So I hate the ending of Naruto. It has some things I like, but for the most part it can go to the same hell the Harry Potter Epilogue went. Salada is cute though, at least, even if her name is idiotic.

Speaking of, I refuse to use it. Salada/Sarada = Sakuya. Was recommended by my friend and spitballing partner; Stormarrow.

Also holy Christ am I rusty. Sorry if this feels a bit wooden.

After a reread; Wow does this get smutty fast. Be warned.

LASTLY: For those unaware, I am part of a podcast. FANDOM FLUX, look us up on Youtube (or our Blogspot page) if you'd like to have a listen to myself, Casey W, KingofZeroX, and Kenchi618 talk about fanfiction and junk.

-0-0-0-0-0-

The door to the Seventh Hokage's office was made from the richest of oak, inscribed with seals by the Hokage himself to survive Explosive Tags of the highest caliber, and even most Jutsu. It was a standing testament to both aesthetic appeal, and ninja fortitude. While locked, like it was now, it was nigh impenetrable.

Which was all well and good, but it did nothing to even slow the stride of a troubled looking Sakura as she burst into the room, casually shoving the door open with a crunch of wood and metal.

She glanced back at it, only to mumble a halfhearted, "Sorry." before she turned to glare at her old teammate.

"We've got a problem." She said gravely.

Naruto looked up from his paperwork, giving her a questioning look and shaking his hand to rid himself of the momentary ache. "I do too, you just broke my door. That was my favorite door." He said dryly, leaning back in his seat.

"I said I was sorry..." She said contritely, before changing the subject back. "That's not important though, something set off Sakuya and she just grabbed Bolt. They've been locked in his clubhouse for three hours!"

Naruto laughed, wide grin on his face. "I don't see the problem. Hinata will be glad to know the girl isn't taking too much after her. Wonder what set her off though?" He wondered, looking upwards and running his hands through his hair, only to pout at its short length. He knew he shouldn't have taught his precious Himawari that fire Jutsu...

Sakura's face reddened. "Not a-NOT A PROBLEM?!" She roared, "They're related you imbecile!"

Naruto laughed again, a tamer snickering this time instead of a full on belly laugh. "I know, I know, I just love seeing you all riled up like this." He delighted in Sakura's glare, it was adorable.

"Mm uph hamhe-" Came from underneath the desk before Naruto playfully interrupted.

"No talking with your mouth full sweetie. If you can't learn that lesson we'll never get the kids to stop trying to tell us about their day while inhaling their food at the dinner table." He lectured.

Sakura rolled her eyes as Hinata got out from underneath the desk, wiping the excess spit from her mouth and chin with a handkerchief, completely ignoring her running mascara.

"I said," She began, showing no shame once so ever. "That it was probably graduation."

Sakura walked over to the shelf and grabbed the Sandaime's Viewing Orb and placed it on the table. "You're probably right, she did seem oddly happy about it. I can only guess she's been planning this for a while. Let's check in on them and make sure they aren't hurting themselves making out, or something."

Naruto and Hinata exchanged skeptical glances. Hinata send him a questioning look, 'Should we tell her?'

He returned with a little shrug and a shake of his head. 'Nah, she'll figure it out soon enough.'

"Sakuya's chakra signature is... coordinates are..." Sakura mumbled to herself as she fiddled with the orb, which, after she injected a good deal of chakra into it, flared to life and showed the three in the room the interior of one of Bolt's many hideaways.

-0-0-0-

Bolt was splayed out on his back, limbs haphazardly laying on the old but well taken care of mattress, pants literally ripped off of him and tears in his shirt where Sakuya had manhandled him. He moaned piteously, head still spinning from the sudden very pleasurable experience she'd visited upon him.

Sakuya herself sat primly between his legs in the seiza position, his limp cock resting on her thighs, momentarily spent. She hummed, eyes focused on a particularly thick rope of semen that connected her index fingers together before she leaned forward and licked them clean. "Bitter, but not unpleasantly so." She rolled it in her mouth, swallowing thickly after a few seconds. "Pleasant on the tongue, good texture. It's hard to swallow too, very thick."

Her glasses glinted in the dim light, cheshire smile on her lips that, even as dazed as he was, sent shivers up Bolt's spine. "You have met my approval, you may refer to me as your girlfriend now."

"Hmwah?" Bolt blurted, eyes still mildly crossed. He thought her hand was good, but then she used her tongue-'Oh Sage her tongue felt so amazing!' His brain screamed, causing his eyes to glaze over as he remembered it.

The bed suddenly shifted as Sakuya sprang up, her lips stretching into a wider and far scarier smile. "But why just have one lover? Yes, mother was such a prude, only sleeping with father and then just letting him leave forever. I refuse to be a lonely old crone like her, I shall double my chances of finding happiness!"

"Double?" Bolt parroted, sitting up and looking around.

-0-0-0-

"B-bitter old crone!?" Sakura screeched, only to jump as a stern looking Hinata slapped her on the ass.

"None of that, we taught you better." The mother of two claimed.

She looked away, pink dusting her cheeks and thighs rubbing together. "Yes Mistress..."

As erotic as that was, Naruto moved them along. "We should probably tell her who her actual dad is now; I think she's old enough. Sage knows Tsunade and Jiraiya waited far too long to tell me, I'm not going to make the same mistake."

"To be fair, from Sakuya's perspective you ARE a lonely prude, and I can understand her desire to avoid that fate." Hinata claimed, feeling a great deal of empathy due to her own family issues when she was younger. It wasn't really the same, but she could relate to the need to distance herself from her supposed role model.

"We're just lucky she got black eyes from somewhere in one of our families." Sakura commented, "And that the Jutsu to permanently dye hair wasn't undone by her growing. I'm still absolutely against this ruse, look at what it's done to my daughter!"

"She grew up seeing Naruto as a second father anyway; we made absolutely sure to include her in every family event over the years. Besides, that craziness will really help her in the ninja world, you know." Hinata claimed, refusing to see fault in her husbands plan.

Naruto sighed, "Look Sakura, I know it's stupid, but Sasuke was physically incapable of getting it up, even with medication. Even the Jutsu to make him finish just revealed he was completely infertile. He made one request, and that was at the very least pretend he has a child. I'm not about to deny him that much."

Sakura mirrored him and sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. We'll tell her later tonight and hope the damage isn't too bad-oh what is she doing now?" She groaned, looking back at the crystal ball.

-0-0-0-

Without a word, Sakuya hurried over to the corner of the room and opened the small closet sized cupboard to reveal and tied up Himawari. She looked surprisingly calm, all things considered.

Sakuya carried the girl over to the bed and dropped her next to Bolt, releasing a perverted closed mouth chuckle as she eyed both of her possessions. Oh the fun she would have...

"Himawari, what are you doing here?!" Bolt exclaimed, fiddling with the ball gag, only to find it had a clip in the back.

With a clack of plastic, it was undone and his sister quickly wiped the drool from her mouth. "S-she grabbed me and told me I w-was her girlfriend. I...I..." Her face grew red and she looked away. "I c-couldn't just tell her n-no... she was so commanding and pretty." She finished in a whisper, sending bashful glances up at Sakuya.

"Great Sage my family is fucked up." Bolt grumbled.

"Says the boy who's getting an erection from having his sister snuggled into his side." Sakuya commented with another 'Fufufufu' chuckle, her hand dipping down to poke at the offending erection.

-0-0-0-

*Thunk*

*Thunk*

*Thunk*

Was the sound Sakura's forehead made as she slammed into into Naruto's mahogany desk. "Why does my daughter take after Hinata so much. It's not fair..." She sulked.

Hinata giggled, infinitely pleased a member of her family had picked up on her habits, without realizing it too.

"Reminds me of my bachelor party." Naruto commented wryly.

Sakura tensed up, heart rate climbing as she remembered that night.

-Flashback-

"And after this I don't owe you anything anymore, right? This is a one time thing, okay?" Sakura claimed, trying in vain to tug at her frilly white miniskirt. She loved the top because it showed off her amazing bust, but did the skirt have to be so short? The thong really just emphasized her least favorite part of her body, even if it was by far the largest.

"Of course Sakura, you do everything he wants you to do tonight and I'll forgive you for what you did." Hinata said reassuringly.

Both were standing backstage at a local strip club Hinata had purchased for Naruto's bachelor party, Sakura dress in a very frilly rendition of a slutty nurse outfit in red and white. They had the place absolutely booked and only people Hinata had let in got to come. It was a very small list.

Their friends insisted that wasn't how things were done, but she ignored them. Just like how she ignored them when they claimed that her bachelorette party shouldn't have been a Kage Bunshin orgy with her fiances all dressed in different fetish outfits.

"Mmm." She moaned, eyes glazed as she went to her happy place filled with lots and lots of naked Narutos.

"Hinata." Sakura said, shaking her shoulder lightly, causing Hinata come out of her trance. "You're drooling again."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She claimed stubbornly, wiping her mouth with her sleeve. "You have a job to do though, get your enormous sexy ass in there and don't come back until the party ends." Hinata ordered, physically turning the pink haired woman around and slapping her on the ass, watching with smug delight at the red hand print that formed on the large jiggling cheek, knowing her lover would get nice and turned on by it.

Sakura growled but began walking forward, her tall heels making her steps a lot louder than they should have been as she stepped onto the runway.

There was a single male in the building at the moment, that being her old teammate Naruto. Who, by the looks of it, had already been stripped by the women on either side of him.

The first woman, Shion, was dressed in a slutty version of a priestess outfit consisting of separate sleeves, chest wraps - which did nothing to contain her massive chest; the girl really was a blond clone of Hinata - and finally a red hakama that had large gaps on the outer thigh to reveal a good deal of her porcelain tone thighs.

On the other side of Naruto was Sasame, who's outfit was even more skimpy, but lacked any sort of theme. She was wrapped tightly in a black tub top with a fishnet shirt over it, and booty shorts below that. While Shion had a body that looked like it was made for sex and debauchery, Sasame was for thinner, lacking any outstanding curves, but had a sort of grace and sensuality to her that was distinct.

Sakura, actually beginning to feel aroused by the whole situation, began adding a bit extra sway to her hips as she approached the shining metal pole at the center of the stage.

She felt a bit of a thrill at the fact that this was able to finally get his attention away from the other two women as his eyes zeroed in on her.

Sakura was no dancer, all of her classes had been incredibly formal when it came to the act. She could ballroom dance, but that was really it, and even that was iffy because she was so rusty. Still, she did her best to imitate what she assumed strippers danced like.

Okay so she really enjoyed sliding the pole between her breasts. She was proud of them dammit and she liked showing them off! He seemed incredibly receptive to it, as well as anything involving her ass for reasons that baffled her. Really, her breasts were her best trait, why couldn't he just ignore that monstrous thing behind her and focus on those?

She swallowed her pride and did the same as her breasts, placing the pole between her round cheeks and began bouncing her hips. She looked back at her teammate to notice his reaction, only to gulp as she saw he was definitely receptive to her lustful teasing.

Shion hadn't even bothered to remove her chest bindings and was instead pumping her large chest up and down with his large cock trapped within. The fact that a considerable amount of his shaft and the engorged head was poking out the top was just testament to his size and the strength of his arousal.

The pace was brutally slow though, it was abundantly clear to even the completely inexperienced Sakura that she wasn't trying to get him off, but fluff him up and get him as aroused as possible.

Sasame had taken another approach and was instead sitting on the arm of his chair, one of Naruto's arms wrapped around her waist to keep her steady. She was leaned down and saying something into his ear, what that was Sakura wasn't sure, but judging by how possessive and grabby his hand was, it was erotic. Also judging by how both of them were looking right at her, and Naruto's eyes were flickering to various parts of her body, she was willing to bet it was about her.

She sank to her knees, sliding forward and arching her back to push her chest forward. With a curling motion from her spine she made them bounce, followed by a gentle turning of her shoulder that made them sway in time with the music. She'd accidentally done this in front of some poor Genin while she was stretching one day and made the kid orgasm on the spot; it was, from her limited arsenal, her greatest move.

Her heart rate sped up as Naruto's free hand immediately reached forward. She bit her lip, her body was on fire, she had no idea this was going to be so exhilarating! 'Come on, grab them, I want it...' She thought, closing her eyes.

'...Eh?' She cracked one eye open as she felt and heard something being pulled off of her outfit, just below her bust where she couldn't see it. She looked down to see Naruto retracting his hand, a small note in this fingers.

Naruto, curious, flipped the little piece of paper open.

Free to a good home.

He chuckled, seeing if there was anything else written on the card, only to find tiny script on the back. He had to bring the note much closer to his face to read it.

P.s. Yes, that means we're keeping her.

P.P.s. She still has some lingering feelings for the traitor, so don't hold back, or you'll spend an entire week on the couch.

Love,

Hinata (soon to be) Uzumaki

Naruto froze, actually paling at the thought of an entire week without sex with his amazing fiance. He would definitely be following her suggestion there.

Shion blinked in surprised as the wide cock between her breasts grew even larger. A serene smile found it's way onto her face as visions flittered across her unique eyes as the future changed once more. Tonight was going to be even more pleasurable than it was scheduled to be. She really would have to send Hinata something nice, maybe aphrodisiacs? The Land of Demons was quite infamous for them after all...

"Shion, you wanted my help to create the next generation priestess, correct?" Naruto rumbled, voice husky with desire.

"I've wanted nothing more." She replied honestly, leaning forward to give the engorged head of his cock a kiss. Her womb would be placing a much dirtier kiss upon it before the evening was out; a thought that had her more turned on than she'd ever remembered being.

"And Sasame, you wanted to swell your clans numbers to help them reacquire their former glory?"

"It is my duty as a fertile member of the Fuma clan." She replied. It would have been a very mechanical and dutiful statement, if she wasn't currently caressing his balls fondly

He wordlessly reach over and grabbed a box off the table beside the chair. Sakura was only just able to recognize it as a box of condoms before they were shredded as he formed a Rasengan in his palm, destroying the contraceptive devices.

"Well then I suppose the goal of the evening has changed." Naruto announced with a growing grin.

Sakura was too far gone in her own lust to care. She should have claimed that his desire really broke the spirit of her 'only for tonight' agreement, and that she was only here to maybe get him off with her body, no penetration. Said body was making some pretty serious demands though, and a shot of cum to feed her hungry loins was just what she needed right now...

-0-0-0-

True to his work, the trio of women were knocked up before the end of the night; Shion with a beautiful baby girl and Sasame with quadruplets, thanks to a Jutsu that increased her fertility. Sakura, of course, had not only gotten pregnant with Sakuya, but had literally forgotten Sasuke existed for around two weeks, until he'd sent Naruto his required monthly update report.

She'd been Naruto's mistress ever since, with Hinata's full and enthusiastic blessing. As it turned out, unmarried Hinata was fairly kinky, but married Hinata was an absolute monster. The debauchery only grew when Hinata gained access to Naruto's version of the Henge - since he could freely shared Kurama's chakra with her and Sakura to power it - and things had to grown from there. It got even worse when Naruto designed a seal to block away memories, so when she was ordered by Hinata to turn into her 15 year old self to act out some fantasy the woman had, Sakura was none the wiser of anything beyond what she knew at the age of 15. It was borderline disturbing, but the pleasure such encounters brought made the squick factor a moot point. Besides all that, she trusted the two would never harm her or try to recreate her or something terrible like that. They rarely outright said it, but beyond all the lust and lewdness of their situation, they truly loved eachother.

"Sakuya really takes after her mother. I don't think she even slowed down taking that thing." Hinata commented.

Sakura perked up and shook the memories off to find she was standing right next to Naruto, who was palming her ass. Apparently some time had passed, because Hinata was licking cum off her breasts and hands. The fact that Naruto's cock, while slimy with spit, didn't have a trace of semen on it spoke of how ravenous the girl was.

'Wait what was that about Sakuya?' She suddenly thought, hurriedly looking at the orb only to groan at seeing her daughter rapidly bouncing on Bolt's generous length while Himawari watched with rapt attention, cuddled into his side.

"Naruto, why are you aroused by this. You should be stopping them!" She exclaimed.

He looked up at her from his seat and raised an eyebrow, glancing down meaningfully.

Sakura's eye twitched as she found her own hand pumping his length. She blamed these two for corrupting her so.

"Hypocrisy aside, apparently Uzumaki are just sort of predispositioned for this sort of thing. Learn with family, go out into the world and masterfully seduce yourself a mate with those skills. Alot of people probably find that disturbing, but that's just how they did thing, and I guess we do too, now. Plus, it's not like we pushed the two together, this is their decision and we'll support them however they want to take it." Naruto replied, grabbing Sakura by the forearm and pulling her down. The woman moved mostly on her own and got on her knees in front of him, far too well trained to think of doing anything else since she didn't actively not want to suck him off.

The subconscious was such a fun thing to corrupt, Hinata mused as she caught all of this from the corner of her eye.

"We'll need to teach Himawari how to properly play with someone's balls though. She's just sitting there watching, she could be working up a nice big load for Sakuya to receive." Hinata commented.

Naruto spoke up in his princess' defense. "Hey now, you fainted the first time you saw my dick. I think our little girl is doing just fine. We can spend some time with her tonight or tomorrow if Sakuya doesn't do it for us though." He suggested, laying a head on Sakura's head.

Pointlessly, as she had already encased almost his entire massive length in her mouth, something not even Hinata could do.

The pinkette tried to protest, only to have Hinata force her head down the last few inches of their lover's girth. "You teach your daughter the way you want, I'll teach mine." She said firmly.

"I think we can tell pretty easily who's sex education was more successful." Naruto commented dryly, perking Sakura's interest.

Hinata gasped as she looked up and saw it too. "Oh my, that is a lot of cum. Those sheets are going to need a serious washing. Hope she isn't pregnant. I bet you regret teaching your daughter nothing but abstinence now, don't you?" She asked, more than a little smugly. It was a longstanding argument between the two.

Sakura groaned, she was never going to hear the end of this...

-0-0-0-0-0-

And there you have it, my take on gleefully twisting the epilogue to suit my own tastes. Hope you enjoyed it, and remember, FANDOM FLUX, if you want to see some actual goddamn content from me instead of the meager things I can slip past my battered muse.