The Most Convenient Definitions

By Vinkunwildflowerqueen

DISCLAIMER: I am no Stephen Schwartz or Winnie Holzman; and as now established through this story, I am sadly no John Hughes. So clearly I own nothing of either Wicked nor The Breakfast Club.

AN. Wicked inspired The Breakfast Club. Or, as I've been calling it, Breakfast Club- lite. Very very very lite. This was surprisingly hard to adapt. Hence, my sad realisation I am no John Hughes, and I don't know why I thought I could adapt TBC for Wicked. But it's done now.

Chapter One: 7.00 am, Saturday 21st March, 1936

"Dear Madame Morrible,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong, but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are.

You see us as you want to see us ... in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as a nerd, anda playboy andan outcast, a princessanda delinquent.Correct?

That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed."

"It's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday."

Elphaba said nothing as they crossed the courtyard towards the library, their breath rising before them in the chilly March air.

Everything was absurd according to Galinda that morning, and Elphaba had been hearing about it since she had woken her roommate up at six o'clock that morning.

It was absurd that they had detention on a Saturday, that Galinda had gotten detention at all, and it was completely absurd that they were expected to meet Madame Morrible in the library at seven o'clock on a Saturday morning. It was a place Galinda tried to avoid even on weekdays.

But no matter if Elphaba may have agreed with her friend on some of those points, she had no patience for Galinda's melodrama that morning. She had her own concerns that trumped Galinda's deprivation of her beauty sleep.

"You're the one who skipped class to go shopping," Elphaba finally answered, when it became clear that Galinda wasn't going to let up any time soon.

"There was a sale," Galinda retorted, as though that justified everything. "One day only, Elphie. Seventy per cent off! You expect me to pass that up?!" she demanded.

Elphaba rolled her eyes irritably.

Galinda eventually picked up that her roommate was troubled.

"Are you really worried about your father?" she asked, her tone softening.

"Yes," Elphaba admitted.

She was entirely conscious that her enrolment on Shiz was dependant on her father's approval. And when Elphaba had told Nessarose where she'd be spending her Saturday, her sister had not been impressed. Nessa also hadn't hesitated to lecture Elphaba on the subject and then finished by saying she was "obligated" to tell their father.

Now Elphaba was trying not to panic that Frex might pull her out of Shiz.

"You should have just told Nessa you'd be hiding away to study all day," Galinda said. "She'd believe that, and then she wouldn't tell your father."

"Morrible's going to be writing to our parents anyway," Elphaba reminded her. "And I don't lie to Nessa."

"It's not a lie. It's just not telling her all the information. Like I did. Do you think I was going to tell the girls and Fiyero that I was going to be in detention?"

The blonde looked horrified at the mere thought.

"No, of course not! So, I told the girls I wasn't feeling well and I was going to have a quiet day resting so we can go to the OzDust tonight. And Fiyero already had plans for today, anyway. Although he wouldn't say what… he's been acting so odd lately."

Elphaba ignored her last remark. "I would have thought you can tell him. I'm sure the scandalacious boy wonder would be impressed you got detention- even for something as lame as skipping class."

Galinda levelled her with a glare. "Don't call him that. And skipping class is not lame! Especially coming from the girl who won't even tell me why she got detention."

Elphaba kept her mouth firmly shut and looked away. Galinda had been pushing Elphaba to find out why the green girl had detention for the past four days, but Elphaba flatly refused to say anything.

"Besides, I thought you and Fiyero were getting along better now?" Galinda asked.

Elphaba hesitated. "We are. I guess," she replied awkwardly.

It wasn't so much a matter of getting along, but it was so awkward between Elphaba and Fiyero these days- since the day Dr Dillamond had been fired.

It had been two weeks since then, and Elphaba never knew what to say to him when they found themselves in the same room. And as Fiyero had been dating Galinda for almost a month now, that was a lot. Much more frequent than Elphaba would prefer.

"You should come to the OzDust with us tonight," Galinda said brightly to Elphaba as they climbed the library steps.

These invitations were becoming more frequent, and still took Elphaba a moment to realise it wasn't a joke. She and Galinda had only been friends for a month now, she was still trying to adjust to what that meant.

"I don't know…"

"Think about it," Galinda wheedled her. "I've got some new ideas I want to try out on your hair."

Elphaba stifled a groan as she opened the door. Galinda was taking her new "project" to make Elphaba "popular" seriously, and she wasn't going to "launch" (her word, not Elphaba's) the finished product until she was a hundred per cent sure. They'd been taking baby steps- introducing a different hairstyle, change in wardrobe and hair tossing lessons, but Galinda repeatedly assured Elphaba they had much more work to do.

Thankfully, their arrival in the library meant Elphaba was saved from answering. Galinda went quiet and tried to hide behind Elphaba until she could establish who else was in detention with them and whether she could be seen by them.

They made their way, as per instructions, to the study area on the first floor where there was several rows of desks. The room was so far empty, save for one person.

"Boq?" Elphaba asked, stopping dead in her tracks and narrowing her eyes at the Munchkin boy.

Boq cleared his throat awkwardly. "Hello."

Galinda peered around Elphaba's shoulder and brightened. "Hello, Bick!" she greeted him.

Boq flushed and immediately rose to his feet. "Miss Galinda! G-Good morning."

Galinda gasped softly as she got a good look at the Munchkin. "Oh, Bick-"

"Boq," Elphaba and Boq corrected her in unison.

"-What happened to you?!"

Boq's face reddened further. "I, er-"

Galinda turned to Elphaba in disapproval. "This isn't why you got detention, was it?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "I'm not responsible for Boq's black eye. Although I want to know who is, so I can send them flowers," she replied, glaring at Boq, who cowered.

The Munchkin was in Elphaba's bad books for breaking up with Nessarose the week before, with no more explanation than "It's not you, it's me," which even Elphaba knew was a line- and a complete load of crap.

Nessa was devastated, sure that it was in fact, her- or more accurately, her chair. And Boq had been avoiding Elphaba's fury ever since.

Boq sank back into his seat, staring at his desk.

Elphaba stalked past him and planted herself in the back right corner. Galinda followed her, as though hoping she would be unnoticeable in the back of the room. Boq's eyes followed Galinda to the back, until she sat next to Elphaba and Boq caught the green girl's eye, and then he hastily whirled around to the front of the room again.

Elphaba glanced at the clock at the front of the room. It was still five minutes to seven. The three sat there in silence. Boq had brought some books and was studying- or pretending to. Elphaba sighed and took off her coat, placing it on the back of her chair. She drew out a book from her bag and opened it, although she wasn't really seeing the words on the page; while Galinda sat next to her, filing her nails.

At two minutes to seven, they heard footsteps approaching and they all looked up.

"Fiyero!" Galinda exclaimed, torn between mortification at being caught and delight at seeing her boyfriend.

Fiyero paused for a moment, his taking in the room and it's occupants at a sweep before he grinned at Galinda.

"Hi. You have detention?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"These are your plans for today?" Galinda demanded of him, not answering his question.

"Um, yeah," Fiyero admitted sheepishly. "What did you do?"

Galinda blushed prettily. "Oh, well… that's not important."

"There was a sale," Elphaba spoke up, which explained everything Fiyero needed to know, which also directed Fiyero's attention to her.

"What did you do?" he asked her.

Elphaba clamped her lips tightly together and stared at her book. Galinda looked to Fiyero and shrugged. Fiyero nodded awkwardly and took a seat in the third row on the left hand side. Galinda immediately jumped up from her seat and moved to sit next to him, leaving Elphaba alone in the corner.

Exactly on seven o'clock, they heard footsteps again. Elphaba assumed it was Madame Morrible, but when the person came into view, she groaned.

Avaric stopped at the front of the room to survey the others, smirking.

"Well, well, well. What have we here?"

Even from three rows back, Elphaba could see Galinda blush, and she knew why. Avaric would have no hesitation about spreading word about campus that the "good girl" had gotten a Saturday detention. Although Elphaba was also sure that Avaric's silence could be bought- but she was wary what price Avaric would demand for his silence.

Elphaba's day just got ten times worse. After more than a semester at Shiz, she still wasn't sure how Avaric remained near the top of the popularity scale while being such an ass. She suspected his family's money had something to do with that. Fiyero had his faults, but at least people still liked him. Elphaba didn't think anyone genuinely liked Avaric, yet he was a fixture in the most popular circles.

"The princess, the dork and the Artichoke. Well, this is a merry party, isn't it?"

"Yes, because you're such great company," Elphaba snarked.

Avaric sneered her. "You ask me, greenie. What, you're sitting up there with all your friends?"

Elphaba glowered at him furiously, as Galinda looked over her shoulder at her apologetically.

"Hey, Yero," Avaric greeted Fiyero, turning his attention away from Elphaba.

"Hey," Fiyero replied. "What did you get busted for?"

"Take your seat, Mr Tenmeadows," Madame Morrible's voice said from the doorway before Avaric could reply.

Avaric looked over his shoulder at the Headshizstress, before strolling nonchalantly to the back of the room and sitting in the opposite corner from Elphaba. Elphaba figured this was as close as he could get to antagonise her without having to actually sit near the green girl.

Morrible strode to the front of the room, staring them all down.

"Miss Elphaba, must you hide away in the back corner of every room?" she sighed.

Elphaba inwardly bristled at her tone, and fought not to show it. "I'm fine here, thank you, Madame."

Morrible looked sceptical, but turned to address them as a whole.

"I am very disappointed to see some of you here today," she said.

Boq reddened, Elphaba stared at the table top and Galinda looked as though she might burst into tears.

"Others, I am not surprised to see."

Fiyero shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but Avaric yawned loudly, unaffected by her speech.

"The time is now seven o'clock," Morrible continued. "Until four o'clock this afternoon, you will not leave this room. You will not speak, you will not study-"

Elphaba saw Boq hastily slide his books away from him, and she slowly closed the book she had been reading.

"You will not sleep."

These words seemed to be directed to Avaric and Fiyero.

"What I expect of you, for the next nine hours, is for you to reflect on what you did wrong. On the rules you broke, and the ways in which you have let down myself, your parents, the school and yourself. Do I make myself clear?"

Silence met her.

"You are young adults now. From these ivy covered walls, you will take your place in the world. Some of you, Oz forbid, are going to one day rule a province of Oz."

She narrowed her eyes at Fiyero, who was sitting very still.

"Childish and immature behaviour will not be tolerated in the real world, nor will I tolerate it in here. It is time you all grew up and thought about the people you want to be."

"Can I be a superhero?" Avaric called out. Morrible ignored him.

"We're going to try something a little different today," she told them. She held up something and Elphaba realised it was a stack of paper and pencils.

"I want you all to write an essay of no less than one thousand words."

Elphaba straightened, as did Boq in the front row. An essay didn't sound too bad. Fiyero groaned audibly.

"This essay is to describe to me, the person that you are."

Elphaba's brow furrowed as Morrible began to walk to each of them, handing them each a sheet of paper and a pencil.

"Are we being graded on this?" Boq asked tentatively, turning around to look at her.

Morrible heaved a sigh. "You need to learn, Mr Underhill, that the real word will not grade you."

Boq hesitated awkwardly. That didn't answer his question.

"I only need one word," Avaric chimed in, smirking.

"Yeah, asshole," Elphaba said under her breath. Avaric shot a glare at her, but Morrible apparently didn't hear her.

Morrible levelled him with a stony glare as she handed him his pencil and paper. "One thousand words, Mr Tenmeadows. No less."

She placed a sheet of paper on Elphaba's table and walked away to the front of the room again, placing the remaining paper on an empty table in the front row.

"Anyone who does not complete the assignment at the end of the day, will be joining me for another Saturday's detention. Does anyone not understand?"

Avaric raised his hand, looking confused. "Um, yeah. How many words is a thousand? Is that more or less than one?"

"It's a thousand less than the number of brain cells you have," Elphaba remarked coldly. "Of course, I'm surprised you can count to ten, although I suppose you can always count on your fingers."

He looked to her. "Let me count the number of shits anyone gives about you, green bean," he shot back. He very slowly began counting on his fingers. "One… two… oh, no wait. It's this many," he sneered, and held up a fist.

"Hey!" Galinda and Fiyero exclaimed in unison.

"That is enough!" Morrible raised her voice over them all.

Fiyero and Galinda turned around to the front of the room once more. Avaric snorted derisively, shooting a smug look at Elphaba. She ignored him and stared ahead, her head held high.

Morrible glanced at the clock in the front of the room. "You have eight hours and fifty four minutes. I will be downstairs in the librarian's office, and I will be checking on you. There is not to be any noise coming from this room," she warned them.

"Get to work."

As Morrible left the room, and her footsteps faded, silence did descend upon the room. For a moment.

"This is so ridiculous," Galinda complained. "I thought we'd be doing nothing, I didn't think we'd get work to do."

"So don't do it," Fiyero shrugged. "I'm not."

"You want to get more detention?" Elphaba asked in disbelief.

Fiyero turned around in his seat to look at her. "As opposed to writing an essay about 'who we are'? What kind of dumb essay is that?"

"I am Elphaba."

The other's eyes all turned to Avaric at the sound of his voice. He had his feet on the desk and his paper resting on his knee as he pretended to write something.

"I am green," he continued. "The End."

"Shut up, Avaric," Elphaba snapped. "I may be green, but at least I'm not a waste of space."

"Are you sure about that?" Avaric sneered, looking up at her.

"I think we should just do our essays," Boq said nervously, but too quietly for anyone to take notice of him.

"Avaric, leave her alone," Galinda scowled at Avaric, ignoring Boq or perhaps not just hearing him. "Just sit there and shut up."

Avaric looked at her innocently and mimed locking his lips shut and throwing away the key.

"If only it were that simple," Elphaba breathed.

Then she pulled her own paper towards her and blocked out the others in the room.

AN. A few updates, for those of you who don't follow me on Twitter/Tumblr/whatever.

I have started my new/old job (old school, new job within the school). It's very weird teaching kids you don't see. But it's far less stressful, and that's a bonus.

Check out my blog for recent posts on my notes/expanded canon on The Right Thing To Do (instead of a sequel. I had ideas on what happened to everyone, but not enough to actually write a sequel); and also a post on how I picture each province of Oz as I write (with pictures). Link as always is on my profile.