Summary: Jaune has never gotten "the talk". After drawing lots, Weiss is the lucky individual who has to try and explain it to him.

The Talk

RWBY

"So…"

Jaune twiddled his thumbs, awaiting an explanation that would change his entire life.

"… Yeah."

Weiss seated across from him. Her arms were crossed. A strong brew of coffee, black with no sugar or milk, steamed in front of her. It was untouched. Her fingers twitched toward it, wondering if she needed a shot of liquid energy before to muster the courage or after to shock the nerves into tranquility.

"Um… so… are you going to tell me?" Jaune leaned closer. The rest of his team was outside the room, along with the rest of Weiss' team. None had the courage to actually finish the whole explanation - except Nora who had insisted on using Pyrrha action figures and a convenient Jaune plushie found underneath Pyrrha's bed to assist in her presentation.

The Jaune plushie was a little… worse for wear, but that's another story.

"I'm waiting."

"For?"

Weiss sighed. She looked out the window.

"So here's the deal…"

Jaune leaned forward. His eyes widening in anticipation.

"You had a question-"

"Where do babies come from?"

Weiss flinched. "Yes. That."

"So…?"

With a deep breath and a full shot of coffee burning down her throat, Weiss felt ready. She released the breath and felt like the stress melted through her lips. The bitter taste still lingered on her tongue.

"You've gotta stick it right in the pussy."

"Uh? Excuse me?"

Weiss leaned forward. The caffeine kicked into overdrive. The energy was boundless as the veins in her eyes reddened.

"Stick. It. Right. In. The. Pussy."

"My sword? Into a cat? Wait. Is 'it' even a sword?"

Weiss tilted her head.

"No, you idiot! You use your dragon."

"Where the hell am I supposed to get a dragon?"

"Wait… what?"

"I don't have a dragon… but I have a sword! Can I be your knight, Weiss?"

Weiss' eyes widened. Her euphemism for the male anatomy was not shared by the Arc scion. Her lips quivered as she began bumbling for an explanation.

"Long," Weiss finally muttered.

"Long?"

"It's long and brown and… sometimes hairy…"

"You mean the brown thing that holds toilet paper? Like… that thing you use to make telescopes?"

Weiss' mouth gaped open.

"No you idiot! You use your dick."

"Hey! I don't own slaves! And if I did, I'd probably give them a better name than Dick. Like Tom or Harry… or maybe John Bradshaw. Yeah."

"… Do you know what sex is?"

"I'm male."

"That explains it."

"What? What about males and females? Wait… when I wrote my application for here… was I suppose to circle F? Was that it? Am I really a female, Weiss? Weiss?! Tell me!"

"You're an idiot with a capital 'I'," Weiss sighed.

"There wasn't an 'I' on the test, Weiss! There wasn't an 'I'!"

"Look… Jaune…" Weiss said exasperatedly. "Just find a nice girl and stick it to her right the pussy. Do what your heart tells you is right."

"So I need to find a girl I like and stick it in her pussy?"

"Exactly," Weiss confirmed. Her voice was exhausted, coming out in almost like a whimper.

"Oh," Jaune blinked. "Then can I ask you a question?"

"What now?"

"It's a serious one!"

"… Fine. What is it?"

Jaune leaned in and looked at her seriously.

"Do you have a pussy?"

The rest of Team RWBY and JNPR fumbled away from the door as Weiss stormed out. Yang was snickering uncontrollably in the corner. With a resigned sigh, Weiss handed her twenty lien for the failed bet.

Later that night, Blake was found dead with multiple stab wounds.

The Talk Fin

Editor's Notes: I sometimes question why I'm here.