HELLO EVERYONE!

Okay, so it seems like this issue of stories being stolen is being dealt with, which makes me incredibly happy. And thank you so much for everyone who supported the during this stressing time. I understand that I disappointed you greatly, but despite that you still were kind enough to give me support.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

On the other hand...

For those of you who were literally little shits and could not stop calling me pathetic and names of the like: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

There seems to be a little misconception here, you see, I don't write for you. I write for myself, because I enjoy writing. I write because my mind is always full of "what ifs" and I like to explore those possibilities. I write because it helps me relax. I don't write so you guys can criticize me and talk shit about me and leave hateful reviews. I don't write because I want to make you happy. I write because it makes ME happy, having you guys like what I write is just a bonus.

So next time you have something bad you want to say to me, at least have the balls to leave your name instead of review anonymously.

I get if that you don't like that I don't update regularly. I GET IT. But I also have a life of my own outside of FFnet, I can no longer give myself the luxury of leave everything to the side, just for the sake of writing. I know I didn't do it a lot when I was on High School because I had to worry about having to go to college the next year. Now I have to worry about college, and work, and getting good grades so I can get into a good university, and so, and so, and the list goes on, and whatever.

I don't care what you do on your free time, I really don't. Those are your lives, and just like I don't have any right to meddle on them, you have no right to meddle on mine and demand that I update more regularly, and calling me a whiny bitch that only makes excuses and doesn't like to update is really not going to make me update any faster.

So yeah, next time you have some shit to talk about, I don't want to hear it. I accept constructive criticism, not bullshit.

And to tabicat119 who reviewed on my 生まれ変わりの奇癖 fic: I did check my facts darling, in fact I came across the fucking pages while I was looking at my own stories on google just for kicks. If those websites aren't there anymore it's because they were taken down after I posted my author's note. Just because they weren't around by the time you looked it doesn't mean I'm lying (not to mention there are several other authors who did the same as I did.)

And if there is anyone out there who wished to call me a liar because there are not "hateful" review on any of my stories, I erased them. I don't want to have any of that on any of my stories.

...

Alright, now that that is out of the way, I think we can move on.

The updates of this story are going to be way tooooooo slow so please, please, PLEASE bear with me.

And please guys, is painfully obvious that this is a Self-Insert fanfic, so please if you don't like DON'T READ!

And special thanks to Ganymed for helping me with the parts in German.

Disclaimer: KHR! is not mine (unfortunately) I just own the plot and my OCs.

Pairing: None as of now, I accept suggestions :3

Warnings: SI/OC, AU, Non-Cannon, mentions of neglect, mentions of animal abuse, mentions of death. More warnings will be added in the future.

Published: 03-12-16

Chapter Two

― ＊ ―

Alles Ergibt Sinn

Normal PoV

The birth of the Strauss heir was an event its birth mother had awaited for so long and could not wait to get that done and over with. Don't misunderstand, she loved the feeling of having another life within herself, and she loved knowing that she would bring to the world another life that would not only be another part of herself, but also from the man she loved.

Yet...

A thing that only her closest... comrades knew, was that she was in fact a woman, and not a man like she liked everyone to think.

Ivanna Strauss was born the youngest of seven siblings, all of them male with the exception of her, and in the eyes of her father, a complete and utter disappointment. Ivanna grew up sneered and jeered at by her own family simply for being a girl, and her mind was slowly but surely poisoned to think that being a male was the key of success.

When Ivanna reached the young age of thirteen, she came to the conclusion that she was a he. That Ivanna Strauss was instead Ivan Strauss, and that he had been born in the wrong body.

At age fifteen, Ivan came out to his family who had simply spat at him in response, and sent him packing.

Everyone but his cousin.

Her cousin who had opened his arms to him, opened the doors of his own house so that Ivan could seek refuge on that safe heaven, and opened his heart to him, the forgotten and unwanted Strauss.

There wasn't a thing Ivan would not do for his beloved cousin Mikhail.

Even give him a child.

Mikhail Strauss was the youngest of Ivanna's three cousins, all siblings, male, and older than Ivanna herself. Yet despite being the youngest Mikhail was the strongest, most charismatic, and resourceful of them all, and that showed when he was appointed the heir of his father when it was discovered he didn't have long. Mikhail brother's were obviously against the idea and prepared a coup against him, which resulted in their deaths. Nonetheless, despite the love Mikhail had for his siblings, he loved power even more, and the only way to get such power would be by becoming the next Boss of the family business.

Well, more like Don.

The Strauss Famiglia was known for its bloody history, and the many conflict that they had started and won. Many other mafia families were scare of them, simply because they had a better relationship with Vendice, and they could get away with many things others would not, which was the main reason why the famiglia hadn't been destroyed yet.

When he assumed power at the age of twenty-three, he immediately forced his third cousin twice removed to wed him and give him a heir, which of course had to be male, and despite the many threats his cousin/wife Anya threw at him, she eventually agreed after he had threatened to destroy her father's famiglia, and kill the man she loved.

A man had to do what a man had to do, right?

Regardless, during Anya's pregnancy there were several attempts against their lives, and their unborn child, one of them resulting in Anya's death alongside the baby. Mikhail had been enraged and immediately killed everyone involved in the incident, allies of not. Makail had made such a mess that when the Vendice had come to make justice, he had only been spared by them due to the past agreement between Mikhail's great grandfather, and the one that was the head of the Vendicare at the time. The Strauss Don had no idea what exactly was the agreement, or why there was one in the first place but it helped him, so he never bothered investigating.

Not long after this incident Mikhail was practically restricted from the power of the Strauss family. His father's right hand man had tore him a new one, and the fact that he didn't had a heir, nor a person who would act in his heir stead until they were of age (if he had one to begin with) if anything were to happen to him, was the only thing stopping the man from killing Mikhail.

It had been a mere coincidence that he had come across his little cousin Ivanna, or Ivan as the silly little brat called herself (as if she could be as strong and influential as a male, the idiotic bitch). She had been just disowned by her own father because she thought herself a male at heart and wanted to prove herself more than her siblings (as if a woman could do such thing), but the man obviously had a good head on his shoulders and turned her away by disowning her before she could do anything to disgrace the family name.

Yet Mikhail could see that the little slip of a girl was the strongest among all her siblings. Not only that, but she had a Sky flame, despite being born from two Storms. Mikhail would even dare to say that the little brat was stronger than himself, but that was already pushing it enough.

Nonetheless, Mikhail recognized that Ivanna was stronger than everyone he knew, and if he were to have a child with her... Well, the possibilities were endless. Yet, there was the fact that they were cousins, their own fathers siblings, although Ivanna's father was a bastard child, much like all his children, all born around the same time give or take a few months. Mikhail knew he would have to investigate if it was safe to impregnate Ivanna, and if the child would be born healthy. He needed a strong heir after all.

So he lured Ivanna in his house and made her believe he accepted and loved her just like she was. Made her believe her would always be there for her if she ever needed anything, and little by little made sure she would fall head over heels for him, even if they were family. It was so easy, the little brat followed him around like a little duckling looking for approval. Everything Ivanna did was so that he was happy. Every thought she had, ever action she did, and every word she said, it was for him. So that Mikhail would be happy.

Asking for a child was the easiest thing he had to do.

Alberto Gimondi was, and would always be if he had any say in it, Ivan's best friend. They met when he was thirteen years old, and Ivan, Ivanna at the time, were ten years old. Ivanna had been visiting her nonna[*] in Italia for the summer when she came across Alberto being beaten within an inch of his life by some thugs he had stolen from. Alberto had grown up on the streets of Italy, and he had always needed to steal to keep himself alive, there had been times, like that one, in which he had picked the wrong target and he was beaten for it, but he was usually left alone after a while. This time though, the thugs didn't seem merciful, and Alberto was sure he was going to die then and there.

But he didn't.

The men were from one moment to another separated from him, and small and delicate hands cradled his head with care. Then, a soft voice he was sure belonged to an angle inquired for his well being, and when he opened his eyes his breath was taken away.

It was that day that Alberto fell completely and irrevocably in love with Ivanna Strauss.

Ivanna took care of him from then on, even when she had to go back to her hometown in Russia, she made sure he would be well taken care of while he stayed with her grandmother, afterwards they kept in contact through letters and phone calls.

Three years later, when Ivanna approached him to reveal she felt like she was a he instead, Alberto had to force himself to smile pleasantly at her as she poured her soul to him, and comforted her afterwards even though he wanted to much to shake her out of whatever funk she was in, and tell her his feelings.

Yet Alberto didn't, because he could not bear the thought of making her sad with his words.

So he left her do whatever she wanted to do, and stayed by her side, and even called her Ivan.

Nearly immediately she came out to her family and unsurprisingly they did not approve of her decision, and kicked her out of the family. Alberto was sure her nonna would have welcomed Ivanna with her arms open had she been alive, but alas, that wasn't the case, the old woman died a few weeks earlier, and this they found themselves homeless, and without a single coin to their names.

But then, he came. Mikhail.

Even the name made Alberto want to vomit all over the place.

Alberto knew what kind of person that psycho was. He had met many like him when he lived on Italy's streets. Cunning, and charming. They lured you with pretty words and empty promises to do their bidding for them. And if there was something Alberto hated more than anything, it was the fact that he was using Ivanna, that he was manipulating her, and her heart.

It was inconceivable.

Yet, Alberto knew that if he were to tell Ivanna of it, she wouldn't believe him, and would sent him away.

That was something he never wanted to imagine.

So Alberto kept his mouth shut despite everything he wanted to say, just so that he could stay by Ivanna's side. He kept silent as he witnessed Ivanna's heart little by little falling into the web of lies that Mikhail was spitting, and he kept silent as she became lost in the sea of blood Mikhail laid at her feet.

Alberto's heart, and perhaps his mind too, completely broke after Ivanna announced she would get married to a man of Mikhail's choosing, and provide a strong heir.

Every time he looked at Ivanna's child he wanted nothing more than to strangle its little neck until the little brat was nothing more than a big blotch of red and purple. Alberto couldn't honestly wait for the day when the little brat got itself killed by accident, even if it would made his beloved Ivanna sad.

He couldn't wait for the day he would finally kill the bane of his existence.

It would be a lie to say that the heir Strauss was anything but adorable at the young age of three months old. Although, it would also be a lie to say that the child was the heir of the Strauss family at all.

Anastasia Ileana Strauss was born a warm spring morning of April 10. She had been born smaller than what her birth mother would have liked, and definitely the wrong sex in her uncle's eyes as well as the rest of her famiglia. Her father on the other hand, was completely smitten with the little thing. From her little toes up to her chubby cheeks, angelic smile, and amazing eyes. He didn't care his heir was a little bambina [**], his mother had been the strongest woman he had met to date, and his beloved Ivanna was strong as well. For him, having a female heir was nothing to be ashamed of.

Unfortunately, not everyone felt like he did.

Emilio Arrighetti was not the don of his own famiglia. Emilio's little brother had instead taken that position after Emilio declined the post. Since he was a small child he had known that he didn't want to lead the famiglia, and that his little brother, despite being younger than himself, was better qualified that he would ever be. He had planned on leaving Italy after he turned eighteen, and then move to some other place like the US, or Brazil. Somewhere away from Europe.

Emilio never took in consideration the possibility of him falling in love and deciding to stay in Italy for a woman.

Emilio was a year older than his queridisima[***] Ivanna, so there was nearly no age difference between them with the exception of a few months. They met just after she had turned seventeen, her cousin Mikhail had gone over to their mansion to discuss the terms on their new alliance, and he had brought Ivanna and her right-hand man along with him.

Ivanna had been so charming, and even if she preferred pants over skirts, she was undeniable beautiful. Emilio was hooked after just a few hours of talking with her, and was understandably surprised when for the first time since he was a little child he found himself not waiting for the time when he could finally fun away from the criminal life he had been entitled to.

From then on Emil started to involve himself more in the mafia life. He started to ask his brother for information, and even though little Ernesto was a little wary in the beginning (because please, there had to be a reason for Emilio to suddenly take interest in the famiglia), he agreed after a while. Eventually, he met with Ivanna once more and from then on their friendship started to develop further until a few years later when he finally proposed to her.

He was deeply saddened with he was rejected.

Emilio was a wreck the next few weeks after the rejection from his queridisima Ivanna. He hadn't known what to do, could he still call himself her friend? Did Ivanna wanted to be his friends still regardless of their previous romantic involvement? Did she wanted to see him at all?

In the end, none of that had mattered because his beloved Ivanna came back to his arms and agreed to marry him.

And nothing made him happier than that.

When Anastasia Strauss was born there were many speculation of what would happen to the child. On one hand, the Strauss family did not want a female heir, neither did they wanted her as a backup plan like her mother had been to Mikhail. Mikhail was currently without an heir, and all of Ivanna's sibling had perished during the last few years, all at Mikhail's hand, not that Ivanna knew of course.

Mikhail himself wanted to kill the little brat for ruining his plans and being born a useless girl. His current wife had yet to give him a child and he was sincerely planning on killing her after years of proving herself unable to conceive a child. After he had determined that marrying Ivanna himself and impregnating her would be more trouble that it was worth (with all of having only a chance of 1 in a million of the child not being born defective, and no wait in hell did he wanted an idiotic and useless heir), he had then proceeded to go for the next best thing and married her into an allied famiglia. It was just his luck that the older brother of the current don of the Arrighetti was smitten with Ivanna, and Ivanna herself was in love with the man even if she herself didn't realized it.

The Strauss Don was enraged when he heard from Ivanna that she rejected Emilio's proposal and wanted to slap her silly until she bled all over the floor. Nonetheless, he managed to control himself and told her it was okay to marry him because she loved Emilio, and Mikhail wanted nothing more than her happiness.

(As if.)

Three months later Ivanna found herself married to a man she could honestly said she loved, and he loved her back, even if sometimes she still had identity crisis and she felt like she was Ivan all over again. Emilio simply accepted her as she was. Ivan(na) in return tried to dress girly just for him, tried to bring out her feminine side. She didn't want Emilio to stop loving her/him.

Perhaps, if she had voiced her concerns to him before, she wouldn't have ended up with her head more messed up.

It was until after their second year of marriage that Ivanna gave Emilio an heir.

Her little Luka Erasmo Strauss-Arrighetti.

Only... it wasn't.

Ivan(na) wasn't sure how to feel when he/she was told he/she had given birth to a healthy baby girl.

A baby girl.

Ivan(na) wanted nothing more than to recoil from the little life when the nurses put it on his/her hands and encouraged him/her to hug the child.

Ivanna wanted nothing more than to throw it away.

But Ivan wanted nothing more than to treasure the little baby and to never let go.

Ivanna was taught that females were a liability, and something to be dealt with so they didn't become a thorn at one's side.

Ivan had learned that all lives were precious, no matter what, especially babies. They were hard to take care of, yet so easy to hurt. They were pure creatures that needed guidance, and love, and care. Ivan had wanted nothing more than to care for his own child.

It was then that the conflict inside the young woman's mind started, and everything went downhill from there.

Anastasia was sent to live with her father after her mother was diagnosed with several mental disorders, including postpartum psychosis, and that made her incapable of raising her own daughter. Mikhail honestly didn't give a damn about her, and after all the things Ivanna was diagnosed with, he quickly got rid of her too, and sent her and Alberto packing, basically telling them not to come back.

Emilio had been devastated with the news, not only his wife was mentally fragile at the moment (and had brought along her loyal dog that Emilio was sure was plotting his imminent death), he had a practically newborn baby to raise, and his brother was currently in war with another famiglia and there was a lot of tension, and he had no idea what to do.

In the end, none that mattered, because Emilio and his famiglia were massacred three months after Anastasia's birth, and not a single soul was spared. It was only luck that Ivanna, Alberto and little Anastasia weren't at the mansion.

Mikhail reluctantly agreed to welcome Ivanna, her daughter, and lapdog back only because when the woman begged him on her hands and knees, she had brought along Anastasia, and he was nearly burn by the intensity and purity of Sky flames with secondary Sun flames the brat emanated from her little body.

He couldn't get Ivanna, but maybe his newly discovered son could get Anastasia.

Mikhail had learned about his son Nicolay not long after he had casted away Ivanna and her brat. A whore had approached one of the members of his famiglia saying she had bore him a child, and wanted compensation of such thing. His lackey had been this close to kill her if she hadn't brought along said child with her.

The resemblance was remarkable.

So she was taken to him, and blood tests were made. Needless to say, the boy was his. Mikhail then took them in, married the irritating woman, if only for the sake of appearances and spouted some bullshit about wanting to hide them form the underworld, and then started raising and shaping his son however the hell he wanted.

And then, it was almost as if fate had dropped Anastasia on his fucking lap.

He knew he couldn't have the child anywhere near him and his son right now. He needed to shape her, to make her follow his every order careful not to cause he just like her own mother.

He needed to break her.

Mikhail knew the girl was even stronger than Nikolay, despite being younger than her own son, and a forced harmonization at this age would not end well. At least not for Nikolay, and the last thing he needed was another dead heir. So the next logical explanation would be raising Anastasia to be weak and meek so that when she was older she was more than eager to submit her flames to Nikolay, and then marry him and produce strong heirs.

But the thing was, he could not do it with her family breathing down his neck.

Don't misunderstand, the girl had no family on her father side anymore, he had made sure of that, but the Arrighetti Don used to be the best friend of Vongola Nono's son Federico, and the man insisted on checking up on the girl, so having her anywhere near him would only paint a target on his head if anyone noticed the brat was being mistreated.

He had tried to send her somewhere else where one of his men could raise her and shape her like wanted her to be, unfortunately, the Vongola Nono had insisted on having her in Italy until she was at least five years old, so he allowed it. It was merely a coincidence that he had discovered that the Vongola's head of CEDEF had a family, and it made him cackle in delight to know Iemitsu's son was merely a few months older than Ivanna's brat.

Mikhail always knew his destiny was to destroy the most powerful famiglia. Having all of the little things fall into place without moving a single finger was only a sign of the fate he was already aware of: that it was his fate to destroy the Vongola. His, and his alone. And since he was obvious he would never be able to destroy the Vongola by attacking from the front, he would make it so it would happen right from their backs.

And Anastasia would do it all for him.

The first time Anastasia, or Sia as she liked to be called, dreamed of having another life, of living on another world, she was three years old. Sia was confused, and being a little kid she went and asked her caretaker to explain to her what that was all about. Obviously, she was only explanation she was given was something among the lines of 'you have a very active imagination' and 'stop this silly questions' before she was sent right back to her room, and no food was given to her that day.

From then on, Anastasia started dreaming more often of 'Amarande' and her life. The little three year old was confused as of what exactly was all that about until she simply decided that 'Amarande' was her friend that no one else seemed to believe in, probably an 'imaginary' friend since her caretaker Petrova often called her that.

Amarande was a few years older than Sia herself, she looked like an adult in Sia's opinion, but she didn't know her age exactly. They never talked, and Sia only saw her when she was asleep. It took Sia a while to realize she was seeing Amarande's life every time she went to sleep, so when she reached five years of age, she concluded that Amarande was indeed real, and she simply lived somewhere else. Sia often thought that Amarande was lonely and wanted someone to play with so she sent Sia those memories of her day because Sia herself was lonely and wanted someone to play with too. Sia thought it was Amarande's way to tell Sia to go over and play with her.

Sia was ecstatic when she was told by Petrova that Alberto had ordered to send her to live in Japan.

Japan where Amarande lived.

Learning Japanese was easier than learning either Russian or German, or even Italian in her opinion. The language came to her naturally, it was as if she had practically known it before she had even learned her native language, and she hadn't been aware of it until she tried to learn it.

Moving to Namimori was a nice experience in Sia's opinion. She had just recently turned six, and she had never before left the manor in Italy, not even to go to the garden, so it was a nice change being able to leave the house whenever she wanted, although she did felt lonely with only Petrova looking after her even if master Alberto said he would make monthly visits to check up on her.

Sia didn't like the man, he gave her the chills, especially with those cold brown eyes he gave her every time he looked in her direction.

Unfortunately, not everything was goon on Sia's world. She had tried to look for Amarande, but she had no idea where she lived, and the last time she went out of the house she got lost. It was pure luck that she had ended up at the police station and they had managed to contact Petrova, although she did ended up being punished for her little stunt, and that was something Sia did not want a repeat of. Ever.

Nonetheless, the more Sia explored Namimori and the more she walked through the streets of the little town, the more she started to recognize them.

They reminded her of Amarande's hometown.

Such discovery made Sia want to jump in joy, but she had refrained from doing so because Petrova didn't like loud noises when she was sleeping after drinking the weird smelling liquid, so the little six year old had simply left the house, and tried to find the house that belonged to Amarande.

Obviously, such things are easier said than done. Amarande did not find the house as soon as she would have liked. The memories of where Amarande lived where a little blurry and sometimes she got lost, fortunately she was able to find her way back home rather easily, and there was no repeat of the first time she got lost.

It a little more than a year later than Sia found herself in front of the house she was sure belonged to her dear friend Amarande, and prepared herself to find the only person she was certain she could call a friend.

It was perhaps her luck, that she had found it, just not the way she had expected to.

"Hieee?"

Will I discontinue this story? Hey, guys! I've been planning to tell this to you before but better late than never. About 99% of fanfictions are left incomplete and I'm sure all of you have experienced the frustration that comes with it. You end up really liking a story but the author never updates again. I'm guilty of that crime too so this time I want to set the record straight with the following info:

*The story is in my head.

*The only reason I'm writing it is to share it with other people and get feedback.

*Is there a point on writing it if there is no reader interest? No.

*How do I know about reader interest? Through reviews.

*If I see a decline in reader interest, I'll stop updating and discontinue.

*Here's the thing- this is not a punishment or warning. if you guys lose interest, I respect that. If no one is benefitting from my writing, I'll just stop spending time on it whenever I'm available, and move on to something else my readers show more interest in. I hope that logically makes sense to you.

*The good news? If I decide to discontinue I will most likely post a chapter with all my notes about how I planned the story to fo (and to end, if I had reached that point) before I go to give you some closure. Unfortunately, I will not do this to some of them because: 1) I completely forgot about it and the plot bunny simply disappeared, or 2) I'm planning on rewriting it sometime in the future (probably very far, but still).

I recommend that every writer (you) should set the expectations straight for your reader. Are you someone who likes your story and doesn't really care if there are reviews? Are you a writer who is only motivated by reviews and will not update if you don't get the number of reviews you want? Are you someone who only updates when they feel like it? Inform your readers as early as you can. You are free to copy/paste this on your story and edit it to suit your needs.

Hufff! I'm finally done!

I want to apologize for the really long wait (it's been a year!), but I hope this long update can make you guys less angry at me...

Anyway, I know that at this point many of you are pretty confused, but worry not! The mystery surrounding Sia and Amarande will be resolved within the next few chapters (if some of you haven't figured it out already).

I love you guys don't forget to review! XD

[＊]Alles Ändert Sich In Einem Einzigen Augenblick: In a moment, everything changes. German.

[＊] Alles Ergibt Sinn: Everything falls into place. German.

*Anastasia: Resurrection. Russian.

*Amarande: Eternal. German.

[*]Nonna: Grandmother. Italian.

[**]Queridisima: Precious, beloved. Italian.

And sorry for the mistakes.

Bye bye!

Mia Heartnet.