Chapter One

Merlin stretched his aching limbs as the sun rose above the lake, for the start of a new day. He had now stopped counting how long he'd been here at the side of the lake. Ever since Arthur's death it was as if his body and mind were in paralysis. He had attempted to leave the lake once in a while, but something always stopped him.

It might be the cold sweat that would suddenly run down his face and into his eyes, making them sting so much he was unable to see where he was going. If not that, there would be the images that haunted his mind, flashing through at breakneck speed. He remembered the ending of his friend's life, as he lay there in Merlin's arms, while the sorcerer screamed for Kilgharrah.

Every now and then he would see others in those nightmares. Morgana, Freya, his friends back in Camelot, his mother and father. When that happened he could do little but force himself to suffer until the images would eventually die away, and he would gradually steal a couple of hours sleep. The next morning he would wake feeling ravenous and yet not being bothered enough to actually look for food. He would sit there his face resting on his knees as he watched the ripples on the lake, beginning to calm him.

On his better days Merlin would attempt to leave and return to Camelot. But just as he was about to gather his courage to try, something would happen and before he knew it the malaise of his mind would take a hold all over again. So he would tell himself, tomorrow I will try again tomorrow, knowing that day would end just the same as this one had.

Whenever he was caught in this somber mood, the lake would often seem a lonely and forbidding place, as if mocking his current frame of mind, and despair would be deep and encompassing. But there were other days when his mind was sunnier his thoughts clearer, that he would gauge an inner sense of tranquility by being there. He would watch the way the current rose in the water, and sit there waiting for the ripples to appear and he'd count them. Then he would feel happy and contented.

On those days he would feel near to Arthur and Freya, he knew there was nowhere else he'd rather be on those days. He would breathe in the fresh air around him, listen to the sounds of nature, and sit connecting to the currents of magic across the lake that would vibe with his own, making feel safe and secure.

He knew deep down he should have returned to Camelot by now. He knew Gaius would be worrying and fretting. He knew he should off by now spoken to Guinevere, it was the least she deserved, but something always got in the way. He closed his eyes as he attempted to block out the negative thoughts that were threatening to overcome him once again. How he longed for the night where he could merge into the scenery and become invisible. But there was a few hours left of daylight yet, and Merlin knew he must fight the familiar feeling of gloom that was threatening to overcome him. It was

then that he saw it, a ripple on the water he watched it fascinated as it began to increase its speed and movement. The ripple had started from the centre of the lake, and suddenly Merlin felt his eyes, drawn there once again.

The ripple became a whirling mass, as if a wind had started to develop. Leaves begun to fall into the lake, and he could feel a force around him. His magic was suddenly connecting, leaving him at once breathless. Yet once he'd overcome the initial shock, a feeling of warmth and calmness descended on him making him close his eyes, his fingers reached out in front of him. He felt as if he was on the air, all was well with the world. A smile played onto his lips. It lasted for a few seconds, even though he could still feel the magic, the force had stopped. He opened his eyes slowly and the scene took his breath away.

He had no idea how long he'd been standing there looking at her, she was so beautiful, and everything that he had remembered about her was still there. Her gorgeous dark hair; her playful eyes that bored into his soul. He stood there as if suspended by time and space.

"Freya." he whispered, tears in his eyes as he saw her move towards him.

"Hello Merlin." she smiled. "What are you waiting for?"

Suddenly Merlin was running into the lake, the water crashed off him as he awkwardly attempted to stay upright and balanced. Just before he reached her she held her hands out he took them. Only in this moment when he touched her did he realize that this was really happening, that it wasn't one of his empty dreams.

"Lovely Freya." he smiled his eyes wild and shiny as he took her in. Suddenly he could feel her arms around his neck and there was no space between them as their lips touched and what started off as a gentle kiss, started to become something more.

For so long he had wanted just one more embrace, and now as if by magic it was actually happening. He swore he'd make the most of every minute, if this was to be the last time, then this would be the moment he would most remember.

Camelot

The meeting with the lords had broken up, and once more Guinevere was alone. She closed her eyes trying to block out the last hour she had spent arguing with one of them over something as unimportant as a cancelled dance. The lords liked their social events as Guinevere was beginning to appreciate, much to her frustration.

There were so many things that she felt were more important. She felt suddenly despondent at where her fighting spirit had disappeared to lately. She left the throne room, suddenly longing for some time in her own quarters after such an annoying meeting.

She sat down at her desk and something caught her eye. It was a pretty shinny bracelet that was caught between a two parchments. She picked it up and looked at it a feeling of emotion not far away; as she remembered the day Arthur had given it to her.

It had been a special day, and suddenly she was cast back in time. She remembered his smile, the sunlight that shone through the window and her delight when she put it around her wrist and admired it. For a couple of minutes she was overcome with the a feeling of intense happiness, then suddenly before she knew it the feeling ended, and she found herself back alone in her quarters and for a while she didn't know what to do.

She continued to hold the bracelet in her hands, turning it over and over watching the way the stones caught the light, as she did so. It made her think back to the day that her present life had begun. It had been almost a year now since Arthur had died. She could still remember the shocking finality of the moment when Percival arrived back with Arthur's ring. In that moment she knew her beloved husband was no more. It had changed her life in more ways that she could ever have imagined.

While it was true that she had already begun to rule Camelot when Arthur would go away on his patrols, at least she knew then that he would return to her when he arrived back. But now she had been forced to confront both the loneliness and the responsibility of her new role as Camelot's lone ruler.

She was determined to do her best, and it went without saying that she had wonderful support from Gaius and the Knights, not to mention the ordinary people of Camelot who had taken their young widowed Queen to their hearts.

But there was also the other side of it as well. It was a side which consisted of petty fights for power which broke out between certain Lords of the Court. It seemed the moment Guinevere's back was turned someone somewhere was trying to take advantage. In one incident Leon had almost ended up thumping a Lord who had rudely complained of how long it took for decisions to be made in Court now.

Guinevere at such times would try not to take it to heart, she would try and rationalize this was just people testing her. But at night when she was alone she would find that suddenly her rational thoughts would go out of the window, as she went through every decision she had made in her mind, over and over again. It would result in her beginning to doubt herself, even though the people around her assured her she had done the correct thing.

She knew had Arthur been there at her side, these incidents would not occur. She sensed that some of the Lords viewed her as weak and indecisive. It was true that sometimes she would take her time. But that was only because she would look at both sides of the problem, and make sure she made the right choice. She knew the moment that she made a major error; her rivals would come out of the shadows and make the most of any misdemeanor.

She was happy with the group she'd surrounded herself with; Gaius was proving to be a loyal and supportive friend giving her invaluable advice, especially on magical matters. The Knights led by Leon were wonderfully supportive prepared to move in whenever it was required. One face though was missing, and it dominated them all.

Whenever Guinevere spoke to Gaius his presence was always there about them. Sometimes she only had to look at the old man's face to know how worried he was. Guinevere too worried about him, especially as she had learnt the whole truth from Gaius about Merlin. She had learnt all about her friend, the warlock; the dragon lord and the sorcerer. There was so much she wanted to ask him, but since a year of Arthur's death, Merlin had not been sighted.

Every now and then Guinevere would send the Knight out to look for him, but they could never find a trace. Guinevere knew deep in her heart that it was because he didn't want to be found. It made her feel as if somehow she'd failed him both before and now. She so wanted to put that right, especially now as magic was being reintroduced into Camelot. She knew reluctantly that she would have to wait until Merlin was ready to face the world again.

But there was one unsaid fear that Guinevere and Gaius had and that was the idea that he may never want to be found. Closing her eyes she blocked out the thought, she would not let that happen, it was the least she owed him.

There was a knock on the door, Guinevere turned to find her new maid Sian walking in with a fresh bowl of fruit.

"This is compliments of Audrey my lady. It is fresh in today." Sian smiled and curtsied.

"Thank you Sian." Guinevere smiled back. "Please thank Audrey for me. Have you settled in Sian?"

"Oh yes my lady everyone is very kind." Sian replied.

"That's good to hear, your father would be very proud of you." Guinevere said thinking of how sad the news had made her that Sian's father Peter had died. He had been a close friend of Tom Guinevere's father.

"Thank you." Sian said. "Is there anything else that you would like my lady?"

"No thank you Sian. I might have a rest for a time, if you can wake me up in a couple of hours please."

"I will of course my lady." Sian curtsied and closed the door behind her.

As Guinevere looked about her she knew there was nothing that desperately needed doing. So she decided to take advantage of the situation. She realized she had taken a momentous decision in allowing magic to be introduced into Camelot again, but some of the meetings had proved wild and contentious, as some of the Lords had objected. But having spoken it through with Gaius, she was determined her way would prevail, and so she had pushed it through.

Eventually people began to reconsider their former views on magic, and she sensed that the tide was slowly turning in her favour. But it had taken a lot of effort on her part, both physically and mentally, she suddenly felt twice her age. She kicked her shoes off and sat down on the bed, but a knock on her door made her hastily stand up.

"Come in." she called slipping her shoes back on.

Gaius shuffled in. Noticing Guinevere still putting her shoes back on he looked awkwardly at her. "I'm sorry; I can come back later if you want."

"No it is always a pleasure to see you Gaius." Guinevere smiled pointed at a chair. "Sit down please."

Gaius sat down carefully, his hand holding both sides of the chair. Guinevere looked at him worriedly. Gaius had definitely aged a lot in the last year. His face was well lined, his hair receding more, but it was his lack of easy movement that really concerned her. He did his best to play it down and make a joke about his predicament.

"My creaky bones are giving me problems today." He smiled.

"Guinevere smiled sympathetically. "Is there something on your mind Gaius?"

"Oh it is just the usual." Gaius sighed. "I was wondering. "

"You were wondering if I could send the Knights out to search for Merlin?" Guinevere finished the sentence for him.

"I sound like a silly old man I suppose." Gaius smiled sadly. "I know he's a grown man and has his own life, but I just want to know he is okay."

Guinevere gently touched his arm. "We would all like to know that Gaius." she smiled. "The Knights are due to go out on patrol in a couple of days in that area. I will ask then to check the place again. You never know he may have left some clues this time."

"Let's hope so, but he can be very stubborn." Gaius admitted.

"He just needs to be ready. I know when I lost Arthur I felt the same; I wanted to hide myself away from people. I just wanted to be alone for a while."

"Arthur would be very proud of the job you've done Guinevere." Gaius remarked. "It is a very brave decision that you took. I never thought I would be lucky enough to see magic freely used in the lower town again."

"I know, but I really feel people are coming round to it now, they can see that there is no reason to fear it." Guinevere admitted.

"Yes indeed. That was always Uther's problem he feared what he felt he could not control. I'm so happy you are different. I saw the Druids the other week; some are even talking of moving to Camelot now that is a big moment."

"I feel it is important that everyone in Camelot should feel at ease here Gaius. For too long the Druids have lived out on the fringes, it is time to open up our communities to them now." Guinevere said.

"They are very pleased with you." Gaius smiled. "That is the sad thing Merlin would thrive here now, everything he has ever wanted is here now in Camelot. Magic is freely being used, everyone has come together. Everything him and Arthur worked towards has now happened. A large part of that is thanks to you."

"Arthur and Merlin did the most important bit. They set the ground work, all I did was to let it happen, and a lot of that credit should go to you too."

"I think you underestimate your own worth there Guinevere." Gaius said a stern look on his face.

Guinevere reached forward taking Gaius's hand.

"We did it together Gaius, and this is how it must continue."

"How did the last meeting go?" Gaius asked.

Guinevere made a face. "The same people dragging their feet. But we have the support of the majority now, and they are determined to push everything through now."

"That's good news then." Gaius said, stifling a yawn. "I suppose I best go and do my potions for tomorrow."

"I meant to ask how Gareth is doing." Guinevere asked.

"Oh he is very keen, very quick brained; he tires me out in truth. A quick learner though. I would guess he will be doing my job by the end of the week."

Guinevere laughed. "I hardly think so Gaius, I'm glad he's been of use to you."

"He certainly has." Gaius smiled. "It stops me from fretting about Merlin all the time, though at times he reminds me of him too."

"I thought that the day I met him." Guinevere remarked. "Anyway take care, don't over tire yourself now you have someone helping you."

"I won't I don't get the chance anyway."

The door closed softly behind Gaius, leaving Guinevere thinking of the older days when she was a servant. How her life had changed, as she lay down she wondered what on earth the next few years would bring.

The Lake of Avalon.

They had sat together on some rocks watching the water, having spent their hours hungrily rediscovering one another. Merlin could barley believe he was back with Freya. It was only the fact that she was sat next to him their finger intertwined that he knew she was actually real.

"What are you thinking?" she smiled at him a tender look on her face.

"I can barely believe you are real." Merlin smiled touching her nose with a finger.

"Even after the hours we've just spent?" she asked a glint in her eye.

Merlin laughed blushing. "I think I may have overdone it."

"It was good to see you come out of yourself Merlin. I've been watching you for a long time now." Freya said.

"What do you mean?" he asked his face clouding over.

"There is a reason as to why I am here Merlin." Freya said taking his hand. "You have mourned enough for all that you have lost. It is time for you to live your life again."

"But I like staying here." Merlin said. "I feel close to you and Arthur."

"Oh Merlin even if you go from here, you will still be close to us. Both Arthur and me are part of you; we'll never be far away. But you have a life still to lead; you must use this time to take advantage of it."

"But I've got to wait for Arthur." Merlin said feeling distressed. "The Big Dragon said."

"Merlin I promise you when the time has come for Arthur to raise you will know. But until then you must live your life. You must go back to Camelot; you will find it a much changed place." Freya smiled mysteriously.

"What do you mean?" Merlin asked puzzled.

"That is for you to find out." Freya smiled.

"I can't go back to Camelot. I failed to save Arthur, thanks to me Guinevere is a widow how can I face her?"

"You will face her because you have too. She is stronger than you think; you need to be with your friends. They miss you."

Before he knew it tears began to run down his face. For over a year he had stayed away from Camelot trying to hide his shame. His failure, he could not of imagined that any of them would of wanted to see him again.

"I failed them Freya it was my destiny to protect Arthur." he said wiping away his tears.

"Merlin you did not fail at all. That is why you must go to Camelot and see for yourself."

Freya now stood up holding both of Merlin's hands; she reached up softly kissing his lips, sending her soft vibes into his.

Suddenly a feeling of serenity overcame Merlin and he smiled softly at her bringing his face into hers, wanting to smell her scent and become one with her again. He could hear a laugh in Freya's throat as she led him over to the side of the lake, and they lay down again together their bodies becoming one.

To be continued