Chapter 3

(Shout out to Yahoo news for mentioning my story. yahoo dot com / movies / paul-blart-fan-fiction-116671229252 . html)

A day has passed and Blart needed to find someone to play cards with, fast. He was eating shitloads of food to gain his weight back and was punching babies when eventually he remembered that he was a cop. He can just get his new friends within the U.S. government to detain Yugi in Guantanamo Bay.

Paul Blart walked into the police station and tried to talk to the police there. "Hey fascist pigs, want to do a panty raid?"

"Fuck yeah, panty raid!"

Paul Blart and some SWAT operators loaded up on firearms and entered Yugi's neighborhood. Following traditional ATF training protocol, they proceeded to search the neighborhood for all the dogs they could find and shoot them. They entered Yugi's home and used a tazer on his grandfather and killed him because of the old man's heart condition. They breached Yugi's room door with a shotgun and busted in like a feminist tumblr raid. Yugi was surrounded.

"You guys can detain me, but only if you defeat me in a space jam!"

Suddenly, the SWAT team was teleported into an inter dimensional basketball court. Paul Blart watched in horror as the best basketball players of the world were teleported onto the court. They shot hoop after hoop, the SWAT team unable to shoot a single hoop. They all burned in the pits of hell for losing.

"Paul Blart, I have no choice but to kill you. You and your culture of fat racism will come to an end today!"

Paul's culture of fat racism was passed down from generations of mall cops, and his heritage is very important to him. He couldn't let Yugi destroy his heritage. He had to fight for his people. Blart remembered his fat racist sensei, Wilford Brimley. He was taught to harness the power of his diabeetus, a sacred martial art that should only be used for self-defense, not even for the daily minority beating. He focused his energy into his hands, and fired out a blast of energy while yelling "DIE-A-BEAM-US!" Yugi jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding a life of diabetes. Blart screamed "DIE-A-BEETLES!" and an army of large beetles made from diabeetus energy appeared to attack Yugi. Yugi grabbed a SWAT MP5 and shot at the diabeetles as they came for him. Blart used this opportunity to roll toward him using his spherical mass as a bowling ball, screaming "Don't mess with my fat racist culture, shitlord!" Yugi jumped out of the way again, summoning a blue eyes white dragon to kill Paul with a large blue lazer. Blart charged more energy, and fired a stronger die-a-beam-us blast to clash with the blue lazer, overpowering the dragon and destroying all of its life points.

"I underestimated you, Paul Blart. You are much stronger than you let on." Yugi grabbed another rifle from the SWAT grave and fired. Paul dodged the bullets faster than thousand jews as he rolled on his stomach in a zig-zag fashion, then ramming into Yugi when he ran out of ammo. He was transported back to his own dimension after killing Yugi with his fat ass. Paul sighed and rolled down the highway, continuing his spirit quest across America to spread fat racism.