Barnes was surprised that the sights sounds and smells around him weren't far too much. There were children screaming everywhere while the adults yelled over their noises to be heard. Every bit of machinery made its own sort of jarring noise and towered over him almost intimidatingly. Dozens of different foods aromas filled his nose, combining with the smell of the ocean and hundreds of bodies odors. It truly should have been really overwhelming, but something about it made him want to smile.

'It means something to you, that's why.' James reminded him gently.

"What do you want to do first?" Barton asked suddenly. "I bet there is an ice cream parlor somewhere around us; we can get the ice cream thing started?"

Barnes stopped his surveil of his surroundings and glanced over at the shorter man and then nodded. "Yeah that sounds good. I really want to know what it tastes like."

"Like frozen heaven."

"That good?"

"No exaggeration!" He grinned broadly and began to guide the brunette through the throngs of people to a cute little building with bright colored signs. "You'll love it!"

Their entrance was accompanied by a small dinging bell and an explosion of color. The expected overwhelming feeling began to creep up on him and he shifted awkwardly.

"Why don't you take a seat?" Barton suggested. "I can get some flavors for you to try?"

He nodded mutely and moved to one of the plastic booths, dropping himself onto it, his eyes keeping trained between the exit and Barton's back. He tried not to sit perfectly still, knowing that it wasn't something people did. He found it hard to fidget or fiddle with something though and hoped that no one noticed his rigid posture.

He didn't have to wait long at least, since Barton came back a moment later and slid four little cups filled with three different equally little scoops of ice cream in each one.

"Alright buddy, I got you lots of options. This one has the generic strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate."

He stared down at the cream circles and tiny pink spoon before picking it up and sticking a bite of the vanilla into his mouth, followed by the other two.

"Vanilla is too boring, Strawberry is sort of strange, and chocolate is really sweet but good." He recited once he was done.

"Alright!" Clint said happily and then pushed another container closer to him. "This one is vanilla spiced up! Snickers, birthday cake, and cookie dough!"

He tried each and then stared at them for a second. "I liked the snickers one. The birthday cake and cookie dough were too, something." He answered, unsure on how to explain his feelings on the other two.

"Kinda super sweet and raw?"

"Yes! Exactly."

"Yeah that's what mimicking raw flavors will do." He replied smiling. "What about these three? They're similar to the strawberry. Cherry, lemon ice and orange sherbet."

He tried them all and then shook his head vehemently. "Cherry is strange too and the lemon and orange are too sour."

"Not a fruit guy! Got it!" He handed the final container over. "If you liked the chocolate it's a good bet you'll like these ones too. Chocolate fudge, peanut butter chocolate, and rocky road."

He smiled after trying those ones. "I liked them! The rocky road one is the best."

"Awesome! A favorite ice cream! Would you like more?"

He only hesitated for a second before enthusiastically nodding his head. Barton gave another huge grin and momentarily disappeared before coming back with a huge cone filled with the chocolate ice.

"Here you go! Feels really nice having a favorite ice cream again, huh?"

"I don't know if I had one before?" He replied, savoring the taste of the chocolate. "I don't think we had much to splurge on a cone of ice cream."

Barton shrugged. "Oh well. Having one now though must be nice at least?"

"It is." He smiled. "Thank you Barton. You're being a lot kinder and far more helpful than you have to be."

The archer waved it away and gave him a serious look. "Nonsense man. I told you this morning, helping you makes me happy! Also, seeing you recover memories is fun."

He returned the serious look and pulled his attention completely away from the delicious food. "Not all of them will be fun you know. A lot of it is going to be pretty awful."

He received a somber nod in return. "It's inevitable with the past you've had. It'll suck yeah, but will be helpful in the long run right?"

"I hope so."

He frowned and Barton shook his head. "None of that now though! We're in an amusement park! Let's have fun!"

He nodded in agreement and glanced out the window beside him, a food cart with a bright umbrella caught his attention and he gave a tentative smile. "Would you believe me if I told you I didn't remember what hot dogs tasted like?"

Barton laughed. "Well not now! Now I think you're just being a shit." His tone was light and teasing and caused a full smile to spread on Barnes's lips.

"Yeah I might be."

"Come on super soldier; let's get you a hot dog!"

'They're that much!' James's appalled voice resounded through his head as Clint paid for the food. 'Used to be able to get them for ten cents!'

"They always this expensive?" Barnes asked as they walked away from the vender.

Barton just laughed with a nod of his head. "Oh yeah! Inflation! It's pretty bad in some places. You go to Starbucks and can pay as much as five dollars for a cup of coffee."

'What!'

"Who pays that much for coffee?" He asked, voicing James's outrage.

"Lots of people who want overpriced frilly stuff." He answered. "Hafta admit though, I do like the occasional caramel macchiato."

"I'm not going to ask what that is." Barnes stated bluntly, tossing the wrapper to his hot dog in a nearby trash can and going back to the ice cream.

"Good choice."

They wandered around for a while so Barnes could just continue to take in the changed park, trying to will new memories to the surface. They didn't stop their aimless wandering until they came across a little girl crying. She was pointing at a large teddy bear above a shooting game complaining that it wasn't fair they wouldn't give it to her brother.

Barton stopped then, startling him as the blonde man walked over to the vender with a large grin to the young child. "Here let me try and get it for you."

Barnes watched in surprise as he handed money over for a rifle and then shot a perfect game, delighting the little girl as he handed over the largest bear there was.

"Thank you mister!" She cried happily, hugging his legs and then running off with the three times larger than her bear in her brother's arms.

"No wonder you're one of Earth's Mightiest Hero's. Hawkeye, defender of young girls."

Barton grinned and shrugged. "Felt bad for her. I know how rigged carnie things are, didn't want her to miss out. Besides, I'm sure you would have done the same thing."

"Before maybe, but just now I just really wanted her to stop crying."

He smirked and gently nudged him with his shoulder. "Hey maybe that's why I did it."

Barnes rolled his eyes. "Don't try and make me feel better Barton. That was a really nice thing to do, and not many people would have. Take the compliment."

"Damn you're bossy." He laughed and stepped away from the light punch the brunette aimed at him. "Gee kidding! Thanks though. I just thought it would be a nice thing to do."

"It was."

They continued their walking and Barnes pondered the other man's words. Would he really have stopped what he was doing to win some strange girl a prize? He certainly had the skill, but did he still possess the basic instinct and feeling to help someone unknown to him? Or was that something that would be permanently lost to him?

He concentrated on the people around him, hoping that something about them would invoke a reaction in him. A small toddler boy had just fallen and scraped his knee, and the first reaction Barnes had was to immediately see all the ways it could have been worse. Was that him knowing the best way to injure someone, or an optimistic outlook that at least the child was okay?

A couple was standing on the peer screaming at each other and he instantly thought that they were dangerously close to the edge. A strategic observation to subtly end their lives or concern that they were going to fall?

He couldn't tell and it frustrated him. He had once been a good man, he knew that. Someone who had seen a little scrawny kid being ganged up on and instantly thought to protect him. Did Barnes still have that capability now, or had Hydra turned his caring nature into a twisted sort of huge benefit to them? Maybe being able to recognize others in trouble so easily had given him a huge advantage as an assassin? The thought disgusted him.

'You're an idiot Barnes.' James's tone was annoyed. 'How could you be any sort of monster when the thought of being one terrifies you? Do you have any desire to kill any of them?'

'No.' he answered honestly. 'But no one is telling me to.'

Before he could think it through, he turned to Barton and spit out, "Barton, tell me to kill those teenagers."

"What!" The archer halted their movements, his hand instantly clutching Barnes's arm. "The hell Barnes?"

"I don't know if I would try or not. I don't personally have any desire to kill them, but what if I was ordered to?"

"If Alexander Pierce walked up to you right now and told you to kill me, would you?"

"No."

"There you go! He was your handler, if you would disobey him, I have no worries you would anyone else."

He frowned. "But I look around at all these people and I see dozens of ways they could be killed, countless sniper perches, ways that disasters could happen."

"I do too." Barton replied gently. "That's not because of what Hydra did Barnes. That's because you're a sniper. Because you've been in war. Every time I leave my apartment I think of all the ways someone could be targeting me, or the people around me. I strategize what to do if I was attacked without even thinking of it. It doesn't make us bad people."

"It's normal then?"

"Absolutely." Barton nodded his head in the direction of a group of children standing under a sign held up by bright colored ropes. "One well aimed shot and those ropes are gone and the kids trapped, or worse. I see it because I have used the technique before. Because I know it's possible."

He supposed that made sense. And if he really thought about it, both Barton's and James's statements were very true. He didn't want to be a killer, was afraid of being a monster. Maybe that really did make him a good man? Or at least a man with the capabilities of becoming one again?

He moved his eyes around again, once again looking for a normal reaction, when he had a completely different response. A young man had just stumbled off of the Cyclone and to the closest garbage can to be sick and suddenly Barnes was no longer in Coney Island, but a frozen cliff.

"Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone?"

"Yeah and I threw up?"

"This isn't payback is it?"

"Now why would I do that?"

It was like he was reliving it, sliding onto the train, fighting the Hydra men and then lifting Steve's shield. He felt the impact that sent him flying out of the train, could feel the cold metal burning into both of his flesh hands and the brutal wind rushing through his short hair.

He could clearly see Steve's terrified face and the feel of his gloved hand as his fingers barely brushed them. The scream of his name and screech of tearing metal were deafening and then he was falling.

He felt the excruciating agony of his arm ripping from his body and he howled in pain, crying out desperately for Steve as his body sunk into the snow. Cold seeping in around him. So much cold.

It was the full complete memory of what should have been his death. He was fully reliving it in excruciating detail and once again he repeatedly prayed for his Captain, prayed for the pain to end, prayed to be found.

He gasped and shuddered violently, opening his eyes he hadn't even remembered closing to find himself curled on the dirty ground with Barton standing protectively over him. He faintly noticed people around them staring but paid them no mind, reaching up to grasp the other man's shirt tightly.

"Get me out of here Clint. Please I'm begging you." He whispered desperately.

"Sure thing buddy, come on." He was lifted to his feet and escorted away from the park, his body instinctively moving as his mind was numb.

Why did his first full memory have to be that? Why did he have to relive his last seconds with Steve? Relive his last moments as Bucky Barnes before any other moment of his life? Why did he only get to know pain?