First Day Back

There was nothing I hated more than the first night back at Hogwarts. Feeling nauseous from the train ride – damn motion sickness – always put me in a foul mood.

Dozens of conversations go on around me, everyone catching up with their friends after summer holidays and swapping stories. The near-deafening roar was irritating, adding to my bad mood.

I sit by myself, as I have done for the last couple years, staring down at my plate. Most of it was untouched; only the leafy green lettuce of my salad had been tentatively picked at. Just the thought of eating it had me turning green.

Pushing my plate away in disgust, I scan the hall through the strands of auburn hair falling across my face. Students everywhere are talking to their neighbours, or yelling down the table at someone. The more rambunctious ones, of course, had the flaming red hair marking them as Weasley, or occasionally the jet-black hair of the Potters. Honestly, you would think they were raised by wolves.

It's sometimes so embarrassing to know that I was related to them. Yeah, that's right; I'm a freckled, redheaded Weasley. Rose Weasley, actually. Not quite as loud-mouthed as my brother and cousins, but still definitely related.

I didn't realise who in particular I was looking for until I spotted Albus sitting with his girlfriend, Alexandria, over at the Slytherin table. Yeah I know, we were all shocked when he was sorted. When it had finally come to my turn I had been so afraid I was destined for the same fate.

The object of my attentions was sitting on the other side of Albus. The top couple buttons of his white school shirt were undone and his green and silver tie was loosened and crooked. The shirt strained in certain places across his broad shoulders, chest and arms, leaving no doubt as to the muscular glory sure to be underneath. The slightly full mouth was void of a smirk for the moment but there was no question it wouldn't be long before it returned. A slight shadow covered the lower half of his face, indicating slight stubble that was too pale to really see. It, like the shoulder-length hair on his head, was platinum blonde, making him stand out quite a bit in a crowd of mostly dark haired students. His arrogant personality and ego helped him stand out the rest of the time. Finally bringing myself to look at his gorgeous grey eyes, I feel a jolt of surprise as I lock gazes with him.

As if to just prove that I am my father's daughter, my face immediately goes flaming red. I look back down at my plate, not quite missing the smirk he flashed my way.

It hasn't even been one day back and I've already made a fool of myself. Why did I have to look at him? It only encouraged more embarrassment on my behalf. Sighing, I get up, grabbing my bag and slip out of the Great Hall. I doubt anyone would have noticed.

They're all always much too absorbed in their own lives for that. Maybe Al would have noticed, but these days it wasn't exactly abnormal for me to ditch dinner early. He was my oldest friend, the only one who had actually stuck by me over the years. Sure, he had a girlfriend now, and we had become less close lately, but he was still there for me when I needed him. If it hadn't been for the fact that he was in Slytherin, we might have been even closer. When your best friend/cousin is disliked by your own house, it kind of puts a damper on things. Not to mention the fact that his best friend is none other than Scorpius Malfoy.

Scorpius fucking Malfoy. The hottest guy in our year, and the most inclined toward debauchery, if his past relationships were any indication.

I stopped that train of thought in its tracks before it crashed into the brick wall surrounding my memories and promptly exploded.

I deliberated for a minute at the foot of the stairs, unsure where I really wanted to go. Making up my mind, I climbed up to the second floor landing and disappeared behind a portrait. I went down a corridor then turned left at the end, then right at the end of the next one. I found myself in a wide, empty corridor flooded with the moonlight streaming in through the large windows at the end. It was such a serene atmosphere, I could practically feel my worries bleeding away. Dropping my bag at the foot of the wall of glass, I dug out my drawing book and favourite pencil.

I settled myself cross-legged on the stone floor, a blank page open in front of me.

The drawing started out rough, not really amounting to much, but as the minutes passed a face began to form. My eyes weren't really focused, my hand moving across the page to add details, shadowing. A shade darker here, a highlight added there. Any mistakes I made, I used my wand to erase. After an hour it was finally finished and I kind of just sat there for a minute looking at it.

Why did I have to do this to myself? Seriously. How pathetic could I possibly get? I ripped the page out of the book, screwing it up in my hand as I stood. I shoved my stuff back in my bag and slung it over my shoulder, mentally abusing myself. May as well head back to my common room. Everyone else was probably still at dinner so hopefully no one would notice me coming in. Passing a smouldering torch, I dropped the crumbled paper in it and didn't look back as I made my way to the Gryffindor common room.

Other students were still making their way to the common room from dinner and I was thankful, having remembered that I hadn't stuck around to find out the password. The Fat Lady was singing some horrid ballad and refused to stop when told the password. Other portraits adjacent to her were holding their hands over their ears. After the password was said for the third time she finally stopped that God awful sound to let us in, grumbling something about no one appreciating her talents.

The common room was still relatively empty. Most people had probably already gone to bed or weren't back from dinner yet. I went up the spiral stairs to the sixth year girls' dorm. What a brilliant start to the year. My old friends were still pretending that I don't exist, which was evident on the train ride when I was stuck sitting in a compartment with some third years. All holidays I had been forcing cheerfulness for my parents and family, but now that I'm confined to the walls of Hogwarts once again…

"Ugh." I muttered, opening the door to my shared room.

"Oh. Hey, Rose." Holly McLaggen looked up from her unpacking to smile nervously at me. We had never been very close or anything, but at least she was nice enough to acknowledge my existence.

I returned her smile. "Hey, Holly. How was your holidays?" That was a fairly safe topic, right? I was so out of practice with the whole socialising thing, I had no idea anymore. I tried to read the names on the trunks at the end of each bed, trying to find mine.

"Yeah, it was good. Got a job part-time at the Ministry, just to kill some time," she said, and we both laughed. "How about yours?" she asked, just as I found my trunk. I guess this is my bed then, I thought, checking the name on the trunk at the foot of the bed closest to the bathroom. There it was, in bold letters, R. J. WEASLEY.

I thought over my holidays quickly. "It was pretty boring. My parents just about drove me crazy, though." As I was just about to straighten up, a little white fur ball launched itself at me from under the bed. I giggled as I clutched my kitten to my chest. Big gray eyes stared up at me, as if she was reprimanding me for being out so long. I had named my little fluff ball Aphrodite because she managed to make everyone who met her fall in love with her immediately. Definitely one of the better birthday presents my parents have given me.

Holly gazed longingly at my kitten. "I wish my parents would let me have a cat, but Dad's allergic to them."

"She is pretty cute," I said.

Setting Aphrodite down on my bed, I dug out some comfortable clothes; a loose gray sweater, pink and gray patterned tights and my favourite Muggle clothing item, ugg boots. It wasn't quite cold weather yet but the halls still got pretty chilly.

Giving Aphrodite a last pat, and a quiet goodbye to Holly, I slipped back downstairs and out the portrait door. I had a place in mind that I wanted to go, but I had to be careful that Filch and his stupid cat didn't catch me out of my common room. Rules may not be so tight anymore, but that didn't mean much to the old wart.

The corridors were pretty much black but I didn't want to risk lighting my wand, so I had to feel my way through the near dark. That was okay though. After so many years of being a slight insomniac, I was able to find my way fairly easily. I bypassed the Astronomy Tower (no doubt there would be a couple up there doing who-knows-what) and headed towards the entrance to one of the smaller towers. This led to a tiny room with a spiral staircase leading to the top. In the shadows, there was also a spiral staircase going down, and that was the one I followed. I'm unsure how long it took me but I eventually halted in front of a door. Smiling to myself I pushed it open and was rewarded by a blast of cold wind.

I was standing on a balcony on the east side of the castle, overlooking part of the Forbidden Forest. I walked along it, reaching yet another door. This one led instead to a cozy little room and I smiled, enjoying the scent the room seemed to always have. Like a mixture of cinnamon and vanilla. I loved it. The fireplace in the corner emitted warmth enough to engulf the whole room, but I settled onto the love seat in front of it anyway. I lay on my back, looking up at the ornately carved ceiling. Not many people noticed, but the ceilings of Hogwarts displayed some of the finest art in the world.

There were a few oak bookcases by the window that held dusty old books and manuscripts and a few odd looking ornaments. I wasn't all that keen on touching those, when I had been told stories about cursed jewellery cases and statuettes, but I did inspect the books and found they were very interesting. I doubted these had ever been in the school library; they seemed more like someone's personal reading materials. Whomever it was who put them here had obviously long left Hogwarts, judging by the mildew I had found on their leather spines. A desk sat to the left of the bookcases, underneath another window. A lamp sat on it, positioned just so, allowing for easy reading.

It was so comfortable and warm where I was, and I was in no hurry whatsoever to leave. I must have fallen asleep because next thing I know I've rolled off the loveseat and landed in a rather undignified way on my arse.

Pulling myself to my feet, I notice the fire had almost completely gone out, with only glowing golden embers left. I pulled back my sleeve and tried to read my watch in the dark. I ended up having to light my wand so I could read it. It was well past four in the morning, about time I made my way back. The light glinted off the small diamonds that lined the rim of the watch and accented each number. It had been a gift for my fifteenth birthday, from an old friend.

The walk back to my dorm was slow; I mostly dawdled, looking out each window I passed. I thought I heard something rustling behind me, so I slowed, subconsciously cocking my head to the side. The darkness must be getting to me and making me hear things. I shook my head and continued to the common room.

"Oof!" I walked straight into something solid that was blocking my path. What the hell? I don't remember a wall being here. I squinted up at whatever it was, just faintly making out the outline of something – or more accurately, someone – standing in front of me. Oh fuck, what if it's a teacher?

I was just beginning to freak out completely when I heard a deep chuckle and an awfully familiar voice come from a foot above my head. "Knowing you, you're probably freaking out right now thinking I'm a teacher."

My worry immediately dissolved into anger. "Lumos." I muttered furiously, illuminating the smirking face of Scorpius Malfoy.

I glared up at him, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Hey, tone down the animosity! You're the one who walked into me, remember?" he crossed his arms defiantly over his chest, only managing to make him look like a cranky child. I force myself to stifle the giggle bubbling up in my throat, biting my lip to distract myself. Even with the childish mannerisms, he was still God damn good looking.

"Well, why are you prowling the halls at this time, anyway?" I demand, pushing past him and continuing down the hall.

Of course, with his damn long legs he kept up easily, only managing to aggravate me further.

"Just going for a walk," he replied calmly.

"On the seventh floor?" I ask dubiously. "I would have thought a stroll in the Forbidden Forest would be more your style."

"Well you would know best," he replied. I look up at him sharply. Oh we are so not going to discuss this.

"Clearly I don't really know you as well as I thought I did," I snap. "I don't know what your problem is, but I have no interest in talking to you. Not now, not ever. Not after last year. So if you would please excuse me!" Ashamedly, I'm fair sure I basically ran the rest of the way to the tower, only stopping to growl the password at the Fat Lady.

Slipping into my dorm, I collapse onto my bed and stare up at the canopy.

Finally deciding against sleep around dawn, I drag myself out of bed and brace myself against the early morning chill. I had always found it ridiculous that they thought we should be restricted to a single trunk, so as soon as I had been old enough to learn the charm, I packed multiple trunks and shrunk them. I would then place them in the main one, mightily proud of myself. Seriously, who was expected to fit everything needed for a whole year into one standard-sized trunk without forgetting something important?

I open my trunk, pulling out a few smaller ones as well as my leather school bag. I really needed to unpack, but that wasn't going to happen at six o'clock in the morning.

Most of the school was still sleeping by the time I was dressed, so I was down in the Great Hall before any of my dorm mates were even stirring. It was becoming a warm morning under the sun (technically the enchanted ceiling) so I had thrown my robes over the seat beside me, exposing the white school shirt and gray plaid skirt I usually wore underneath. The gorgeous black leather heels I wore tapped against the floor under the table in time to the beat I had stuck in my head. I already really missed music.

I was leaning on the table, my long red hair slung over my shoulder, flipping through my Charms textbook. I had already read it before school started of course, but with classes starting today I wanted to make sure I was prepared. I was top in all my classes last year, sometimes tying with Scorpius, but still the best out of all my cousins. That's all that really mattered; I needed to outshine them in something. James already took Quidditch captain and Victorie and Dominique were the fashion queens of Hogwarts before they graduated, and I swear every other Weasley/Potter is in some club or other. Not to mention all the stuff our parents accomplished when they were at school.

Too bad my obsession with succeeding had cost me any friends I had managed to procure. My family still talked to me and included me in everything at home, but aside from that they basically just got on with their own lives.

And Scorpius … well that was a bridge that had gone up in flames long ago.

So involved in my thoughts as I was, I didn't notice someone was standing next to me until they cleared their throat. My head whipped up so fast I probably strained a muscle in my neck. I stared with wide eyes at my lanky cousin.

"Al?" I asked, confused, "What are you doing here?" I looked around for his girlfriend, Alexandria, but only saw a couple of Hufflepuffs stumbling toward their table and a perky Ravenclaw eating by herself at the Slytherin table.

Al ran a hand through his already messy hair and looked a bit sheepish. "I was just, uh, wondering if I could maybe sit with you?"

I kind of just sat there blinking at him for a minute, my thoughts stuttering like a broken record.

"Rose?" Poor Albus was looking a bit uncomfortable as I sat there staring at him. Pull yourself together woman! I scolded myself.

"Oh. Uh, sure." Yeah, brilliant reply Rose. You can totally see why I'm top in my class. I moved my robes over to the other side of me along with my beloved leather bag. In my hurry to move them, I dropped the bag on the floor, spilling the contents all over the place. Inkpots and pencils went everywhere and my drawing book landed open at Al's feet. "Shit!" I exclaimed, scrambling to pick everything up.

"What's this?" Al asked. Ow! I had banged my head on the table while trying to retrieve my makeup case.

"What?" I grumbled, stuffing everything back in my bag. He didn't answer so I looked up, annoyed at the shitty start to the day, and froze where I sat. He was holding my drawing book, slowly flipping through it. I had never ever shown anyone my sketches and I didn't know if I liked it or not that my cousin was looking at something I had kept private for so long.

I didn't realise I'd been holding my breath until Al looked down at me with a huge smile, "Rose, these are brilliant! I never knew you were so good at drawing!" My breath left me in a relived sigh. Shrugging, I got to my feet. Do you know how difficult it is to stand up while wearing heels and trying not to flash your underwear to the whole room?

"Yes well, that's what happens when you have no friends, I guess." I mumbled, taking my book back and stuffing it in my bag. By now students were filing into the hall and Al was bound to be heading back over to his house table and his girlfriend. I sat back down like I was before and put a pile of fruit salad on my otherwise empty plate, although I had no intention of eating it.

"You know that Scorpius and I are here for you if you need us." I couldn't have been more surprised when I heard that and then a thump and felt the bench move a bit as Al settled onto the seat beside me. I stared at him, eyes wide and confused. This isn't what was supposed to happen. Nothing like this had happened in over a year! A cold feeling settled over me. What if this was some sort of sick joke? It's true that I hadn't really been close to my cousin in a bit over a year, but surely he wouldn't stoop so low as to do this.

"So, what's up?" I flinched when Al spoke, afraid my inner rambling could actually be true.

"Uh, not much? Where's Alexandria?" The last bit kind of came out without my brain really permitting it.

The look on Al's face turned even more awkward. "She kind of broke up with me."

Wait, what? I did a double take there. I had so not been expecting that.

"Oh." Yet another eloquent reply from Rose Weasley. Mentally slapping myself, I scrutinised Al's face. There was definitely a bit of sadness there, in the way his mouth turned down at the corners and in the tightness around his eyes.

"I'm really sorry to hear that Al. I know how close you two were." I said softly, trying not to show how awkward this was for me. This conversation was only bringing up more bad memories.

"Not as close as we were," he says, smiling wryly.

"Yeah… I'd better get to class, don't want to be late first day back!" Before I could let him respond, I grabbed my bag and robes and jumped up, proceeding to hurry out of the Great Hall.

I am such a coward, I couldn't help thinking. As soon as your ex-best friend starts talking to you, you bolt! My mind flashed back to last night in the hall with Scorpius. God, I'm getting a lot of practice at this.

Quickly checking my bag, I swore. I hadn't stayed at the table long enough to collect my timetable from whichever teacher handed it out. I looked around, scarcely hoping there would be someone in my house and year who could tell me what I had today. Typically, I was alone. This was going to be beyond embarrassing.

Taking a deep breath, I turned on my heel and stalked back into the Great Hall, pausing only briefly to figure out which teacher had the timetables. As I walked up to Professor Longbottom, I saw out of the corner of my eye Al sitting at the Slytherin table, deep in conversation with Scorpius. I could see them watching me and I was determined not to make it obvious I was looking at them.

"Excited to get to your first class, Miss Weasley?" Uncle Neville smiled at me as he tapped a piece of parchment with his wand and handed it to me.

I returned his smile, "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Walking back down the aisle of students wasn't as difficult this time round, but I made sure to step carefully so as not to fall on my face. A few of them gave me weird looks as I walked past, no doubt having noticed the spectacle I made of myself not five minutes earlier.

Once out the door and safe from prying eyes once again, I memorized my timetable. Double charms first. I could deal with that.

The whole way there, all I could hear was the clicking of my heels against the stone floor and it soothed me. The corridors were a bit chilly in this part of the castle so I slipped my robes on, but left them undone at the front. I shook my hair out so it fell down my back in soft auburn curls.

Because of my leaving the Hall early, I got to class before Professor Flitwick was even there. Story of my life much.

One definite benefit of getting to class early was sitting where ever I liked, without having to choose out of the leftover undesirable seats. I settle into a seat at the back, ignoring the stereotype of nerds always sitting in the front row. I organise my parchment and ink on the table before settling back with my drawing book. Flipping through the pages, I noticed one I couldn't remember drawing. It was the profile of a guy, most of the features in shadow, as though he was in a dark room. I could just make out mussed up hair, matriarchal nose, slight curve of the lips into a smirk…

When I realise who it was I almost drop the book. I thought I'd thrown these all away! Did Al see this one when he was looking through? I was just about to rip the page out when a voice behind me stopped me cold.

"Is that me?" Although my shoulders tensed in embarrassment, I couldn't help but feel shocked at the hint of pleased surprise in Scorpius' voice.

Not trusting myself to speak, I just shrugged non-committedly and snapped the book shut. I was about to shove it back in my bag, hair thankfully hanging in my face to hide my blush, when a tanned, masculine hand placed itself over mine. I would know that hand anywhere. I had spent six years wanting to draw it, attempt to capture the perfect bone structure encased under a delicate layer of skin. In all that time, I had only brought myself to draw his face, unwilling to let any feature be forgotten.

I slowly lifted my head to look at him, reluctant to see what I feared was there. What I saw instead shocked me.

Admiration.

I wasn't expecting that.

Scorpius met my gaze steadily. "Why didn't you ever tell me you could draw like that?" My heart leapt, threatening to spill out of my mouth with whatever I said next.

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I managed to speak. "I didn't think you would be interested." I looked down at the hand that was still placed over mine and he seemed to take the hint and took it away. I ignored the fluttering in my stomach as his fingers brushed mine. Unexpectedly, he grabbed the drawing book and straightened, flipping it open.

"Don't!" I tried to lunge for it, but he just held it out of my reach with a smirk. I scowled, crossing my arms over my chest.

When we had been friends, I wouldn't have had a second thought before tackling him to the ground to get it back, but no way was I going to do that now. As much as I might long to have that familiarity with him again, I know I cannot allow it. I do not think my heart could take it. I watch, resigned, as he examined each page carefully, mixed emotions flickering over his face with each one.

When he reached the one that is unmistakably him, he pauses and I see he wants to say something.

"I drew it that night, when, you know." My voice broke at the end, much to my dismay, and I turned in my chair to fully face the front. If I was going to cry, he was not going to see it.

There had been a time when we had been on the verge of something more than friendship. Despite my misgivings, I had given more of myself to him than was a good idea. We had fallen over the brink and now I was suffering through the consequences.

I guess Scorp remembered too, judging by the tinge of pink I could see on his cheeks out of the corner of my eye.

How unfortunate we could never go back to that, I thought. I watched the teacher and students enter the room and start the class. For some reason that completely baffled me, Scorpius sat down in the seat next to me and began to make himself comfortable. Plopping his bag on the floor, he dug out his parchment and quills, oblivious to the incredulous stare I was aiming at him.

He turned and saw me looking, raising his eyebrows. "What?"

I shook my head, tuning back in to what Flitwick was saying about pre-cautions to charms going wrong. Scorpius and I didn't talk for the rest of the lesson, just listening and writing lengthy notes. At times I would get distracted, watching the way his hand would deftly form bold but surprisingly elegant letters on the parchment. Each time I would have to snap myself out of it, scolding myself.

By the end of the double lesson, I was significantly ruffled. Without looking at Scorpius, I collected my stuff and headed for the library. I was in no way expecting him to also have a free period, let alone for him to catch up with me and walk beside me.

"You can borrow my notes if you need to." Scorpius offered. "I noticed you were a bit distracted."

Was I that obvious?

"No thanks," I replied shortly. Oh yes, he would just love for me to need his help, I thought meanly.

He was quiet for a minute. "You know, I never meant for it to become like this." He said it so softly I almost didn't hear him over the screaming in my head. My heart thumped uncomfortably at his words, uncertain where this would lead.

"Why is it like this then?" I ask quietly, turning to face him.

We just stood there and stared at each other for a minute. Even wearing heels I had quite a way to look up.

I finally turned away, not being able to bear the tension between us any longer.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, refusing to look at him as I said it. Seeing the hurt in his stormy grey eyes would just be too much for my already frazzled nerves. I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm and I looked questioningly back up at Scorpius.

"Why are you apologising?" he asks, frowning. "It was all me. I didn't want to get closer than we already had because I didn't want to end up hurting you," An intense, but pained look came over his face. "I know now it's too late for that, but… You know what my family is like. My grandparents are just as prejudiced and awful as they were thirty years ago and they still have plenty of influence over my mother and father. I didn't want to draw you into that."

I was kind of shocked by what Scorp said, but at the same time I had an intense desire to slap him. Of course he wouldn't want me to be anything more than his friend. His family would never approve of a half-blood like me.

"What does it matter what they think?" I demanded, aggravation again building behind my breastbone. I was so sick of old prejudices against my family and our bloodlines. Why couldn't they just accept the fact that this was a new era and people no longer acted like that? When Scorp just looked at me with a blank expression, I huffed and turned away.

"It's more than too late for not wanting to hurt me. That damage was already done," I said to him before continuing on my way to the library.

I chose a seat in-between the stacks of books at the back, not willing to have people staring at the back of my head. Much to my unwilling disappointment, Scorpius did not seem to have followed me the rest of the way here.