Author's Notes- I'm trying something different just for my amusement. I thought, "why not share all this entertainment"? I really enjoy playing Hyrule Warriors, personally. If you haven't played Hyrule Warriors, you might be slightly confused as to what's going on. SPOILER WARNING. Don't say I didn't warn you. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it.

Warriors Uncut

Chapter 1- Sandwich

It seemed as if the battle would never end. Lana had to call all of the warriors into battle against Cia this time. Literally, the battle had been going on for hours. Darunia refused to call for a break and collapsed of hunger. On top of that, Proxi started talking to Link about this restaurant she went to one time. First, Link wondered how a fairy could go to a restaurant and have a meal, but then he remembered that he hadn't had lunch and started imagining the food Proxi was describing.

Agitha uses one last butterfly attack to clear the enemies in a keep, claiming the keep. There is a low growl, and she looks at her basket. Desperately, she searches for the candy bar she had packed just in case she got hungry. "Oh, where did I put that candy bar?"

Sheik backflips into the keep and stops at Agitha's side. "What are you searching for?"

"I'm kind of hungry after taking this keep, so I'm looking for a candy bar I stashed in here. I can't find it, though." Agitha starts picking up jars in the basket to see if the candy bar had slid under one.

Sheik shakes her head. "Was it a crunch bar?"

Agitha's eyes widen. That's exactly what it was.

"I think Ghirahim got it. He just fled the battlefield."

Agitha's face turns tomato red with anger. She stomps her feet and yells, "Curse that demon lord!"

Lana's forces start to head back to the allied base. They all feel their stomachs growling in exhaustion and emptiness.

Lana watches Link walk up to her and asks, "Are you hungry too, Link?" Link nods. Lana looks at the ground and sighs. She says, "We can't just stop in the middle of our battle. There has to be food somewhere that we can snack on real quick."

Ruto silently counts the team. They seem to missing one. "Guys, has anyone seen Midna?"

…

Sitting happily in an allied keep, Midna munches on a ham and cheese sandwich. She stole it from Zant earlier that day when she defeated him (yet again), and figured that since it hadn't been bitten off of that it was safe to eat.

Impa and Link find Midna. Impa yells, "Midna!"

Midna, startled, swallows the bite she was chewing wrong and starts choking. She holds her throat and dramatically falls off her wolf onto her back.

"Look! She's choking! Link, do something!" Proxi screams. She floats to Impa's shoulder when Link runs to Midna's aid. Proxi struggles not to laugh at the sight of Link giving Midna the Heimlich. Finally, the bite of sandwich exits Midna's windpipe, and Midna is able to swallow it properly.

Link steps back, sweating because of the sudden panic attack. Midna's twilight wolf reappears, and Midna gently sits on it, breathing heavily. When she regains her thoughts, she scowls at Impa and asks, "What are you trying to do, kill me?!"

Impa is aghast. "Is that a sandwich?!"

Midna's angry expression suddenly turns to shocked. She looks at the sandwich and hides it behind her back. The rest of the allied team comes up behind Impa and Link. Midna says, "No. I don't have a sandwich."

"She has a sandwich! Get her!" Proxi yells.

…

"Hmm… Do you think we should send in our next unit, Wizzro?" Cia asks. It is a little too quiet on the battlefield for her taste.

The twisted wizard simply shrugs. "That's your call, Cia."

Cia chuckles to herself. "Good boy."

Suddenly, they hear Midna yell, "My sandwich!" She runs by the keep on her wolf, holding onto her sandwich with one hand and her wolf with the other. All of the major commanders of Lana's forces run by, chasing the Twilight Princess for her sandwich.

Cia and Wizzro stare in utter confusion. Finally, Wizzro asks, "Should we be concerned about that?"

Cia taps her thumb on her scepter, thinking about food now. "Wizzro, where is Volga?"

"The closest keep to the south, that is, if he isn't slacking off again." Wait, why would Cia ask where Volga is?

Cia smirks. "Tell Volga to go get me that sandwich."

Wizzro flinches, taken aback by Cia's request. Was she seriously going after a sandwich?

Cia looks at Wizzro over her shoulder. He hasn't moved yet, so she glares at him. "Sometime today."

"UM… ok." Wizzro quickly teleports to Volga's location and gives him the orders.

"What?! What does she think I am; a grocer?" Volga, who was already hungry, is now insulted that Cia ordered him to get her a sandwich. Before Wizzro can answer, Volga reluctantly leaves to retrieve the stupid sandwich. Wizzro teleports back to Cia's side.

Midna daringly jumps over the dragon knight and continues to run from the angry mod chasing her. Are they seriously chasing her for a sandwich? What has this war done to these people? In desperate measure, Midna flies to the top of a keep wall and sits down. Her angry allied commanders stop under her. Midna looks down at them and says, "It's just a sandwich."

Just then, the wall starts to violently shake. Instinctively, Midna grabs onto the wall with her free hand. On the other side of the wall from the allied forces, Darunia bashes the wall with his bigger-than-life-sized hammer. Fi flies up to Midna.

Midna squeals, "Wha-?! You're just a spirit! Why are you attacking me?!" Fi simply shrugs in response. Midna grabs Fi using her versatile hair and tosses the spirit into the allied forces, successfully knocking Ruto to the ground.

Wizzro mumbles to himself in irritation. Cia just sent him to get the sandwich. Him! She's got nerve sending him on such a ridiculous mission. When he makes it to the scene, he sees why it is such a difficult job. Poor Midna looks like she's about to fall into a pit of lions.

Volga uses his spear as a pole vault and vaults himself into Midna. Midna is launched into an unsuspecting Wizzro, and the sandwich flies even farther. Unfortunately for Volga, his pants catch on a hook on the wall. He helplessly hangs from the wall. All Proxi can say is "oh my."

Cia taps her foot, waiting for both Wizzro and Volga to return. One will have a sandwich, and the other will beg for mercy. It would actually be rather amusing seeing Wizzro admit that he couldn't get a sandwich.

Speaking of sandwiches, the sandwich flies over the keep wall. Lightning quick, Cia reacts to the incoming food by zapping it with magic, blasting it into smithereens. The allied forces, Volga, and Wizzro hurry over to the keep. Cia stares at the sandwich bits all over the place with wide eyes. "… Whoops." At the entrance to the keep, all forces stop. They stare in awe. Midna pushes her way to the front, and her worried expression turns into devastation.

Dramatically, Midna gets on her knees, picks up stray lettuce pieces, and yells, "NO!"

…

Lana walks over to Cia. "So, we call this one a draw then?"

Cia nods, not knowing what else to do.

Volga asks, "Anybody up for barbeque?"

Author's Notes- Tell me what you think via PM or review. And if you have any suggestions for stuff these warriors can do, I'd love to hear them. There is no limitations for these warriors. Besides maybe growing extra limbs and getting married, and interesting as it would be to see Link grow an extra limb. Otherwise, the possibilities are limitless.