This is my very first story, so I would like to dedicate it to:

-Abracadebra, for writing the reply to my question in Forum XIIIc that inspired this humorous poem!

-konarciq, for being the first to welcome me to the Hogan's Heroes fandom, her work on the Papa Bear Awards, and writing great poetry that inspired me to develop Abracadebra's paragraph into a poem, instead of a story!

-Kamkats, for being a great friend, encouraging me on my quest to start the "Hogan's Heroes Teen Fans" forum, and taking the time to read my entire profile and comment on it!

-LittleMissSpitfire and AllTrekkedUp, for the fun and friendship they've contributed to the Hogan's Heroes Teen Fans forum!

-Shire of CollieandShire for her prayers, giving me AllTrekkedUp's name, and being a great friend!

-All of the Hogan's Heroes FanFiction authors and forum-ers-I've really enjoyed stalking you for the past 5+ months since I discovered FanFiction!

My apologies if you find the following poem a little corny or the rhyme scheme a little choppy. I wrote it mainly to be humorous and entertaining, not to be a great literary masterpiece or love story. And, as many of the FanFiction-er's are fond of saying: when it comes to the original Hogan's Heroes characters, I own nothing, nothing! ;)

After the liberation of Stalag 13,

Louis "Louie" LeBeau realized there was much of the world to be seen.

He wished to see the United States.

Finally, it seemed there would be fulfillment of his dream-

An old friend named Andrew Carter offered to pay his airplane rates!

Now Carter came from North Dakota-

LeBeau, however, arrived in Minneapolis, Minnesota

For that was the nearest airplane station.

For LeBeau, the experience was very exciting.

It was the first time he set foot in the American nation.

He waited and waited at the airport, but Carter didn't come.

Finally, he received a phone call from his old chum.

"LeBeau! I'm sorry, but I'm in the hospital, for I've been injured in a car wreck.

I won't be able to pick you up.

So that you can make the trip, I'll have to send you a check!"

[Although, if he was in Great Britain, he would send a cheque. . .shut up, narrator! Let us continue. . . ]

Louie was extremely concerned for his friend,

And told Carter, "There is no reason for you a check to send!

I can find a way to get there on my own-you don't need to worry about me while you're on the mend!"

Carter then assured LeBeau that he would be okay-

He would only be in the hospital for a very short stay.

Well, no airplane came closer to where Carter lived the Minneapolis, you see,

So LeBeau rented a bicycle built for three. . .

[CUT! Even if this is meant to be funny, that's going too far for the sake of rhyming!

*Ahem.* So,]

No plane came closer to where Carter lived than Minneapolis, you see,

So LeBeau thought, "Now I'll have to take a bus-

But I don't have money for a ticket-what a bother!

About this time, he ran into

A beautiful woman named Mary Lou.

She saw his plight and said, "Soon I will be picked up by my father!

You can ride to my hometown-LeMars, Iowa, with us;

Dad has plenty of room for two!

It's very expensive to take a bus!"

So in LeMars LeBeau met the entire family of Mary Lou-

Her mother, father, and brothers few.

Mary's Lou's family invited him to stay for supper.

The entire Iowan dining experience was completely new.

But, the food was better than he thought,

Because, for his sake, Mary's mother made chicken cordon bleu!

Mary Lou's family paid for a room for LeBeau to stay in at a local hotel,

In fact, the whole family treated him unusually well.

But, to complete his trip, Louis needed money,

for being stranded in a strange nation isn't funny.

So he applied for a job at the LeMars ice cream parlor and factory, the Blue Bunny.

The man in charge of hiring at the Blue Bunny said,

"You haven't been in this country long-how do I know you'll work?"

LeBeau replied, "That's true.

But one thing I can promise you.

My duties I won't shirk!"

The man in charge of hiring said, "That's a lot, hearing a promise like that from you.

The last man in your position was a real jerk!"

LeBeau replied, "You can be sure I'll do my best while working at Le Lapin Bleu."

Well, Louie LeBeau found he liked Iowa, but oh, how he detested the unusual food-

It was almost enough to ruin his good mood!

"These people have no taste in fine dining!" he inwardly exclaimed.

"They eat plain corn and pork-

With tasteless food like that, why do the even bother to eat with a fork?

And their taste in dessert is no better-oh my!

It seems all they ever eat is pie, pie, pie!

And then LeBeau observed the food of some of the ethnic groups in Iowa-

Oh, how strangely they did eat!

They dined on spicy pizza, and lefsa, and sauerkraut, and had hundreds of ways for fixing potatoes and hamburger meat!

The more time Louis spent in America, the less it seemed the nation's ways of dining agreed,

For in the Southwest, people ate hot peppers and beans combined in a dish,

But in the East, the people preferred shrimp scampi and fish!

Almost all of America seemed caught up in this culinary unrest.

"If this continues," LeBeau though,"Their patriotism may be put to the test!

America's eating habits simply must unite-

They mustn't be so divided over the culinary delights!"

There was only one food Americans agreed on, or so it seemed-

Because practically everyone liked ice cream!

Well, LeBeau may have found much of Iowa and America's cuisine truly appalling,

But it was though his disgust he was to find his true calling.

LeBeau had settled into his new job at the Blue Bunny quite easily-he wasn't, after all, a lazy louse-

And with the money he earned, made a down payment on a house!

Everyone could tell

That the work at the Blue Bunny factory and ice cream parlor suited Louie quite well.

But two things always remained true.

For one, LeBeau always insisted that the Blue Bunny be called "Le Lapin Bleu."

And for another, his fondness continued to grow for Mary Lou.

Soon, LeBeau began to rise in the Blue Bunny company ranks,

And the factory began to churn out enough ice cream to fill whole milk tanks-

[HOLD IT! You don't put ice cream in milk tanks! Well, nothing else rhymes. . .]

Louie realized this was the food everyone would like that he had been looking for.

The company was flooded with business galore!

All of America-indeed, all of the world-was begging for more!

His work at the Blue Bunny was certainly not a bore.

One thing was for sure, Louie realized one day,

His return to Europe would have to be held at bay.

There was something important that to Mary Lou he must say.

So one fine day,

Louis LeBeau got down on one knee,

And said, "Oh, Mary Lou-

Will you marry me?"

She replied "Yes! I would love to spend my life with you!

You know my love for you is true!"

So finally the wedding day came.

LeBeau's groomsmen were Newkirk and Kinkchloe and Carter, the old Hogan's Heroes gang

(For who better than Carter to make things happen with a bang?)

But, there were more groomsmen too,

They were the three brothers of Mary Lou

Named Lenny, Leo, and Logan.

"But who was the best man?" some may ask of you.

Well, it should be easy to guess from the first group's slogan,

That LeBeau's best man could be none other than his former commanding officer, Colonel Robert E. Hogan!

But Mary Lou and Louie scarcely had a chance

To settle in their little Iowa home,

Before LeBeau was promoted to be the Blue Bunny ambassador to Europe, especially France!

"So what happened to them once they settled there?" you may ask to know.

Well, Louie was promoted to the position of being Blue Bunny's CEO,

And in time, Mary Lou and LeBeau

Came to have four children-Sabine, Martine, Maxine, and Jethro!

So now I have told the story to you

Of how our favorite little Frenchman's life

Was changed by Le Lapin Bleu.

Although I do live in Iowa, I've never been to LeMars; neither have I studied the Blue Bunny company. All of the above statements (about them having a European ambassador, etc.) are fictional.

The statements about how people eat in Iowa, however, are based on fact, but some of it is exaggerated for purposes of humor.

The characters of Mary Lou, Sabine, Martinez, Maxine, and Jethro were created by Abracadebra. She wrote the paragraph that inspired much of the plot of this poem, including having LeBeau call Blue Bunny "Le Lapin Bleu"-I haven't the slightest skills in French!