"Doesn't this thing go any faster?" Esposito yelled at Beckett from the backseat.

"Legally? No." Beckett said back, looking at him in the rearview mirror for a stolen second.

"Then throw on the lights," Esposito pounded his fist against the seat in front of him. "This is a fucking emergency."

Beckett flipped the sirens on and sped up as the cars in front of her began to move out of her way. "Calm down, Espo, we'll be there in less than five minutes."

"You don't understand, something's wrong." Esposito clenched his teeth as he stared out the window waiting for the familiarity of Kevin's block to come.

"I know, Javier, he's about to kill himself." Beckett knew that she shouldn't sound so harsh, but Esposito wasn't the only one about to lose a brother and she tended to get snippy in these situations.

Esposito swallowed thickly trying to think of anything else other than his baby taking his life away, "No. He sounded different. I think…" He ran his hand over his face, "Something's wrong." He repeated.

Beckett sighed, "Okay well we're almost there so let's just worry about stopping him."

"He was second guessing himself, we have a chance." Esposito said already about to jump out of the car when he saw his boyfriend's apartment building only a block ahead.

"How do you know he's pushing it off?" Castle asked from the shotgun seat.

Esposito edged closer to the door when Beckett was pulling up to the sidewalk, "I know my partner and he didn't sound right on the phone. He wouldn't do this...he's asking for help. He wants to be stopped." Before Beckett even pulled the key from the ignition, Esposito was throwing himself out of the car.

Beckett and Castle were right on his heels, "God, I hope he's right." Beckett whispered to Castle. He nodded in agreement as he grabbed the door behind Espo before it shut on their faces.

Esposito ran directly to the stairs, knowing that the elevator in Kevin's building was slow as Molasses and had a thing for breaking down between floors. Getting stuck in the elevator was the last thing he needed.

By the time he reached Ryan's floor, Esposito had his spare key in hand ready to stick it in the door, assuming he locked it behind him. He counted down as he passed Ryan's neighbor's doors. He could hear Castle and Beckett running just behind him, but he was focused on getting into Ryan's apartment.

"2-21!" Esposito yelled out his partner's apartment number even though Castle and Beckett were right behind him. He stuck the spare key into the doorknob and had it unlocked in a second. The door slammed open and immediately Esposito began yelling, "Kevin! Where are you?!" He hoped Castle and Beckett didn't hear how his voice was breaking.

Esposito ran towards Ryan's bedroom, but Castle heard it before he did. "Espo! Bathroom!" Esposito tuned his ears to the sound of rushing water in the bathroom. Esposito turned to the small door and pounded heavily against it after he realized it was locked, "Kevin? Answer me, damn it!"

He felt an arm on his shoulder and knew it was Castle. Espo turned around, "Stand back," Right after Castle and Beckett paid heed to the demand, Esposito pulled his leg back and sent it full force into the bathroom door.

The door exploded into small pieces of wood and finally Esposito was able to punch the rest of the door out to get into the bathroom. When his eyes laid on his partner, he almost fell to his knees and cried.

The water was beginning to pool out of the tub and flood the floor, but Ryan had one arm hooked around the edge like he had been trying to pull himself out of the tub. The water was just above his nose, and he was unconscious.

"Call 911!" Esposito barked as he fell to his knees next to his partner. He grabbed Ryan's arms and gritted his teeth at how cold they were. Please don't be dead, he begged when he felt how cold he was. Thankfully, Castle was next to him in a heartbeat and helping to pull out his legs.

Castle hissed when he felt the water, "That's fucking freezing," But the temperature didn't faze him, it only encouraged him to pull his friend out quicker.

Between Castle and Esposito, they were able to Ryan out in a few seconds. They laid him down on the puddled ground and Esposito was immediately checking his pulse. His shaking fingers lined up underneath Ryan's ear and even though at first he felt nothing, soon his fingers picked up the fading pulse.

"He's alive," Esposito announced with a breath of relief before he started compressions.

30 compressions, breath. 30 compressions, breath. 30 compressions, breath.

He continued to try and get Ryan breathing again, while Beckett was on the phone with emergency services. He didn't hear her give her badge number and order a bus to get down here as soon as possible. He was too busy focusing on his partner.

"C'mon, damn it, Kevin. Don't you do this to me." He growled as he conducted the next 30 compressions.

Beckett hung up the phone and stood behind Castle, the two helplessly watching as Esposito struggled to revive their brother. Beckett felt the hot tears trail down her face when she watched Esposito finish the 30 compressions on his limp body before leaning to cover Ryan's mouth with his.

"You said you loved me, baby." Beckett lifted her head from Castle's shoulder when she heard Esposito talking. "I can't live without you, corazon." His confession made Beckett drag a hand up to cover her mouth as she let loose a quiet sob. She knew something was different about her boys, but she didn't know that was why. "Why would you do this if you love me?"

Esposito leaned over to place his lips against Ryan, but this time he wasn't breathing air into his lungs; he was leaving a feather light kiss on the top of his head. "Don't leave me, Kevin. Please."

Beckett couldn't watch it anymore, she turned her head into Castle's shoulder to hopefully muffle her tears. Castle was as surprised as she was when he saw the chaste kiss. He was turning around to look away from their mourning friend when a sudden, violent, cough broke the silence.

Both Beckett and Castle whipped their heads toward their partners and saw Ryan coughing up water. Esposito pushed him to his side so he didn't choke on the water he was spitting up. Esposito was rubbing his back to calm him down and Castle kneeled back down to help pull Ryan up once his coughing subsided.

He didn't wake up, but his breathing was now noticeable; labored and uneven, but present.

"Thank God," Esposito muttered pulling his partner close into his arms, "You're not getting away from me that easily." He was back to placing small kisses on Kevin's cheeks.

Castle watched as Javier held his partner tightly and spoke to him in a hushed tone, "I'm here, baby. I won't leave you alone again." He really never expected Ryan and Esposito to be more than friends. Sure, he could easily see them together, but he never thought they'd tell each other how they felt.

It seemed like forever before the responders finally came rushing into the bathroom, ushering everyone away from Ryan. Castle and Beckett watched as Esposito let go of his partner, but stayed close. The doctors began to check over Ryan and strapped him down to the stretcher.

Beckett pulled Esposito out of the doctors' way. The three stood helplessly to the side as Ryan's limp body was jostled around slightly. Esposito wanted to at least drape his jacket over his underwear clad body, but Ryan was already being rushed from the bathroom when he started to pull it off his arms.

"He'll be okay," Beckett promised as she brought Esposito in for a hug, "The best thing we can do for him is just be here."

Castle bet that by the time that they heard anything about Ryan's condition, Esposito would need a new pair of shoes. For the past hour and a half, the half of the Ryan-and-Espo dream team that wasn't in a hospital bed, was pacing the lobby waiting for news.

"Why don't you sit down for a few minutes, Espo. They'll let us know about his condition the minute they can." Castle patted the empty seat besides him.

"M'good, Castle." Esposito responded, but didn't pause his pacing.

"Castle's right, Espo, worrying yourself over this isn't what he'd want you to do." Beckett tried to convince Esposito to calm himself down as well.

Esposito finally stopped moving to direct his narrowed eyes at his two partners. He threw a hand towards the emergency room doors with a growl, "If he didn't want me to worry then I highly doubt he would have put himself in here."

Castle swallowed thickly, "Like you said. Something was wrong...maybe we misunderstood something." He had forgotten most times that Ryan had put himself in that bed. He couldn't imagine their happy Kevin Ryan to ever want to end his life.

"A misunderstanding better be behind all this because if he really tried to kill himself," Esposito clenched his fists, "when he wakes up, I'm gonna fucking kill him myself."

Neither Beckett nor Castle decided not to respond to that, but thankfully the uncomfortable silence ended before it started when the doors finally opened and a doctor emerged. He stood just outside the doors and after checking his clipboard, announced, "Family of Kevin Ryan."

Esposito pivoted back to face the doors and was over at the doctor's side in three steps. Albeit, Castle and Beckett were slower than Espo, they were right behind him. Beckett was the one that answered, "That's us,"

The doctor nodded and introduced himself, "I am Doctor Elliot, and am overseeing Detective Ryan's case. Is one of you Javier Esposito?" He asked after rechecking Ryan's emergency contacts.

"That's me, I'm his partner." Esposito nodded hastily, not caring about anything other than finding out if his partner was okay or not. "How is he?"

Doctor Elliot made a face that scared Esposito, "To be honest, he cut it very close. Between the water in his lungs and the amount of codeine in his body...he definitely overdosed." Esposito used all his strength to hold back a punch into the wall. "But, we flushed it all from his system in just enough time where he should make a decent recovery."

Castle was grateful for that, even though he knew it would take some time for Ryan to recover from this. "Why do I feel like that's not all?"

Doctor Elliot sighed, "As I said before, he had ingested a large amount of codeine, therefore his body would not have been functioning properly enough for him to hold himself up in the tub. Which is why he was able to just about drown himself."

Esposito flinched at the doctor's blunt wording, "But he was slumped over the edge...he didn't want it."

Doctor Elliot shrugged his shoulders, "And I'm sure in his last seconds he realized that he was making a mistake, but the drug was too powerful and he couldn't keep himself up above water long enough. It was the drowning that cut off oxygen to his brain and checking his charts, it was gone for a worrying amount of time."

"What are you trying to say?" Esposito snarled, though the doctor had nothing to do with the answer.

"I'm afraid to inform you that Detective Ryan is in a coma."

Esposito felt his heart skip a beat and let his body sag against the doorframe, "When are you getting him out of it?" He asked ridiculously. He of course knew that it wasn't up to doctors or even him to decided when his partner woke up; only Kevin had that say.

But, his rational thinking was thrown out the window when his partner called to give his suicide note.

"We have no idea of knowing when or how he'll wake up." He briefly looked at all three of the detectives before continuing hesitantly, "I can't even tell if he'll wake up. Just the overdose alone was bad, but adding the drowning is brutal. It's just too soon to tell."

In a flash, Espo had the doctor up against the wall with a balled fist to his face. With bared teeth, Esposito warned him, "Listen, I don't know who you think you're talking about, but that is my partner. My partner is not going to give up when he knows that I'm here worrying my ass off. He ain't gonna die because the wheels are still on, damn it."

Beckett and Castle moved closer to pull Espo off of him, but the doctor waved them off before addressing Esposito, "Of course, I believe your partner has every intent of fighting through this. But there's always a chance."

Esposito let go of the man's white coat and shook his head, "Not with Kevin. He wouldn't hurt me like this."

When Beckett heard this, she was greeted with a flashback to the crime scene -that word sounded too ugly in her mouth when used in context with Ryan- of Esposito holding Ryan in his arms, calling him corazon and kissing him. Right, they were together and that only made it hurt so much more.

"When can we see him?" Esposito asked when he saw that Doctor Elliot didn't have much left to say.

"I can only permit family members." He answered, already knowing the stink he would get from a certain detective. And sure enough he did.

"Family? Like we aren't family enough?" Esposito snorted, "In case you haven't noticed, no one else is here. If he had family that gave a shit, I'm sure they'd be here. His parents haven't spoken to him in years and his sister is probably exploring Ireland for the 100th time.

"We are his family. And if you don't let us in, then no one will be in there with him and he sure as hell will die because he hates being alone. He'll think everybody just left him to die. So please, if you want to save him, let us in!"

Doctor Elliot sighed in defeat, "You are his emergency contact…follow me, then."

Castle gave Esposito a thumb up for getting them into his room before the three followed the doctor down the hall and through several doors until they reached a large open room, unlike the narrow hallways they walked through.

The moment they stepped through the ICU doors, the hustle and bustle of the hospital was replaced with a dreadful silence save for the drone beep of machines hooked up. The room had a circular set up with a small reception desk in the center and a small desk for the nurses outside the room.

The three felt out of place, walking down the curving line of rooms and families were packed into the rooms sitting silently by their loved ones beds. Strangers nodded to them as they passed, as a way of hello since they'd be seeing a lot of each other for however long their family member was stationed in the ICU.

Doctor Elliot stopped outside a room near the far end of the wall and placed his papers on the desk, "Here is Detective Ryan's room. You three may stay as long as visiting hours allow, but I ask of you to be quiet and considerate to the other families in here."

"Of course, Doctor. Thank you." Beckett said.

Doctor Elliot nodded and leaned over his desk to pull a small bag from his drawer, "These are his; what he was wearing when he was brought in."

Esposito nodded grimly, but remained silent as he took them from the doctor's hand.

Doctor Elliot noticed none made a move to step through the door leading into their friend's room, "I know this is rough...but I know he'd be grateful to have you three by his side. Seeing as he doesn't have much of a family, I think it would help him knowing that some were there for him."

Esposito casted an eye towards the closed door, "He does have a family. Us."

Doctor Elliot smiled sadly, "I have to go make my rounds, but don't hesitate to press the call button for a nurse if something changes." He nodded once more before turning and walking back down to exit the ICU.

The three detectives stared at one another for a few seconds before Esposito cleared his throat and stepped toward the door. He hesitantly reached for the doorknob and pushed it open to a white, sterile room with nothing but machines and a bed. His partner was unconscious underneath the covers, with several wires hooked into his arms trailing to various machines. There was also a small 'bathroom' in the corner of the room, although it was just a toilet and sink with a drape for privacy when in use.

Not that his partner would need that, seeing as IVs took care of his urinating, drinking and eating.

Esposito dropped the bag containing his partner's underwear and fell into the chair by his partner's bed and immediately reached out to grab his hand, "You're an idiot, you fucking bastard." Esposito whispered, watching the slight awkward rise and fall of his chest.

He didn't even hear Castle and Beckett follow him in until he felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder and Castle say, "He'll get better, Espo. This is Ryan we're talking about."

"I shoulda been there with him…" Esposito said with his head in a bowed position, his hands clasped over Ryan's. "If I'd been there, he wouldn't have thought he was alone and knew we were there for him."

Beckett pounded her fist against the bedside table, but kept her voice at a harsh low, "Damn it, Esposito. Stop blaming yourself. He's not in here because of you. You're the reason why he didn't feel like that sooner. You were with him and I know you couldn't have missed the improvement in him."

"But, it wasn't enough." Esposito looked up at Beckett, still holding Ryan's hand in his. "He's here because I wasn't enough."

Beckett pulled another chair up next to her partner, "He's still holding on in there because you're still holding on to him here. Don't give up on him."

Esposito nodded, taking her words to heart. He brought his partner's hand up to his mouth to place a small kiss to Ryan's thumb. "I won't leave you alone, baby," He whispered, "Not again."