"Sir, Edward Elric is on the phone." Brigadier General Roy Mustang looked up from his (unfortunately large) stack of paperwork, rubbing his eyes.

"Did he say why? I'm pretty busy right now."

Hawkeye shook her head, "All he said is that is was important, and he sounded pretty excited."

Mustang raised an eyebrow, "Alright, hand over the phone." Hawkeye placed the phone on his desk, Mustang picking up the receiver.

"Fullmetal, this better be important. Even if you get to slack off in Resembool, some of us have actual work to do."

Edward Elric's familiar tone responded in annoyance, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Your dumb paperwork doesn't matter, this is way more important!"

"And what could possibly be more important than peace treaties with Drachma?"

"Listen to this." Elric sounded positively giddy. The shuffling of feet, a quiet whisper of 'go on, say it again!'

A young boy's voice piped up, "Dada!"

After a couple seconds of phone scrambling, Edward's spoke again, "Did you hear that? He called me dad! Isn't Thomas just the greatest - only one and he's already talking - it's to be expected from a prodigy like me - " Mustang had never heard Fullmetal so ecstatic, rapid firing praise of his son faster than Hawkeye's gun.

"Fullmetal." Mustang interrupted.

"What?"

"Did you just call me because your kid has started talking - using a military line?!"

Silence. "...Well I called your home first, but you didn't answer."

Click.

Hawkeye smiled, "I'm guessing Edward is experiencing fatherhood?"

Roy buried his face in his hands, "Not again..." He mumbled.

RING RING RING RING

Alphonse Elric woke with a start, scrambling out from his bed to his desk. Stumbling through the darkness, he had difficulty grabbing the phone on the first try, "Alphonse Elric speaking - " yawn, " - Who is this?" He asked blearily.

"Al - Al - this is super important."

Alphonse's eyes widened, "Brother - what is it? What happened?" Had the Homunculi come back - had Grumman's peace negotiations with Drachma failed?

"Hang on - I'll show you!"

A growing nervousness gnawed at Al's stomach. Surely brother wouldn't have called this early for no reason, he usually would remember the time difference in Xing.

Thomas Elric's childish voice spoke crackled through the line, "Dada!"

Al nearly dropped the phone.

"Thomas started calling me Dad!" Edward's tone switched to the slow, kindly voice used for small child, "Hey Thomas, guess who's on the phone?" A muffled 'Uncle Al!' Could be heard in the distance, along with a cry of delight from Ed. "Isn't this amazing! I called Mustang about it but I think the line's broken, he stopped responding after a little while - "

Click. Al marched back into bed, flopping over.

"Al? Al?" Edward Elric spoke, before placing the phone back on the hook, "Huh. Everyone's phones must be broken today or something." He rubbed his chin, "What was Ling's number again?"

[AA/N: I love this headcanon and I will fight you over it. ]