[EXT: Barry's house]
[INT: Barry is taking Steve into his room]

Steve: Thanks for letting me stay over at your house, Beri
Barry: No problem. Glad I could help.
Steve: I would've stayed with Snot but his mom said that a pair of glasses on a guy that's not Jewish really freaks her out.
Barry: They are kind of disconcerting. What about Toshi?
Steve: His grandmother was there and she said that I couldn't stay…or she said I could; I don't really understand Japanese.
Barry: I thought that Toshi was Mexican. I kinda called him an unpatriotic bastard for not celebrating synco-de-mayo.
Steve: My dad says that racism is okay when it leads to a hilarious situation.
Barry: Anyway, you can stay in my parents' closet for the mean time.
Steve: Your parents' closet?
Barry: Yeah, but sometimes my mom brings home men that she wants to help so she makes them stay in there. But don't tell my dad cuz she doesn't want him to worry.
Steve: …I 'm just gonna go (He walks away)
Barry: Wait! Sharing it isn't so bad! I mean, yeah the guy in the closet is usually naked but you could get naked to make him comfortable!

(Steve is walking along the sidewalks of his neighborhood)
Steve: Crap, I've got nowhere to go…wait, I know! I'll go to grandma and grandpa's!...but wait they could be having sex or doing something else weird when I get there…which would be very awkward…nah, I won't go there. Man, I'm gonna try to make it as a runaway and I'm not even a hot Texan girl who can resort to porn.
(Just then Hayley drives by and parks, coming out and facing Steve)
Steve: What? Hayley!
Hayley: (Angrily) Are you trying to ditch me Steve?
Steve: What? No, I was going to just…just run away from you and never come back but I would never ditch you, no matter what.
Hayley: Do you know what women do to guys who leave their love unrequited?
Steve: No...?
Hayley: They crush their souls, giving them no reason to live, making them crave death.
Steve: Wait, we're gonna get married?
Hayley: Actually I meant torturing you slowly but you're right, marriage is so much worse.
Steve: You'll never take me alive!...But please, try to (Hayley brings out a tranquilizer gun and then shoots Steve before he can runaway)
Hayley: Good thing steve is pathologically afraid of needles, I couldn't afford any tranquilizer. Guess shooting the empties at him worked though…who am I explaining this to?

(Stan and Roger are cruising through the neighborhood slowly, looking out for Steve)
Stan: Steve! Steve! Steve!
Roger: Ok, just to be sure, are we trying to pick up random male hooker whose name is Steve or are we still looking for ginger haired nerd Steve? Cuz to be honest, I can't help you with the second one
Stan: Dammit! He could be anywhere.
Roger: Way to narrow it down Cagney!
Stan: What? "Cagney"? There is no way that I'm letting you be 'Lacey'!
Roger: Sorry, I'm Cagney; you're Lacey, I called it.
Stan: No! I wanted to be Lacey!
Roger: Are you seriously gonna deprive a dying alien of a chance to be a plain looking detective?...see, now you have to let me cuz I played the 'dying' card. Damn thing works like magic. (Stan is about to retort when he sees Hayley putting Steve in the trunk of a car)
Stan: Oh my God look it's him!
Roger: Ewww, that's pretty gross. I mean, that's the hooker you wanna pick up? He looks like your son Steve.
Stan: Crap she's abducting him!
(Hayley recognizes them and gets into her car with Stan following in hot pursuit)
Stan: Oh God she hotwired a car? I knew we shouldn't have sent her to hotwire camp when she was little.
(Hayley's speed makes her run over somebody—who turns out to be Hugh Jackman. While he's still relieved over the fact that he survived, Stan and Roger come and run him over—and after a while, reverse back over it)
Stan: I mean he's just way too awesome to not be a douchebag.
Roger: I know, right?
(After chasing Hayley a good distance she finally stops close to a cliff, gets out of the car and takes an awake Steve out of the trunk. Stan and Roger stop too, get out of their car and run closer to Hayley who has gotten near to the edge)
Hayley: Don't come any closer! Or I swear, I'll throw him off! If I can't have him no one can!
Stan: C'mon Hayley, don't do this!
Roger: …I swear to God, I had no idea that Langley had such a dramatic looking cliff.
Steve: I can't believe you put me in the trunk Hayley. I'll never look at Eminem's video of "Stan" the same way again!
Stan: The name of that song is "Stan"? I always that thought its name was "Me".
Hayley: Okay, I gotta ask: why the hell is Roger wearing a pharaoh's headdress.
Stan: Oh he wants to die and go to paradise which as Christian I ironically think is stupid.
Steve: So it is true! My life is like the Oedipus Rex! I'm marrying my mother figure and my father figure is dying!
Hayley: You see me as your mother figure? That is creepy.
Steve: Said the girl in love with her brother.
Hayley: Touché
Stan: (Brings out a gun) Hayley don't make me use this You're kidnapping a minor against his will. That's a felony! And you're going to solicit sex from him…which is gross. And also a felony!...but mostly gross.
Hayley: You wouldn't shoot your own daughter would you?
Stan: …No.
Roger: Ugh, how cliché!
Stan: (Whiney) C'mon, you didn't let me finish with what I was going to do! It was gonna be cool!
Roger: Fine, fine. (To himself) This is why you're Cagney.
(Stan shoots the gun, but it turns out to be a tranquilizer gun, which makes Hayley fall to the ground unconscious. Stan and Roger rush over to them and Steve checks to see if she's okay.)
Stan: Don't worry; she's just tranq-ed. It's a gun that the CIA invented that looks exactly like a normal pistol and the tranquilizer can knock out a person in seconds.
Roger: ..What?
Stan: Yeah, I'm sorry. I thought that I could do that "explaining/exposition" thing and it would be normal but it still sounded weird and forced
Steve: Totally. Thanks for saving me though Dad. The cliff seems really high.
Stan: Yeah I heard this rumor a long time ago about there being dead cartoon characters at the bottom.

[EXT: The CIA headquarters in Langley]
[INT: Stan is in director Bullock's office]
Stan: So you're saying that the effects won't fade away
Bullock: Initially, the boys in the lab wanted to make it so that it would, but changed their minds cuz they didn't want it to fit as a probable plot device.
Stan: So there's nothing that we can do?
Bullock: I'm afraid not, Smith.
Stan: Wait, sir…I may just have an idea!
(Stan and Steve are in the room where they wipe memories and Hayley is lying down while the scientist in charge is going on with the process)
Scientist: So, I guess your son got with this girl as well. You must be very proud.
Stan: She's his SISTER!...but yeah, I'm a little proud.
Steve: How much memory are you erasing?
Stan: She'll wake up and it'll be the day before you two started fighting. Your old man's pretty clever huh?
Steve: What about Roger? He still wants to off himself?
Stan: Nah, he got distracted.

(Klouse and Roger are behind a wooden stand that leads to a curtain with a dead Hugh Jackman, and the sign on the stand says "Kiss a dead Hugh Jackman. $50" and there is queue of women and men waiting their turn)
Roger: Come one, come all! Come lock lips with one of America's favorite actors before his dead body starts to rot! Grope while you kiss for only ten extra bucks!
Klouse: So, I guess you're not doing the pharaohs mummification thing anymore, hmm?
Roger: …what the hell…are you talking about?
Customer: (Brings out three bills and leans closer) Here's three hundred dollars. Is that enough for some alone time with Hugh in a backroom?
Roger: What? NO! As it is, this in itself is obliviously disgusting! He's dead you freak!
Klouse: Security! (Francine then comes over wearing a uniform and glasses)
Francine: Come with me sir, let me confront you inside where my tools are (She leads the scared man away)

END