Title: Lunete
Author: JoeHundredaire
Rating: R/FR18
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe. Wish they were mine so I could do increasingly nonsensical things to them and watch my bank account get steadily larger, but sadly not mine. Kingsman: The Secret Service is the property of 20th Century Fox, and was loosely adapted from Dave Gibbons and Mark Millar's The Secret Service, meaning they might have some vague claim to the intellectual property of the aforementioned movie. Not mine, don't sue, and so forth and so on.
Summary: "Potatoes wear jackets. This is a coat, Harry Potter, and a rather fetching one at that if I do say so myself. I thought about wearing it to Bill and Fleur's wedding, but I thought it might be a bit too muggle for that crowd."
Joe's Note: After seeing Kingsman, I immediately began plotting how to work it into my preferred fandoms. It'll obviously fit decently well with modern Marvel, as a SHIELD-like organization that significantly predates Fury and Coulson's group. Harry Potter... well, anything that operates within England and doesn't have something directly contradictory like a radically different magical system can be meshed with Harry Potter. I'm even pondering running with the 'immortal Elsa' cliché and doing some Frozen/Kingsman/? triple crossovers. But... let's start here for now.
Dedications & Thanks: To Alexander, Nicholas, Nathan, MJ, Jessica, Dimitrios, Daniel, Isaiah, William, Koby, Wil, Thomas, Tracy, Christopher, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

Everything seemed fuzzy and slow as Harry jumped to his feet and drew his wand, Hermione only a second behind him. Others were slower to react, to realize that something strange had happened; some didn't even manage to catch sight of the patronus messenger until it was evaporating into mist. Silence spread outwards in cold ripples from the place where the silver cat had landed... and then somebody screamed.

Reaching back, Harry grabbed Hermione's hand before throwing himself forward into the crowd as the wedding guests began to panic and stampede. With each passing second, though, the journey became a little bit easier as person after person disapparated, proving Harry's worst fears true: the protective enchantments around the Burrow had broken. Behind him, he could hear Hermione calling out frantically as she twisted against his grip. "Ron! Ron, where are you?"

As he continued to shoulder his way through the guests that remained on the dance floor, Harry could see cloaked and masked figures appearing to thicken the shrinking crowd once more. Surging forward, he spotted Lupin and Tonks a few feet away, their wands raised as they joined a handful of others in incanting the same spell. "Protego!" Streaks of light went whizzing back and forth over his head; whether they were shields, other protective charms, or something more sinister, Harry had no idea.

...and then Ron was there. The redhead grabbed hold of Hermione's free arm, linking the three of them together, and then Harry felt her turn on the spot. Sight and sound were extinguished as darkness pressed in on him from every side, his world narrowing to the feel of Hermione's hand in his as his friend used magic to tell space and time to stuff it. Then he was somewhere else; away from the burrow, the descending Death Eaters, perhaps even Voldemort himself...

The first sense to return was his hearing, allowing him to catch Ron's question. "Where the bloody hell are we?"

Harry opened his eyes. His first thought was that they hadn't left the wedding after all - they were still surrounded by a crushing number of people - and then he heard the rumble of muggle automobiles, the honking of horns, the chatter of people, spotted the glowing Burger King sign a few yards away...

"Tottenham Court Road. Somewhere between..." Pausing, Hermione looked back and forth several times. "Great Russell Street and New Oxford Street. Now come on. We need to find somewhere for you two to change."

Harry nodded before following along behind her as she set off up the sidewalk. It was late enough for some of the shops to be closed already but not for the streets to have cleared; as he walked, Harry repeatedly found himself bumping into people, some of whom stared or even laughed at the sight of him. Glancing down, he suddenly understood why: he and Ron were still wearing their dress robes from the wedding. No wonder Hermione was so eager to get them into something else.

"Hermione, we haven't got anything to change into."

"Why didn't I make sure I had the Invisibility Cloak with me? All last year, I kept it on me and-"

"I can't believe I'm the one who's saying this, but... stop worrying. Both of you. Just keep walking until... this will do nicely." Hermione turned and led them down a side street, and then into the shelter of a shadowy alleyway. "George taught me how to put an Undetectable Extension Charm on my bag. Said it made him feel useful, since Molly wasn't letting him do much else around the house." To demonstrate, she opened her small beaded handbag and shoved her entire arm into it. After rummaging around for a few seconds, she began pulling things out: a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt, and then some maroon socks for Ron, followed by a pair of trousers for Harry, another sweatshirt, more socks, and finally his favorite pair of trainers. "I've had the essentials packed for days now, in case we needed to make a quick getaway. Harry, your rucksack is in here along with your Invisibility Cloak... oh dear, the books are a mess. I had them sorted by subject and then by author..."

Ron quickly disappeared into the shadows, the rustle of fabric broken only by his voice. "You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant... but scary." Hermione let out a huff at that, and silence descended for nearly a minute before Ron reemerged with his dress robes bunched up in his hands. "Done. Harry, your turn."

Nodding gratefully to his friend, Harry took Ron's place in the shadows and tried not to think about what might be under or around him as he peeled off his dress robes and changed into muggle - or at least muggle-passing - attire. His clothes seemed to fit oddly poorly, and it wasn't until he looked down at his arm and spotted red hairs growing from it that he understood why: he was still Barny Weasley. Bugger. Hopefully that would wear off soon, because the last thing he needed was to revert where muggles could see. "Right then. Now what?"

"The Tube. I want to stay in the muggle world for now because I don't think the Death Eaters will come looking for Harry here." Gesturing for them to follow her, Hermione strode off down the alleyway again, leaving Harry and Ron to exchange bemused smiles before falling in on either side of the brunette. "I have plenty of muggle money with me, so I was thinking we'd start at Tottenham Court Road station and head east to Holborn. From there, we can switch over to the Piccadilly line and get... well, anywhere. There are three different train stations on the line, and it even goes to Heathrow."

While he felt decidedly out of his element given his rather restricted uprbringing by the Dursleys', Harry mused, he probably still had it better than Ron. The redhead was just nodding along dumbly as Hermione talked, allowing her to lead them where she wanted. But as much as Harry wanted to argue with her plan - and assumed Ron did as well - he knew that neither of them had a better idea. What else could they do? Head back into the wizarding world that was now being run by Voldemort? Rely on Hermione to apparate them all over the country? No, this would be best, even if it was foreign and uncomfortable.

Unsurprisingly, Ron found the escalators to be fascinating - "it's like the staircases at Hogwarts, but they're actually helpful!" - and soon they were deep beneath London, following Hermione as she acquired tickets for them all before heading to the eastbound Central line platform. Time ticked down on a nearby digital sign, a red and silver train roared into the station, and then they were aboard and off to... somewhere. Sinking back into the black and green seat, Harry looked over at Hermione. "Can you think of a way we can contact... someone? Anyone? I mean, we know that Voldemort has taken over the wizarding world but that's it. There's a lot we still don't know. Who's dead? Who's alive? Who can help us? Who's still willing to help us?"

Before Hermione could even formulate an answer, they were already arriving at the next stop. Harry blinked; while he obviously knew muggles weren't the backwards savages that purebloods thought they were, sometimes even he was surprised by what they were capable of. As she led them off the train and through the station to another tunnel, Hermione let out a soft hum before finally answering. "For now? No. Maybe once we've tested my patronus messenger and see how reliable it is and how far I can send it, that might be an option. Or not; most people can't even cast a patronus, much less use theirs like that. So we could talk to them but they wouldn't be able to talk back. Let me think about it."

Harry nodded as they came to a stop on the eastbound Piccadilly line platform, looking around curiously. The trains seemed to be running every three to four minutes, and they'd just missed the last one. And late as it was, there were still plenty of people waiting with them: drunk young people, a handful of exasperated parents with small children who were swaying on their feet as they blinked sleepily, a trio of burly workmen who were soon joined by two more of their fellows, a brown-haired girl with glasses who looked to be their age - if that - but who was dressed rather sharply in a blue suit jacket and matching knee-length skirt...

A strange feeling in his hands made Harry look down and then swear, shoving them into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. Looking over at his companions, Harry mouthed the word 'polyjuice' and received understanding nods before ducking his head to hide the transformation better. It wasn't any more pleasant the second time than the first, but soon he was back to old self... and just in time for the train to roll into the station. Eying the stretch of six red, white, and blue cars, Harry nodded toward the last and emptiest car before heading in its direction. Hermione and Ron followed him, as did the group of large men and the girl in the blue jacket. The men confirmed Harry's suspicions. The brunette, he had no idea what to make of.

Throwing himself down into a blue seat, Harry gestured for his companions to lean in. "I don't know his name, but I just recognized one of those men. He was there the night Dumbldore died."

Ron's eyes bugged out and he leaned to one side to peer past Harry before letting out a low hiss. "The big blond one, yeah? That's Thorfinn Rowle. I remember him from the old wanted posters. And that's Dolohov with him. He was at the Ministry, too. Don't recognize the others, but if they're all here together..."

"That means they're probably Death Eaters too. Or sympathizers if they're not." Hermione looked back and forth frantically, hands gripping her bag so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "Oh, Harry, what are we going to do? I can't apparate us while we're moving this fast. And how did they find us?"

While those were all very good and important questions, Harry thought, they had bigger problems at the moment. Namely that the five men had risen to their feet as one and were pulling their wands, meaning Harry and his friends were outnumbered and outgunned while trapped in a confined space that they couldn't escape from. Before anyone could make the first move, though, there was a delicate cough from behind the Death Eaters. "Excuse me, gentlemen. Are you sure you want to do that?"

A hole opened up as the men drew to opposite sides of the car and turned back to look at the speaker, allowing Harry to see her too. It almost looked like Luna, except with darker hair, much nicer clothes, and far more confidence than he was used to. Oh, and glasses. Pressing the tip of the umbrella she was carrying against the floor of the Tube car, she rested her palms on the handle as she looked back and forth. After a few seconds, Rowle let out a dismissive scoff and flicked his wand at her. "Stupefy!"

Twisting to one side, the brunette let the spell race past her to splatter against the end of the car before letting out a sigh. "Very well. Let the record show that I did try to talk you out of this." Reaching into her jacket, the girl pulled out a sleek black pistol, pointed it at Rowle, and pulled the trigger. The gun roared within the confined space and then Rowle's body jerked, the wall behind him acquiring a disgusting red splatter. As the corpse tipped forward and crashed to the ground, the girl looked back and forth at the remaining Death Eaters. "There are seven rounds left in that clip and four of you. Are you still sure you want to do this?"

"Expulso!"

"Arcessio!"

"Diffindo!"

"Avada kedavra!"

Eyes widening, the girl whipped her umbrella up and opened it, one segment of the canopy after another lighting up with the rippling blue energy of shield spells as they intercepted the incoming fire before it could touch the underlying fabric. Then the Killing Curse impacted, sending the brunette stumbling back as the umbrella burst into flames. Swearing, she tossed it to one side and glared at Dolohov. "Do you know how much trouble I'm going to be in with Merlin for losing that?"

A bullet cut off any reply the Death Eater might have offered and then the girl was bounding forward, leaping to the left and then kicking off of the side of the car to launch herself at one of the remaining Death Eaters. She landed atop him on the floor, punching him once... twice in the face before rolling out of the way of an incoming spell, leaving the Death Eater behind to soak up a bright purple pulse of magic that made him scream shrilly and arch his back before going limp.

But even as the man stopped moving, the girl kept going. Hopping to her feet, she clicked her heels together before taking two steps forward and launching into a roundhouse kick that Harry was honestly shocked that she could perform in a skirt like hers. A thin silver blade protruding from the tip of her shoe slashed across the face of her target, and he clutched at it as he stumbled back. Then a sickly green color began to spread out from beneath his hand, the man's eyes rolled back in his head, and he collapsed with a gurgle. As the last Death Eater eyed the brunette, trying to decide how to handle her, she calmly raised the pistol she still held in her left hand and shot him in the head.

And the battle was over, just in time for the train to roll into the next station.

After calmly tucking her pistol away, the girl stuffed her hand into one of the pockets on the front of her jacket and withdrew a handful of butterbeer corks. Absently tossing one at each of the corpses, the girl then turned and made her way over to where Harry and his friends were standing. "Potatoes wear jackets." There was a series of faint pops as the remains of the Death Eaters disappeared from behind her, and then the girl offered a faint grin. "This is a coat, Harry Potter, and a rather fetching one at that if I do say so myself. I thought about wearing it to Bill and Fleur's wedding, but I thought it might be a bit too muggle for that crowd."

Harry's eyes widened. He'd noticed from the start that the girl looked awfully similar to Luna, but written it off as... well, everyone supposedly had a 'twin' somewhere in the world. Granted the odds of Luna's mirror image living in London and bumping into them were probably ridiculously low, but Harry had done some rather improbable things in his life. But if she recognized him and had been at Bill and Fleur's wedding? That made his 'twin' theory considerably less likely, as opposed to the possibility that she genuinely was... "Luna?"

"Lunete, actually. At least when I'm in the field like this. It's a reference to Yvain, the Knight of the Lion; ask Hermione about it later if you want. I'm sure she's read it." Stepping off the train, Luna gestured for them to follow her, waiting impatiently on the platform until they obeyed. "Quickly now. And nobody say You-Know-Who's real name. Actually, saying Tom is fine. Saying his fake name is a bad idea, though."

As Luna led them through the tunnels that connected the eastbound and westbound platforms for the Tube, Harry exchanged uncertain looks with Ron and Hermione. "Why? Dumbledore always said that fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself, and that we should say Voldemort becau-"

Luna abruptly held up her hand as she came to a stop, looking back and forth warily. A pop echoed through the tunnel they were standing in, she lunged forward, and then there was another dead Death Eater lying on the ground as his body turned a disgusting shade of green. Pulling her shoe's blade free of the man's calf, Luna shot a scowl at Harry before using the nearby wall to force the blade back into the tip of her Oxford. "Because back when Dumbledore was around to say it, there wasn't a Taboo on the name. Now that He's taken the Ministry, He knows every time someone says His name and can send people out to find out who's doing it. Considering most of those people are our allies..."

Right then. No fearing the name, but no saying it either. Harry nodded slowly as he watched Luna portkey the corpse off to parts unknown before resuming her march down the tunnel toward... "Why are we going back the way we came? Where are you taking us, for that matter?"

"And if the Taboo is how the Death Eaters found us... how did you find us?"

"In order... we're going west after going east because you got on the wrong train. And I'm taking you to Piccadilly Circus because it's the closest station to Saville Row. As for you, Hermione, it's actually quite simple. Remember when I asked you to dance at the wedding and then leaned in for a kiss? Which you really should have accepted; I'm certain that I'm a better kisser than Ronald is." Coming to a stop on the westbound platform, Luna whirled around and grabbed Hermione's wrist, pulling the brunette closer. Reaching up, Luna ran her fingers through the older witch's hair, coming away with something small and shiny. "You're rather pretty but a bit too much of a boff for my tastes. I was bugging you. As soon as you apparated away from the Burrow, I changed and had Merlin trace the signal."

What passed for silence in a semi-busy Tube station descended, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts. Who was Luna? Since when was she... like this? Was 'Loony Lovegood' just an act, then? Since she clearly wasn't talking about the historical wizard, who was Merlin? When had she tried to kiss Hermione? Where had he been to miss something like that? Not to mention- "Why isn't your hair blond?" Harry shot an incredulous look over at Ron, who flinched before raising his hands defensively. "What? She was blond at the wedding and now she's not. I'm curious. And what's with the glasses, while we're at it?"

Luna rolled her eyes as she pulled off the black plastic frames, folding them and tucking them into the right breast pocket of her ja... err, coat. "Honestly, Ronald, you met my mother before she passed. She had black hair." When that just earned her a clueless stare, Luna sighed before turning to Hermione. "Can you do me a favor and explain genetics to Ronald? Particularly how dominant and recessive genes work?"

Scowling, Hermione crossed her arms over her chest as she stared back at Luna. "First of all, I'm not a boff and you would be lucky to be allowed to kiss me." Luna roll her eyes at that, waving her hand dismissively. "And secondly... maybe. If you answer his question." That earned her odd looks from Luna, Ron, and Harry alike, making her blush. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm curious how she manages to make it look so natural. You heard what she did earlier; I was close enough to her face to notice that even her eyebrows and eyelashes are blond. Knowing how to do that would be invaluable if we need to disguise ourselves while we're on the run."

"...really, Hermione? You share a room with Lavender and Parvati, and you honestly want me to believe that you don't know how glamour charms work?" Shaking her head, Luna turned away once more as the train rolled into the station. "All aboard. Next stop: Kingsman."