AN: Alright, so this chapter is overdue. Between writer's block and losing a family member and other RL events it wasn't the easiest to pin down and write. Then once I was done I wasn't happy with it. So it's been sitting around taunting me basically. I was finally able to find a happy medium though- there are most likely places that could be improved but it feels right to me right now. I want to thank the residents of the Writing Corner- my discord- for putting up with me over the past month or so.
I hope you all enjoy seeing from Carol's eyes!
Carol knew that she was a lot of things- a beaten wife, a mother who knew what it was like to bury her child, and a hardened survivor in a world ruled by the dead to name a few. But time had taught her to hone the most important bits that were needed to survive- even before the world went and ended like it did. Life with Ed had taught her to be quiet and meek for example, she had been able to take that lesson and turn it into something quite useful when the dead started walking, and she was free of his influence. Being quiet and soft-spoken wasn't necessarily a bad thing these days- it let you observe, gather information and plan all without anyone noticing or even considering that she was up to anything at all. They underestimated her, and having that skill had saved her life more times then she wanted to admit the last time around.
When she woke up after her death and found herself surrounded by those she had seen die, she did just that. She kept her now living child close, and observed the untrained sheep- looking for some sort of sign that sticking around would change things, or if she would be better off leaving with Sophia. Carol wasn't too shy to admit that she hadn't been happy with what she had seen those first few weeks when she assessed the surrounding people. They were so very naïve in the beginning and that would get someone killed- Carol wasn't about to let that someone be Sophia once again though.
Living through this once had given Carol an insight on what they were avoiding dealing with, and the weakness that avoidance bred in the group that she and her daughter were currently with. To be honest she had begun to prepare to leave with Sophia if nothing changed. She'd have to leave without her Pookie Bear- she had noticed a change in him that may indicate he remembered- but he was smart, and he was strong. They would run into each other sooner or later, and by then the people with him might not be a death trap to her little girl. Sophia would get to grow up this time around, even if Carol had to embrace the part of herself that had killed those sick at the prison the last time. She could be cutthroat for Sophia's sake- she would be without a second thought in fact because she had failed her daughter once and that was more then enough.
Carol's plans to leave came to a standstill when Rick arrived though, the fact that he was clinging to Daryl's back raising all sorts of flags for the woman. There was no way in hell that either man was the version of the men who had been in this camp at this point the last time around with that happening, and she knew it. That alone changed the status quo in her mind, and made her decide to wait a little longer before leaving, because she might just be able to stay with them an-pd keep Sophia alive.
While Carol and Rick had butted heads a time or two at various points the last time around, he had grown into a damn good leader over time and when he stumbled Pookie was bound to catch him. There would be no learning curve for Rick this time around- he'd only get better from whatever point he had been at when he had died and that was a godsend to her. Rick would know the dangers of leaving these people soft, and he was someone that they would listen to. The last time around he had slipped into a leadership position without trying, and she was counting on him being able to do the same this time.
Still, habits of staying unnoticed and observing died hard. She felt like she needed more information still so instead of letting them know that she remembered as well when it became clear that there was a group who did, she decided to watch how they would handle having a second chance. Carol wasn't disappointed- Rick had come into camp prepared for change. He had more supplies on him than he had before (not that it was hard to do considering he had nothing but the guns he had to go and retrieve before, but the fact he had scavenged on his way this time was worth noting in her book).
Besides actually having supplies, the first thing on his to do list had been to address the ending of his marriage in a calm and neat manner that neutralized the mad dog that Shane had become. The most important change though, was the fact that he had started training the sheep soon after he got there, and they listened to him. It was obvious that he was a man on a mission- and the end goal was the survival of as many as possible by the time the walkers came. Rick also managed to prove to her that he still valued her even if he thought that she didn't remember as well. He valued her and her daughter enough to protect her and get Sophia into the training that could save her life, even it meant confronting Ed.
Rick had gone above and beyond when he had made sure that Carol would still get the chance to end Ed's unlife- she wasn't foolish enough to think that without that experience a Carol that didn't remember would have taken longer to steel herself against this world. The man had clearly been trying to keep her on track to becoming the woman that he remembered, and that made her grin even now as she remembered it. The fact that ending Ed again was just as therapeutic this time around didn't hurt either. She didn't think it would ever not be to be honest, because he had put her through so much over the years. She still held resentments against him, even having ended him twice now.
Carol understood that she had been weak before- when the world was normal, and Ed had never wasted a chance to grind her down into bits of nothing when she tried to be strong. He had taken pleasure in her having no sense of self-worth, because he was just that kind of bastard. She had accepted that fact a long time ago, and any kind feelings that she may have harbored for him were long dead. Resisting murdering him in his sleep when she had woken up remembering all of this had been hard. But it would have blown her cover, so she had allowed herself to be berated and put down though she had tried harder to make sure that Sophia was left out of it. She wasn't about to let that monster hurt their little girl again after all.
The Doctor that Rick had brought into camp this time around was another positive change that weighed in heavily on Carol's decision to stay. Morgan wasn't the kind of man who was dead weight, and he hadn't wasted time proving himself capable as he both took care of the recovering man and made his rounds checking in on the camp's survivors. Morgan had also made a point to remind people of a fact that hadn't registered in Carol's mind the first time around. Rick was still healing from being shot, and the coma that he had been in before all of this. Too much too soon could harm his recovery. The fact that part of the coma had gone on after the world ended hadn't helped the camp's new leader either, as he had no help that they knew of during that time. Rick probably should be dead given that fact, and no one had batted an eye last time, they had just pushed him to do more- to be more, and he had without a complaint.
Morgan's constant reminders of the fact that Rick needed to take it easier had raised some worry in Carol at first. And she would probably never tell the man, but those worries had her considering if he was actually fit to lead right now. How could it not, when the Doctor was so blunt about everything that could go wrong if Rick didn't listen to him and rest? But by the time they made it to the farm she had pushed that fear away, and decided that while their new leader wasn't at his best he could handle this. Rick had help this time around, but he had made it just fine the last time without it. This would be easier for him, even if the Doctor didn't know it. She would keep an eye out for if he would need any help though.
Rick, Daryl, Carl and now Hershel, Beth and Michonne- since they remembered as well- were her people as much as Sophia was through the sheer fact that they had lived this Apocalypse together before. Carol knew that she wouldn't be able to decide to leave with her little girl- not now that they knew she remembered as well. They had a strong core that remembered here, and she wasn't likely to find that and a group that she trusted anywhere else out there. With work and luck, they could build something lasting this time. She was in it for the long run. Carol had been amused that none of her friends had been too surprised when she revealed herself though, perhaps she was becoming predictable. That being said, she knew that Rick was probably worried how she would respond to what had happened this morning. He knew her to well not to be.
Carol really hadn't ever had a good opinion of Lori Grimes. Not even the first time around, when she was still that meek, beaten woman who was trying to keep her head down and her husband from getting riled enough to hurt her. Back then Lori had been Queen of the Roost, lording over the women, and trying to direct them to do their 'womanly' duties as she sat around, or ran off to fuck Shane. When Rick had come back the first time around, she had managed to keep that illusion of being better than everyone else, as she dropped her former lover and crawled back into her husband's bed. Carol had watched, more so after she had lost her daughter, and she had seen just what that woman's manipulations had done to the group.
This time, with Rick having those divorce papers and making sure that everyone knew that their marriage was over, Lori didn't have a chance at staying Queen. She had fallen, and she had fallen hard. She was still falling if she was trying to kill herself and that baby. But one thing Carol knew was this was far from over. Lori had accepted that she couldn't sleep, whine or berate her way back into the position that she wanted. But those men, they hadn't been shy about wanting to keep her healthy because of that baby. Because of Judy, so she had her perfect in to manipulate them once more.
Carol snorted as she straightened her tent. That woman had no idea what she was doing when it came to threatening the groups baby, not a single member who remembered was going to let her do it. Once word spread of the suicide attempt, even those who didn't know just how precious that little girl would become to them would be on the look out for Lori's next play. That didn't mean the danger was over though, she was going to be a full time job until Judy was born, and then Carol was going to make sure that she was not an issue. Lori Grimes may not know it now, but her days were numbered now that it was clear that she was going to stay a danger to those around her. Carol would make sure of that.
"Stupid bitch." She mumbled under her breath, before standing and looking over to Carl. The preteen had a stormy look on his face, telling the world how unhappy he was and not even Sophia trying to get him to come and play was distracting him. Lori wasn't just hurting herself in all of this because even though that boy had lost his momma once, she was hurting him too. That boy's mother was systematically ruining any of the rose colored memories he had been clinging to after her death the first time around, and showing him the ugly person that she was underneath all the smiles.
"Hey kid, want to help me get people moving on some of the things that were agreed to last night? I know what you heard this morning wasn't pleasant, and it might be a good distraction for you." She asked, coming up to him and smiling softly- offering him on out when it came to acting his age since Sophia wasn't having any luck in getting him to play.
He spared a look to her pouting daughter before shaking his head reluctantly, making her grin a little as she realized that he was going to give into Sophia. Carol knew that he had counted Sophia as a friend the first time around, no matter how short of a time they had known each other, and it looked like he wasn't quite willing to write her off as just a little kid now. There might be hope in getting him to enjoy this second youth after all, if this kept up. She remembered how somber and grown he had become too soon in the last go around, and even if he remembered he deserved a second chance to be a kid. He would do well in letting the adults take the burden of managing their survival, because a wasted childhood wasn't something a person got a chance to remedy normally.
"I think Sophia and Duane want to do something fun, might work ta keep my mind offa things just as well. I'm sorry for being stubborn Sophia, it's just been a weird morning for me already." He murmured, confirming Carol's thoughts. She gave him a wink as her daughter didn't waste a moment in grabbing his hand and dragging him off.
"Come on Carl, Duane told me that his daddy has board games that we can use in the cruiser. It'll be fun, I promise." Sophia's voice rang in the clearing, as Carol watched them go with a satisfied look on her face. Seeing her daughter alive and vibrant was something she had missed so much, but the memories of having lived without her would keep Carol on her toes when it came to making it in this world.
She looked over after a different giggle was heard, and saw a smiling Michonne handing her son to Beth near the camp the people from the quarry had made on their arrival. Michonne looked like she was going to get started working, and that was probably for the best. The other woman had never met Lori before, but she cared for two of the men the woman was hurting with her actions- even if those men wouldn't admit that Lori was getting to them without some prodding. Having the Swords woman around her after the stunt that she had pulled this morning wouldn't be a good idea, considering she was about as protective of the family that they had made the last time around as Carol was.
Carol started heading her way with a quiet snicker, already planning on joining her in on whatever she was doing since she couldn't do much until Rick and Daryl got back from dealing with Lori. Carol hadn't made herself known as a vocal person in camp yet- so she couldn't exactly jump up and start leading. She wouldn't get anywhere because of that skill she valued so much, but she could lend her support and suggest that Rick's people help their hosts just fine. And that would help establish her in the long run, so in her mind it was a solid plan. Michonne of course would represent the hosts in this.
The older woman's lips settled into bit of a smirk as she thought of that. The last time the Greene Family hadn't been to sure about them, so having Hershel remember was another positive in all of this. Rick wouldn't have wanted to leave them behind, so there would have been some complex maneuvering and butting of heads until everything settled and that would have wasted time. Time wasn't something that they could afford to waste- not if they wanted to find a safe place and settle sooner than the last time. With the psycho inside pregnant that was something they needed as soon as possible. Carol remembered what dragging that woman along in her state was like last time- but it would be worse this time around with her embracing the crazy. Running with a suicidal mess would put them in danger, and she knew it. "Fancy meeting you here." Carol greeted Michonne, giving a nod to Beth as she did. Both women smiled at her with a happy light in their eyes, but Beth went a bit further and gave Carol a one armed hug before stepping away. Michonne's smile didn't last long though, as her eyes wandered up to the house.
"Beth here is going ta be watching Andre while I start rounding up bodies to help start the meat smoking process- Otis and Beth's friend are getting started on butchering so the meat will be ready soon. Hershel, Rick and the others are a bit busy with the crazy that you folks brought in though, so they won't be around until that's been dealt with. Would you like her ta keep an eye on yer girl, Carl and their friend as well?" the Swords woman asked- letting those that might be in earshot hear what she had to say without shame. She knew the nosey nature of most of them well enough to know that they were curious. Beth most likely would have been heading over to the children next if Carol hadn't come over, though they didn't need to know that.
Establishing additional friendly connections would start integrating the residents of the farm into their group and if that seemed to happen naturally then it would be better then trying to force the two together and hoping for the best. They hadn't just fallen together the first time after all, but they couldn't exactly repeat the action that had been taken last time, so this would have to do. The short haired woman gave her friend a smile, relieved that it felt natural to fall back into plotting with her like this. Over the years loosing people had hardened Carol, and she knew it, so she always had the concern in the back of her head that she would lose the ability to connect with anyone like this. Humans needed connections, friends and banter to truly be happy.
"It would be nice to have a pair of eyes on them, we don't need ta add them wandering off and finding a walker to our troubles. With Lori finally showing just for off her rocker she's wandered I can understand everyone is a bit busy. I know that Mr. Greene mentioned some chores ta Rick that he wouldn't mind help with, so it might be a good idea on our part to gather some help outta our people, considering that Lori's actions put his family in danger. He's been nice enough ta let us rest here, so we can't have him think that all of us are like Ms. Cuckoo" She replied softly, still acting the part of meek Carol. That was her comfort zone, unless the harder version was needed to survive. Michonne's eyes gained a glint of amusement at her behavior, but she didn't call her on it. Instead, she just nodded and hummed in agreement.
"I think that would be a good idea ta do, and it would be appreciated by the folks here since we only have so many hands. Hershel wants ta start smoking some meats since we know the farm won't hold out much longer and the old goat knows that we need ta be ready for that time. It will give us, and ya'll- if ya put some work inta helping- some meats for the road. Even if we don't end up together." The Swords woman murmured, smoothly creating a reason why helping would be beneficial without looking like the people of the farm expected to be coming with them. Carol resisted a smirk, knowing that the other woman was trying to cover all of her basis. She was good at this after all.
"That sounds mighty friendly of Mr. Greene." She murmured, sounding as happy as she felt. Things were falling into place, and once again she was glad that she hadn't gone with her initial urge to take Sophia and run when she had woken up remembering the future. Michonne laughed a little.
"Hershel is the kinda guy who ends up taking a person under his wing if they make friendly with him- that amuses his wife to no end. Now, who wants to help with the smoking? I'm sure that there will be more ta do later, but that's our focus for right now." She asked, looking around them at those that were close by. Carol resisted another snicker as she realized that they had gathered up a crowd while they were talking. Glenn looked a little squeamish, but he stepped forward without another prompting- Andrea following him.
"You'll have to show me what to do, but I'll help." He volunteered, sounding more sure then he looked. While the younger man could scavenge and defend himself from walkers, it looked like he wasn't looking forward to handling the raw meat. But he was willing to do it, even with his reservations, and that spoke to his character more then anything. Not that either Carol or Michonne needed reassurances about that. He would grow into an amazing man, and live this time around if they had any say in it. Negan wouldn't get the chance to take Lucille to his head like he had before.
"We all start out needing ta be shown new things, so don't be afraid. Like I said Otis is doing the tough part- at most we'll be trimming the meat and watching to make sure nothing goes wrong during the smoking process. Packaging it is another beast, and Annette's going to spearhead that I think." Michonne tried to sooth his nerves. Andrea laughed a little at her statement.
"So it's only a little butchering and then cooking what we're given. We got this Glenn, no need to look like you're taking the animal down yourself." She teased, her eyes sparkling with amusement. Glenn rolled his eyes, but looked a little more at ease with what he had volunteered himself for. Carol beamed at them, feeling a spark of pride in her chest. Andrea was much more settled this time around- her sister was alive, and she wasn't trying to impress a mad dog, That could only mean good things for her future.
"Yeah, yeah. Do we need anyone else, or can we get started? I don't think anyone is going to have me go on a run anytime soon, but who knows. You guys mentioned that Lori pulled something, and while I think we have the stuff to treat whatever happened I'm not going to assume something else might not be needed." The younger man asked, shaking off the gentle teasing with a smile playing on his lips. Andrea snorted at his statement, a hard look crossing her features and erasing the smile.
"I don't think you could find a straight jacket in town Glenn, not without putting yourself in danger, and we don't want that. With her having that kid in her, that's about the only safe means of control we could get for her, considering the crazy meds would probably just harm the baby." She told him dryly. Carol couldn't fight the grin that comment brought across her lips. Imagining Lori trussed up was tempting, but that wouldn't work out very well either. Not without a stable base of operations.
"That would just turn her into a packaged Walker snack Andrea." Dale chided the younger woman, coming up next to the group and voicing the downside that Carol had thought of. The blonde snorted, rolling her eyes in exasperation.
"Right now she's a walking scent trap to those damn things if she cut herself, and you know it Dale. That woman is a menace. If it's not her demanding that we're all doing gender oriented roles while doing nothing herself, it's her being a psycho over the fact that her Ex wised up and dropped her like she planned to do to him. I'm sick of it. We're all trying to survive here- there is no reason in the damned messed up world that we should cater to her every need. She needs to grow the hell up." She replied, anger clear in her voice. The older man sighed, and rubbed a hand over his face.
"I agree. Giving into her will just make things worse, but she's pregnant. We don't know how much of this… instability is hormonal driven and how much of it is just something that was never noticed before the world ended." He tried protesting, almost defending the woman. Andrea rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest defensively- looking offended by his words.
"Don't you dare give me that 'poor hormonal woman' crap. That's just as bad as a man saying 'she must be on her period' every time a woman is anything but happy-go-lucky. I imagine that being pregnant is worse than PMS, but that is the weakest, oldest excuse in the book. The woman is throwing a temper tantrum because she isn't the queen bee of camp anymore. And unless she's hella pregnant, she can't blame those divorce papers on that child. She wanted to drop Grimes, she got her wish and now has buyers regret. Plain and simple." She shot back, grinning a little when the women around her snickered at her comment. Dale just shook his head, running a hand over his face.
"I can see that I won't be able to convince you to go easy on her when you see her again. But I do want you ta remember this. The more someone pushes at a person that's on the edge, the more likely that person is ta jump… or in Lori's case try to hurt herself again. I know she hasn't been the easiest survivor to deal with, but the living are sorely outnumbered by the dead. Let's not go encouraging someone to add to their numbers okay?" He tried again, his voice weary. Andrea caught herself before she said something snide in response, her face clearly showing that she wanted to say something though. Glenn shifted nervously, while Carol bit back a sigh.
Dale had been lost early on in this mess the last time, so she had no idea if he would become strong enough to survive in this new world, but this wouldn't be the first time he would advocate for mercy. She remembered his response to that little bastard that had a hand in hurting other survivors all too well. That kind of softness was going to get someone killed one of these days, so they would have to work on getting him to see that not everyone deserved pity. He needed to see that second chances could come and bit you in the ass if you weren't careful.
"Lori will jump again if it suits her Dale, she doesn't need us to push her to do anything. Andrea's right though, giving into her demands will just encourage her behavior more. It's like rewarding a child for being bad. They never learn what's right that way." She spoke up- her voice a little harder than the meek persona she normally displayed would allow. He gave her a hard look, before giving a short shake of his head and walking towards his camper. Andrea let out a breath of air and cursed under her breath.
"I really am I getting sick and tired of that woman and her games." She muttered, before pasting a smile on her face and looking at Michonne, The African American woman looked thoughtful, before shaking her head and looking at the three volunteers that she had with a half grimace.
"Let's head over to the smoker, so we can get set up. We can't do anything about the crazy right now. But you're right, babying that woman won't do anything more then encourage her to act out again. She'll think that she has some sort of free pass because of the kid. We can only hope that she gets tired of playing the victim, but from what you've said the chances are about as slim as a seeing a snowball in hell." She murmured, something in her voice drawing Carol's attention.
Carol eyed her for a moment, wondering just what was going through the other woman's mind right now. Dale and Lori were new to her after all- they had both been dead by the time Michonne had joined their family. But it looked like the Swords Woman was planning something, and that may or may not be a good thing. Michonne was normally level-headed, and may have some insights on how to deal with tough situations, but she wasn't always the most patient person. Carol was still wondering if she should be worried as she followed after the small group, but she knew she wasn't likely to find anything out before Michonne was ready to talk. She could only hope that the other woman wasn't going to try to do something like give Lori a reason to fear acting out. That would backfire on them all, because a cornered animal always struck out at it's aggressor.