A/N It's been a while since I have written a Suits fic. I hope you like this angsty piece. I don't' know how well I lined up the events of the show with the story so I'm sorry if things are a bit off. This is not a slash fic and I don't own suits. I hope you like it!

Mike sighed and rubbed a hand through his short blonde hair. His face was red, his chest ached, he was done for the night. Done with working but the files on his desk disagreed. He missed the days spent with Harvey in his office. Days spent in silence, Harvey sipping a tumbler of scotch as Mike poured over document after document. Many hours on the leather couch until Harvey stood up and tapped his shoulder, letting him know it was okay to go home and get some sleep.

But now Mike barricaded himself in his office, reading documents like his life depended on it. It didn't but his sanity did. After Rachel and him broke up he'd been a mess, returning to the small apartment felt like going to prison. The walls taunted him, closing in. Predictable panic attacks wore Mike down, forcing him to stay in his office. Even then after a few drinks his tie felt too tight, his shirt constricted his breathing. He would find himself every night in a ball, shaking, tears running down his face, panic etching it's name into every vein in his body.

He'd been left by everyone. His parents died when he was young, Grammy passed away, his childhood friend Trevor disappeared, Jenny deserted him, Harvey was well… Harvey. Finally Rachel woke up and saw what the others had, that he wasn't worth the loyalty, he wasn't worth keeping. She cheated on him, he called it off and now he was alone, panicking in his office without anyone to call.

Some days he would find himself woken by too bright sunrays, sweat sticking everything to his body. He'd get up and remove his extra suit from his drawer, slipping into it and resuming his job as if nothing happened. A few months ago he would have gone to Harvey, puppy dog eyes begging for advice. But he had put Harvey and Donna through enough drama and Rachel worked for Harvey. He couldn't let their breakup jeopardize Rachel and Harvey's work relationship.

Even as the days faded into paradise, Rachel coming back to him, his breaths continued to be choked out of him during nightfall. He'd race to the bathroom and drown out the sounds of his sobs with the shower. Ignoring the soft knocks Rachel inflicted on the door, he'd press ice cubes to his eyes once the attack wore down and pray that she couldn't tell he'd been crying. It felt like he didn't even know how to breathe anymore, shallow and quick gasps were what he was accustomed to. What did a full, deep, refreshing intake of air even feel like?

Days blended together into time spent surviving, moving his feet, staying away from a zombie state long enough to fool his new boss Louis into thinking he was fine. But he wasn't. He was lonely, abandoned one too many times to heal and in desperate need of anyone to trust. Rachel had hurt him too soon ago that he still hadn't completely forgiven her. Mike didn't dare approach moody, cranky, pissed til there was nothing left to be pissed about Harvey and Donna was a German Shepard. Baring her teeth, protecting all that meant anything to her, even if that excluded Mike. Because Harvey always came first, he was her family, and she was his. Mike needed help because he was in an ocean of murky water and sinking fast.

"Need a cane or something?" Harvey snapped at Mike when he stumbled, vision blurring in front of him.

"No." Mike gasped not enough air around him.

He rubbed at his eyes, groaning in his mind. His feet were cinder blocks, his tie was strangling him. He couldn't have a panic attack in the office. Mike knew that if he did, he couldn't hide his problem anymore, he'd have to trust someone. That thought only sent him flying faster into the process. He buckled to his knees and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the lights and the eyes he could feel on him, burning holes into his skin.

"Mike?" Harvey snapped, angry that the associate stopped talking to him.

Mike squeaked, a pathetic harumph of breath that was squeezed out of his mouth. His eyes were clenched shut and Mike liked the inky black background against the tightness of his throat. He felt hot, his ears and face on fire, his hands were frozen though, solid blocks of ice. He whimpered again and burrowed into himself, suddenly envious of turtles. They had a home wherever they went. He wished he had made it back to his office, or that he could have locked himself in the file room. He was melting down, in front of the whole firm, in front of Harvey. That's when his breaths alluded him, gasps erupted from his mouth, hungry and desperate for any air they could obtain. He needed oxygen and there just wasn't any in here.

"Mike?" Harvey repeated, weak, afraid.

He registered the first mumble from Mike, filing it as a grunt. But when he turned around he knew it was so much more. The kid looked pathetic, curled up like a child, leaning against the wall. He was wound like a ball of twine, hands clenched, jaw set, eyes squeezed shut so hard Harvey felt a headache coming on from just looking at it. Mike whimpered and Harvey briskly walked over, bending to his level. "Mike talk to me. Please talk to me," He begged desperation leaking into his voice.

Mike was drowning in his screams. He could feel water slogging down his lungs, he couldn't breathe dammit. He was dizzy, the world swirling and tilting in front of him. It was impossible with his eyes shut so tight, but the vertigo twisted the blackness into a funhouse anyway. He wanted to cry, to give up. It was the nerves talking and Mike knew it but every panic attack made him feel like launching off the rooftop just to make it stop. His hands shook furiously from their curled position. He jumped when large hands landed into his own, unwinding them. Mike barely registered it before launching his bright blue eyes open, They searched the room, wild, he was a trapped animal, willing to bite anyone just to get away. But Mike's legs were heavy and he still didn't have enough air to do anything.

"I'm tired." Mike sighed, jitters clicking his teeth together sloppily as he spoke.

"What's wrong?" Harvey asked, he couldn't stop questioning.

"P-p-p-anic At-t-tack." he stuttered, voice falling short of the last syllable.

Mike slipped his eyes shut again, sleepiness gnawing at him trying to pull him under. Adrenaline kept him awake still, driving Mike. From experience Mike knew that even long after the attack wore down, he'd lazily stare at the ceiling, sleep needed but adrenaline ruling. Not letting up enough for him to slip into dreams.

"Look at me," Harvey growled, pulling MIke's focus back, "Do I need to call an ambulance?"

Mike grunted, turning the idea through his racing mind. Ignoring the thump of his too fast heart. He settled on a shrug, it was unknown to him how to deal with these when there was someone there with him. When there was a person sane enough to ask that.

Harvey pulled out his phone, fingers dialing the number. He didn't want to take any chances, not with his once-upon-a-time-associate, not with Mike, not with his Mike. Was Mike his? Yeah, Mike was his.

Harvey supported Mike's head with the suit jacket, silently awaiting the ambulance. He promised himself to find out. To find out what was going on with Mike, to find out how to help. He didn't' like seeing Mike laying against the office wall, broken. He needed to fix him but he needed to know how first.

A/N Seemed like a good place to drop off. I don't know how many chapters I will have with this but there will be another. I hoped you liked it, please, please, please drop me a review just so I know how many people want another chapter.