Title: After

Pairing/s: Vaguely KakaMina.

Disclaimer: im so bitter about the naruto ending tbh

Summary: Kakashi meets Naruto for the first time.

A/N: This has been lying around forever because I'm not 100% happy with it, but it's been months and I'm clearly not gonna edit it any further so oh well. With Naruto being done and over with I figured I should probably post my last main headcanon about Kakashi.

Sarutobi Hiruzen liked to think he knew when he'd been beaten. It was the mark of a ninja, to recognize the difference between victory and defeat, which one was plausible, which one would end with blood and bodies neither side could afford. And no, Konoha's Third Hokage was by no means a pessimist—and yes, the Kyuubi had been defeated, Konoha had been saved, a new Jinchuuriki was safely created.

But today Konoha had been completely and utterly beaten.

Sarutobi contemplated the sleeping child in the crib. Whisker marks. He'd heard of Jinchuuriki taking on characteristics of their bijuu before. The new Sand Jinchuuriki was born with the dark circles of a racoon around his eyes. In that case, the bijuu had been forced into the child before the boy was even born. In Naruto's case—in this child's case—Kushina had been the previous host. Naruto had his father's hair, his mother's eyes. But for every bit that he was their child, he was also the Kyuubi's child. Born of a monster, to contain a monster.

No family would take him. Sarutobi's own wife could barely stand Naruto.

They'd all lost something today.

"Come in already," Sarutobi called out after a moment, not lifting his eyes from the infant. "I know you're out there. You've been there for at least six minutes by my count."

Seven, actually, thought Sarutobi as the thin, hollowed-out fourteen-year-old stepped cautiously into Minato's office. He waited to be corrected. No correction came.

To say Kakashi didn't look well would be the same as saying Konoha was beginning to recover. Kakashi's eyes had sunken in and his hair was damp with sweat. His ANBU uniform was covered in blood stains—not all his own, Sarutobi noticed with narrowed eyes. Before Kakashi could speak, Sarutobi said flatly, "You went after him."

"I—"

"You were specifically ordered not to, Kakashi."

The boy's eyes widened. Good, was Sarutobi's first thought, because there weren't words for how frightened he'd been when he'd first seen that blank, expressionless face earlier today. Kakashi had been recovered—unconscious—from the woods this morning by ANBU guards, and Sarutobi had nearly mistaken the boy for his father in his final days. Expression was good.

"I assumed those orders were for the more inexperienced Chuunin," Kakashi said quietly.

"They were direct orders, Kakashi," Sarutobi said. Something inside the boy seemed to snap at those words.

"Orders that didn't make any sense!" exploded Kakashi. "I've been in a war, Sandaime! I've been killing people since I was seven years old! My whole team has!" Had, thought Sarutobi, and hated himself for it. "I'm a Jounin! I'm in ANBU! I have risked my life countless times for this fucking village. Obito was old enough to die for this village. Rin was old enough to die for this village. So why not me? Are you telling me you let your children fight wars for you, but when it comes to protecting the only people they have left, you—"

"Kakashi." Sarutobi grabbed the boy's shoulders and held them firmly. "The orders to not get involved were for you specifically."

Kakashi looked broken. "Why?" he whispered.

"You said it yourself," replied Sarutobi. "You're old enough to die for this village. And he didn't want you to die."

Kakashi shook his head. "I should've. I should have died. I should have—"

"You wanted to die. You knew you wouldn't be able to save him. You wanted to die with him, that's why we couldn't let you go, and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Kakashi." Sarutobi closed his eyes. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I was supposed to protect him!" Kakashi continued raggedly. It was the most Sarutobi had ever heard the boy speak, and he didn't seem intent on stopping anytime soon. "That was my job, that's my uniform! I became ANBU to protect the only thing I had left, and then I wasn't allowed to. I—I—" Kakashi broke off and dissolved into deep, shuddering breaths. Sarutobi wondered what—if anything—was keeping Kakashi from falling apart in front of him. It certainly wasn't Minato.

"He's not the only thing you have left," said Sarutobi suddenly.

Kakashi gave a bitter laugh. "What, Gai? Asuma? They're good teammates, but they're not—"

Sarutobi gestured at the crib.

Naruto had been sleeping soundly for the last hour. Having a monster forced inside you would be exhausting for anyone, let alone an hour-old infant. Slowly, Sarutobi guided Kakashi to look down at the sleeping child.

Kakashi stared at Naruto for a long moment.

Then he began to cry.

The sobs ripped through his bony spine, heaving his shoulders up and down. Kakashi, Sarutobi learned that day, cried softly, but shook violently. His tears were less weeping and more quick, shaky breaths, and Sarutobi didn't know whether to give him space or pull him close.

"He looks like him," Kakashi whispered, and that was all Sarutobi needed to hear.

He put his fingers in Kakashi's fine, tangly hair, the way he'd seen Minato do countless times before. "Yes, he does," he murmured.

"I thought—I thought—the monster that killed him is inside this stupid baby. I thought—"

"You thought you could hate him."

Kakashi shook his head mutely. "He looks like him," he breathed. "The monster who killed him—"

"His name is Naruto," Sarutobi said. "And he's your sensei's son."

"He's—"

Beautiful, Sarutobi finished for the boy in his head. Kakashi couldn't look at something of his sensei's and not think so. Sarutobi sighed and let his hand slide down Kakashi's neck.

"There's a monster inside him, yes. A monster that killed your sensei." (your father, your mentor, your everything.) "But Kakashi—Minato is inside Naruto, too. In his thoughts, in his actions, in his face, in his heart. And you were in Minato's heart more than anyone else when he chose to make you stay. He loved you. He wanted you to live."

Kakashi looked at Sarutobi through red eyes. "Is that why you called me here?"

"I wanted to talk to you about your ANBU status."

Sarutobi watched as Kakashi swallowed. Nodded. Drew a deep, shaky breath. "I think…" he began. "I think… I joined ANBU to protect him, because the ANBU exist to protect the Hokage. And you—you're the Hokage now, aren't you?"

Sarutobi nodded.

"I… I know you don't want me to stay in ANBU. He didn't even want me to join to begin with. But I had to. And now…I think I have to stay. Because you'll be taking care of Naruto, right? I'm not—I'm not old enough to, yet." Sarutobi was reminded of his earlier words. Old enough to die for this village. He hated himself.

"I will take care of Naruto for as long as I can," Sarutobi allowed.

"Okay." Kakashi nodded again. "Then I'll stay in ANBU. To protect you. So you don't die. So you can protect Naruto."

So I can protect him, Sarutobi finished, the unspoken words crowding the room. He sighed. "Alright," he agreed. "You can stay in ANBU. But you will take care of Naruto, when the time comes. He's your sensei's son. He's yours more than any of ours."

Because you were his family. Because you were his.

Kakashi hesitated. "Sandaime-sama, do you think—do you think he—"

Sarutobi smiled. He hadn't smiled for a long time now. He couldn't remember the last time he'd said something that was good.

"Yes, Kakashi. He knew."

owari