The Deed Is Done
AN: This is AU and I own nothing
Also don't hate me for the route this story went down.
Part 2 of 3
"What's her name?" Toby questioned Spencer as she sat with him at his desk in the police department that was currently empty except for the occasional police officer.
"Lillian Penelope. She was born three weeks ago in Rosewood Hospital." Spencer said in a hoarse voice as she tried to keep herself from crying looking down at her sleeping daughter in her arms.
"Is there any important medical history I should know about?" Toby asked and Spencer shook her head.
"There is nothing major on my side of the family. I don't know about yours." Spencer replied saying the last sentence in a low tone.
"Spencer this isn't the time or place." Toby told her and Spencer looked away from Toby to keep herself from breaking down in one of the hardest moments of her life.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just thought that you were done with me. You made it clear that I was nothing but a mistake to you. And by the time I found out that I was pregnant you had stopped answering my calls. I wanted you to know but it was better if you didn't. In the end this is my decision and I think this is what is best for the both of us. " Spencer tried to explain but she could tell that Toby didn't want to listen.
"What's done is done Spencer . You can't change things once you leave this station without Lillian, there is no changing your mind. " Toby informed her and Spencer took a final look at her daughter and noted for the 100th time in her mind that Lillian had her nose and his eyes.
"Promise me that you will find her a good home Toby. Oh how I love you so much. I've never loved anyone more in my entire life." Spencer asked of Toby and then kissed her daughters head.
"I will try my best." He told her and with every ounce of will in her entire body Spencer extended her arms and passed their child to Toby.
"I really need to go before I change my mind. " Spencer whispered. "I hope she knows that this isn't goodbye because I will always be with her in spirit." Spencer said getting up from her chair.
"She will know." Toby tried to reassure her and Spencer nodded before turning to walk out of the police station. With every step she had to stop herself from turning around and taking her daughter. As Spencer placed her hand on the door she looked back at Toby.
"For what it counts before I knew the truth I really loved you as well."
"I'm telling you mom , I just can't make it home for Melissa's vow renewal. I have a lot of things going on at work right now plus I don't think Melissa would want me there after the last time we were in the same room." Spencer tried to explain on the phone as she watched her boyfriend of 3 years sketch her.
If there was one thing Spencer did tell her mother about it was the fact that she was happy. Spencer never talked about her relationship with her boyfriend a well known artist in New York. As far as her mother knew Spencer was living with a roommate that she met at school and was working at some big company interning . In reality a couple years back she got offered a job as a personal assistant to Jonny Raymond an artist who at the time was painting murals at schools and selling paintings online when someone would just happen to stumble onto his website.
When he hired Spencer she was a barista at a coffee shop who was considering moving back home only seven months after moving to New York. One day when she was making his coffee order he mentioned how his last personal assistant quit due to his lack of career and that she seemed pleasant and wasn't too annoying. They hit it off right away , Spencer would organize and schedule and Jonny would produce the art. Jonny began his journey to fame after a news station did a piece on one of his murals as he painted it. His name got out and even more people wanted to hire him. Spencer and Jonny began dating a year after they met and moved in together right away because Jonny needed to relocate to a better neighborhood than what he was living in.
"I just don't understand why you never come home. One night you are fine just mad about what Melissa said to you and are going to put Lillian to bed and when you came to talk to me the day after , you had your bags in your hand telling me that you were going to see Lillian's father and not to expect either of you to come home."
"Mom I don't want to come home. It isn't a good place for me to be. " Spencer tried to explain.
"You should tell your mother." Jonny said giving Spencer a smile and she rolled her eyes.
"It is a good place for you to be , what better place than your home?" Spencers mother questioned.
"Mom I have a home here. I am really happy and I have a life here. I have friends and I'm doing well at work. Listen mom I really need to go , I have something that I need to finish up but I will call you later. I love you , bye!" Spencer said in one fluid motion , not giving her mother a chance to speak before hanging up. Jonny got up from his spot and sat with Spencer rubbing her shoulders.
" You really should just tell her, it's not like you have to say it face to face. Just casually mention it. 'Hey mom it's me Spencer and I have met this really great guy and guess what, we are having a baby and you are going to be a grandmother again in 6 and a half months. ' Then just not answer her calls until the baby is born. "
"I know but then she is going to come to New York and is going to come and yell at me for how stupid I was to get pregnant again. Followed by she is going to try to castrate you. That is why I think I should just tell my family after the baby is born. I can just say that we have been dating for a bit when the baby came by surprise. Not tell her which hospital I'm in that way we would give her a couple days to calm down."
"We have been together for three years Spencer , and sure the baby was a surprise it isn't like we don't love each other. I really think your family wouldn't be that mad if they knew the truth." Jonny kissed Spencers cheek and she smiled.
"I really doubt that but for all I know you could be correct."
"What if you introduced me as your husband?" Jonny asked and Spencer was at a loss for words.
"Really?"
"Really , I mean it's not like we are strangers. We have lived together for years and love eachother. Why not make it official?"
"Mom I don't think I can do this." Spencer said to her mother as they sat together in the hospital. Spencer had given birth the previous day and was already drowning in her thoughts about how unfit of a mother she was. If she hadn't been so stupid then she would have had a smooth labor and she wouldn't have collapsed. If she was more responsible then her baby girl would have been delivered safely. That was all Spencer could think about.
"Honey , you and I both know that you are a strong person. You can do this Spence , if anyone could it's you." Her mother tried to encourage her but Spencer just watched over daughter.
" I made a mistake mom , I thought I could do it but I just can't. Her father isn't in the picture and he isn't ever going to be in the picture I think. "
"Honey you are a strong young woman , and you aren't giving yourself enough credit. I have seen girls who were in no condition to be parents but they rose to the occasion and you can too." Spencers mother encouraged her but Spencer shook her head.
"What if I mess up, what if I ruin her?" Spencer questioned and her mother kissed her daughters forehead.
"You won't ruin her Spencer , it just is something you aren't used to."
Spencer continued to watch her daughter who silently slept in her arms. Her mother was never really there for Spencer this emotionally before , Veronica would comfort her daughter but she never connected to Spencer so much. Her mother was never this personal and Spencer really liked the it.
"She really is beautiful. She is like a little angel who has done no wrong. She definitely has my nose , that god since her father has a pretty big nose. Well maybe that is a little biased but I'm still glad she has some of my good looks. She has her dads eyes though , I can tell already. " Spencer noted smiling at her newborn.
"I see a lot of you in her, she almost looks like Melissa did as a newborn."
"I know , I find it slightly tragic . She is going have to follow the giant footsteps of her great Aunt Melissa."
"So what are you going to name her?" Spencers mother asked and Spencer smiled.
"Well I don't know a more beautiful flower than a Lilly. My little Lillian is a strong and pure flower. Lillian Penelope Hastings."
"Absolutely perfect name for my perfect grand baby. Can I hold her?" Veronica asked and Spencer nodded passing newly named Lillian to her mother. Looking at the sight in front of her Spencer knew that she was in over her head but then again she had faith her mother would be there to help her.
Spencer looked at the door in front of her. She really wasn't planning on doing this. She and Jonny got their marriage licence and the first thing she wanted to do was call her sister or her mother. She thought at least one of them would be there and they would celebrate but instead she got marriage license at a court house a week and a half after Jonny proposed to her. They talked about just eloping but something in Spencer wanted to tell her family first. After returning home Spencer noticed the invitation on the fridge for Melissa's vow renewal for the following weekend. After pulling some strings she and Jonny secured a hotel room near Hollis. That way Jonny could visit when he talked to Hollis about doing a mural for the graduating class' gift to the school.
"I really should just knock , what is the worst thing that happens? They tell me to go back to New York because they want nothing to do with me. That I am the biggest mistake to ever exist in their world." Spencer tried to talk herself into ringing the doorbell.
"You are over thinking this. You know you shouldn't be freaking out so much, they are your family. Plus it isn't good for Eleanor."
"Shut up , we don't know if it is a boy or girl. " Spencer said turning her attention from the door to Jonny giving him a glare before without thinking Spencer pressed the doorbell. Knowing that she couldn't take it back Spencer began internally freaking out . Jonny put his arm around Spencer to calm her down as she heard her fathers voice calling that he was coming.
When the door opened Spencer knew her father was probably not expecting to see his youngest daughter. Probably expecting one of Melissa's friends who had a child in the same play circle as Taylor who was running late because they forgot their diaper bag at home.
"Spencer?" Was the only word that came out of his mouth.
"Hi daddy." Spencer was waiting for his anger and for him to start yelling at her for all of her failures but instead he just pulled her into as close of a hug as he could. Spencer tried to keep herself from crying as she hugged him back.
"What are you doing here?" Peter Hastings inquired as the two hugged.
"I came to see my sister get married again. I thought you guys hated me for leaving home."
"Honey we would have just been happy to know that you were somewhere safe and happy. You are our little girl." The two pulled apart and Peter smiled at his daughter.
"I'm happy, Jonny here and I bought a house few months ago after we found out Jonny was going to get a huge exhibit at this new museum mixing art and technology."
"Hi sir , Jonny Raymond. " Jonny extended his hand and Peter shook it giving Jonny an odd look.
"Jonny Raymond as in the big guy who is doing the mural at Hollis? I have heard a lot of impressive things about your art. "
"The one and only sir , also better half and boss of your daughter. "
"Well why don't you guys come in. The ceremony is supposed to be starting in twenty minutes. " Peter invited them in and immediately Spencer noticed a change in the homes decor. When she left there was no sign of a loving family anywhere apart from the few family photos they had. Now there were little things scattered about ranging from toys to kindergarten projects which looked like Taylors . There was a family feeling to the house and it made Spencer feel both happy and regretful .
"I see Taylor is a Hastings in the making." Spencer tried to make small talk.
"Yeah she is , actually some of that is from Aria Montgomery." Peter casually mentioned.
"The girl who used to babysit me? Why is she sending you stuff." Spencer questioned and Peter stopped to think for a moment.
"Just as a favor to your mother and I. After you left Aria contacted us one night to tell us that she and her husband were asked to foster a baby born in Rosewood. I guess she made the connection that it was Lillian. So she has been sending us crafts and things."Peter explained and Spencer felt Jonny take her hand to comfort her or to keep her from overreating.
"Is she still in foster care?" Spencer asked and Peter paused to think again.
"Aria and her husband decided to adopt Lillian . They fell in love with her immediately I guess. It took them a little over a year I think before Lillian was officially adopted by them."
"And she sends you guys things?"
"She wants us to know what is happening with Lillian , we get pictures and sometimes Lillian comes over for play dates. But it is mostly just a window to make sure that Lillian is safe and to give us some connection to our grand daughter. " Peter explained as they arrived to the back door. "I know everyone will be happy and excited to see you. IT's just we didn't know you were coming so it might be a little overwhelming."
"Mom this is too overwhleming. She won't stop crying." Spencer cried into the phone as she talked to her mother on the phone. It was her first day home alone with Lillian and Spencer was freaking out. For the past three hours Spencer tried everything she could to calm down her daughter but nothing she tied was working. She fed her , changed her diaper twice , tried burping her , bathed her and even trying to put her to bed but nothing would help. Spencer even tried driving around but nothing was working.
"Spencer you need to keep calm , this isn't good for Lillian if you are panicking. Is she feeling warm?" Veronica asked and Spencer sighed.
"A little , but she isn't burning up. What do you think is wrong?"
"I don't know honey , maybe it is gas. Listen , I will call Wren and Melissa to see if they want to come over and help. Maybe Wren can see what is wrong with Lillian but I need you to be calm. Melissa is very stressed right now. She is a week past her due date and is feeling really uncomfortable. Just make sure that she isn't having any panic attacks or anxiety attacks." Veronica requested.
"I know mom , I will make sure Melissa is as calm as a refrigerated cucumber." Spencer promised. As her and her mother hung up Lillian continuously cried and Spencer began to cry herself. She wasn't cut out for this. She didn't need to have to listen to her daughter cry in pain to know that.
Every day since she had given birth Spencer knew this wasn't her path , having kids wasn't really in her plans and neither was teenage motherhood. Looking into a mirror Spencer knew that if she was going to make a decision that she would need to make it soon. There was no other option since her time was running out.
Looking down at her daughter Spencer weighed every option she had at that moment . Maybe staying in Rosewood wouldn't be the worst thing in the world , she would find some guy at Hollis and they would get married and have a kid or two while Spencer worked for some great company. They would have it all but then again Spencer didn't want to have some possible happy ending with a faceless guy. Spencer wanted to be happy with someone who made her feel special.
"Hello we are here , Spencer?" She heard Wrens voice as he entered the house.
"I'm in here with the screaming baby." Spencer called out as Lilians cries drowned out her voice. Hearing fain footsteps Wren and Melissa walked into the room looking equally excited and exhausted.
"Look at that beautiful baby Lilly , so small and adorable." Melissa said as she waddled over cooing at her niece.
"I know , Spencer she is already so big for two weeks. You can hardly tell she is a newborn. Now how about mommy tells Uncle Wren what is wrong." Wren cooed taking Lillian from Spencer.
"She has a slightly high temperature and has been crying for hours. " Spencer explained.
"Well it doesn't seem like she is burning up. Just hot from crying. She probably has gas." Wren diagnosed Lillian and Spencer sighed with relief.
"Sounds like someone didn't read her parenting book." Melissa said while Wren looked Lillian over some more.
At that moment while watching her brother-in-law and sister look and coo over Lillian together , Spencer knew that there was no possible way that she was ready for motherhood.
Spencer Hastings looked at the pair of underwear in her hands. This was not the predicament that she foresaw happening at her sisters vow renewal. She was sitting in her old bathroom looking at bloody panties. She hadn't even said hello to her mother or seen her sister before she was feeling slightly off and decided to use the restroom which is how she got there at that particular moment.
Sitting there for what could have been hours Spencer began bawling her eyes out. This was it , this is what was going to break her . She was shaking at the pain she was feeling at that moment. Of course she knew what that probably meant. The exact reason why she hadn't told her mother on the pregnancy when she first found out . She didn't want anyone to be excited. She just wanted to be happy.
"Hello is anyone up here the wedding is starting." Spencer heard a voice and she thought she knew who it was but she didn't want to call out the wrong person. Silently she threw her underwear in the barrel.
"I know this might be inappropriate but Toby is that you?" Spencer called out and she heard the sound of footsteps come closer to the door.
"Spencer is that you?" Spencer heard Toby ask and she knew her suspicions are correct.
"Yeah , hey I need you to get my friend downstairs. Its the guy with the straggly hair and looks completely out of place with an empty seat next to him. " Spencer said through her tears and she didn't hear any movement.
"Are you alright?"
"I don't think so , listen I really need you to get my friend." Spencer cried as she felt slight pain in her abdomen.
"Are you in need of medical help. Do you need me to call 911?" Toby asked and Spencer continued to sob.
"I think I'm losing my baby , I need my fiance. Please just get him please." Spencer begged and she heard footsteps rush away from the door. After waiting for minutes in pain Spencer heard the sound of Jonnys voice getting closer to the door.
"Spence are you alright?" Jonny asked fromt he otherside of the door.
"I'm losing the baby Jonny. I'm sorry." Spencer cried whether she was sad or in pain she didn't know all she knew was both her body and heard felt broken.
"Baby it's alright , we will get through this." Jonny tried to comfort her.
"I need new underwear , can you get me some?" Spencer softly asked.
"Spencer are you in there?" Spencer suddenly heard her sisters voice ring out .
"Melissa , I'm so sorry. I ruined your big day , this isn't the family reunion I wanted. Go and finish your vow renewal , I will be fine. " Spencer tried to convince both Melissa and herself.
"Spencer honey is that you?" She heard her mother asked
"Yes , mom. Can you come in here , I really need you right now."
"Mom there is something I need to tell you." Spencer said to her mother as she entered into her office.
"Sure honey , is everything alright? Is Lillian still warm?" Veronica looked up at Spencer who had her bag in one hand and her cellphone in the other. "What's going on Spencer?"
"I am going away mom. I'm taking Lillian to see her father . I think he can do a hell of a better job than me. I'm not cut out for this. I don't belong here and I don't belong in this family. Melissa is making sure of that." Spencer deadpanned emotionlessly .
"Your sister is a week past her due date and is uncomfortable. She isn't trying to cause a riff between you two , she is just exhausted. Spencer we want you here , I know it's tough but you just need to hang in there." Spencer mother tried to reason with her but Spencer wasn't listening.
"Mom I've been a pariah ever since I told you I was pregnant."
"Spencer can you blame us for being slightly disappointed? You told us that you were pregnant at 17 and that the father was a college boy who went back home , I just can't understand why he couldn't have bought the morning after pill or you could have come to me or one of your friends."
"Because he didn't know that I was a minor when we had sex. There were a lot of secrets between the two of us. I thought he was a good and normal guy and he thought I was a normal nineteen year old girl. We were both liars." Spencer shrugged her shoulders.
"What exactly did he lie to you about?"
"I can't tell you ."
"Was he a professor?"
"No." Spencer replied simply.
"Was he someone into the wrong things?"
"No , do you really want to know mom? He is married , he has a wife who I know and she is really nice. "
"What else Spencer? If he was only married you would have told me a long time ago. What can you not tell me?"
"You can't tell anyone mom. Promise?" Spencer looked into her mothers eyes to see if she could trust her.
"Honey what is it?" Her mother got up from her desk and went over to Spencer.
"He is a cop , he was working undercover and I found his badge when I was looking through his backpack for gum. I left before he was out of the shower and when I finally talked to him it was two weeks later and he knew that I knew. I was asked not to tell anyone since it could compromise his entire investigation . I then told him I was a minor and he freaked out and I said it was probably best if we just never saw each other again." Spencer admitted to her mother who looked shocked at her daughter.
"Was it officer Cavanaugh?" Spencers mother asked and Spencer looked her mother over completely shocked before Veronica continued. "When I was called after you collapsed I was the first to arrive. You were still unconscious and when I walked into your room he was still there. He was sitting watching over you to make sure that you were safe, that you weren't alone. He said that you two met at Hollis. He kept on looking at your stomach. I connected the dots."
"Mom , I'm not ready. You and I both know it. I only have a week left tops that I am protected from getting arrested for abandonment . I need to do this now before I ruin mine and her life. "
"Spencer you don't need to do this -"
"You know I do." Spencer interupted before going towards her mother and hugging her quickly. "This isn't a goodbye , this is a see you later. I'll come back home some day , I just can't be home now. I'm sorry." Spencer kissed her mothers cheek and pulled away.
"I'm sorry , I just don't think that this is going to work Spence. I think that you should just stay here instead of come back to New York to tell everyone that we split up." Jonny said to Spencer as she folded their clothes in the hotel room. She could sense it was coming ever since she lost the baby. There was a change in the air when they were driving back to the hotel , they didn't know what to say to each other. Spencer would try to say something but all they did was dance around each other.
"I know it's not."
"That cop , was he the one who got you pregnant with Lillian?"
"Yes." Spencer wiped a tear from her eyes.
"He looked like an uptight asshole."
"He sort of is I guess or he used to be. "
"Do you need me to immediately send anything important to you when I get back to New York?" Jonny asked as he watched over Spencer who shook her head.
"No , I have my laptop and some clothes here. I think that I will be fine. "
"I'm really sorry."
"No you're not , I think we both know that it was too perfect. We would have killed each other by our second anniversary. Remember the entire reason why began dating is because we both are terrible in our love lives. " Spencer chuckled slightly at the memory.
"I know that this might be coming out of no where but I think you should know that when I went to that show with Annalise we had sex. I know I told you we didn't and that nothing happened but I lied. " Jonny admitted and Spencer nodded her head.
"I slept with Caleb after you lied to me. " Spencer said and Jonny smiled at her.
"I kind of had a feeling , my mother never had severe morning sickness with my brother and I." They both frowned at that.
"So just make sure that you give my binder to whoever you hire to be your new assistant. " Spencer tried to change the subject as her eyes welled up.
"I will, I hope that you find happiness whether it be with Caleb or the cop or even that creepy guy who was checking you out."
"I will , I hope you find someone who isn't as damaged." Spencer said as she finished packing , Jonny took his bag and they took a moment to look at eachother.
"Goodbye Spencer"'
"Goodbye Jonny."
So this chapter kind of Chronicles her losing both of her children. I feel like no one really talks about the safe haven law as an option for when females find themselves in the predicament that they don't want their child. Also I know some of you were expecting this to be a Spoby story and it might take that turn in the last of the three chapters but this is more about Spencer and her family. the next and final chapter will be about Spencer reconnecting with her family and trying to readjust herself. BTW Jenna will appear in the next chapter as will Hanna and possibly Aria. I guess you will have to wait and see!
By the way I loved the PLL finale! It was simply amazing and everything I hoped for and more! I think it gave a lot more answers than what I was expecting and I was pleasantly surprised! #TeamHaleb #TeamSpoby