A/N: Long time no read! Hi y'all :D I hope you're all doing great. The amount of reviews, follows, and favourites I got on this story and all my other stories is mind blowing. Thank you all so much :D
I've been having the most horrible writer's block where my brain just refuses to cooperate with me :( If this chapter feels a bit off, that's why. I decided to post this chapter just so I can at least move on with the story.
I hope you've all reread the chapters since quite a lot has changed, detail-wise and I think characters are more fleshed out.
As for the reviews:
Agnes, thank you soo much for your kind words 3
Guest who left me comments in Swedish (I used google translate to read it) – thank you very much, I'm happy to know my writing is keeping you interested in Jax/Tara stories :D
Gigi – you are right partly. Jax is scared of his feeling for Tara but I think future chapters will reveal just what he thinks and feels about her exactly.
Betsy – Don't worry, there will be no threesome. Not because I'm against it (Smoaking Billionaires, anyone (Arrow fandom)?), but I'm not into writing that.
These are my answers to the reviewers with no account on this page so I couldn't answer them directly. As for everyone else, I hope I answered your questions.
And for some people who kept pestering me about updates with no regards to me whatsoever and were extremely rude: I HAVE A LIFE! Nobody, including you, is paying me to write fanfiction. I write it for fun, so I can see what my imagination can do, so I could share my stories with other fans who I know will support me and be nice when asking about updates.
Again, I really can't tell you when the next update will be. Sorry :( Sorry if there are any typos.
Enjoy reading :D
Remembrance
"Mom, when can we go see Tara?" – six-year-old Jax asked, lifting his head from his colouring book featuring all types of motorcycles his father had bought him, a deep frown etched on his young forehead.
Gemma turned off the tap and picked up a towel to dry her hands, then turned to face her son with a serious expression on her face mixed with pain she tried to mask from him.
How could she explain to her little boy he would probably never see his friend again?
"Baby, I told you. We can't go anywhere now. Your dad and most of the MC went to visit your uncle Jury. We'll have to wait for him to come back then we'll see, 'key?" – she sat next to him, rubbing his back and giving him a strained smile. She felt horrible for lying to him, however, the prospect of truth was terrifying her even more. Everyone, including her, hoped Jax would forget about Tara over time.
"But, I've not seen her since like, foreveeeeer! I miss her! Can't you ask her mom and dad to let her come to us then?"- Jax was now pouting, frustration rising in his small body, his chest puffing.
It had been seven months and three days since he last saw Tara. He knew that because he'd been counting since the day they said their goodbyes. They were at the airport. Tara was crying and he was crying.
One minute their hands were entwined and he was hugging her so fiercely, afraid to let go of her lest she disappeared. She whispered 'wow you, Ja'son' into his chest so timidly he barely heard it; he heard it nevertheless.
Her face smelled of strawberries they had been eating before his mom came into his room that afternoon accompanied by Tara's dad who said they had to leave immediately.
He tried chasing after her, but his mom stopped him, locking him in her embrace as he screamed Tara's name. People turned heads to see who was yelling. Jax didn't care.
His mother was whispering something in his ear, caressing his dishevelled blond hair, but Jax was deaf to everything and everyone. His eyes and ears were trained on one person. Have been since he met her. And they were now taking her away from him. Away.
"Taraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" – he choked, sniffing back his tears that wouldn't stop streaming down his face; his cheeks were crimson and his throat hurt form all the yelling.
He saw her tear-stained cheeks, her heard her sobs and her calling out his name in the way that always made his little heart jump with glee in his chest. He saw her struggling against her father's firm grip as he rushed her towards the gate, her chestnut curls shaking around her head as she tried to wriggle her hand out of her father's, at the same time reaching with her other hand for Jax.
That had been seven months and three days ago and still, the image haunted him still. Jax had no idea why her family had to leave Charming in such a rush and why Tara couldn't have stayed with him. He didn't understand everything and that made him all the more angry.
Adults were selfish. And stupid.
For the following month, Jax would cry himself to sleep and ask for Tara, and every night his mother would sing him lullaby to sooth him, wrapping him in her arms and promising that he would talk to Tara.
He never heard from her or about her again. Not until his dad came to him with the craziest and probably the most unexpected proposition.
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Three months had passed since Tara Telford, now Tara Teller, moved from the gloomy and rainy London to sun-washed Charming, California.
Getting used to the change was hard, but she managed just fine, if you asked her. She owed her quick and almost painful adjustment to Trinity and Vivian most of all, who gave their very best to befriend her, making their girl power clique in the process.
They would organise weekly outings to the local spa (it felt like heaven to Tara!) where they would gossip and exchange life stories.
Trinity always had some fresh gossips about the MC members or some funny stories to share with them, and Vivian would tell them about the complicated network of one-night stands/relationships/awkward relations amongst the staff at the hospital.
Honestly, Tara thought that each of those stories could have served as the basis for a telenovela. As for her, she would tell them all about the stupid and odd habits of her boss aka The Devil, as they referred to him at the Charming Daily.
Some week following her arrival to Charming, Tara managed to find a job in the local newspaper. True, it was just a small office with a handful of employees and journalists, but Tara found it quite enjoyable. There was something about everything being set to a much slower pace than back home that made her feel comfier here in Charming.
And every time she'd catch herself referring to London as her home, she would always correct herself. This was her home now, at least for a foreseeable future, and these people her were her family, her friends. As much as she would like to say she hated it here, she knew she just couldn't. And that's the reason why McKenna kept laughing at her every time they would talk on the phone or on Skype, mentioning all the offensive names Tara had called Charming before she tied the knot with Jax.
Working at the Charming Daily had its perks, like shorter working hours (it's was quite a small town and to no surprise, most of the big news concerning SAMCRO were swept under the rug), actually likable co-workers and surprisingly no creepers hitting on her. Though, Tara suspected it had more to do with who her husband was, rather than guys being nice and minding her marital status.
The down side of her new job: everyone, and that did indeed include ever single person in that office, had asked her about Jax or MC at least once. What were they really like? How could she have moved to America just for the sake of marrying Jax? How long did they date before marrying and how come no one knew about her before? Was Jax ever violent to her? Was she afraid of SAMCRO?
Tara knew SAMCRO was as great of a mystery to the locals as they were to her and in a way, she understood their curiosity. She was curious too, but she knew where to stop her inquiry and focus on something else before risking her life over some shady SAMCRO dealings.
Sometimes though, the questions would cross the line and Tara found herself defending the MC and Jax so fiercely, it felt contradictory to everything she had ever said about them. McKenna would definitely have a field day with this.
...
After her shift at the hospital had ended, Vivian came over to Tara and Jax's, something that became a ritual over the past month.
The girls became friends instantly. Tara appreciated their girl time, since McKenna was so far away and Tara missed her immensely, plus it was good having another woman for a friend when almost all the people she was surrounded by (since she came to Charming all those months ago) were SAMCRO members and their girls/wives/one-night stands, and Gemma and Trinity. Not much of a choice there (although, both Gemma and her daughter did everything they could to ensure no one messed with Tara; Gemma did everything over the top, but still, it was nice to know she was looking out for her.)
She plopped down onto the couch sighing loudly, pulling off her scrunchy as her thick chestnut hair fell around her shoulders. Tara put the laptop she was holding in her lap on the table, and offered her some beer and plopped back next to her, tucking her feet under her.
"By the look on your face, I'm guessing you had a tough day."
"Like you wouldn't believe. That dick Andrews has been insufferable the entire day, having me run from one part of the hospital to another because he always seemed to forget something. He's doing everything he can to torture me and for the life of me I don't know why."
Tara regarded her sympathetically, patting her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Viv. I know you've been working so hard. Based on what you've told me so far and by what I've seen, I think it would benefit you to take a break. Just for a week maybe, to relax, have fun, and not to think about anything."
Vivian raked her fingers through her curls, leaning back on the couch. - "I know, I know. I've been thinking the same thing this entire week. There's just so much work and sometimes I feel like my head's going to explode. I wish I could just disappear for a few days."
Tara smiled with a glint in her eyes as she readjusted in her seat.
"Talk to Jax and see what you can plan. I'm sure he can make some time for you in spite of all this club business going awry. Aaaand- "- she said more enthusiastically,- "I'll see when Trinity's free and we can go shopping! I seriously need to get out of here, it's starting to get boring with nothing to do and see here."
Vivian smiled back tiredly, a laugh escaping her lips. "Yeah, there's not much to do here in Charming."
Tara mouthed to say something when a sound was heard, notifying Tara someone was calling her on Skype. She leaned forward to read Rhydian's name on her laptop screen and her heart skipped a beat, her lips immediately stretching into a grin she tried to hide by biting her lip.
"Who's the hottie?" – exclaimed Vivian and scarring Tara who didn't notice her leaned so close, observing the picture.
"What hottie?"
"The blond one next to the other hottie who I already know is your brother."
Tara's cheeks redden and she gulped nervously, looking back and forth between the picture on the screen and Vivian.
"Oh. That's Rhydian." – even saying his name made her feel all giddy.
Brows furrowed, Vivian looked pensively at the picture. After a few moments, she spoke up. "Ok. His name means zero to me. Who's he to you? An old flame? Please don't tell me he too is your brother because this conversation would sound total weird, and I was definitely not going for that."
Tara laughed nervously, already coming up with the most ridiculous excuses about him and their relation to each other. She could say he was just one of SAMBEL member, an old friend of Finn's. She could say he was just one of her father's lawyers who needed her to sing something or who wanted to discuss something with her.
Lying would be easy.
However, here's the thing: Tara was a terrible liar. She was great at keeping secrets and she thought of herself as a good advisor. But for the life of her she couldn't lie. There were so many memories of her childhood and teenage years she could call to mind where Finn and Rhydian had got in trouble simply because her lies weren't convincing enough and because her facial expression always betrayed her.
Tara now debated whether to tell Vivian the truth or maybe tell a lie and pray she became a better and more believable liar.
She presumed Vivian would support her and be understanding 'cause that's just who she was. At the same time, Tara feared if she didn't say anything Vivian would just keep asking her (there was just a slight chance of that, but still) and what if Gemma overheard that? She would raise hell and God only knows what she would do (Tara still had a vivid image of Gemma's confrontation with Vivian when she found her in their house once).
"Ok, I'm going to tell you but you absolutely have to promise never to mention him unless we're alone. Like, never ever ever!"
She was well aware she probably sounded panicky, maybe even crazy, but the prospect of being interrogated by Gemma, having her pry into the most private parts of her life, was terrifying her.
Vivian rolled her eyes. "I swear. Now tell me!"
Tara quickly typed Rhydian she would call him later then closed her laptop and sat back. She was biting on her thumb nervously and looked almost shy.
"He's... He was my first crush. I've known him since... forever. He's Finn's best friend and the four of us, we've always been together. I didn't really like him at first, but over time I guess I just fell in love with him. When I went to study in England, he would always visit me and bring me presents. Just small tokens of his friendship, even though we both knew it wasn't just friendship between us."
Her voice gave out her emotions, deep and innocent. As she spoke, her face softened and Vivian noticed her hesitating for a second, maybe not ready to share all her feeling for the guy just yet. She encouraged her to continue talking.
"So, are you in a secret relationship? Why haven't you mentioned him before?"
"I never wanted to fall for someone who's a member. Technically speaking, he's not but he's still working for my dad and it's just... I hate that world, this world. All the violence, killings... My whole life I've been trying to escape it. Rhydian doesn't want to leave that life because he feels gratitude to my family for embracing him when his parents were killed."
Vivian nodded in understanding, taking Tara's hand. "Does he love you?"
"Yeah. He loves me and I love him, but we've never managed to make it work." – she smiled, on the brink of crying.
Talking about Rhydian was always a sore subject for Tara, as she always tried to mask her feelings on front of everyone.
"How does he feel about this arrangement, your marriage to Jax?" - Vivian asked carefully.
Tara sniffed. "What do you think? He hates it. Rhydian is stoic and sometimes seems like he doesn't care because he acts cold and distant. That's how people see him. When he's with me though, he's different. And when he talks to me... I can hear the pain in his voice. We were saying our goodbyes at the airport before I came here and he was barely holding it."
She still remembered him pulling her to the side and tentatively caressing her cheek, silently conveying his thoughts to her.
It hurt him she was leaving.
It hurt him he wasn't doing anything to fight this absurd decision.
It hurt him he couldn't leave SAMBEL.
It hurt her he could leave her.
She remembered his arms wrapped around her, the smell of his cologne enveloping her, his lips against her cheek as he whispered 'I love you'. She was crying and was pretty much sure he was fighting tears as well since his voice was unusually raspy.
Something in her mind had flashed at that moment, like remembrance of some other airport goodbye she had had, though the memory was foggy and unreachable.
Vivian's voice brought her back to reality. - "I'm sorry for the way things turned out. I've been saying to Jax, this whole idea is so stupid. You're adults, why should anyone run your lives?"
"I miss him so much, Viv. It's getting harder every time I speak to him. I wish I could just leave. Leave all this and go back home."
Tara leaned her head on Vivian's shoulder as the other consoled her, her voice soothing Tara.
"I know, sweetie. Don't worry. I'm sure Jax's plan will work. When they see you're not into each other, that things can be resolved differently, your parents will most definitely let go of this idea. Then you can go back to your Prince Charming and live happily ever after."
They both laughed at Vivian's words.
"Vivian, I never knew you were such a romantic."
She just shrugged dramatically. -"What can I see. Love is magical and I'm a sucker for romance."
Little did they know that the following year would put their friendships, love, romance, and their princes to the test and result in a catastrophe.
(Don't forget to review. XO)