If mommy had warned me not to look at youtube comments, this wouldn't have been born. Unfortunately, she never did, so here you go.

'What is one thousand minus seven?' Kaneki asked.

Yamori burst into laughter, making the boy tilt his head. 'What's so funny?'

The big ghoul used the moment of confusion to turn the tables on Kaneki, metaphorically.

Literally, he just flipped them over and pinned Kaneki down, ripping off the kagune writhing around them. 'You.' He grinned.

Yamori laughed again as he kept the struggling half-ghoul down and said, 'Listen kid, I got a proposal for you...'

It had been a long day for Hide and he thought that once he'd changed his clothes he'd just pass out. However, as he entered his room, someone greeted him.

'Bonsoir.'

'What the fuck.' Hide stated, staring in shock at some guy dressed in purple, sitting on his window sill.

'The door is right there,' Hide said, pointing to said door with the both hands the way Will Smith introduced his family at awards.

'Doors are boring, mon amie. But that is irrelevant. I have been informed that you are acquainted with my dearest friend, Kaneki.'

At the mention of Kaneki's name Hide forgot all about the intrusion in his home and couldn't hide his excitement. '"Acquainted"? I'm his best friend! Wait- "dearest friend"? Who are you?' Hide squinted at the purple Frenchie.

'Shuu Tsukiyama, je veux manger votre coeur.'

'Is that your real name?' Hide raised an eyebrow, ignoring whatever that part in French was. It probably wasn't important.

'Yes.'

'And is that your natural hair colour?'

'Yes.' Tsukiyama narrowed his eyes. 'What are you implying?'

'Nothing. Anyway, you said you have information on Kaneki?'

'Ah, yes, well, I know where he is and I believe you can help me get him back.'

'And I can trust you because...?'

'Because I have this.' Tsukiyama finished the sentence with a smirk as he took an envelope out of his pocket. He tossed it at Hide, who caught it and immediately opened it.

The contents of the envelope made Hide's face redder than a tomato.

'I-I believe you.'

Tsukiyama's smirk just widened.

Touka was trying to fall asleep when there was loud knocking on her window. Well, she wasn't able to sleep anyways. The rescue mission for Kaneki had proven fruitless, the damn idiot had vanished into thin air.

And that made no sense at all, but then again, nothing really makes sense in this universe.

She rolled out of bed before the window assaulter could break it, and opened it.

To her surprise, her younger brother flew in and attacked her. No, actually he... hugged her?

'What.' Was all Touka managed to say before her sibling broke out into a loud wail.

'Toukaaaaa...' he wailed. Then he started rambling something completely unintelligible, clutching at her back painfully and getting her shoulder all wet and gross.

'What the hell-' Touka tried to say again, but he was just crying too hard.

'Ayato.'

Wailing.

'Ayato.'

More sobs.

'Ayato, if you don't shut the fuck up, the Boogie man will get you.'

The wailing immediately stopped.

'Okay, calm the fuck down and tell me what you want. It's been years since you've wanted to talk, and last time I saw you, you beat me up as you helped two freaks kidnap my friend.'

'That's why I'm here...' Ayato sniffed, getting more snot onto Touka's shirt. Good thing she didn't particularly care about this one.

'What is it?'

'I've been wrong, Aneki. I wanna fix everything so first I gotta get Kaneki back. You gotta help me...' he threatened to dissolve into sobs again, but Touka wrapped her arms around him and rocked him slowly, like she'd done while he was still smaller than her.

'Shh... Stop crying,' she whispered. 'Well, if you wanted to kill me, you could've already done it about five times, so I'll believe you. For now.' Touka said as she drew small circles on his back. His breathing was almost calm by that point.

After a few more minutes of being soothed by Touka, Ayato finally pulled away, wiping at his face.

'Fuck, I think I messed up my eyeliner.' He sniffed again and Touka rolled her eyes.

'And you messed up my shirt. God.' She muttered as she went to turn the lights on.

'Wait, don't turn on the lights!'

'What, why?'

'You can't see me like this, my face is a mess!' Ayato whined.

'Oh my god.' Touka rolled her eyes again. 'Fine, the bathroom's that way.' She said as she pointed out the door. 'Go make yourself pretty, while I change into a shirt that isn't ruined by your snot, then we'll talk.'

Ayato didn't say anything as he went to the bathroom to regain his status as the prettier Kirishima sibling. Don't tell Touka about that.

I hope the French was correct, I used google translate for it.

Expect more of this terrible thing.