A/N: Hello my lovelies: Ok a few things about this fic. First off this was written before Blood of Olympus so it might be a bit off. Also I believe in gender equality. This was just written this way for fun.

Disclaimer: Uncle Rick owns the Supersize Mcshizzle and company. I own the plot.

Credits: I came up with the plot but I had a lot of help with the story from former betas Itty Bitty Albatros (Tobi) (In fact Tobi pretty much co-authored it with me.), StillFallingAngel and RavynAshes2 but then Tobi and Angel became too busy to help and Ravyn fandom jumped on me. That was a sad sad day. So my new beta bluelove22 helped me finish this up and is going to help me get the rest of my fics out. Plus we're doing a collab together! :D ~Cookie

Hi people! *goes back to writing Solangelo and beta-ing* -bluelove22

So without further ado we present to you~

That's Not Where It Goes

It was a normal day in the McLean/Grace/Valdez residence- well, not really normal per say… nothing involving any of the Seven was ever normal. Especially when Leo Valdez is involved.

It all started when Piper asked Leo to get something for her from her purse. Such an innocent request.

But this is Leo after all. Simply doing something like he'd been asked to was not his style. He was curious by nature; some might say too curious. While getting something out of his friend's purse it was hard not to take notice of the other things in her bag.

Never ask a man to look through your purse. While looking for said object, Leo found something that seemed to draw him in, so to say. After all, his mechanical skills were on a magical level and he knew a machine was in front of him. Even if it was invisible or didn't look like one…

"What is this?" Leo asked curiously.

"Mascara," Piper stammered out nervously, a little too suspiciously for his taste. Besides, Leo could tell that he was indeed holding a machine in his hand/between his fingers.

"No, its not," Leo said slowly. "Besides, you don't wear mascara, or any makeup for that matter, unless your siblings somehow talk you into it. I know a machine when I see one." Leo closed his eyes and concentrated. "And this is a machine."

"No, it's not." She stated nervously.

"Piper, don't lie to the mechanic. This is," Leo's face lit with recognition. "Woah! This is a vibrator!"

Panicking, Piper's thoughts raced through her mind, trying desperately to think of some excuse. Ohmygods he knows! He's never gonna stop teasing me! Oh gods oh gods what if he tells Jason!?

Her first reaction was to deny. "That is not a vibrator, "she said, cheeks red, lacing her voice with charm.

"This is not a vibrator," He repeated under her spell, but quickly snapped out of it as he a) could clearly tell what he was holding and b) her charm couldn't change facts.

"Wow, Pipes. Trying to charm speak your best friend in the whole wide world? Now that's pretty low," he said while twirling the vibrator in his hands while Piper eyed it warily. "Maybe I should tell Jason about how mean you're being just because I found this interesting piece of technology in your purse."

"Don't you dare!" She quickly lowered her voice after the small outburst. "You will not tell Jason, you hear me? He… he thinks it's just mascara given to me by my mother."

"Well well," Leo said, as he grinned wickedly. "Somebody has been awfully naughty to hide it from her fiancé, hasn't she? But, I'm wondering," Leo narrowed his eyes at the toy and then back at Piper, "Why you would need one in your purse?"

"I," Piper began to stutter, casting a forced-casual laugh, but Leo cut her off.

"You've got plenty of privacy for storing these things at home. Why a portable one then, hmm?"

"Why not?" Piper asked smoothly. She seemed to have regained her balance after the shock, but she still looked nervous-maybe because she was embarrassed, or maybe because she was worried he was going to tell Jason. Or maybe because she knew that Leo was not ever going to let her live it down.

"But why?" Leo pressed further. Honestly, "why not" could be an answer to everything and yet to nothing. "Unless you use it a lot. Like, a lot."

"Maybe I do use it a lot!" Piper exploded. "Why is it any of your business?"

"Whoa, there!" Leo held his hands up in mock-submission. "I'm just messing with you. Apparently you like being messed with." He winked and Piper growled. Somewhere in her head she could hear something about how it is not becoming of a daughter of Aphrodite to growl. Piper didn't care.

"What's the big deal?" Leo teased, still turning the toy in his fingers. "It's a vibrator, and you like them so much you needed one in your purse. Disguised as mascara. Which," Leo derailed, as usual, onto the mechanics, "I'm going to have to figure out how to do, 'cause that's cool."

"Give it back, Leo." Piper made a grab for it and Leo tugged it further into his space, holding it up and out of her reach (which was hard, because she was tall, and really motivated to get it back).

"Seriously, Leo," Piper made useless snatchy-hands at the mascara tube, and Leo wiggled it in the air tauntingly.

"I'm just going to take it back to my workshop!" He insisted. "I'll put it back together perfectly when I'm done. Trust me."

For some reason the tone of his voice implied otherwise. He was probably going to end up messing with it.

"Oh no you don't. Give it back, Valdez!" Piper jumped Leo before he could even brace himself, and suddenly the air was knocked out of him by the gritty ground and the weight of one demigod, plus a purse, squishing him as she struggled to get to her toy.

"Ah ah ah, tinkering is in my blood! It's my duty as a child of Hephaestus to investigate it!" Leo pushed at her face and palmed the cylinder, swinging it down and managing to get a knee in her gut (getting an elbow to the ribs in the meantime but hey, sacrifices), until he could crawl backwards.

"Leo, give me back my-"

"Hey!" Maybe it was the fight, or Leo's hands, or the way it was squashed against his palm when he was trying to keep it away from Piper, but something must have pressed the button on the bottom, because it was now buzzing happily in his hand. That was cool.

"Hey, another setting!" Leo sang as he pressed the button to activate the mechanism he knew was in there instinctively (if only Hephaestus knew the use to which his talents were now being used). The vibrator pulsed and vibrated a bit slower, throwing in pulses every few seconds.

"It's like a hand massage!" Leo exclaimed, and groaned when Piper kneed him in certain, ah, 'delicate' areas. This sent him into the fetal position within seconds, eyes shut tight as he let out a massive groan of pain. However, his hand was still gripping the toy like his life depended on it.

"Leo, I swear to the Gods, if you don't give that to me this second, I will-"

Leo never heard exactly what Piper would have done to him, because a familiar pair of worn tennis shoes walked into his peripheral vision and stopped, kicking up a small tuft of dust.

Leo's eyes trailed up from the tennis shoes, to tanned knees, to a worn tie-dyed shirt.

"Hi, Jason." Leo gulped. He was suddenly, burningly aware of the girl flopped half-over him, and the mascara tube buzzing in his hand in what now sounded like a very loud noise.

"Hi." Jason replied absently. He looked slightly dazed as he stared at when Leo held in his hand. "Uh, is that a, um..."

"Vibrator?" Leo blurted out the missing word without thought, and felt Piper's hand slap over his mouth with a sting.

She laughed nervously. "Vibrator? No it's not, silly." Another laugh, this one more soothing and casual. And filled with charmspeak.

"Vibrator." Jason said firmly. He still sounded a little dazed, and his brow wrinkled as he looked at it.

"Wait, so that isn't your mascara, Piper?"

Piper's forehead smacked into the ground with a groan.

Jason's eyes start to focus as the gears in his head turned and cleared up from the cloudiness of the charmspeak and he finally figured it out.

"I was wondering why you had that in your purse if you don't use it- well… it looks like you do!"

The daughter of Aphrodite hung her head with a sigh. She was never going to live this moment down. The Gods were probably laughing at her from above.

Actually, scratch that. She really hoped they had no idea whatsoever about what was occurring.

Jason, however, didn't waste any time in walking over to the pair and picking up Piper by the waist. He sat down and positioned her firmly in his lap with his arms caged around her so she couldn't escape.

"Explain," he said firmly. When she remained silent, he decided to stop playing Mr. Nice Guy. "Piper," he murmured huskily.

Her lip trembled, and she bit it, hesitant, and looked down on the floor. "I-" She started out, but couldn't continue her sentence.

Jason saw her hesitation, leaned down, and gently sucked on her ear. Tickling. Teasing. Pulling. Nibbling. He used two fingers to tilt her head and meet her eyes.

"Explain," he ordered.

Gods that turned her on. She could really use that vibe right now.

Breathing deeply in hopes of being her embarrassment to a minimum, Piper kept her gaze focused on Jason's electric blue eyes. "I…I use it sometimes-"

"A lot," Leo coughed, ignoring Piper's glare. He looked away and pretended not to notice the couple in front of him.

"So, a lot, then..." Piper continued after giving Leo one last dirty look. She played with a loose thread on Jason's shirt. "It's just… I don't know..." She sighed.

"Why didn't you come to me?"

"You were busy with all of your duties and… and I didn't want to bother you just because I needed a quick release… and…"

Upon hearing his friend, Leo clutched at his ears dramatically, crying out that he didn't need to hear this, before tossing the 'mascara' in his friend's general direction and booking it out of the room.

It was safe to say after that day Piper's purse was just a bit lighter and she was kept plenty more satisfied.

A/N: Ok a couple things besides the obvious REVIEW PLEASE. Once upon a time I Cookie of the Land of Crazy Chicks attended my friends bachelorette party.
Anyway there was this lady there selling sex toys and I being my curious self looked at the catalog and thus I discovered the existence of these vibrating mascara wands. Yes they are real, no they do not have mascara in them and no I did not buy one. And that's how this story came about.

Blue is helping me clean up my unpublished (better than this one) stories and we are writing a SOLANGELO together. It's gonna be awesome sauce. Correction, it is awesome sauce so AUTHOR ALERT please.

Also I am aware of the dynamic being a little off. Honestly Piper is a grown woman and if she wants to have a toy she can. The significant other has no right to say otherwise. That goes for everybody. Equal rights people. I just wrote it like this cuz it was funny.

Anything you wanna add Blue? ~Cookie

Nahh, it looks good :) ~Blue

Well you're talkative. Eh I did most of the talking anyway. ~Cookie

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