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Now

I become aware that my incessant shivering isn't from my stunned state after my encounter with Rumpelstiltskin, who made my skin crawl with uneasiness, but from the dwindling heat of the setting sun. A bright pastel orange is spilled across the sky, giving everything a sort of transient golden glow.

I wrap my arms around myself and blow out a thin stream of air, watching as it condenses in front of my face. The ground grows cold and damp beneath my bare feet, which are sore from wandering, and I look down at my thin dress trembling in the faint breeze.

Sighing, I continue to trudge along, rubbing my arms in a futile attempt to create heat. I tilt my head back and watch as the heavens fade into blackness with little pinpoint stars gleaming through. The trees and undergrowth around me morph into shadows, forming looming black figures with bent branches and knobby stumps.

Hopefully this all works out for the best. Then whatever life I used to live can just go back to normal. I reassure myself. This isn't that bad anyway. Other than the cold, it's not terrible. Things could be much worse.

My knees begin to feel stiff as the temperature continues to plummet. I desperately look around, searching for any signs of nearby help, but my eyes only meet the silhouettes of trees standing in the dark. For a moment, I picture two pairs of gleaming eyes and fangs gleaming in the moonlight. I squeak and quicken my stumbling step, as my eyes dart around for any creatures lurking by.

A chilling gust of air rustles through the trees and my eyes widen, my senses sharpening as I begin to panic. A twig snaps behind me and I whirl around, my arms up in self-defense as I prepare to stare into the face of an animal determined to devour my limbs.

My eyes only meet darkness.

No, there is nothing there. I tell myself. You don't need to worry. Just keep moving and hope you can find some shelter. It's okay. Tomorrow, you just have to go find Rumpelstiltskin and he'll give you back your memories. And then everything will be explained.

The sound of my hitched breath seems amplified in the heavy silence that hangs over the forest. I take a deep breath and tell myself to keep my breathing controlled. I try block out the outside world for a moment and think of what I'm supposed to do.

I hear Rumpelstiltskin's sharp voice cutting through my brain. Come to my mansion and I can get your memories back.

I shiver again, this time not from the cold. How come he knew so much about me? I didn't even know my name and he knew…well, everything. He said I was the Evil Queen as well. The Evil Queen. I think back to my encounter with Robin Hood and the two short men. They all called me the Evil Queen. I try wrap my head around it. What did they mean by 'Evil Queen'? I'm not evil. Am I supposed to be evil?

Something brushes in the leaves overhead. I picture a dark shadow crouching above, staring down at me with beady eyes. Slowly inching bony hands and claws forward, ready to strike…

My feet instinctively take off as I begin sprinting for my life. A wave of panic surges through my veins, sending boost of energy through me. I navigate my way around fallen logs and up sloping hills, moving my legs as fast as I can.

Something was back there and I need to get away from it.

I barrel forward recklessly, my blood boiling with anxiety. The moon flashes in and out of the tree tops as the forest flies by, the wind blowing my hair back as I run.

Then my energy begins to drain. My legs slow, feeling numb and tired. My breathing grows heavier and I my arms tremble as I continue to weakly pump them. The air around me suddenly feels colder and the pressure of the silence presses in on my ears. I tell myself to keep pushing, to get out of here.

My foot hits a something hard and I barely manage to catch myself before my legs give out beneath my body. However, I make no attempt to soften my fall with my arms as I collapse onto the cold ground, landing on my chest.

I lie there, my cheek resting on the soft dirt while I stare into space, calmly breathing in the open air. The trees around cast shadows that blanket the ground, while the scattered light of stars illuminate patches of earth in between.

My chest rises and falls and I feel my heart slowing, gently beating against the damp soil. Around me, the forest becomes peaceful, no longer laden with figments of my imagination. Everything just seems serene and asleep, like a scene of tranquility frozen in time.

I roll myself over and stare up at the sky, watching the large canvas of millions of unreachable lights, shimmering in the dark.

What am I doing? I ask myself helplessly. I gaze up to the stars as if they hold the answer. My heart sinks as I realize I'm alone. I'm useless to myself. I don't know who I am and where I come from. The only thing I really know is that my name is Regina. Everything else that defines me is gone. My only hope is to get my memories back.

And I have to go find Rumpelstiltskin to get them back, I think bleakly to myself. The aura that the man carried around him made me uneasy and I shudder at the thought of having to face him again. Whoever he is, well, I never want to see him again.

Except for the unsettling fact that he has my memories. I blink a couple of times, watching a light streaks across the sky. For a moment, I'm captivated by the enormity of them spilled across the heavens, winking through the dark.

I bring up my hand across my chest. What am I going to do? I watch as a cloud timidly drifts overhead, momentarily obstructing my view. I lie, waiting for it to pass, but after what feels like an eternity, it still hangs in the way, and I give up.

Pushing myself off the ground, I scoot back towards the nearest tree and prop myself up, paying no mind as the rough bark scrapes against my back. I bring up my knees to my chest and lean my head back, closing my eyes as I take in a long breath through my nose.

My name is Regina, I tell myself. My name is Regina. I'm…an evil queen.

The thought is so absurd I immediately scoff at it. Queen? Queen of what? I roll the notion of being royalty through my head, trying to fathom being a queen, living in a big palace surrounded by hundreds of guards in shining armor.

No, I can't be a queen. Why would my memories be gone if I were a queen? Did someone steal them? I sit, pondering everything, my thoughts scrambling through my brain, trying to make sense it all.

I continue to puzzle over my identity before a wave of exhaustion overtakes me and I drift into quiet, dreamless sleep.


I awake in a state of confusion, trying to figure out where I am. It takes me a moment to recall last night's events. I scrunch up my eyes as I inadvertently move my head into a beam of light streaming down through the leaves, momentarily blinding myself.

Around me, the forest looks foreign, filled with trees of differing sizes and shapes. I look around in an attempt to figure out which way I can last night, but in all directions, everything looks the same. It's not long before I find myself wandering again, thinking back on yesterday.

The top of the hill was where everything started. I close my eyes to try get a better picture of it. There was a big tree and a grave. Or at least, I think it was a grave. I try to imagine whose it would be. Maybe a loving mother who loved to pick flowers and died of old age. Maybe a merchant who caught the plague while traveling for his business. Or maybe it was the grave of a young stable boy that tended the stables down the hill.

Then there were the knights that rode by, searching for someone. Someone dangerous. They disappeared and I ran into the forest, only to have an arrow whiz by my face, missing me by mere millimeters.

I briefly relive the moment I met Robin Hood, recalling how he wanted to kill me…and something about justice. I crease my forehead as I look down at myself, noting that I'm still alive. So he didn't actually kill me. He just left. I make an effort to try remember his face, but the whole memory seems cloudy and distant.

And then of course the two little men…who were also going to kill me. But then they ran away. Somehow the sight of me made them forget all their intentions because they were terrified of me. Was it because I'm an…evil queen?

Then Rumpelstiltskin appeared out of thin air and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Magic smoke. I recreate the scene in my mind, picturing the smoke curling around his feet, blossoming upward, enveloping his entire body, then dissipating into nothing, leaving only emptiness behind. He must be some sort of magical wizard, I assume, but more importantly, before that he promised me to give me back my memories. I just had to go to his mansion first. Easy enough.

I put everything in a list. So I woke up on a hill next to a tomb, was threatened and almost killed by the man called Robin Hood, chased after two little men, encountered Rumpelstiltskin who told me to go to his mansion where he promised to give me back my memories.

I try to think of an explanation of how this came to be. Of course, I come up empty handed, after all, what explanation is there? I'm completely and utterly stumped.

The forest buzzes around me and birds pass by overhead, casting fleeting shadows on the ground. Green moss grows over fallen logs and in patches on tree trunks. The ground is covered in patches shrubs and scattered with dried leaves fallen from the towering trees. Small bugs buzz around, occasionally swallowed by a bird swooping down from above.

I don't know what to expect. Each direction I move is a hesitant move forward and each step I take is a step into the unknown. I continue forward, climbing over fallen trees and branches, fueled only by my curiosity. My heart flutters with anxiety, worrying I'll never make it out of this forest.

My stomach grumbles and I suddenly realize how famished I am. I can't recall the last time I ate so I stop and look around for anything that seems edible.

When I finally conclude that eating the bark off the trees isn't a great idea, I move onward.

I need to find Rumpelstiltskin's mansion. I remind myself. How I'm going to find it, I have no idea, but if I find anyone I'll ask them. A multitude of arbitrary thoughts swirl around my mind as I try think of what his mansion might look like, where it is located, how I'd get there.

I lose track of time as I keep wandering on, gazing ahead to see where I'm headed. But when my toes stub enough rocks and roots sticking out of the ground, I decide to direct most of my attention to where my I place my feet.

For a time, I'm so focused on looking at the ground, making sure I won't trip over anything, that I don't even see the road ahead of me. It's only when I glance upward for a moment to check my surroundings that I spot it. The wheels turning in my brain screech to a halt.

I do a double take, blinking, unable to comprehend what I see. There's a dirt road stretching both ways to either side of me. Is this the same dirt road as last time? No, maybe it's a different one. I raise my gaze and discern a cluster of small wooden homes sheltered by the trees just beyond the path. My heart rises in my chest.

I take off sprinting, my spirit drawn to the houses. Drawn to the hope. I zip past the road, the wind blowing from behind my back as if urging me in the direction of the village. Suddenly I forget my empty stomach and my sore feet, thinking only about the prospect of meeting someone who can help me.

It's a miracle.

My feet move faster and faster, not knowing how to stop as I approach the village. My instincts takes over my legs and slow them to a halt as I plow into the middle of the homes, my face glowing with gaiety.

The homes are built in a small half circle, pointing in around an old well, which stands solitary in the center. Up ahead is a steep hill, sloping upward, blocking whatever is on the other side. The wind continues to blow up towards the hill, sweeping up dead leaves along the ground, carrying them until they disappear over the ridge.

I look around, my heart beating in excitement, scanning the grounds for a sign of life.

"Hello?" I call out, standing on my toes. "Is anyone here?"

My voice is met with silence. I turn around looking at the other houses, calling out again, "Hello?"

Silence.

I tentatively move towards a home, which stands quietly silently next to a tree stump, where a piece of unchopped wood stands next to broken axe.

My heart flutters as I approach the home. "Hello? Is anyone here?"

I look up, expecting to glimpse a face peering out window, but instead find nothing. Just as I get close to the front door, I realize it's slightly ajar. I glance over my shoulder at the village, before turning to face the door and pushing it open.

The hinges creak as it swings open. Timidly, I step inside, peering around for any signs of life. To my right, a small table sits next to a tiny wooden cabinet. To my left, dried flowers and herbs hang from the ceiling above narrow bed sheeted with an aged, red blanket. But other than that, nothing.

I take another step inside towards a loaf of bread sitting on a shelf, next to a pitcher of water. Without thought, I snatch it and begin tearing away at it. It's stale, but still edible. I grab the pitcher of water next to it and take a sip. The water tastes old, but my parched throat couldn't care less.

Once I finish, I look around the small space of the house, searching for anything that might be of use to me. In the corner a small heap of cloth lies by another pile of fabric. I walk over to it and pick it up. It takes me a moment to realize what the piece of cloth that unravels before me is. A cloak. I grab the other pile of clothes. A dress unfolds in my hands, dirty and worn down, but still in a suitable condition.

I examine it closer. A long white skirt hangs below a thick, sturdy waistline. Flowing white sleeves, cuffed off neatly at the ends dangle down at the sides.

I gaze down at my own dress, the red velvet torn from numerous tangles in branches. The backside trails behind me on the floor, gathering up dirt and leaves in the process. I look down at the dress in my hand. Might as well.

When I finally manage to slip off my old dress and pull myself into the new one, I toss my old one to the floor, nudging it into the corner with my foot. I grab the cloak, clipping it around my neck and over my shoulders, and step outside.

The village stands desolate, filled only by the breeze and the quietness. Maybe this is an abandoned village, deserted for the sake of finding a new start; left to wither away and crumble into the very dirt that it came from. Regardless of what it was, it's still evident everyone's gone.

My heart sinks and all anticipation that boiled inside of me dies. I'm still alone. I stand in the middle of the houses for a moment, speculating on what to do next. I can't stay here. I need to find someone to help me find Rumpelstiltskin's mansion.

The wind abruptly changes direction, blowing my hair in my face. I brush it out of the way and suddenly am hit with a thick stench. My stomach lurches.

I bring up my cloak and cover my nose. The smell fills my nostrils and my head begins to spin. What is that? The source of the foul smell is not entirely clear as the wind makes it seem everywhere at once. I push the cloak harder against my face, as if it would make a difference.

My feet take off, stumbling up the steep hill, my only goal to get away from the smell. My legs burn as the incline increases and I tire with each step. I cough, gagging as the smell envelopes me and it seems like an eternity before I get to the top of the slope.

Then suddenly my eyes are met with a horrid sight. I stop in my tracks, staring horrified at what I see before me. My body goes numb and I lose the ability to breathe as I stand paralyzed. My other hand flies up to my mouth, trembling. The forest seems to have frozen. My heart stops beating.

I tell my feet to move, but the shock of what I'm seeing suppresses my ability to move. My heart begins racing and I tremor. A wave of panic hits me and my hands fall from my face.

Run. Run. Run.

And I take off running. This time, running away from the village. My feet seem weak under me as they stumble down the hill and back towards the road. My emotions surge and take over me, tears beginning to stream down my face.

I only manage to make it to the other side road before I crumple to the ground, shaking so that the world is a blur. But I don't see the world anyway. I only see the sight of what was on the other side of the hill. The sight that has branded itself into my mind.

The sight of a mass of dead bodies of men, women, and children still in their clothes, lying limply in a pile on the dirt, beginning to decay away.


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