Chapter 30

In the back room, Sheik looks over the list of new arrivals. She groans. "We've got our work cut out for us."

Agitha joins Sheik, asking, "What do you mean?"

Sheik quickly scoots papers back into their appropriate folder and turns to Agitha. "Agitha, what are you doing back here? You should be sitting with everyone else."

"I'm sorry," the girl murmurs. "I was just wondering where Zelda was."

Sheik sighs through her nose before inquiring, "Is everyone becoming impatient?"

Agitha nods. "Ruto is getting ready to go home."

"Before we even start?"

Agitha nods. Sheik crosses her arms before looking at the folder on the chair in front of her. Agitha walks over to her, seeing the folder. "Hey, what's that?"

Sheik picks up the folder. She says, "I was looking over these and deciding what we'd need for the next meeting."

"Refreshments?" inquires Agitha. The lack of refreshments seems to be a common problem, and perhaps it would be smart to plan to bring appropriate amounts of certain snacks. Sheik giggles before saying, "Yes, but I was referring to the extra bodies we will have to accommodate for. Tetra, Toon Link, Skull Kid, they will all be join us for our next meeting."

Agitha puts two in two together. "That means more tables!"

Sheik sighs at the thought of the obvious. "We'll need another chair for the Hyrule Warriors table, another chair for the reoccurring table, and several more tables with chairs. Wind Waker, Majora's Mask, Link's Awakening; where are we supposed to find the funding for all of this? Rupees don't grow on trees, you know."

Wait a minute… Agitha has earned hundreds of rupees from smashing pots she finds on the battlefield, so shouldn't everyone's money combined be more than enough to pay for more tables, not to mention refreshments? That, and: "Would it be easier to just buy extra chairs and rename tables so more than just one group of people can sit there?"

She has a point. Skull Kid isn't very big; surely Darunia and Ruto could scoot and make room for him. If all else fails, Ganondorf doesn't need to sit. Sheik looks at Agitha and says, "That's actually… not a bad idea."

Agitha gives a few tiny claps. "I'm glad I could help. Hey, why don't you join us for this meeting, Sheik? I'm sure Zelda would love to see you!"

That's… not going to be possible. "I'm sorry, but I'm a very busy Sheikah. I could only stay for a little bit." Agitha lets her head drop in disappointment before giving Sheik a fond 'see you later' and returning to her seat in the other room.

In the meeting room

"There. Disabled the fire alarms," confirms Wizzro, tossing the last of the broken fire alarms over his shoulder. As promised, Zant hands the wizard a long, metal fork for roasting. Volga proudly sets the flammable pile of random junk on the Twilight Princess table ablaze. Ganondorf was able to tell everyone who brought something to burn whether it was flammable or not (you wouldn't believe how many objects Darunia brought to the pile that weren't actually flammable), and Fi went to the supermarket down the block for some chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers. Inconveniently, the cashier was suspicious and asked to see Fi's ID card, so Ghirahim had to haul his carcass over to the supermarket and convince the cashier that they didn't need to see any ID cards.

Ruto and Midna have Impa tied up in the corner of the room; otherwise all of this wouldn't be happening. Agitha comes back. "AHH! What is this?!" Everyone is still. Link holds out a marshmallow and mutters, "S'mores?" Agitha instantly doesn't care that there is a fire in the building.

Everyone has had at least one sweet treat before Zelda comes in. Like an anime character, her facial expression is simply wide eyes with an open jaw upon entering the room from the stage. Lana is the first to see her. "Hey! Come have a s'more."

"Um, no! There is a fire in the building! Why haven't the fire alarms gone off yet?!" screams the princess. Ruto gladly points fingers. Zelda goes, "Wizzro?! What the freak, why?!"

"Why wouldn't I?" he rhetorically asks with a chuckle. He has marshmallow and graham cracker stuck in his teeth.

With a s'more in his hand, Ganondorf calmly states, "We aren't hurting anybody, so it must be ok."

Zelda commands, "Link, put out that fire this instant!"

Ruto takes offense. "What am I? Chopped liver?" With a wave of her arm, the fire is instantly quenched with a wave of icy water. Lana and Cia, who are on the opposite side of the table as Ruto, are completely drenched.

With the fire out, it is time for interrogation. "Whose idea was that?!" bellows Zelda. Fingers are pointed all over the place. Darunia points to two different people simultaneously. Midna points fingers at Impa. It seems that only Volga and Fi aren't pointing fingers, because Volga knows that is rude and Fi doesn't have any fingers.

Zelda is utterly disappointed in everyone, especially Link and Lana. They should know better than that. She looks at the charred table cloth and pile of ashes. With an upset groan, she says, "Aw, I had those nametags especially made."

"We burned all of the nametags," utters Zant. Ganondorf would hit the back of the Twili's head, but it wouldn't do any good because of the helmet. Zelda has to comb her fingers through her hair so she doesn't end up strangling anybody. Everyone takes the hint and returns to their proper places, assuming they remember which spot was theirs. There are no nametags to mark their places anymore.

The room is silent as Zelda finds what remaining sanity she has left.

Finally, the princess clears her throat and says, "Perhaps now we can get this meeting started." She takes another breather through the nose, but she can unfortunately only smell burnt table cloth. This only causes her great distress.

Link steps up. "Princess, would you like me to take over?" he cautiously asks. The last time he asked if he should take over was misinterpreted, and nothing good came from that. However, this time is different, and Zelda allows Proxi to lead her to her seat.

Link takes Zelda's note papers and goes for it. He announces, "As you all have experienced, we've got new misadventures involving our new warriors. They have all, in theory, been very pleasant to work with." More than one warrior strongly disagrees with that statement.

The hero continues, "We can look forward to sharing those tales with everyone who wants to hear them." That's when Link receives a literal chorus of 'no's throughout the room. The room is universally devoid of proud/happy/normal memories involving a certain 35-year-old man. He is the "he who shall not be named" of the warriors.

It is decided amongst Link that he should skip to the Q&A before someone starts a rebellion. "OK, moving on. Everything else Zelda has in her notes is stuff we already know, so cue the Malo Mart music, because it's time for questions!"

Midna's face hits the table. She mumbles into the charred tablecloth, "I hate that store." There is only one "no" that echoes through the room in response to Q&A, which is a relatively good sign.

Zelda knows there are questions for Link, so she takes over from there. She has sufficiently calmed down at the thought of Malo's Mart. Let the questions begin!

"Ok," Zelda begins, looking over her papers. "I will mostly be quoting these questions word-for-word, so I apologize if I stop to try and make sense of a sentence." She doesn't mean that in a bad way; her grammar is nothing close to spectacular, so she can't nitpick others.

"Our first couple of questions comes from TwilightPrince101, who asks 'something about the Great Fairy and why she is 'Link's Weapon'?'. I assume that makes sense to you, Link."

Link nods and explains, "When I said she could help in battle, I didn't think she would turn the tables completely. It wasn't part of the agreement to trap me in a bottle. That day she just took over, and the rest is history." Impa chimes in the following: "Her size and magic give her allies the upper hand in battle."

Zelda assumes that is all for that question. "And they also ask 'What's it like for Regular and Twili Midna to be on the battlefield at once, and also regular and young Link?'. That would be a question for Midna and Link."

Zant stands with the announcement, "I can answer that one."

"WELL NOBODY ASKED YOU, SO SIT DOWN!" screams a demonic Midna. Darunia is about to die of laughter. Zant does as told, seemingly unaffected. He is actually scarred for life, but nobody will ever know.

Like Agitha on a fine spring day, Midna has a look of innocence. She replies, "It's all weird paradox space stuff. When I find myself on the battlefield, it's often because we had the same idea and end up at the same place."

She is cut off when Link takes it from there by saying, "It's always a lingering thought in the back of my mind that the fabric of space and time will be torn. But nothing ever seems to happen, so I guess everything is ok."

Zelda smiles at her papers. "Anonymous asks 'Hey Link, how come you're the only Hero incarnation wearing a scarf?'"

Before Link can answer, Wizzro utters to nobody in particular, "I would like to know who this 'Anonymous' is, because they seem to write and say a lot of things." Volga can't help but grin whilst making a mental note to explain to Wizzro what anonymous means. So much will become clear later.

Now Link has the opportunity to answer. His chance is stolen when Impa says, "All of our soldiers are given scarves as an identification tool, especially in the winter where bright colors are easier to see. Link wears it to show his pride for his kingdom."

With that answered, Zelda moves on. She states, "The next… one, two, three… nine questions are from ultimateCCC. I hope I pronounced that right." For clarification, Zelda pronounced that as "ultimate-cuh-cuh-cuh" with hard c's. Link is pretty sure each C is pronounced as "see", but he's not going to correct Zelda. Link apologizes that Zelda doesn't use common sense, ultimateCCC.

"They ask 'Can each of the girls explain why they have a thing for Link?' Oh boy," and Zelda follows up by thinking about how to answer that question. Link is already blushing.

"Oh, that's an easy one," declares Lana. "He's Link, the guy who has single-handedly saved an entire kingdom! More than once! That's more than can be said about Volga." Volga takes a breath to say something… but what is there to say about that? Wizzro thought it was funny, though.

Cia chuckles. "That's not all, Lana. Link is a special specimen. The strong, silent type, if you will."

"Volga. You just described Volga," Lana bluntly states. But Cia continues, "Can you not see into his crystal blue eyes like clear water, Lana? The story surrounding Link is brimming with mystery and whimsy. The story of Hylia, Demise, and the hero is a deeply tragic and romantic one. Long have I wanted to insert myself into that story; his story. I want to make things right."

Lana understands what Cia is speaking of, but that is to be expected. A couple other warriors also understand what Cia speaks of. Ghirahim was interested in Cia's speech the moment Demise was mentioned.

It is Midna's turn to answer the question at hand. She nods to Cia, claiming, "You're not the only one who can see through his eyes." She has to look off the side, unable to make eye contact with anyone. "It's… weird, looking at Link and thinking 'is this really the same hero who helped rescue my kingdom from evil; the same wolf I once took bumpy rides on; the same man whom I followed so far in the shadows?' You think to yourself 'it can't be', but… he has the same eyes."

"It's confirmed! Midna is a stalker!" and Wizzro effectively ruins the moment yet again. And a good thing, too, since the same Link Midna speaks of is also the Link that ruined Zant's scheme to be king. Zant hates that Link. The current Link did nothing wrong, but that other Link.

Volga thought that was rude of Wizzro, so he takes the liberty to bonk him on the head. Midna is avenged.

Agitha has a simple answer. "He's just cute," she giggles. "He's cute and he catches bugs for me." That's all there is to it. Just wait until she meets Young Link.

"I'm just going to say that I don't have a 'thing' for Link. I think that appropriately answers the question," Impa frankly replies. Being nosy, Midna asks who she does have a thing for, to which her response is "Th-that's irrelevant."

Ruto thinks about ruffling Link's hair as she says, "When I was little, the Link from my era was a stubborn brat determined to get me out of Jabu-Jabu. He was so stubborn, and so willing to do anything that eventually it hit me; I could live with a guy like him my entire life. So I gave him the Zora's Sapphire, which was my promise to one day marry him." Then she frowns. "He still has yet to fulfill that promise! Sure, he lost his childhood, so what? A promise is still a promise."

This is news to Link. "UH…" he nervously defends. "That is between you and an old me." Ruto rolls her eyes and replies, "I know that, stupid."

When everyone looks to Fi for a reply, she reminds everyone that she does not possess the capability to love. Those who continued to look in her direction caught a glimpse of her flushed smile.

"Well," Proxi chimes in, "That was surely enough time for you to formulate an answer, Zelda." Zelda meets Link's eyes out of the corner of her eye. All she can whisper is, "I don't know." Truth be told, he just makes her happy for no rhyme or reason.

Ghirahim starts to say why he 'has a thing' for Link, but everyone frantically tries to stop him. He laughs, "I wasn't going to finish anyways. That was just my way of amusing everybody who seems to think I'm a woman."

"Maybe if you changed how you look," Ganondorf hisses, "you wouldn't have that problem."

On the verge of stereotypes, which can be dreadfully dangerous, Zelda stops everyone there. After all, there are still eight more questions from the same person, and then more. "The next question is," Zelda has to look at that again. "And I quote 'Why does Ganondorf has awesome long hair?' I assume that was a typo; have long hair." Zelda's worst grammatical error was using the wrong tense, but we don't talk about that misunderstanding.

Ganondorf thinks that's a strange one, but he'll answer it anyways. "UM… just personal preference? Hair grows over time… and I haven't had it cut in a while, so… there. What do you want, a man bun?" This generates a few laughs.

"Does this sound familiar, 'maybe if you changed how you look, you wouldn't have that problem.'?" Ghirahim mocks. Ganondorf chooses to ignore this, but only for now.

Even Zelda is giggling. But it is back to business. "Ok then. The next question asks to see Epona to say 'hi'. Well, no, because we're inside-,"

This doesn't stop Link. With a simple tune from his ocarina, Epona gallops her way into the building. The room instantly smells like horse, and Wizzro might be struggling from PTSD, but who can tell. Link gently strokes Epona's snout. He smiles and says "Epona says 'hi' back."

Ganondorf decides to pick on Zelda by saying, "What do you have against horses?" Zelda scowls and defends herself with, "I like horses; they just belong outside. With that being said, Link." Epona, disappointed, trots out of the room. She will eagerly await her master just outside, though. Oh, and Wizzro is fine now.

Moving on, Zelda is slightly disturbed by the next question, but kind of expected this. "Ok, 'Cia, is it true that you 'play with yourself' when you think about Link?'."

Cia is aghast. "Why are you asking that?!" "I-it's not me asking!" Zelda claims defensively. And the tension subsides. Cia smiles mischievously before replying, "Well, I probably shouldn't say."

Wizzro hits low territory, chuckling all the way. "Nah, but she plays with me." He just earned himself a slap from Cia and a bonk in the head from Volga, but it was worth it. Volga is very sorry anyone had to hear that.

Link pleas for Zelda to move on before anything else is said on the matter, and Zelda is happy to oblige. She edits this next question; "'Impa, how are you able to weld those bad-A swords?' Considering what was just implied by the 'wonderful' Wizzro, you'd have to sue me if I quoted uncensored what was asked. But Impa understands."

"Weld them?" Impa asks. She answers, "Like anyone else welds a piece of metal weaponry; a searing fire and no fear." She pauses, but then adds, "However, if you meant how I wield my Giant's Blade, it took me many years to be able to lift its weight, let alone swing it around effectively. I've trained myself to use its weight to my advantage, lifting me off the ground and so forth."

And moving on, "'Agitha, do you want Link as a brother'?" Zelda reads. Agitha's reply is simply, "I can't imagine who wouldn't!" There is a pause. This is interrupted by Agitha asking, "Am I supposed to justify that?" Zelda shrugs. It was a yes or no question.

Three questions left. Not in total, but of this group. "Hey, Darunia, this one is for you," calls Zelda, and the Goron chief is all ears. "'Will you always welcome Link as a part of your Tribe? What's the story of the Megaton Hammer?'"

Darunia nods. "Those are very good questions. The Goron way is once a brother, always a brother. Unless, of course, you murder one of us, or something," he replies. Link takes a note not to mess with the Gorons. Darunia continues. "And do you want the history behind the hammer itself or just my history with it?"

"It doesn't say," confirms Zelda.

Darunia concocts an answer. He smiles before saying, "Well, it weighs a megaton. Not a literal megaton, but it does weigh a lot. With the right amount of force, you could knock a mountain down with it. Ever since Link handed it off to me for safe keeping, I've wielded it proudly as a symbol of Goron might. After all, it did slay Volvagia twice. That's raw Goron right there."

"Wait, who?" Volga inquires.

"Ooo! And it works great for tenderizing huge cuts of meat. That's about the bulk of it." He sits back with a nod. Zelda asks if he's done, and Darunia says he's done. "Next, for Ruto," Zelda announces. "'What gave you the reason of falling in love with Link? Have you ever considered inducting Link as a part of the Zoras?'"

Ruto is suddenly feeling a little salty. She answers as politely as she can muster, "It's not hard to fall in love with a good-looking guy inside of a fish's belly. Just the situation gave me the reason… and Jabu-Jabu. As for inducting Link as a Zora, first you kind of have to be a Zora, and apparently he's already a brother, so whatever." Darunia stops reclining in his chair. He sits up straight and looks at Ruto with a tilt of his head, his eyes giving the impression 'and what's wrong with brothers?'

One step closer. Zelda sighs before reading, "'Midna, do you want Link to be your King because you love him no matter how much you denied it? What's the reason of creating the Twili wolves and did you named them?'" Zelda needs a nap; she's not even correcting grammar errors anymore.

"Well," Midna mutters a reply. "I'm going to deny feelings of love again, but I won't deny that I care enough to want Link to be free of the Twilight. The Twilight is our fate; a punishment." She looks at Zant. "Isn't that right?" Zant avoids eye contact with everybody. He's still in denial. Back to seriousness, Midna says, "No Link from any time deserves to be locked in eternal dusk and dawn."

Darunia leans to Ruto. "This got a little too real for me." Ruto is amused. Agitha cries, "That's terrible! I'm so sorry for you guys."

Midna gives a rueful smile to the bug princess and says, "It's alright, though. The blinding sun isn't all it's cracked up to be. Why do you think Zant wears that helmet all the time?"

Wisecracker Wizzro interjects, "I thought he wore that ugly thing so he didn't have to look at you."

Zant's fists hit the table, and he stands up. He shouts, "I'm going to kill you!" Wizzro only chuckles and retorts, "Too late for that; I'm already dead."

Zelda is going to kill someone if the following fight that occurs doesn't end in the next thirty seconds. Volga and Impa move the Twilight Princess table far, far away from the Hyrule Warriors table, but that doesn't stop Midna and Zant from tackling the wizard.

The princess of Hyrule is surprised when the problem seems to resolve itself. In a panic, Darunia picked Zant off his feet and planted his head firmly in the ground. Similarly, the pole Impa picked up makes contact with Midna's head, and she tumbles down. Wizzro enjoyed that moment until Cia shut him up for now by trapping him in ring form. It ends up being Cia who apologizes for Wizzro's behavior this time, much to Volga's surprise.

The room is quiet as those out of their seat make their way back. That's one less warrior in physical form they have to worry about. Then Lana stands. Turning to Zelda, she asks, "Would it help if I took over from here?" With a smile, Zelda steps off the stage and sits down, handing Lana the question sheet. As bouncy as ever, Lana hops onto the stage.

Impa suggests they take a break from questions, and Ganondorf verbally agrees. Luckily for them, Lana also has the poll results in hand. She declares that out of chapters 11-19, chapter 14 was the favorite. Then she remembers what that one was about. "Oh no! That was the one where I was sick! Why did everyone like that one?!"

"Well," Agitha utters. "It was pretty funny." She giggles whilst reminiscing about every phenomenon that occurred then. It was a time of great confusion, but it made for a great tale none of them will forget.

"My suffering is funny?!" cries a distressed Lana. Agitha defends, "I never said that. Just everything surrounding it was funny."

Ganondorf hisses, "We don't talk about what happened." Lana follows up by announcing that chapter 16 was the second favorite and that chapters 13 and 17 were tied for third favorite.

"Huh. I wonder what the peoples' favorite was over all," Ghirahim ponders aloud. Fi overhears this, despite Ghirahim saying this under his breath, and makes it her mission to figure that out.

Lana goes back to the questions. "Oh, Midna," she exclaims. "You never answered the rest of the last question."

"About the Twilight wolves and if I named them? Of course I named them. The wolves I use in battle are my personal pets. Shade does tricks. And I guess in terms of creating them, I don't create them; they live in the Twilight Realm, notably the forests of the Twilight." Midna needs some water, as her throat is parched, probably from giving out a large battle cry before attacking Wizzro.

With a nod of understanding, Lana flips the page. Time for a new set of questions. "These are from Sheikah Fanatic. Impa, is there someone in your tribe named Fanatic?" Lana inquires. Impa shakes her head with an amused smile. Then Lana understands the name. "Oh, ok. Gotcha. A fan of the sheikahs. Never mind. I'm an idiot."

Link is the new wisecracker. "If you're an idiot, what does that make Cia?" he asks rhetorically. Cia gives a reply herself: "Uh, a good-looking genius, that's what."

"Hey Ghirahim, 'how do you keep your hair as fabulous as ever'? I'd like to know this, too," Lana asks for both herself and Sheikah Fanatic.

Putting on an imaginary pair of cool shades, Ghirahim responds, "I'm so glad you asked." He puts his feet up on the table, reclining in is chair. "Most of it is the demon lord genetics that make me superior to begin with, however, the rest of it is all me. After every battle I thoroughly wash all the impurities out of my hair, which range anywhere from dirt to the blood of my victims. Never leave blood in your hair long enough to dry; it acts as a natural brown dye and takes forever and a day to get out. I use only the finest products the black market has to offer to keep these locks glossy. And Lana, to prevent tangles you need to comb your hair while it's wet. That prevents breakage, which I hear you have a problem with." Lana is furiously taking notes. So is Midna.

Once she is done taking notes, Lana returns to the questions. She isn't sure if she likes this next one or not. "Next question is 'Cia, if link and you ever get married,'" She is cut off when Cia says to nobody in particular "I like this person already." Lana finishes the question, "'And had a baby girl or boy what will you name it?'"

Cia hums, lost in thought. Link doesn't like how long it is taking for Cia to answer this question. Cia returns from her fantasy land to answer the question. "Assuming Link has no say in the matter, we'd have a son named Link Jr. But of course, that's the only name I can think of off the top of my head that sounds appealing. Perhaps if that dream were to become reality I'd consult the baby name books."

"And," Agitha chimes in. "What if it was a girl?"

"Oh, I don't know. Genevieve is a pretty name," Cia absentmindedly replies.

"How about William? That's a good, strong name," Darunia suggests. Ruto shakes her head. "That would be absurd for a young lady. Link's daughter should be named Spring." "That sounds like a fairy name," Midna critiques, to which Proxi isn't happy.

Lana calms the masses. "Cia answered the question, guys, and Link looks uncomfortable." The room is quiet in anticipation again. "Ok," continues a cheery Lana. "Next is for Impa. They ask 'Impa do you like Zelda? Cuz both of y'all interacted quite closely together during the war, and it also looks like both of y'all have a very close relationship.'."

Impa nods before explaining, "I have known Princess Zelda since she was young. It has been my sworn duty to look out for her safety and well-being. My relationship with her is strong, and I hope she feels the same."

Zelda smiles. "In Lana's words, we're girlfriends for life. And yes, Impa, I think our relationship is very strong as well." That just made Impa's day. However, Zant interpreted that question differently. He… doesn't have words for that.

Lana gets excited over the next question. "Hey Zelda, good news! There is a question for you! It's 'Zelda have you ever shipped anyone together? And if you did, who's your otp.'"

Zelda laughs, finally enjoying herself again. She replies, "Well, I can safely say that I don't usually think about shipping my friends."

This leaves a few of the warriors in question. Finally, Ganondorf speaks up: "What about those of us who… aren't your friends?" To this Zelda gives a naughty smile. Everyone is worried now.

This took a strange direction, and Lana is ready to get back on the right path now. But it was fun while it lasted. She giggles at the thought of her introduction of this question. "Agitha, the people are dying to know, 'what's your favorite bug?'."

Agitha's brain starts to melt. She stutters, "I-I- How could I choose? They are so very wonderful! Please don't make me choose!" Lana calms her down and explains that she doesn't have to pick just one. "Oh!" Agitha exclaims, feeling better now. "Ants are such hard-workers. I wish I was as motivated as them. And bees are great too because even though they get mad and sting you, they make flowers healthy. Praying Mantises would scare me if they were any bigger, but they understand passionate love better than Ghirahim, and that's really saying something. Butterflies are the prettiest! Poor moths wish they were butterflies, but I like moths just the way they are!" Ganondorf tells her to shut up, and that's all Agitha has to say on the matter.

Lana would let Agitha continue, but Ganondorf has a point; this meeting is running a little long. They did have the s'mores incident, and then Zant's outburst. But anyways, Lana reads, "'Link what do you think of your scarf?'"

"It's very blue," Link says with a smile, looking down at his scarf. Ganondorf gives Link a wide-eyed grin while tilting his head. "Well no duh!" Midna and Darunia think this is pretty funny and start laughing aloud. Fi shakes her head and says very monotone "I could have told you that."

Proxi whispers into Link's ear, "I think they wanted your opinion on it. Do you like it, or what?" Link nods, which is his way of simply saying that he likes it. Considering it is his symbol of Hyrule pride, he very much likes his scarf.

"'Darunia what types of rock do you like?'," Lana continues to read off questions without anyone paying attention. However, Darunia heard his name and focused on Lana for the question. When Midna's laughter dies down, he replies excitedly, "The gourmet ones!" Midna starts laughing again.

Zant is sick of these stupid responses. "Let me personally elaborate on that," he breathily says just barely loud enough for Darunia to hear. "There are different types of rocks; which kinds are considered gourmet?"

"Easy," Darunia responds. "Igneous rocks have a very smoky flavor, which my brothers and I covet. However, metamorphic rocks also have a distinct flavor that makes my mouth water if nothing else. I will say that granite has a strange aftertaste, so I don't indulge in granite very often." That answer required a little more thought, so Zant is satisfied.

Lana thinks this next question is thought provoking. "'Ruto if you had link by your side for one day what will you do?'"

"Wait, as in Link is stuck to my side?" Ruto flinches at the thought. "Gees, give me some space, dude." Lana elaborates. Ruto answers properly this time; "With Link as a body guard, I could get a little risky. You know, I've always wanted to go to a club. I wouldn't have to worry about thugs if Link was loyally at my side! Hey, that's an idea. How much could I pay you to be my body guard for a day, Link?" Fi concludes that that isn't a bad idea.

Ok, final question from Sheikah Fanatic. Lana reads, "'Midna, do you like butterflies?'"

"Meh. They're ok," Midna mutters with a shrug. That was a little lackluster, but whatever.

Lana spends at least three minutes trying to pronounce this. She ends giving up and decides to pronounce it however her eyes read it, right or not. She says, "These next two questions come from GothamPowerKaiju. First, for Ganondorf; 'why do you put up with Ghirahim and Zant as henchmen?'" Ganondorf puts his hand on his face and slowly lets it slide down. That is really complicated.

"Wait," Zant interrupts. "What do you mean 'put up with'?" "We're not that bad," Ghirahim adds, crossing his arms.

Zelda tries to cover up; "You guys are… unique. It takes a special type of person to…" She can't find the right words. Midna exclaims, "Stay sane around you guys. That's what Zelda is trying to say." Nice Midna, real tactful.

Ganondorf sighs and says, "I guess to answer the question, I put up with their shenanigans because, believe it or not, they have potential. With great power come great successes, great failures, and ultimately abnormal adventures." He pauses, giving a shrug. "I had to practice patience with them for a long time. And I don't regret refraining from strangling them when they pull through. They often do; otherwise they wouldn't still be here." Neither Ghirahim nor Zant know whether to take all of that as a complement or an insult. They stay quiet.

Lana is already giggling at the next question. "Oh no…" she chuckles to herself. The suspense is too much, so Fi says, "We cannot read your mind, Lana."

The sorceress calms herself in order to speak with a straight face. She starts, "Midna, this is for you. 'Seeing how it doesn't look like you'll be in your true form for quite some time-'" That's when Midna interrupts with "Don't get me started." Lana continues, "'Has the idea of seeing other imps occurred to you?'" She is interrupted once again, this time by her own laughter. Some of the warriors get a feeling that there is more to that question.

"Other imps?" questions Midna. "Why am I limited to imps in this form?"

"I'm not done reading," Lana adds. "They say 'I hear Skull Kid is still single.'" With this, Midna is left speechless. Like Lana suspected, she isn't the only one who thinks this is funny.

Cia thinks the situation is humorous, but not enough to laugh. It's more ironic than anything. She looks at Midna and mentions, "He's a little young for you, isn't he?" Midna nods to Cia; someone understands.

Midna is not amused. "I understand that if you Google search 'legend of zelda imps' that me and Skull Kid are the first two to come up, but that does not mean a relationship would work between us." Her cheeks start to turn a rosy pink at the thought of her being in a relationship with anybody. Some of these guys are just 'no', but that is not to say that there are no men out there that appeal to Midna.

Upon looking over the last set of questions, Lana realizes that there were no questions for her. Zelda won't admit it, but her subconscious did that on purpose. Lana sighs in disappointment before perking up and saying, "Our final set of questions comes from killerpokeball97. I would like to speak for all of us warriors when I say thanks to everyone who submitted questions."

"You're not speaking for me!"

"Anyways," Lana ignores the hater in the room. "First question is for Link- oh no! UM… 'Link, if you were gay, who'd you be in love with?" This one catches everyone off-guard. Cia defends that Link is most certainly straight, but Link answers the question confidently anyways. He says, "My type of guy is definitely Ganondorf."

Ganondorf gets up and leaves the room, never to look at Link again. Zelda isn't sure she can look at Link again, either.

To hopefully remedy the shock in the room, Lana continues with the next question… Oh wait… she can't because this next question is for Ganondorf, and he just left. Perhaps he'll come back later. Lana skips to the third question; "' Volga, what's it like being a dragon who can turn into a human?' There we go, that's not a relationship-breaking question."

With his impeccable self- control, Volga sits up straight in his chair and doesn't morph into a dragon about half the size of the room. He calmly replies, "It's an empowering experience, whether morphing from a human to a dragon or vice versus. As a human, I can relate to my opponents and allies. Yet, I never feel below them, as I can transform into a mighty beast as I wish. I understand so much, but there is much I have yet to learn." That was an enlightening answer.

Next, Lana reads word-for-word, "'Ghirahim, Why are you so Fabulous?" No editing needed.

Ghirahim swooshes his hair, smugly smiling all the way. "Truly, it's a mystery, even to me," he answers 'humbly'. Zant wishes he was as fabulous as his compadre.

Moving from one sword spirit to the other, Lana asks for the inquirer, "'Fi, since you're like a super computer, can you tell me the answer to this? This. Statement. Is. False.' Their words, not mine." A solid twenty seconds go by before Fi starts to drool. Sparks start to fly off of her, and Ghirahim moves his cape so it doesn't catch a spark and sets ablaze. Link starts to clap; "Congratulations, you successfully broke Fi."

"Isn't it obvious, the statement is true," Midna confirms. Darunia raises an eyebrow and corrects, "But it says it's false, so it can't be true." Shortly after, both warriors start to drool with befuddlement. Agitha thinks that's gross, so she asks Lana to ask another question.

Lana complies with Agitha's request. "Oh, Cia, this next one is for Wizzro. Could you maybe…?" She implies that Cia give Wizzro is physical form back. Much to everyone's disappointment, Cia complies. Before Wizzro can angrily scold Cia for turning him into a ring, Lana says at the top of her lungs, "This next question is for you, Wizzro!"

After sighing off his hatred, Wizzro gestures for Lana to ask the question. Lana does this; "'Wizzro, because you are made up of souls, do you suffer from schizophrenia?'" Much to Cia and Volga's surprise, Wizzro replies, "Meh, I actually do suffer symptoms of schizophrenia, such as voices in my head. This one guy up there scolds me when I do something he deems 'wrong', but he's an idiot. And I lack a conscious. That's a schizophrenia thing, right?"

Several warriors look at the ceiling in thought. Agitha slowly shakes her head, thinking that a lack of a conscious should not relate to schizophrenia. Volga speaks up, "Wizzro, I think that voice in your head is your conscious." The wizard would scream a rebuttal, but… wait, which one of Volga's two heads just said that? Also, the walls are growing grass. A jungle is consuming this room so fast!

Nobody knows why Wizzro is frantically looking around the room. Cia thinks she knows, though. She calmly turns to Lana and says, "We'll just take Wizzro's word for it. Perhaps now would be a good time to continue." Lana nods. Oh, and Ganondorf decided to come back into the room.

"'Zant,'" Lana reads the next question off her sheet. "'Can you tell me where you got your helmet? Because it looks awesome.'" Zant is flattered. He says, "Well, actually, it was a gift from my mother, so I don't know where it came from. Maybe Twilight Target?" That answer was so anticlimactic that Midna is disappointed.

Last individual warrior question. "Ganondorf, I'm glad you decided to come back," Lana finally notices Ganondorf's presence. She asks "'Ganondorf, your 8-Bit weapons are boss keys. Does this mean you're friends with Master Xehanort from Kingdom Hearts?'"

Ganondorf angrily slaps his palm against the wall. "I am most certainly not affiliated with anything Disney!" The competitive spirit in all of the warriors is sparked. They have nothing against Walt himself, just the many fictional universes the man inspired. Those worlds rival their own, but obviously their world is superior!

The agitation in the room dies down to an eerie silence. Randomly Fi goes, "I like Disney." Slowly all gazes are fixed on Fi. A monotone "Oops" emits from Fi.

Lana is about to cry over the final question. No, her feelings aren't hurt or anything, it's just the last question. With a sorrowful acceptance, Lana reads the last question. "'Last one for the whole cast. How do each of you feel knowing that Marin from Links Awakening is going to join you?'"

Darunia hops up with excitement. Ruto grabs the table before it falls over. Darunia ecstatically asks, "Really? Marin? For real?!"

Zelda courteously covers her mouth while he giggles. She nods and replies, "Yes, Darunia. I was hoping you all would get to meet Marin as a surprise, but I suppose you all have something to look forward to now."

"Wow, Link, one of your ancestor's dream friends! Isn't that exciting?" exclaims Proxi. Link agrees.

Most of the warriors are indifferent, as none of them have ever heard of Marin. Darunia and Ruto obviously have, as Ruto is letting Darunia spin her around in dance. Fi believes she is feeling joy. Ghirahim immediately thinks of Malon. The poor girl would get crushed on the battlefield. Sure she can defend her farm from aliens, but how could she defend it from Ganondorf? Zant, Agitha, and Midna all exchange glances amongst their table. Simultaneously they give Zelda a shrug.

Cia admits, "That's nice, but I would have rather heard news of Vaati joining us." Ganondorf agrees.

Zelda checks the time. She jumps to her feet with horror. "Oh no! We should have been done ages ago! The fee for this room is going to be over our budget!" She and Link usher everyone out of the room. Link tries to leave, but Zelda stops him. They frantically start cleaning the tables.

Ganondorf storms his way back into the room. "Princess, I have two things. First, Lana begged me to thank everyone for submitting questions. I'm just the messenger, there. Secondly, and what I wanted to say, I propose we quit these ridiculous meetings. You are basically using your army funding to waste our time hosting these meetings."

Zelda looks at Ganondorf while folding a table cloth. She shakes her head, "No, Ganondorf. These meetings are important. They let the people know what they want to know. Without these meetings, we wouldn't be able to do Q&A, which I'm sure everyone thought was amazing."

Ganondorf shakes his head. He conjures a brilliant plan to get his way. "Tell you what, Zelda. Have these people you love so much decide whether or not meetings are necessary. If your precious people don't want meetings, then we won't have them anymore."

Disheartened, Zelda agrees to Ganondorf's terms. "Very well then," She submits. "We shall let the honest opinions of the people decide our future."

Author's Notes- Aaand done! There you have it, the final chapter of the original Warriors Uncut. I hope it was as spectacular to read as it was to write. There was no intentions to offend anywhere in this chapter, and I apologize if anything was offensive. I know there was a lot of dialogue in comparison to action, but dialogue is my favorite way to develop characters. Seriously, thanks to everyone who submitted questions. I had so much fun developing answers for all of them. I found myself researching things for some of them. About Disney, I have grown up watching Disney movies, so I personally have nothing against Disney. This will sound shocking, but I have never played a Kingdom Hearts game, ever.
A few more things before I call this fanfic complete. Yes, I have Warriors Uncut Volume 2 in the making. All of the characters who came with Hyrule Warriors Legends make an appearance, Medli and Marin included. Yay! Fi is seriously putting up a poll to determine the favorite of these 30 chapters, just in case anyone wants to share their opinion. Fi would appreciate it. Speaking of appreciation, Ganondorf and Zelda would appreciate everyone's honest opinion about the warrior meetings. How often should Zelda schedule these meetings? Should they even have meetings? I am looking forward to the future of these warriors. (waving) Thank you all, and good night.