Chapter 4: Fatal expressions.

AN First of all: I'm sorry for taking so long to update, there was a lot of factors that played into that, one of the main ones was college, I only graduated a month ago and to say that the past year was a year from hell would only be a fair description that and the fact that I had a not so loving relationship with arrow season 4 that put a damper on anything concerned with arrow fanfiction. But as I promised I won't abandon the story ,hope you can hang in there with me but sadly I can't promise the next update soon because even tho I finished my bachelor in law I have an admission exam to be able to start my masters so pretty much everything in my life is going in freeze mode until after I passed that so wish me luck.

PS: Most of the chapter was written while I listened to the Grounder Anthem from the series the 100 so for those who watch the 100 you'll probably have an idea what's waiting for you, LOL.

Lastly a dedication: She's a marshmallow, I want to thank you for giving me hope into writing again without even realizing it.

-I don't own Arrow- No beta: all mistakes are mine- Now that's out of the way, onto the chapter shall we? ;)

Felicity sat motionless, it all happened so fast and in the same time agonizingly slow. She saw how the life went out of her friend and couldn't do anything about it, it was the same all over again and she couldn't believe that she had to live through such an experience again. The situation was simply too much, she couldn't find it in her to move or to respond to Oliver's pleas desperately shaking her focus back to the room where Maria's lifeless body was, were Maria was murdered. She knew exactly what happened, they killed her, they always staged their murders perfectly to make it seem random but that was never the case, every single move they made was calculated and served a certain purpose, so that left the room for one question: why kill an innocent like that and in that exact timing right in front of her eyes.

She suddenly felt a wave of sleepiness clinging to her and she knew that she should've fought it but the exhaustion from the past few minutes was relentless but so was Oliver's voice in her ear,* baby just answer me, are you okay?* Oliver asked her, and she seaw in him what only her could see, confusion written all over his face, barely keeping it together yet he never stopped talking to her, never stopped the physical contact and just like that he guided her back to reality because she had to protect him, If they were coming than she was the only hope he's got, and Carl 's words came back to her, she was the only hope anyone's got.

Laurel rushed to the room stunned by the scene in front of her, stunned even more by the tortured look on Felicity's face, she called for the officers to take the poor girl to the morgue to start the official proceedings and maybe figure out what made the girl drop dead in the span of seconds, Just moments later a technician came to see the reason that sound erupted in the room.

But Felicity couldn't wait a second later, she stood leaving, barely knocking Laurel out of the way, she need it to talk to Carl, she needed a plan of action, she needed to deal with Oliver trying to stop her demanding to know her train of thoughts, God Oliver! The danger he's in! What can she do? she thought to herself, she felt panic threatening to take her again but she wouldn't let it and the only way for that to happen was to be away from Oliver, from the personification of everything she wanted in life and could lose so she did the only thing she could, she snapped at him "Oliver just let me be, I just had the most horrifying experience of my life- that would be a lie- and I can't have you smothering me, I just… I just need to clear my head so would you for the love of GOD just leave me alone" Oliver looked at her like an alien and she couldn't blame him, she could clearly see the hurt in his eyes with her bluntly rejecting him trying to comfort her . He'll recover, she unsuccessfully convinced herself before storming off leaving Oliver standing in the streets wondering what the hell he did to lose felicity like that.

Felicity settled on a bench in the park, head between her hands staring at the ground, finally she lifted her eyes and laid back against the bench patting herself on the back for managing to stop crying enough to face the people enjoying the beautiful weather around her, she texted Carl about fifteen minutes ago and he still hasn't showed up and considering what happened this morning her worry was exceeding with every passing minute.

She simply couldn't collect her thoughts, it was all so blurry. Why they would come back into her life just when she felt a glimpse of hope and stability again was beyond her. Was the world really that cruel? She didn't deserve this, to have her happiness striped away from her as in repeat mode, she already lost people in her life to them and they came back to take the rest.

Oh she so wouldn't let them get away with that, she would burn every single one of them to the ground if they as much as touched a hair on her loved ones but haven't they already? Weren't Maria her friend even if she didn't have a close relationship with her? The concept stays the same, they attacked a fraction of her life even if it's a far rocked the boat, what would be stopping them from sinking it all together. She would, her eyes hardened on the spot, she abruptly stood up opting not to wait for Carl anymore and to start planning a defensive curse of action. She wouldn't leave anything to chance.

*May 12, 2009*

"Sweetie, I'm back!" Felicity shouted in hopes that her friend would be home but as she suspected the house was dead silent which meant that Lily has taken Jaiden to his basketball game so she had the house all to herself for a couple of hours. Felicity plumped to the couch in her living room, looking around she felt a sudden tightness in her chest, ever since moving in with her best friend she simply couldn't imagine living alone ever again.

Meeting Lily was a blessing Felicity was thankful for ever since she met the elegant blonde, a complete opposite of her with her signature dark hair and the even darker style of clothing. Lily was ten years Felicity's senior however that did not affect their relationship at all, somehow Lily had an ageless aura around her that engulfed the people lucky enough to be in her orbit, whether they were older than her or younger, something about her always closed the gap.

Having lived her life with a single parent who worked almost all the time to provide for her, Felicity bitterly knew what loneliness means, her higher intellect was always an obstacle for her communicating with her peers whom split in two categories really, one that hated her and let their insecurities run the curse of their relationships and the other one that was genuinely nice to her but simply couldn't catch up with her and eventually drifted away. Her childhood was far from normal and yet she never knew what she was missing until she found true friendship, it made her look back to all the time lost with remorse, made her shake her fist at the unfairness of the world, why did she have to endure such emptiness?

Lily filled her life with laughter, hope, beauty and most of all evolvement. She pushed Felicity to be better especially considering she was an even more of a genius then felicity was and kept challenging her to finish at the top of her class, to finish college a year early, to never give up on life no matter what. Felicity always admired the woman's strength that let her carry on raising a child alone along finishing college after going through a painful split with the father of her child, someone that betrayed his wife after eight years of marriage at the time she needed him the most, letting her grabble at life from her hospital bed sick and fragile.

Felicity came to see Jaiden as her own, the only reason she wasn't there at his practice was the fact that it was at the same time as her exam and she thought that she would have a little bit of rest after she finished it, maybe some sleep. It was the finals before she could officially call herself a graduate having her masters at the age of twenty, it was almost surreal and made all her pain and struggle seem worth it in the end.

But who was she kidding? She wouldn't be able to shake away her uneasiness until both the mother and son were right in front of her eyes. The past few months were a true hellish experience, she almost lost them. She gulped at the memory, shaking her head willing the act to swipe away any resident picture of them under the grasp of the evil that threatened them for almost two years.

Even though they walked away from the situation almost unscathed, having fought off an international crime organization wanting to claim your intelligence for the service of her own evil agenda and reconciling with your estranged father along the way. Felicity felt that something was wrong.

At first they wanted only lily however when felicity intervened trying to save her friend, both of them became at the center of the bull's-eye but they saved themselves, they created the super virus and got rid of them once and for all or that what she hoped for with all her might. After all, living in a world that's dominated by computers, hitting that aspect of their operation is more than enough to cripple their advancement, and to make sure they never appeared in their lives again.

But still a cold shiver ran through her every time she thought of H.I.V.E., almost like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe because it hasn't been long since they were truly free, and such a small period weren't enough to untangle yourself from the ramification of such an experience, to feel safe in your own skin again. Sometimes she felt like the entire situation has been nothing but a cruel joke in the shape of dream with that bastard watching her, laughing at her, mocking the very notion of her ever escaping him and then she found herself choking, an invisible hand was squeezing off her air supply, as if he was nourishing off of the life he was escorting out of her.

Were they truly free? She forced her eyes to examine the peaceful state of her house, she closed her eyes just for a second as of archiving the picture in her mind and said aloud "maybe, just maybe it's over". She realized then that sitting alone obsessing wasn't going to stop the slippery slope that her thoughts were leading her towards and decided to head over to the court where Jaiden was playing because seeing him as he scored a point to his team, buffing his chest like he was on top of the world as sweetly as any other twelve year old would, was the only thing that could have made her dare to believe that they were in fact alright.

Felicity made out the place of her friend by the bleachers the minute she stepped foot on the playground not that it was hard to recognize the giant sign that said *Jaiden is my rocket boy* but her screams cheering him on even though the second quarter of the game hasn't even started would have been more than a clear indication.

Jaiden's team won the game that day, it was the first game his team won since he joined so Lily decided that such an achievement deserved a proper celebration. They hopped in Lily's car driving in the direction of big belly burger, Jaiden loved the place and admittedly the three of them were starving.

Felicity looked at the giddy grin plastered on the boy in front her biting enthusiastically into the food in front of him and she couldn't sustain herself from taking him twenty years ahead, seeing him graduating college, having a family. Her eyes watered then holding a silent wish that she'd be in his life when that happened.

Lily noticed the change in felicity's features, she reached to her squeezing her shoulder and smiling affectionately. Lily was all too aware of Felicity's fear of letting her guard down, hell she wasn't able to do that herself despite all the façade that she put up for both Jaiden and Felicity's benefit since she knew breaking down wouldn't have solved their problems and taking a moment to hate the world and spiral against it wasn't a luxury they had. She had to keep going, there was no another way and if it included lying to herself so be it because they will get through this, she had to believe that.

Felicity relaxed at her friend's attempt to reassure her but the moment of hope and promises of a brighter future waiting for them on the other side, was shortened way too fast because just then Jaiden started coughing hysterically trying to breathe to no avail, his lungs closing up on him. His mother tried to reach him except she was suddenly freezing in place as she started losing her air supply as well, what on earth was happening?

Felicity looked helplessly as panic started gripping at her bones when she faintly heard the waiter asking if she was okay declaring that help was on its way. What help? Felicity cried out as the mother and boy drifted into oblivion.

"NO..NO..NO..NO" Felicity shook her friend harder and harder, tears clouding her vision as she tried with everything in her to keep her sight from blurring, holding on to them to engrave their picture in her memory, her soul as if only one blink and she would have lost even that. A numbness crept up all over her body pushing her to follow them, to wherever they would be going but she couldn't do that, she already promised Lily that she wouldn't give up her live no matter how dark it became and even if she didn't believe in her promise anymore at that moment, she wouldn't have tarnished their friendship and broke it then.

A letter of apology, which was all she got after her world crumbled on her head. However that wasn't the only letter she found on her doorstep that day, apparently the food that was delivered to them that time was switched with another order that requested a fish burger when Lily specifically ordered the normal hamburger considering she and Jaiden had Anaphylaxis related to seafood but yet it shouldn't have cost them their lives not like that but when you thought about it, it all made an excruciatingly amount of sense, and it was all written in the other letter with excruciating detail as well.

God, she wanted to set the world on fire just to see it burn. The mysterious letter explained that the food that was given to Lily and Jaiden was injected with high and concentrated dose of fish protein which meanwhile could probably cause sickness to a normal person, it could cause immediate death to someone with severe allergy. And just like that everything clicked like a timed machine, they killed her best friend and her son, a kid that she saw like her own. They wanted to eliminate the threat, that's freaking too bad for them then because they should've killed her along with Lily since there was absolutely no way she wouldn't be chasing them till the end of earth to make them pay.

Her breath caught in her throat at the thought, they killed Lily, why not her too. Maybe they were already gunning for her waiting for the right moment, yet didn't that moment pass already, she was also allergic to nuts and they could've served her a death recipe as well. If so what could have saved her? Or who? They could be someone trying to use her just like H.I.V.E.

Her eyes glazed at the letter in her hand, it concluded with an address and a specific time and a single phrase that boiled her blood * avenge them *. Acknowledging to herself what she had to do, she would go to whoever wrote her this letter or warning really and she would help them defeat this enemy be it H.I.V.E that's been terrorizing them for years or someone completely different, she was going to take her revenge not caring even if the help she was getting was evil in itself.

Felicity climbed out of the taxi and looked around for anything specific that could help her find the sender of the mysterious letter, she swallowed the lump in her throat. The address was actually Jaiden' school and the time was the memorial the school was throwing in his name, Felicity remembered how struck her reaction was once she read the time because only two things would drive the sender to write such a timing and that was they were either trying to offer compassion by showing that they know exactly what she lost or they were simply trying to drive their point home by aggravating her anger and need for justice. In both cases it was extremely confident of them however something in the way the letter was worded, it made her sense that said confidence came from a raw place as if they knew exactly how she would think and feel, almost as if they knew what she was experiencing.

She entered the hall, all she could think of was exactly how was she going to function enough to find her target without her mind turning to mush from all the feelings threatening to flood her, his favorite ball was put right next to his picture with flyers for allergy awareness all over the place, she looked around and saw him in every kid passing by, she saw Lily in every mother tugging her son to her heart.

Every smile in the room was theirs, every hug, every playful comment and this was a horrible idea because she was on the edge of hyperventilating when a dog crashed into her knocking her off balance. Wait what? She looked puzzled at the offending animal and noticed that the dog managed to spill everything inside the sandwich he was holding right onto her coat and God what was fate doing to her? Wasn't the concept of adding salt to injury too much in her situation?

A gentleman hurried pulling the dog away and looked at her apologetically "Sorry, his favorite game is basketball so whenever he sees an orange ball he speeds to it with all his clumsiness. Besides fish makes him really ill, I have no idea why he would take the sandwich from the counter in the first place. He's twelve weeks old still need time to be trained properly". The man finished talking having said every world staring straight into her eyes. It took Felicity a couple of seconds to gather herself trying to register what the man in front of her just said, she wanted to take his words at face value but something in his relentless stare, a silent request to dig deeper so she did and as she finished, she stuttered backward. It couldn't be yet it couldn't not be the implication in his statement were too much, was he… She had to make sure.

"Where is the puppy's mother?" she finally asked, returning his stare at him.

"Dead, even though I tried to save her but the dog shelter cornered me with time so I was only able to save her friend from termination because she was ten years younger" He replied with a sad expression. "Would you like to see her? I have a picture in my pocket she has this really beautiful blonde hair"

She looked at him baffled, did he just mention her blonde hair? After Lily she dyed her hair because it gave her a sense of closeness to her friend. Could he really be the person who sent her the letter? and if so why wouldn't he come out to her? Why all the cryptic speech? Were they somehow followed? Or worse bugged? She decided than to play along. His words wouldn't give a definitive affirmation but she knew what would, she thought while passing her hand on the stain that was planted on her coat thanks to the dog earlier.

She asked him one question "I hate fishy stains I would like it very much to sanitize my coat, would you help with that"

An icy grin appeared on his features as he answered her "If your ultimate goal is to sanitize your coat, then you've come to the right person" there it was, that deep desire in his eyes that confirmed the thirst to rip the hearts of everyone that ever wronged them and the glint of misery that gives way to rage and desperation all at once. He was as angry as her, as empty as her and he was the one. "By the way, my name is Carl Zado. What's yours?" he finished sticking his hand out to her for formal greeting.

*Present day*

Oliver wanted to smell blood on his hands, he wanted to hit something so bad that he couldn't keep his palms from fisting, he felt like he was about to crawl out of his own skin, he wanted to wipe that smug smile off of the person heading towards him with confidence like he owned the conversation before it even started, Oliver could feel dishonesty oozing out of this Carl person, he was almost sure that no matter what he asked him, the answer wouldn't be true despite what the Bratva code demanded.

He hated the way he left things with felicity but what was he supposed to do after she told him to get as far from her as possible? She didn't just reject his offer of help, she banned him from even communicating with her, let alone trying to put her mind at ease, he felt at that moment completely powerless, a feeling that he's been through before but never from Felicity.

Whenever they fought someone would have been to blame whether it's him –most of the time- or her but they never reached a road block because of something neither one of them had any hand in it. It's a paralyzing feeling to see the person you love the most slipping right through your fingers without any clues whatsoever why or how to stop it.

However, powerless is a feeling Oliver swore never to feel again the minute he stepped out of the island so he did the first thing that came to his mind that seemed to give even a shred of control back to him related to felicity, he contacted Carl through the information he got from Diggle and demanded an urgent meeting hence the reason said person is sitting across from him greeting him in Russian before downing the shot of vodka Oliver had placed in front of him, the latter doing the same.

"So, I doubt you're here on business because if you were I would've been notified, how's starling treating you so far?" Oliver started.

"Well you are correct that I'm here for personal reasons though I doubt you'd have any idea in case otherwise." Oliver's jaw ticked at the implications the words held "And to answer your question, the city is truly wonderful just like its people even thought I don't have any friends in it I stay mainly the scenery" Carl finished.

"Is that right? Because I could almost swear I saw you today with a friend" Oliver wondered innocently. He desperately needed for Carl to slip any kind of information, he might've not knew what exactly it was that Carl was doing in the city but he knew that he did meet Felicity today no matter how much they wanted to cover the fact with their weird antic. The fact angered him, right about the time Felicity was distancing herself from him, this stranger suddenly popped in her life, their lives and he knew that Felicity was not the person that could hurt the people she cared about like that, still he couldn't help the wave of jealousy that overtook him. Just then, Carl's watch beeped and Oliver could've swore that he saw a look of guilt pass the other man's eyes for half a second.

"Oh! No, I assure you whatever you think you saw must've been a misunderstanding but I'd like to think that our meeting right now is one between friends" Carl explained and turned his head obviously looking for the waiter, having successfully located him, he faced Oliver to tell him that he'd like to settle the bill and leave except he never had the chance because the minute he faced Oliver, he was met with the latter's fist knocking him unconscious.

At the look of frustration that Diggle sent him, Oliver only shrugged "he lied!"

AN: Not much action in this chapter but I felt like it was the right time to tell Lily's story considering it aligns with Maria's as well and is the main reason Felicity is what she is in present day in my story universe. Honestly, I like to link felicity's attitude after Lily's death to the advice she gave Oliver in the show after the death of Moira to not give up his life. Also as you may have noticed that I kept cooper but pushed him to the period of felicity's life post college and linked him to the two years when she created the spider network with Carl which means he knows about the super virus and used it but he wasn't the one that created it with her, it was Lily and in consequence she transformed from Goth to blonde in honor of Lily not in reaction to him.

One last thing: Carl's fate is hanging on the balance for me right now so I thought I'd take your input so guys so in which direction would you like me to take his character?

Thank you for everyone that took the time to read the chapter, it wasn't easy for me to get back to writing fanfiction so I sinceriously hope it was worth the wait.

Till next time be safe: )

-Farah-