Authors note: This is my first time writing Victorious fanfiction. It's been back on tv lately and I got in a Jade and Beck mood. I don't have a beta, but thanks for reading this anyway! (: all constructive criticism is appreciated!

Summary:

Rejection is a lesson all actors and actresses need to learn. Sikowitz keeps making Jade the Understudy to Tori to try to teach the class a lesson. (Bade)

Rejection (oneshot):

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

When Jade sees the cast list for Steamboat Suzy, she almost lets her true feelings slip. She almost shows the group of kids swarmed in front of the cast list how crushed she really is.

When Jade was a Freshman, Sikowitz had said: "I pick the roles you get based on your performances, not how much I like you."

When Sikowitz ran away as he let the Steamboat Suzy cast list drop, Jade knew that she didn't get the role she wanted, and that Sikowitz was afraid of her reaction. Everyone was. She scared everyone.

That day, Jade yelled at Tori, threatening to hurt her in order to scare her a little. After Jade stomped off, she quickly walked to the bathroom and sat in the handicapped stall, cutting up toilet paper until she felt like she wouldn't start crying.

That became Jade's routine whenever Sikowitz posted cast lists:

1) Read the cast list

2) Be disappointed after not getting the role she wanted

3) Lock herself in the bathroom

4) Cut up toilet paper

5) Pretend like she wasn't upset

Ever since Tori had arrived at Hollywood Arts, Jade hadn't gotten a single main role in anything she tried out for. Although Jade had gotten small roles, there was nothing in the world Jade hated more than being an understudy to Tori Vega.

It had been four months, and Jade had been keeping a neutral face, pretending like it didn't bother her (Jade had never smiled before Tori started ruining her life, so she didn't have to pretend to smile afterward).

Being rejected hurt. Jade had been getting rejected her whole life. Especially by her father.

It's not like Jade's hatred of Tori Vega isn't justified. Jade has many reasons why she hates Tori. (1) Tori kissed Beck. Beck is Jade's. He isn't Vega's. (2) Tori knew nothing about acting. Tori hadn't even known what an understudy was until Robbie explained it to her. That's just ridiculous. (3) Tori cannot act. Whenever Tori tries to embody a character, all Jade can see is an annoying, overly peppy brunette. Tori simply isn't capable of embodying another character.

If it were someone like Cat who kept getting the main roles in school productions, Jade wouldn't have been as upset. Cat cared about acting. Tori wasn't even interested in singing or acting until she had had to replace Trina in the school showcase. Tori knows nothing about acting, yet she just waltzes into Hollywood Arts and takes all the main roles away from everyone else.

•

Beck keeps telling Jade: "you'll get the next role". She loves Beck, and she loves that he is trying to comfort her, but she knows he's lying. He truly doesn't understand why she's so upset. Beck has gotten every single role he has ever tried out for. Jade knows Beck never been an understudy before. He doesn't understand what it feels like to be the second best choice.

Everyone has something they are good at. Robbie is into technical chiz and can play the guitar. Cat is into costume designing and makeup. Andre is into writing music. Beck is into acting. Tori is an actress and singer-not a very good one in Jade's opinion. And Jade, she's an actress, a singer (and a dancer... on the down low). Jade had been interested in acting and singing since she was a little kid.

The fact that Jade suddenly wasn't "good enough" to get a main role in a stupid high school play really bothered her.

The day Jade was chosen as understudy of Tori for the role of 'Steamboat Suzy', after school, instead of going over to Beck's RV like usual, she went straight home.

When Beck asked why Jade wasn't coming over, she claimed she had too much homework. She knew he knew she was lying, but he trusted her.

When she got home, she laid in her bed, for at least an hour, and she cried. She hadn't cried in three years.

When Jade cried, she didn't sob; Jade never sobbed. Sobbing was too dramatic. Jade cried silent tears, the kind that trickled down her face in gentle tracks. The kind that left her cheeks feeling slightly sticky and salty.

That night, after she cried, Jade read her very old, very tainted copy of 'Romeo and Juliet'.

Reading the play had become tradition when she was upset. Jade had found her copy of the play in a clearance bin at the bookstore that was around the corner from her house when she was in the sixth grade. It quickly became her favorite play.

At first, Jade had only read 'Romeo and Juliet' when she was happy. But one afternoon when she was in seventh grade, her father had heard Jade practicing her singing. He became angry with her, and for the first time ever, he told her that she was wasting her time with acting and singing. He told her she should stop before she got to highschool, so that she could focus on making a more practical living. That specific fight had made her cry really hard.

Beck had met her in the park after her fight with her dad. Beck had held her in his arms as she recited lines from the play to him. She had explained what Romeo and Juliet truly meant to her.

'Romeo and Juliet' gave her hope. Although the love story ended up being a tragedy, it still was the epitome of all great love stories. She felt like the relationship between Beck and herself resembled the Shakespearian one. Beck truly loved her, even if she wasn't the sweetest girl in the world. Beck's father hated Jade, and Jade's father hated Beck (and Jade as well). Beck and Jade fought more than they didn't; but that was how they showed their love.

That night, at the park, when Beck held Jade in his arms, Jade vowed to herself she would never cry because she was upset with her dad. He wasn't worth it.

Jade honored her vow to herself.

Three years later, she cried because her dad had been right, not because she was upset with him. She cried because she was upset with herself. She had let herself become upset with herself. Her dad was right; she wasn't going to make it as an actress or a singer.

The night she blew off Beck to cry for the first time in three years, her mascara had stained her pillow and her copy of Romeo and Juliet. Jade invested in waterproof mascara after that.

Jade hated that she was crying. She didn't want her boyfriend to see her so upset over something so stupid.

A lot of people don't get the parts they want in plays they tried out for. It wasn't the specific play that made Jade cry. That play was just the benchmark moment of her realization that she wasn't going to make it as an actress or a singer.

All of those roles that she had been losing just proved to her father that she wasn't good enough. It proved she wasn't a good enough actress. It proved she wasn't a good enough singer. And it proved she wasn't a good enough person in general.

Jade wasn't depressed. She was just a little sad. There is a difference.

Jade had had to argue with her father for at least two years to even get him to agree to pay the tuition money for Hollywood Arts. Her dad didn't believe she could make a career out of acting. He was right. If Jade couldn't even get a role in some stupid school play, how was she going to make it in the real world?

Jade knew that it took a hunger, a drive, and a unyielding passion and commitment to act seriously. She used to have that. But her determination was deteriorating every single time she got understudy.

Understudy is usually a good thing; but Vega never missed a performance. It was infuriating.

Jade had started keeping tally of the number of times she had cried over not getting the role she wanted, and a different tally of the number of roles she hadn't received. She used the back of her script for Steamboat Suzy to write the tallies on. She was up to six tallies for crying, and eight tallies for roles she hadn't received. Jade felt absolutely pathetic.

Beck wasn't aware that Jade had been crying. Jade was glad he didn't know. He wouldn't have been able to do anything about it anyway. It would have just worried him. And she didn't need him to worry. She was fine. Just fine.

•

Sikowitz had told the class that he was holding auditions for Romeo and Juliet.

When their crazy teacher had announced the name of the play, Jade had felt her heart stop beating. Beck wrapped his arm around her, and he felt her grip on his hand tighten. He was aware of her infatuation with this specific play. And he was aware just how crushed she would be if she didn't get to play Juliet.

Jade knew that there was almost a 99 percent chance Beck was going to play Romeo. No one else could pull it off. But she would be damned if she didn't get to play Juliet alongside him.

Jade had had the play memorized for four years. Jade knew she would be devastated if she didn't get the role. This play actually meant something to her. This play was personal.

She rehearsed for the play with Beck at least five times in the four days they had to get ready for the audition.

Jade spent countless hours rehearsing in front of her mirror. Jade studied the way she opened and closed her mouth, the way she carried and positioned herself. The way her eyes looked when she cried, and the pitch of her voice. She even took out her hair extensions and 'forgot' to wear makeup for her audition.

She felt like an entirely different person. Jade knew she didn't really have a chance playing someone like Juliet, when everyone was already terrified of her.

As Beck had watched her rehearse, Jade noticed how his eyes became glossy. It was like she was causing him to feel actual emotions. It had given her more confidence at the audition.

Some part of Jade that she had thought was long gone sparkled and faded inside of her while she auditioned. It felt like hope but only just.

Jade wanted to be Juliet so badly, it physically hurt. She felt like she was holding her breath for the two days it took Sikowitz to put up the cast list.

•

The cast list was posted on Sikowitz's classroom door.

Beck and Jade checked the cast list together. He was holding her hand as they walked. He noticed Jade biting her lip, something she only did when she was nervous.

The cast list read as follows:

Romeo- Beck Oliver

Romeo's Understudy- Andre Harris

Juliet- Tori Vega

Juliet's Understudy- Jade West

etc...

Before Beck even got to Jade's name on the list, he saw her raven colored hair dash past him without saying a word about it.

He had almost called after her but she was already out of sight before he could open his mouth. As he ran after Jade, he heard Andre, Cat, and Robbie telling Tori congratulations-even though Beck watched Tori stumble through her lines at least four times in a minute audition; Jade didn't mess up at all, not once. Beck felt like he was being punched in the gut. He kept replaying how many roles Jade had auditioned for, and he realized that the number of times she had become the understudy to Tori, was a lot greater than he had thought.

When Beck slipped into the Janitor's closet, he felt his heart shatter for his girlfriend who was sobbing into her knees.

He had only seen Jade actually cry one time, and that was three years ago. Beck fell to his knees next to her, and wrapped his arms around her. He let her sob into his chest. She was practically screaming as she cried. He ran his fingers through her soft, raven-colored hair as she kept whimpering. The sound of her blood curling sobs brought tears to his eyes as well. He didn't realize how much it hurt her until now.

"I'm so sorry," he kept whispering. Because he knew it would be wrong to say 'it's all going to be okay'.

Because she wasn't; she was very far from okay.

A practically inaudible "me too," bounced off of Jade's lips, and Beck could feel a lump in his throat as he tried not to cry. He was supposed to be there for Jade, but he couldn't help but feel hurt for the girl he loved, since she was was hurting so much.

•

When Jade read the list, she felt the last glimmer of hope she had had fade away. She ran into the Janitor's closet, because she wanted Beck to find her this time. She needed him, and she knew he was right behind her. He was all she had left.

Jade honestly didn't understand what she had been doing wrong. She didn't understand why her teachers thought she was a bad actress. Jade had watched Vega mess up her audition alongside Beck.

When Beck wrapped his arms around her, she sobbed. Jade never sobbed, but in this moment, the moment where she had lost all hope, she couldn't help it. She let down her protective wall and let the past three years of held in crying out. Jade was sure people heard her in there.

About five minutes after Beck had arrived, Jade heard the door open, but she couldn't stop crying long enough to scream.

It was Cat.

"Go," Jade heard Beck beg.

•

Sikowitz had made Jade attend Romeo and Juliet rehearsals, claiming that an understudy needed to be prepared.

Jade almost punched Sikowitz in the face. She had had this play memorized for four years.

Beck watched Jade at the rehearsals, and he noticed that she had been behaving like she normally did-with eye rolls and occasional threats of ending Tori's life- so he relaxed a little.

But during the third rehearsal, while they were taking a break so that Sikowitz could discuss lighting with Sinjin, Tori had the nerve to say: "Shakespeare is so annoying! Why did he have to write with thou's and art's and chiz! It's so stupid!"

Beck felt Jade's body tense, but instead of threatening to cut off one of Tori's body's parts, Jade was silent.

He heard Jade growl slightly, so he kissed her hand knuckles one by one, making her forget Tori's dumb comment.

•

When Jade sat in the audience of Romeo and Juliet, as she heard the very meaningful lines being spoken with a dismissiveness and lack of emotion by Tori, she felt tears in her eyes, so she put on her sunglasses and watched the play until it ended. She waited for Beck by his truck, not wanting to be in the theater any longer than she had to.

He took her back to his RV, and they laid in his bed together without saying a word.

•

Post Romeo and Juliet meant a month of severe self-hatred for Jade. After a while, Jade couldn't take it anymore. She had to know why Sikowitz was doing this.

During class one day, Jade slipped out from under Beck's arm and stormed up to their crazy teacher.

"Sikowitz," she yelled, getting him to turn around.

"Jade. How may I help you?" He asked, sipping his coconut milk.

She stared at him for a couple seconds before she spoke."Don't you think it's ironic how you spend so much time trying to teach us things like how to portray fear, and how to have confidence, but you have never even mentioned how to handle rejection?" She asked him, crossing her arms expectantly waiting for an answer.

Rejection had been a prominent part of Jade's life since her dad started to ignore her. He rejected everything Jade stood for. After Tori joined her school, she started to become rejected as an actress.

No one had taught Jade about rejection. About how to handle it. And she didn't think it was very fair.

"Don't you get it? I've been doing this on purpose! I've been waiting for you to finally ask about it. I did it to you because you're the toughest one here. I've been rejecting you, so that you can understand what it's like in the real world," Sikowitz said, casually drinking from his coconut.

Jade scoffed. "Are you kidding me right now?" She barked out, laughing.

"I'm sorry I had to use you to show everyone what I meant."

"Wait? So you don't think I've deserved all the roles I have gotten?" Tori asked in shock.

Sikowitz laughed. "Of course not!"

"So I could have had some of those roles had you not been trying to teach us a lesson?" Jade felt her voice crack. This was an outrage.

He nodded. Jade stomped back to her seat.

"Maybe one day you can create teaching moments without ruining my life," she yelled at him.

"Oh Jade," Sikowitz smiled. "So polite when asking for things."

Jade groaned and laced her fingers with Beck's. At least she had one normal thing in her life.