Minor spoilers for episode 10 - takes place right after the big fight. They kind of skipped over how Barry was sort of shot, like a lot, with multiple guns... so this is me going back to that point in time. Will be a two-shot most likely - Snowbarry, but Westallen friendship. TRIGGER WARNING: ehm panic attack, kind of, not bad, just don't want to accidently set anyone off. Anyway, hope you enjoy :)

Barry winced again.

"Easy," Caitlin said, "I need you to hold still."

"Trying," Barry said. His voice squeaked a little. He cringed just at that.

Caitlin pulled back another part of the suit. Barry clenched his teeth and screamed. It felt like she was ripping his skin off. She was ripping his skin off.

"Sorry," she said quickly, "Almost there."

There was another pull and black dots swam in front of Barry's eyes. It took all his self-control not to tear his arm back. Since getting his powers he found he was rapidly becoming used to being in pain.

It wasn't one of the side effects he enjoyed.

He was huffing for breath and the pain was a little too much. He closed his eyes and brought his head back and groaned. This was worse than Caitlin popping his shoulder back in.

"Lie back, Barry," Caitlin said. And then there were hands on his shoulders and he was against the back of the bed leaning down before he knew what was happening. And then there was another stabbing streak of pain.

"Aghhh!" he yelled, curling upwards. Caitlin's grip on his arm was hard though.

"Stay still," she said. She tore another piece away.

"Ohhh, how much more?" Barry asked, turning his head away from her and cringing.

"Almost done."

"You've been saying that for the past twenty minutes," Barry said.

"Just a little more."

Barry shot a glimpse over. His stomach churned and he immediately looked back again. His skin was torn up and oozing blood in some places. It looked like he had severe road rash. His right side was worse, where the heat gun had hit him. Cisco might have made the suit with heat resistance in mind, but it had melted under the effects of the gun. Melted right onto his skin.

"Aghhooowwww!" Barry yelled. He jerked his arm away from Caitlin, but she was at his shoulder. Blood trickled down his arm but she wiped it away. Barry was still gritting his teeth together when he felt her fingers on him again. He flinched away.

"Just one more," she said.

"Oh, one more and then you get to start tearing into my other arm?"

"Frostbite should be easier," she said, "the skin I'll cut into on that side will already be dead."

"How comforting," he mumbled.

She tore the last bit off of him. He sucked in a breath and bit back a yell. God, his whole body hurt.

"Alright," she said, "Done. Just have to clean them out."

Barry groaned again. Caitlin came back with water, bandages, a salve, and the dreaded disinfectant.

"No," Barry said, his eyes pleading.

"Yes," Caitlin said, "It'll be done in a minute."

"That stuff hurts," he said.

"Done in a minute," Caitlin said, with finality.

"Caitlin."

"I have to clean it out, Barry."

"But –"

"No," she said, "Not up for discussion."

He frowned, giving her an absolute miserable face. She sighed.

"Give me your hand."

Barry looked at her curiously, but put his hand up. She took it in hers and started rubbing circles on the back of his hand. "Relax," she said, "Look over there."

Barry grimaced, but turned away. He tensed up.

"Alright, ready? I'll count to three. One, two –"

Barry didn't hear the last one he was too busy screaming. Caitlin kept cleaning the wounds. He was a shaking mess afterwards, panting and exhausted.

"Well that was fun," he said.

"Sorry, I know it hurts," she said, "honestly, you've taken the whole painkillers-don't-work-on-me thing pretty well so far."

"Yeah, well, don't count on me sitting still for stitches if that ever comes up."

"Then don't get cut open," she said.

"I'll keep it in mind."

She finished wrapping up his arm and moved to the other side. He was covered in patches of blackened skin, severe frostbite. There wasn't much Caitlin could do for that – just heat up the area, cut away any dead skin, and wait for it to heal. He sat up again as she finished, his feet hanging off the edge of the bed. He had learned a long time ago not to watch what she was doing, so he stared ahead, looked around the room.

"How do you feel, anyway?" Caitlin asked, "I mean, there could be side effects to being blasted like that by two opposite temperatures, with the ways your cells regenerate I mean."

"I feel fine," he said. Well, that was a lie. His whole body ached. His arm hurt. His side hurt. The frostbite patches were numb but the skin around it was on fire. He had a headache and he was slightly nauseas.

"How about you?" he asked, "Are you doing alright?"

She paused for a second. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said, "They didn't hurt me."

"I know," Barry said, "I just meant… you're alright, like OK? Feeling OK?"

"I'm fine, Barry," she said, "glad to be back, but fine."

He broke his rule and looked over at her. "Really?" he asked.

But she met his eyes. "Really," she said, "You know – after the explosion and all – traumatic experiences – they really just don't compare."

"Oh," he said, "Well, if you're ever not, for any reason –"

She smiled at him. "I know," she said, "But right now – I'm more concerned about you. Can you get up?"

Barry pushed off the bed and stood by himself. His vision ran black for a second and the world spun. His knuckles went white on the edge of the bed, but everything cleared and the world stopped shaking in a few seconds.

"Yeah," he said, "Think I just need something to eat."

Caitlin grabbed a calorie bar and handed it to him. He ate it in seconds. That cleared things a little bit more. He was starting to feel better.

That when Cisco came in, not at all happy. "You tore my suit?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "It was tear the suit or tear Barry."

"Which she did anyway," Barry cut in.

Cisco fumed. "That's two suits – two suits you have ruined. What were you even doing? Fire and ice? What, was this a poetic little fight of yours? You couldn't have just gotten them to shoot each other?"

"Believe me I tried," Barry muttered.

Cisco kept going on but Barry stopped listening. He was exhausted.

"I'm going to go home," he said. "Do you need a ride?" he asked Caitlin. Her car was still considered evidence.

Cisco raised his hand, still looking down at something. "Already on it," he said.

Caitlin smiled. "As much as I would love catching on fire while you whisked me back to my apartment, I think I'll just catch a ride with Cisco."

"Your loss," Barry said, heading out the door.

He didn't take off running though, when he was out. He really didn't feel that great. Instead he walked, going along the roads for a while. Eventually he started to get cold and it was late, so he took off. He made it almost all the way home. Then he stopped short.

It was like before, when he didn't know he had to eat as much as he did. He just got dizzy and out of breath, and almost blacked out. He stopped himself though. So maybe he wasn't totally up to par yet. He looked at the street sign where he was. He could walk the rest of the way.

But the longer he walked, the more he started feeling like he was going to throw up. The injuries under his clothes hurt, and he was dead tired, and on top of that, the adrenaline was leaking out of his systems, and the whole day's events came crashing back.

He couldn't get the image of her car out of his head, the ice, the yellow tape, her face on that TV screen. The cops and the guns and not knowing if Cisco and Joe would find her or not, if he would even be able to beat these guys. It all played in his head. But most of all there was the absolute blind panic when he first walked into that scene, first saw her car, first realized what had happened, the dawning realization that surfaced in a cloud of dread, and then the flood, the terror and denial, no this didn't happen, couldn't happen. He let out a long, shaky breath. Guilt. His fault, his connection, he should have been there.

It was illogical and he knew it but it kept playing over in his head. He shouldn't have ignored them. He should have listened to Joe. He should have been there, should have been ready.

His hands were starting to shake and his head was throbbing. When he came up to the corner block he took a right instead of a left. Joe's house was closer than his apartment. He was getting cold all over.

He reached up and rang the doorbell, waited and then it opened. Iris was standing there.

"Oh, Iris, hi," Barry said. He was expecting her to be with Eddie right now, wasn't expecting her to be home.

"Barry," Iris said. That was it. Barry's stomach turned again.

"I uh, I was just looking for Joe."

"He's in bed," she said. Her brow creased. "What are you doing out so late?"

He looked at his watch. He hadn't even realized the time.

"Oh, I – it's, never mind – I'll just – I'll talk to him in the morning, I'll just go."

He turned to leave but Iris grabbed his arm. He winced as she touched a sore spot.

"Wait, Barry, are you alright?""

Barry turned around and she let go of his arm. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said. But Iris looked down and Barry tried to hide the shaking but his hands weren't cooperating.

"Come inside," she said, giving him a strange look.

"No, it's fine, I better go," he said.

"Barry," she said, "your face is as white as a sheet, what's wrong?" Whatever awkwardness there was between them it had slipped off her face in a moment.

"Nothing," he said too quickly, "I just –"

"Come inside," she said, and then she was pulling him, and then he was on the couch, and his damn hands wouldn't stop shaking, and he felt like he was going to pass out again, his head spinning, the world doing that tilting thing again which he really could live without.

"Why are you out so late?" she said.

Barry's mind blanked. "I was with Caitlin."

And Iris's face softened, her eyes slanted in that knowing way that she always got. She leaned down, her elbows on her knees.

"Right, they found her, didn't they?"

"Yeah."

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she's – she's doing great, actually."

"But you're not."

"I um… I feel a little sick."

"Maybe you should lie down."

"No," Barry said, "I'm fine. Just – a cold or something."

"You know she's alright now, right."

"Yeah," Barry said, "Of course."

"She's OK, Barry."

"I know," he said.

"Yeah, but your arms are still shaking and your face has gone from white to slightly gray."

Barry wiped his hands over his face, the line of thought Iris was following just now occurring to him.

"Iris, I'm fine. I know she's OK. I just saw her, this isn't – this isn't –"

"Stress?" she asked, "Shock?"

"I'm fine," he said.

She raised one eyebrow. "Yeah, OK. You want me to wake up my dad? You want to talk to him?"

"Iris –"

"Then talk to me."

"I'm just getting sick –"

"Bullshit."

"Iris –"

"You show up here at two in the morning looking like you've just had a heart attack and you want me to think you have a cold?"

"Yes?"

Iris shot him a look. He glanced down, stared at the rug for a little while.

"Alright, I'm not OK," he said quietly.

She moved over beside him. "One of your friends was kidnapped. She's OK now though."

And only then did the shaking really start, did the full truth of what had happened actually crash into him. She was taken. She almost died. He couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Feels like I'm eleven again," he mumbled.

Iris's hand was on his back. "You're not. And she's OK. And the guys who took her are going to be locked up forever."

Locked up forever. It didn't strike as a comforting thought. It should have. It didn't.

The car was flashing in front of his eyes. The ice. Yellow tape. Police cars. The video in the station, her face, terrified. Nothing he could do. Helpless. He should have been there, should have listened, should have done something when he had the chance.

"Barry," she said.

"I couldn't do anything."

"This wasn't your fault Barry."

And he wondered how she could know to say that when she didn't know about the Flash, about who he was. Maybe she just knew him well enough to know he blamed himself for everything.

"I was scared," he said.

"It's OK."

"God, Iris – I just –" he choked off. It was overwhelming him, the fear and the exhaustion and the pain, and it was all crashing into him and he couldn't be there – he couldn't be there.

He stood up abruptly. "I have to go," he said.

"What?" Iris said, "Where? Barry, just sit back down for a second."

"No – I have to – I'll be back, Iris just – thanks, OK?" He started opening the door.

"Barry!"

But when Iris got there he was gone.

Next chapter Snowbarry :) Let me know what you think and review please - comments, suggestions - i really appreciate it. More soon :)