A/N: Hey! So, here's chapter one of a romance novel in email-format that I might expand. Depending on how many reviews / PMs I get asking for a second chapter, I might continue.
Note: As this story is in email format, I had to edit all of the emails to show on FanFic.
Disclaimer: Nah, I don't own Riordan's stuff.
Rating: T (language, strong themes)
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Piper McLean [ piper . mclean { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Last Night
What HAPPENED last night?
I mean, really. One minute, I was just by the chips and guacamole table, hoping to hide from the hordes of size-0 supermodels crowding the area, and then: BOOM! Tables are being upended, and Luke Castellan gets slapped in the face.
Not that I don't applaud you. To the contrary, actually. Castellan deserved a smack in the face. But I mean… at Beauregard's engagement party? You couldn't have waited a few hours? I know that you're one for drama, but… what HAPPENED?
I know something happened. Castellan's been whiny all day. He snapped at Brunner… you should have seen his face. It was priceless. Really. You missed out, girl. Forget about ACTUALLY smacking him in the face (as you seem to be overfond of doing), you should have seen Brunner's smackdown. It all started with the classical crud Castellan was blasting in his cubicle.
He was all like, "Castellan, what on earth are you doing? Did we ask to hear that mopey violin music?"
Castellan: "It's not mopey or violin; it's Yo-Yo Ma. It's art. You would know that were you to actually interest yourself in art outside the Chrysler Building."
Brunner: *choice words that I'd rather not write here; seeing as how this account is technically sponsored by Architect Weekly Magazine* "I don't care if it's art or not. It's annoying. Turn it off and get me the paper on the Grateful Dead house in San Francisco, you moron."
Castellan: "The Grateful Dead don't make art, though."
Brunner: "I beg to differ. Jerry Garcia definitely makes art. Now, go and get back to work before I send you out of here with your tail between your legs. Nobody cares about your wangst or your cruddy art music. They do, however, care about the house of one of the greatest Psychedelic-Improvisation musical groups of the twentieth century. So get writing."
Castellan: *inaudible*
Brunner: "Did you just say something? Because if you did, my response would be to tell you that you are a useless womanizer and you wouldn't have to be so whiny if you did your work instead of occupying the one-person bathroom stalls with two. Got it?"
Castellan: *silent*
Office: *laughs*
Brunner: *yells*
And so, really, you missed a priceless gem.
Anyway, are you planning on coming into work at all? Because it's 10:30, and you're officially an hour and a half late. Just thought I should let you know.
So: WHAT HAPPENED?
As your best friend, I think I have a right to know. Just a thought.
-Pipes ;)
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Chiron Brunner [ chiron . brunner { a t } ARweekly. net ]
Re: Your apparent absence
Where are you, Chase?
The rules in this office are VERY clear: notify the office 12-72 hours before hand if you are going to be missing work. You have failed to do so, and, as a result, you are just three hours tardy. Which, as you well know, the Human Resources Department doesn't like.
If you do not reply to this email within the next hour, I will be forced to:
-tell the Human Resources cronies to mark an unaccounted absence, thus taking away a vacation day
-yell at you when you return; this magazine is not a traveling circus caravan; it's a workplace, the least you can do is show up to work on time
-yell at you once again because the rumor mill says that you physically apprehended Luke Castellan (which, clearly, is not an issue. I cheer you on that point. The issue is more that you are not showing up to work and therefore ruining your brave facade. Pull it together, Chase.)
Please don't force me to do any of these.
Also: I need that article on Kim Kardashian's house by 5:00, or I'll be forced to REALLY yell.
And we all know that's never good.
Chiron Brunner
Editor-in-Chief
Architecture Weekly Magazine
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Silena Beauregard [ silena . beareguard { a t } modele . com ]
Re: Ruining my engagement party
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!
Really: are you stupid? You ruined my engagement party! I mean, for Chrissakes! You upended a table, slapped Luke Castellan, inadvertently injured Leo Valdez from Programming, and ruined half of the caterer's food.
Were you dropped on your head as an infant?
I swear to God, I'm not usually an irrational person, but…
I mean, COME ON, Annabeth. You ruined the engagement party. Beckendorf's father paid, like, more than my actual salary for that party. Do you know how furious he is? He won't pay for any of the wedding! Do you realize this disaster?
ANNABETH, I COME FROM A FARM IN THE MIDDLE OF MINNESOTA. MY FAMILY'S INCOME IS BASED OFF OF CHEESE AND FISH. AND HALF OF IT IS SPENT ON VIKINGS T-SHIRTS.
Not to mention I'm broke. I've already had to deal with a bunch of this wedding planning. I was counting on the Beckendorfs to chip in.
So, really: are you going to pay for my wedding?
Or will I be forced to throw myself across the nearest object a-la-Disney Princess?
Silena :(
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Hazel Levesque [ hazel . levesque { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Are you OK?
Annabeth, you seemed really upset last night. Are you okay? I just… I don't know. I wasn't in the room at the time, but there's a rumor going around that you slapped Lucas in the face.
If you did, that's alright; I'm sure you had your reasons. But…
Are you really OK?
I don't know Lucas personally, but I've heard all sorts of nasty rumors about them. Bad rumors. I just… I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy.
But you're not at work today, and I thought, well, it couldn't hurt to send her a little message, now could it? You're probably just sick, and I'm probably just silly, but, all the same, let me know if you need any help.
I'm always here. After all, that's what Human Resources reps are supposed to do, right?
Love,
Hazel Levesque
Human Resources
Architecture Weekly Magazine
P.S.- I'm trying to protect you, but Drew Tanaka - you know, my boss? Head of HR? - is circling your desk like a blood-hungry shark. You might be getting a write-up.
Just thought you should know.
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Bianca di Angelo [ bianca . di _ angelo { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: …
Um, okay, seriously.
As one girl to another… WHAT HAPPENED?
The rumor mill is, like, exploding.
I'm not sure if I can even handle it anymore. Especially, with, you know. Cancer and all that. That's the other reason I'm emailing you: I just thought you should know that I'm expected to have to move to the cancer wing within the next few weeks due to the fact that my chemo is going to be intensifying.
So I'll probably have to terminate my working here at Architecture Weekly. Which is a shame… So many nice people here (even excluding Castellan). But I will get a severance packet, so, hey! Looking on the bright side!
Ugh. Who am I kidding?
But let's stay on the bright side, yeah? No cancer! I want dirt! You're usually so calm- what made you upend a table on Cuckoo Castellan?
-Bianca
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Leo Valdez [ little . latino { a t } ARweekly . net]
Re: Dental costs
DUDE-
I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. YOU PUT A TABLE IN MY FREAKING FACE. IN MY FACE, CHASE. IGNORE THE FACT THAT LAST SENTENCE RHYMED… SORT OF. ANYWAY, JUST LOOK AT THE FACTS:
YOU PUT A TABLE IN MY FACE. MY DELICATE LATINO COMPLEXION CANNOT HANDLE THESE SORTS OF PROBLEMS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE AFOREMENTIONED INCIDENT CAUSED ME TO HAVE:
A BLACK EYE
A SPRAINED WRIST
TWO AND A HALF TEETH MISSING
THIS IS A VERY UNPLEASANT THING. ALSO, I WILL NEED SOME MONEY TO GET THE DENTAL BILL BECAUSE, LET'S FACE IT, THE GUYS FROM PROGRAMMING MAKE NO MONEY. A TRAVESTY, BUT REALITY. POOR SILENA AND BECKEN-WHATSITS. TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING OUT OF NOTHING.
IT MAKES ME SICK INSIDE.
(AND ALSO KIND OF HAPPY. HEY, I HAVEN'T FOUND A GIRL WHO HASN'T RUN SCREAMING YET, AND BECKENDORF MANAGES TO FIND THE MODEL WHO POSES FOR THE COVER OF ARCHITECTURE WEEKLY? WHAT IS THAT JUSTICE?
IT'S NOT JUSTICE. THAT'S JUST THE PLAIN OLD TRUTH.)
BUT, ANYWAY, I DIGRESS. I'M STILL GOING TO KILL YOU. ALSO, I HAVEN'T QUITE DECIDED WHETHER OR NOT THIS THREAT IS FOR REAL, OR JUST A JOKE.
SO YOU BETTER WATCH OUT. AND ALSO, EITHER GET TRAINED IN KRAV MAGA, OR GET A BODYGUARD. THESE ARE THE ONLY WAYS YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DEFEND AGAINST MY SUPREME LEONESS.
SERIOUSLY, DUDE. TABLE IN LEO'S FACE? WAY UNCOOL.
LEO VALDEZ
PROGRAMMING DIVISION
ARCHITECTURE WEEKLY MAGAZINE
P.S.- I HACKED THE MAGAZINE'S EMAIL AGAIN. I'M NOW LITTLELATINO AT ARWEEKLY . NET . LIKE IT?
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Clarisse Rodriguez [ clarisse . rodriguez { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Don't shoot the messenger,
but Mr. D's on the warpath.
Something about "Promising journalist going off the face of the Earth." So I would prepare a speech when/if you come into work tomorrow. Something along the lines of "I got ebola, and I wouldn't want to infect you, Mr. D, owner of our fair magazine, so I decided to stay at home and wait to get better. You know, after the bleeding-out-of-the-eyeballs phase has passed."
Just a thought. Hey, don't shoot the messenger! (Because you know I'll shoot you back. I've got a crossbow in my pantry. Along with several guns. You never know).
Clarisse Rodriguez
Assistant to Mr. Bacchus E. Dionysus
Architecture Weekly Magazine
P.S.- I heard Valdez has got it out for you. He looks even worse than usual- his face looks like a smashed-up blueberry Pop-Tart. What did you DO last night? And what HAPPENED? And why aren't you in work? I mean, it's 4:30 (pm) !
But, anyway. If you need muscle to pound Valdez, just let me know. I'm trained in several martial arts, including jujitsu, karate, kung fu, tae kwon do, and krav maga. (Though, who has ever heard of krav maga, is what I would like to know.)
So, yeah. Aside from being Mr. D's coffee girl, I am also a muscle for hire.
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Lucas Castellan [ lucas . castellan { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Maturity
Okay, seriously.
What's your deal? I mean, you said that I could tell you ANYTHING. So, what? That excludes what, exactly? What did I say to make you, oh, I don't know, throw a table in my face?
I'd really like to know.
Also: let's handle this maturely, alright, Annabeth? You're acting like a 2 year-old, coming into work lately. I mean, HELLO. Everyone knows you're hung-up over me. They're all talking about it. So, really, I think you have a bit of explaining to do, because I was under the impression was dating a 27 year-old woman and not a 2 year-old toddler.
Just saying.
Lucas Castellan
Senior Journalist
Architecture Weekly Magazine
P.S.- Do you like Yo-Yo Ma?
And also: Do you like the Grateful Dead?
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Piper McLean [ piper . mclean { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: WHERE ARE YOU?
Seriously. Where are you? It's 5 pm, and I'm going home.
YOU HAVE MISSED A DAY OF WORK.
THE GOSSIP MILL HAS RUN RAMPANT. Really. Aside from a bit of drama in Programming - Valdez changed his email again, this time to littlelatino , so there was a little bit of ultimate drama there. You know, the usual: Brunner yelled at Valdez, and changed his email back to .
But honestly.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Pipes :(
To: Piper McLean [ piper . mclean { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Last Night & WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, spaz. In response to your pressing questions:
What HAPPENED last night?
I found out - much to my dismay - that fair Lucas thought that 'being able to talk about anything' constituted for telling me about how many women he has cheated on me with (7), how many times he has almost broken up with me (7), and how many of the dresses I wear I look fat in (7).
You couldn't have waited a few hours?
No. No, I could not. Why? Luke started hitting on a slutty waitress. WHILE I WAS STANDING NEXT TO HIM.
Are you planning on coming into work at all?
Yes, I will be attending today's work. However, not yesterday, due to the fact I had to plan my revenge and eat two gallons of Breyer's mint-chocolate-chip ice cream.
WHERE ARE YOU?
At home. Eating Breyer's. Planning revenge.
Love,
Annabeth
P.S.- Brunner is my new role model if he doesn't explode at me today like Mount St. Helens. Also, Valdez is a piece of work. Though I am glad he distracted the rumor mill from me, and am also sorry I smacked him in the face with a table. Also, you're a size 2, so I'm not sure you have any room to talk about the hordes of size 0 supermodels, seeing as how you WERE one of them.
To: Chiron Brunner [ chiron . brunner { a t } ARweekly . net]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Your apparent absence
Dearest Mr. Brunner,
I apologize to inform you that I will be unable to make it into work as of yesterday, March 3, 2004. This is due to a plethora of facts, which I will now list in an effort to create a pitiful case to which I can attest. Though I know these facts will likely not stop you from unleashing your legendary sharp tongue upon me, I regret to say that I must provide these excuses because, otherwise, I am wholly pathetic.
These facts:
-the male species is incompetent
-the male species is stupid
-the male species is wont of hatred
-the male species is pathetic
-the male species is weak
-the male species is half as evolved as women
-the male species is incredibly dumb
So, you see, I just really couldn't make it it into work as of yesterday.
Apologies,
Annabeth C. Chase
Senior Journalist
Architecture Weekly Magazine
P.S.- Kim Kardashian? Really, Chiron? Nobody cares about her house. At least, not the people who care about her. They just want to know her latest scandal, not the Dorian and Corinthian columns.
Just saying.
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Chiron Brunner [ chiron . brunner { a t } ARweekly . net]
Re: So I guess
this means Castellan cheated on you, then?
Dammit. Get your ass into work and stop skulking around before I completely sic Tanaka from HR on you. And I WILL yell at you. As will Tanaka. And, really, we both know the world has never faced any larger terror.
Suck it up.
Chiron Brunner
Editor-in-Chief
Architecture Weekly Magazine
P.S.- I don't give a shit about what YOU think about Kardashian, write the paper.
To: Bacchus E. Dionysus [ bacchu dionysus { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: My Latest Absence
Mr. Dionysus,
I regret to inform you I was unable to make it to work the past day because I was deathly ill with a case of the bubonic plague. I was so ill, in fact, that I was unable to make it to my computer and get my swollen, buboe-ridden hands to make my keyboard work so that I could email you.
My deepest apologies.
Sincerely,
Annabeth Chase
Senior Journalist
Architecture Weekly Magazine
To: Clarisse Rodriguez [ clarisse . rodriguez { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Muscle for Hire
Hey,
Thanks for the warning. About Valdez & Mr. D.
Though I think I'll pass on the muscle for hire for now.
Thanks anyway.
Annabeth
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Clarisse Rodriguez [ clarisse . rodriguez { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Muscle for Hire
Your loss.
To: Silena Beauregard [ silena . beauregard { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Not ruining your engagement party
Relax.
I didn't ruin your engagement party. I'll talk to Beckendorf, try and work something out. Everyone else thought it was a blast (I can tell because, two days later, everyone is STILL hungover. that's the mark of a good party if I've ever seen one.)
Please don't be so melodramatic. Just because you're a model who posed in a white dressing gown in the middle of an architectural feature doesn't mean that you're a goddess. Okay?
Okay.
Glad we're clear. I'll take care of it; I promise. And TRUST ME, it was justified.
Annabeth Chase
Senior Journalist
Architecture Weekly Magazine
To: Bianca di Angelo [ bianca . di _ angelo { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Cancer and rumors
OMG! NO! THEY CAN'T TAKE YOU AWAY FROM US!
I'm so so sorry you have to go to the cancer ward, Bi. It makes me sick even writing this, so I'll have to keep it short. I just… I'll be sure to visit you three times every week, if not more. And knit you lots of those beanies that you and your brother like.
I'm SO sorry.
And unfortunately, I've got no more gossip to share than the obvious:
Luke Castellan is a bastard.
I'm so sorry. Crying now.
Love,
Get Well,
Annabeth
To: Leo Valdez [ H8SESAMESTREET { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Dental costs
Hey, Leo-
I'll be happy to pay you the cash for the dental costs, on the condition you stop changing your email. I had to go to, like, three different people to get this one. Sound good?
Annabeth
P.S.-Sorry about the table. Weak moment. Would rectify if I could go back in time, but seeing as how this is physically impossible as of circa 2004, I must make do with simple apologies.
To: Hazel Levesque [ hazel . levesque { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Hazel, you're
such a sweetheart. Really.
Thank you for looking out - you're a great HR rep! - but other than my own mistakes, which are now being rectified and revenged upon, there's not much that you can help with.
You're such a darling. Thanks!
Love,
Annabeth Chase
Senior Journalist
Architecture Weekly Magazine
P.S.- check the bulletin board in the Features department for my revenge upon the one and only Luke Castellan.
Though, of course, I was out because I had the bubonic plague.
Clearly.
To: Lucas Castellan [ lucas . castellan { a t } ARweekly . net]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Maturity
Luke,
Check the bulletin board.
Love,
Annabeth
P.S.- No, I don't like Yo-Yo Ma. The only acceptable classical music is Dvorak, Hayden, or Debussy. And yes, I do like the Grateful Dead. Psychedelic music is life. Especially the Beatles'.
POSTED ON THE BULLETIN BOARD IN FEATURES DEPARTMENT OF ARCHITECTURE WEEKLY MAGAZINE
Document Type: Genetic analysis
Determined by: Dr. Roger Bann
Name of patient: Lucas Castellan
Type of test: sexual disease
Date of test: 3/4/04
Results: Lucas Castellan
Diseases: syphilis, genital herpes, gonorrhea
Note (written by Annabeth Chase): LADIES: BEWARE! THIS IS NOT A FALSE DOCUMENT! SHY AWAY FROM THE BLONDE-TERROR!
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Lucas Castellan [ lucas . castellan { a t } ARweekly . net]
Re: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
If you don't think I'm getting my lawyers involved, you're out of your mind, Chase.
To: Lucas Castellan [ lucas . castellan { a t } ARweekly . net]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Hey, pardner
Hey, there. That's a real document. I know this because I was there when you got it, and was there when you complained about having sexual diseases and having me not - well, you know, do it - with you, and using your seven affairs as leverage.
Oh, trust me. I was there.
So, pardner, hang on in there, 'cause I've got the best lawyer in town.
Also:
BITE ME.
Annabeth
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Drew Tanaka [ drew . tanaka { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Inappropriate documents
Miss Chase,
Due to your lack of respect for the office bulletin board, your HR rep, Drew Tanaka, has issued a verbal warning.
It is as follows:
Dear Miss Chase,
Your lack of respect for the office bulletin board is appalling. Here at Architecture Weekly Magazine, we work as a team! We do not attempt to attain 'revenge', as you have told us numerous times when an explanation was demanded. We simply attempt peace and harmony in our workplace.
The bulletin board is not to be used for revenge, or posting of people's private lives, as you have done in the case of Mr. Castellan. Doctoral bills - sexual disease test or not - must be kept private. I assure you, Mr. Castellan's doctoral bill is in his private folder. However, this is not to be shared with the general populace of the magazine.
Should Mr. Castellan decide to sue, you, Annabeth Chase, will be responsible for any costs.
Work towards your winning team, Miss Chase!
Please note any further offenses may result in suspension or termination.
Drew Tanaka
Head of Human Resources
Architecture Weekly Magazine
This document is intended for the recipient of Miss Annabeth Chase only. Any other recipient should immediately delete this document and notify the company toward which it is attributed.
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Piper McLean [ piper . mclean { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Delete this email as soon as you get it,
because though we have been forbidden to discuss Lucas's problems over email, I must say:
Excellent job at revenge.
Though you might now be fired. But I say it's worth it.
Pipes ;)
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Chiron Brunner [ chiron . brunner { a t } ]
Re: Revenge
I can't say whether I'm proud or dismayed.
As your boss: dismayed.
As any human being who knows Castellan: proud.
Chiron Brunner
Editor-in-Chief
Architecture Weekly Magazine
P.S.- Watch out. Bacchus is on the warpath.
To: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Bacchus E. Dionysus [ bacchu dionysus { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Bullshit
Chase, that's the biggest amount of bullshit I've read. About the bubonic plague.
And as for Castellan, I hope you have your lawyer on speed dial.
Come up to my office now and explain to me why I shouldn't fire you from this company immediately. Because I'm kind of wondering that myself as of right now.
Bacchus E. Dionysus
Magazine Manager & Owner
Architecture Weekly Magazine
To: Piper McLean [ piper . mclean { a t } ARweekly . net ]
From: Annabeth Chase [ annabeth . chase { a t } ARweekly . net ]
Re: Uh-oh
Help.
I think I'm in trouble.
It was worth it, right?
Right?
RIGHT?!
Annabeth
A/N: So, if you want more, let me know!