Trigger warning: self-harm, drugs, and alcohol

I have no idea when everything became so numb. Soon, I looked forward to the injuries that ghost fighting brought everyday. I stopped going to Sam to get patched up, letting the wounds sting just a little longer, with the excuse that it wasn't bad enough for me not to be able to do it. Sam reluctantly let it go when I refused to talk about it anymore. Just so I could feel something.

Soon, it was all too much. The ghost fights, the bullying, school, home...it was too much for me to handle anymore. I had to find a stress relief somewhere. So...I turned to a habit that probably wasn't the best.

Cutting.

Yes, before you say it, I know I'm an idiot.

I shouldn't want to hurt myself after all the pain I go through everyday, but I'm not looking for the pain. I'm looking for the tranquility that comes with the pain. It clears my head for long enough to forget the responsibilities that weigh me down.

All that weight is taken off my shoulders and I feel free. Those are the times that I go flying. My head feels less cloudy and everything is sharp. Nothing usually bothers me.

Tucker and Sam started getting too busy with their junior year schedules to hang out with me much, so I usually just spent time alone. They don't even notice whenever I go to the bathroom without my ghost sense going off. Tucker just nods and takes out an extra piece of paper to take notes for me. Sometimes I feel bad, but he's a good friend.

That's why I'm not telling them about my newfound addiction. I can control this. I won't get too far gone. I can't stop whenever I want!

I just don't want to.

...

I woke up to the sun shining in my face. I groaned slightly before getting up. I checked the bandages on my wrist to find them dark brown with dried blood. I nodded to myself as I took out my bandages I kept in my underwear drawer, the only drawer my mother doesn't check. What she doesn't know, won't kill her.

I ran the shower, getting it to the temperature I liked, and took off my ruined bandages. The angry red lines stood out on my pale skin. I didn't waste time to look at them, I just disposed of the bandages and stripped down out of the rest of my clothes. I stepped into the shower, flinching when the water touched my cuts. That was the only part I really dislike, the pain of water washing out the probably slightly infected cuts.

I washed my hair quickly, hissing when some soap got into the lower sitting ones, and rinsed. After I was done, I slung a towel over my hips, opened the door and crossed my arms (just in case Jazz was lurking around the corner). Thankfully, the hallway was empty and I was able to make it to my bedroom, where my mom was lurking around the corner.

"GAH!" I screeched, clasping my arms tighter together. "Mom!"

"Sorry sweetie! Just bringing up your laundry. Which needs to be put away when you get home from school." Mom smiled before patting my damp shoulders with her hands and closing the door behind her.

I let out a sigh of relief before dropping the towel and grabbing a pair of black boxer briefs from the drawer, pulling them on, and rewrapping my wrists. After they were sufficiently wrapped, I went to my closet and pulled out my red and black striped long sleeved shirt and my dark wash blue skinny jeans, and pulled them on, careful of my arms.

I towel dried my ebony hair and let it fall over my face. My bangs were longer than they were when I was 14, and I liked them better. I could hide behind them easier.

I stepped into my red converse, tying them up, and flinging my purple backpack over my shoulders. I walked down the stairs carefully, my hand sliding over the railing. "You want pancakes, honey?" My mom asked. My sister looked over her book, scowling at the slightly glowing pancakes. "I'll pass mom. I'm just going to head to school." I smiled, before rushing out into the cool fall evening. I don't know what I was going to do when it wouldn't be socially acceptable to wear long sleeves. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I set a brisk walk to Tucker's house to walk with him to school. I can't wait till me, Sam, or Tucker gets our licenses, but my 16th birthday isn't for 1 month from now..and I'm the oldest. Tucker was chilling on his steps, playing on his PDA. My best friend has grown a lot in the past almost 2 years. He's 6"4' and still wears his thick nerd glasses, yellow long sleeved shirt, and brown cargo pants with brown boots. The only difference is his height.

I shoved his elbow off the ledge, making him fall slightly before he turned and glared. "Not cool dude!" He scowled.

I laughed. "Well...I thought it was funny!"

"Whatever." Tucker shrugged, looking guilty.

"What's that look?" I asked. "Well...Sam and I are studying tonight and aren't going to be able go on patrol or the movies." Tucker said, playing with his hands.

My face fell. There goes my Friday night. "It's fine. I know you guys have really hard classes..." I said, lying slightly. I rubbed at my arms as I felt the need to cut. "Dude I'm so sorry. I really want to hang out with you...Saturday. I promise. Just you and me. We'll play Doom and talk." Tucker promised.

That was the third time that he has promised that to me.

"Okay, Tuck. But don't worry about it. I could catch up on sleep." I lied. Tucker smiled brightly. "Thank god! I was afraid I was gonna lose ya buddy!"

I smile fakely back before shifting my attention to Sam as we approached her house. She was taking a bite of her apple and staring at it intently. She was wearing a dark green long sleeve shirt and black leggings with purple high top converse. Her hair was down to her waist and her new bangs were covering her right eye. Her purple eyes darted over to us and grinned widely, guilt in her eyes.

"Hey guys!" Sam greeted. Tucker smiled. "I told him, he's cool with it."

"Thank god. I'm so sorry Danny! We'll make it up to you." Sam grinned before falling in step with us.

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. Sam hadn't grown as much as me and Tuck had. While we are around 6 feet tall, she stayed lower to the ground, like her mother. She was a shortish 5"5'.

We made it to school and immediately parted ways. Tucker and Sam went to AP Pre Calculus and I went to gym. I usually stuck around the back, near Frank Smith's crew. I was about 20 minutes into gym class when he approached me.

"Hey Fenton. I was wondering if you wanted to go to my party tonight? I noticed Sam and Tucker ditching you lately and thought I'd offer you a fun Friday night." Frank smirked. I smiled, considering the offer.

"Why not!" I replied, knowing what to expect from the 5"6' brown haired and brown eyed boy. "Great. See you then Danny." He departed, leaving me to my thoughts. At least I had a fun Friday to look forward too, just like Frank said. Franks parties usually had so many people high and wasted, though. I guess it doesn't hurt to try.

But one things for sure, I can't tell Sam or Tucker. They'll freak and refuse to let me go, but they don't have a say anymore.

It's all about me lately.

My ghost sense signaled the arrival of a ghost in the area, so I quickly went into the locker room and transformed into my ghost half, quickly taking to the air. The bell signaled that I was going to be late for class, again, and that Sam and Tucker would probably be in gym by the time I was back.

A dark figure, literally, appeared in front of me, red eyes gleaming. "What's wrong with you? It's delicious!" Spectra smiled. I punched her in the face.

"Yeah, nothing. I'm perfectly fine." I lied.

"See I can tell when you are lying, Danny. You should let it all out!" Spectra said in her annoyingly fake voice. I groaned. "Whatever. Let's just-WOAH!" I screeched suddenly as she grabbed my arm and threw me towards the school gym, breaking the ceiling and crashing inside.

Sam and Tucker were in the middle of pull ups when it had happened. Tellstaff was already rounding up everyone and putting them on the bleachers. As I tried to get up, Spectra slammed me back into the groaned, hands pinning my arms down.

"There must be something bothering you. I can feel it. There's something wrong, but no one else can see that can they? They see that you're fine. When you aren't." Spectra deliberated. She stood, ecto-goo holding my wrists down in her place.

"You know nothing about me, Spectra." I said, emotionless.

"That's where you are wrong, Phantom. You like being in control of your life. You don't like where it's headed. Your friends don't hang out with you anymore, yet you follow them around like a lost puppy. Face it, you are a freak and you are hopeless." Spectra spat.

I froze my bonds and broke through them, flying at top speed towards the smiling ghost. "Like I said, Spectra, you know nothing about me." I lied. She had basically hit the nail on the head, but I'm not telling her that.

I sucked her into the thermos and flew off. I hadn't got hurt too badly, but there was a piece of glass in my forearm. No matter. I pulled it out, not minding the pain, before I transformed back to human. Good, everything's fine and the bandages cover the cut. Now I have a reason for the bandages if anyone sees them.

The rest of the day passed by uneventful. I didn't see Sam or Tuck for the rest of the day, which sucked but at the same time was good because I was afraid I'd let I was going to Frank's party slip. I waited by my locker for them, but they never showed so it was safe to bet they were already on their way to the library...without me.

I sighed. This wasn't the first time that they decided not to walk home from school with me. It's happened all the time throughout the course of the year. We are drifting apart and I'm not okay with that, but I don't tell them because I want them to be happy. College makes them happy, so I'm not going to complain.

Even if I'm broken inside…

As I walked home, I stopped by Sam's house to see if Tucker was there. I turned invisible and flew throughout the house making my final stop the basement.

Sure enough, there he was. And they were watching the movie we were supposed to watch tonight.

"I feel bad leaving Danny out more often…" Sam sighed, turning down the volume.

"But at least we don't have to pause the movie and wait for him to deal with a ghost." Tucker mumbled in between bites of popcorn. "Tucker! He's our best friend…" Sam hesitated.

"Is he Sam? He never tells us anything anymore! You saw Spectra today, naming off things that was wrong with him that he hadn't told us." Tucker said. I don't blame them, I'd ditch me too.

"Spectra also said that we ditched him…" Sam countered. Glad to know that she's on my side. "Sam...since when have our grades been this good? Since we decided to hang out less with Danny!" Tucker added.

"...I don't...know…" Sam trailed off. I sighed quietly. I should leave them alone for awhile. I won't walk with them to school anymore either if that's how they feel.

I flew off towards my house to check in with my mom and do some homework before the party. I was now excited that I had the chance to illegally get wasted. And high. Maybe laid, who knows?

"Hey sweetie! How was school?" Mom asked. I shrugged. "Same old. Hanging out with a couple friends tonight. I'll be out late. Don't wait up!" I smiled, taking the plate of food she was offering me to the table. "Oh? Sam and Tucker?" Mom asked, a faint smile on her face.

"Nah...they've been ditching me lately, so I'm gonna go to a party. See if I can make any new friends to give them some space." I told her nonchalantly.

"They've been ditching you?" I heard my sister call from the living room, her voice growing closer as she made her way to the kitchen. "Yeah, but I understand why." I looked to Jazz, trying to tell her with my eyes.

"Danny, that's not a good enough reason…" Jazz said, anger filling her eyes as she realized.

"Well, they'll come through eventually you just-" Ring! Ring! "-oh, I'll get it." Mom jogged into the living room to answer the phone.

"Hello? Oh...hello Sam." She said hesitantly. I sighed and got up, knowing she would want to talk to me. "Yeah, he's right here. Talk to you soon. Bye." Mom smiled sympathetically to me as she handed me the phone. I took a deep breath before putting the phone to my ear.

"Hey Sammy." I said in a happy tone.

"Hey Danny. So I just wanted to apologize about Tucker and I's behavior. You are our best friend and we should be making time for you and I realize that we haven't been doing that lately. Is it too late for you to come over and watch that movie with us?" She breathed out, her voice uneasy through the phone.

"Uhm…" I twirled the phone cord between my fingers. "I'm sorry Sam, but I already made plans." I admitted.

"Oh? With who?" She asked skeptically.

"Oh you know, gonna hang out with my family n'stuff." I mumbled, knowing that she knew I was lying.

"Oh, We'll just come over then." She replied, urging me on.

"That's not necessary. It's family bonding." I lied further, knowing that she wasn't buying it.

"...I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind if we joined in on your family bonding, I mean, we are practically family." Sam wouldn't let this go! Jeez…

"Sorry Sam, not this time. I'll see you at school. Bye." I snapped, hanging up the phone sharply. Mom jumped and looked at me, getting ready to scold me. "I should go." I said quickly. "Got to make it to that party." I said, looking at my watch. It was already 7 and it started at 7. "I'm actually late. Bye. Don't wait up." I called before quickly sprinting out the door.

So I've got the family sated for now and a probably very pissed off Sam Manson off my trail, now all I've got to do is get really wasted. Or high, I'm not picky.

…

When I got to the party, Frank immediately greeted me at the door. "Hey Danny! Lemme get you something to drink." He yelled over the music. I nodded, pausing when I felt my phone vibrate. "Come on!" Frank motioned me forward. I pulled out my phone to see what the deal was.

Sister Jazz [rec] sam n tuck just showed up, v pissed off that you lied. they want u home.

Sister Jazz [sent] pass. see you later.

I rolled my eyes at Sam's antics before Frank handed me a glass.

"Well? Bottoms up!" Frank smirked, raising his own glass.

Bottoms up.

…

Everything was really trippy. I was giggling and making out with this girl who I had never talked to before, but it was nice. There was some strange magical force vibrating in my pocket!

WOAHHHHHH!

I was giggling again when it was ringing, a strange magical tone. The girl stopped kissing me to bite at my neck while I fished out the magical device sent by the gods to press the cucumber button.

"Helloooooo." I slurred, giggling. The girl kissing my neck giggled with me.

"Daniel Fenton!" A young female voice yelled in my ear. Wicked.

"Sammy? Is that you!? What are you doing in the strange box thing?" I slurred.

"Danny Fenton are you drunk?" Sammy snapped. "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm at Frankies house but shhhh don't tell Sammy and Tucky!" I laughed into the phone, the girl deciding to run her hands under my shirt.

"Frank?! Frank Smith?! Daniel Fenton!" Sammy yelled again. Whoops? Did I accidentally tell Sam? OOPS!

"Lets go somewhere private." The girl slurred into my ear.

"Well Sammy! I's gots to gos! Byeeee!" I turned off the magical talking box and followed the girl into an empty room.

I don't know what we did but it was funnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

After it was done, the girl fell asleep and I got dressed, even though I don't know why I took them off...I don't remember. Haha!

I stumbled around the party and ran into a girl. "Whoopsie!" I slurred as I fell. The purple eyes angel glared down at me before pulling me up forcefully and dragging me away with her. "Woahhh where are you taking me pretty angel fromm heavenn?" I hiccuped. She rolled her eyes and thrusted me into the arms of a redhead demon spawn and a weird person with looking glasses.

"I found your brother. Let's go." The angel snapped. "Why is the angel made at me, devil lady?" I asked her. The look glass guy snorted. "Because you worried her... and you lied. Do you even know who you are?" She asked.

"Nope!" I smiled. The redhead smacked her forehead and the look glass guy just laughed harder. "Dude! You are so funny wasted!" He grinned.

"What?" I asked, still smiling. "Nothing…!" The guy laughed harder, barely able to get the word out.

"Lets go!" The angel came back giving me my jacket (I had a jacket on?) and putting me into a metal animal.

"Why did you do this?" The angel whispered as I laid down, putting my head in her lap.

"Well….I have these two friends who haven't been hanging out with me and that hurts really bad, but not as bad as…"

I didn't finish that sentence because the world turned black, and less colorful.