It was past midnight when the doorbell to Jonathan Crane and Jervis Tetch's apartment rang.

"'The moon was shining sulkily, because she thought the sun, had got no business to be there, after the day was done,'" yawned Tetch, emerging from his bedroom.

"Yes, I agree, Jervis," said Crane, also yawning as he emerged from his separate room, tying on his dressing gown. "Who on earth could that be at this time of night?"

He opened the door and was immediately punched in the face. "Stay the hell away from Harley!" shouted the Joker, his face twisted in rage and covered in blood.

"Joker, what…" began Crane, massaging his jaw, but Joker suddenly punched him again.

"I mean it, Professor! She ain't for you, so just keep your nerdy hands off her! You ain't ever gonna make Jonathan Junior with her, not in this or any other lifetime, you got it?!"

"What in heaven's name are you babbling about?" demanded Crane. He cried out as Joker seized him by the hair and slammed his face into the wall.

"J.J. stands for Joker Junior, and it always will, you got that, you nerdy freak?!" hissed Joker. "Not Jonathan Junior! Your nerd genes will never pollute Harley, so just stay the hell away from her in future! Because if you don't, I'll find out, because I do exist in this reality, understand?! And I don't care if I ain't good boyfriend material, or if her parents don't like me, you are not going to be the father of her children, do you understand?!"

"What are you…talking about?" gasped Crane.

"Joker, leave him alone…" began Tetch, trying to pull Joker off him, but Joker whirled around, holding up a warning finger.

"You stay outta this, runt! I've just got beef with two nerds tonight – don't add yourself to the list!"

"But Joker, he hasn't done anything!" cried Tetch.

"Oh yes, he has!" snapped Joker. "He made me temporarily blind myself! Well, see how you like it, Professor!" he shouted, pulling a seltzer bottle out of his jacket and spraying it into Crane's face. "And you're just lucky that's not acid, which it usually is! I hope this teaches you a lesson about potentially having kids with Harley! It ain't gonna happen, so just get that idea outta your thick head, all right?!"

"Yes…fine…whatever you say!" gasped Crane, sliding to the ground.

"Good," snapped Joker. He kicked him hard in the chest and then strode toward the door. "Don't forget what I've said. And thanks for fixing my profile. Toodles!" he chuckled, slamming the door.

"He's madder than the March Hare," said Tetch, gazing after him. "Whatever do you suppose was all that nonsense he was spouting?"

"You tell me – you're the nonsense expert!" gasped Crane, struggling to his feet. "Though judging by that tirade about two nerds, I presume it has something to do with Edward."

"You don't suppose that was Edward's blood on Joker?" asked Tetch.

"Yes, I do," retorted Crane. He sighed, wiping the water from his face. "I suppose I should count my blessings that I got off as easily as I did for whatever it was I was supposed to have done. At least I only got a little wet."

…

The Joker drove straight from Crane and Tetch's apartment to Poison Ivy's house. He shot the lock off the front door and stormed inside, looking around. There was light and noise coming from one of the rooms, and so Joker headed down the hall toward it, kicking it open.

"Jesus Christ, J, learn to knock!" roared Two-Face, clutching the blankets to him as he climbed off the woman in bed with him which, to Joker's relief, turned out to be Poison Ivy.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" she shrieked, livid, as she grabbed the blankets away from Two-Face to cover herself.

"Come to collect my property, Pammie – where is she?" demanded Joker.

"Not in here!" growled Two-Face. "What kinda people do you think we are?!"

"Oh, I wasn't worried about that, Harvey!" chuckled Joker. "I know all about your two obsession – a threesome would break your brain!"

"She's in her room down the hall, and probably asleep!" snapped Ivy. "And she's an idiot if she even considers going home with you!"

"Well, takes one to know one, Pammie!" chuckled Joker. "Hope you can get the mood back – it's so frustrating to be interrupted in the middle of things!" he laughed, shutting the door and heading down the hall.

He opened the door to Harley's room, and saw her curled up in bed, fast asleep. As he approached, he saw that she was clutching a framed picture of him close to her heart as she slept, like a teddy bear.

For a moment, he just looked at her, studying her pretty face, and how serene it looked in sleep. Then he carefully climbed into bed next to her, and reached out a hand to remove the frame from her embrace.

But she didn't let go. Even in sleep, she had a death grip on it. His wrestling and struggling with it finally woke Harley up, and she stared at him in shock. "Puddin'? Is this a dream?"

"No, it ain't, just gimme the goddamn picture!" snapped Joker, wrenching the frame from her hands and tossing it off the bed. He then put his arms around her, cuddling against her body, and placing his face where the picture had been.

"Puddin'…" she began.

"Don't talk, just sleep," he muttered, shutting his eyes.

She smiled, putting her arms around his neck and kissing the top of his head. "Ok, puddin'," she whispered. "Goodnight."

Joker listened to her heartbeat in silence for a few minutes. "You wanna come home with me tomorrow?" he asked softly.

"Sure thing, puddin'," she whispered.

"Good. That's settled then," he said.

"Though I should be kinda mad at you for killing my date," she added, stroking his hair back.

"Why?" he asked. "You love it when I kill people. Especially when I kill people for trying to get their hands on my stuff."

"Is that what I am?" she asked, grinning. "Your stuff?"

"Doncha like being my stuff?" he asked, raising his head to glance up at her.

"Sure I do, Mr. J," she whispered, smiling at him. "It makes me feel special to be yours."

"Well…you are kinda special, kid," murmured Joker, lying down again.

"Yeah?" she asked, hopefully.

"Yeah," he said. "Like special needs type special!" he giggled.

"Puddin'!" she snapped, glaring at him.

"All right, not that kinda special!" he snapped.

"How then?" she demanded.

He shrugged. "I dunno. Like…"

He trailed off, tracing his finger down her waist. "Like…like when you look out at the city at night, and it's full of all these lighted windows, and they all look the same. Except when you reach one, y'know, the one that's your home, and suddenly the light is different – it's brighter, and warmer. It means more than all those other lights, because it's home. That's what you are, Harley."

"I'm…a window?" she said, puzzled.

"No, that's not what I said!" he retorted.

"I'm a…light?" she tried.

"No! Weren't you listening?!" he demanded, raising his head to glare at her.

She looked into his eyes and realized suddenly what he meant, and felt a warm glow of happiness spread throughout her body. "I'm…your home," she murmured.

He grunted, lying back down. "Took you long enough, you dumb blonde," he muttered. "Get it? I own you, you're my property, I'm inside you a lot…"

"Yeah, I get it, puddin'," she interrupted. "I get it."

"Good. Hate explaining jokes," he said, yawning. "Now go to sleep, you worthless brat – you got a lotta work to do tomorrow to get Eddie's blood outta this suit. And probably the sheets now. But I guess that can always be Pammie's problem," he chuckled. "That'll teach her to set you up with that online dating service!"

Harley smiled, kissing the top of his head. "I love you, puddin'," she whispered. "And I can't wait to go back home with you tomorrow."

"Mmm, already there, sweets," he murmured, shutting his eyes to the soothing rhythm of her heartbeat. "Already there."

The End