Disclaimer: I don't own The 100

It hadn't left her mind. Not since she had walked out of Lexa's tent, not when she had stopped the Commander from acting out on… something. Her feelings? That couldn't possibly be. Worse Clarke didn't know how she felt about it. So many questions ran through her head every second since she left and almost all of them fell back to brown hair and green eyes.

Green eyes that stared at her with… something.

Shit. Her fist clenched, those eyes really were going to be her downfall. Fuck this.

Of course Clarke had seen Bellamy's signal as well. She had been there when the start of the attack had been given a go. She was happy, truly she was. It had been a temporary relief from the thoughts of Lexa; it was progress to rescuing the friends she so desperately needed to see. At the same time it was a boulder that settled on her chest.

She was scared. Undoubtedly so.

Clarke had never been in a war. She only knew brief moments of battle and bloodshed despite how much she had seen of it. She was not disillusioned that people would die. People from both sides would fall to never get back up, to never breathe again. This wouldn't be like games where you were stabbed someone, but not truly so because it was just pretend. It wasn't real. And again she thought of Lexa. She would be at the front of it all. She was Commander and she had to be. She chose to be.

Because she was strong.

The Sky Princess thought back to when her lips had met hers. It had been such a shock and it had felt like all the air had completely left her lungs. Her mind was blank with the feel of soft lips on hers. She had always imagined them to be hard like the woman she had come to know in what? A month? Is that all she known Lexa for? It felt so much longer than that. It had felt like a lifetime that she had known Lexa of the ground.

Clarke could still feel her hand on her face. The soft way her fingers had gripped her hair and stroked her cheek like nothing else existed. The way her lips moved against her own. It was the way Lexa softly bit her lip with her eyes closed that had Clarke entranced. It was what made Clarke sure that her heart was going to explode right out of her chest.

Explode into fireworks.

No. Those were bad thoughts. Clarke couldn't allow herself to think how good it felt. She couldn't think about the fact that Lexa was her anchor. She is what kept her grounded when gravity wanted to pull her away.

And she just didn't understand that. The inexplainable draw that the Commander had over her. No one had ever had this effect on her. Finn surely didn't. And she had cared about him, but he hadn't felt inevitable. She hadn't felt as if whatever happened they would always end up back to each other. That's how it felt with Lexa. That they were inevitable.

But she had said she wasn't ready. Clarke had been the one to pull away, not Lexa. She told her she couldn't do this. Not yet. Why had she said that? She should have left it at I'm not ready and left. She should have walked right out of that tent head held high and heart calm. And yet she hadn't. And she had told Lexa not yet rather than never.

Not yet. That meant maybe. That meant Clarke actually considered this. Blasphemy.

She was crazy. Nothing was inevitable and nothing was a not yet. Everything had to be war and never. That's what it had to be right? Right.

The flap to her tent opened up. "We're leaving Clarke." Octavia said.

She looked over eyes wide and caught off guard. It was really time already. It's not like she hadn't known. Her ears had heard the chants. Clarke had already known that Lexa was preparing them. Cheering them on for the battle ahead like any valiant leader would.

Octavia had come over to her and wordlessly helped Clarke to prepare. They said nothing. Clarke was still unsure exactly what to say to her. Octavia was still angry and she didn't understand what had happened at Tondc. She hadn't expected her to, but she could only hope that one day she would.

She couldn't keep losing friends.

"I can't forgive you."

Clarke said nothing and continued to pack the small bag of weapons to her right on the table despite the small hurt she felt. She would take whatever she could with her, whatever would help to keep her alive. Because that is what was most important.

"I can't forgive you yet because I don't understand." The brunette said watching the Sky Princess. "But I'm trying to because Indra knew to."

This made Clarke pause for a moment and look up to meet judging eyes. She hadn't forgave herself for Tondc and the 250 lives that she had murdered, but she also knew she could no longer dwell on that no matter how much it hurt.

Lexa taught her that. She grimaced at that unwilling thought.

"You're trying to understand because Indra told you to?" She asked with slight confusion if not a bit of irritation.

"No." Octavia bit. "I- I want to understand because we're at war and you had to make a decision. You had to do what was best for the war, for all of us… and for my brother."

Clarke stared at her for a moment before simply nodding her head and taking the comment for what it was. Maybe she wouldn't lose a friend.

"I'm sorry for what I said before. I was angry."

"You have every right to be." Clarke said closing up her pack and standing up. She holstered the gun she had in the back of her jeans. She remembered holding a gun to Nykon's head as he had tried to murder Octavia. The way she had run and prayed that she had made it in time to save her friend. "But this is a conversation for after we win the battle and get our friends back."

Lexa had ordered that attack to. She had been ready to kill in cold blood. That should have been rationalization enough for Clarke to not think about the girl. When she had given Clarke no other choice but to murder Finn it should have been enough not to ever think about her. When they had murdered 250 people she should have hated her.

And yet she still didn't.

Octavia nodded in acceptance. "Then I guess it's time to go to battle." They walked out together and it was only moments before they were joined by packs of warriors in a crowded forest. As far as the eye could see, grounders and sky people alike were marching to battle. Clarke was marching to battle.

She couldn't stop her blue eyes from searching. She couldn't stop them from searching for green eyes and brown hair. Octavia shook nervously beside her and without a second thought, Clarke slipped her hand into hers holding tightly. They could be nervous together. They could be scared together.

Whatever happened before this in the past didn't matter. Not right now. Because they both needed a friend.

Blue eyes still searched and then they froze. She had found her. And it was fascinating. Lexa stood near the front marching on with Indra by her side. Her presence was domineering as she led with more authority than Clarke thought she had ever seen. She fell into the role of Commander so easily.

Her reverie was broken when Octavia leant into her side whispering softly into her ear. "Go to her Clarke. I'm sure she could use a friend to." The blonde whipped her head around and stared bewildered at her friend. Did she know? She couldn't.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She said defensively. She wasn't ready.

And yet behind war painted eyes, she saw encouragement. "We don't know what's going to happen. If you want to say something to her now this might be the only shot you get."

Clarke opened her mouth to protest more. She was not ready. She had said as much in Lexa's tent.

"Don't waste the time you have." Octavia said before freeing her hand from Clarke's.

The blonde had no words, but when she felt a playful shove on her shoulder from Octavia her body moved. She told it to stop, told her feet to walk back to her place next to Octavia. She shouldn't be doing this, but her feet pulled her closer and closer to the Commander.

It was hard enough to keep her body from running into full on sprint. The pull was so strong and she couldn't fight it. Would Lexa die in battle? Would she make it back? Could this really be Clarke's last chance to say something?

She pushed through grounders not caring what they thought. She was sure if any of them had tried to stop her she would have taken her gun out right there and shot them. God, she was such an idiot. She could feel the rush of adrenaline pumping through her entire body. It was unbelievable.

And finally she was right there. Her hand grabbed Lexa's and the Commander had whipped around so fast seemingly preparing for a surprise attack. She was always on her guard. The surprise in her green eyes as she saw Clarke was overwhelming.

They both stood there unmoving. When Indra had noticed she stopped to, but everyone around them kept moving. They kept on heading to war.

Clarke licked her lips and tried to think of something to say as their hands lay joined together in the air between them. She had to say something intelligent. Good luck?

"Clarke?" Lexa's voice came out low and questioning. The things it did to Clarke.

Her mind raced through all the thoughts she had in her head. Not here.

Blue eyes disregarded her and immediately went to Indra in question. The brown woman rose an eyebrow in question, but nodded her consent. And that was enough to have Clarke moving again. Her feet carrying her again without a destination in mind, but fully conscious of Lexa's warm hand as she dragged her along.

The Commander so utterly confused was dragged along easily. "Clarke!" She called out trying to keep her façade as Commander up as they weaved through people. The blonde saw some of the looks they received, but none of them were important. None of them as important as Clarke searched for somewhere.

And finally after a few minutes they were alone. Clarke could still hear the war calls of the army marching, but only the smokes of flame could be seen. She moved to the closest tree and pushed Lexa up against the rough bark separating them. There needed to be space between them. It wasn't safe to be close. She really didn't know what she was doing.

Her eyes roamed Lexa's face. There was no anger in them just confusion. Now was the time to say something. She had to say something.

"Clarke what are we doing?" Lexa finally asked breathless with her green eyes watching.

They were so beautiful. She had the most beautiful eyes Clarke had ever seen. Even with the funny looking war paint that she wore. The Sky Princess looked at all of her, Lexa was beautiful. She could feel her heart pound against her ribcage. She felt as if she couldn't breathe anymore.

She licked her dry lips and opened her mouth to say something. Anything really at this point.

Lexa after watching for a moment longer stood and straightened herself out. She frowned a little bit Clarke noticed. "We don't have tim-"

"Stop talking." Clarke finally said breathily before stepping forward and closing the distance between their lips. She cupped the side of Lexa's face and reveled in the softness of it. She pushed the Commander of the grounder army up against the tree and melded their bodies together.

It wasn't soft like it was in Lexa's tent. It wasn't gentle. It was fearful and passionate and it was everything Clarke couldn't find the words to say. She pressed their bodies as close as they would go, but even then it wasn't enough. Clarke was so desperate for her to understand.

Because for the first time Clarke realized why Lexa was her inevitable. Lexa made Clarke feel alive. She made Clarke breathe. She is the only thing that made sense anymore in the chaotic sea of the ground. She was Clarke's inevitable.

And it was only a moment that Clarke saw confusion and hesitance in Lexa's eyes before she reciprocated. When she felt Lexa's hand leave her sides and settle on her waist and around her neck. Clarke only pulled away when she could no longer breathe, but she never left Lexa's embrace.

Her forehead rest on top of her's as she could feel her ragged breath along her cheek. Clarke kept her eyes shut not wanting to open them. Not sure if this was real because if it wasn't she wanted to stay here forever.

Her next words were pulled from her throat and she knew what she had wanted to say. What she had to say before they left for war. She had to say them in case anything happened because Lexa had to know.

"Be safe."

Blue eyes opened to find green ones staring back at her. And it wasn't the Commander that stared at her, it was Lexa. It was the woman underneath the hard façade that knew there was more to life than survival.

"I will." Was her two word promise. Her voice low and husky and it made Clarke warm in places she didn't have time to address. But Clarke needed more than that.

"No." She said rubbing her thumb across Lexa's lip. "I need you. So damn it Lexa be safe and come back to me. Don't do anything stupid, don't be a hero or something. Be safe and come back to me." It was selfish. She didn't deserve to ask this from her, but she had to.

She didn't want to make a decision for her people or for this war. She was tired of having to think of other people and their needs. What about her? She wanted to make this decision for Clarke. When this was all over she wanted something for her. She wanted something to come back to.

Lexa looked at her and Clarke couldn't describe the emotion that played like fire in her eyes. She moved her lips right over Clarke's and hovered their only momentarily. "I promise to come back to you and only you Clarke of the Sky People."

Clarke smiled and Lexa claimed her lips. It wasn't the passionate hungry force it was before. This time it was soft and gentle. It was smooth and caring. And Lexa bit her lip and begged for entrance and her hand traveled the expanse of white skin in promise. She claimed Clarke in every which way that she could in that moment knowing they didn't have time.

And Clarke believed her. And she knew that Lexa would do all in her power to come back to her, to come back to this. So that they could figure this out together and that was enough. Her heart calmed and Clarke pulled away with a small laugh on her lips.

The smile on Lexa's lips made her more beautiful than words could describe and as much as Clarke wanted to continue she knew they were out of time. It was okay though. Everything would be okay. She grabbed Lexa's hand and intertwined their fingers before slowly walking back to where she knew the army would be waiting.

They would be waiting for their leaders to sound the call of war. To tear mountain men limb from limb and command death like a god. It was a somber moment and Clarke was still afraid, but with a warm hand tightly gripping hers she chose not to think about it.

She still had a few seconds of a dream she hoped never ended.

A/N: So I really couldn't help myself after last night's episode. But I hoped you enjoyed the little one-shot and I hope you guys are as excited about the upcoming season finale as I am. This is going to be kinda awesome. See y'all

Chasing Fantasies