(originally posted on tumblr.)

rave

Maybe she should have been somewhat morally scandalized that Caroline was chowing down some poor guy's jugular. He didn't look particularly unhappy about it, since her vamp friend had compelled the pain out of him, but the sight was not exactly flattering.

Should I go over there and talk to her?

Later. When she's less…hungry.

Technically, she was supposed to babysit her. They had all agreed the best tactic to getting their friend back to normal was to let her have her tantrum, but keep a good watch on her from a distance.

Bonnie had been the one who volunteered to go to the rave with Caroline. The gang had trusted she would do a solid job. After all, on what occasion had Bonnie Bennett not been a judgmental killjoy? No one, not even Damon, had suspected she would more or less ignore her duties and dance and drink the night away while Caroline indulged in bad behavior.

But this was exactly what she was doing. And if it was wrong, she couldn't bring herself to feel guilty right now. She felt pangs of remorse only fleetingly as she closed her eyes and let the music and the warm bodies sway her into oblivion.

Funny, how once you were back in the real world, you craved the virtual nonexistence.

She had never imagined she would miss the Other Side.

Stockholm Syndrome, she thought with dark humor.

She downed the lukewarm beer in one gulp. There was a big lonely emptiness inside her stomach and she wanted to fill it up with all the alcohol in the world, until it spilled over the edge and drowned the people in the club in it.

How could you yearn for something so toxic, so dreadful as a prison?

How, indeed.

Here she was, clutching at a part of herself which no longer existed. It had been left behind in hell. And she wanted to go back for it, because all she had now was tatters.

I was supposed to be happy. I was supposed to be over the fucking moon, she thought, as she jumped into the air and shook her head along with the deafening beat.

Something was missing inside her and the tragedy was, it was always going to be…missing.

Caroline had moved on to a new victim.

She envied her, envied her ability to vacuum her emotions so efficiently. Why didn't she have a switch button?

She felt elbows and knees knocking into her from all sides, happy college kids going with the flow of the music, not caring that she felt everything more intensely now.

She'd danced with several boys already and they had all been serviceably drunk and charming, but perhaps too drunk to be anything other than clumsy about making out or grinding against her thighs.

But the newest addition was a guy who at least knew what he was doing. He was dancing with her from behind, slowly, taking his time with her body, pressing into her only enough so she could feel his solid chest, which she didn't mind at all. Strangely, she felt safe, even though he was probably a nameless guy from Whitmore whom she may have passed in the halls, on the way to class. No matter. His touch was good. His fingertips moved expertly up and down her waist in time with the music, almost giving her an excuse to move her hips more freely. She had always enjoyed dancing, but had always been too embarrassed to let go and really have fun. But this was college. This was reality. And she was still alone, still miserable despite the crowd of beating hearts around her, so she might as well fucking dance.

When the song changed and turned into a slower electronic mix, he moved his hands to her arms and traced her bare skin gently, tickling her wrists and ghosting over her palms as each beat soaked into her skin. She wanted to grab his hands, fully immerse herself in the feeling, but they moved to her waist again, pulling her closer, until she was glued to him and could hear his body pulse against hers.

His lips bent down and kissed her nape.

Bonnie gasped. This one was definitely bold. She was loath to tell him off or pull away, though. They were so synched with the music that she could feel each vibration, from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. And he moved so well with her. As if he knew her in and out. She could almost fool herself that this was happiness. She leaned her head back against his shoulder and sighed as his ministrations continued, undeterred. Little thrills traversed her body as his teeth grazed her pulse and sent a chill down her spine. This kind of tingling sensation was familiar to her, but the music seemed to blur the lines.

What did it feel like?

It feels like…it feels like…

Magic.

He was using magic on her. He laughed against her skin.

"You still smell like pancakes, Bon. I think I can taste the blueberries."

The lights went out. Electricity was cut off. All life stuttered and came to a shrieking halt. Or so it seemed.

Bonnie had the feeling her blood had been replaced with ice.

Around her, the world was dancing. But he was whispering in her ear and suddenly, she was back on the Other Side and it was just the two of them.

"I missed this feeling. You, scared. Me, scary." He nuzzled his nose against her neck.

Bonnie raised her hand and grabbed his head, pulling him towards her until she could look him in the eye.

"Do I look scared?"

She turned around then and pressed one hand into his chest, but he had predicted her move and his own magic ricocheted against hers like a bullet.

"Let's not do this in public. After all, we don't want any casualties. Unless you're just as big a Carrie fan as I am," he drawled, beaming at her.

A spatter of facial hair outlined his jaws in an irritatingly rakish way. He was becoming more accustomed to this world. He was discarding that eternal Lost Boy look he'd sported on the Other Side. She hadn't seen him ever since – ever since he'd left her on her knees with a knife jutting out of her stomach.

"You actually came here to face me when you knew I'd only want to rip your head off?" she gritted through her teeth.

Kai looked over her shoulder and snaked his arm around her waist again, pulling her out of the way of an oncoming group of five loud girls. She landed in his chest and her senses were bombarded by the strong magical aura which radiated all around him.

That's why witches and warlocks had a hard time getting along. Their magics were guaranteed to cause sparks.

"I'm a daredevil, I guess. I just wanted to welcome you back."

Bonnie looked up at him. She was still practically in his arms.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"I promise not to stab you this time around," he said with almost infectious cheer.

"I despise you."

"Didn't seem to despise me a minute ago."

"That's because I didn't know who you were!"

"Didn't you, though?" he challenged.

"I can't believe you! You tricked me, left me for dead in the middle of nowhere and now you waltz back in trying to play the same tune. What are you expecting, Kai? That I'll fall for it again?"

Suddenly and without explanation, his expression faltered. He was no longer in control of himself, no longer infinitely arrogant. The Peter Pan impishness gave way to an almost human frown. It was eerily similar to the vampires' humanity switch.

"I'm expecting to make it up to you."

The music was getting louder, but his words were too strange not to hear over the noise. She remained still for a moment, absorbing it all. Then she rolled her eyes and pushed him away with disgust.

"You can't, and I'd never want anything from you anyway."

"Too bad. That's what I intend to do. If I also get to annoy you while I'm at it, more gold stars for me. Luke doesn't get to win all the battles."

"Luke?"

"My Coven made me ill. They gave me," he paused, shuddering, "feelings, but I'm going to fix it. I'm going to get all those feelings out. Until I do, I'm going to stick around and make your life better or… worse."

Bonnie wondered if he was high or drunk or both. She knew he was psychotic, but there had always been some design to his actions, some purpose. This…this made no sense.

"Why?"

Kai raised his hand and lifted up the strap of her top which had glided down her shoulder. She hadn't even noticed.

"I like pissing you off. I like fighting with you. But, the problem is I also have a crush on you. And Luke has picked up on that, the bastard."

"What?"

"I know. He is such a tool. I never judged him for his preferences, but he's obviously sabotaging mine…"

Bonnie shook her head. "Did you just say you have a –"

"Crush on you, yeah!" he yelled over the noise. A new loud song had erupted from the giant speakers. Some of the couples around them threw weird looks in their direction.

"And Luke is making me act normal about it! That's why I feel compelled to make it up to you and make you happy and whatever it is that other boring assholes do! I'm guessing excessive amounts of flowers are involved! Are you a gardenias kind of girl or do you have a thing for daffodils?"

Bonnie wanted to slap him, not out of spite, but to knock some sense into him.

"You don't actually expect me to believe this! It's ridiculous! You know very well you don't have a crush on me! You stole my blood and left the Other Side without me!"

More people were staring at their screaming contest now.

Kai rolled his eyes. "Hello?! That's what a psychopath does when he has a thing for someone! The problem is, Luke got in the way, like the Parker busybody that he is, and now I don't feel like stealing your blood anymore."

"Oh, that's wonderful! What do you feel like doing?" she asked with biting sarcasm.

Kai chewed on his lip for a second, and again she could almost see this foreign persona taking over his features, like a human shadow. But it was gone in the next moment.

She was so intent on studying his face that she was caught completely off-guard. He grabbed her jaw and crashed his lips against hers, pulling her to him as the people around them jumped to the beat of the music.

It felt like a fist and a caress. An intrusion and an offering.

The floor shook with the thud of feet. Their lips stood locked against the chaos.

Bonnie screamed into the kiss, but the scream was part shock, part anger, part relief. Relief that the Self she thought had been lost on the Other Side was trapped somewhere in that kiss.

Hell was not that far, after all.

Hell was in the softness of his lips and the tickle of his stubble.

How could you yearn for something so toxic, so dreadful as a prison?

Her sense of right and wrong had been skewered from the beginning of the night. This was perhaps the last nail in the coffin.

She wrenched herself away and didn't look back. She ran towards the exit, practically bolted. The empty feeling in her stomach wasn't there anymore, and she desperately needed to feel hollow again, because if she didn't, she would be admitting he -

"I'll call you!" Kai shouted after her.

Bonnie almost smiled. She wanted to throw up. As she pushed the door to the club open, she realized, she felt alive.