Chapter 1: Guilt

Hiro's eyes shot open as a wave of nausea towered inside him. He dashed to the bathroom, hand over his mouth, barely making his head into the toilet before bile scraped its way out of his mouth. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, but Hiro finally pushed himself up on shaky legs, tiptoeing to Tadashi's room. He sighed in relief when he saw his brother completely still, snoring slightly. Holding his stomach, the 13 year old wandered back to his bedroom.
Tadashi had a massive essay he had to write that night. He was sure that his brother had barely finished it and had just recently gone to bed. 6 hours at school and 4 hours each working at the restaurant and the grocery store wasn't exactly a simple schedule for a 20 year old to uphold, as well as trying to take care of his little brother by himself – which means making sure he had his homework done, ate dinner, and that no one punched him in the face that day.
To be completely honest, Tadashi wasn't exactly in a chipper mood for the last couple of months. Hiro didn't know what triggered Tadashi's little snaps at him and his friends. So he always tried his best to be a perfect little brother. He couldn't be a burden.

Waking up feeling even worse than he did in the middle of last night was certainly not what Hiro was hoping for.
His head roared with pain; his blood felt thick and slow, and his hands were trembling. His only comfort was the sound of the shower running – Tadashi was awake. Taking a deep breath, Hiro slowly changed out of his pajamas and meandered into the kitchen. By the time he got down, Tadashi had already finished his shower and was sitting on the counter, drowsily slurping coffee with one hand and writing notes from a textbook with the other.
"Hey, bud," Tadashi said, his voice groggy and a little irritated. Hiro tried not to topple over his own feet while opening one of the cabinets.
"Oh, Hiro, I forgot to tell you yesterday. I'm gonna be home late tonight. You're gonna have to take the bus home. I need to work overtime this week cause of that presentation I'm doing next Thursday." Tadashi didn't look up from his book.
"Oh… okay. W-what time are you gonna be home, you think?" Hiro shoved his hands behind his back, hoping it would stop the trembling. Why was it so cold in here?
"Like, after midnight. You'll be in bed, so just make sure you lock the door, okay?"
"So… I c-can't see you at all today?" Hiro said slightly above a whisper. He didn't feel good at all. He wanted Tadashi to come home early and make him dinner and play movies with him and make him brush his teeth for at least two minutes, and wear extra socks… and give him a hug goodnight. He missed seeing his brother all the time before he got his second job.
"Hiro, can you give me a break? I don't want to do this either, but you know how we're doing… I need to work. Do you even appreciate me? I have to pay for your school, and mine, and the house…" Tadashi trailed off, agitation obviously beginning to hint in his voice, with a touch of frustration.
"S-sorry…"
"Whatever."
Hiro's lip trembled. He hid behind the open cabinet door. He jumped slightly at the sound of a book slamming closed.
"Obviously you think your life would be just fine without me Hiro, so I'm going to the lab early. Take the bus."
Hiro's eyes widened. Tadashi always offered to drive or walk him to school… He saw Tadashi out of the corner of his eye slamming books into his bag. The older brother's eyes were smudged with dark circles. Hiro pulled his sweatshirt sleeves more down his arms. It was so cold in here…
Hiro went to grab a bowl from the cabinet, his trembling hands unable to stop the moment when it slammed into the ground, shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces all around Hiro. He jumped up onto the counter instinctively, sliding more towards the living room. Tadashi jumped and turned around.
"What the hell, Hiro? Are you freaking kidding me? I can't believe this," the sleep deprived Tadashi slammed his fist into the wall, yelling obscenities and throwing his bag down.
"Great, now I'm late to school after I clean this up, which means I'm late to work which means my boss will be pissed which means I'm gonna lose my job because of you, Hiro." Hiro froze completely, his mind still not fully straight from feeling so achy. Feeling sicker and more delirious than ever, tears welled up in Hiro's eyes, and after a couple of seconds, he busted into full out sobbing.
Tadashi froze, snapping out of his exhausted phase; his eyes shot concerningly to his little brother. Instincts kicking in, he ran to his brother, his boots protecting him from the glass on the ground as he wrapped Hiro in his arms. Hiro hadn't cried like this in such a long time…
"Hey, hey, hey, Hiro. Sshhhh… come here buddy, it's okay… Shhh.. calm down. I'm sorry, Hiro – I'm so stressed, I don't mean to take it out on you…"
"D-Dashi…" Hiro squeaked, clinging onto Tadashi's jacket like a lifeline.
"It's okay.. I'm here… Shhhh…"
"Dashi… I don't feel good."
Tadashi paused slightly and drew back, just now realizing Hiro's trembles. He rested a hand on his forehead while he stroked his hair.
"Hiro, you're really hot. Did you start feeling this way this morning?" Tadashi said gently. His anxiety grew when Hiro shook his head.
"Last night I t-threw up…"
"What? When?"
"Y-you were as-sleep and I didn't wanna b-bother you…" Tadashi sighed sadly, taking Hiro in his arms again.
"Hey, Hiro, listen to me. Shhh.. calm down and listen." Tadashi whispered, his hand still in Hiro's hair. Hiro's sobs quieted to sniffles as he snuggled closer to Tadashi's chest.
"Hiro, you are not a burden to me, okay? You're the exact opposite."
Hiro coughed, triggering the throbbing in his head, ringing to his ears. Tadashi must've said something to him – he didn't hear it but he felt his vocal chords when vibrating against him.
"My head hurss.." Hiro slurred, looking up at Tadashi's whose eyes were now full of concern. He was able to tune in to what his brother was trying to say.
"Okay, it's okay. Let's take you upstairs." Tadashi eyed Hiro's socks and scooped him up, wiping the tears he caused from his little brother's eyes.
Tadashi plopped Hiro into his bed, wrapping the covers around him, which Hiro instinctively curled into. Tadashi leaned down to his level.
"I'm gonna call the school and my jobs and tell them I'm taking the day off," Tadashi said softly, wincing when Hiro's eyes widened.
"No, Tadashi, you need to go. I'll be fine…" Hiro croaked.
Tadashi almost considered it, then immediately reminded himself no when he took a second look at Hiro. His eyes were glazed over, his cheeks slightly pink, trembling under the blankets.
"No… don't worry about that, buddy," Tadashi whispered, placing his hand on one of Hiro's leg covered in blankets.
"We'll be okay, it's just one day."
"B-but what about your presentation?"
"I'll handle it. Worry about you, okay?"
"Please," Hiro whispered. Tadashi's stomach dropped when he heard his brother's voice break. "I don't want you to struggle because of me." Hiro didn't notice the tears beginning to drop down his cheeks until Tadashi began wiping them away with his thumb. Tadashi paused for a moment.
"Hiro… just… go to sleep, okay bud? You're not feeling too good." Hiro nodded slightly deliriously, leaning into Tadashi's shoulder, his head pounding again.
"You're not a burden, Hiro. You never were and you never will be. You're all I have left… You're my sunshine."
Hiro heard the sound of Tadashi's whispers and felt his hand rubbing his back, and drifted into the quiet peace of sleep.
Tadashi sighed when he noticed Hiro's breathing even out.
I'm not the brother I want to be.