Shagability

Disclaimer: I make no money from this, so it unfortunately must not be mine.

Chapter One

"You're glaring again."

Neither the comment, nor the amusement in James's voice, stopped Sirius from staring frustrated holes into the two people sitting on the sofas by the fire on the other side of the common room. They were chatting to each other in what the bloke on the sofa probably though was an innocent, friendly manner. To everyone who wasn't blind, however it was quite clear it wasn't friendship the girl was after. She was leaning towards the boy with her head cocked to the side, her legs crossed and her uniform skirt draped deliberately high across her thighs, her shiny, painted lips parted and her blue eyes inviting. Her body language was blatant and very obvious, not to mention the way she kept shifting her shoulders to part the top of her unbuttoned collar open further.

The little hussy didn't want the manner to remain friendly. Not at all. But, as always, the boy she was flirting with was oblivious to all these little tells.

Remus John Lupin wouldn't realize a girl was coming on to him if it was shouted in his ear. And even after that he'd deny it, nervously laugh it off, tell the informant to stop kidding around. Because someone couldn't possibly be interested in him. Not him, a werewolf who was covered in scars he thought marred his already relatively average looks. Not him, someone who took his prefect duties seriously, studied all the time and rarely socialized outside his chosen group of friends. Not him, a quiet, inconspicuous, boring seventh-year student who kept to the side-lines unless he was trying, rather ineffectively, to rein in his much more boisterous, outgoing best mates.

No, no one could possibly be interested in him. Why would they be? He had nothing to offer and never would, and he sure that that fact was stamped in large, red letters across his forehead, for all the world to see.

It wasn't what everyone saw, however. The werewolf gave off an aura of something else entirely, and it was that that drew suitors towards him like bees to honey.

Likeability. Introversion. Vulnerability.

It was his superpower. Sirius was bloody sure of it. His bottom lip pushed out into a pout as he watched every attempt on the girl's part fall far wide of the mark, the resulting determination building steadily in her eyes. Members of both sexes had come to the conclusion that Remus Lupin was shy. Closed off. That he was in need of healing. That all he needed was to be brought out of his shell, and that he or she were the perfect ones to do it. He was, essentially, a challenge.

Add in the sandy-blond locks that looked soft and invitingly touchable, the sadness that sometimes shadowed his soft green eyes, growing around certain points of the month, and the sinewy muscle visible in his arms and shoulders on hot days when his friends convinced him to strip off his jumper, and you had a lad who could have anyone he bloody well wanted.

If only he knew what was being offered, by half the damn school. All the bloody time. Over and over and fucking over.

It wasn't fair! Sirius fumed silently as he glowered at the pair, eyes narrowing when the girl – some sixth-year Ravenclaw whose Gryffindor friend had let in to try her luck and was currently watching avidly from over by the window – place her hand on Remus's leg. The bloke could pull like nobody's business, and he didn't even know it! Sure, Sirius got his fair share of action as well – he was Sirius Black after all – but it utterly galled him that Remus was getting all this tail thrown at him and he was fucking clueless! And even when he did on the very rare occasion figure it out, his go-to response was to blush all cutely and turn it down! Which, of course, only made the hordes more determined!

It just… it made no sense! Sirius had the looks, charm and sex appeal, and he still had to work for it at times, while all Remus had to do was come downstairs looking tired and weary, with a false smile pinned in place, and it seemed like the most of the population of Hogwarts flocked to him!

Just like little Miss Ravenclaw was doing now. Sirius snarled under his breath, beyond irritated. It just wasn't fair!

"Merlin, if looks could kill. What'd Abigail ever do to Sirius?"

"My guess? She exists," James answered absently, finishing the sentence he was writing in his Charms essay before looking up and smiling at his fellow Head and girlfriend. "She's trying her luck with Moony, and you know how Pads gets when people do that."

"Ah. So that's why he looks like he wants to skin her alive and use what's left in a potion to cure rather nasty boils on someone's behind."

"With the way he's growling, I think boils on the arse would still be entirely too good for her."

"I can hear you, you know," Sirius grunted, gaze stilled fixed across the room. The stifled laughter behind him finally had him looking around, a dark scowl aimed at the redheaded girl and her messy-haired, bespectacled boyfriend. "And it's not her that's annoying me. It's him."

"Who, Remus? Why?" Lily asked while James snorted quietly and then smirked when Sirius sent him another glare. "Did you two fight or something? What'd you do to him?"

"Me? I didn't do anything! Why do you automatically assume I did something wrong?"

The coolly arched brow had Sirius's mouth pulling into something between a grimace and a dirty look.

"Fine, whatever. But this time I didn't do anything. It's him and his stupid shagability that's the bloody problem."

There was a brief pause.

"Sorry… his what?" Lily asked slowly, her face the picture of bafflement. Sirius rolled his eyes. Like she hadn't noticed.

"His shagability," he repeated through his teeth, pissed off grey eyes flicking back to the couple across the room, spine straightening when he noticed that Remus was now alone, legs curled under him and his face buried in a book. A quick sweep of the room showed the Ravenclaw and her Gryffindor friend walking towards the portrait hole, a look of almost bewildered frustration on the Ravenclaw's face while her friend looked nothing more than smug.

The same satisfied expression twisted Sirius's features and he sat back with a sigh, his stomach unknotting. Another one bites the dust.

"Shagability? Like the words 'shag' and 'ability' mashed together?"

Sirius turned his head and blinked at the girl, who was peering at him from her perch on the arm of James's chair, her brow lined with confusion. "Aren't you meant to be a smart one?"

"Excuse me?" Lily snapped, her head whipping around at the bark of laughter from James, whose face morphed from entertained to disapproving in the blink of an eye.

"Oi, no insulting my Lilyflower, Padfoot," he ordered, amusement still dancing behind the exaggerated scowl in his hazel eyes. "And what he's talking about, oh beautiful, perfect, love of my life-"

"Don't push it, Potter."

"-is the appeal he's convinced our Moony throws off without knowing he's doing it. He thinks it's insulting that he can draw so many in, and yet doesn't do anything about it."

"It's a travesty, is what it is," Sirius grumbled, reluctantly pulling his own Charms essay out of his bag. Now that he was no longer distracted he might actually be able to concentrate on it. "To be able to pull like that and waste it. He can have anyone he wants within a five kilometre radius. A superpower with that kind of blast range should at least go to someone who'd appreciate it."

"Anyone, huh?"

Sirius's head lifted at the blatantly laughing tone, a frown forming when he saw the secret little smirk Lily and James were exchanging. "What?"

"Nothing, Sirius, don't worry about it," Lily answered mysteriously, still smirking. "I'm sure you'll get it in time. I've got to go, the library's calling. I'll see you both at dinner, yeah?"

"Be there with bells on," James grinned, standing up to kiss the redhead briefly. Lily smiled back, glanced in Sirius's direction and shook her head, then turned and headed for the portrait hole. She stopped next to Remus as she passed the sofa, leaning down to whisper in his ear. Sirius scowled darkly and glared down at his blank parchment.

Fucking shagability. Even someone taken like Evans wasn't immune. He hated it.

"Hey, guys, Lily said you might need some help."

"I'm perfectly capable of writing my own bloody essay, thank you very much," Sirius hissed, getting to his feet and pushing past the sandy-blond now standing in front of him and James. His stomach was all twisted up again. Maybe he should go pay Poppy a visit. This tight, uncomfortable feeling couldn't be healthy.

"Oh. All right. Well, I'm available if you… okay, what jumped up his arse?" the animagus heard Remus ask in a very perplexed voice as he stormed across the room towards the staircase, snarling with every step. Fucking stupid shagability!

"Just something he has to work through on his own," came James's cheerfully amused answer. "But don't fret, Moony, my friend, I'm pretty sure that when he does figure it out, you'll be one of the first to know."

A/N: Something that popped into my head while I was attacking the bane of my existence; my garden. It'll be short, no more than three chapters. Thanks all for reading and do let me know what you think! :)