This is one of the most insane things I've ever written…and for me, that's saying something. It took me over two months to gather the proper songs, assign lyrics to each character, and forge a phony plotline to make it look like there was a point to this story other than making our favorite characters sing.
There wasn't. ^_^ Happy Holidays!
Xmas Medley
The scene opens to the outside of the Xavier mansion, which has been colorfully decorated with numerous lights on almost every last corner. White frost outlines most of the windows, and even the trees have pieces of tinsel hanging from them.
It's a beautiful sight, indeed.
The camera zooms into one of the lower windows, and into the Institute's main room. The X-men, Brotherhood, and even a number of Magneto's Apocolytes (including Magneto, himself) are all gathered for an early tree-trimming ceremony.
Brotherhood and X-men alike seem to be getting along rather well, despite their whole rivalry-thing going (with the obvious exception of Evan and Pietro…but Ryo had made both boys promise to behave for at least the evening, and both Wanda and Ororo made sure the boys KEPT their promise). Even Wanda looks like she's enjoying herself, though she'd probably never admit it.
Gambit is obviously fitting right in, having found a place on the bottom of the stairway for himself and Rogue to chat and enjoy one another's company. Pyro had gotten bored soon after Magneto told him he COULDN'T set the tree on fire—oh, don't think the boy didn't try! —and had eventually fallen asleep, conveniently right next to the fireplace.
Pyro: I'm not really in this fic. Think of it as a special cameo appearance, mate!
Colossus had transformed into his metal-form earlier, and helps Kitty and Jean with some of the taller branches of the tree, while the New Recruits (including countless numbers of clones Jamie made of himself to make the process go along faster) deal with the lower branches.
Ororo floats over the roof of the mansion, working on a gentle shower of snow outside, and Hank resides in the kitchen whipping up batches of Egg Nog (which thrilled Ryo, who was addicted to the stuff like mad). Non-Alcoholic, of course…at least, he hoped so. Logan sits over by Xavier, both whom had the exhilarating task of untangling the mile-long Christmas tree lights.
Now, of course, those lights aren't REALLY a mile long…but Logan certainly begs to differ.
It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas plays softly on the overhead speakers as the front door opens and Kurt enthusiastically greets Amanda, whom the Professor had allowed him to invite for the party. It wasn't long before she, too, became overwhelmed by the holiday spirit and decorating task, choosing to help Kurt hang some of the ceiling decorations by holding the ladder for him.
The camera then shifts over to one corner of the room, where Pietro, Todd, and Fred stand on a make-shift stage. Lance sits in a stool off to the side, tuning his guitar. Gaining some help from the nearby, conveniently-placed piano, he's all set in a matter of moments. With a nod from the other members, he starts playing a very familiar Christmas tune.
Lance: All right, Brotherhood! Ready to sing your song?
Todd: I'll say we are!
Fred: Yeah!
Pietro: Let's sing it now!
Lance: Okay, Fred?
Fred: Okay!
Lance: Okay, Todd?
Todd: Okay!
Lance: Okay, Pietro?
*silence*
Lance: …Pietro?
*silence*
Lance: PIETRO!
Pietro: OKAY!
P/T/F: Christmas, Christmas time is near!
Time for toys and time for cheer!
We've been good, but we can't last!
Hurry, Christmas, hurry fast!
Want a plane that loops-the-loop!
Pietro: Me, I want a huuula-hoop!
He swivels his hips around as if to accent his point, earning a mass rolling of the eyes from most of the onlookers of the room from where they stood/sat. Some ignore him, but continue listening to the song.
P/T/F: We can hardly stand the wait!
Please, Christmas, don't be late!
During the musical interlude, in which Lance continues to strum his guitar softly, the three boys all stand side-by-side together with their hands in a praying position in front of them, looking up to the heavens completely "innocent-like," and bop-sway back and forth (you know what I mean!) to the beat in a very silly manner.
Some of the younger audience members giggle at their little routine. The older members aren't fooled.
Lance: Okay, guys, get ready. That was very good, Todd.
Todd: *blows fingernails* Naturally.
Lance: Very good, Fred.
Fred: Hehehehe…
Lance: Ah, Pietro…you were a little flat. Watch it.
*silence*
Lance: Ah, Pietro?
*silence*
Lance: …Pietro?
*silence*
Lance: PIETRO!
Pietro: OKAY!
P/T/F: Want a plane that loops-the-loop.
Pietro: I still want that hula hoop!
P/F/T: We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late!
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late!
Lance: Very good, guys.
Todd: Let's sing it again!
Fred: yeah let's sing it again!
Lance: No, that's enough…let's not overdo it.
Pietro: What do you mean, overdo it?
Todd: We want to sing it again!
Lance: Now, wait a minute, boys…
Fred: Why can't we sing it again?
The boys start ganging up on Lance, who backs up in slight fear as they speak in rapid, chipmunk-like chatter.
Lance: Pietro, cut that out…Fred, just a minute…Todd, will you cut that out? Boys…AHHHH!
As Lance runs like heck all over the room, being followed by rabid, chipmunk-wannabes, Wolverine watches with a growl and turns to Xavier.
Logan: "Well, I think it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, wouldn't you say Chuck?"
After the carnage…
Pietro was on a mission.
A rather silly mission, but a mission none the less. He even dressed the part, donning one of his many self-made costumes. Black leather pants with a matching jacket, boots, and gloves gave a dull shine off the ceiling lights. His silver hair was covered underneath a solid-black, woolen ski cap, and he even put on a pair of rose-tinted goggles ("night vision" goggles) to complete the look.
Pietro: "Scott Summers, eat your heart out."
The theme from Mission Impossible II plays somewhere in the background as he sneaks around the back of the buffet table. He quickly darts his eyes back and forth before slipping under the table. There, he spots a well-placed black, leather bag. It is in this bag he finds his desired cargo: a small, unlabeled, brown bottle. As he holds it up to examine it, an evil chuckle escapes his lips before he sneaks out from under the table…
…and comes face-to-face with Ryo.
He attempts to hide the bottle behind his back.
Pietro: "Umm…I can explain…see—"
Ryo: "You're planning to spike the 'nog, aren't ya?"
Pietro: "Er…"
She points to the bowl.
Ryo: "It's about time! Now dump the stuff in a'fore Mr. McCoy comes back!"
Pausing a full second to blink in surprise, Pietro continues on his task, walking over to the bowl and removing the cork from the container. He glances briefly right to left and holds the entire bottle over the egg nog. His egotistical evil laughter returns.
Nothing comes out of the bottle.
He blinks again
Pietro: *confused* "…what?"
He holds the bottle upside-down and looks into it.
Pietro: "It's empty! But…"
Just then, a maniacally-cackling Remy runs by with half a dozen bottles in his arms.
Remy: "'s mine, I tell y'…all MINE!"
He runs out of the room, still laughing.
Ryo/Pietro: …
Rogue watches them from her spot on the couch.
Rogue: "Looks like Rem got his Christmas wish this year!"
Todd: "Wait…you guys made wishes? Where was I?"
Rogue: "Y'all hadn' gotten hear yet."
Todd: "Well, I wanna make my Christmas Wish now, yo! Hmm…I wish…"
He closes his eyes and silently makes a wish. Lance turns to Fred.
Lance: "Ten bucks it's got somethin' to do with Wanda."
Fred: "You're on!"
Over on the love seat adjacent to Rogue, Bobby and Jubilee sit together, all snuggled up romantic-like. Ray and Tabbitha take up the couch next to them, while Kurt, Amanda, Sam, and Rahne all share the last one. Kurt and Amanda sit together, while Sam and Rahne sit on opposite ends and occasionally sneak a glance at one another.
The rest of the new mutants huddled together on the carpet as Jamie set up the Christmas movie: The Grinch (it had been a unanimous decision). Lance sits over to the side in one corner with Todd, Fred and a frighteningly tranquil Wanda, not wishing to find himself involved yet often glancing over where Kitty and Jean were finishing up the last bits of the tree. Scott is doing the same thing as Lance from where he sat on the steps, and together the two were unaware of the glances thrown in their direction by the girls.
Todd's and Rogue's conversation is overheard by the group, and the subject of Christmas wishes and presents comes up. Jubilee turns to her boyfriend.
Jubilee: "What do you want for Christmas, Drake?"
He grins at her ominously.
Bobby: "I've already got my gift."
A couple of pillows his him square in the face from Roberto, Ray, and Tabbitha.
R/R/T: "CHEESE!"
Bobby: "Well, it may be cheesy, but it's true!"
Bobby: I don't want a lot for Christmas;
There's just one thing I need
Jean absentmindedly allows her sight to wander over to a certain shade-wearing X-man.
Jean: I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
Rahne rests an elbow on the couch armrest, sighing as she wills herself NOT to stare at Sam.
Rahne: I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
From where she stands beneath the tree, Kitty meets eyes with Lance and waves. He waves back with a smile.
Lance: Make my wish come true…
All I want for Christmas
Is you…
Tabbitha happily slides down from her seat so she can lay diagonally on the couch, resting her head in Ray's lap. He doesn't complain.
Tabby: I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
Sam watches Rahne not-watching him.
Sam: I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
Kurt happily faces Amanda, singing to her directly. He places his nose on hers cutely with a grin.
Kurt: I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Running one hand through Tabby's hair, Ray takes her hand into his free one, intertwining their fingers.
Ray: Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
From where he sits, Scott watches Jean intently.
Scott: I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Jubilee gives Bobby a peck on the cheek and rests her head on his shoulder.
Jubilee: Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you…
All: You, baby
As Kitty reaches some of the higher branches, she spots a beautiful snowflake ornament, fingering it gently as if it would break.
Kitty: I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
Bobby: I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
Kurt: I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
Rahne: I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
Sam: 'Cause I just want you here, tonight
Holding on to me so tight
Lance: What more can I do
All: Baby, all I want for Christmas is you
You…
Amanda gestures outside the window and then around the room..
Amanda: All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
Near an open window, the sounds of a bunch of kids playing near the Institute gates could be heard.
Tabbitha: And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
Jean places a hand to her forehead and hears various holiday activities going on around Bayville.
Jean: And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
All: Santa won't you bring me the one I really need—
Won't you please bring my baby to me…
Ray: Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
Bobby turns Jubilee in his arms so he has them wrapped around her stomach, swaying her back and forth slightly to the beat. She smiles serenely at him and plays along.
Bobby: I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Rahne: Oh, I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Guys: Make my wish come true
Girls: Baby all I want for Christmas is…
All: You…
As Bobby and Jubilee continue their embrace, his head resting on her shoulder from behind, Sam gets up and walks over to where Rahne sits, whispering something in her ear to cause her to blush and nod. Even Tabby, still lying on the couch with her head in Ray's lap, places her fingers to her lips, than his in a romantic gesture. He gently kisses her fingers in return.
Meanwhile, Toad watches from his seat, looking over at Wanda. She leans against a nearby wall, doing her absolute best to remain distant from the group while carefully observing each and every one of them. She feels Todd's eyes watching her, turning to meet him with a scowl. He's grinning like mad.
Todd: "Kinda gives you an idea, eh?"
Wanda: "Ugh, you just don't get it, do you?"
Toad: "Get what, Cuddlebumps?"
Wanda glares furiously, and the lights on the tree all blow out.
Logan: *from behind the tree* "MAXIMOFF!"
Pietro: "I didn't do it!"
Once Wanda gets her anger somewhat under control, she pushes away from the wall, and walks over to meet him eye-to-eye…
Wanda: "…those aren't my eyes, Frog-boy!"
Todd: "Oh, I…uh…well…"
Wanda: "You're WORSE than the Grinch, you know that?"
Todd: "Grinch? …you mean, like the movie?"
In the background, the movie begins to play the theme song, and Wanda starts singing along…sort of.
Wanda: You're a green one, Mr. Grinch
And all you do is steal.
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel
Mr. Grinch
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!
Fred looks up and sees his buddy getting attacked by the Scarlet Witch.
Fred: "Hey, y'know…you could be a little nicer to the guy. He's just trying to say he likes you, is all!"
Fred: You're a monster, Mr. Grinch
Your heart's an empty hole
He abruptly stops, though, when Wanda's eyes almost glow red with anger. Letting out a small "eep," The Invulnerable Blob sits back down feebly to watch the movie. She turns back to the frog-like boy still standing right in front of her.
Wanda: Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic on your… "ugh, breath" … Mr. Grinch
I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch
You have termites in your smile
Todd: "Hey, I just had lunch!"
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile
Mr. Grinch
Given a choice between the two of you, I'd take the…
Todd: *hopefully* Toad?
Seasick crocodile!
You're a bother, Mr. Grinch
You're the king of migraine lots
Your skin's a dead tomato splotched with moldy green-ish spots
Mr. Grinch
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with…
Todd: "….sugary sweetness?"
Arsenic Sauce!
You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch
With a nauseous super "naus"!
You're a crooked dirty pick-pock and you drive me up the wall,
Mr. Grinch.
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in a…
…tangled up ball!
The rest of the brotherhood comes up behind Wanda, but none of them are brave enough to say anything and risk angering her further. They just stand back and watch, helplessly, as she shoots the Toad down even further.
You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch
You're a nasty, wansty skunk
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk
Mr. Grinch,
The three words that best describe you are as follows
And I quote:
She reaches over and grabs the nearby bowl of egg nog, much to Ryo's protest.
Stink...
She lifts it up over Todd's head.
Stank...
With great pleasure, she dumps the entire contents on Todd's head…bowl and all.
Stunk!
Wanda marches off in a huff, leaving Todd standing there with egg nog dripping all over. He lifts the bowl just as the others walk over.
Todd: "…I think she likes me!"
The others sadly shake their heads at the poor boy. Ryo mourns over the loss of her precious egg nog, until Xavier sends her a telepathic message.
***do not worry…there is more egg nog in the kitch—***
He barely finishes his sentence before she makes a beeline for the door.
Two cartons of egg nog later…
After the movie ends, everybody sets about in their own manner.
Scott and Jean head out to drive to the store to pick up some things for the professor, and most of the others just kind of hang around, seeing as most of the decorations were finished. The New Recruits all gather together in their usual huddle, upon Jubilee's request, to hear the piece of info she wanted to tell them. Huddling up so no one else can here, Jubilee whispers to them with excitement clearly evident on her face.
Jubilee: "You guys'll never guess what I saw happen last night!"
Rahne: "What happened?"
Bobby: " C'mon, Jubes…tell us!"
Jubilee: "Well…"
Jubilee: I saw 'Roro kissing Wolvie-Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
Bobby: "No way! Really?"
Jubilee: "Really!"
She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
Rahne: "I was wondering where you were last night…you never did come back to the room, though."
Jubilee and Bobby's eyes meet from across the circle, and they give each other devious grins. The others watch them for a moment, turning their heads back and forth, before Tabby speaks up.
Tabby: *squealing* "…you didn't!"
Rather than the expected blushing…the couple start to laugh.
Jubilee: *in between giggles* "No, we didn't…actually, you'll find out a little later on. Now hush, and lemme finish the story!"
Amara: "You mean there's MORE!"
Jubilee nods.
Jubilee: Then…
I saw 'Roro tickle Wolvie-Claus
Underneath his bear so snowy white;
Everyone laughs at the mental images that come to their minds.
Oh what a laugh it would have been if you guys had only seen
'Roro kissing Wolvie Claus last night!
Tabby: *though giggle fits* "Oh, man…that's priceless! You didn't get pictures, did you?"
Jubilee: "Unfortunately, no…I didn't have a camera with me."
A shadow suddenly comes up behind them.
Logan: *in usual gruff voice* "What are you kids up to?"
They all turn to one another momentarily before bursts into hysterics, collapsing to the floor in one giant heap. Logan simply raises an eyebrow in response, drawing further laughter from the bunch. Many of the others around them gave them an odd look, wondering what all the commotion was about…but then wisely decided it was probably better NOT to find out.
Especially if it involved laughing at Wolverine.
Some time after they calm down…
Getting up from fixing the tree post (let's just say…there could have been a big problem if Jean hadn't used her telekinesis to straighten the tree before it hit the ground), Colossus brushes off the bits of bark from his hands. Noticing one comrade is conveniently missing—though he could have almost sworn he heard a rendition of "Cajun Christmas" coming from the ventilation system next to where he stood at one point—and the other is fast asleep, he surveys his options.
Now, being metal may have been really good when it comes to super strength, but it also drew in the cold like nobody's business. Thus, going over next to the fireplace seemed like the best option. On the way, he passes by the refreshment table. Ryo sees him coming and stares at him oddly for a moment.
Ryo: …didn't I see you in The Wizard of OZ?
Pausing to blink at her, he shakes his head and continued over. He sits a few feet away from the fire (which appeared to be taking on the form of a few girls in bikinis; given the grin on St. John's face, it wasn't hard to figure where the images came from.) and pulls a book off the shelf to read.
Kitty sits over towards the back of the room, lighting one of the candles of the menorah Xavier had given her. She blew out the match, stared at the single burning candle for a moment, then turned to survey the rest of her surroundings. It felt a bit strange to her, which was why she had retreated to the back of the room.
Ryo was the first to notice the girl's apparent discomfort, watching her carefully from the rim of her cup. Evan walks up to her and raises an eyebrow.
Evan: "Um, Ry…how many cups have you had?"
Ryo: "Oh, I don't know…four…forty…does it matter? *hic* S'not like there's any alcohol in here. Remy took care of that."
Evan: "Yeah, I know…by taking all the liquor bottles."
The sound of evil cackling is heard for a brief moment, echoing through the halls. Nobody seems to hear it.
Ryo: *starts giggling* "Now if you'll excuse, I gots me a friend to go cheer up!"
She tosses the cup over her shoulder absently, and practically skips over to where Kitty sits. Evan watches her go, then decides to test the eggnog for any foreign substance whatsoever before he willingly drinks it.
Kitty looks up to find Ryo staring at her with an innocent smile.
Ryo: "Hey, Kitty…what's wrong?"
Kitty: *sighing* "Nothing much. This is my first Christmas, after all."
Ryo: "Oh, that's right! You're Jewish, aren't you?"
Kitty: *nods*
Ryo: "hmm…"
Ryo gives a quick survey of the room, and spots Lance over in the corner fiddling with his guitar. This gives her an idea…
She rushes over to him.
Ryo: "Hey, Lancey-boy!"
He looks up at her, eyebrow raised.
Lance: " 'Lancey-boy'? You've been spending too much time with Pietro."
Ryo: "Yeah, yeah, so I've been told. Listen, I've got an idea, but I need your help."
She whispers something into his ear, and before receiving any confirmation, drags him back over to Kitty. She watches the whole thing with a touch of amusement and more than a little bit of curiosity.
Ryo: "All right, Lance…you know what to do. Key of…oh…let's make it E-flat."
Lance: "You got it."
He starts playing his guitar and Ryo somehow manages to acquire a microphone.
Kitty: "Um…what are you doing?"
Ryo: "What do you think? We've been doing Christmas for most of the evening, so it's time for a Hanukkah song. And not just any Hanukkah song…THE Hanukkah song!"
Kitty: "Oh, boy…"
Ryo: Put on your yarmulke, here comes Hanukkah
It's so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah!
Kitty: "'fun-akkah'?"
Ryo: "Hey, you try rhyming words with Hanukkah!"
Ryo: Hanukkah is…the Festival of Lights.
Instead of one day of presents, you have eight crazy nights.
When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree…
Here's a list of people who are Jewish, just like you, Kitty:
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah
Guess who eats together at the Karnickey Deli?
Kitty: "Who?"
Bowzer from Sha-na-na and Arthur Fonzerrelli.
Kitty: "Wait…you mean the guy from Happy Days?"
Ryo: "That's the one."
Kitty: "I never knew that!"
Paul Newman's half Jewish; Goldie Hawn's half too…
Put them together—what a fine looking Jew!
By this time, a number of people got up from watching to movie to see Lance and Ryo. They all sit gathered around the invisible stage, some clapping in time to the beat.
You don't need Deck the Halls or Jingle Bell Rock
'Cause you can Spin the Dreidal with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spok—both Jewish!
Put on your yarmulke, it's time for Hanukkah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonic-ahs celebrates Hanukkah
O.J. Simpson…
*beat*
…not a Jew!
Everybody cracks up. Even Ryo herself has a hard time controlling her giggles.
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish—not too shabby!
Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Kitty: "…hey, waitasecond…"
Well, he's not, but guess who is: all three stooges!
Kitty: "Ryo!"
Ryo: "Don't look at me; I didn't write the lyrics!"
So many Jews are in show biz—Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is.
Tell your friend Veronica,
Kitty: "Who's Veronica?"
Ryo: "Not now, I'm on a roll!"
…it's time you celebrate Hanukkah
I hope you get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely Hanukkah
So drink your gin and tonic-ah, and smoke your marijuana-kah
Remy briefly pops his head in through the doorway…
Remy: "Amen to that!"
…then quickly vanishes.
If you really, really wanna-kah, have a happy-happy-happy-happy Hanukkah!
Lance finishes with a flourish, and he and Ryo bow to the massive applause they receive.
Kitty: "Wow, that was great! Thank Ryo."
Ryo: " 'welcome! Wanna hear the other two parts of the song?"
Kitty: *quickly* "No! That's…okay…"
She then turns to Lance, her voice softening a bit.
Kitty: "…thanks, Lance."
He responds casually, not bothering to look up from his guitar.
Lance: "No problem…"
She looks a little bit hurt of this, but tries not to let it show.
Later still…
As the evening wears on, many people remember some last-minute things they have to do for the holidays. Amanda and Kurt sit over at the nearby desk area to write out some last-minute Christmas cards to friends and family, while Jean sits next to them with some important-looking papers in her hands. After Wanda's earlier outburst, Logan had to remove all the broken lights off the tree and untangle a new cord.
Needless to say, he wasn't very happy about it.
Logan: *muttering* "Merry Flamin' Christmas, all right…and all the troubles that come with it!"
Kitty: "What?"
Logan: "Trust me, Half-Pint…you got it easy. No big-a—er—big tree to lug in, no decorations to haul down. Just a nice, little candlestick and eight candles…." *to himself* "Hmm, I wonder if it's too late to convert."
Tabby: "He's right, Kitty…all the fun Christmas is, there are some rather annoying pains to it."
Kitty: "Really?"
Everybody present nods in agreement.
All: The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…
Is finding a Christmas tree.
All: The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Logan: *sitting in a corner, fiddling with the tree lights* Rigging up the lights.
All: And Finding a Christmas Tree!
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Remy: *wanders into the room clutching his head* Hangovers…
Logan: Rigging up the lights…
All: And Finding a Christmas Tree!
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Kurt: *can't hold his pen right with only three fingers* Sending Christmas cards…
Remy: Hangovers…
Logan: Rigging up the lights…
All: And finding a Christmas tree!
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Xavier/Magneto: Five months of bills!
Kurt: Sending Christmas cards…
Remy: Hangovers…
Logan: Rigging up the lights…
All: And finding a Christmas tree!
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Ororo: Facing my in-laws…
Xavier/Magneto: Five months of bills!
Kurt: Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!…
Remy: Hangovers…
Logan: *getting frustrated* Rigging up these lights…
All: And finding a Christmas Tree!
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Jean: The Salvation Army…
Rogue: "Ah thought you liked doin' all that stuff, Jeannie?"
Jean: *holds up her papers* "You'd feel the same way if you were signed up for FIFTEEN different charities in one season!"
Ororo: Facing my in-laws…
Xavier/Magneto: Five months of bills!
Kurt: Sending Christmas cards…
Remy: *not feeling so good* ohhh geeez…
Logan: …I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!
All: And finding a Christmas Tree!
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Jamie: *shouting* I want a transformer for Christmas!
Jean: Charities, and what do you mean "your in-laws"?…
Ororo: "My sister is married, remember?"
Xavier/Magneto: Five months of bills!
Kurt: Ugh…making up these cards…
Remy: Oh, Roguey, get me a beer, huh?
Rogue: "What do Ah look like, ya maid?"
Logan: *looking through a HUGE box* What, we have no extension cords?
All: And finding a Christmas tree!
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Kitty: Finding parking spaces…
Logan/Scott: *in fear* "DEAR GOD, WHO GAVE HER THE KEYS?"
Jamie: Professor, I want some candy!
Jean: Donations…
Ororo: Facing my in-laws…
Xavier/Magneto: Five months of bills!
Kurt: Writing out those Christmas cards…
Remy: Hangovers…
Logan: *finally got the lights on the tree* …now why the hell are they BLINKING?
All: And finding a Christmas tree!
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Ray: Batteries-not-included…
Kitty: No parking spaces…
Logan/Scott: *twitch*
Jamie: *to Xavier* Buy me something!
Jean: *opens a window and yells out* Get a job, you bums!
Ororo: Facing my in-laws
Xavier/Magneto: Five months of bills!
Kurt: *sarcastically* Yo-ho…sending Christmas Cards…
Remy: Oh, geez…look at this…
Logan: *vein throbbing* One light goes out, they all go out!
All: And finding a Christmas tree!
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Fred: Stale T.V. specials…
Ray: Batteries-not-included…
Kitty: No parking spaces…
Scott and Logan both check to see their keys are safe in their pockets.
Jamie: *stuck under a pile of boxes and wrapping* Um…I gotta go to the bathroom…
Jamie: Charities…
Ororo: She's a witch; I hate her!
Wanda: "Hey, watch it!"
Xavier/Magneto: Five months of bills!
Kurt: *shifting through name lists* I don't even know half these people…
Remy: Oh, who has the toilet paper?
Rogue: "Allrit, Rem…Ah think it's time to start cuttin' back a lil bit, 'kay?"
*lights suddenly go out*
Logan: Get a flashlight; I blew a fuse!
*a few seconds later, the lights come back on*
All: And finding a Christmas tree!
The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Wanda: Singing Christmas Carols…
Fred: Stale T.V. Specials…
Ray: Batteries-not-included…("Hey, wait a sec…I don't need batteries!")
Kitty: No Parking…
Scott and Logan run to the window to make sure all vehicles are present and accountant for
Jamie: [starts crying…loudly]
Jean: *banging her head against her desk* Charities…
Ororo: Gotta make 'em dinner…
Xavier/Magneto: Five months of bills!
Kurt: *throws the pen down* I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
Remy: Shut up, you…
Logan: *throws the lights at Xavier* Fine! You're so smart, YOU rig up the lights! *stomps out of the room*
All: …and finding a Christmas Tree!
Kitty: "Wow…it's times like these I'm gladI'm Jewish!"
Bobby and Jubilee give one another a glance, nod, then stand up.
Bobby: "There is, however, one good thing about Christmas."
This catches everybody's attention as the couple walk to the stairway so they can be seen from everywhere in the room.
Jubilee: "A tradition—no, more like a rule that MUST be followed every year at this time."
Bobby: "And do you know what that rule is?"
Everybody looks towards one another for the answer, but nobody seems to get it until Jubilee gives a grin. She holds up a tiny remote control device…
Jubilee: "…MISTLETOE!"
…and pushes the button. Dozens of branches of mistletoe pop down from their trap doors in the ceiling, courtesy of Bobby and Jubilee's "secret task" the night before. Many couples suddenly find themselves caught under the menacing plant.
Sam and Rahne are the first victims. They give each other a quick peck on the lips, blushing madly.
Rogue and Remy are the second. He grabs Rogue's hand and kisses it; she smiles at him, then gives him peck on the lips in response
Scott and Jean are next.
Jean: *turns to Scott* "Well…it is a rule."
Scott: "I guess…"
He gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.
Bobby: *from his position on the stairs* "Lame!"
They glare at him, and he meets it easily.
Tabby and Ray are the next ones. They share a rather heated kiss, earning some wolf-whistles from the rest of the group.
Logan and Ororo were supposed to be the next victims…but he slashed the offending flora before anyone else got a chance to see it. Ororo gave him a knowing glance out of the corner of her eye. Jubilee pouted and reluctantly put away the disposal camera she had with her.
Jamie found himself all alone underneath his own branch, and was suddenly bombarded by nearly every girl in the house giving him kisses on the cheek, all of them giggling. He just barely got away, completely dazed and hair ruffled to the extreme.
Kurt found no mistletoe above his head, so he mischievously teleported himself and his girlfriend to a spot where there WAS some.
Amanda: *gigling* Kurt!
Kurt: Was? You complaining?
Amanda: *grinning* Not in the least.
She brushes her lips against his gently, wrapping her arms around him as he holds their waist. He happily returns the gesture.
The last couple to find themselves trapped were…
…
…
…Lance and Pietro!
They both look up at the mistletoe.
Lance looks at Pietro.
Pietro looks at Lance.
*lengthy pause*
Both: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
They each receive a tap on the shoulder. Lance spins around to find Kitty, who surprises him with a soft kiss on the lips. Pietro does the same, to find Ryo standing there. She gives him a peck on the cheek.
The most amusing display of the evening, however, is watching Todd hop around the room after Wanda, who was running as if her life depended upon it. He holds out a piece of mistletoe with his right hand, calling after her.
Todd: "Aww, come on. You know you want to!"
Wanda: "Not if Pietro's life depended upon it! Heck, not even if MY life depended upon it!"
Bobby and Jubilee were nearly on the floor in hysterics, high-fiving each other for a prank well done. Bobby then grows a mischievous gleam in his eye, holding something behind his back. Curiosity quickly gets the better of her.
Jubilee: "What is it? Tell me! Pleeease!"
He holds out his own branch of mistletoe, placing it above her head. She gasps in surprise.
Jubilee: "Bobby!"
He silences her with a kiss that she happily returns.
Bobby: "Don't you just love the holidays?"
*The Cheesy Yet Oh-So-Necessary Ending*
Everybody (X-men, Brotherhood, Apocolytes, Amanda, and the citizens of Bayville—Duncan, Taryn,…even Principal Kelly!) is gathered together in front of the X-mansion, where Storm has managed to coat the property with a gentle blanket of white. Couples are huddled together romantically and friends chat.
Heck, even Wanda's finally gotten to the holiday spirit, happily laughing with her brother, one arm around him in a sisterly manner…
Remy holds up a bottle to the audience with a smirk on his face.
Remy: "I think that I should never win…a gift so useful such as Gin!"
All at once, they turn to the camera. Xavier wheels to the center of the stage.
Xavier: "We would now like to give our farewells and happy holiday wishes to you, the reader…"
The music starts up, and everybody begins singing.
Everybody: We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas;
We wish you a Merry Christmas…
Kitty: …And Hanukkah, too!
New Recruits: Good tidings, we bring…
Wanda/Pietro/Rogue/Kurt: …to you and your kin!
Taryn/Duncan/Amanda: We wish you a Merry Christmas
Kitty: "…and Hanukkah!"
Principal Kelley: …and a Happy New Year!
Fred steps up to the spotlight, with the rest of the brotherhood right behind him…well, off to the side a bit.
Fred: Oh, bring me some figgy pudding
Oh, bring me some figgy pudding
Oh, bing me some figgy pudding…
I'll eat it right here!
Brotherhood: He won't go until he gets some
He won't go until he gets some
He won't go until he gets some…
Just like every year!
Many couples, in turn, take their turn stepping up to the spotlight. (…and Jamie sneaks in, too, just because he's so cute!)
Bobby/Jubilee: We wish you a Merry Christmas!
Sam/Rahne: We wish you a Merry Christmas!
Tabby/Ray: We wish you a Merry Christmas!
Jamie: And a Happy New Year!
Scott/Jean: We wish you a Merry Christmas!
Logan/Ororo: We wish you a Merry Christmas!
Lance/Kitty: We wish you a Merry Christmas!
Kitty: "…and Hanukkah!"
Everybody: "And a Happy-y-y-y-y-y Ne-e-e-e-ew Ye-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-r!"
As the song ends, an acorn from one of the trees falls, banging Principal Kelly on the head (for he was the only one "smart" enough to be standing right under it). He falls unconscious.
A strangely yellow-eyed squirrel (who looks vaguely familiar) scurries away from the offending tree. If one were paying attention veeeery closely, one could almost hear it give an evil chuckle
Todd stares at the unconscious Principal for a moment.
Todd: "Well, whadya know…I got my Christmas wish!"