A.N I was inspired to write this after reading Starlight Massacre's amazing The Beguile and Devotion of a Black Heir, which if you haven't read you need to ASAP.

Harry smiled when the book sitting beside him glowed gently, he was reaching for it immediately and opening it to the right page. He knew that if anyone, any of his friends, Sirius, Remus, Dumbledore, Mrs and Mr Weasley, if any of them found out they would be furious with him. And at first when the book had been sent to him he had been a little apprehensive and it had a taken a good few weeks of seeing the writing appearing on the page for his heart to stop thundering in his chest. However he had been assured by the fact he had been writing to his admirer via letter long before they had started using the book in preparation for him going back to the Dursleys where a constant flow of owls would seem suspicious.

Now he couldn't be gladder for the book. The near constant company while he was stuck here, even though written word was a comfort he couldn't explain considering he had realised that he was going to be stuck at Private Drive the entire summer, especially as once again it was clear letter from his friends were going to be few and far between and pointless when they came. Though that was not completely true this time, he was also receiving frequent letters from Neville and Luna that did a lot to keep him from going mad as he stared at the same four walls nearly all day.

Harry, despite what a lot of people thought, was not stupid. He knew writing to someone he had never met before could be dangerous. Heck knowing his life it was going to turn out to be dangerous towards him. But honestly he found himself not being able to care very much. His admirer, R, had started writing to him just before Christmas, and he had started writing at first to tell harry that e believed him about Voldemort being back, and he disagreed with the fact that the wizarding world had turned on him. It was this really that made Harry respond to the first letter, thanking him for his support and taking the time to actually let Harry know that he was not alone and that someone also agreed with him over the press and simple mindedness of the wizarding public.

He had sent his first letter and expected that to be that, but R had sent a letter back to him asking if he was coping ok, and if things were making his life at school too difficult, especially with Umbridge being there. Harry had been so genuinely surprised of the fact that someone was enquiring after his well being, and someone that did not know him, that he found himself pulling a fresh sheet of parchment from where he was doing his homework and responding.

Their correspondence had taken off from there, general conversation gradually turning more person, until Harry found himself talking freely to R. Again though he was not an idiot, and he had managed to find a charm that he could place onto his letters, and a charm to place on his ink to ensure that his words could not be read by anyone else, and R could not tell to anyone else. It was flawed of course, R would be able to give general ideas about the contents of their letters, but he would not be able to give specifics. R had been highly amused when he realised what Harry had done, and not angry at all it seemed. In fact when he had sent to two sided book to harry he had informed him that he had placed his own secrecy charms over the book, and sent a charms book to help Harry track down what charms had been placed over it, and allow him to see what charms he himself could place over them without damaging the existing charms on the book.

R had quickly captured Harry's attention he would admit. The man was funny and quick witted, sharp and intelligent, charming and well spoken, he chose his words carefully and spoke in ways that managed to make Harry's heart flutter in a way Harry hadn't actually known was possible to do. He was a proud man, and very opinionated, used to getting his own way and arrogant enough in his tone sometimes that Harry had easily figured out within a few weeks that he was a pureblood. But he had also been through a lot, damaged and tired. He had admitted to Harry he had not been very well for a good many years and was not currently the man he had once been, but he had also assumed Harry that he was finally on his way to recovery, helped along he said by his contact with Harry.

R was seducing him, he knew, and he was not really that opposed to it. After speaking to R for so long, and actually being encouraged to think about what he wanted without judgement and without R trying to force his opinion on Harry, he had realised that he didn't want to be the weapon, the puppet. And so he had not discouraged R despite the fact that something in the back of his mind was telling him that this was not going to turn out to be simple.

*I wish you were here*

*Have you had a bad day?* Harry wrote back a little concerned. R had only recently started admitting how bad his health had been until the last few months, and the man was so proud and his mind so quick he pushed himself too hard.

*Just long. I am a little tired, it makes my day easier knowing that I can come back and speak to you, but it would be even better knowing I would be wrapping you in my arms, hearing your voice and seeing you*

*That actually sounds pretty amazing right now*Harry closed his eyes as soon as he wrote those words, imagining strong arms wrapped gently around his waist and resting his head against a warm chest, listening to a strong heart beat under his ear.

*Has something happened?* Concern was clear in R's writing, as was the nearly immediate response that heated up the book with its glow. Harry knew why R was so worried, Harry despite having learnt to open up to R and speak a lot more freely, very rarely made admissions like that.

*Just a little bit of a long day myself. It's been three very long weeks of staring at the same walls. But that doesn't mean I didn't mean it* Harry hesitated a moment before adding the last bit, he knew he was falling for R, just as he knew R was keeping something from him. But R for all his strength of character was also very insecure, once admitting to Harry, once it became apparent that the tone of their letters had changed, that he was not sure Harry would look at him twice in a romantic sense should they have met in the street.

*I have been speaking with my Grandfather, to see if there is anything that could be done to get you out of there* came R's reply, sending Harry's heart beating faster.

*Oh?*

*There are in fact a couple of options. There is one that I would prefer*

*And that is* Harry could feel his heart thundering in his chest, he had a feeling that this was going to change the course of their relationship drastically.

*Would you be willing to flee the country with me?*

*Flee the country?*

*I have found a small cottage in Italy, it's for rent on a vineyard and farm, beautiful views, they send over fresh foods so I can finally taste your cooking, my healer has said some sun would do me good, and I doubt Dumbledore would look for you in another country, never mind on a small Italian farm*

Harry blinked down shocked at the words sitting blatantly on the page in front of him. He had told R of his desire to travel and see more places, just as he had shared that he had come to accept the fact that he would not be able to do it for a very long time, perhaps never. The fact that R was offering that as a chance alone had his head spinning.

The fact that R was suggesting they meet and spend the time together, that had him beyond stunned, and completely lost as to what to say. What if whoever R was he could not live with it? What if his instincts were right and R was a Death Eater, what if he was going to have his heart broken by discovering this was a trap. And what if he got there, and discovered R was a Death Eater and he could live with that secret, what if he had been falling in love with a Death Eater and was too far gone to walk away when he should do.

*Harry? You can say no, I will completely understand* Harry wasn't sure how long he had been sitting staring open mouthed at the page in front of him as his head spun with all the possibilities, but clearly it was long enough for R to worry.

*I...* Harry wrote before staring stupidly at the stark black letter staring back at him from the page having no idea what to say.

*Harry, this is me, you can be completely honest with me with what you want, you know that*

*I want to say yes* Harry wrote before he could second guess himself, knawing his lip nervously as he watched the ink settle into the page, no doubt being read by R right that moment.

*But?*

*But you are hiding things from me, and I am not entirely sure that this is not all a trap leading to this moment but also...*

*Yes?*

*I'm terrified it is a trap and you are going to break my heart* Harry closed his eyes as he wrote the one truth that he had kept from R.

*Harry...does that mean what I think it does? Do you feel for me as I do for you?*

*I am falling in love with you I think, you are far too silver tongued for my good*

*Harry, I told you a few months ago when you asked for the truth about my health, I told you that should you ask me anything I would not lie to you. Yes I have been hiding who I am from you and keeping some things back because I am not sure how you would react, and because I wanted you to learn the true me before learning my name. But I have fallen for you, my days are spent anticipating being able to speak to you, you have made me smile when I thought none but my brother and Grandfather would make me able to again, you have made me feel alive and happy, accepted and not the broken person that I believed myself to be, damaged and unattractive. You know the charms on these books, I cannot lie to you. Ask and I will tell you* Harry bit his lip uncertainly as he pressed his pen to the page.

R had just handed him a lot of power, and he still was not entirely sure that he wanted to use it. If it was something that he could not deal with he was not sure that it would not break his heart anyway having to stop speaking to R, he realised how much he had come to rely upon R and their conversations, of R's steady and strong presence in his life. And if he carried on with R knowing the secret, would he be able to live with himself, looking the others in the eye?

They had purposefully avoided speaking of the fact that R was keeping things from him, and the fact that Harry knew this. But now he had opened that can of worms, and really R had started prising it open with his suggestion. There was only one way really for Harry to go as his Gryffindor curiosity kicked in.

*Why did you first get in touch with me?* Harry wrote quickly before he could change his mind.

*I was not expecting that question first,* R wrote before Harry watched his next words appearing on the page. *At first I started writing to you because I was told to, I was ordered to show an interest in you to hope to gain your trust. This was either going to end in being able to trick you into meeting me, or to gain information and knowledge on and about you, from you*

*You only talk to me because you were ordered to!* Harry wrote quickly, his writing coming out a scrawled mess even as he felt his heart breaking. He was right, he should never have asked!

*At first! Harry wait for me to explain please!* R quickly wrote back, his writing the most untidy Harry had ever seen it.

*Go on*

*Harry it may have started out as an order, but it did not stay that way for long at all. I fully expected to have to force myself to talk to you, to compliment you. I realised by your third letter how wrong I was. I barely realised until my brother said how much I looked forward to seeing your letters coming, how much I enjoyed reading them and responding. It stopped being an order so long ago and started being me, wholly me writing to you, because I wanted to. I spoke about my order and made sure it was clear that I was not doing it as an order anymore, and when I started falling in love with you, I admitted that as well. The last few months have been just me Harry, and me in a way I have never been able to e with anyone but my family before. You say I have a silver tongue and charm, but you made me fall in love with you were I have never failed to do my missions exactly to the letter. You took me by surprise Harry Potter and you have stolen my heart*

Harry stared at the words, re read them several times to see if there were any hidden meanings, or not said, but could find nothing.

*And the reason you want to meet now?*

*To meet you. To see if we have a chance. because I cannot bear the thought of you sitting there all summer, alone and sad, I want to be with you, I want to hold you and spend my days with you. And I am not entirely sure that what is between us, this potential could last if the truth was kept from you for much longer. But I am scarred that knowing who I am, you will want nothing to do with me, and I am not sure my heart could survive that*

*What are your orders to me now?*

*I am to carry on as I am. I was able through your secrecy bindings to express the fact you were unhappy with your place in the war and that you just wanted no part in it. He believes I have a good chance of convincing you*

*What do you want?*

*You, just you,*

Harry stared at the words on the page completely stunned, R couldn't lie, the journal wouldn't let him. He meant it but it was too open for understanding.

*Harry?*

*What do you want from me?*

*Do you want to know why I want you, or what I would like our future to be like?*

*Both* Harry tapped his pen nervously against his lip as he stared at the page for at least fifteen minutes willing something to appear.

*I have never been in love before, I didn't have any intention of falling in love with you, I didn't think I could fall in love anymore. My time in Azkaban I thought had killed off any chance of loving anyone, I remembered my familial love for my brother and my grandfather, and as I got better I could feel it again. But falling in love just didn't occur as a possibility anymore. And I thought...my time in Azkaban did not leave me handsome or in good mental health and I thought that any arranged marriages would be immediately discounted. It was something that I had put out of my mind. You were just a mission. Until I found myself enjoying talking to you, laughing at your letters, when you told me about Hedwig being injured bringing my reply back with how much you were hurt by her injury I wanted to get revenge for you. I felt out of sorts and annoyed when it took you a while to respond to my letters, I got excited when you responded faster than you normally did. And I realised that you had stolen into my heart. I started dreaming about just being able to hold your hand, I dreamt about just sitting opposite you talking face to face getting actually hear your voice. I dreamt about holding you as we slept together. Harry I want you because I love you, no other reason at all. What I want from you, eventually I dream that you agreeing to marry me, that we will buy a home together or can live in my families mansion if you would like, that we can travel a little before settling into our home, I have dreamt perhaps of the chance of us having some children together, two or three maybe, you can peruse your wish for teaching. We could have a life together, we could be happy, I want us to be a family, I know my family would love you,*

*R* Harry wrote before biting his lip.

*Sorry I didn't mean to ramble. Harry this isn't a trap, I'm not trying to lure you into a trap, I am not talking to you to try and trap you. Nothing I want is in anyway an attempt to harm you, I want a life with you Harry*

*Are you a Death Eater*

*yes*

Harry stared at the words on the page confirming the suspicions that he had had for weeks, if not months now. He chewed his lip anxiously before groaning and dropping back onto his bed grinding his palms into his eyes. He felt the book glow on his stomach four times as his brain scrambled to try and sort through everything.

*Harry?*

*Harry please,*

*Harry please say something!*

*Harry*

Harry stared at the pleading written onto the page scrubbing his hand through his hair.

*I'm sorry, I need time to think about this,*

*Harry please don't*

*I need to think, I'm sorry, I need time*

*Please write back*

*I will*

Harry closed the book firmly and dropped it down beside himself before dropping back onto the bed again staring up at the ceiling. Knowledge wasn't always the best thing that was for sure, he wasn't sure that he should have asked, he wasn't sure he wanted to know, and he wasn't sure what the hell he was going to do now.

Harry suddenly jumped up from his bed and raced across to his trunk, digging through everything in there until he found the trick bottom that he had managed to spell into it from the book R had sent him.

He clenched his fist and his eyes closed hanging over the trunk as his thoughts once again went to R. Gritting his teeth he tugged up the false bottom and grabbed the letters he had hidden in there. Making his way back to his bed he laid the letters out and picked up the first letter R had sent him before settling back to start reading through the letters he had received from R.

Groaning as he closed his book after re-reading their last conversation and huffed, he had no idea what he was going to do now.

"Well girl, how much of an idiot am I?" Harry asked Hedwig who hooted softly flying over to him and landing on his shoulder. "You've seen him, what do you think I should do?" She leant down and pecked the hand holding the book.

He stared down at the book before realising she was right, he needed to speak to R. He knew how much self doubt R possessed and he knew that his silence for...seventeen hours would be driving him mad.

*R?*

*Harry thank Merlin, are you ok? I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said anything I shouldn't have told you I shouldn't have asked about Italy there are other ways that I can protect you and I will I*

*Yes*

*Sorry?*

*I will go to Italy with you,*

*What? Harry are you sure?*

*You've not changed your mind have you?*

*No! No! I want to see you, be with you. I just...you were so...Are you ok with me, with what I am?*

*I don't know, I honestly don't know. But I want you, I want to be with you and while I don't know if I can live with myself being with you knowing what you are, but I am not entirely sure that I can live myself not meeting you and giving us a chance*

*Harry, I'm so sorry that you have to make this choice. I wish it was simple*

*Nothing in my life is ever simple, I have started to learn that. So how do we do this?*

Harry had found it much easier than he had expected to make his way to Italy. R had sent the money he would need to the muggle bank the Dursleys used, and the idea of very pureblood death eater r sorting that out did amuse him. He had withdrawn the money and bribed the Dursleys to keep his missing presence from the Order and to make it seem like he was still living there. He had snuck away from the house in the middle of the night using the back gardens and several neighbours gardens to sneak away.

From there making his way the airport had been simple, he had gone to the desk R had told him about to find a hag sitting behind it, and had collected the ticket waiting for him, and to get through the security at the airport considering that he didn't have a passport. One plane ride later and he was walking out the airport to find a driver and a luxury car waiting for him.

R had organised for him to go to a hotel near to the airport to freshen up, and before the driver left he informed harry he would be back the next day to collect him asking what time he would be required.

Harry had stared around the massive hotel room with wide eyes, completely stunned at the expense of the place, he had never been in a place that was worth so much money, and R had organised this for him.

By the time the car turned onto the long driveway that led a beautiful looking farmhouse at the end with an orchard next to it, just as R had described to him when he was on the plane, he was a bundle of nerves and excitement.

The farmhouse was simply amazing, a two story cottage it was like something out of a painting. Massive green fields surrounded it, the Orchard rustled right next to the farm. A huge beautiful garden grew in the back and the front, bursting with hundreds of flowers. Endless blue skies were as far as the eye could see, and the sun was glowing down.

And then the car stopped outside a beautiful carved wooden gate, and the nerves kicked up another notch. He stepped out of the car with some hesitance, staring up at the beautiful cottage, and knowing that R was in there, knowing that he would find out who he really was, knowing he would find out if this was really a trap despite R's assurances, and to find out what was between them and whether they had a future together.

The driver heaved his trunk out the back and carried it to the doorstep for him before nodding and making his way to leave. Harry watched him getting in the car and pulling away before he turned and faced the front door.

Worrying his lip in a habit he really needed to stop, he stared at the front door before raising his hand and knocking on the door before he could change his mind. He sucked in a breath as he heard the footsteps behind the door, straightening his shoulders and waiting nervously as the door handle turned.

Harry found himself staring into ice blue eyes, well staring up into ice blue eyes. Rabastan had been savaged by Azkaban and it showed on his face. It was lined and worn with pain, his icy blue eyes, which were fairly spectacular, showed the same pain and suffering. He was slightly stooped and hunched in, and still looked too thin for his frame. And yet he was handsome and Harry could see the power and strength that he had had in his frame, his olive skin was too white but clearly regaining its colour. And his black hair was growing after he had had to have it cut, it looked long enough for him to run his fingers through and get a good grip on it.

At that thought Harry blinked and looked at Rabastan Lestrange again, and he noticed the hope in his eyes, and happiness, the worry.

"Hey," Harry smiled shakily.

"Harry," Rabastan said it with such awe and hope stepping forward with his hands reaching out before he stopped and looked at Harry nervously.

"R...Rabastan," Harry took and step forward and then another before he stepped into Rabastan's arms and wrapped his around his too thin waist. He pressed his face against Rabastan's heart and breathed in his scent as Rabastan's arms wound around him and held him tightly.

"Harry..."

"Don't. Just...before all that can we just enjoy this please," Harry asked softly clenching his hands in Rabastan's robes.

"I...yes I would like that," Rabastan sighed dropping his cheek to rest against Harry's mess of hair and breathed in his scent. "I can't believe I am getting to hold you,"

Harry didn't know how long it was that they stood there for, but the feeling of standing in the Italian sun surrounded by Rabastan's scent, held tightly in his arms, that had to be the best feeling in the world.