guilty. She let me believe it Bellamy. It wasn't until Wells finally stopped protecting her when I was eighteen that I found out my father had been innocent, that he'd been doing the right thing. That an innocent man had been beaten to death in prison."

"Clarke —,"

She didn't know when her eyes had started welling up and burning with tears. Or when that familiar ache in her throat started suffocating her from within.

"My mom didn't lie on the stand, I don't believe that. But, my mother always believed in justice above all else. I think — I think she believed the lies she was being told, and I believe she thought she was doing the right thing and when she found out after the trial that it had all been a set up. She thought she was protecting me. She was protecting me by keeping things from me. Or something like that, I don't know anymore. I don't want to know anymore. I just know I've never been able to forgive her, and I think a part of me hates myself for that more than I hated her."

She sighed and looked at her hands. Bellamy was silent as the grave and in her periphery she could see his fists which were clenched at his sides. Clarke broke the silence between them, "Back in college I was always jealous of Octavia, you know? And you — to an extent."

Out of the corner of her eye she could see he was taken aback. "Why?"

Clarke shrugged in embarrassment, "You were a family. Even when she was pissed off at you, the two of you always found a way to make it work."

He studied her closely, "Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy."

She raised a brow and he obliged her unanswered question, "Heraclitus — ancient Greek philosopher."

Clarke shoved him half heartedly, "Show off."

He smirked. "You have nothing to envy, you know? She's as much your family as mine."

She smiled softly because she knew that now. Bellamy shifted closer to her, close enough that she could feel the heat radiating off his body — she felt like ice in comparison. She shivered, but not from the cold as he gently placed his hand atop her own. She watched as he frowned before bringing his other hand to envelope it. Silently he began rubbing his hands over hers, the friction generating heat with each stroke.

"Your hands are freezing," he muttered. Clarke laughed weakly, but the tightness in her throat had it coming out as more like a sob or a choke.

"Blame my shitty circulation."

When he grew frustrated he brought the pair of their hands up to his lips and breathed on them, the hot air tickled her skin and she felt her stomach twist. After a few more silent moments he must have felt satisfied or maybe self conscious — not entirely sure whether or not he'd crossed a line as he returned her hands to her lap. Clarke wasn't sure she wanted lines to exist anymore.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he whispered before continuing, "Do you —," it looked like the words were almost painful for him to say. "Do you regret coming today? I can take you home, if that's what you need. We don't have to stay here"

She shook her head, "No that's the thing, I want to be here. I want to remember what it's like. I want to feel it again, I want to feel —,"

"Like you have a family," he finished for her. She choked back a strangled sob that was threatening to escape. She felt a tear or two slide down her cheek. Clarke was annoyed with herself when she realized that this was not the first time she'd broken down in front of Bellamy Blake. Even in the time she'd known Octavia, Clarke was used to being the pinnacle of composure and yet here she was, sitting on the concrete side walk crying before her best friend's brother.

"You do Clarke." His thumb had reached up to wipe away the tear she'd just shed. "Maybe we choose our family. And maybe family is no more than the people who stick around no matter how hard we try to shake them off. And it looks to me like you've already got all that Princess." She twisted her lips into a weak smile, but a part of her believed him. Clarke let herself rest her head against his shoulder the way she had nights and nights ago on their neighbours couch with sleeping children a few steps away.

She wasn't sure how much time passed before he broke the silence between them. "You ready to go back? By my count it looks like we've still got," he twisted his wrist to get a look at his watch, "2 hours left of this. Might as well make the most of it."

She straightened herself and gave him a small teasing grin, "Whatever happened to our plan of mutual disdain."

He smirked at her, "Something tells me you and I could do without the angst for a bit."

"I can't argue with that."

At that moment they were interrupted as Murphy joined them outside. His gaze immediately dropped to the ground where they were sitting and his mouth quirked up into it's characteristic smirk.

"Now isn't this precious."

She couldn't make out what Bellamy muttered under his breath as he stood up, patting her knee gently as he did so. It was a casual touch and yet she liked to think that somehow he knew it was a small comfort to her. She took his outstretched hand and he pulled her up — she tried to ignore the fact that she was disappointed when he let it go.

He walked into the Ark leaving Clarke outside with Murphy who was leering at her with a teasing grin.

"Oh shut up," Clarke muttered.

"I didn't say anything!"

She shot him a look, "You were thinking. Loudly."

"See this a new one, can't say my internal dialogue has ever offended anyone before Griffin."

"Oh I'm sure it has. So what's your verdict? You glad you came to this?"

He twirled his fingers around what looked to be an unlit joint, "I'd consider myself thoroughly entertained. It almost beats getting drunk by myself." He lit and exhaled a puff of what was undoubtedly weed into Clarke's immediate vicinity. She swatted at the air, "Jesus Murphy!"

"It's John actually."

Clarke shot him a deadpanned stare, "Not your best." She turned on her heel to go back into the Ark when his hand reached for her arm.

"Wait. I've got something for you."

She knit her brows in trepidation, "What is it? I wouldn't have pegged you for the gift giving type?"

"Why Griffin I am offended. Selflessness, generosity, kindness — those are the ABCs of me."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Replace those with sarcasm, corruption, and narcissism and I'll believe it."

"Touché. Now hold out your hand." She did as he asked and flexed it expectantly. She frowned and looked up at him when a set of keys dropped into her hand.

"What's this?"

"Keys Griffin, kids these days say they're the next big thing." When she didn't give his sarcasm the reaction he'd been expecting he continued more seriously than before. "I got them from a friend. The apartment's for sale, one bedroom, cheap. It's yours if you want it."

She stared at the key in her hand intently, like accepting it would be answering a question she hadn't even known was being asked.

"Unless you'd rather keep shacking up with your best friend's brother that is."

Clarke frowned and put the key in her purse. She'd deal with that later.

"I'll consider it."

He smirked smugly, "So when are you going to tell Blake that he might have to find himself a new roommate again." Clarke paused. She hadn't even consider how Bellamy would read into her decision to check out a new apartment. Would he even care? A part of her believed that he would, but still, no matter where she lived it wouldn't change the friendship they'd been building for the past few months. Would it?

"Later. This stays between us you got that?"

"Seems to be a lot of that going around lately. Yeah I got that Griffin. I'll drive us there on Tuesday?"

She nodded curtly and moved to go.

"Hey Clarke," she turned to face him and he was looking at her with an unnerving expression. One that almost looked like pity. He wrapped her up in a short and albeit slightly awkward hug before promptly releasing her. "Happy Thanksgiving. Go take a break. You deserve it."

She smiled at him cautiously, "Thanks Murphy. You know that was almost human of you."

"You're imagining things."

"Oh I don't think I am. Don't get hit by a car while you're out here."

"Careful Griffin, another comment like that and I might start to think you actually care about little ole me."

She rolled her eyes, "You're imagining things." And with that she walked back into the Ark, leaving him and his weed outside alone. Something told her that maybe that's where he was happiest. Or maybe John Murphy was just as good at pretending as the rest of them.

When she walked back into the Ark the scene had changed. Someone had pushed the cleared tables to the side and folded them back up against the wall. The floor of the Ark was open again like it would be on any other night. Music was blasting from the speakers and people were dancing without reservation.

"Clarke!"

She set her purse down and hurried over to where O was twirling around this way and that in the company of Harper, Monroe, Lincoln, and Miller.

"Where's Bellamy?" Octavia cocked her head to where he and Bryan were leaning against the bar, watching the scene before them with amusement.

"Oh no he doesn't." she said. Miller laughed as he grabbed Clarke's wrist and begin dancing with her the way they had a week prior, "Good luck trying to get the two of them out here. They're as stubborn as mules. Worse."

Clarke frowned and tugged Miller through the crowd, "Eh jesus Clarke, warning next time!"

They made their way to the bar where Bryan and Bellamy were laughing obliviously. Clarke snatched the beer from Bellamy's hand and his eyes widened in shock. Miller snorted, "Nice to see we're not going with the subtle approach."

Bryan groaned when Miller stretched out his hands, "Do I have to?"

"It's Thanksgiving. You should be thankful you're even capable of dancing."

Bryan rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to relinquish his hand to Miller. "You're a dick you know that," and the two of them left to join the rest of their friends. Clarke looked over at them fondly. Stubborn as a mule, her ass. She returned her gaze to Bellamy who had his arms crossed before his chest.

"I was drinking that," he nodded towards the beer. She had to lean across him to set the drink down on the bar behind him.

"You'll survive. Now come on."

He looked at her like he was entertained with her attempt, "Nice try Princess, but I'm good right here."

"You are most definitely not. Come on Bellamy, please." She flashed him a pleading look. He stared back at her with an expression she couldn't place before he laughed.

"No way, that is not working on me."

She huffed in exasperation and poked his chest, "You promised."

"And what exactly did I promise?"

"To make the most of it!" The boy had some serious recall issues.

Bellamy narrowed his eyes skeptically, "Submitting myself to your two left feet isn't exactly my idea of making the most of it."

"Yes well you failed to specify that so come on."

He sighed as he looked at her, "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

She smiled as she shook her head while he groaned. This time she was the one to take his hand and drag them out.

Harper and Miller teased him incessantly as Clarke turned to dance with Octavia, but eventually the group of them were all twirling around like idiots. Younger kids from Lincoln's side of the family weaved in and out between their legs and Clarke could even make out Roan out from the corner of her eye carrying a little girl around the party on piggyback. Even Bellamy, despite his reluctance which she was sure had been just a front, was enjoying himself. Even though…

Clarke snickered above the music, "Oh my god."

"What?" They'd gotten closer now so she didn't have to yell.

"You're literally worse than I am."

His eyes sparkled as he had to lean down to look at her, "Not possible."

"Oh I think it is."

"Is that so?"

She was breathless as he lifted her by the waist with one arm and spun her around. She had to clutch his forearm as her feet left the ground and she shrieked while he laughed in her ear. For a moment she felt like a kid again in the sense that she felt weightless in the way that only a child can truly be. When he set her down she opened her eyes and looked at him, the person who somewhere over the course of the past few months had managed to make her feel this way. His face was open and bright, free of any inhibitions and for a split second she thought if she could spend the rest of her life frozen in this moment that she would never tire of being looked at by Bellamy Blake.

Before either of them had noticed, the music had change to something softer and slower. He didn't need to ask, it was unspoken at this point, before he pulled Clarke closer. She trailed her arms up so that one was wrapped across his back while the other rested on his shoulder — his hands settled comfortably and firmly around her waist.

Maps stretched out —

too many miles to count.

Let's just say we're inches apart,

even closer at heart,

and we'll be just fine.

They swayed easily in time with the music, it's gentle rhythm giving Clarke the illusion that the rest of the party had faded away. She let herself give into it and rested her chin on Bellamy's shoulder not unlike the way she had a week ago and closed her eyes. It was easier to pretend this way — that it was just them. Over the course of her life Clarke had found that when it came to things she wanted to remember, images faded infinitely faster than feelings, and this was something she wanted, needed, to feel.

It was barely above a whisper, but after a while she heard and felt his deep voice tickle her ear, "What are you thinking about?"

Another pin pushed in,

to remind us where we've been.

And every mile adds up,

and leaves it's mark on us

She craned her neck slightly and twisted it around to peer at the scene surrounding them. Closest to the centre of the group she could see Lincoln and Octavia. Despite their difference in height and build Clarke wasn't sure if she'd ever seen two people fit together more perfectly. Her best friend was smiling as Lincoln bent his head down and whispered god knows what into her ear. There was something so intimate about it, so full of unabashed love, that Clarke pulled her gaze away. What she failed to think about was the fact that if someone had deigned to look at her and Bellamy in that moment, they would have seen the exact same thing.

One of his hands had started rubbing comforting circles at the small of her back and a part of her wasn't sure the movement was even conscious on his part. Clarke thought there was no way he wouldn't be able to register the shiver that ran up and down her spine with every touch. She pulled her head back ever so slightly so that she could look at him. Images faded faster that feelings yes, but his face was one she planned to commit to memory. And she wanted it remembered just like this, unguarded, honest, and maybe slightly scared as he waited for her response.

"Did you ever imagine us getting here?"

He breathed out and looked down at the ground before looking back at her, "I think the answer to that is obviously no."

And sometimes our compass breaks,

and our steady true north fades.

We'll be just fine.

"Do you ever think…," she paused, trying to find the words.

"What?" There was a wrinkle between his brow and she could tell she was making him nervous.

"Do you ever think that maybe if you and I had bothered to have an honest conversation instead of just hating each other we would have ended up differently."

Bellamy looked at her fixedly without saying a word and Clarke almost couldn't bear the intensity of his gaze so she shifted her eyes to focus on the bracelet on her wrist.

We'll be just fine.

We'll be just fine.

We'll be just fine.

I know that we will.

I just know we will.

"I think," he started softly, "I think that you and I are past the point where we can blame ourselves for what we thought or did in the past."

She nodded and opened her mouth to respond, but he wasn't done. She saw Bellamy avert his gaze and shake his head, whether he was frustrated with her or himself she couldn't tell.

Time moves slow

When half of your heart has yet to come home.

Every minute's adding up,

and leaving a mark on us.

"I don't want to remember a time where I hated you Clarke." She wasn't sure how he did it — how her one syllable name managed to sound like so much more when coming out of his mouth. "Not when I don't think I ever really did." He was looking at her now, more desperately than before with an expression she was afraid to name. "I don't want to remember a time where I didn't want to know you, not when I — "

Her breath caught in her throat and for a moment neither of them said anything. She thought that if he looked at her like that for much longer she was going to do something she would probably regret.

"Not when now you do know me."

He swallowed and looked away.

I can't get you out of my mind.

I can't get you out of my mind.

I can't get you out of my mind.

And I solemnly swear,

I swear that I'll never try.

Her mind raced over everything they'd been through since they'd moved in together. All the arguments, and all the peaceful moments that came with them. The way he hadn't hesitated to defend her in front of Finn, the way he never seemed to hesitate to be there when she needed him. It had unnerved her before, the way he seemed to understand the inner workings of her mind, but now she felt differently about it. Now it made her feel safe.

"You do know me, Bellamy," she said it confidently. At this point she wasn't sure whether she was saying it for him or for herself. It seemed silly to have to state something that had become so obvious. To her, and apparently, to everyone else. "You're the only person I've ever trusted enough to spill the mess that is my life onto, ok?"

He frowned, "But what about Murphy?"

She shook her head, "I told him half truths, that's all. You're… you're the only one that knows how screwed up everything really is."

"You are not screwed up," he was looking at her intensely now and Clarke could feel her composure starting to waver. Everything about this was too much, she was feeling too much, and she didn't know how to compartmentalize any of it. But maybe it was time she stopped doing that, maybe it was time she stopped being afraid of not having everything together.

She lowered her voice, "It's been a long time since I've had someone I could lean on. Someone I've needed. I… I'm not sure I know how to do… this." She couldn't remember the last time she'd been vulnerable like this, maybe she never had been.

And at that he chuckled softly and pulled her closer. She wrapped both arms around his neck, needing him to know she cared, needing him to know that he was important to her in ways she was only just beginning to understand.

"What's so funny?"

"Despite what you may believe, you don't need to know how to do everything Clarke."

"Yes well it doesn't hurt," she muttered testily into his neck which motivated him to release another soft chuckle.

"We'll figure it out," he whispered soothingly, and after a beat, "Together."

She knew they were wrapped around each other so tightly that what they were doing could barely even qualify was dancing anymore. She could only imagine how the two of them looked to everyone else, two people standing still and hugging each other with everything they had. The music was reaching a lull and she knew that in a few seconds the song would come to an end, but that didn't matter. She would hold on for as long as she could. She had no idea what was happening between them, nor did she know what would happen next, but for the first time in her life she was ok with that.

We'll be just fine.

We'll be just fine.

It's a matter of time,

'til our compass stands still.

'Til our compass stands still.

That night they walked together in comfortable silence - that post turkey delirious haze had settled between them. Clarke walked with lighter steps and easier smiles as she thought about how differently her day had ended versus where it had began. And when Bellamy opened the door to their apartment she experienced an overwhelming sense of relief, the kind she hadn't necessarily realized she'd been missing - the kind one only feels when they finally make it home.

A/N (part 2) : Good God, this chapter. I must have rewritten it two times and I'm sill not sure how I feel about the way it came out. I had a few key moments I definitely wanted to pack into this one and I hope I did them justice. Jealous Bellamy was fun to write, bless his heart. There were a few characters I definitely wanted to utilize a bit more in this chapter, but there was already so much going on with the Bellamy and Clarke of it all some things had to be sacrificed. (Which is a gosh darn shame because all I want is fanfic of Roan calling out Bellamy and Clarke… please let 3x15 give us that). BUT I can say I do plan on incorporating them again later on.

This chapter felt far more emotionally loaded than some of the ones leading up to it and I think it almost ended up unintentionally reflecting the tone of Bellarke on the show right now. I think their relationship (both in this story and in canon) is at a turning point and I definitely think Bellamy's feelings have been realized even though they remain unspoken. Anyways I still tried to keep things as light as a could even amongst all the angst. Don't worry though, I'll try not to make things overly intense from here on out, although Bellarke wouldn't be Bellarke without a bit of angst.

I'm going to do my best not to slack off with this, but I feel the need to disclaimer that I am starting a new job within the next week so the real world is going to be kicking my ass for the next little bit. Also on another irrelevant side note I've started another story on here called As The Romans Do! I feel weird doing some shameless self promoing, but it's another modern day AU (set in Italy this time around) that I am quite excited about, so if it sounds like something you may be interested in I'd obviously love it if you gave it a read :) (Although let's be real I really shouldn't be starting anything new, not when I've already been working on this for over a year so that story will probably be on the back burner until this is all wrapped up)

ANYWAYS this is already obnoxiously long, but as always I really want to thank everyone who follows along with this story. It's gotten far more attention than I ever expected. I really hate how shit I am at replying to reviews, but I do read them all and not to be cheesy and annoying, but they seriously all make me so happy and keep me motivated to continue so thank you :) I hope you enjoyed the update!