A/N: Hello my lovely people and oh my fucking god, there's over sixty of you currently following this story, just I'm flabbergasted and oh so very grateful. The beginning of this one fought me tooth and nail but, I got it done an edited. I have others that still need to be edited and will be posted within the next two days but, it's late and I had a long day.

Because today's my birthday! If anyone's curious, I'm now a whooping 20 years old; I still don't know how to adult yet, I'm just bullshiting my way through at this point. And in light of my birthday, besides posting more fics than normal, I'd thought I'd tell you my thoughts on the ages of the characters in this story. The only people who's ages I've made official are Izanna and Nyota, at 24. Here's my ages for the rest, if you don't like the ages feel free to ignore them: Chekov at 22, Sulu at 26, Jim and Spock at 28, Scotty at 36, and Bones at 32.

Also, I was wondering how explicit you guys would want me to get as far as smut and stuff goes. I'd obviously have to post the smut part elsewhere but I'd link you guys to it. So, just tell me, yay or nay for smut. And I will give you a fair warning if you do say yay, I've never written smut before so that'll be an adventure.

Again, thanks for all the support you lovely people. I love hearing from you so leave a comment and I hope you enjoy.

I am currently taking fanfiction request, details on my profile.

Izanna wasn't allowed to play cards anymore, she could sit and watch, join whatever conversation was going on but she wasn't allowed to play. She only had herself to blame with making it so obvious she was counting cards by never losing a round, though it took everyone nearly twenty rounds to figure it out much to her smug satisfaction. And she didn't do it on purpose, her brain just automatically counted; and while she'd never admit it, she did have a competitive streak at times. Now the only people she was allowed to sit next to were Bones and Jim, both to stubborn to take her advice at what they should do.

Sighing, she leaned on Bones shoulder and looked up at him, his mouth twitch up for a moment before going back to a straight line. Looking at his hand she very nearly pointed out the mistake he had just made but kept it to herself; he wasn't bad at cards, on the contrary, he was good but often made blatant mistakes that would cost him the round. Izanna was considering whether or not he did that purely to annoy her or maybe he really just didn't realize it was a bad move.

"I fold," Bones said, putting his cards down. He leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Don't look at my cards if you can't keep a straight face."

"Sorry," Izanna mumbled, giving him a sheepish smile.

Bones hummed in response, "You look bored, and tired."

"Is that your way of hinting I should go to bed?"

"Yes, you're still doing to much work."

"Not nearly as much though."

"Maybe so but you're worn out, don't bother trying to lie," Bones added when he saw her about to protest, "I can tell."

"I'll let you have this one," she grumbled.

Bones let out a chuckle as Izanna got up, giving him a soft kiss on his cheek and bidding everyone a goodnight. He smiled at her retreating back, not realizing another round had started until Jim shoved him to get his attention; not bothering with an apology he looked as his cards.

"You look like a lovesick puppy," Jim said.

"Doubtful" Bones stated.

"You do," Sulu agreed.

"He's not nearly as bad as Izzy though," Scotty added.

"She has never been one to hide her affection," Spock said.

"She's like a little puppy," Chevok added in his thick accent.

"I'm not entirely sure she isn't," Scotty said.

"Seems quite trainable," Jim said, smirking he turned to Bones, "You trained her to your tastes yet?"

"That was in poor taste even for you," Bones commented, not bothering to hide his distaste at the question.

"Yeah yeah, but it got the real question across now didn't it," Jim replied.

There was a silence as everyone waited for Bones to answer, letting out a sigh he set down his cards and dropped his head to his hands; rubbing his temples in small circles he quickly calm and organized his thoughts.

"We've only been dating a little over three months and every time I've made a move she's tensed up and gotten quiet. I know she has a hard time saying no at times but, even for her I'd figure she'd say something and not just, for lack of a better term, shut down," Bone confided.

"Bloody hell that woman is an idiot at times," Scotty muttered.

"Am I missing something?" Bones all but hissed at Scotty.

"Yes, you are but quite a bit of fault lies on her for not telling you. Her anxiety comes into play here, she's afraid she'll fuck up so, she gets tense and let her damn worries ruin the mood. You'll need to push her and take complete control, leaving no doubt to exactly what you want so she's not afraid she'll fuck up; outright asking her if she wants to have sex wouldn't hurt either," Scotty said.

"And she likes being ordered around?" Chevok asked.

"I think the better question here is, how do you know all this," Sulu inputted.

"She doesn't fucking shut up when she's plastered," Scotty said.

"Mr. Scott is telling the truth," Spock added, "She can be quite... talkative when intoxicated."

"Is that why Nyota's mad at her?" Jim asked.

"Subtle transition there," Bones dead-panned.

Jim just rolled his eyes and looked expectantly at Spock.

"No, that is not it. It was a secret she had been keeping from Nyota for years and," Spock continued quickly over the question about to be asked, "Izanna will tell you if she wants to but, upon Nyota's reaction she will not be so willing to tell it anytime soon."

"Our reactions would be significantly different from Uhura's," Jim said, "We're not her best friend who she's suppose to tell everything to, nor have we known her for years."

"It is not your reaction possible reaction that concerns her," Spock said.

"That wasn't ominous or anything," Bones muttered as he took a sip of whiskey.

"I told her I believe it is an appropriate time in her relationship with you to inform you on it. I suspect she is waiting for Nyota to start speaking to her again before telling you." Spock said.

"Can't you tell us anything?" Jim said, upon getting some dirty looks from his friends he added, "Sorry, sucker for gossip."

"She'll tell who she wants to in her own time," Bones growled, "So don't bother her about it Jim."

Jim held up his hands in surrender, "I wasn't planning on it. From the sounds of it, whatever it is she sounds almost, ashamed."

"She is," Spock said, noticing Scotty tense up at his words, "Though, a large part of that may be due to it is not what people would expect of her, it goes against who she is; enough were I was rendered speechless for a few moments. That may be why she has kept it a secret but, I have not talked to her about it therefore I can not be certain. I would also like to inform you that the only reason I know this is because I walked in on the conversation," Spock added, shooting Bones a significant look.

"No wonder she hasn't been eating or sleeping," Bones said, "This stress isn't good for her."

"This," Scotty said, quickly downing his drink and continuing, "Has gotten to bloody serious for me, not to mention gossipy. I'll be heading to bed."

"And I'm going to go check up on Iza," Bones said, finishing his drink and following Scotty to the door.

Both bidding everyone a goodnight, they left and entered a turbolift together; tense silence impregnating the air for a few moments.

"You know, don't you," Bones stated softly.

"Look she," Scotty started, "I've know her for a couple of years now. I've seen how she is around people she's show an interest in and they could never capture her interest for long. But, with you, it's like you have her under a spell; she's absolutely captivated by you. She really does like you and she doesn't want to have things that are in the past ending up causing her to lose you."

"But is it really just in the past?"

Scotty looked away, unable to meet the other man's eyes as even he didn't have an answer.

OoOoO

Bones entered Izanna's quarters as quietly as he could, the door silently slid shut behind him leaving the room dark.

"Len?" Izanna asked, her voice soft and thick with sleep.

"You should be asleep," he replied back just as softly.

"I keep telling my body that but it's not listening," she said, "Maybe you should try talking to it."

His mind started to think of all the ways he'd like to converse with her body and he quickly shoved them down; she needed to sleep and he could wait.

"Do you want me to stay for awhile?" Bones asked.

"That would be nice."

Toeing of his shoes he laid down next to her on top of the covers, settling an arm across her waist; she grumbled at him some, presumably for not getting under the cover, and scooted closer. He waited for her breathing to even out and her muscles to relax, slipping out of the bed his grab his shoes and made his way to the door. Glancing at her sleeping form as the door closed he couldn't help the smile that crossed his face or the worry that plagued his mind; for even in sleep, her face scrunched with worry, as if she could not get rid of lingering stress.

Making his way back to his own quarters he couldn't help but think about the secret she was keeping and if it was really that bad; he knew she didn't have to tell him, it was her secret and just because they were dating didn't give him the right to try to pry it from her if she doesn't want to share it. There are just some things that you can't share with certain people or aren't ready to share. He would have to be patient, even if his worry for her well being was driving him into the ground.

OoOoO

Izanna awake disappointed to find she was alone and woke up nearly two hours before her shift started. Knowing she wouldn't wake up to her alarm if she went back to sleep she got up and took her time getting ready, which only wasted an hour. Going to the mess hall she chased down sleepy yawns with cups of coffee and a warm breakfast. She stretched as she got up, leaving the mess hall behind as she made her way to the nearest turbolift.

She didn't want to go to her office yet, not with a half hour till her shift starts still left but, she didn't want to go back to her quarters either and risk falling asleep. Nyota still was mad and not talking to her, she was to nervous around Bones as of late with trying to tell him and failing every time. Jim was, well Jim and Spock was, well Spock. Sulu wasn't a morning person and she'd learned that one the hard way already. Chekov, bless the young thing, talked way to much in the morning; probably the coffee. And that left Scotty, who was part of the problem but, she needed someone to talk to.

Winding her way around the maze that was the lower engineering decks, she found Scotty in his usual spot. Padding up softly behind him, she sat in his line of sight, waiting for him to notice her.

"You're up early," Scotty commented.

"Unfortunately. I woke up early," she said.

"McCoy's worried about you," he said after a moment of silence, "Well, we all are a bit worried."

Izanna flinched at his words, "Do I really look that bad?"

"You don't look that bad, it's more your behavior. You're not yourself."

"Says the man who normally swears with every other word but hasn't once sworn since I began talking to him."

"Fuck off."

"Much better," she said through a soft laugh.

Silence fell between the two, Izanna content with watching Scotty fiddle with some sort of device; he suddenly turned in his chair to face her.

"Are you ashamed?" Scotty asked, giving a small gesture between the two of them.

Confusion, shock, then understanding all swept across her face; looking away from him to collect her thoughts she let out a sigh and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Sort of?" Izanna said, sounding more like a question, "I know I shouldn't be but, part of me can't help but be. Are you?"

"Yeah, just a tad."

"This is one thing I never expected to come back and bite me in the ass."

"I'm just fucking praying I don't get punched."

"Since when do you pray?"

"Since I've decided being punched doesn't seem like a bloody fun activity."

"Why are you getting punched?" Jim asked, confusion written on his face as he walked up to the pair of them.

"He's praying he doesn't get punched," Izanna corrected.

"Still doesn't answer my question," Jim said.

Izanna and Scotty exchanged a look, seeming to have a silent conversation between them as Scotty gestured at her she finally raised her hands up in defeat.

"Just... It's nothing important," Izanna said, dismissing the subject with a wave of her hand, "What do we owe to your presence this early?"

"I was gonna check up on you both this morning, convenient for me you happen to both be here, anyway. You've both seemed a bit off to me these last few days..." Jim said, trailing off.

Scotty and Izanna once again exchanged a look, looking slightly more alarmed; both of them gesturing at Jim as if wanting the other to talk to him.

Jim suddenly got wide eyed before shaking his head, "No that's, that's absurd." Looking between the two friends again he gasped, "No way. Seriously?"

"I blame you," Izanna said at Scotty, hopping of her seat.

"If you would just tell your god damn boyfriend, tiptoeing around this would be unnecessary," Scotty snapped.

"Sorry if I'm a bit reluctant to tell him," Izanna said.

"I can't believe this, seriously?" Jim interrupted.

"Fuck off," Izanna and Scotty said in unison.

"Look, I understand you don't want to ruin things with him but if he really does have feelings for you, he would expect that it's over and done with," Scotty said, ignoring Jim.

"But is it?" Izanna whispered.

"Yes, it's been months and," Scotty started.

"Our entire relationship," Izanna said, cutting him off, "It's what our entire friendship was based upon."

"Are you saying you don't want to be friends?" Scotty said.

Jim was being to feel like he should leave but as his eyes bounced back between the two he knew if he moved he ruin their discussion and this seemed like something they needed to talk about.

"Of course not," Izanna snapped, "How could you think that?"

"Well you basically just fucking said so."

"What I meant is, we've been just fine these past few months. Let's find something else or actually let this go."

"Do you expect me to just let it go? Can you just let it go?"

"I don't know."

"Can you really tell me that under different circumstances we wouldn't be together? Can you tell me you've never thought about it?"

"That's not fair, Scotty," Izanna said, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Life isn't fair," Scotty growled, "Are you really just going to let it go without a second thought?"

"Are you saying you wanted to make something out of this?"

"Yes, a large part of me did. Part of me felt like it was a winning hand dealt by the universe that you got assigned to this ship."

"Then you should have said something."

"That wasn't the deal we made though. What would you have even said to that?"

"Yes," Izanna said loudly, voice softening before speaking in a low tone, "I would have said yes."

"Bones!" Jim suddenly shouted, a forced smile making it's way to his face.

Both Izanna and Scotty jumped, looking off into the direction that Jim was waving; Scotty cleared his throat and Izanna blinked the tears out of her eyes.

"I'm late, I should got," Izanna spoke softly, quickly turning to leave in the opposite direction from which her boyfriend was coming.

"Sweeting," Scotty said, causing Izanna to wipe around wide eyed to face him, continuing in close to a pleaful voice, "And what about now?"

"Scotty!" Jim said, sounding affronted; the two fighting friends ignored him.

"I don't think that really even deserves and answer," Izanna quietly said.

Turning on heel she quickly walked away, finding the nearest turbolift and heading straight to her station; only glancing back at Bones as the doors close and having to look away as he stood there looking confused and hurt.

"Come on Scotty," Jim said, not unkindly, "That was out of line, you knew the an.."

"I had to make sure," Scotty snapped, "I had to know for sure."

"What's going on?" Bones growled, fists clenching, "Why was she nearly in tears?"

"I suggest talking to her after her shift is over," Scotty said in a monotone voice, "She'll have calmed down and organized her thoughts by then."

"And you can't just tell me now because..." Bones said trailing off.

"Because it's not my bloody place to tell you," Scotty curtly replied, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

Scotty sat back down and turned his back on the two, hands slightly shaky as he picked back up what he was working on.

"Let's go Bones," Jim said.

Bones let Jim tug him along to the turbolift; confused, angry, and hurt he wanted to scream in frustration.

"Jim," Bones started once the doors had closed.

"I can't tell you," Jim quickly said.

"Of course you can't," he deadpanned.

After a some silence Jim finally broke it, "You need to relax a little. At this rate you'll go grey before you even have kids."

"Kids?" Bones said, voice jumping several octaves.

"To early?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I thought it was funny," Jim muttered under his breath.

Resisting the strong urge to strange his best friend, because at some point he'd regret it, he got off the turbolift and made his way to his office to distract himself with work for the next eight long hours.

OoOoO

Izanna sat on her bed, head resting on her knees as she hug her legs to her chest. She was still shaken up from earlier, she hadn't expected things to get so... intense and messy. To make matters worse her boyfriend had shone up, probably to check on her too, only to be completely ignored and left there. She might lose him, it brought tears to her eyes thinking she might lose him and while they'd only officially been dating a short while, it felt longer than that; the connection she felt with him was strong and she knew he felt it too, both having been screwed over by love before they were taking things slow.

Bringing the front of the overly large shirt she wore up to her nose she took a deep breath in, breathing in the comforting scent of her lover; her mind couldn't help but momentarily wander to the worst and hope that he didn't ask for the shirt back because she really didn't have anything on underneath and this situation did not need to be more awkward. Falling onto her side she continued to lay curled up in a ball, she hadn't cried yet and she really didn't want to but, she knew the first person she talked about this with would probably have a very wet shoulder by the time all was said and done.

It was a game of roulette almost, who would come through her door. Names kept whirling round in her mind and she wasn't sure if she even wanted anyone to come through the door but, who could really blame her. She had nothing to be ashamed about and yet, she felt guilty and not just because she kept it from her best friend for years but, guilty for her actions. Speaking encouraging words to herself, she assured herself she had done nothing wrong, it was her secret to keep if she wished and she her actions were nothing to be ashamed about.

The tone indicating someone wished to enter her quarters sounded, frowning she sat up and called to enter. She took in a sharp breath and she wasn't sure if she was relieved to get talking with her boyfriend over first or not. Leaning against the headboard she once again brought her knees to her chest and waited for Bones to come sit. Feeling the bed dip next to her, she afforded herself a glance and looked away, not quite able to meet his eyes just yet. Letting out a soft sigh he sat next to her, legs stretched out in front of him and his shoulder lightly brushing hers every few breaths.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Bones asked softly, voice low and unaccusing.

"Yes and no," Izanna replied, voice just as quiet.

"Why don't you start from the beginning," he suggested.

"Gimme a minute," she said.

He only hummed in response, waiting anxious and trying not to let it show.

"It started around four years ago," Izanna said, starting to spin her tale, "I had just broken up with my ex a month or so prier. I was so very hurt and sad, but mostly lonely. And I guess that's where it started, with loneliness.

"I went to a bar, I wanted to drink and to have the noise block out everything going through my head; I wanted to be numb. That's where I meet Scotty, I don't remember much of that night but, I woke up in the morning in his bed. I felt awkward and uncomfortable, I just wanted to leave. Instead we somehow started talking and we had a lot in common, enjoyed one another's company; somehow I'd come away from a weird and awkward night with a friend. We were both on shore leave at the time and meet up quite a lot over the next few days and somewhere in there we had come to an agreement."

Izanna paused for a moment, to spare a glance at Bones and felt her heart start breaking; his jaw was set, fists clench hard enough that his knuckles were white, and he sat rim-rod straight. Taking a deep breath she continued.

"We came to an agreement; we would met and, just for awhile, leave the outside world behind. The stress, the doubts, the fears, all the worries we carried would get left at the door. And, we'd use one another, use the other's body, to try and kill the loneliness we felt. When we didn't have shore leave we'd send one another messages, just little insignificant things. For two years we saw each other every few months or so, until I was assigned to the Gallahan then we hadn't seen each other for two years, just the messages. The day before I came aboard the Enterprise we met up once again, I mentioned I'd be gone for a few years and he said that was alright cause he'd be gone for a few years too. Quite the surprise I got on my first day, seeing him. We had agreed that day that it would be best if we were to not sleep with one another while working on the same ship. I'm not going to lie, I did think about being actually being with him and while my feelings hadn't quite developed into romantic I knew I could be happy, content with him.

"Then you came along," Izanna said, Bones turned to look at her, the smile on her face clearly leaking through into her voice. "And I didn't give what I could have had with Scotty a second thought for all those months, because of how you consumed my thoughts. It wasn't until a little after we'd gotten together that Nyota asked about how I meet Scotty that I started to think about it again, not the being in a relationship with him. But, how was I gonna tell Nyota, that's not something I could keep from her any longer. And, how was I gonna tell you? It wasn't a secret that would remain that way forever. I figured I'd tell you both around the same time, whenever, it felt right to tell you. Whenever I felt, that what I had done in the past wouldn't cause me to lose you."

"Understandable," Bones said, Izanna jumping at his sudden interjection, "Why didn't you tell Nyota, or anyone, earlier? Why keep it a secret?"

"Because, it allowed me an escape where the rest of my life couldn't touch me, worry me, bother me. A part of me wanted to, just have something to myself, something I didn't need to explain or defend my actions. And, a part of me was, is, also ashamed. A purely sexual relationship isn't like me at all, but at that point, I was so desperately trying to fill that loneliness that I didn't care."

"Did you?"

"Eventually, and it wasn't the relationship I held with Scotty that helped me fill it but the ones I had developed on the Gallahan and the ones I still had. I realized, though I may feel lonely, I am not alone, nor have I ever been."

"Do you regret it?"

"No. I won't regret how I've gone about battling my loneliness, nor will I apologize for it."

"You don't have anything to apologize for."

Izanna turned to look at him, not expecting those words and not expecting him to be looking right at her either. Not able to identify all the emotions in his eyes, the intensity of it made her want to look away but she found herself unable to.

"That argument, you had with Scotty today was that about..."

"Yes, it was about what could have been between us. He told me he had wanted to try."

"What did you tell him?"

"That he should have said something. He got mad at that, thinking that I hadn't wanted to try and would have said no, that I didn't want anything more than sex. I told him I would have said yes."

Bones seemed to lose his breath at this, his eyes wide and he was certain he couldn't hide the fear or hurt from her. He wanted to say something but his lungs still weren't working and she was speaking again, he had to listen.

"You heard him call me sweeting, what he called me when we were together, and ask; what about now? I told him it didn't deserve an answer, because he very well knows the depths of my feelings for you. There was no way in hell I'd have even considered it but, I think he only asked so it would be said out loud, so we'd both know and could truly move on."

"Have you?" he whispered, voice sounding much more desperate than he would have liked.

"I had started moving on even before I set foot aboard the Enterprise and I have. Certain feelings will never go away but they'll fade in time and he will always be a dear friend to me."

"Do you ever wonder what if?" Bones asked, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on hers, not wanting to know the answer but at the same time needing to know.

"No, because I know what would have happened."

Moving his head away to look at her, he gave her a very confused look, "What?"

A large smile grace her face, "I would have fallen for you."

"You're sure?"

"!00% positive."

"How can you possible know that?"

"Don't you remember what I said? That I had completely forgot about even considering a relationship with Scotty because you consumed my thoughts and I know if I had been in a relationship with him you'd have still consumed my thoughts. I was a goner before I even knew it."

Bones couldn't help but smile and sling an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close. Her arms wrapped around him and she clung to his shirt, burying her face in his chest. He felt her body shake with a sob and held her tighter.

"Are you not upset?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm upset," he said, "I'm upset that he's made you cry."

"That's not really his fault," Izanna mumbled into his shirt.

"And I'm really fucking jealous, hell, I don't think I've ever been this jealous before."

"Jealous?" she said, looking up at him.

Taking her head between his hands he told her, "very", before leaning down and kissing her.

He kissed her hard and with as much passion as he could muster. Sliding his hands through her hair he used that as leverage to better angle her head and pried her mouth open, letting his tongue twine with hers. He explored every inch of her mouth and then some, dominating her and not letting her come up for breath until he was good and finished; smirking as she whimper at the lose of his lips. She panted heavily, trying to catch her breath before he stole it away again.

Pushing her down onto her back he was nipping at her neck, enticing a few moans out of her when she said something so softly he almost missed it.

"I kinda like jealous you," she mutter, more to herself than anything.

Hovering above her on his hands and knees, having one of her hands pinned to either side of her head.

"I'm going to make you thoroughly regret those words," Bones said in a low husky voice.

Never one to go back on his word, she came to mildly regret her words.