Chapter 4. Glorfindel Wishes he was Dead

'Er, Glorfindel,' said Elrond, tapping him on the shoulder a short while later, 'I have more news.'

It was Glorfindel's turn to jump four feet in the air. (Although never as talented at jumping as Elrond, he had won several awards as a child for his impressive high jump at various Arda Junior Olympic Games.) 'What news?' he said, whirling around.

'There are two more students for you,' said Elrond, coughing nervously. 'Haldir has sent-'

'What?' screamed Glorfindel.

'Let me finish!' said Elrond. 'Haldir has sent Orophin and Rumil to Rivendell so that you can teach them-'

'But they're too old for school!' Glorfindel protested.

'I SAID LET ME FINISH!' shouted Elrond. 'Ahem. He sent them because he says they're immature and need to grow up some.'

'Oh,' said Glorfindel, blinking. 'That is true...'

'So prepare two new seats,' said Elrond, strutting out. 'If any new pupils arrive, I shall contact you immediately.'

Glorfindel's shoulders slumped. His Elven knees gave way, and he sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. 'Why does everything happen to meeeeeeee?' he moaned.

Elrond snickered and quickly left Glorfindel alone with his misery.

oOo

Glorfindel's misery wasn't very good company, so he quickly dispelled it (or expelled it, as he liked to think; he suddenly had a great liking for the word 'Expel'. It might get him out of a few scrapes throughout this school year…) and finished scrubbing the blackboard. It was almost seven o'clock, and he wanted to start on time.

Elladan and Elrohir, although they hated Glorfindel, did not want to get Fs on their report cards. Elrond was a rather strict father, and often limited delectables when his sons did not live up to his high ideals. So when they heard the bell ring they reluctantly but instantly dropped their plunger arrows and ran for Elrond's study.

Glorfindel stood there behind Elrond's desk, banging on a gong as if no one had ears to destroy the hearing out of, anyhow. He scowled sourly when they entered and put it down, to their infinite relief.

'Where is Estel?' he asked.

'I don't know,' said Elladan.

'Where are the Lothlorienites?' he snapped.

'I don't know,' said Elladan.

'Where is that Thranduillion?' he frowned.

'I don't know,' said Elladan.

'Three wrong answers,' said Glorfindel, banging his hand on his desk. 'You, my boy, get an F MINUS.'

Elladan was about to protest, but just then the four others tramped in, distracting the teacher, to his great relief.

'You four are late!' yelled Glorfindel.

'Um,' said Estel, raising his hand.

'NO QUESTIONS,' Glorfindel ordered. 'Everyone into your seats! I'M running this class, and when I run a class, everyone listens to ME! Understood? If there is any misbehavior, be it known that I will not hesitate in the least to use a rod on any of you- that includes you, ya snooty prince.'

None of them liked the sound of this, but they all wisely remained silent.

'I wouldn't have to do this if it weren't for you idiots,' Glorfindel ranted. 'You'd better pay attention or I'll give you all Fs!'

The room was dead quiet, so Glorfindel assumed they were all listening. Probably not the wisest assumption to make.

'Today we are going to learn about polygons and triangles and stuff like that,' he said authoritatively, getting out a piece of chalk. 'Look here. THIS is a triangle. THIS is a quad- Yes, what is it, Rumil?'

'This is way too easy,' said Rumil, flipping his hair. 'I learned this years ago!'

'Then why did Haldir send you back to school?' said Glorfindel bitingly. 'I was told it was because you were immature.'

Rumil jumped to his feet. 'IS THAT WHY HE SENT US? DID YOU HEAR THAT, OROPHIN?' (Of course, Orophin didn't.) 'HE LIED TO US! HE TOLD US IT WAS BECAUSE IT WOULD HELP US GET A JOB-'

'Well, that could be more or less true,' said Glorfindel dryly.

'I thought it would be, like, college, and we'd get, like, a degree,' Rumil grumped, flopping back into his seat. 'I am so gonna kill Haldir when I see him again...'

'Well you won't see him again until we finish class,' said Glorfindel snappishly. He still was mad about the whole situation, and he meant to bear down hard on the them all, them being the cause of his present circumstances. 'As I was saying. Quadrilateral. Pentagon. Hexagon. Octagon. This-'

'You skipped seven-sided!' yelled Estel.

'Just because I let Rumil get away with talking without raising his hand just now does not mean I will always be so soft,' said Glorfindel, who in truth had actually just forgotten to get mad at Rumil for that. 'Raise your hand before you speak. Yes, I see your hand is raised. What do you want now?'

'You skipped seven,' said Estel again.

Glorfindel stomped behind the blackboard, pulled at his hair for a minute, and went back to the desk, calmed slightly.

Slightly.

'Let us continue,' he said coldly.

oOo

The first day of math was not pleasant. Not for anyone involved. Elrond peaked in at about ten o'clock, and what he saw gave him great misgivings about the rest of the school year; but he didn't intervene. He supposed that if he did then he'd end up having to take care of it all the time, and he was probably right.

Glorfindel's hair was probably a lot thinner by the time he was finally giving assignments, for he had been tearing at it all morning.

'Class,' he said, 'here is the question for you to think about. Elladan and Elrohir decided to light the schoolhouse on fire.' Guilty looks were exchanged between those two miscreants. 'The schoolhouse was round, and El-'

'No it wasn't,' objected Estel. 'It was square.'

'I know, Estel,' said Glorfindel, trying to be patient, 'but for the sake of… of… of math, let's say it's round. Now, Elladan lit a 209 degree sector of it on fire. How much was there left for Elrohir to light on fire?'

'Answer C,' yelled Legolas.

'What?' said Glorfindel.

'I dunno, I just yelled out a guess,' said Legolas, shrugging.

'Legolas, C isn't even a number,' said Glorfindel.

There was a silence. Then Elladan began to snicker.

'Stop it,' Legolas pouted. 'It's not my fault I never learned anything.'

'What makes you think that?' asked Glorfindel.

'My tutor always gave me perfect grades,' said Legolas.

'What a terrible tutor,' said Rumil. 'Why did he do that?'

'Because I bribed him,' said Legolas.

'O.o,' said Rumil. 'No wonder your dad sent you back to school.'

'No whispering in class!' yelled Glorfindel. 'Yes, Estel?'

'They weren't exactly whispering,' said Estel.

'No- see, look, look what you've taught Estel now,' said Glorfindel reprimandingly. 'You shouldn't put such ideas in his head.'

'Why, would you let him bribe you?' said Elrohir innocently.

Glorfindel scowled. 'IF YOU DON'T ALL SHUT UP,' he shrieked.

'Is something the matter?' asked Elrond, who had decided it was time to intervene.

'Uh, no,' said Glorfindel, who wasn't very good at lying.

'Oh good,' said Elrond, looking at the row of innocent faces. Well, five of them attempted to look innocent. Orophin didn't. He just looked zoo-y. He hadn't answered a single question all class long. Elrond chose to ignore Orophin, and left, hoping there would be no major mishaps.

Glorfindel wearily wiped off the blackboard. 'Class dismissed,' he said. 'Your assignments are here on the desk. And if you don't have that problem answered by tomorrow, I'm giving everyone F Minus!'

'There isn't even an F Minus,' said Rumil.

'Shut up, you talk too much,' said Glorfindel.

He sighed, and trotted wearily to his room where he would finally get some rest. Teaching school was exhausting.

Author's Note: Well, how do you like it? :3 I know it's been a long time in coming. But I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading, and please review!