Highschool ShardXShard Chapter One Oh

"ALL HAIL LORD HYODO!" all the Fallen Angels chanted. I didn't mind my new followers' chanting, but one can only hear 'All hail lord Hyodo' so many times before it becomes tiring.

"Alright guys, that's enough for now." I said.

"YES LORD HYODO!" every Fallen Angel yelled.

"So, where are all the Fallen Angel-girls?" I asked, expecting a group of well-endowed women like Raynare to appear.

"Sir, we're part of the War group." one of them said, as if that explained everything. I was quiet for a moment and the Fallen Angel before me started squirming. With full conviction, he then said, "Sir, we're the group that fights constantly. Guys are just better at fighting than girls. And when we told the girls that, they wisely followed Azazel in his Research group. Also girls are icky and have cooties."

My brain processed this for a moment. I wanted to cry. Then another moment. I wanted to cry even more. After a minute filled with these moments, without any tears flowing, I finally exclaimed the sentence my brain had presented me, which was obviously the best response to this situation.

"What."

Brilliant comeback, Issei.

"Issei, are you alright?" Kiba asked me, probably concerned about why I had been silent for precisely a minute.

"A DEVIL! LORD HYODO, WE WILL SAVE YOU!" the Fallen Angels shouted as one, and they dogpiled Kiba.

For a moment, I was amused at Kiba's suffering. Then, I remembered this whole situation would be a lot easier to explain to Rias with Kiba helping me.

"Guys, get off him."

"YES LORD HYODO!" they shouted, and they un-dogpiled Kiba. Groggily, the handsome bastard sat up.

"Issei, let's just go to Rias, OK?" he said, trying to sit up, battered and bruised.

"A DEVIL! LORD HYODO, WE WILL SAVE YOU!" the idiots shouted again, and Kiba was once again subjected to being dogpiled by a horde of Fallen Angels.

Did these guys have the memory of a goldfish or something? No wonder they fell, not even God wanted them.

After half an hour of Kiba-dogpiling, I finally managed to make them see Kiba as a non-hostile person. Mainly by telling them Kiba was an informant of mine.

Now I just had to manage to do the same thing for Rias and her entire peerage. Headvoice, some help?

"Alright everyone, we're going on an undercover mission-" Not a moment after these two words had left my mouth, or every Fallen Angel was dressed in a brown trenchcoat with a matching fedora, wearing sunglasses and had a newspaper in front of their face. While still leaving their wings out in the open.

"-To the Gremory peerage. So don't dogpile every Devil you come across, OK?"

Headvoice, how do I get them there without everyone noticing that there are people with wings walking the street?

Huh, remarkably simple.

"Lead on, 'informant'!" I told Kiba, and I winked twice and nudged him with my elbow while saying it.

"Yes, Lord Hyodo." he replied, with a rather smug smile.

"ALL HAIL LORD HYODO!"

Damnit Kiba.

Getting to the Occult Research Club had been remarkably easy.

"We're cosplayers for that new anime coming out in a few weeks." I just said. Most of these people didn't know about anime anyway, and wouldn't be able to tell that I was lying. Suckers.

"Rias, are you there?" I yelled.

"Issei!" "Issei!" two voices yelled out. One of them was Asia, the other was Rias. They took me in a crushing hug.

"Good thing you're back!" Rias said with poorly hidden glee in her voice, "You need to carry Asia's bags back to your house."

"It's a good thing I have my own minions, then!" I said, before she noticed the entourage of Fallen Angels, who were still in brown trenchcoats with matching fedoras, sunglasses, and newspapers. Somewhere along the way, they had each taken a pair of Groucho Marx glasses from God knows where, and had made holes in the newspapers they were carrying at eye-height. Looking closely, they were from about nineteen years ago.

"Oh, wow! You've already convinced such a big group of completely ordinary and completely unsuspicious humans to work for you!" she said, completely serious. Asia looked at her like she'd just said the grass was blue.

"Eh, Rias?" I said, prompting her to turn her head back to me. "How do I say this... They're all Fallen Angels."

"Really?" she asked, still completely serious.

"Yes. You might notice the fact that they're reading the newspaper in the late evening while wearing sunglasses. You might also notice the fact that they're all wearing the same outfit, and now that I look a bit closer, they all look alike too. Although that's probably normal for minions. Second-to-last, you might notice the Groucho Marx glasses on the newspapers. And last of all, if you're perceptive enough, you might just notice the giant black wings sticking out of their backs."

"Huh, now that you mention it." she said. Then, she seemed to realize I was being followed by just a little less than thirty Fallen Angels. Even worse, they were following my commands.

"WE ARE ALL DOOMED!"

So, I started explaining my situation to Rias.

"So let me get this straight, Issei. You snuck out with Kiba to fight with a few Fallen Angels you had next to no intel about, come across one of the very few Archangels that have fallen from heaven, and defeat him by throwing a coin in his windpipe? That sounds a little hard to believe."

"Well, yeah. But I basically made something up about some law from the 14th century, and he went along with it. When putting me in command, he said he was going, and I quote, 'on a long vacation to somewhere sunny, where the girls wear nothing but palm leaf dresses and coconut bikinis'. Can't say I disagree, it would be nice to go somewhere where the girls wear nothing but palm leaf dresses and coconut bikinis."

"I'm just glad Issei-kun is safe." Asia said, still hugging my left arm.

"Well, so am I." I replied. "Wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't."

No, headvoice, I did not require a contingency plan for everything downloaded in my head. That would mean it got crowded in there.

"Besides, I'd wear a palm leaf dress and a coconut bikini at a tropical beach..." Asia said as if it were the most normal thing in the world, and I think my face invented a new shade of dark red, all on its own. Asia wasn't supposed to say things like that!

"Let's just go back home, alright Asia? I'm tired of the shopping and beating up Fallen Angels." I said.

"WE WILL FOLLOW LORD HYODO!"

I hoped they didn't yell that when I was asleep.

I got home quickly by making the Fallen Angels carry us and the shopping bags to my home. Unfortunately, there was a tiny detail I may have overlooked...

"Issei, what is the meaning of this?" Irina asked, Xenovia scowling at me.

"WATCH OUT LORD HYODO, A PAIR OF JUNIOR INQUISITORS!" the Fallen behind me yelled, and they started to dogpile the two poor girls in front of me. Come on guys, not again...

A/N: Mostly unbeta'd! Now with extra LORD HYODO!