Hello you beautiful people!

I'm aware that I owe you an apology because I've been seriously side tracked recently and completely abandoned this story. I wrote this chapter an eon ago waiting desperately for the day I could post it. So I decided to make a two year time jump in the story in order to be able to give it to you. It's very close to my heart because it deals with my all time ever favorite episode. I'm into whump, I can't help it, and I feel like TPTB let Jack get over things way too quickly. Oh and you folks do still remember that this is an M rated story, right? Just saying.

Sam was sitting on her couch when her phone rang.

"Carter?"

"Hey Sam, this is Evelyn Myers."

"Evelyn! It's good to hear your voice! How are you?"

"Well actually I'm a little worried. I've been trying to reach Jack, and that's always a hard thing to do, but he doesn't even answer my messages. The fact that you're home is reassuring, but – ah well I guess all I'm trying to say is: Do I need to be concerned?"

When Sam didn't answer Evelyn's heart missed a beat.

"He isn't – is he?"

"No, no he's fine. Well actually he's probably not fine, but he isn't missing." Anymore.

They talked briefly, and Evelyn decided she had to come and check on him. She hadn't liked what Sam had told her. If anything, she was more worried then before.

~o0o~

Evelyn knocked, but there was no answer. Remembering Sam's words she tried turning the door knob. The door opened, and she carefully stepped in.

"Jack?"

It was dark, but she didn't turn on the light. She just waited for her eyes to adjust. When they did she realized he was standing at the glass doors that led to the deck, looking out.

"Jack, please. What's going on?"

"Go away, Evelyn."

He hadn't turned. His voice was completely flat. She couldn't tell if he was angry. She took one step closer.

"Jack, please don't do this."

"Go. Away."

Still low, but cold as ice. It hurt her more than she could take. She swallowed once.

"If you change your mind, just say so."

She could barely keep from touching him, but she just knew he wouldn't tolerate it right now. In fact for the first time in her life he was scaring her. She waited for a moment, but when he didn't move or speak she backed out, worried to death but unwilling to violate his privacy. She just hoped to God that he would open up to her again. Soon.

When Jack heard his front door close he sat down on his couch and covered his face with his hands. He felt relieved to be alone, but at the same time he was so lonely he actually felt like crying. Oh he had felt like this in that damn cell, unable to break the endless circle of pain and death and resurrection, betrayed by that goddamn snake, left by his friends, desperate and alone. Daniel's visits had been comforting, but when he realized he wouldn't help him he felt betrayed again. He'd been angry, but then anger had given way to despair more and more with every time he woke in that damn sarcophagus. And yes, he had cried, losing himself in agony. And then he had lost what little relief he had had from that when there hadn't even been tears anymore.

He made a conscious decision not to got there. He was touched by Evelyn's concern, and he felt guilty about treating her the way he had. She certainly didn't deserve that. But what should he have told her? It had always been a fine line, but this time there was exactly nothing he could tell her. He couldn't explain how he had survived that amount of pain, how severe those sessions in Ba'al's torture chamber had really been. He couldn't explain to her what had gotten him into the situation to begin with - a snake in his head? Yeah sure. He couldn't tell her how he had managed to get out. He was just tired of it all. Tired of all the sacrifices he had made. And there was nothing anybody could do about the way he felt. Or actually didn't feel. There was nothing left. When he was released from the infirmary he was relieved, glad he could go home. But unlike all the other times he didn't feel like taking some leave and relaxing at the cabin, nor was he anxious to get back on the roster. He told himself he was fine just being home. But the fact was – he wasn't. He had managed to get cleared by McKenzie, probably because he knew what to tell him by now, but he knew he wasn't OK. He knew depression when he saw it. And he had seen it before. Not wanting to get up in the morning, hoping the world might pass him by if he simply stayed away from it. Feeling nothing, not being interested in anything, not leaving the house. He was screwed, and he knew it. Ba'al had been very thorough, and the withdrawal symptoms from the sarcophagus just made it worse. He gave a brief thought to Evelyn, who would certainly be worried to death, but he knew he didn't have it in him to do anything about that.

Evelyn had been sitting on Jack's front porch for a while now. She couldn't quite bring herself to call a cab, but she really didn't know what to do instead. Her heart broke for the man behind that door, and she desperately needed to know what was going on. When she had talked to Sam the younger woman hadn't told her much, only that Jack had been captured and it had taken them some time to get him out. Evelyn was enough of a soldier to know what that implied, and the fact that Jack had spent some time in the infirmary – which had meant she couldn't fly in to see him right after talking to Sam on the phone – spoke volumes, too. She made a decision.

Jack didn't look up when Evelyn let herself in again. Finding him sitting on the couch, his face still buried in his hands, she stepped closer and knelt down by the couch. She was still scared, but she just couldn't leave him like this. While she was trying to think of the right thing to say or do she heard a muffled sound coming from him. He let his hands fall away but didn't look at her.

"I'm sorry."

Low, strained.

"It's OK."

"No, it's not. I know you are trying to help me, and you didn't deserve the way I treated you."

"They why did you do it?"

He looked utterly spent.

"I can't take any more, Evelyn. I barely hold myself together, and it feels like it's getting worse every day. I'm done."

She still knelt. Very carefully she touched his knee.

"Is there anything you can tell me?"

He shook his head. A moment later he slipped off the couch and sat next to her on the floor.

"I probably don't deserve it after the way I -"

"Jack, stop it."

He ran a hand through his hair. They sat very close, and still she nearly missed his next words:

"Can you please hold me, Evelyn?"

Tears shot to her eyes as she opened her arms for him, and after a moment's hesitation he settled down on the floor and put his head in her lap. She cried silently while she gently stroked his hair for what felt like an eternity. All of a sudden he started to talk.

"I felt like this before. In 1991 Frank Cromwell left me for dead in Iraq, and when I made it back four month later I felt like I was dead, like I was frozen stiff. Numb. Five years later - something happened that pushed me back into that hole again and ended my marriage. And here I am now. Welcome back to my personal hell. Pathetic, I know."

He buried his face in her lap. They stayed like that for a long time, but finally Evelyn said:

"Jack, please let's get up."

She thought he hadn't heard her, but then he forced himself to sit up. They both painfully felt the loss of contact. She tried to make eye contact, but he refused.

"Jack, please!"

She was begging, desperately in need to see his eyes. She touched his shoulder, a feather light caress that asked for his permission. He didn't avoid her touch, but he still didn't look at her. She slid around and knelt behind his back. Her hands on his shoulders she started a tender massage. After a while he relaxed a little. His head sank to his chest. She leaned in to plant the softest of kisses on the back of his neck.

"You need someone to talk about this, Jack."

He didn't react.

"Since you can't tell me, who else is there you could talk to?"

He sighed at her persistence.

"Someone with clearance you mean?"

"Yes."

"That would be the team, the general and the shrink."

"And?"

"I did talk to the shrink. No way will I bare my soul to that guy."

"General Hammond is a good man -"

"And my CO. No."

"Sam?"

"No way. I'm not imposing this mess on her. She feels guilty anyway for not getting to me earlier."

"Your new team member – uhm, Jonas? I guess he's too new?"

"I barely know the guy."

"So that leaves Murray."

"Yeah. That leaves Murray."

"So? Could you talk to him?"

"Well he's not the talkative type."

"He's a real friend, right? Someone you trust?"

"With my life. Not necessarily with my soul."

"Would he understand?"

Jack thought back to everything T had been through. Yes. He would.

"Somehow it just doesn't feel right."

"Find something that does."

He turned and finally looked at her.

"What'd you mean?"

She moved away from him. They were seated on the floor now, facing each other.

"I don't know. Maybe you don't have to sit down to talk. Just – spend some time with him."

He closed his eyes and let his head rest back against the couch.

"I could do that, I guess."

~o0o~

A few hours later the phone rang. Evelyn considered picking it up for a moment, but decided against it. When the answering machine activated she heard Jack's voice.

"Evelyn? Pick up that phone, it's me."

He sounded strange, and she immediately knew this was urgent.

"Jack? Where are you?"

"I'm parked about three blocks from my house. Don't think I can drive."

"OK, stay put. I'll come and get you."

She memorized what he told her about the direction and moved out. She knew her body and especially her legs, and she knew what she could and could no do. She felt like taking off at top speed, but she knew she would be no good to Jack by the time she reached him if she did that. So she forced herself into the slow but steady pace that she had gotten used to after her accident. To keep her mind away from what might have happened to Jack she thought back to the endless hours of training she had gone through, to the patience and determination Chris, her physiotherapist, had shown until she had finally been back on her own two feet. The last time her knees had given way was months back, and she hoped they wouldn't forsake her now of all times.

She spotted Jack's truck as soon as she turned the corner. Picking up the pace she closed the distance and tapped at the window. He looked terrible. He was awfully pale beneath his usual tan, there was a thin layer of sweat on his face, and when she looked closely she could see his hands were shaking. He simply looked completely drained.

"Jack? What on earth happened to you?"

"I'm OK, just – overdid a little."

"You – what?"

"Can you get me home – please?"

"Sure. Move over."

She got in the car and started the engine. Jack was silent. She looked at him from the corner of her eye while she drove. His head lay back against the head rest. Maybe he was asleep. When they arrived at his house she turned to fully look at him.

"Wanna tell me -"

"Please, Evelyn, can we get in?"

She wasn't sure if he'd make it there on his own, but apparently he thought he would. She was relieved when he finally reached his couch, sitting down for a moment and then laying back. She still didn't know what to make of this. He looked like he had collapsed after pushing himself too far, but he was in perfect shape and certainly knew his limits. This didn't make sense. Unless - he had done this deliberately. Exhausted himself until there was nothing left. It was self destructive, but maybe liberating at the same time. Or so she hoped.

"Did you meet Murray?"

"Head on", he mumbled without opening his eyes.

Evelyn couldn't believe it.

"You are telling me you were sparring and he let it go this far?"

Jack sat up and looked at her.

"No. When he thought I had enough he refused to go on. God, I dealt him blow after blow. I was so pissed, out of control. Nobody but Murray could have dealt with that."

He winced.

"I did land one or two..."

Evelyn couldn't help but smile.

"I guess he'll live."

"Yeah. I guess."

When Jack didn't seem to feel like going on she pressed him on:

"So? If Murray knew when it's enough...?"

"I left the base and drove here, but on the way I was still restless. So I parked the truck and went for a run, mostly uphill, until I really couldn't go on any more. Guess I should have stopped in time to be able to drive...sorry. Not very reasonable."

Evelyn shook her head, but her smile was still there. She was relieved to know that he was OK. He might even be feeling better she thought. Really better.

"You're aware that you'll be all stiff and sore tomorrow?"

"M-hm."

"Tell you what. Why don't you get into the tub and I make dinner in the meantime. You must be seriously hypoglycemic."

For a moment she thought he'd protest, but then he simply got up. Halfway through the door he stopped and looked at her.

"You know you don't have to do this. Any of this. I didn't even say thank you for picking me up. Hell, I didn't even think about your legs."

She stepped closer and lightly touched his shoulder.

"I'm OK, Jack. You're welcome."

She turned towards the kitchen.

"Get into that tub. If there's no sound I'll come check if you drowned."

When dinner was ready and the table was set and there was still no sign of him she seriously wondered what was up. She knocked at the bathroom door but didn't get an answer, so she carefully entered. And found him sound asleep. He looked exhausted, but relaxed. Affection hit her. Hard. She had convinced herself that she was his friend and nothing else, but seeing him like this blew her self control to pieces. He was done, and vulnerable – and very naked. She sat down on the edge of the tub and looked at his face. When he still didn't stir she bent down to place a light kiss on his forehead.

"Hey sleepyhead. Water has to be stone cold by now."

She had been afraid she might startle him, but he just opened his eyes and smiled up at her.

"Come in and find out."

She laughed out loud and got up.

"Get out of there or the pasta will be cold as well", she called back over her shoulder. Back at the kitchen she had to sit down. She didn't want this. She knew how he felt about Sam, and her and Jack had been so long ago. And yet she couldn't help but imagine him while he got out of the tub. Oh she remembered that body...

Her heart stopped when she felt his hands on her shoulders. Oh God she had zoned out completely and didn't even notice him coming down the hall! She couldn't do this. How could she sit across the table from him, making conversation over pasta when inside she was dying to touch him. She closed her eyes against the sudden sting of tears. She recognized the signs. She was coming down from some sort of adrenaline high after all they had been through today, and she was close to losing it. Royally. He noticed without even seeing her face.

"Hey", he said, his hands still on her shoulders. "It's OK."

'No, it's not', she was trying to say, but she couldn't. Neither could she prevent the tears from running down her cheeks any longer.

"Hey", he said again, squatting down next to her, and she turned to him and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He held her until she had calmed down.

"Now the pasta's definitively cold", she saidwith a trace of tears still in her voice.

"Microwave", Jack said and took care of their plates. They ate in silence, but it was a comfortable, if a little exhausted silence. After they had finished he got up and held his hand out to her, leading her back to the living room. They sat down on the couch side by side.

"You wanna tell me what the tears were about?"

There it was again. She couldn't put it in words, so she forced herself to look at him, let him see. She could tell the exact moment he understood. And she was aware of how rare it was for him to actually let it show. It only served to make things worse. She swallowed once and took a deep breath, and when she spoke there was something like pain in her voice:

"I'm aching for you, Jack. This is killing me."

He couldn't resist. A storm of emotions raced over him. He was so tired, so sore, and so shaken. He didn't care if it was for her comfort or his or both, and he didn't care if anyone thought it might be wrong. He needed her. He fixed his eyes on hers. It was still there, and it touched something in his soul and made his body respond. She closed her eyes and leaned into him. They kissed, softly, even shyly, until they were both sure it was what the other wanted. And then it turned into passion, and lust, and need. They remembered each other. Evelyn forced herself to go slow. She relished sliding her hands under his t-shirt. She slipped it over his head ever so slowly, enjoying every chance to touch him. He settled back against the couch, happy to let her have her way. Why had he denied himself to feel this, he wondered. She was amazing, tender and devoted and yet so strong. When she reached for his belt he stopped her.

"Wait", he said, hoarse and low, lust evident in his eyes. He wanted this to last. He sat up, bending into her, kissing her throat until she moaned under his mouth.

"Please take me to bed, Jack", she said, and all mockery and banter was gone from her voice. She needed him, she wanted him, and she was willing to beg. He considered carrying her for a moment, but realized his back probably wouldn't withstand that. So he just got up and took her hand. She turned to look at him, and her eyes never left his while she let him direct her backwards towards the bedroom. She sat down on the bed, reaching for his belt again, and this time he didn't stop her. He just closed his eyes, and his head fell back. She opened his belt and his jeans, and he vibrated with anticipation. But she took her time, reining in her desire. She stroked him through his briefs, sliding his jeans down with her other hand, and then her lips followed her fingers. He was starting to lose himself in her touch – so good. No. Wait. He stopped her again. She looked up at him, and everything she felt for him was there: lust, desire, devotion. He swallowed hard. Maybe this was wrong. Maybe he didn't deserve this. Maybe – she ran the tip of her tongue across his stomach, just above the waistband. Maybe he just didn't care. He pulled her up and kissed her more fiercely then before, his hands framing her face. She responded to him, melting into his body, opening up to him. He moaned into her mouth, and it evoked an incredible rush of heat right from her core. Her knees gave way. Literally. He caught her against his body and held her for a moment.

"Didn't you say you wanted me to take you to bed?"

He still held her, equal parts unsure if she would be able to stand and not wanting to let go.

"Yes, I did."

He decided his back was just fine and lifted her up. She snuggled against his chest, her face against his neck, breathing in his scent. For a moment he stood perfectly still, feeling her lips on his skin, and there was the tip of her tongue trailing along his collar bone. And then he gently laid her down on the bed and propped himself up on his elbow next to her. Again she had to look up at him, and again he thought she was adorable. She reached up to touch his cheek. Her fingers moved over his jaw.

"You are amazing, Jack", she said, and there was plain love in it. He bent down and covered her mouth in a slow, sensual kiss. She couldn't stop the moan that escaped her, nor could she keep her body from arching up against him. She reached out to put her hands on his shoulder blades, pulling him down, desperately needing to feel him, and spread her legs for him. When she felt the full weight of his body her head fell back and her hips moved against him. How could she want him this badly! He stilled, taking in her scent, the warmth of her skin, and started trailing kisses from her throat to her stomach. She squirmed beneath his mouth, wanting to be rid of her pants. For a moment she was afraid he'd stall, but he pulled them down in one go, along with her panties and socks, and buried his face in her lap. She let out a moan that was almost a sob.

"You're so wet for me", he breathed, and it turned her on even more. She wanted him, needed him so badly it hurt.

"Please take me!"

She was begging, and she couldn't care less. She'd surrender to him completely, trusting him, giving him everything she had, aiming to please him. She could hear his jaw set. He got rid of his briefs, and then he entered her, slow and deep, thrust after thrust. She lifted her hips to meet him, and he grabbed a pillow and put it under her butt. The new angle made her gasp. She dug her nails into his back, and he arched into her. She felt her climax approach, much quicker than she'd expected, and she cried out, muffled against his chest as she came. He held her against him, not sure if she was getting enough air, but needing her to ground himself. He was so close, but he refused to let go. Not yet. Make it last. Make us last. She kissed his chest and he let go.

"Roll over", she panted, and he complied. When she lowered herself down on him he groaned and grabbed her butt with both hands. She started a slow sweet pace that almost made him lose his mind. When she picked up the pace he grit his teeth and his head hit the pillow.

"You want me to finish you off?", she rasped right into his ear.

"Oh God yes!"

She laced her fingers with his, holding his hands down on the bed, and a moment later he came. She let him ride it out, moving with him until he stilled, and then she collapsed onto his body.

"So good", he mumbled against her neck, and she just smiled and kissed his shoulder. So true.

~o0o~

They lay side by side, each lost in thought. When Evelyn finally turned to look at him she was shocked to see the tension around his eyes and the brutal gritting of his teeth. He didn't meet her eyes and it broke her heart. He was regretting this!

"Hey", she whispered, her eyes pleading with him to look at her. He briefly closed his eyes and swallowed, and then he turned to her.

"I'm sorry, Evelyn. God I'm so sorry. This shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have -"

"Shhh."

She shook her head with a small smile.

"I'm not - sorry, I mean. And what do you mean you shouldn't have?"

Her smile got wider as she propped herself up on her elbow." The way I remember it there were two people involved."

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. More seriously she went on:

"Don't you dare feel guilty about this, Jack. We don't owe anything to anybody, and we both needed this. So what's wrong about it?"

"I don't care about anybody. This is about you. I regret taking advantage of – what you feel for me. I'm scared to the bone I screwed up – again. I'm scared this will come back to bite us in our lovely asses, and I'm sorry I'm making this so hard on you."

"Jack, please. I'm fine! I don't know why it doesn't hurt, but the fact is - it doesn't. Maybe this was what I needed to – I don't know, finally get over you."

He burst out laughing.

"Now that's sweet, thank you very much."

She realized what it must have had sounded like and started laughing, too. It took her some time until she could speak again. Wiping the tears from her eyes she said:

"If I had known this would work I'd jumped you years ago."

It made him chuckle, and all of a sudden he realized he wasn't miserable. Things were starting to look brighter, and life would eventually be good. He really didn't understand how he could possibly deserve this woman in his life, but if she was OK with being part of it who was he to complain. He framed her face with his hands and looked at her, all serious now.

"I'm eternally grateful to have you in my life, Evelyn."

And that brought fresh tears to her eyes, so she closed them with a smile that got wide and warm when she felt his lips brush against her temple.

"So am I", she said, and for the first time since Second Lieutenant Jonathan J. O'Neill had stood to attention in her office millennia ago she felt completely at ease around him. Yes, she still loved him, and no, it didn't hurt anymore.

The end

I'd like to say thank you for sticking with me on the ride. I greatly enjoyed writing this story. Now it's time to move on. Who knows, maybe I'll come back to Evelyn - whom I've grown quite fond of - some day. Take care everybody.