Harsh

A/N: I have a confession to make. Thawfest is absolutely positively one of my favorite episodes in the whole freaking series because it basically has everything I love and cherish, like flawed Hiccup and Hiccup/Stoick father/son moments and stuffs x3 seriously I hate when people say Hiccup was "not himself" in Thawfest and try to excuse his behavior. I enjoyed every moment of his arrogance in Thawfest, not because I knew it wasn't him, but because it was him. It was just an uglier, darker side, one no one had previously seen. As Hiccup says in this fic, he doesn't like that part of himself, and he doesn't want to let it control him. Saying that Hiccup was not himself in Thawfest is suggesting that he does not have a darker, meaner side and everyone does. Everyone has a point in which they can turn mean, even Hiccup. And Hiccup's the sweetest fictional character I've ever known, so it says a lot that even he has that side to him. It's just that Hiccup doesn't like that side of himself, so he buries it under the nice side, because all that arrogant competitiveness wasn't making him happy. Anyway. Rambles. Also, I thought Stoick would be worried about this moment after Thawfest, and it promised cuteness so I had to write it.

Hiccup wanted to say that he'd prepared himself for this.

He wanted to say that he'd expected it, foreseen it, and taken the necessary precautions to brace himself against it. But the truth was, he really hadn't. He supposed now that he'd been foolish to believe his father, that day in the ring. "No pressure," the man had said. Since when had anything between them involved anything but pressure?

And he'd certainly done a good job of hiding his disappointment from his son. He had even smiled at him after all was said and done, after relinquishing the medal to Snotlout, as he'd done for the past fourteen years. True, Hiccup hadn't really seen his father since then. To be honest, he'd been too excited to find out what that new tail could really do, without channeling his energies into beating Snotlout – even if it did make him feel taller. But even though he'd had a blast, flying faster than he ever had with Toothless, something about the new design felt…wrong. He couldn't pinpoint it, but he knew he didn't like it.

In fact, he hated the new tail design, even though it made more sense, even though his turns were smoother and they tapped into Toothless' true, top speed with that tail. Even with all of that, he still preferred the old stuff. The sturdy leather saddle, not the sleek redesigned one that served no purpose, other than to look flashy. He unfolded all the papers stuffed in his notebook, struggling to find a rhyme or reason why he hated the new tail so, but the harder he looked, the clearer it became. He'd redesigned the tail in jealousy, arrogance, competitiveness. And even though besting Snotlout had made him swell with pride, he also winced at himself, looking back on it. He'd just sunk to the other boy's level, acting the way he had. He knew now that he didn't like that part of himself, and vowed to never let it control him again.

Needless to say, he'd been out on Toothless all day, flying firstly with the new tail, discovering the reasons he didn't like it, and fixing the old one back on, just enjoying the day with his buddy. But now that he'd slipped inside the house, ready to go back upstairs and to bed, he noticed his dad sitting up at the table, sipping occasionally from a mug of mead and watching him walk through the door.

Hiccup took a deep breath, reminding himself that the only way out was straight through, and met his father's eye, forcing a smile. "Hey, Dad. I'm just gonna go upstairs and get in bed…"

"Hiccup." The chief cut through his son's babbling easily. "Can I ask you something?"

"Uh…sure?" The answer came out a question as Hiccup rested his boot on the bottommost stair, trying to silently communicate his eagerness to leave.

"What happened out there today…" his father began, and Hiccup's heart sank. Oh, right. Stoick wanted to discuss the Thawfest games. And come to think of it, didn't that just make perfect sense? He'd failed the family name again, and Stoick probably wanted to kill him for it. He'd hidden it so well in the ring, though…

"What happened?" his father repeated, standing from the table and edging a little closer to his son. "I mean, one second you were right on top of him, nearly beating him, and the next, you two completely disappeared, shot off in the wrong direction. What happened?"

Hiccup winced at the accusation in his father's tone. He'd blown it. He'd take his father's anger over becoming someone he hated, of course, but that didn't mean he enjoyed the anger any more. So many 'you've disappointed the whole family' rants ahead, he just knew it. They happened every Thawfest, and Hiccup had foolishly convinced himself that this one would be different, even if he didn't win. So he shrugged, spreading his arms wide. "I don't know, Dad," he replied, as calmly as he could. He'd never been good at lying, but he could when it really counted, like now. He held the man's gaze as he talked. "Something went wrong with Toothless' tail – I couldn't figure it out, and we crashed into the rocks and by the time we'd landed and made sure we were okay, Snotlout had won."

The Night Fury at Hiccup's side gave a little noise in the back of his throat like what? That wasn't what happened!

Hiccup glared at the dragon out of the corner of his eye. If Toothless tried to deny his story, he had a feeling Stoick wouldn't understand, anyway.

"Oh. Okay." Stoick nodded in understanding, and Hiccup kept expecting the man to press or pull or badger, but none of that happened. He just stood there. Nodding. When he noticed the look he was receiving from his son, he added quickly, "Well, I was just worried is all."

"Wait…worried?" Worried was not high on the list of emotions Stoick the Vast tended to feel when it came to his son. Generally, it was more disappointment, embarrassment, that sort of thing. Hiccup felt his brow knitting as he thought of it.

"Well, you and Toothless are the best fliers," his father said awkwardly. "I mean, when you two suddenly shot off in the wrong direction, well, I…I thought something had happened to you." His eyes were…soft. Softer than they should have been. Where was the disappointment? Hiccup had braced himself for it. He was ready for it.

And now his father was worried, instead? It was too strange to be true. Hiccup could only nod at the man, edging slowly up the stairs. But though he never said a word about it, as he pulled the blankets over his legs that night, he wondered if maybe he'd misjudged the man he'd known all his life.