Chapter 1: In Which the Author Crosses Naruto with Zero

Because He Can.

AN: In case anyone was wondering why the writing in this chapter is subpar compared to Capstone, it's because I originally wrote this in 2013. I've given it a touch-up since then, but all of the duct tape in the world can't make a piece of shit stop being a piece of shit.

The change didn't happen when he was sleeping, nor did he suddenly fall unconscious. Instead, it was as if the entire world had swiftly shifted to one side, then back. Nothing big or flashy; it was so subtle, he would have missed it if he hadn't been its focus. It was like blinking right when the scene changes; something was different, but he had missed what connected the two. One moment he was wearing his jumpsuit, the next, he was in red armor and had an overwhelming feeling of power. He didn't think too much of it. It was probably something from the Forbidden Scroll or whatever.

He was just lucky that this shifting of reality had happened while he was at home, rather than in public, otherwise he'd probably have to deal with some really silly shit. Of course, he still had to go to class, so it wasn't like he had avoided the silliness in its entirety. He had time before he had to leave though, so he could test his new duds in private.

The armor was nowhere near as flimsy as it looked. The vest could stop a kunai easily, no matter how hard Naruto stabbed. The same went for the helmet. Even the triangular gem that looked to be a weak point shrugged off his best efforts like Sasuke's duck-butt hair shrugged off gravity. Speaking of hair, the thing also came with a ponytail. Apparently it was retractable, as it shot back up into the helmet as soon as he tried to slash it.

His suit also came with what he assumed to be weapons. One looked to be the hilt of a sword. The other was an oddly shaped hunk of metal. His brain identified it as a "Buster," but he wasn't really sure what that meant. He found out rather quickly though, when tentative exploration found the trigger. He was happy with this "buster"; his new skylight would take some getting used to.

Setting the buster down, Naruto picked up the hilt. He hadn't studied it in detail yet, as he hadn't taken it from its holster. But now that he wanted it, he found it practically leaping into his hand. Unlike the buster, the hilt was intuitive. As soon as his fingers curled around it, it let out a satisfied purr, and spat out a large, flat, triangular blade that was just begging to be used. The buster was nice and all, but Naruto had just found his favorite weapon in the whole damn world. Ranged combat had never been his thing; he favored a style that was far more up-close-and-personal. This sword fit the bill nicely, with the fact that it was made of deadly plasma only adding even more points in its favor.

He wanted to play more with his toys, but Naruto wasn't so sure if that was a good idea. The buster shot had put a sizable hole in his ceiling, and the sword ("Z-Saber," his brain corrected) felt wonderfully destructive to the point that he was scared to mess with it. It was like having attack tigers that obeyed your every word: a heady power that would be so much fun to use, but your fear of mistakes and your lack of do-overs made you cautious to even think of bringing them out to play. As much as he hated having to wait, he knew he would have to delay further testing until he was out of his oh-so-very-breakable house and on a training field where he had nothing to worry about hitting.

Full of energy and excitement, Naruto whirled around and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Look out, world! Naruto Uzumaki is here!"

It was then that he noticed the time. He had missed his usual time of departure by seven minutes.

Cursing loudly, Naruto shoved his weapons back into their holsters before dashing out the door.

xxxxx

Naruto stepped shakily into his classroom much sooner than he though he would. He was a few minutes early, but that was because he discovered the dash function of his armor on the way over. It shaved several minutes off his time, but he also suspected that he'd lost a few minutes from his life after hitting a few walls at high speed. He was still dazed from the impacts.

"I guess that's what the helmet's for."

He was so dazed in fact that he completely failed to notice not only the way his classmates were looking at him, but also the bitchin' theme music that had started up as soon as he entered the room.

All of the named characters in the room were staring at him curiously. It was nothing new to go out and get a new wardrobe after graduating, but the design of this armor was completely alien to them. On top of that, nobody even knew Naruto graduated. The music was an even bigger puzzle, as there were no speakers visible on his armor.

All eyes followed him as he searched for a seat. If she had been conscious and feeling particularly ballsy, Hinata would have scooted over immediately. Sadly, she had fainted almost as soon as she got the first hint of her crush's coolness. As it was, the closest seat was next to Sasuke, as Sakura and Ino had yet to arrive, and none of the other fangirls were able to nut up and take that chair.

Naruto didn't question his luck or complain. He was still a little dazed from his trip over, so he sat in the seat without comment.

Sasuke on the other hand had run into no walls at high speeds today, and was coherent enough to wonder what the fuck was going on. He didn't say anything though. He may not have been emo, but that didn't mean he was particularly talkative. Instead, he just shrugged his shoulders and faced forward, softly tapping his foot in time with Naruto's theme song. Still, stoic and silent though he was, he couldn't help but comment.

"…Catchy."

Sasuke's unexpected speech was enough to break Naruto from his dazed state.

"Huh? What was that?"
"Your theme music. It's catchy."

It took a few seconds for him to pick up on what Sasuke was talking about, but after he focused a little, Naruto was able to hear his tune.

"Oh! You're right, that is pretty catchy."

"Hn."

Feeling that what needed to be communicated had been properly conveyed, both boys settled into a comfortable silence of music appreciation.

This continued for a few minutes, during which Naruto's theme looped a few times and nobody complained.

Then, the last two students arrived.

xxxxx

Sakura and Ino burst into the room at the same time, loudly declaring their victory and the other's failure. As if sensing an impending scene, the theme music cut. Sasuke was rather put out by this development, and showed it by scowling. Unfortunately, this activated his bishie sparkles, so his displeasure went unnoticed.

It was at this point that both girls picked up on Naruto's new look (a bright red helmet is hard to miss). Ino, being the slightly more fashion-conscious of the two, was the first to speak up.

"What's with the new look, Naruto? I'm glad you ditched that shitty jumpsuit, but what made you pick this?"

Naruto just shrugged.

"I dunno, I just kinda had it on. Why, don'cha like it?"

"No! It looks good on you!" she assured him hurriedly.

It was odd that Naruto hadn't bothered defending his previous choice of clothes, but that was overshadowed by the fact that he had responded without shouting. Still, that wasn't really a bad thing. Though the bright red armor might be a little out of place in this profession, the fact remained that it was head and shoulders above that abomination he'd called clothing. Plus, now that Naruto was talking normally, it was noticed that he didn't always sound like he smoked several packs before breakfast, and wasn't that bad to listen to.

Still, as interesting as these unexpected changes were, the fact remained that Sakura and Ino were almost late, and needed to find a seat. Sadly, Naruto had already taken the seat next to Sasuke, so the only options were to sit with Shikamaru and Chouji, or to sit on Naruto's other side. Ino decided to sit with her friends, leaving Sakura to take the remaining chair.

With one last grumble about how she totally won that race, Sakura trotted up the steps to the last empty seat. As she ascended, she gave Naruto a once-over. That armor was really odd. It didn't look like anything she'd seen before, and the aesthetic looked completely foreign.

The daze had worn off by now, so Naruto noticed that she was looking at him. Smiling, he turned and waved to her.

"Heya, Sakura. You ready?"

"Of course. You?"

Naruto leaned back and scratched his chin, staring up at the ceiling.

"Hmmm…" he said, stretching the sound "yeah, I'd say so."

He leaned forward again and twisted in his seat.

"How 'bout you, fucker?"

Sasuke grunted.

"I'm just glad you could find your way here," he said.

"…So is that a "yes?""

"No shit."

Naruto laughed and clapped him on the back, and Sakura rolled her eyes. She normally wasn't too cool with people insulting Sasuke, but since the two boys were frienemies, she would let it slide. After all, she was pretty perceptive. She could tell that they weren't being cruel. She and Ino did the same thing.

xxxxx

When team assignments came, there wasn't much complaint. Or at least, there wasn't much complaint that mattered. Sure the rest of his fanclub whined when they weren't placed on Sasuke's team, but they were just background characters that nobody gave a shit about.

Sasuke himself had nothing to say, because that was just how he was.

Naruto was happy that he and Sakura were working together, and he and Sasuke were (as far as he was concerned) bros. Granted, as far as bros went they were kind of hostile, but someone so lonely will take what they can get.

Sakura was also quiet. Needless to say, she was psyched about being on Sasuke's team. And while she would normally complain about having to work with Naruto, the atmosphere around their little group was making her feel much more relaxed about the whole thing. They all could have done without their teacher making them wait, but as they lapsed into a companionable silence, even that wasn't so bad. Three hours passed while the hopeful team relaxed and enjoyed each other's company.

Then Kakashi came in.

One thing about Naruto is that he gets jumpy if he sits still too long. He may not notice it, but his energy starts to build up if it isn't used. After three hours of stockpiling, he was on a hair trigger.

Kakashi didn't enter suddenly. He didn't kick the door down, he didn't bust through a window, and he wasn't very loud. That didn't matter though, because as soon as he came through that door, Naruto had his buster in hand, and his finger squeezing the trigger.

xxxxx

Though he might not have enjoyed his time in the ANBU, Kakashi was certainly thankful for the reflexes it had given him. The dark period in his life-though not over-was much lighter now, and though he might not use those snappy reactions of his quite as often as he used to, he would definitely admit that there where times when they came in handy.

This was one of those times, he decided, as he ducked the speeding plasma bullet. His thankfulness was further bolstered when he felt splinters and sawdust pelt his back as that same bullet blew a good sized chunk out of the doorframe.

Despite what just happened, Kakashi decided it wouldn't do to show shock in front of these kids that he would (possibly) be spending a good chunk of his statistically short life with. First impressions mattered, after all.

Nonchalant, he stood again, ignoring the bits of pulverized wood that sloughed off his back. Distantly, he heard a surprised shriek. He kept his one uncovered eye closed so that he wouldn't know who it was. He figured it was the polite thing to do.

When the shrieker was done, he opened his eye and looked at his prospective students.

The Uchiha looked shocked, but that was expected. Truth be told, Kakashi was glad he looked like that. When he'd heard what'd happened to Sasuke, he had been worried that the boy would turn into an emo bitch. Though surprise wasn't as much of a cheerful emotion, he would take what he could get.

The girl looked about as astonished as Sasuke, most of that was covered by a thick and fiery blush. Pegging her blush as one of embarrassment, Kakashi guessed that she was the one who'd screamed. Aside from that, he was a little worried about her competence. Her long hair would be troublesome, and she lacked the skill and experience required to compensate. Thankfully, her dress was a bit more practical, as the somewhat Chinese design allowed for a much freer range of movement.

Naruto was totally different than what Kakashi had read and observed. Ignoring the fact that he had been the shooter, His new look was...it was something else. The armor looked light, so it probably wouldn't hinder his movement. The odd design of the boots and greaves...well, he would have to wait and see what was up with those. The helmet seemed fine, if a tad decorative, but the vest didn't seem like it would stop much. It also didn't protect the stomach, and that was, in Kakashi's opinion, a design flaw.

He couldn't fault the firepower though. That shot had almost taken his head off. Belittling that would be an insult to himself as well.

"My first impression of you is...meh. Meet me on the roof."

As he walked out, he heard Naruto whispering.

"Dude, how did you scream so high? Haven't your balls dropped yet?"

There was a muffled thud of fist on flesh, then Sakura put a stop to the developing fight with a firm admonishment.

Kakashi snickered to himself, making sure that his future students couldn't hear it.

"Well, it looks like I shouldn't have been making assumptions."

xxxxx

When the morning came around, Naruto was pumped. He hadn't slept much last night, and was pleasantly surprised by the fact that this didn't matter. He wasn't groggy, and he felt great. Apparently the armor did more than just protect him. He was looking forward to the survival test with a zeal that shone like a thousand suns. Hopefully the test included combat, because he had forgotten to find a trial area yesterday, and was itching to try out the Z-Saber.

He was so excited it was unreal! He couldn't stop bouncing around, he was so pumped! Even when he was brushing his teeth (which was rather messy as a result of this)! Eagerly he watched the clock, waiting for departure. He wanted to start his career off right, and arrive exactly when he was supposed to.

He had grossly overestimated his patience. In an effort to burn energy, he had taken a few practice swings with his Z-Saber, and lopped the corner off of his small table.

Aghast, Naruto quickly replaced his weapon and turned his eyes to the clock. Two minutes had passed.

"Screw this!" he yelled, "I'm just gonna go early!"

That said, the boy threw open his door, and dashed off to the designated training field.

xxxxx

Three hours.

Three long hours.

Kakashi had made them wait three hours past their designated meeting time, and by the time he showed up, none of them were pleased.

"YOU'RE LATE!"

Kakashi, the asshat, was unfazed.

"Sorry, I got lost on the road of life."

"BULLSHIT!"

Kakashi just shrugged, not bothering to deign that with a response. Instead, he launched right into his spiel.

"I have two bells." His students looked at him curiously, wondering what the hell he was on about, and feeling an impending urge to call CPS. Sighing dramatically, Kakashi held up his bells for their viewing pleasure.

"You see these bells?"

They nodded.

"Good. You gotta grab them before lunch."

Again, they nodded. Sakura raised her hand.

"Yes, Sakura? What's your question?"

"There are two bells and three of us. What does the third person do?"

He grinned. "I'm glad you asked that! Whoever doesn't get a bell is tied to a post while we eat their food in front of them."

Gasp! Kakashi smiled. He loved this shit.

"Then they go back to the academy!"

GASP! The smile widened. They were just so effing cute. He would hate to see them go.

"Come at me like you wanna kill me, okay?"

"But sensei, we might hurt you!"

Aww, she actually thought they could touch him! It was so adorable how she was worried about him. If Kakashi wasn't such a bad motherfucker, he might have actually hugged her for that. Instead, he brushed her words off in the most hip and cool manner he could think of.

"Don't worry about it."

If he listened closely, Kakashi thought he could hear the sound of Gai screaming in frustration. It was good to be the king.

"Now get ready. Your test starts in three..."

"...two..."

"...one!"

WARNING!

WARNING!

WARNING!

Megaman Zero 2 OST: Crash II

All of the field's occupants jumped at the sudden noises. Though Naruto and Sasuke were glad to have Naruto's bitchin' soundtrack back, the deeper and more urgent nature of the piece made the situation seem all the more dire. Kakashi however, who hadn't experienced this odd little facet of the armor yet, was caught flatfooted. This was capitalized on remorselessly. His only warning was the soft hum of power before the Z-Saber came slicing towards him.

xxxxx

Kakashi was not pleased with his new team. Not only did they let their poor mentor be set upon by a replicating batshit-crazy powerhouse like Naruto, but they actually helped him. Sasuke kept trying to fry him with fireballs whenever Naruto had him distracted, and Sakura-that sweet girl who had seemed so concerned for his wellbeing-had actually helped those two try and kill him by coming up with plans and chucking explosives at him! And then Naruto gave her his buster! His first run-in with that weapon hadn't been very pleasant, but now—especially after dodging its blasts when Sakura turned out to be trigger-happy—he was somewhat less than pleased with the thing.

Still, they worked nicely as a team. Maybe that music that Naruto kept playing had helped somehow. It sounded kinda silly, but the serious tone it carried could have focused them and reminded them of the gravity of their situation. So, as much as those evil, traitorous, ungrateful little brats might have annoyed him by keeping him from reading his porn, he would have to pass them.

...

Okay, he might be a little bit proud, but he'd never tell them. Wouldn't want their cute little heads to get all swollen now, right?

Humming some of Naruto's theme music, Kakashi whipped out his porn, and strolled off to make his report.

He head a feeling this would be the start of something great.

xxxxx(One Month Later)xxxxx

"Team Seven is now banned from D Ranks."

Iruka stared at the Hokage, wondering if he was serious.

"Is that even possible?"

Hiruzen Sarutobi had not been enjoying his day. Team Seven was why. Sakura had just used that buster of hers to turn Tora into a blackened crater smeared with blood, guts, and fur. Needless to say, Lady What's-Her-Face was not pleased, and had screamed for like, an hour. Granted, the extra funds that surreptitiously came in the mail from her husband had helped redeem what had occurred, but he would miss torturing the genin with that mission.

That was just the tip of the iceberg. For the last month, Kakashi's genin had been getting themselves banned from almost every mission given. Naruto had gotten them barred from any missions involving paint when he decided to use his dash to speed up a whitewashing assignment. Due to the laws of physics, when he stopped the paint in his can did not. Even then, he kept trying, and ended up coating the wet paint with the dust his speed kicked up. By the time he was done, there was more paint on the street than on the fence, which now looked like a dirt wall. Then Sasuke decided to help the paint dry with some fire. The paint was flammable, and so were the houses nearby.

Sakura got them all banned from babysitting when she tried to get the little brats' attention with a warning shot. The ceiling and roof of that house would need repairs. The parents were also displeased to find their children still awake, as they had been kept up by Naruto's bitchin' tunes. The only bright side of that fiasco was that Sakura had gotten one hell of a confidence boost. Having wide-eyed and adoring children worshipping your coolness will do that.

Sasuke had gotten them banned from any mission having do do with farms or anything else that was particularly burnable. Apparently, he had discovered his pyromania when he had accidentally lit a block on fire during the whitewashing mission. The barn full of hay was too much of a temptation for him to resist. No matter how useful Naruto's clones might be, there was no way in hell he was letting those three go on a barn building mission.

After dealing with all of this shit, it is understandable why Sarutobi would be less than patient when it came to Iruka second-guessing him.

"Excuse me Iruka, are you the Hokage?"

The schoolteacher was puzzled.

"Uh...no, sir."

"Mmm. And who is the Hokage?"

"Um, you are, sir."

Iruka could now see where this was going.

"That's right. I'm the Hokage. Tell me Iruka, if not Hokage, what is your position?"

"Chuunin, sir."

"No. It isn't."

"P-Pardon me sir?" Asked Iruka, fearing a demotion.

"Your position isn't Chuunin, it's bitch. My bitch. Now tell me something, bitch. The fuck are you doing, questioning my decisions?"

"Sorry, sir."

"Damn right you are. Now where was I? Oh yes. Team Seven is banned from D Rank missions. Any objections?"

Silence.

"That's what I thought."

In front of the Hokage stood the team in question, with their teacher happily by their side. They were noticeably different now than they were a month ago.

Naruto, though still cheerful and energetic, was slightly calmer. Having obscene amounts of power had helped him feel better about himself to the point where the amount of bluster and bravado in his speeches had decreased. He no longer had anything to compensate for, so he didn't bother. As far as his calmer demeanor, Zero's armor took a lot of energy to run. Since he didn't have the power core built in like its original user, it instead siphoned from the Kyuubi as well as his own massive reserves. Another welcome change was the lack of shouting. Now that Naruto had solid friends in his team, he didn't feel as much of a craving for attention.

Sakura was much more confident. She had really taken to the buster, and spent much of her time improving her drawing speed and accuracy. She was working on trick shots, but those are kinda tough when your bullets obliterate instead of bouncing. It was a happy tragedy when she learned how to charge her shots (happy for her, because shooting massive balls of speeding death is fun, but a tragedy for all the little woodland creatures living in the path of her shots. Their cute Disney asses are now dust in the wind). She was also pleased to discover that the buster was insanely durable, as pistol-whipping bitches was way more fun than just punching them. She was so grateful to Naruto for giving her his gun, and was still working on a way to repay him. She'd have to get some hair care secrets out of him first though. She didn't want to admit it, but she was a little jealous of his fucking magnificent ponytail.

Sasuke was much more cheerful. Though still in dire need of counseling, he found that fires were an excellent nightmare deterrent. They also helped him with his bishie sparkle problems. It's hard to be bish when you're laughing maniacally while watching shit burn. One of his future goals was now to find a way to light his sparkles on fire, and throw them at his enemies. It should also be noted that his new best buds were doing a wonderful job of helping him feel less lonely. As for Itachi and his vengeance, Sasuke still trained for that day. He just did it with his friends. Fire was nice, but nothing kept the darkness at bay as well as they did.

Kakashi had also improved. Taking care of his new team had suitably distracted him from his survivor's guilt. He was so excited to see them every day that he found himself arriving closer and closer to on time. He figured Obito would understand. After all, his adorable little students were practically made of the chaos his friend had loved so much.

Still, despite all of this boosted confidence and good feelings, Team Seven remained silent. As improved as they were, none of them wanted to challenge the Hokage's pimp hand.

After a minute of fearful silence, Sarutobi felt that his dominance had been asserted satisfactorily. He put a smile back onto his face, and reverted from King Pimp to his usual role of Lovable and Benign Grandpa. Sensing the decreased likelihood of getting slapped like a bitch, Kakashi stepped forward.

"Pardon me, Sir, but if not D Ranks, what should my genin and I do?"

"A good question. Since you have exhausted all other options, I think it's time for you to go on a C Rank."

A drunken old man came through the door.

"This is Tazuna. You will be protecting him while he finishes building his bridge."

MISSION START!

Megaman Zero Mythos: Esperanto

Team Seven started tapping their feet, used to the sick jams. This was Tazuna's first time though, so he reacted accordingly.

"The fuck?"

xxxxx

Hype music aside, this was still the first time that Team Seven would be outside of Kenosha's walls, and they were still very green. None of the genin found anything strange about the puddle in the middle of the dry road, and when two ninja popped out and shredded their teacher with some absolutely metal-looking claw and chain contraption, most of the kids froze. It was only when they started rushing Tazuna that Sakura was able to come back to herself long enough to try and squeeze off a shot at the chain. Her shaking hands made the plasma miss, and the two enemy nin doubled their speed and changed their target to her. That was enough to make her teammates react, as Naruto roared a mixture of fear and anger and rushed the larger men, forgetting that he even had a sword, let alone to draw it. Sasuke was more useful. He had only frozen up as the "death" of Kakashi had dredged up some very unpleasant memories that his brother had gifted to him. The threat of losing more people that he had (grudgingly) grown to give some semblance of a damn about kicked his ass into gear, and he threw a shuriken that pinned the enemy nin's chain to a tree, marking one of the few times in ninja history that a shuriken or kunai has actually done anything important. The two men, Gozu and Meizu, only took a second to stare in amazement at this before detaching their chain, bitch-slapping the charging Naruto with a clawed gauntlet, dodging another panicked buster shot from Sakura, and vigorously attempting to murder an old man.

They would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for that meddling Kakashi. He popped out of the tree line like a Shia Surprise and caught the two charging men in a double clothesline that would have made Randy Savage shed a tear. Such was the force and majesty of his technique that Gozu and Meizu completed one full revolution around his arms before crashing into the ground, unconscious and utterly defeated. Kakashi quickly bound the two to a tree before turning to look over his students. Naruto was staring at his scratched gauntlet, Sakura was shaking and holding the buster out in front of her, and Sasuke was looking very triggered. Kakashi nodded and clapped his hands together in satisfaction.

"Good first effort, team." He said. "Not the best, but we'll work on it. There will be no shortage of grown men and women trying to kill you in the future, so if you aren't happy with how you did today, don't worry! There's always later."

His team did not look reassured. Sakura seemed to be breathing a lot faster, actually. He'd have to work on his post-battle speeches, it seemed. Oh well, there would be plenty of opportunity in the future. He had other business to attend to in the present.

"So, Tazuna," he asked, "any idea why two missing nin were trying to kill a humble bridge builder like yourself?"

The man in question began sweating under Kakashi's stare, and his nerves only got worse as the three children in the clearing began to clue in on what he was getting at. Well, everyone but Naruto, who was a bit slow on the uptake, but once Sakura whispered in his ear, he started glaring too.

"Well…"

One sob story later, and Team Seven was ready to carry on. Though they had spent that fight being as collectively useful as a hedgehog in a condom factory, it had filled them with resolve to do better. Kakashi was honestly down for whatever. It had been a while since he helped liberate a downtrodden country, and this might prove to be fun. He briefly entertained the thought of notifying the Hokage, but thought better of it. The old man might send backup, and that would be lame.

xxxxx

If the genin of Team Seven thought they were going to redeem themselves in their next fight, then they were sorely mistaken. Zabuza was head and shoulders above what they could handle. Zabuza was hardcore enough to charge into a fight with silly pants, no shirt, and a giant sword. That was definitely A Rank levels of crazy. It reminded Kakashi of that time that Minato beat the hell out of a battalion of Iwa nin while wearing nothing but a bow tie and a banana hammock (they interrupted sexy time with Kushina). Either way, his genin might be able to handle some C Ranks now that they'd had a good chunk of the green scared out of them, and they bight even be able to give a B Rank some trouble, but an A Rank? An A Rank missing nin like Zabuza was more than they could handle. He was faster, stronger, more experienced, and so far out of their league that it wasn't funny. If Kakashi hadn't been there, he would have slaughtered their whole group effortlessly and been on his merry way with Tazuna's head in a sack.

They hadn't expected to be able to destroy all who opposed them, but to run into an enemy so much stronger than them that early in their careers was a severely disheartening experience, made even worse by the fact that their hopes had been so high at the start of the encounter.

When the massive cleaver that Zabuza used for a sword came whirling towards them, instead of ducking, Naruto tried to earn his level in badass by using the Z-Saber to slice it in half. Seeing something like that, the three of them thought their opponent had used the ridiculously large blade to compensate for a lack of skill, and could now be considered disarmed. This was when it all went pear-shaped as Zabuza—none too pleased with the desecration of his blade and dreading the amount of blood it would take to fix that kind of damage—proceeded to violently prove them wrong. Though Naruto's sword could cut through pretty much anything, that didn't help him as much against Zabuza as he had no idea how to effectively use it. The only good to come of this was the knowledge that only Naruto could use the Saber, as the blade retracted as soon as he was disarmed. Small comfort though, as Zabuza could just as easily have killed all of them with just the handle.

Luckily, he never got a chance to, as Kakashi intervened, revealing a surprise Sharingan behind his lowered Hitai-ate and gaining more of his student's respect as he opened up a can of whoop-ass on their assailant.

Or, that's what happened at first. It all went to shit again when Kakashi embarrassingly seemed to forget that he was fighting a ninja from the land of motherfucking water and jumped backwards into the ocean to dodge an attack. Zabuza, having planned on this, gleefully trapped him in a sphere of that wonderful wet stuff before sending out some water clones to fuck the rest of their shit up. It was lucky for them that Zabuza didn't know the shadow clone technique, because unlike their more easily destroyed counterparts, water clones are only a fraction of the strength of the user and particularly weak to green plasma swords (To Sasuke's disappointment, that same weakness is flipped for fire, as they shrug that shit off like dandruff. He had to settle for stabbing and punching; activities which are nowhere near as fun as burning, and caused him to scowl in a fabulously sparkly manner).

Of course, ninjas may be able to walk on water, but that doesn't mean they can breathe it. Hoping to save their teacher before he drowned, Sakura whipped out her buster and began trying to blast Zabuza's arm off. Her target was fast, but the technique he was using kept him anchored in place, requiring his hand to constantly be in contact with the water sphere. He could have taken the shots in order to ensure Kakashi drowned, but having seen what the Z-Saber could do, he wasn't inclined to try his luck with these bullets that seemed to be made of the same stuff. Cutting his losses, Zabuza released the technique and dodged, hoping that Kakashi would be slowed down by oxygen deprivation.

No such luck. Kakashi came out of the trap ready to make up for his embarrassing blunder, and intent on a quick finish to the fight. Sharingan eyes drain a lot of chakra when they're open, and he was running pretty low. It would be terrible to pass out from chakra exhaustion without eliminating Zabuza first. Keeping this in mind, Kakashi resorted to ample amounts of mind-fuckery in order to take Zabuza down, only to be beaten to the kill by some hunter nin from Mist. Satisfied with his coolness, Kakashi passed out and made his Genin carry him all the way to Tazuna's house.

xxxxx

Sasuke was a little worried that he might have mommy issues. The root of this was Tsunami. Sasuke wanted to tap that. No, he really wanted to tap that.

He didn't think he had mommy issues just because he thought Tsunami was a hot piece of ass, because if so, then everyone who saw her would have mommy issues. No, Sasuke thought he had mommy issues because Tsunami was the first woman he had wanted like this.

Though he would never date a fangirl, he could still admit that some of them were pretty.

But he hadn't wanted them.

Sakura had become far more capable, voiding his original complaint about her. But he didn't want her.

Tsunami wasn't a strong, competent ninja. She was a housewife and the mother of an exceptionally whiny little boy.

But Sasuke wanted her.

Troubled as he was by this, Sasuke proceeded to deal with it the way he dealt with all of his problems: fire.

Tsunami had said that she didn't want him using fire in the house or surrounding forest though, so he practiced by shooting flames over the lake out back. It wasn't something he would have preferred, but her hotness commanded him, and thus he obeyed.

At the moment, he was attempting to correct what he perceived as a major flaw in his fire techniques; they all came from his mouth. That was bullshit. While breathing fire was cool, so was chucking fireballs. Since Sasuke's bishie sparkles were proving annoyingly fire retardant, he was devoting his time to attempting to spawn fireballs in his hands.

The most he'd done was scorch his palms.

It was going to be a long day.

xxxxx

Tree climbing had been...interesting, to say the least. The discovery of the hour had been that Naruto's armor came with wall-jumping capabilities, as well as the improbable ability to control his movement midair. However, as this skill was neither stealthy, nor did it allow him to walk on ceilings like a regular ninja, Naruto was forced to do the same lesson as the rest of them.

Sasuke found the lessons frustrating. His progress was slow, and his competitive nature caused Naruto's progress to irk him. He failed to see what climbing trees had to do with improving his skill with fire, and it was only the words of Tsunami backed by her MILF powers that kept him from burning that clearing to hell. The only improvement to the situation was that Sakura had stayed behind too. Sure, she didn't need to-she said she was sticking around to practice her marksmanship from new angles-but it was her presence that made the young pyro feel less like he was lagging behind, and more like he was working with his friends in order to get stronger. It was a nice feeling, and much better than the usual loneliness. As he lost his grip on the trunk, Sasuke made a mental note to see about his team moving into the now empty Uchiha clan compound with him. It wouldn't be the same as having his family back, but maybe it could be just as good in its own way.

xxxxx

Naruto stared at Haku. Haku stared back. They had been doing this for a few minutes now.

"That's an awfully feminine face you've got there. You sure you're not a girl?"

If he/she was offended, Haku didn't show it.

"You're one to talk. That's an awfully short vest and an awfully long ponytail. And paired with those tighty whities...you sure you're a boy?"

Naruto grinned.

"Yeah, see; that would be a good comeback, if it weren't for the fact that my very presence has bigger balls than you might or might not have."

Haku took a moment to consider this.

"Touché. Well, you think I'm a girl, and I'm calling your masculinity into question. How about we go behind those bushes over there and see who's telling the truth and who isn't?"

"Fine by me."

A minute or two passed in silence as the two got situated. The bushes rustled slightly, then:

"Ha! I knew you weren't a guy! Pay up!"

"Wait, when was this a bet? What was being wagered?"

"...I don't know."

A giggle, then:

"Let me make you an offer."

"An offer? What kind'a—Oh. I get it now."

xxxxx

Dinner at Tazuna's house was always a tense event for Team Seven. Part of it was guilt. They had seen how little food these people had on their walk through town. They were reminded of those barren food stalls with every bite they took of Tsunami's delicious cooking.

Another part was personal. Kakashi had gotten smacked by Tsunami on the first day for reading porn at the table. She may not have been a ninja, but her mastery of Mom-Fu was unparalleled.

As for Sasuke, the pressure for him came from his manners. He was well aware that he was better behaved than most boys his age, but he still worried that all of his years without a mother had resulted in some gap in his behavioral knowledge that would lead to him embarrassing himself in front of Tsunami. As if that wasn't enough, the poor boy found himself hard pressed to keep his eyes off of her chest and butt. He didn't consider himself a perv, but damn did that woman have some curves! It took all his ninja skills to keep from getting caught, and even then he worried that she still knew. Moms always did.

Personal demons aside, the largest source of stress came from Tsunami's whiny son, Inari. The boy spent every meal he was present for muttering emo shit under his breath and glaring at them. Each day was a little worse too, as the boy got more fervent the longer they were there. Though they didn't say anything about it, the ninjas were certain that the boy's angst would soon boil over.

That night, it did.

There was no warning. Inari finished his meal just like he normally would, and stood as if to leave. This was all routine, so nobody paid it any mind.

Then the floodgates opened, and the bitchfest began.

"Gato's gonna kill you all."

Unused to the boy speaking in anything other than an angry grumble, Team Seven was caught flatfooted.

"I'm sorry, what?" asked Kakashi, the first to recover.

"I said Gato's gonna kill you all!"

Inari shouted this, slamming his hands down onto the table top; he was clearly incensed.

"You all go out and act like you're fighting for justice, and then you get yourselves killed! You don't think about who you left behind! You just think about yourselves! You have no idea what it's like to have a hard life!"

Inari paused, before continuing in a sulky, sullen voice.

"You think your justice will save you, but it won't. Justice doesn't matter, only strength, and Gato is stronger than you. There is no justice, and there are no heroes."

Naruto wasn't sure where the words came from; himself or somewhere else. That didn't matter, because they came to him now like an echo from a different place and time. His every word heavy with strength and conviction, he spoke.

"I never cared about justice, and I don't recall ever calling myself a hero. I've always only fought for the people precious to me. I won't hesitate...if something threatens them, I will destroy it!" {Zero's "World of Cardboard" Speech, adapted to Naruto}

"You mistake wealth for power. Gato isn't strong, he's just rich. And while the people on his payroll may be mighty, against my resolve they are nothing. So go ahead and tell me what you will. Tell me I'll fail; tell me I'm stupid for even trying. You won't be the first to do so, and your words will go unheeded. I don't take advice from cowards."

That said, Naruto stood and walked out of the house. After a few moments, Sasuke rose as well.

"If you must know, neither of us have anyone to return to."

The sound of the front door closing echoed in the silent room.

Kakashi quickly finished his meal and left the table, counting on his mask to hide his prideful expression.

Respecting the situation, Sakura walked back to the Team's room before giggling and hugging herself. She was well aware of her status as one of Naruto's precious people, and hearing his conviction gave her the warm and fuzzies. She stopped her actions as a thought occurred to her.

"Am I a bad person for feeling so good after such a heavy conversation?"

"Nah." Sakura jumped and blushed in embarrassment when she realized that Kakashi had been there the entire time. She stopped squeezing herself and glared at him, trying unsuccessfully to cover for herself.

Kakashi smiled back at her, acting completely oblivious to the stink-eye he was getting.

"Well, maybe a little. It's healthier in our profession to focus on the good stuff though, so you can think of it as a coping mechanism instead of a sign of your bad moral character."

Her glare had been fading, but now it redoubled.

"You really could've phrased that better, you know."

Kakashi nodded cheerfully.

"Yep. I know."

Sakura sighed and sat down, deflating a little as she did. Letting out a sigh of his own, Kakashi pushed off of the wall he had been leaning against and walked over to sit across from her.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Usually this was a difficult question to answer, but Sakura was a smart girl; Kakashi was confident he'd at least get an intelligent answer.

"I can't help but feel guilty."

"I already told you that there's nothing wrong with you being a bad person."

Sakura glared at him half-heartedly.

"Not about that. I know it's stupid and entirely against logic, but I feel guilty that out of this entire team, I'm the only one that had a normal childhood. I wasn't what caused you guys' situations, but I feel bad that I can't offer any sort of solidarity." Here she looked at him hopefully.

"Do you know what I mean?"

Kakashi stared at her for a few seconds, thinking of a response. Finally he spoke.

"I understand what you're saying, and I can actually sympathize a little."

He paused to shift into a more comfortable position as Sakura looked on, eager to hear more about his past.

"My genin team was a bit of a mess. I was the prodigy to whom everything came naturally. I was so OP that I was already a Jōnin. I had a lot of skills, a sweet sword, and the attention of the girl on our team, Rin.

The other guy on my team was Obito. He was an Uchiha, but he was considered an embarrassment by them. He was unskilled, goofy, clumsy, and hadn't even unlocked his bullshit eye-powers yet. He also had a pretty big crush on Rin. He was very competitive and aggressive towards me because I had everything he wanted, and he hadn't seen me put in any effort to get it. Until our very last mission, I had no idea how to connect with him because I had never been in his situation."

"Last mission? What happened to him?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"He got crushed and gave me one of his eyes to replace one I lost. Then he died."

He was trying to act blasé, but Sakura was pretty sure the memory still hurt him.

"Anyway, I spent some time after that trying to figure out what I could've done differently, and during that time I thought of something. When you meet someone who's been knocked down or is worse off than you, don't try to show that you're the same as them. It cheapens their experiences. You also shouldn't feel guilty though. If you're still standing and they've been knocked down, don't talk about how much being on the ground sucks, help them stand up."

"So I should help Naruto and Sasuke up?"

Kakashi paused.

"Well, yeah, but I wouldn't recommend being really active about it. Those two are pretty prideful, so it'd probably be best just to be there for them. What they need right now is someone they can rely on, not someone who tries to grab their hands and tug them around. You know?"

Sakura nodded and began to smile. She could feel the guilt and worry leaving her now that she had a clear course of action.

Kakashi smiled back.

"Good. Now go to sleep."

xxxxx

Inari was fed up with being a bitch. Those two stupid looking swordsmen were trying to take away his mother for use as a hostage, and they expected him to sit by and cry like he always had. He wasn't gonna take that.

Acting quickly, Inari grabbed one of his mother's larger kitchen knives and rushed the men, intent on stabbing them until their blood bled.

Though his charge would have normally been stopped with ease, a small change in events had worked out in the boy's favor. Because the author felt like it, the two thugs had arrived a bit earlier this time around, meaning that they had more time to carry out their job before Inari was scheduled to man up. Because of this, by the time Inari did make his attempt on their lives, they were out of the doorway and facing away from him.

Still, even with the element of surprise, one untrained boy with a knife cannot take down two (somewhat) trained grown men with swords. He got closer this time, but he was still backhanded by one of the ronin before he could do any harm. Luckily for him, Inari's words from the night before had caused another divergent event.

Jumping off of the roof, Sasuke landed in front of Tsunami's abductors like the goddamn Batman. He didn't stay there though; he sprung forward quicker than either man could draw their swords and palmed their faces. Then, accompanied by a manic grin of victorious elation, his hands lit ablaze.

Stumbling from pain and impact, both men lost the strength to remain standing when they felt Sasuke's superheated fingers burning through their skin. Using their shock-induced weakness to his advantage, the young ninja forced his prey to the ground, where an immolating burst of fire from his palms reduced their heads to ash, and their screams to echoes and memories.

The disturbing smile still lighting his face, Sasuke gazed upon his now soot-stained hands, reveling in his success. Though igniting his hands was rather basic elemental manipulation, it was still quite an accomplishment. He was now a step closer to being able to throw fireballs, and maybe even ignite his sparkles!

He was broken from his thoughts by a feminine cough. Reminded that he was in the company of others-civilians no less-Sasuke adopted a saner expression and wiped the cremated remnants off on his pants. Though he normally wasn't very wordy, the fact that he had probably scared the shit out of his crush overrode Sasuke's natural inclination towards brevity and actually forced an explanation out of him. He remembered that mothers liked boys who were polite.

"Sorry for my brutality. Training to exhaustion doesn't always get rid of anger, and sleeping on hard earth tends to put me in a bad mood."

Seeing Her Hotness gazing up at him from where she had fallen, Sasuke couldn't help but play the hero card in hope of some poon.

"They didn't hurt you, did they?" He asked, offering Tsunami a hand up which she hesitantly accepted.

"No, not really. Thank you for saving me."

"Just doing my job, ma'am."

"and hopefully, you become my "Job" soon."

A smile briefly flickered on his lips as he thought this. Damn but that woman was hot! He barely resisted watching her ass as she returned to her house. He had work to do at the bridge.

xxxxx

Like Sasuke, Naruto had also trained until exhaustion last night. The difference between the two is: while Sasuke merely has a human's recovery time, Naruto's is that of a Jinchuuriki; something which is further boosted by Zero's armor. So while Sasuke slept in, Naruto was up right on time.

This leads us to the bridge.

The brave few who had remained to see their bid for freedom completed now lay strewn about the concrete. Some still held tools and materials in their hands, though it was uncertain if this was because they had attempted to fight back, or if they had been taken by surprise. Mist lingered as a calling card, proving unnecessary as there was no doubt in their minds who the guilty party was. As if confirming their suspicions, the mist thickened drastically.

"Seems like Zabuza's taking things seriously this time." said Kakashi, as he pulled up his headband.

"We would be wise to do the same."

Sakura nodded and began charging her buster. Naruto said nothing, drawing his saber and letting his music speak for him.

WARNING

WARNING

WARNING

Megaman Zero 3 OST: Volcano

Out of the mist came ice needles. though the ninja could easily dodge this, Tazuna could not. Sakura reacted with little thought, whipping up her buster to let her charged shot fly. The massive burst of semi-solid plasma reduced the oncoming needles to nothing and barreled on, dispersing some of the mist as its heat evaporated what water there was in its path. Before another shot could be charged, more needles came from a different angle. Unable to simply fire and forget, Sakura was forced to shoot each one out of the air with her quick but weak shots.

Unfortunately, while her accuracy was up to the task, her speed was not. A few needles got through. They would have hit her, had Naruto not blocked them with his saber.

"I'll block. You counter." He stated. Without giving her a chance to answer, he brought his saber around to destroy another flurry of frosty pain. Knowing that their hidden assailant was too smart to stay in place after taking a shot, Sakura let off a wide spread of pellets in the general area of where they had been, hoping to get lucky.

Seeing that his students were holding their own, Kakashi sent a water clone dashing into the mist before sinking into the bridge. Zabuza's mist didn't reach underground, after all. Hopefully his copy and his students could keep him occupied enough that Kakashi could get the drop on him.

There was a lot of movement up above. As large as Tazuna's bridge was, it was still an effective limiter for the combat, restricting maneuverability. Sakura's tactic of spraying bullets in their assailant's vicinity was effectively keeping them on their toes, forcing them to dodge the unblockable projectiles. It was a bit double-edged, though, as his clone couldn't really attack while focusing on dodging.

xxxxx

There was a change in the fight. In an attempt to escape the stalemate forced by Naruto and Sakura's teamwork, Zabuza's fake Hunter-nin was using their impressive speed to get close enough to melee Sakura. That plan hinged entirely upon the assumption that Naruto wouldn't be fast enough to switch from countering the most recent barrage of needles (aimed at the red swordsman himself) to keep Sakura safe. The nin had timed the throw so that the two of them would arrive at the exact same moment. It was a pretty good plan, but Zabuza's tool hadn't accounted for something.

Though he might not profess to be a hero, Naruto was still one selfless bastard, especially when a cute girl that he happened to like was in need of some saving. Sure he noticed the needles, but that wasn't important. What was important was the masked figure dashing towards Sakura with intent to do some serious harm. Next to that, the needles were nothing. Naruto took them full in his side, as he pivoted to nail Sakura's attacker with a rising slash. The masked nin was obviously not expecting Naruto to so blatantly disregard his own well-being, as they hadn't entirely dodged that saber strike.

With twin clinks of porcelain on concrete, a familiar face was revealed.

"Haku?"

Sakura turned to face him.

"You know her?"

Naruto nodded, speechless after his initial outburst. For her part, Haku just smiled softly.

"I didn't mean for you to find out, Naruto. If I'd had my way, I'd've been nothing more than just another notch on your bedpost."

Naruto's face changed to match his armor, while Sakura reacted less favorably. "WHAT?!"

Without waiting for a response, Haku leapt out of the way as a water dragon from Zabuza flew straight for them.

"Shit!"

Sakura thought for a moment that they were both screwed. She didn't have a charge shot ready to evaporate it, and wasn't sure if it would work even if she did. They couldn't grab Tazuna and have enough time to dodge, and Naruto's sword was totally flat, so a slash from him wouldn't split it wide enough to miss them. Hoping for the best, she braced for impact.

Then, the water dragon burst against a sudden mob of shadow clones.

"Huh. I keep forgetting he can do that." She muttered, before bringing her buster to bear on Zabuza. Seeing her point her weapon at him, Zabuza dodged left and took Kakashi's fist to the chin as he popped out of the bridge.

"SHORYŪKEN!"

Kakashi didn't know why he had shouted that, only that he had felt a profound sense of rightness when he did. This feeling of wellbeing was destroyed however, when the newly airborne Zabuza burst into water.

As awesome as the uppercut was, it had some rather nasty hangtime on it. Coupled with the fact that Kakashi lacked Naruto's bullshit ability to control his in-air trajectory, and he was pretty much a sitting duck for Zabuza's retaliatory strike. Though he was able to whip out a kunai and block, falling onto a bigass sword with naught but a funky-looking knife between you and slicey death isn't the type of experience one can emerge from unscathed. Kakashi received a gash along his leg for the trouble, and was happy to get away with just that. Staggering back, he filed the badass uppercut next to the Chidori under "cool, but risky"

xxxxx

Fighting ninjas in fog is widely considered to be one of the least fun things you can do, but what's worse is when the ninja you were fighting suddenly stops attacking, and you're left alone in the mist growing steadily more paranoid. Had he been considerably more foolish, Naruto would have been inclined to boast that the failure of the water dragon had scared Haku off. He could tell this wasn't the case though. Haku hadn't run away; she had merely backed off to come up with another plan and to find another angle. This was not a soothing thought, and the tension in Sakura's stance told Naruto that she had thought of it too. They were both on edge, straining their senses to their limits to try and be ready for anything. That was their mistake.

When someone strains their senses, they are not widening their focus as they may think, but narrowing it to react to what they expect. This is often the reason why nobody looks up in combat; they are expecting an attack from behind, and completely ignore whatever might be above them. Naruto and Sakura were expecting a barrage of needles headed straight for Tazuna, so when a dome of frosty mirrors began to form around them, they were caught a little off-guard.

Already on a hair-trigger, Naruto reacted without thinking. Straightening up, he turned and planted his boot in Sakura's chest, knocking her into Tazuna, and throwing both out of one of the quickly closing gaps between the ice mirrors.

xxxxx

Sasuke arrived at the bridge to find Sakura and Tazuna picking themselves up off of the concrete, with the former rubbing a boot mark on her chest. Kakashi and Naruto were absent, but the clash of metal on metal gave an indication of where they might be. Moving quickly, Sasuke arrived at Sakura's side to help her pull Tazuna to his feet.

"Where's Naruto?" he asked.

As if just being reminded of it herself, Sakura's eyes widened as she nearly dropped Tazuna.

"He's trapped!" she said forcefully, turning and whipping out her buster before running over to a dome of ice mirrors that had been hidden from him by the fog. Sasuke let go of the now upright Tazuna's hand and ran after her.

Sakura reached the mirrors first and began beating at the closest one with the butt of the buster. The ice was thick though, and weathered the assault without a scratch. With a scream of frustration and worry, she backed away from the mirrors and brought her buster to bear. Thinking quickly, Sasuke forced the barrel down.

"Stop! You might hit him!"

She tried to wrestle the muzzle back up, making surprising headway.

"Let go! I'd never hit him!"

"He doesn't know it's coming though! He can't see you!"

Angrily, she turned on him.

"Then what do you suggest I do, leave him in there? Fuck no! I'm not abandoning him!"

He leveled a grade "A" Uchiha Glare at her for daring to suggest such a thing.

"Let me try and melt through."

Still glaring back at him, she lowered the buster reluctantly and stepped back. Sasuke turned to face the mirrors. Beyond them he could hear the harsh rushing sound of Naruto's dash, as well as what seemed to be the rattle of heavy hail on concrete. He took a deep breath to focus, then ignited his hands and pressed them to the ice.

At first he was worried that his flames weren't hot enough, but after a second or two, he started to feel some give. Encouraged by this, he pressed on; forcing his blazing palms deeper into the block of ice, ignoring the lukewarm water running down his arms and focusing only on reaching his friend.

xxxxx

Naruto was experiencing some difficulties. Though the red sections of his armor was resisting Haku's frozen senbon, it had been quickly discovered by both of them that the navy blue parts of his guise were little more than skintight fabric, and were easily penetrated by the wicked slivers of winter that landed there. He had taken some hits to his legs already, crippling his speed. Though earlier dashing had been an effective way to dodge Haku's attacks, his numbed muscles took that option off the table as Naruto had no desire to experience a stumble while moving so quickly. All he could do now was stand and guard, and even that was proving difficult as Haku's needles were launched from all directions. Naruto was forced to take several hits that he would've rather avoided just to ensure that no needles hit his arms. Naruto knew that he was screwed as soon as he couldn't swing his sword, so all of his limited mobility was employed to keep that from happening.

Naruto lurched sideways, dodging a few senbon to his left as he tilted his saber to catch more needles headed towards his right shoulder. Seeing needles heading towards his face, he bent his head down and took them all on his helmet, flinching as they bounced off. He shuddered to think of how this fight would have gone if he didn't have this armor to protect him.

"I need to focus more on my own skills when this is over. I hate having to rely on tools just to measure up!"

Naruto grunted and swiveled in place, wincing as he took more needles to his side. This was a battle of attrition, and with the way things were going, he'd lose if he stayed defensive. He could attack, but with Haku attacking from all directions and his legs weakened, an offensive effort wasn't really a viable option.

So his choices were to either make a severely weakened attack and probably take some hits he couldn't afford, or to stay on the defensive and keep getting hits he could afford until he couldn't anymore in the hope that either help came, or Haku ran out of juice. Between the two, defense was obviously the better option, and the one he should choose. But he was Uzumaki Goddamn Naruto! Recklessly stupid attacks were his bread and butter.

Abandoning his defensive stance, Naruto made a mad dash towards one of the bottom mirrors. He made it a few steps without feeling anything but the screams of his punctured muscles fighting cold and injury, and the pain of ice scratching bone. Obviously Haku had been expecting him to take the smart option and keep fighting defensively. She had paid the price for false assumptions, but the reprieve wouldn't last long. Naruto had seen how fast she was, and she was likely lining up a shot right now.

Unlike Haku, Naruto had guessed correctly. On his third step, a needle bounced off his shot had been hasty. She'd been surprised by his movement, but he couldn't expect the next shot to be so sloppy. He gained more ground though, thanks to her mistake.

The next shot came closer, and sank into his right thigh. He kept moving nonetheless, carried on by momentum and stubbornness.

The final shot hit its mark, but it was too late. Though the needle pierced his right shoulder and left his sword arm numb, Naruto was close enough to retaliate.

Whipping his body around, the power of physics did what Naruto could not, and carried his arm up and around for a spinning slash. The plasma edge cut through the block of ice at head hight.

Naruto's graceless attack had left him off balance, and he had to take a few steps while completing his spin just to stay on his feet. This brought him around in time to see the chunk of ice hit the ground empty, and a shocked Sasuke standing behind it; his hands were burning and blood was trickling down from behind his horizontally sliced headband. He had just a moment to take in that scene before he felt two needles bite into his neck, and he succumbed to darkness.

xxxxx

As Sasuke watched his best friend fall, he marveled at how little he felt. He expected some sort of emotional response from this, but he was conspicuously numb. Maybe that's what happens when you lose your family.

He felt a spark then; an ember re-ignited that swelled fast. That's right, he was going to invite his team to live in the compound with him after this.

His eyes drifted down to Naruto, laid low on the concrete. He had been the one most looked forward to, and the one most likely to accept. Sasuke felt blood drip from his eyebrow, and heard Sakura scream in rage. That would never happen now. He had gotten there too late, and his best friend, his brother, had died. He thought back to the night of the massacre, and this time he saw Naruto among the corpses. And as buster fire flew over his shoulder, that ember of wrath blossomed into an all-consuming flame.

The world slowed down.

xxxxx

Sakura was pissed. Naruto was dead, and he had died for her inadequacies. She wasn't fast enough to escape on her own, so he had to sacrifice his own chance so he could save her.

This was not what she wanted.

Letting out her emotions in a scream, she brought her buster to bear and started shooting reflections, blowing holes through mirrors as all her shots landed without fail. She had accuracy, but she needed more speed.

Only a few mirrors were left, and Sakura stepped forward and pointed her buster at them, squeezing the trigger while tears left warm tracks down her face. As she pulled the trigger on the last mirror, Haku dropped out, letting the ruined dome shatter as Sakura's final shot flew off into the sky. Blinking angrily through tears, Sakura leveled the barrel at Naruto's killer.

Then, Sasuke moved.

xxxxx

The fox stared down at the boy.

"You know you're not dead, right? Just unconscious."

No response was forthcoming, so Kurama tried again.

"So you can totally go back out there and save your friends. Hell, I'll even give you some of my power! Heal you up, good as new. Wouldn't that be fun?"

Naruto looked up at the physics-defyingly huge fox.

"I probably just lobotomized Sasuke. I can't go back out there! What if I hit Sakura next?"

"That was the Uchiha, right? Don't worry about it. That's the main reason why I'm being so nice right now. I hate those guys!"

Instead of cheering up, Naruto just glared.

"…High five?"

"No."

Kurama sighed and laid down, placing his head around Naruto's level.

"Look, if you're worried about hitting the girl, just don't use your sword! You have fists and feet, don't you?"

"Doesn't matter. I'm not fast enough."

The great fox chuckled.

"Don't worry about that. Now get going."

With that, Kurama began pushing his chakra into Naruto's system. Naruto disappeared as the needles in his neck were pushed out and melted by the burning energy, leaving the fox alone again.

xxxxx

Deep within the armor, something stirred.

xxxxx

Sakura whipped the buster away as she saw Sasuke lunge for Haku. She hadn't pulled the trigger yet, but she wasn't taking any chances.

For his part, Sasuke was doing his level best to either burn or eviscerate his target; throwing blazing claw strikes with a kind of vicious determination that he had never shown in front of his teammates. He wanted to deconstruct this girl in front of him in a manner similar to the way he wanted to deconstruct Itachi: slowly and painfully. He was pleased to find that—though she was faster than him—his new ability to predict her movements made dodging her counterattacks much easier. She was also beginning to wear down, as he had started to scorch her clothing. It was only a matter of time until he could reach the skin beneath.

From what he could see of her eyes beneath the mask, she knew that as well as he did.

His chance came with Sakura's. She had finally found an opportunity to take a shot that wouldn't hit him, and blew out a chunk of the concrete where Haku had just stepped. As the girl stumbled, Sasuke swung his blazing hand on a collision course with her unprotected side.

Then Naruto roared and the mist blew away.

xxxxx

Three things were revealed by the sudden clarity.

First was Naruto, covered in an orange shroud; his armor looked black beneath the bubbling chakra.

Second was Kakashi; his lightning-covered hand fortuitously stopped inches from Zabuza's chest.

Third was Gato and his army of misfit minions, all looking shocked to have their dastardly plans revealed and temporarily rewarded with the title of the Unluckiest Motherfuckers in the World.

They had this title because Naruto was awake, healed, filled with the wrath of the nine-tails, and happily grinning at his new flesh-piñatas.

As the thump of mangled bodies, the squelch of organs being pulled from chest cavities, the crackle of bone, and the sizzle of boiling flesh filled the air, all of the ninjas present decided to sit this one out just in case their interference stopped him from fully venting whatever murderous rage had overcome him.

Inari showed up with the villagers just in time for a healthy dose of mental scarring and night terrors.

xxxxx

"So what was that?"

Naruto did his best to give no indications of discomfort while his teammates were giving him the third degree. They were staring at him expectantly, and though Sasuke looked just as coolly dismissive as always, Sakura's expression alone brooked nothing but complete honesty. Behind them, Kakashi leaned against the wall of the room they had been staying in while Tazuna finished work on the bridge. He was pretending to read his book, but due to the nature of the secret that was in danger of being exposed, he was paying rapt attention.

Naruto knew there was no way he could lie about this. His actions against Gato and his men had been wildly out of character, and the chakra cloak they had seen him in was so obviously separate from the armor that even the thought of suggesting such a connection was ludicrous. He had no choice but to come clean.

Naruto took a deep breath to fortify his resolve, and began.

"The Fourth didn't kill the Kyuubi. Chakra can't be destroyed. All he could do was seal it away, and the seal he used killed him."

Sasuke was silent, but Naruto could see from the subtle widening of her eyes and loosening of the muscles in her face that Sakura was starting to get it. He spoke quickly now, like he was trying to finish talking before she could finish thinking. He was scared of how she would react, but though he knew how smart she was, he still wanted to make sure she reacted to the truth.

"Something like a scroll or a vase would break, and an adult would just die. He needed an infant to be the vessel, the younger the better."

Naruto couldn't help but shut his eyes as he forced this final truth out like it was an admission of guilt.

"I had just been born, so he chose me."

He waited in darkness for their answer, acutely aware of every tiniest piece of time that passed in that black-and-red tinted silence.

The quiet was broken by movement, and he felt gentle fingers pull the helmet from his head. He opened his eyes to see Sakura placing it off to the side before leaning in to give him a hug.

Naruto froze, unsure of what to do. Having felt him tense up, Sakura leaned back but kept her grip.

"I've known of you for a good bit of my childhood, and I've known you for over a month now. This isn't something that just happened, this has literally been with you since birth. Nothing has changed. You're still the same person to me."

Sasuke grunted.

"How dumb do you think we are?" He asked.

Naruto grinned and pulled Sakura back into the hug before extending his other arm towards Sasuke and gesturing for him to join.

Sasuke gave him a flat stare and stayed put. Then Kakashi planted a boot in his back and kicked him into the group hug, where Naruto and Sakura's arms snared him. Embarrassed and hoping to god that Tsunami didn't come upstairs right now, Sasuke acquiesced. Truth be told, he was glad nobody in his new "family" had died. He'd never tell them that though. He wasn't nearly in touch enough with his emotions to properly express that without feeling mortified.

"This never leaves this room." He growled.

"Whatever, dude." Was the unanimous response. That was probably the best he was gonna get.

xxxxx(the night before departure)xxxxx

Sasuke was awoken in the middle of the night by the sound of someone trying to be sneaky. They were placing their feet down softly, and seemed to know where the creaky floorboards were, but they weren't stepping on the balls of their feet, so their heels were still making noise when they touched the floor.

The footfalls were too far apart to be a child's, so that meant the person had to be an adult. There was no tapping noise, so their feet weren't calloused. It wasn't Tazuna or any of the fishermen in the village. Most of the women here did a good bit of manual labor themselves, so that ruled them out too.

Trying not to get his hopes up, Sasuke cracked open an eye to see if his suspicions (and dreams) were true.

Tsunami was in the doorway, obviously hesitant to try and sneak into a room of sleeping ninjas. Smart woman.

Sasuke fully opened both eyes and sat up. Tsunami let out a quiet "eep!" and jumped a bit—a rather jiggly jump, he couldn't help but notice—and Sasuke surreptitiously checked to see if that had woken his teammates.

They were still out. Obviously, they weren't as used to sleeping with one eye open as he was (thanks, mild paranoia!). Sasuke slipped from his bedroll and crept over to Tsunami on soundless feet, showing off a little on the way.

Once he reached her he closed the door. She motioned for him to follow, and the two crept off.

Inside the room, Kakashi was awake. He had woken up before Sasuke, and watched the whole scene unfold. Cheering his student on, he shut his eye again.

xxxxx

Tsunami and Sasuke sat on the edge of her bed. The lights were on in her room, but they were left dim to be unobtrusive.

"Or maybe to set the mood." thought Sasuke. "Please let it be that."

Tsunami shifted a bit, and the poor boy struggled to keep his eyes off the skin her bathrobe exposed.

"So, are you leaving tomorrow?" she asked. Her voice was soft, but not a whisper.

"Mmm." he grunted, before remembering his manners. He passed it off as him clearing his throat.

"I mean, yes. The bridge is done, so now our mission is too."

Her hotness nodded and shifted again. Her movement had loosened the bathrobe a little bit and exposed more skin.

"I'll be sad to see you go. You're such a nice boy, and so cute too~"

"…thanks." Sasuke said, having some trouble with the foreign word and fighting down a blush. Tsunami giggled softly at his shyness.

"No, thank you. I don't know what would've happened to me if you hadn't been there. Well, no. I do know what would've happened, and that just makes me even more grateful that you saved me."

Sasuke forced himself to act humble, saying: "I was just doing my job."

Tsunami grinned and leaned closer, placing her right hand on the back of his left as she did so. Her other hand was placed next to the other for stability, the new position opening the top of her robe to show a good amount of cleavage.

"Do you think I could be your job?"

OH.

MY.

GOD.

Sasuke turned his head and looked her dead in the eyes.

"Remember your manners!" Urged one part of his brain.

"Fuck that!" Screamed another, and Sasuke agreed.

"Come here so I can get to work."

xxxxx

Naruto and Sakura had no idea what the hell was going on. They had spent the last week doing what they had been (falsely) hired to do, and guarding the bridge. Though originally contracted to guard the bridge for three weeks, now that there was no need to work in secrecy and fear, the pace of construction had sped up enough to allow for an early departure.

So now here they were, ready to leave, but Sasuke was missing. They had agreed to meet on the mainland end of the completed bridge at eight, and it was confusing and vexing for Sasuke to be late; he was normally so timely. His teammates were understandably worried (well, Kakashi wasn't, but he had some ideas about why his third student was so tardy).

"Hey, you don't think he tried to get some early morning training in and lit himself on fire, do you?"

Sakura scoffed.

"No. Even if he'd burnt off half his skin, he'd just wrap himself in bandages and show up. It's one of the reasons why I've also been looking into medical training: genius or no, that boy is just as much of a doofus as you."

Naruto snickered a little.

"Alright. So what's the other—."

"There he is!" Sakura interrupted him. Naruto looked up to see Sasuke approaching from the Wave side of the bridge. There was something odd about him though. Naruto squinted to get a better look.

"Oops. Sorry Naruto, what were you trying to say?"

"I was…uh…is he skipping?"

Sakura whipped her head around and scrutinized the distant figure.

"No, I think he's…strutting. I've never seen him do that."

"I think he's smiling too."

"Wait, what?"

Kakashi started giggling and quickly whipped out his book to hide the rest of his face from his students. This was just too damn good!

Sasuke finally reached his teammates, who moved aside to allow him the middle spot. He stood grinning between them before noticing that he was being stared at from both sides. Apparently he had been given that space so they could study him better. Schooling his expression back to his customary stoic indifference, Sasuke offered up the kind of half-assed explanation that would've made Obito proud.

"Had to finish packing."

"Yeah, packing it in!" he thought with a smirk and a euphoric giggle. Naruto and Sakura, who had at that point been turning away, immediately spun back to stare at him incredulously.

"…let's go." he offered, unable to think of a passable excuse for that one.

"Well hold on," Kakashi pointed to the other side of the bridge. "Looks like the townspeople want to say something."

Every villager from Wave had showed up on the other end of the bridge with Tazuna's family at the fore and were walking towards them. Team Seven waited patiently for the slow-ass civilians to reach them. When they did, Tazuna—who had become the de facto mayor—stepped up and spoke.

"First, we wanted to thank you guys for everything you've done for us."

Naruto grinned and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Don't worry about it. We were just doing our job." This earned another snicker from Sasuke and, oddly enough, Tsunami.

"No, that came second. The first thing you did was far more than what you were asked or should even have been expected of you. We're super grateful."

Naruto and Sakura grinned widely. Sasuke hid a smile by looking away.

"Unfortunately we don't have anything much to give you as we're only starting to recover from Gato. Still, you will always be welcome here. We wish you good luck, and safe travels."

His piece said, Tazuna stood back as Tsunami stepped forward to give them all hugs. She moved from Kakashi to Naruto to Sakura, with Sasuke on the end. When she reached him, she whispered in his ear.

"You I'll miss the most. Don't be a stranger, honey. Okay?"

Sasuke's face went blank as something went *click* deep in his head.

He quickly shifted his grip so that one hand went on her spine while the other arm wrapped around her midriff. Then in one smooth movement, he spun the still-leaning woman into an impeccable dip before kissing her deeply for three still, quiet seconds.

Then he spun her back around and let her stagger back into the arms of a very surprised Tazuna as he turned back to face his team.

"Let's go."

As Team Seven departed for Konoha, Tazuna looked first to his heavily blushing daughter, and then back to the townspeople.

"Well, that just happened."

OMAKE: Naruto and Kurama's first meeting

"Hey, kid."

Naruto stared up at the massive fox in total silence.

The fox stared back down at the boy.

"Stop staring."

"Sorry. I've just never seen anything as big as you before. It's pretty impressive."

The fox rolled his eyes briefly. He'd definitely had this conversation before.

"This just goes to show that the human brain is terrible at thinking, and was probably originally invented to cool blood."

The fox leaned it's head down to be closer to Naruto's level.

"Size isn't impressive, it isn't even amazing! Have you ever seen a turtle? Turtles are amazing! Big shit is old hat. You live on something big. Space is full of big stuff. You know what space isn't full of?"

"…turtles?"

The Kyuubi nodded.

"Turtles."